Broken Dreams


A/N: This was requested by my lovely @lovethatmendeskid and I just loved the idea. I’m super nervous, legit shaking. I really hope you like it!

Word count: 3,502

I was sitting at the dining table in the kitchen, staring over at the full plate of - by now – very cold food. Food that – once again – weren’t going to be eaten.

I’d been sitting here for hours, but I stopped counting exactly how many that had passed by now. The more seconds that flew by, the more it stung in my heart.

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Let’s not fall in love - Jaebum scenario

Jaebum x reader
word count: 2582
genre: angst, kind of fluff?
warning: language, mentions of blood.
author: sammy

AN: This scenario was inspired by the anime Kaichou Wa Maid Sama, so it follows the asian schools pattern (kinda) I hope you all enjoy it. 

P.S.: This is my (Sammy) first scenario in english, sorry if there’s any mistake

After climbing a lot of stairs, I finally found the apartment number 502.

I knocked twice and wait, holding the anxiety in my belly.

“Act like the student council president, not like a little girl in love”, I mentally repeated to myself.

No one opened the door, I knocked again, harder.

“Guess he’s not there”, a random guy smoking said.

“You’re his friend?”

The stranger seemed to think.

“You can say so”

“I need to talk to him, do you know when he will come back?” I asked the guy, he looked somewhere and release smoke through the nose.

“In two seconds maybe”

Seconds? Nice, crazy people.

“Can you move away from my door?”

I turned and saw him, he was wearing and black hoodie and smelled lightly cigarette.

“Im Jaebum”

“y/n l/n”

“To you is President l/n”

He looked away discontent.

“What you want with me? Came to a private visit?”

He haven’t change.

“You don’t come to the school its been two months. The tests will begin next week, you still have the chance to not repeat for absence. If you don’t go, your name will be no longer in the school register”, I opened my backpack and took the folder “Those are the subjects”.

“No, thanks. Can you move away now?”

I took a large breath.

“That’s what you want for your life? Seriously? Just because of–“

“Yah! Do you think you have the right to say something?” He stared deeply at me.

“As the president of the school that you supposed to be at, I think I do.  You have one week to come back, or you’ll be expelled”

“Not that you care, but the last time I was there, I punch half of the basketball team. Is that someone that you want in your school?”

“I don’t care about what you did. By the way, if you come back I will erase this episode off you record” he raised an eyebrown.

“You seemed to care a lot when that happened” he said with a serious tone “I’ll think about it. Now move”

I smiled and moved away, going to the stairs, but feeling his stare at my back.

“Morning” I said the next day, sitting behind my table.

“Good morning president” the other council members answered.

“President, the month is about to end, should I remove the name of Im Jaebum off the students system?”

“Not yet, Sato. I gave him one week to come back”

“Y-you talked to him?” my friend, the vice president, asked.

“Yes, I got his address at the system” I opened my math book.

“You shouldn’t do that anymore, he’s dangerous, he could hurt you”

No one at the council knew about the two of us before the basketball episode happened, not even my best friend Yui.

“Stop the drama, Yui. He’s not a bad guy”

“He’s here” someone said looking through the window, I stood to see as well.

Jaebum was wearing the same black hoodie under the school’s uniform. His backpack was hanging in the shoulder. Some girls that talked over there backed away quickly.

“You can go now, warn the 3C teacher that Im Jaebum will be there”

“Okay, see you later president”

“Bye, Y/n” Yui said.

As soon as everyone left, he entered and sit across my table.

“So…I’m here” he said.

I grabbed a bubblegum package in my pocked and gave to him.

“You haven’t quit the cigarette, huh?” he took the pack and eat one.

“You’ll remove that suspension off my record or not?”

“I removed yesterday”

“What? Why?”

“I knew that you would come if I asked” I smiled at him. He laughed ironically with that beautiful smile I used love to see.

“How cocky” he took his backpack and moved to the door, I followed him.

“Do you still remember where’s your looker?”

“I remember everything” his eyes stared at me and I knew what he was talking about.

“Why didn’t you come back?” I looked down “You were suspended for only two weeks, Jaebum”

“Maybe I didn’t want to come back. Who could blame me?” I held his stare for less then ten seconds “What happened to the moron basketball team captain?”

“His father took him out of school”


We left the room and I locked it.

“Hey, you” I called the kid that was walking by the corridor “Where’s your pass?”

He keep walking pretend he didn’t listened, but Jaebum grabbed him by the collar.

“She asked ‘where’s your pass’” Jaebum said intimidating the boy. He got nervous and grabbed the pass out his pocket. Jaebum let him go and the boy ran to the bathroom.

“That was unnecessary” I said.

“I though funny, he got pale”

“Go to your class, and don’t disturb anyone”

“President?” he called, soon his arms were in the wall behind me, his face got close and whispered “You won’t get rid of me easily now”

“I know”

The last class was physical education. Yui and I changed in the locker room, ready to play volleyball. But before going to the court I saw a familiar face sitting on the bleacher with a cheerleaders pompom and a sarcastic face.

“Why Im Jaebum is cheering for us?” Yui asked.

“Pick a team, Yui” I told her and went to Jaebum “What you’re doing here? You’re supposed to be on the basketball team”

“My back hurts” he said with a fake pout. I knew that this was only an excuse.

“Go the nursery room then”

“I wanted to see you play” he smiled  “You still wear this shorts after what happened?” he pointed to my short shorts.

“That’s the physical education uniform, all the girls wear”

“You could use a large one” I sense the jealous in his voice.

“I’ll take you to the nursery myself after the game”

“President you’re at my team!” Hana raised her hand.

I loved the volleyball classes, boys stayed away and I could calm down around the girls.

The school boys messed up a lot, always intimidating the girls and the weakest ones. When I became the council president I had to fix their behavior, and… well, I hasn’t the most loved one because of this.

“Hey, Jaebum wasn’t expelled after that fight? What’s he doing here?” a girl at my team asked.

“He was just suspended” Yui said.

“He’s hot” another girl said looking at him and missing a ball.

“Attention” I said.

They keep quiet until the subject returned.

“Is it true that he knocked the basketball team because of a girl?”

I freeze.

“Jaebum! What are you doing?!”
He was on top of the team captain, Jaebum’s fist was covered in blood and it keep hitting the captain’s face.


Before I could raise my hands to defend the ball it was already in my face, and I was at the ground.

My nose burned and I could barely breath.

When I opened my eyes all the girls were around me and blood ran through my nose violently.

“Move!” a hand pushed away the girls and I saw Jaebum’s worried face “Who needs to go to the nursery now?” he said in a low voice.

Yui was terrified, asking if she should call someone or and ambulance.

“I’m okay! Enough drama” I covered my nose wishing that it didn’t break.

“Keep the game, I’ll take her to the nursery” Jaebum took my free hand helping me stand and put the other hand on my waist giving support. But soon as I stood everything started to swirl, my feet didn’t seem to be on the ground.

“The ball hit you hard, it must had hurt your internal ear” I felt something behind my knee and I when I realized, Jaebum was carrying me.

“J-Jaebum put me on the ground, if someone see me like that–”

“Shh, stay quiet, okay?”

I was dizzy and with too much blood on my face and mouth. Jaebum carried me slow, I placed my head on his shoulder so the world stop spinning.

For a moment the memories came back.

“We shouldn’t be here. My class will come to the volley and yours to basket” I whispered feeling his lips at the sweet spot on my neck, his hand caressed my thigh.

“I don’t wanna play today” his voice tickle my neck.

“But I have to, sorry” I lightly pushed his shoulders. He sighed with the forehead on my shoulder.

“Fine, but seriously, think about using a larger shorts”

“Why? Boys hate me anyways”

“I don’t hate you” he pouted cutely. I couldn’t resist and I pecked him before moving away from his lap. I quickly ran my hands through my hair.

Some voices echoed in the locker room when the basket team entered.

“I’m not saying this again, Im Jaebum, keep your stuff inside your locker. This is a school not your house” I threw the jacket that was on the ground at him. I turned to leave and the team was quietly listening my fake fight.

Before I leave someone said “Dude, what’s her problem with you? You guys looks like Tom and Jerry…” 

That was the only way we could spend some time together so no one get suspicious.

“The first day I’m back and already have to rescue you. How did you survived two months without me?”

I didn’t answered. Soon I saw the white nursery room. Jaebum slowly put me on the bed there.

“Don’t lay down, stay sit” he left for seconds and came back with a damp fabric. He took my hand off my face and cleaned the blood “Hold this. Is your nose hurting? Don’t seem broken” he searched for something in the first aid box and took a large band aid.

“A little” I finished cleaning the blood off my face and lips, not feeling dizzy anymore. Jaebum put the band aid on the top of my nose.

“There’s still blood on my face?” I lifted my chin at him.

“Yes, over here” his face was already close to mine, now there was no distance between us when his lips touched mine. I tried to pushed him away because of the blood taste, but he hold me close and deepened the kiss. His hand ran up my exposed thigh and squeeze it hard.

“y/n?” I heard Yui’s voice at distance. Jaebum backed away slowly.

“I’m here, Yui”

After long minutes trying to convince her that I was fine she finally gave up the idea of taking me to the hospital when the bell ranged.

“This is so embarrassing” I lowered my head ashamed of the band aid on my nose. Some people looked at me worried, other ones looked disgusted, to those Jaebum stared a threatening look. I stopped at my locker to pick my stuff and check my face at mirror.

“Dude!” I heard Jackson’s voice. He gave Jaebum one of those ‘men hug’. “I didn’t know that have you returned. You gonna play on the team again?”

“No, I’m trying to stay away from issues” he quickly looked at me through the mirror.

“What happened to you president?” Jackson asked worried.

“Just an accident at volley” I touched my nose and he hissed.

“So… what’s your status now?” he pointed to me and Jaebum. Jackson knew about us, and the basketball episode.

Before I could answered something, Jaebum whispered something to him, Jackson laughed and leave.

“What did you said?” I asked.

“Nothing much” he kissed my cheek and went to his locker.

After I changed back to my uniform clothes, I went to the teachers room and talked to the 3c teacher.

“Don’t worry, y/n. I will keep an eye on him”

“Thank you” I said and leave, ready to go home.

“I need no nanny” Jaebum said soon as I left the room.

“You were listening?” I sighed “It’s not a nanny. Just a guarantee”

We walked slowly outside the school where the sunset colored the streets orange.

“Guarantee that I’ll not punch anyone else?” he asked offended stopping in front of me. I remembered that day again.


I stepped out the locker room and joined the girls at the volleyball game. We took half of the court and the boys the other half. I focused at our game and only realized what was happening on the other side of the court when a girl screamed “President!”

I ran to see what was going on, some boys from the team were lying on the ground. I recognized Jaebum’s black hair.

“Jaebum! What are you doing?!”

He was on top of the team captain, Jaebum’s fist was covered in blood and it keep hitting the captain’s face.


I pulled him by the arm, almost getting hit. His face was red in anger. Some students took the captain to the nursery room and called an teacher. The teachers demanded that I suspend Jaebum.

“What was that?!” I asked him soon as we stayed alone. He didn’t look me in the eye, his hands were shaking. “Answer me!”

“He was talking about you”

“So what? People do talk about me why–”

“He was talking disgusting things about you! About what he would he do with you in that freaking shorts!” his face was red again. I breathed deeply.

“Did anyone else heard this?”

“No, just me”

“I’m sorry Jaebum” he looked at me confused “You are suspended for two weeks for attacking an colleague”

“What?! What about him?!”

“I can’t prove what he said, the other boys told that you attacked him without a reason”

“You must be kidding me…”

“Take your things, you must leave until the next class starts”

He looked pissed, but turned and leave.

“I had to do something. You put me in deep trouble, I thought the three of us were getting expelled that day” I sighed “I don’t wanna see you like that again”

“What was I supposed to do? Listen to that son of a bitch talking those things about you?” we slowly walked toward my house.

“Don’t you think that if I cared about those kind of comments about me I wouldn’t get expelled myself?”

“You don’t understand, y/n. He was looking at you as an animal, and still had the courage to whisper at me what he wanted to do to you. Not even Buda would let a guy say those things and walk away without a punch.


“Listen to me” he stopped in front of me again “I know you’re tough and shit, but I rather get my hands dirty so your name stay away from those assholes mouths” he stepped close, his hands held my face and looked me at the eye “You’re the only one I true care about”

I grabbed him by the tie pushing him to a kiss. He kissed me lightly, carefully to not touch my bruised nose.

“I missed you” I said.

“Be my girlfriend" he whispered. His words shocked me, I looked into his eyes to see if he was serious about it. “Be my girlfriend” he repeated.

I lowered my head resting on his shoulder thinking about us. I mean, I like him, how he made me feel, his protector instinct, his smile, his kiss…

But his temper worried me.

He waited patiently my answer, caressing my back. I lifted my head and pecked his lips

“Only if you promise to control your temper”

“Fine, with the condition that you’ll wear a lager shorts” I laughed and he smiled.



Rules | answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you’d like to get to know better!

tagged by @zer0-white Gracias, linda :)
Name: Laura
Nicknames: L
Zodiac Sign: Gemini
Height: 1.63
Orientation: Straight
Nationality/Ethnicity: Spanish
Favorite Fruit: Watermelon
Favorite Season: Winter
Favorite Book: The Trouble With Being Born - Emil Cioran
Favorite Flower: Passion flower
Favorite Scent: Vanilla, coconut, incense…
Favorite Color: Black
Favorite Animal: Wolf
Coffee, Tea, Or Hot Cocoa: Tea
Average Sleep Hours: 6-7
Cat Or Dog Person: Dog
Favorite Fictional Character: Batman
Number Of Blankets You Sleep With: 2
Dream Trip: Italy, Greece, Iceland…
Blog Created: 2014
Number Of Followers: 502

I tag @valhallstruevalkyrie @sleep-tight-my-mistress-in-white @draaum @georgeiniesta in case you want to do this

So, I was curious this morning. How much of my life have I spent watching Tangled? Well, since December 25th, 2010, I have seen Tangled 502 times. Now, Tangled is 100 minutes long, which means I have spent 50,200 minutes watching it. 50,200 minutes is 836 hours and 40 minutes, which in turn is 34 days, 20 hours, and 40 minutes.

I have spent nearly 35 days of my life watching Tangled. 😍😍😍

You Got The Job

External image

A/N: You guys wanted me to finish this so here it is. Enjoy!! :)

My fingers tapped nervously against the clipboard in my hands. I was going to be interviewed for a job today, and I really wanted to do a rather good job. This was one of the greatest company warehouse in the country. I just had to do a good job.

“Ms. (Y/L/N)?” I looked up and saw a lady a few years older than me holding the door open to the rest of the offices.

“Ms.Upton will be interviewing you. She’s in room 504.” I nodded, grabbing my things as I walked to the room number she called.

“500…..502…..504.” I sighed heavily, knocking on the door.

“Come in.” The muffled female voice came from outside the door. I opened the door slowly, peeking my head in first. There I saw woman sitting down at her desk. She had her blonde hair in a bun, glasses hanging a bit low from her eyes, and her buttoned up shirt showing a bit too much cleavage.

“You’re (Y/N)?” She asked. I shyly nodded.

“Don’t be shy love. I’m Ms.Upton. Have a seat” She gave me a warm smile, reaching out to shake my hand. I shook her hand, taking a seat in one of the chairs infront of her desk. I handed her my clipboard with my resume on it. She picked it up, her eyes scanning over it. She then presumed to ask me a few questions. Mostly about the college I went to, what I know about this kind of job, and stuff like that. As she asked me things, I couldn’t help but notice how she was giving me a little seductive eye. She also would lean over her desk occasionally, as if to tease me with her breasts.

“Well (Y/N), you’ve done a real good job today,"She said, getting up from her seat and walking slowly towards me,"you’ve had one the best interviews this place has had in a while. I can definitely see you working wonders in this place.”

“Oh thank you so mu—”

“But there is one more thing you need to do before I can hire you.” I gave her a confused look. She just said I had one of the best interviews. What else could I possibly need to do? She walked behind the chair I was sitting on, placing her hands on the chair’s shoulders. She lowered her head down to my neck.

“Ms.Upton?…….” I slowly started to feel uncomfortable.

“Remember what I said earlier babe. Don’t be shy.” She whispered in my ear, kissing my earlobe. I immediately stood up, turning to look at her.

“I-I don’t think this is appropriate for you to be—”

“Oh don’t act like you don’t want me too. I saw how you were looking at my tits,” She said, unbuttoning her top,“you were literally just begging to get your lips on these. And I’m more than happy to let you.” She smirked, taking her shirt completely off. She was only left in her bra (that really wasn’t needed since her breasts barely fitted in there) and that short grey pencil skirt. I sucked in my breath, backing up away from her as she moved closer. I ended up bumping into her desk. She pushed me all the way onto it, spreading my legs open. I snapped them closed.

“Do you want this job or not?”

“Yes, of course! But..why do I have to do all this.”

“Because I said so.” She growled, pushing my legs open again. She yanked my shirt off, placing kisses on my chest. 

“You’re wearing way too much shit, babe.” She said, unclasping my bra and sliding off my skirt. I was only left in my panties. She moved down to my breasts, squeezing them both in her hand. She licked them lightly, looking up at me. 

“Don’t try and be quiet. I want you to be loud. Let everyone know who’s gonna fuck you on this desk.” Her words made my cheeks fluster. I wasn’t used to dirty talk, neither have I tried it. I guess it’s best to give it a shot today. I started to moan as she gave more attention to my breasts, making her smirk.

“That’s right baby.” She murmumed. She stood up straight, pulling me off the desk and onto my kness, right infront of her pussy that was clothed in her panties.

“I want you to suck my pussy and make me cum, alright?” She said. I nodded, watching as she slipped her panties off of her. She grabbed me by my hair, putting my face right on her pelvis. I waisted no time sticking my tongue inside her. She tasted wonderful.

“Fuck, just like that.” She moaned out,unlcasping her bra. I watched as she fondles her breasts in her hand, dirty moans leaving her mouth. I began rubbing her clit as I licked her, trying to bring her closer to her climax.

“O-oh I’m so fucking close, keep doing that.” She grinded into my face roughly and quickly. Moments passed before she came all over my face, most of it going in my mouth.

“Get back on the desk.” She demanded. I climbed on the desk, watching as she climbed on top of me. She took off my panties, sitting in between my legs. 

“Have you ever done scissoring before?” She asked. I slowly shook my head.

“Well, I’m glad I can be the one you experience this with.” She smirked, before rocking her hips into mines. I let out a loud moan. This was better than what I could expect. She grinded roughly into me, the desk shaking with our every movement.

“You like that? You like when I fuck your pussy like this?” She said gradually getting faster. When I didn’t respond, she pulled my hair.

“When I ask you a fucking question, you answer.” She growled.

“Y-yes, I love when you fuck m-my pussy like this.” I barely got out, moans slipping out of my mouth. She moaned at my words, grinding even faster. I reached over and fondled with her breasts, my climax soo coming.

“Come on baby, cum for me.” She said, our grinding starting to get sloppy. Before I knew it, I came probably harder than I ever had. I fell back onto the desk, trying to catch my breath. She got off, handing me my clothes as she slipped on her own clothes. Once we were both fully clothes, she turned to me and smiled.

“I had a great time with you today.” She said, winking at me. I giggled, sliiping on my heels.

“I had a great time with you too.”

“You definitely got the job.” A grin stretched out on my face. I gave a her a big hug.

“Thank you so much. I promise I won’t disappoint you Ms.Upton.”

“I know you won’t babe. You can start tomorrow, and I’ll show you around.” She told me some other information, before I was on my way. Before I walked out completely, she placed a kiss on my neck from behind.

“We’ll be sure to continue this next time.” She whispered, squeezing my ass before pushing me out the door.



INFJ Confession #502

I hate how being an INFJ makes it seem like I’m an extrovert to other people. As much as I care for individuals and society, my body and my mind just cannot handle it. Its awful when I don’t realize that is all a mask, and that my body and my mind just end up breaking.

[Cnetz] : “How would you feel if you met Chanyeol in real life ?”

Cnetz reactions to Instiz post “How would you feel if you met Chanyeol in real life?”

Forwards : 8 122

Comments : 5054

Likes : 15 067

[+502] I refused to see Chanyeol in real life from the start because I’m afraid that I might get too shocked by his handsomeness.     

[+470] Chanyeol always makes you feel calm… I always feel that nothing bad will ever happen to him… This kid makes you feel at ease….

[+466] I accompanied my friend to the SM building. EXO appeared at night that day. There were many EXO fans and I was pushed to their van with my face against the car window. My eyes met Chanyeol’s eyes. My first impression is: OMG, this kid’s eyes are so beautiful and so damn bright.    

[+371] My friend dragged me there. In the end, I fell for him immediately! Chanchan already looks so handsome in pictures, but he is even more attractive in real life! What impressed me the most is that everyone said “Chanyeol is so damn handsome!” “he’s so tall and has nice skin” when we left the airport. His dressing style is very casual. My body stiffened when he walked by me!  

[+319] This is what a handsome guy looks like.               

[+277] I want to bang him. Upvote me please. Tell me I’m not the only one.    

[+251] This boy looks better in real life than in pictures.          

[+237] Oh my god oh my god, the whole background blurred out but he didn’t!

[+226] I fainted on the streets.           

[+216] Stop!!!! Simply thinking about it makes me shake!!!!             

[+197] My husband!! Bang me!!                

[+188] Shocked, his visual is too good.            

[+186] Chanyeol is the first one I liked in EXO. I’ve been a fan since Roommate.    (commenter is a VIP)     

[+156] I thought I would faint if I met GD in real life, but I was calm when I really saw him. It should be the same.             

[+144] So tall, so handsome, so cute. But I’m so stupid. Aaaaaaa      

[+130] I will faint and he will catch me and say “Are you OK?” with his deep voice.   

[+136] I will let you know when I see him in real life.            

[+119] Chanyeol, I want to give birth to your baby. That’s how I feel.           

[+104] I would scream and my tears would fall down silently.          

[+95] I will throw myself at him.                  

[+17] When one of my best friends who judges me very hard because I like Korean stars went to visit Korea, she said she would take pictures of Sehun for me. In the end, she didn’t meet Sehun but met Chanyeol. When she came back, she said “oh s***, I think I’m in love!” Though she never joined the fandom, she always asks me to collect Chanyeol’s pictures for her so that she could lick her screen. She always recommends others to travel to Korea so that they can take pictures of Chanyeol for her.               

[+16] My friend went to EXO’s concert. Her seat was in the second row - you know, right under Chanyeol’s thigh. She was not a fan, her friend gave her the ticket. She said Chanyeol in real life is 100 times more handsome than in pictures, and he is very very tall and handsome. She became a fan right after the concert. I will definitely go to their second tour this year. I want to sit right under his thigh!!      

[+10] During the EXO concert, he squatted down so that he could have eye contact with us, it was so sweet. I feel like I would call an ambulance. He is 100 times more handsome than in pictures. Why do I love him so much knowing that he will never marry me ?               

[+9] The first time I met them at the airport, he walked right in front of me. My only thought was: he is definitely the visual of EXO.  

[+10] I’m not a fan but I bet Chanyeol in real life must be extremely good looking, just like a doll.  

[+11] Chanyeol is the first person I use as my phone background that has everybody agreeing on his handsomeness.                       

[+5] I have the right to talk because I have met him in real life. The moment I saw him, my brain stopped working! The whole world suddenly brightened! He was all I could see. I whispered in my mind: oh f***, how can such a beautiful boy exist in this world!! I’ve loved him with all of my heart ever since.    

Translation by : Genie


Downton Abbey / Ep. 502 / Moments

I’m still working on my scene analysis write-up for the rest of Mary and Charles’s interactions during ep. 502, but I had to pause quickly and gif this moment, because I love it so much. I’ll talk more about the whole thing in the write-up, but how hot is Charles here? The man’s just trying to put his drink away so he can go to bed, then Mary brings up Tony and JO’s so good because you can just see Charles going, “You want to do this? Fine. We’ll do this.” As he slowly turns around, pauses briefly, rubs his tongue on the inside of his cheek (you can see it clearly in the third gif), and then confidently strides back towards her.

You know it’s good chemistry when you can feel the electricity even when the two of them aren’t in the same frame.

Unpopular opinion time (maybe?). That Jake/motel scene was one of my favorite scenes on the show. And for the first time in seasons, I don’t think Jake was irrelevant.

And I’m serious. I loved it. It was actually really tense for me. And I think that’s because I had the expectation that she was going to admit to the affair by the end to the episode. There was a moment when I thought Jake and Olivia were going to hook-up. I was truly restless waiting to be disappointed by a kiss…or something. But thanks to The One Who Is High they only cuddle. While I wasn’t thrilled by the sight (because it seemed like such a vast contradiction from the images we saw last week of her and Fitz), I completely understood and appreciated the moment. 

First and foremost, these moments of vulnerability where Olivia outwardly express fear and shame, so few and far between, are the moments that I’ve wanted to see for seasons. For two seasons, I, like many of you, complained that the writers glossed over her mental state. And I don’t mean solving her issues. I’m not talking therapy. I mean giving viewers an understanding of what’s going on in her head. I don’t expect the writers to put her in a therapy session when they’ve barely portrayed her as having full emotions in relation to the plot they’ve thrown her way. 

So concerned with the mechanics of the plot, it seemed like a rarity to see portrayals of Olivia living in her emotions. In season three and four, if something horrible happened to Olivia, it didn’t seem to matter.  The writers were clearly interested in moving the story along not so much growing Olivia’s character and dealing with her emotions in explicit ways. Viewers really had to infer what was going on in her head, even with her PTSD. Though we understood how her PTSD happened, it’s still unclear why she made some of the choices she made. Sure, she wanted to forget her present situation. But why were hook-ups the way to do it? There are many ways for people to forget their problems (drugs and alcohol, shopping, working, eating, binge watching). Why sex? While I found the portrayal of her PTSD to be interesting, I didn’t find it to be particularly nuanced. It was any easy way to “shock” the viewer in the reveal of Russell  being B613. Again, it seemed like the writers were more interested in the plot versus truly growing Olivia in believable ways. I have found this to be particularly frustrating because I don’t think that’s always true of other characters. I also found this disappointing because Scandal has never done plot that well. It has always succeeded in building character driven stories. 

But something different happened in 502. 501 was important because Olivia expressed her wants and desires. Through her conversation with Fitz on the balcony, her fears could be implicitly inferred. However, 502 makes her express fear outwardly. Not only that, we get to see for the first time since perhaps 211, when she goes along with rigging the election, Olivia deal with the competing thoughts in her head. Her struggle with thinking about Fitz’s love, her father’s hateful words, and Jake’s profession of love shows all over her face. These types of moments add to the humanity of her character and make her even more relatable. 

But it didn’t stop there. When she expresses the shame she feels/has felt…I could have fucking cried, and I’m not even kidding. Let’s just take a moment to relive it. 

“I’ve spent so much time, years, ashamed. With shame pressing on me, suffocating me. For just a little bit, I let myself breathe. And..then those photos come out. And that’s what I’m running from. That feeling, the shame.” 

Are you kidding me? How can you not feel for her? This is how you build characters worth investing in. You make your audience empathize with them. But how can we do it if the characters are voiceless? 

We knew in 312, during that lovers’ quarrel with Fitz in the hotel, that Olivia wasn’t proud of her mistress status. But to have her explicitly express it, without metaphors, just plainly stating how she feels seems like a triumph of epic proportions. She’s not running away from Fitz. She’s running away from the burden that shame has placed on her. From the humiliation and indignity she feels for loving a man at the wrong time. These are the moments that add depth to a character. It’s not running around aimlessly chasing super spies. It’s having characters deal with conflict and sort through difficult emotion. From this moment alone, I feel like I got a better understanding of Olivia Pope. 

So scared and so confused and ashamed, she needs to be physically comforted. She may not be in love with Jake, but she clearly cares about Jake and feels comfortable with Jake. I appreciate that he could give her just a moment of security when she felt so insecure. And on top of that, really good advice, describing the ways in which fear makes you trust your instincts. Advice, might I add, that is likely the reason she said “Yes.” In that moment, swirled by paparazzi and journalists, she was acting on pure instinct. The admission didn’t occur in some methodical, planned press conference. It felt like a simple gut instinct. 

But more than that, Jake’s presence helps Fitz see that a life of public shame is not what’s best for Olivia. It was only when those pictures of Olivia and Jake in the diner were revealed, only when Abby convinced Fitz, given who Olivia was with, she was not interested in the spotlight, did Fitz wave his white flag, leaving singlehandedly the sweetest, most selfless fictitious voicemail I’ve ever heard.

 It’s indisputable to me that Jake’s presence was unnecessary and irrelevant in the latter half of season 4. When he was stabbed, it truly didn’t matter if he lived or died because he didn’t serve the plot in any meaningful way, and certainly in no such distinct way that necessitated his presence on the show for season 5. But in 502, I truly believe he needed to be there. Huck or Quinn’s presence wouldn’t have convinced Fitz that Olivia didn’t want to be in the spotlight. Fitz may have assumed that Olivia was just working not running if Huck or Quinn had accompanied her. Huck is too inhumane at this point to even offer advice or comfort to Olivia. Huck doesn’t know how to human anymore. Quinn is too self-involved, Abby is too judgmental (and clearly untrustworthy), Cyrus is too self-serving. In this scenario, Jake is truly the only person who could comfort Olivia, give her useful advice, and also be the spark that allows Fitz to see the bigger picture. For the first time possibly ever, I appreciated Jake’s role on the show. 

Last night’s episode wasn’t perfect. There were certainly some pacing issues. And the case of the week was TRASH. But honestly Scandal’s cases are always trash and forgettable. I couldn’t remember a half dozen cases between season three or four if I tried. But this case served a good purpose. We have more evidence that Olivia’s ability to function like a normal human in times of crisis depends on work. We got see Olivia get hands on with a case not just delegate and come up with ideas and plans. She goes to North Carolina and handles it herself, acting as part PI, part bounty hunter, all bad bitch. But more than that, we see clearer sides to her humanity. And I’m always here for that.