I have a lot to say but I don't know how to say it

Rise and Shine

Okay, I thought about this because personally, I love ‘crow people’ I don't really know how are they call, I believe they are Kenkus but I’m not sure. Anyways I hope this story goes well with the OkCryptid collab made by @thetravelerwrites. Check out the Masterlist! As always I appreciate the feedback and comments. 

Disclaimer: hints of past bullying, racism, discrimination, and anxiety. 

Words: 4462

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This Summer was already in the city and nobody is more excited than I! I remember how wonderful was to wake up in the morning with the sun in your face, ready to greet you with excitement for starting a new day. That was back then when I use to live with my parents in the little town of Reindor, but even though the city is so much different from the countryside, eventually, I’ve learned to adapt myself to the constant noise of the cars or the lack of nature.

Luckily for me, the balcony in my apartment allows me to have enough sunlight to stay alive. I love to drink coffee in the morning and listen to my favorite playlist while enjoying the first sunrays of the day. In the evening I’ll take my time watering and playing some music for my plants, my mother taught me this little secret and my succulents and flowers are tall and strong thanks to it.

I had other ways to make myself less homesick. The most noticeable is that I spend a few dollars a month to have freshly bloomed sunflowers deliver to my door. I normally cut a little the stems and put them in a vase on my table with ice cubes, this trick I also learn it from my mother. What can I say? I’m a sunshine person and I love sunflowers as well. It’s just so amazing the way they move just to follow the sun, I like to think of it as a metaphor for life, like; always look at the bright side or always follow what makes you happy.

Today I had no class so I can spend the day calmly listening music and eating popcorn for lunch, I was trying to think about traveling somewhere for a change of view but it is a little difficult considering most of my time I’m busy with college. Not because I’m bad studying or I have that much work to do, but I have always been obsessed with having the best grades. I know is a lot of stress on my shoulders but I can’t seem to slow down a bit, I can’t even remember the last time I went out with friends.

The sound of a knocking in the door pushes my thoughts away, it must be the flowers I order yesterday.

I open the door and I’m greeted by a stunning bouquet of sunflowers. ‘’Good evening Idalia. I brought your monthly order’’. Linel gives me a gentle smile today, it’s small but is just as bright as the flowers. I feel lucky to see it.

Linel was the delivery guy of my favorite flower shop. He has the head and wings of a crow along with the taloned feet and four-fingered hands with sharp claws. The first time I saw him I was surprised not by his appearances, but by his cold and uninterested attitude towards me, avoiding eye contact and barely saying anything. I wasn’t expecting a hug but maybe he could at least looked at me in the eyes when I gave him the money. I didn’t know why but I tried my best to cheer him up, he always looked so gloomy and sad so I started making small conversations. It took a few more deliveries for him to actually open up a little.

‘’Why did you always order so many? If you mind me asking’’. I was taken by surprise by the fact that he was asking me something, and even more when I notice this was the first time he looked at me instead of his notepad. I gave him my best smile and answered him.

‘’I really love sunflowers! They remind me of a flower field that’s near to my father’s farm’’

‘’Hmm’’ was all he said. He made me firm the paper, took the money and leave without saying nothing else. After that, his attitude change from cold to just a little introvert and even shy. We exchange names and I learned that he has been the delivery guy for the flower shop for years now. He actually apologized to me for acting weird in the past, even when I told him it wasn’t really a big deal. 

He began to do eye contact when we talked, most of the times it was just the smallest and simple things and other times we would tell jokes to each other, he was shy but also funny and a great chatter. He knows a lot of things not only about flowers but also about other wild plants, one time he even confessed to me that he enjoys going camping and watching the stars.

 I felt a little sorry because we are only able to talk when I order my flowers.

I grab the bouquet and give it a good look. These are definitely fleshly bloomed. ‘’Thanks a lot Linel, you always bring me the prettiest ones’’

‘’I know you love them and I want them to make you smile’’. He scratches the back of his neck.

‘’Aw. You’re being such a charmer today’’ I giggle and his cheeks darken a little. I know he’s shy but it’s so funny to mess a little with him.

Looking at him a little closer he seems more anxious than other times, it may be because he’s in a hurry so I put the bouquet the vase and I handed him the money, I always wait for him to count the money so I didn’t miss anything. He looks at the coins for a few long seconds. ‘’Is everything okay?’’ I ask him.

‘’Uh? Oh! Yeah, I was just spacing out’’

‘’Well, if that’s everything then-‘’

‘’Oh! Actually…’’ he reached in his backpack and pull out a small bag of seeds. ‘’Sibhi thought it would be a good idea to sell some nuts and seeds as well, and since you always order sunflowers… well… Would you like some?’’

I do like sunflower and I do love sunflower seeds. I never expected for the flower shop to start selling this but maybe the owner thought it would be good to sell something else besides flowers and gardening stuff. It didn’t matter the reason, I would have bought it anyway.

‘’Of course, I like them a lot’’ I reach for my wallet, I do have a few dollars more. ‘’How much it cost?’’

‘’It’s on the house! You are a regular by now and it would help us some honest feedback to know if the product its good’’

He handed me the bag so slowly that our hands brushed against each other. His claws are as black as his hand but his feather has a bluish glimmer on it. I’m afraid I stared at him for too long because he suddenly clears his throat and looks around avoiding my gaze.

‘’Hope you like them. See you later’’

He walks away to the elevator before I could say goodbye to him. Sometimes I wish he wasn’t this distance, maybe we could get along really well. I like being with him, even if it’s just talking about the same stuff. I hope we can be at least friends.

I quickly cut the flowers and put return them to the vase. The rest of the day I spend it texting to one of my classmates from college, I’m not so close to Daisy but we always happen to share the same groups and high scores. The thing that shook me most when I first saw her was that she looked super skinny, like a magazine model, and back then I only saw her eating the same fruits and salads in the cafeteria. I picture her as a mean and superficial girl but when we did our first assign project I was proved wrong, she was sweet and caring and she clearly knew more about the subject than the rest of us.

I’ve seen her a few times around and I’m glad she looks happier. She seems to have gained a little bit of weight as well, she looks way healthier than before so she must be doing well. I’m happy for her.

We were discussing our presentation when I decide to ask her about it, just for curiosity. She tells me that she met a girl on the OkCryptid app and since then they have been on countless dates. She doesn’t go into detail but I can see for the heart emojis that she’s excited about it. Must be nice to be in love.

I’ve heard about this app before, a lot of my classmates in college use it. I wasn’t interested in finding someone so I didn’t pay much attention to it and it wouldn’t be a smart decision considering I’m awful at organizing my times. To me, it didn’t matter the species that much, I’ve actually dated a satyr before but it didn’t work out in the end, we’re still friends though but rarely talk to each other.

Overall I find it like a great option for others to get to know each other, after all, they’re still a few misconceptions about human dating other species. Mainly because there has been a lot of catfishing and a bunch of fetishists, so not so many people are okay with the idea of the app.

‘’Maybe…. I could give it a try? Maybe just to see how it is?’’ I say to myself while I click on the icon to download it. My curiosity is too strong to resist it anyway.

The app comes along with a huge and long quiz about you, things like; your preferences, sexual orientation, what type of monsters are you interest on, and another section to input your hobbies, favorite music, books, and movies. There was a point where I was tired of answering questions so I put the phone away and decide to watch what’s good on YouTube. Thirty minutes later and after seeing all the new videos from my subscriptions I continue with the quiz until I finish it.

Finally, I decide to put a selfie I took with the sunflower I got earlier and add an easy description; ‘’I’m a happy and sometimes a silly girl who loves to talk and have fun’’. I wonder for a moment if it’s too cheesy but I can’t think of anything else to write, so whatever. While I’m scrolling through the different profiles I receive a notification from the app.

Apparently, I have a 90% match with someone living nearby. Awesome! I click the icon and let out a loud gasp after seeing the profile picture. It’s Linel! Although in his picture he is holding a basket with different kinds of flowers and wearing the apron of the flower shop. I don’t know why am I this surprised, considering this app was made for cryptids. But deep in my head I had the idea that Linel was already on a relationship, he was actually nice and good looking so this is a little surprising to me.

Should I message him or not? Maybe it would be weird considering we DO know each other and the point of this app was to meet new people. After a good hour and twenty minutes arguing with myself in my head, I give up and decide is best not to message him. I leave my phone charging in my nightstand and go to sleep with my curtains open, waiting for the sun or my alarm to wake me up.

The next day it was my alarm who woke me up, which was normal but I was surprised not to see the sunlight coming from my window. I live on the sunny side of the city so it rather unusual to not see it. I look from my window and I’m shocked to see the day was cover in grey clouds. I didn’t check the weather forecast last night, but there have been no signs for this kind of weather, the sky has been clear and the wind keeps itself calm.

Days like this make me feel really sad. Don’t get me wrong, I like rainy days because I’m one of those people who buys a pair of rain boots just to jump in the water pools. But grey and windy days are just depressive to me. What’s even more annoying for me is that I have classes from sunrise to sunset, along with a group presentation which I already know it will be exhausting.

In the only break I have which is at lunchtime, I try to grab an orange juice and a chicken wrap from the college’s cafeteria and sit in a quiet place with only my thoughts as company. My phone rings with a notification from the OkCryptid app. I open it and, to my surprise, Linel just send me a message.

>Hey! I didn’t think I’ve found you in here.

>although it is funny that we matched

>I know it must be weird that I’m talking to you through the app but… maybe this way we can get to know each other.

>What do you think?

For a split second, I forgot about the stress of the presentation and the gloomy sight of the weather. I feel happy to see that he wants to get along as much as I do but also really nervous.

But before I can answer him my lunch time is over and I need to focus in the next class if I don’t want to fall asleep, that’s my priority right now. I’ll text him later.

The class ended and unluckily for me I end up leaving when it starts raining. And apparently, I wasn’t the only one who didn’t notice the sudden change of weather and forgot to bring an umbrella. The college’s doors need to be closed so I had no other option but to run away idiotically looking for shelter. Rainy days can be really enjoyable when you’re in your bed watching TV and drinking hot chocolate, but when you’re soaking wet and freezing, the story is another.

I put my coat around my head trying to protect me from the rain I see the flower shop from afar. The lights are on but I can see the tiny sign of CLOSED. It doesn’t matter really, I just need a little bit of roof to cover my head before heading home.

The temperature drops considerably, I’ve just been standing here for a few minutes and I’m already shivering, crossing my arms trying to keep the little warmth I have in my body. Suddenly the door of the shop opens and I’m not greeted by the usual naga girl, but by Linel wearing the apron of the shop and his hands full of dirt.

“What are you doing in this cold?!” he asks me with an accusatory tone.

“I…” I don’t know how to answer, I’m too busy shivering to form any understandable word. He grabbed me by my wrist and pull me so I enter the shop.

“Come on in, you’re going to die of hypothermia standing here!”

It was weird for me to hear him this alarmed, especially when I used to his cool and collective attitude. It was just a little bit of rain, I wasn’t going to melt or something like that. The shop wasn’t as warm as I would like it but was definitely warmer than outside. He sat me on a bench and I remove my coat checking my pockets, even the cash inside my pockets was wet. Lucky me. He asks me for my coat so he could put it close to the heater to dry and gives me a towel.

He goes in the back and after a few minutes later, he sits beside me on the bench, giving me a cup of coffee. His hands are clean of dirt now, maybe he was planting before I came here?

“I’ll take that the rain got you by surprise too?”

“Yeah, I believe it took everyone by surprise. There was no way we could know that it was going to rain this much. The days have been lovely until today, this doesn’t make sense at all”

“Tell me about it. I had to move a lot of pots inside since we keep in the back to catch the sunlight. Some of the plants can drown or wither faster with too much water”

‘’You know a lot about plants. I only have a few flower pots and a few cacti since plants seem to die only by being around me’’ I chuckle.

He laughs a little and silence fills the entire shop, the only thing we can hear is the rain outside and the sound of me sipping my coffee.

After a while, I notice something peculiar. Between sip and sip of my cup, I notice Linel was eyeing me curiously, whenever I try to look at him he would turn and looks away. I believe he wants to ask me something or maybe he needs to do more important things and wants me to leave. The heat coming from the steaming cup was comforting but it didn’t stop me from shivering, even though the doors were closed I could feel a freezing breeze in my back. He must have noticed this because he spread one of his wings and wrap it around me.

“It must be cold without your coat and we can’t keep this place too warm because of the plants so… is this okay?”

His wing is a little bit heavier than I first imagine it, but it isn’t unpleasant. From under his wing, I see a few empty spaces, as if someone had pulled a bunch of feathers. That must have been painful.

“Thank you Linel, for letting me in. You’re very kind” He smiles at me but it fades quickly as he looks away once more. He starts tapping the floor compulsively with his left foot. I do the same when I’m bored but his expression is other like he’s lost in his mind.

“Did my…” he finally speaks. “Did my message upset you?”

“Uh?”

“My message, from the app. I thought you may be upset for the message or you may think I’m a weirdo.”

“Oh! No, no, no. Nothing like that, I would never get mad for something like this. I didn’t answer you immediately because I had a very busy day today and I had to put all my focus on my classes because I was super tired. But I was going to answer you in my way home”

He let out a relieved sigh. But then his posture became tense and besides his best efforts, he couldn’t look at me in the eyes, his foot now tapping faster.

“So… what do you think?”

“About getting to know each other you mean? I was actually surprised by it if I’m honest with you”

“Why is that?”

“The first few times you came to deliver my flowers you never looked at me in the eyes. I truly believe that you hated me for some reason”

He shocked his head and move his arms erratically. “I promise, it was nothing like that!” I giggle at his clumsiness.

“I know you didn’t mean it so doesn’t worry. If you really hated me you wouldn’t start a conversation”. I playfully lean a little closer to him and poke his cheek. “Much less invite me inside the shop besides being close and saving me for dying in the cold” I can the feathers around his neck fluff a little so I lean back against the bench, I don’t want to scare him after all. I want to befriend him.

“I… I don’t really feel comfortable around with humans” he finally says. “I use to live in a reclusive area only for cryptids and other monsters. When I move to the city to start high school I suffered a lot of bullying and harassment by them, so I lost most of my trust in humans. Those days were hell, with no exaggeration. I tried to defend myself from the attacks and it worked, but after that, I was excluded from everyone else. They really thought I was the guilty one, the beast, the monster…” My heart was aching. I put my cup aside and grab his hand in mine and squeeze it, he didn’t look at me but I could see a sad smile forming in his beak.

“When I finish high school I grabbed what I had and start working immediately, I get out with great grades and even a recommendation for the same college not far from here but I didn’t take the chance. I run away. The fear of experiencing the same cruel treatment petrified me. I took the job here because of the owner, I’ve been working here since then’’

For a moment I really don’t know what to say. Somehow I feel guilty to think bad of him when we first meet, I don’t really know if he thinks of me as a possible friend or just a terrible creature. Maybe is best if I leave and give him space, but there’s something that tells me to stay here and listen. Not talk. Just listen to what he has to say and support him.

‘’I really am a loser… I have no major achievements in life besides be able to drive my motorcycle and make flower arrangements. I’m scared of humans and can’t even look at others in the eyes… I’m worthless”

“That’s no true!” I yell. Linel looks at me with wide eyes, his eyes already glassy with tears ready to come out. I couldn’t see myself but I was sure I must look angry.

“You’re not giving yourself credit enough! Besides everything, you went through you still move on each day. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t moving at the same pace of other, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t do what others did. You still did your best…” I feel an anger that I haven’t feel in a long time. Not against him but how unfair has been the world with him. ‘’They may say so many things to you but they are all lies. Lies meant to hurt you and make you think less of yourself. Even if everyone is screaming it at your face that doesn’t make it true. That doesn’t make them right and doesn’t make you wrong!’’

I didn’t notice I was yelling until I heard the echo in the walls. Linel is looking at me speechless, shocked, to say the least, and I don’t blame him, I don’t have the right to be angry for it. In the end is not my business and maybe he doesn’t need someone else screaming at him.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know why-“

“Thank you”. He squeezes my hands and put his forehead on them, shivering like a leaf. A few drops fall into my hands and I lift his face to see he is finally crying. “I’ve been told all my life that I wasn’t good enough to keep trying, that it wasn’t worthy of me trying, I was nothing but a coward and I believe it…”

I put my hands on the side of his face making him look at me in the eyes. “Those people are a bunch of assholes”. I kiss the top of his beak and he lets out a tiny gasp. “You’re braver than you think, and I know is hard to believe when everyone is telling you that you’re wrong. So I’ll come to see you or text you or call you and say it again. And again, until you start believing it”

He smiles again, this time with joy in his eyes and in less than three seconds I’m wrapped in his arms and wings. I hug him back of course. I run my hand through his back and I’m surprised to see that his feather are actually smooth and soft and he smells like a mixture of wood and nutmeg. After twenty minutes of happy sobbing a warm hugs, he pulls away and I handed him a paper tissue from my pocket.

“Sorry about that. I acted more excited than I should”

“Don’t be sorry for being happy. Sometimes it’s a good thing to be silly”. We both giggle.

“Yeah, that’s what I liked about you. Every time I give you the flowers with a cold stare you acted funny or tried to make me smile”

“It worked out in the end right?”

“I did actually. And I’m grateful for it”

I started thinking maybe this rain was an act of destiny because out of nowhere the rain stopped and the clouds were dissipating fast. Linel grabs and gives me my coat which was dry except for the end of the sleeves but it doesn’t matter really since I don’t live too far from here. Before I could walk away from the shop Linel stands in the way, scratching the back of his neck and tapping the floor with his foot once again.

“Umm… Would it be okay if we go out some other time? Maybe to go see a movie or something?” I’m so glad he asked it, I didn’t want to leave without him suggesting the idea so I’m glad he’s comfortable enough to do it.

“Of course! I’m sorry but you won’t be able to get rid of me now”

“Don’t be. I’m excited, to be honest. I’ve been wanting to get to know you more but I was too shy to ask before”

“I guess it was a good coincidence that we matched in the app right? Maybe it was meant to be that our paths crossed?”

I was going to say my goodbye but he stops me and run to the back of the counter and grabs a small bag.

‘’Here! A little thank you for your help’’. He hands me a bag of sunflower seeds and I take it. In other situation, I would have rejected them but now I want to accept his gratefulness, although he was the one to help me first.

‘’You never told me if they were any good’’

‘’You’ll have to ask me when we go out next time’’ I winked playfully.

‘’Then I should invite you soon’’ he leans forward and presses a gentle kiss in my check. I swear, if I was cold I can’t remember it because that made my blood boil.  ‘’Goodnight Idalia’’

‘’Night’’

I feel victorious and happy. I jump into a few water pools of rain to celebrate and although my feet are soaking I couldn’t care less! Somehow I know that tomorrow it be brighter than ever.

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Thanks for reading, have a nice and sunny day!

Listen I’m bi as Heck and as much as I love girls, I also love boys? Boys are amazing and pure and liking boys is a wonderful feeling? I never see a lot of posts talking about cute boys so

Some Boy Aesthetics™ I’m in love with include:

Their tired grins? Have you seen a cute boy grin when he’s tired? Life Changing

Sleeves rolled up to forearms is all good and Well but also when they have Sweater Paws in their hoodies or jumpers? Makes the tallest of them seem so smol? I’m lov?

When they run their hand through their hair and it sticks up in places and it looks So Good

Collar Bones

Soft pudgy stomachs they absolutely make me melt

When ya boy gets flustered A++ Bonus points if he giggles Boys giggling is Everything

Alright. So, how do I explain this

My country is deeply controlled and manipulated right now. There is anti-lgbt propaganda everywhere you look, from giant banners in the streets, flyers, to adds on the internet and most tv channels.

I’m from Romania. One of the poorest countries in Europe. It is deeply christian, on the orthodox side, and the church now has control over the political and social situation. Our “politicians” are so corrupt they are making laws to make corruption legal, looking out for their friends who already got into delux prisons and hoping they won’t get there as well.

A few years ago, the church created this “union”, and they named themselves “Coaliția pentru familie”. In english it means “The Coalition for the Family”. They have created a series of rules, and these include

1. Writing in the Constitution that marriage can only be between a man and a woman (because i suppose it wasn’t clear enough in their opinion), and making it so it can never be changed.

2. Making abortion illegal. No matter whether it was from rape, incest, or if it meant the death of the mother or/and the child.

3. Making any contraceptive means illegal.

4. Stop women from going to work, making them dependable on their male counterparts/family members. And no, i’m not exaggerating that is actually what they wrote

5. Honestly there are so many more these are just at the top of my head

And, in 2016, the Coalition got approx 3 million votes.

Now, i’m not saying that they faked the votes. They (probably) didn’t. However, i know that most people probably didn’t even know what they were signing. They went in churches and made people vote. My grandmother doesn’t know how to read or write; all she knows is how to make a signature. She goes to church and i wouldn’t be surprised if they made her and people like her vote for things they really don’t understand.

Moving back to 2018. The political situation in Romania is….

Horrible.

On the 10th of August, there was a protest the diaspora organised. They came from countries all around the world back in romania to protest against the horridly corrupt government. The gov got the gendarmerie involved, and so over 450 people got into hospitals, some of them even in critical condition. And nobody is answering, moving the blame from themselves to the protesters themselves. And, amongst all this misery and conflict, in order to distract the people, they decided to have a refferendum. Against gay marriage.

The refferendum is asking whether they should change the constitution in the way the Coalition wants to or not. It costs over 45 million euros, and it’s going to be in 2 different days, 6 and 7 of october. It is very illegal. They complain that it’s not clear enough, but if that were the case it would mean that

a. Gay marriage is already legal, therefore they are depleting people from human rights

b. It’s not legal, making this whole thing absolutely useless.

This is only the beginning. There is no way we can win; the population is still deeply homophobic, racist, xenophobic, sexist, etc etc whatever you can think of, it is. But if this thing passes, then the other “laws” will have a chance too. And so, we’ll be moved back in the eighteenth century.

There is propaganda everywhere, especially in the big cities. These are just a small portion of them:

This internet add hurts a lot. 1918 is a very important year in our history, as it was the year we were able to unify Romania, and it is seen as the wish our people had for hundreds and hundreds of years, and so many people died for that dream. And now, they’re comparing this piece of shit of a refferendum with our nation’s only goal?? On the 100th anniversary????

Newspaper propaganda, where they are comparing gay people to fucking nazis

Tv add

They say “protect our kids” but to be honest with you, i feel anything but protected right now

My hands are shaking as i’m writing this. Our only hope is that people will boicot the ref, but many have been told by their priests that if they don’t go vote, they will publicly be shamed.

Here’s a link to an article that probably explains things better than i did

Romania to hold vote on whether to permanently ban gay marriage | The Independent https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/romania-gay-marriage-ban-referendum-vote-lgbt-rights-a8541461.html

If anyone has more useful information, like a petition or something, please do not hesitate to add it. The only goal of this post is to bring acknowledgment to people who aren’t from romania, as it seems that nobody knows what is going on. So please, please share.

Edit 7/10/18:

GUYS

IT DIDN’T PASS

THE REFFERENDUM NEEDED A 30% PRESENCE (aka around 6 mil people) BUT PEOPLE JUST DIDN’T GO TO VOTE.

At 22:30, local timezone, it was announced that the final presence was 20.41%, nowwhere near the expected number, and not enough to pass. There are many complications, many people voted more than once (there was a lady who tried to vote 17 times), the cameras didn’t work, they made immense efforts to make people go(like, putting flyers in bread packages and forcing people to go), but they didn’t. The #boycott team won. I would like to thank everyone who sent me messages supporting us, and others who informed us even better than i could (i had no idea that 4 american associations are responsible for all of this).

Our community will forever remember this date as the day(s) we started fighting back and it actually had positive results.

VA MULTUMESC SI MUIE BISERICA ORTODOXA ROMANA SI PSD

3

Let’s talk about the concept of a non-apology.

Most of us have heard a non-apology in our lives. The key features of a *true* apology include:

-An admission of wrongdoing.

That is, a specific acknowledgment that you fucked up, in a way that lets the other person know that you understand how you fucked up.

-A lack of excuses/defensive behavior/pity partying.

The person can’t say “sorry” and then defend themselves. Doing this implies they still agree with their prior actions. If this is true, then the “sorry” is an attempt to APPEASE. It isn’t REGRET. Such an apology means nothing. Without regret, the person can and probably will continue the behavior. The phrases or sentiments “I’m sorry, BUT…” or “I’m sorry you feel” is common.

-A retraction and details on future behavior.

Talking about regret again, here. They offer a concrete attempt to amend thier actions, mostly because they recognize that they were wrong. If they were misunderstood, they attempt to FIX this misunderstanding in a way that lets the other person know they regret the original interpretation. And give specifics on how they will avoid this behavior in the future.

Now let’s hear a few quotes from Logan Paul’s apology.

“This is a first for me.”

“I’ve never made a mistake like this before….I’m still a human being. I can be wrong.”

“That’s never the intention.”

“I was misguided…I still am.”

“I do this shit every day…one may understand it’s easy to get caught up”

“…for the first time in my life I’m regretful to say I handled that power incorrectly. It won’t happen again.”

Did you hear him relating understanding as to how he messed up? I didn’t.

Did you hear an acknowledgement that he even messed up, apart from a “monsoon of negativity” (translation: bad PR)? I didn’t.

Did you hear him express regret or acknowledgement of the incorrect content of the video? I heard him defending his side.

Did you hear him make excuses saying he’s uploaded a 15 minute video a day for a little over a year and that’s how he lost perspective? Because I did. I know multiple YTers who’ve uploaded several times a day for many years - and what Logan did would never even cross their minds. Shout-out to morals.

Did you hear him expressly say that he will amend his behavior at all in the future? Because I didn’t. I heard “I won’t handle my Very Great Power incorrectly again.” Which means shit-all.

Did you even hear an attempt to amend the behavior he’s apologizing for? I didn’t.

But did you catch the attempt to keep all his subscribers with a community hashtag that guilts his young followers to keep him anyway? #StaywithmenomatterwhatshitIpullbecauseotherwiseyourenotarealfan?

Because I did!

Logan Paul doesn’t acknowledge what he did wrong or try to make amends in this “apology” because Logan Paul doesn’t think he did a single thing wrong, and therefore doesn’t think he should have to do anything to “fix” it. He wouldn’t have even given it a second thought if not for the backlash. He doesn’t intend to change his behavior.

This is a statement to attempt to cover his ass with Youtube advertising and his subs. If the story gets to main media, it might get to the parents of his subs or to the companies indirectly paying his salary.


Btw, if these guidelines to a non-apology sound familiar to you, it’s because non-apology is used by a LOT of manipulative people, including but not limited to abusers. Please do not be friends with someone who regularly gives out non-apologies.

  • what she says: I'm fine
  • what she really means: What was loki doing off screen for so long after Hulk attacked Thanos? Why was Loki suddenly so confident to take Thanos on once he reappeared? Why the fuck would THAT be his plan he is not unintelligent by any stretch. Why did he suddenly reclaim his Odinson surname? Why did his arm & knife turn icy when he went for Thanos, no one else just froze helplessly when they fought him? Why would he not transform into his Jotun form when dying/dissolve like Odin & frigga did? Why WOULDN'T he use an illusion???OR LITERALLY ANY OF HIS POWERS????? Are we rEALLY TO BELIEB that a literal GOD is out here gettin bodied like a simple PLEB when it took more effort for Thanos to even attempt to overpower literally. every. one. else. AND thanos was at his weakest bc he only had one fucking stone so far like fr yall I am NOT being PLAYED like this don't @ me. HE SAID "THE SUN WILL SHINE ON US AGAIN." HE SAID "UNDYING FIDELITY." HE REALLY EMPHASIZED "GOD OF MISCHIEF." "You will never be a god" was just such an oddly specific thing to say? HIS WORDS ALWAYS MEAN SOMETHING. Is no one else talking about how identical the scene was to the second time he "died." Where actually did the bodies go bc I need receipts. Where is Valkyrie? Where is Grandmaster he is more powerful than anyone no????? What was the significance of the "gotta have a people to conquer" or whatever with Grandmaster in Ragnarok's second post credit scene?? Why was Sakkar SO AGGRESSIVELY INCORPORATED in Ragnarok if not to play any role later? Grandmaster implied time worked differently on Sakkar in Ragnarok & Loki had been there for weeks when Thor got there despite the fact that they both JUST GOT SENT THERE yet this wasn't addressed any further. With the amount of gaps of time Loki has spent separate from thor in other time planes are we really just gonna ignore the likelihood that he has known a lot more than everyone else about what's going on & possibly future events plus there is SO MUCH BACKSTORY with him & Thanos that has been left just under the surface like are we really to believe it's gonna be left that way??? HELLO HE'S NOT JUST BEEN DICKING AROUND WE KNOW BY NOW EVERYTHING HE DOES IS PRECISE THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERY MANIPULATION !WHAT!IS!IT!!! Did Hela actually die at the end of Ragnarok bc again RECEIPTS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN Why did baby gamora show up to Thanos after the snap? Why didn't thanos just use the gauntlet to fucking alter reality in a way that would correct the overpopulation problem yknow like MORE RESOURCES???LIKE U CAN LITERALLY DO ANYTHING WITH ALL THAT POWER SO U CHOOSE WHAT IS AT THE VERY LEAST THE MOST STRENUOUS WAY FOR YOU YOURSELF??? Why is Hulk on the struggle bus? "Half my people"???? Where is the other half then??????I'm TELLING YOU LOKI LEFT DURING THAT TIME OFF SCREEN & HE KNEW THOR WOULD BE MAD ENOUGH TO MAKE IT OUT AFTER SEEING HIM "DIE" & I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH SAKKAR & HE KNEW IT WOULD THE WHOLE TIME THAT'S WHY HE WAS SO STRATEGIC THERE. If Thanos has been in Tony's head showing him the future for years, that implies Thanos knew the future so why did he ever bother possessing loki to try to fuck up earth in the first place unless to play character-arc god? And he was told he would need to "court death" to succeed earlier after avengers, now did that mean Hela, did he send Hela, did he intentionally fuck with the fam dynamic as far back as Loki to make asgard unstable enough to take down with Hela, how far back does this gO?? Why did no one further address Strange's timehop into the future, esp the "one way" they would win? Why wouldn't Tony ask what that way was?????? Why was Strange so adamant that he would prioritize the stone over their lives if it came to it to save the universe then so easily pivot after his timehop & hand it over for Tony's life??? WHAT IS "THE ONLY WAY"????????? Why are there flashbacks being filmed for 4? Why is older Tony in them with flashback characters all with matching wrist things? Why is Loki's double necessary in the scene with the mask thing after Thor had captured him? How much new action will be ensuing that they couldn't just manipulate old scenes? And is Tony's fossil phone Steve gave him gonna end up being his way of communicating when he time travels to when it's the only usable fucking phone bc I bet it is.
9

the most beautiful smile ♡

Dialogue Prompts

This is a collection of dialogue prompts I gathered to get me back into writing that I want to share with you. Send a # and a pairing and I’ll write a short excerpt.

  1. “I can’t sit here and watch this. The secondhand embarrassment is very real.”
  2. “Are you even listening?” “Yes, it just takes me a while to process so much stupid all at once.”
  3. “You know, that’s not what an apology sounds like.”
  4. “I find that answer vague and unconvincing.”
  5. “I will kill you, burn you and dance on your ashes.” “You’ve probably been told this before, but wow, you are intense.”
  6. “Please stop talking, I’m trying to get us out alive.”
  7. “You know, you can get a lot for a kidney on the black market.”
  8. “You still have all your fingers, but that can easily be fixed.”
  9. “I’m not saying you can’t shoot him. I’m just saying you can’t shoot him here.”
  10. “What do you mean alcohol isn’t an appropriate coping mechanism’? It’s working.”
  11. “Look, being an adult is overrated. You have to pay taxes and people frown at you for watching cartoons in your PJs all Saturday and eating ice cream for breakfast.”
  12. “Should we try to poison him again?” “Stop saying things like that so loud!”
  13. “They offered me what I couldn’t refuse: money.”
  14. “I don’t like salad. Or eye contact.”
  15. “Murder wasn’t on today’s agenda.“ “It’s not on anyone’s.“ “No, it is on mine. Just not until next Tuesday.“
  16. “All that blood looks good on you. It brings out your eyes.“
  17. “Keep your morals far away from me.“
  18. “Are you always that stupid or is today a special occasion?“
  19. “Oh. You’re still alive.“ “Don’t sound so disappointed. I might think you don’t like me.“
  20. “I feel like I’m being stabbed.“ “How do you even know what it feels like to be stabbed?“

anonymous asked:

What's your honest opinion of readers who don't comment?

Dude. My man. My lady. My non-gender-binary associate. You’re killing me with this one. Seriously. 

Alright, let’s dig into this because I haven’t got my thoughts all nicely assembled together on it, but I’m going to try, just for you. 

[caveat that I’m only going to talk about my fic experiences from the last 3 years on AO3 and not about my experiences on other platforms at other times]

When I first joined AO3 in my current fandom, I dove in head first because I had a brand new OTP and I wanted to READ. ALL. THE THINGS!!! I ended up reading god knows how many stories in that first two weeks, and I didn’t comment on any of them. Even as a person who had written and commented in previous fandoms and on other sites, I didn’t. Why not? A few reasons:

  • The fandom was pretty tiny still at that point, and everyone seemed to know everyone else and I didn’t want to “butt in” uninvited.
  • I hadn’t read or written fic in several years, and I was shy about diving back into it again. I didn’t know what to say.
  • Everyone seemed more talented and cooler than me, and I thought it was best to just lurk in the shadows and let them do their thing without me. 

I get not commenting. I’ve been there myself. 

But I’ve also been the writer who is racked with self-doubt or just so tired or unmotivated or blocked. And when I’ve felt like that, a comment or two really helped bring me out of it. 

When I was writing and posting all the time, I didn’t understand why readers didn’t comment when “everyone knows” that you really “should” comment and what’s wrong with readers these days don’t they know it’s only polite to let the author know that they liked the story even if they just say “I liked it” it’s really not that hard, like c’mon really???

[deep breath]

I took a step away from AO3 (both reading and writing) because it was getting to be too much and I was letting external metrics like comments and kudos and hits take over my idea of my own value. I still read a bit. I still write some. But I’m not writing 70K a month and updating daily like I used to. And taking that step back has given me some perspective. 

Readers aren’t lazy. They aren’t entitled. They aren’t spoilt. They aren’t greedy. Everyone has some of that sometimes and no group is totally without its jerks, but generally speaking readers are just… people. People with a lot going on. People with stresses. People with anxiety. People who don’t have a lot of time. People who download stories and read them a month later after their exams are finished. People who read chapters two paragraphs at a time in between taking care of a sick child. People who don’t know what to say. 

I get it. I’ve been there. 

Readers who don’t comment aren’t a scourge. Writers that want more comments aren’t demanding. We’re all just human beings trying to get along as best we can. I think if we can remember that, we’ll all be better off. 

I don’t hate you if you don’t comment. But I do hope that, sometimes, you do.

anonymous asked:

Leave mimi alone. If you could get over your jealousy for one second you would see would a sweet person she is. I follow her because she doesn't look for fights unlike blogs like yours. Yet there are fights on her blog cause of people who don't have anything better to do like you.

so it’s been a while and i finally worked up any sort of courage to address all of this and i will do it under this one ask because out of all the ones mimi’s “fans” sent me, this one was the most civil

Keep reading

YOU ARE NOT A BAD WRITER.

SAY IT WITH ME. YOU. ARE. NOT. A. BAD. WRITER.

I’ve seen a lot of this sentiment around lately (I myself am guilty of it) and seeing as I’ve been oddly good at giving advice recently, here’s my hot take.

First of all, writing is subjective, so jot that down.

What I mean is that statistically some people are not going to like your writing. Don’t like statistics? Me neither. Here’s another way of putting it: do you like all the same books your friends do? My guess is probably not. People have tastes, they like different stories, different writing styles. Tastes change over time. It’s normal. So what if someone says your writing is bad? You know what, maybe they’re just having a bad day. Maybe they just wouldn’t write something the same way you would. And you know what? That’s a good thing.

Are you a bad writer because you’re boring? Spoiler alert: it’s not as boring as you think.

I get bored watching the same movie too many times, or reading a book too many times. At some point, hearing the same story over and over again is boring because you know what’s going to happen. How many times have you written that story? How many times have you read it? I’m guessing a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I’m having this problem right now. I’m on my third draft of the time travel wip, which means not only have I thought about it a whole lot, but I’ve written it three times. Hell yeah I think it’s boring, I wonder if anyone would even think it’s exciting, I wonder if my plot twists are predictable, I wrote them. I know them inside and out. Unfortunately there’s no way to get around this except remind yourself it’s not predictable and boring. Maybe get a friend to read it and tell you what they think (from a purely reading perspective).

Are you not as good as your favourite author?

You never will be. Why? Because you will never be that person. You’re never going to write like them because you aren’t them. You have your own unique writing style, just like that author has their style. It takes a while to figure out what yours is, but once you’ve got it, lean the hell into it.

Practice makes perfect.

Sorry, but its true. Practice makes perfect. And that doesn’t mean you need to write ten books before one of them is good. Every time you write anything, you get better. Every time you start a new project and don’t finish it, that’s practice. Every time you rewrite the same project, that’s practice. Every time you experiment with new styles, write flash fiction, or fan fiction, or poetry, or short stories, or huge sagas, or a single sentence, that’s practice. Do me a favour, will you? Go look at some of your writing from a year ago. Now look at what you’re writing now. There’s a difference, right? There’s going to be a difference even between different drafts of the same wip. You know why? Because every time you write you become a better writer.

My advice? JUST KEEP WRITING.

tldr: you’re not a bad writer, you’re just inexperienced and setting unrealistic expectations for yourself. it’s a hard cycle to get out of, and you’re never not going to go through a phase like it. you don’t have to constantly be optimistic, just being aware of this fact is incredibly helpful.

I recently tried to get my sister into Mob Psycho 100 so I could have SOMEONE to watch the second season with but half way through the second episode she told me “The art style is disgusting, I can’t watch it the art bothers me too much”

But one of the appeals of Mob Psycho 100 IS the art style in my opinion. Most animes have the same art style:

4 separate animes yet the look SO similar, at first glance you can easily think they are from the same show if you don’t know these animes but MP100 is so unique and STRANGE in its style that you cant really mistake it

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And what I REALLY REALLY like is how no one is necessarily pretty at all times, they pull ugly faces and don’t look flawless doing everything

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They are flawed, imperfect and dare a say, yes ugly at times but that’s why I love it! Not everyone is this beautiful model at all times or “beautiful” in the first place. People look “ugly” but the more you know them the pretty they seem regardless. We dont like them because the are cute or pretty we like them because they make us laugh because they are enduring. They are pretty in their own strange way. (Please note when I say “beautiful” and “ugly” I mean based on the expectations placed on us by major social media influencers)

MP100 doesn’t depend on attractiveness or overly “cutesy” styles like most shows, they depend on the quality of characters, animation, action, and humour and by god it does an amazing job and no matter how many times I rewatch it I am always blown away

In the words of a nerdy customer I once severed:

“Mob just kinda stole all our hearts huh?”

Don't threaten me if you aren't prepared to go through with it .

English is not my first language but my boyfriend told me that my story maybe popular here, but I’m a business owner in another country with very strict libel laws. If you say something bad about someone doesn’t matter if its true or not and it costs them money they can sue you. Its the law in my country and people get sued for it a lot

Just to say example if say you man and you are cheating on your wife and I tell your boss “this man is cheating on his wife” and your boss fire you, you can sue me because you lose your job because I told your boss. Even though it is true that you are cheating on your wife. Stupid law I think, if not true I understand but if true? Why illegal? Anyway my country not perfect.

Keep reading

New CGs may be unsure of what to do to help their little when they’re regressed. These are some tips for new Dada’s and Mama’s on how to help!

This list will include tips that will help with LDR or with platonic care giving as well.

⚠️ I am writing this for NONSEXUAL age regressors and their carers. The terms I use are ones that I am comfortable with and they are non-k!nk related ⚠️

💕 Learn our regression. It’s so relaxing when we no longer have to say we’re regressed because you’ve learned us so well. This may mean learning our favourite stuffies name, if we like pacis or bottles etc.

💕 Sit with us and question what we’re doing, as you would a child. “What are you colouring?” “Can I see your drawing?” Engaging with our regression helps show you’re genuinely interested.

💕 Be comfortable with us. All regressors have a deep fear that we are bothering our carers, especially when introducing a new aspect of ourselves. Remember that all of this is nonsexual and nonk!nk, so if you feel uncomfortable with something (diaper use, pacis, nicknames etc) then discuss it kindly with us and let us learn each other better.

💕 Don’t underestimate the little things. The smallest gesture of love, kindness or show of affection can have a huge impact. Take our hand, send us a selfie, call us a cute nickname, buy us a small chocolate… It may seem small to you, but will leave us squealing with happiness.

💕 Check how we’re doing. Send a text message, voice message (I recommend Voxer for ldr, as it lets you record and send small voice messages) or verbally ask us if we’ve eaten, gone potty, had some water etc.

💕 Play with us. Colour, sit with a tea party, make a play-doh pie… Just take a moment to breath and engage with us.

💕 Stories are amazing. You can find heaps of kids stories online, or buy bumper packs of kids books for cheap. If you’re ldr, Skype call and read the story, or if time differences or work makes that difficult, send a link to a YouTube story or pre-record your own.

💕 Encourage us to better ourselves. For most of us, this is a coping mechanism. Help us make the most of our regression by providing lessons, experience and love. Help us become resilient and improve ourselves.

💕 Remind us that we’re little, even when we’re not regressed. Hold our hand, tell us not to get lost, turn our attention to cute or bright items etc

💕 Don’t ever yell at us when we’re regressed.

💕 Always send short messages to tell us you’re OK. We know you get busy, but please, a short “heading into meeting, love you!” will put us at ease.

💕 Keep communication open. Some regressors like rules, bedtimes, consequences etc. Discuss it openly and often. Don’t assume you know best and don’t usurp decisions from us. Talk with us. Make plans to better help manage out lives and yours. If we say “I don’t know… You decide,” then you can make the best choice. We need to trust that you are making the best decisions for us.

💕 If we ask for rules or guidelines, try helping us make a chore chart or use the Chore Monster app.

💕 If you’re unable to take the time out to be a carer (due to work, friends, family etc), don’t tell us to go away. Don’t tell us to “stop it”. Kindly explain that you need to work or go out and that you can’t help right now. Reassure us that it’s ok to regress alone and that you’ll be back playing with us again in no time.

💕 If you can, just be with us. Let us sit in the same room and play while you work. Have a Skype call where you can continue doing your thing but we can see you and you can keep an eye on us.

💕 Just be kind. Offer to put on a movie, to fill a sippy cup with juice, bundle us in a blanket, and just love us.

💕 Let us love you. Whether this is a romantic relationship or platonic, we love you. A lot. We will smother you with that love. Let us.

💕 If you’re feeling overwhelmed, just talk to us. Explain that you need some big space time. We’ll understand. Just reassure us… We worry a lot.

All of these are easily adaptable into an LDR or platonic relationship. Discuss everything. This is such a rewarding experience as long as communication is kept open.

“What do you mean you don’t believe in gods, you’re a witch”

Yes, and not all witches believe or adhere to a secular belief system of a higher power. 

Scottish witchcraft, actual Scottish traditions and not made up neo-Celticisms, were far more focused on local spirits and the relation between oneself and ones surroundings. And most importantly, the will of oneself. Which isn’t to say that people also didn’t believe in gods, but, well, the concept of gods will always be there. We as a species can’t help but dream of things beyond us. We looked at the stars and looked for ourselves among them. We found familiar shapes and wove stories around them, named them, found meaning and purpose in the steadfast lights of the dark and endless night. 

And then because we’re also idiots we went to war over them. My god is bigger than your god, yea well my god is older, who says, fuck you, meet me in the pit. (People think the space race began in the 50s. They are, for the sake of symbolic narrative purposes, wrong.)

Personally I fully suspect there might be such a thing as gods, but frankly I don’t need them to be me or to do what I do. When people ask me what witchcraft means to me, or if I can recommend any good “how to” books to them, I often find myself at a loss because there are no books I have found that affirm what I know in my gut to be true. You either are or you aren’t. And how you decide that is when you decide that you are. The rest is just the accumulation of knowledge over a lifetime and the assurance that you are responsible for your life, and how you affect the world. And you must conduct yourself accordingly with how you see fit.

And if it turns out there are gods and they’re going to be upset with me that I didn’t pray to them because I was busy, well, fuck ‘em. Any divine entity that can remain passive to the suffering in the world doesn’t deserve my reverence anyway.

But that’s just me. 

It doesn’t invalidate you or how you do what you do. Whatever you need to get you through—so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, or yourself—you do you.

I’ll be over here. Ramming toothpicks into lemons without ceremony and making vaguely threatening promises at the sky on the off chance something might be listening.

okay oKAY the fbi agent au hear me out 

  • i bet yuri spends a lot of time in front of his computer, online shopping and watching vine compilations from youtube and shit like that 
  • and okay, otabek is a bit annoyed that yuri never does anything interesting, but he looks so beautiful while doing the boring stuff, too?? and otabek feels really bad for crushing on someone he’s spying on but he really doesn’t stand a chance, not when yuri wears these messy buns and big sweaters that slip from one shoulder, baring his collarbone, biting his lip while adding yet another trashy, expensive leather jacket and white knee high socks into his shopping cart 
  • one evening, though, yuri looks straight to his laptops’s camera and says “to the fbi agent watching me, i hope you’re having as shitty a day as i am”, and otabek inhales his coffee through his nose so badly that jj has to come save him from choking
  • otabek freaks the fuck out, only to realise 17 minutes later that “the fbi agent watching me” is just some goddamn meme and that yuri doesn’t actually know about otabek, he’s just alone at home a lot and bored
  • yuri starts talking to his laptop camera, joking and saying “i know you’re there” while passing by and “i hope you didn’t see that” when he accidentally pours his tea on his shirt 
  • otabek is in love. he’s working overtime just to keep a track of yuri - who’s mostly talking to his cats or his laptop screen at home - but he’s barely doing any work anymore. he’s all heart eyes at his investigation subject, and it’s just very, very embarrassing how unprofessional he’s being 
  • otabek just prays his next assignment will fly him to st. petersburg where he could run into yuri completely on accident, in yuri’s favourite coffee shop 
4

HAPPY ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO MY SIM AU!! AAAAAAA

It’s been an awesome journey so far and I have a LOT of emotions but I don’t want to bore you so I put it all under the cut :’)

Thanks to everyone who has supported me so far! This AU has definitely come a long way, and I’m beyond amazed at all of the love it’s gotten. Truly, truly, thank you all!

Keep reading

Can I just say how immensely glad I am that Twice Upon a Time did not go out of its way to force Twelve into regenerating?  I’m not even sure I can put into words how much that means.  Heaven Sent showed the brutality of living through trauma.  The sheer, bull-headed determination it takes to keep going when all you want is to lie down, stop fighting, and just lose.  Twice Upon a Time was utterly gentle.  There was no threat.  No bad guys.  Just a few people who were very afraid to die, and very afraid to keep going.  And the fact that it did this without the need to Raise the Stakes or make it bigger or better or more explosive or more impressive is a relief - a bit of an anticlimax is, after all, good for the hearts.  

For them to move through this story, to show the Doctor even the faintest fraction of hope, for him to show the sort of kindness only he can show - that fundamental message he chose his own face for, to just save someone, just one person and have that be enough - and through that show that even on the battlefield, even when the war looms, and wars upon wars after that, that in that one moment there can be kindness and goodness and hope is staggering.

For them to do this, for a man that has wanted nothing more than to stop, means so much.  That they don’t use some big ridiculous threat the Doctor must agree to survive to protect the world from, to let it, at the end of it all, remain his choice whether he lives or dies, his decision, his agency, in the face of his own fears…I can’t tell you how much that means.  I can’t tell you how important that is.

The Testimony are the embodiment of everything the Doctor has ever feared about regeneration.  The existential dread of a new body, a new self, something dragged up out of the ether that isn’t you but is you, remembers you, remembers being you; a flesh avatar, a 3-D printed transmat you, a clone, a copy, a space puddle, a glass woman - the list is endless, take your pick.  It’s why they’re important.  It’s why they matter here.  And it’s why, at the end, it matters so much more that the Testimony tapped into Bill and Clara.

There’s a lovely film documentary I saw a couple weeks ago about Nick Cave called 20,000 Days on Earth, and in that there’s an exceptionally poignant moment where Cave is asked about his greatest fear.  And what he says is that above all he fears losing his memory.  “Because memory is what we are.  I think your very soul and your reason to be alive is tied up in memory.”  And I keep coming back to that because it feels really really important in the context of this regeneration story.  

And I think it’s why Clara’s appearance matters, more than people give it credit for.  The Testimony are reflection of the Doctor somewhat, but more accurately, of Regeneration itself.  He needed to not only see it as something that was not a threat, but something that, above all else, could be kind.  Could give him back that piece of him that he missed, that shard of his soul he’d blocked up and thought gone for good.

Bill Potts, through Testimony, gave the Doctor the one gift that could pay him back for that shoebox of pictures.  Memories for memories; a loved one for a loved one.

anonymous asked:

Ive thought about writing a book about a girl finding out she was kidnapped. I don't have an idea to start it off with. Could you help me? Thank you so much for your time in reading this. ❤

NaNoPlaMo - National Novel Planning Month

I’ve been wanting to post about novel prep in anticipation of November’s NaNoWriMo and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do it. We have an anon with a vague idea that they’re looking to build off of. How perfect!

*If you’ve never heard of NaNoWriMo, read up on it!

The Building Block Method

I’m going to preface the rest of this post by saying that I drew a lot of inspiration from The Snowflake Method. Sarah did a post a while back where she gave us a brief overview of this process. It was originally developed by Randy Ingermanson, and I have to say that this man is my hero. If this method sounds too intense for you, I’m going to simplify it using the building block metaphor. 

Building blocks are a great way of thinking about story planning because each plot element you plan needs support in order to have impact. Starting with a good foundation allows you to build up an impressive structure. And of course, when you’re frustrated, it’s easy enough to tear it down and start again.

Choose Your Blocks

Our anon has a couple story details to start with, but we’re going to backtrack as if we have nothing. To get started off on the right foot, construct your first five blocks. 

  1. Protagonist
  2. Antagonist
  3. Conflict
  4. Setting
  5. Genre

Make sure you have an idea for each block before you start delving deeper into others. Our anon already has 3 blocks figured out.

  • Protagonist = the girl that is kidnapped OR the kidnapper
  • Antagonist = the girl who is kidnapped OR the kidnapper
  • Conflict = the kidnapping

See, I left the protagonist and antagonist open because it’s all a matter of perspective. Does the kidnapper have to be the antagonist? Not necessarily. The important thing is that the writer knows which is which. This leaves us with the setting and the genre. 

  • Setting = where and when does this story take place, for example: 2018; New York City
  • Genre = fantasy, science fiction, romance, literary, mystery, ect.

Don’t overthink your genre at this point. You don’t need to define it in specific terms just yet, but it’s a good idea to at least know if your story will be grounded in reality or not. 

Build Each Block

A block has 6 sides, yes? Each of the blocks we defined will need 6 sides to complete it. Start wherever you want with this process. For each side, make sure that each description is no longer than one sentence. Notice that the sides for protagonist and antagonist are the same, because well, they’re both characters. 

Protagonist/Antagonist

  • Name
  • Age
  • Gender
  • Ethnicity
  • Sexual Preference
  • Top priority

*For top priority, think of vague ideas: creative expression, professional advancement, family relationships, financial stability, self acceptance. 

Conflict

  • Who/what sets conflict in motion?
  • What will happen if the conflict is not acted upon?
  • What will be gained?
  • What will be lost?
  • Who are the players?
  • Who will survive?

I’m going to break this down by using the anon’s story as an example. Remember our conflict is the kidnapping. Who/what sets the conflict in motion? The kidnapper. If we know more at this stage, we can provide more as long as we keep it under a sentence. For example, an organization looking to exploit the protagonist’s superpowers may be behind the kidnapping, and therefore, sets the conflict in motion. 

What will happen if this conflict is not acted upon? The girl has been kidnapped, so what will happen if she is not un-kidnapped (i.e., saved)? This will help you define the stakes of your story. If the organization is looking to exploit her powers, the answer to this question could be whatever they look to do with those powers (the world is destroyed) or it could be a personal consequence (the girl is killed, the girl is corrupted). 

What will be gained? Now we’re looking at how the story will actually play out. Think in terms of your protagonist. If the kidnapped girl is our main character, what will she gain from begin kidnapped? This is a tough question to answer, but more often than not, the responses here will have to do with how that person changes as a result of the story’s conflict. If you’ve already completed your protagonist block, it may be as simple as pulling from the top priority side. Perhaps her top priority is self acceptance, and she gains it by going through this ordeal. Or maybe it’s family relationships, and this situation enables her to establish a better bond with a family member.

*What is gained does not have to be the character’s top priority, but it’s a good place to start if you’re stuck on this one. 

What will be lost? Again, we’re talking about what will actually happen in the story. What does our kidnapped girl lose from being kidnapped? She may suffer physical or psychological traumas that change her life. She may literally lose a friend, whether that is because the friend dies in trying to rescue her or because the friend betrays her. Maybe she loses her home because she can’t return there, even after she’s freed from her prison. 

Who are the players? Think basic. We’ve obviously got our kidnapper and our kidnap-ee, but who else is involved? Start with the protagonist’s and antagonist’s allies. For example, who assists the protagonist in obtaining her freedom, or who ultimately rescues her? Who assists the antagonist in carrying out their goal (the henchmen)? Again, you don’t need specifics. Brainstorm ideas for additional characters at this stage. 

Who will survive? Decide upfront if there will be deaths, whether on the good side or the bad side. Planning a character death can help you construct your ending and build to it, so the death feels more integrated into the story and less a matter of shock value. This is especially good for horror stories or murder mysteries where there will likely be a lot of death. 

Setting

  • Real or fictional? 
  • Accurate or inaccurate?
  • Static or variable?
  • New or familiar?
  • How is the setting changed?
  • How does the setting compel change?

Real or fictional is whether you made up the location or whether you based it off of somewhere that’s real. Accurate or inaccurate expands on real locations/time periods to determine if you’re taking liberties or attempting to tell an accurate portrayal. Static or variable refers to the amount of times the setting or time period changes. If a character is on a long journey, you’ll likely have a variable setting that changes constantly. Same with time travel. New or familiar should tell you if your character is going somewhere new, of if they’re facing challenges in an environment they feel comfortable in. 

How the setting changes depends on how the conflict influences it. A barren wasteland may be made fertile again based on the outcome of the story. A violent country may become peaceful. This gets you thinking about big picture goals for your story’s universe. 

How the setting compels change is the opposite. What does the setting do to your character? Does it force them to develop new survival techniques? Does it make them examine aspects of their life they used to ignore?  

Genre

Genre is structured a bit differently. Instead of basing each side on a particular idea, list six concepts or adjectives that will describe your story. These can be more detail about the genre (urban fantasy, psychological thriller, young adult), they can be themes or tropes (coming-of-age, chosen-one, grief) or world-building details (magic, time travel, serial killers) or even types of people or species (fairies, vampires, astronomers, middle-class). 

Think of six words or phrases that you find fascinating. Imagine how you’d complete the sentence: “I’ve always wanted to write about ______.” This will help you develop a story that intrigues you and holds your interest. 

Start Building

Now comes the fun part. You have all your blocks, with 6 sides each. Now you can start making connections. Make notecards for each side (maybe different colors for each block), and then randomly draw 2 or 3 at a time. Look at the items on the notecards and see if you can connect them with new threads. 

For example, say we draw our “who are the players” side, along our protagonist’s age. This gives you an opportunity to consider the ages of the other players, and how they’ll relate to the protagonist. Remember we referred to potential players as the protagonist’s allies? Are they older than her or younger than her? Does this lead to domineering or submissive relationships? Is someone protective of someone else? Does someone look up to someone and think them indestructible? 

Each time you make connections, you’re starting the construction of a new block. These second tier blocks will be more dynamic because they pull in pieces from your five foundation blocks.

Don’t Be Afraid to Knock It Down

As you’re building, you may run into things that no longer work or that just don’t interest you anymore. It’s okay to tear down the tower and start constructing something new, whether you come up with new foundation blocks or attempt to use your existing ones in a different way.

Things may not seem crystal clear during this process, and you may run into some speed bumps along the way, but don’t let it discourage you. The whole concept behind this method is play. You’re developing a story from the ground up and that takes a lot of patience, and a considerable amount of trial and error. Cut yourself some slack and just enjoy the process. 

-Rebekah

anonymous asked:

I've read through a fair bit of the FAQ on the subject, but like, non-dysphoric trans people still don't quite make sense? I get that there's gender euphoria when properly addressed and when your body looks how you want it to, but how exactly does euphoria work without dysphoria? Wouldn't something have to be off (even slightly) for euphoria to make sense? I'm sorry if this comes off as rude, I'm just trying to understand and I didn't mean to offend anyone.

Archer says:

I don’t in particular identify as non-dysphoric, but I do think I experience my dysphoria in a very different way. In fact, I used to actually think I had no dysphoria. For me, this meant I experienced gender euphoria instead. Now, what is that exactly though, right?

Gender euphoria without gender dysphoria is definitely a thing that can and does happen. In my experience, I didn’t dislike my body, I wasn’t even in particular uncomfortable back in the early stages of my transition, but when I was mistaken for a guy I felt great. I could see myself living the rest of my life as a girl, but I knew that if I did that I would never be as happy as I could possibly be. I wouldn’t be content, I wouldn’t be comfortable, I wouldn’t be able to stand it once I’d known I had other options.

What I discovered as I began my transition is that I definitely still experience gender euphoria, but I do also deal with dysphoria. For me my dysphoria comes through in the form of derealization. I look to the body parts I dislike and feel a vague disconnect. My brain just subconsciously decides that these things aren’t permanent so as long as I can avoid them for now then eventually I won’t have to even think about them.

So, to conclude, gender euphoria can exist as a separate and independent entity from dysphoria. You can also start to experience dysphoria because of euphoria and vice-versa.

Kii says:

I recently had a friend say the following to me and it helped in my understanding a lot:

“So, imagine, when you were in kindergarten, your teacher told you to write with your right hand, and your parents both wrote with their right hands, and all your friends and classmates do to. So, you also become pretty good at writing with your right hand and you assume that everyone in the whole world writes with their right hand because you’ve never seen anything else.

But maybe one day when you’re in fifth grade, or you’re a teenager, or you’re 50 years old, you get bored, and you pick up a pencil with your left hand. Maybe it’s because you saw a friend do it, or you read some article online about left-handed people, or you just felt like trying it for some reason.

And for some reason, even though you’re used to writing with your right hand and everyone in your life up until that point has told you to write with your right hand, writing with your left hand is so much easier, and once you start doing it, there’s no way you want to go back to your right hand because your left hand feels more natural and easier and you never would’ve known this if you didn’t just try picking up the pencil. And sure, if you had to, you’re still perfectly capable of writing with your right hand. You’re probably pretty good at it, since you’ve been doing it for years, and at times you might think it’s easier to write that way since everyone else does it and you’ve always been told that’s the only way to write and you’re scared you might get in trouble or get weird looks for writing with your left hand, especially if you’ve been writing with your right hand for years and have never had a problem with it until now. 

But still, you can’t shake the feeling that you should’ve been writing with your left hand your whole life, even if there’s nothing particularly impossible about writing with your right hand. You feel like if someone had just told you that some people write with their left hand, you might’ve made the choice on your own, but no one ever told you, so you didn’t even know it was possible until you tried it yourself, and now that you’ve tried it, you don’t ever want to go back to writing with your right hand.”

Lee says:

There are many different ways to experience and label gender identity and they’re all valid, so saying someone has to have dysphoria ignores the diversity of trans experiences- we don’t all go through the same thing, or label our feelings in the same way. 

The majority of trans people do have dysphoria, but that doesn’t mean that every trans person has to. 

Creating artificial criteria to judge who counts creates a toxic atmosphere where trans people (with and without dysphoria) feel that they aren’t “trans enough” when they are- the only person who can decide if someone is trans is the trans person themself.

Here are more articles and posts on non-dysphoric trans people:

  1. Not All Transgender People Have Dysphoria – And Here Are 6 Reasons Why That Matters
  2. You Can Still Be Transgender If You Don’t Feel Physical Dysphoria – Here’s Why
  3. Gender euphoria
  4. Gender and pleasure
  5. Non-dysphoric trans people
  6. Jealousy towards non-dysphoric trans people
  7. Do I have to have Dysphoria to be Trans?
  8. You don’t need to be diagnosed with dysphoria to be trans
  9. Dysphoria Not Required
  10. Why you shouldn’t force a label on someone
  11. Discourse over being dysphoria
  12. A book that said not all trans people have dysphoria
  13. What about insurance coverage if transgender identity is demedicalized under the new WHO ICD classification?
  14. Non-dysphoric trans people wouldn’t cause insurances to stop covering medical transition for dysphoric trans people
  15. American Psychological Association’s stance on nondysphoric trans people
  16. A post by a post-phallo person (tw sexual assault)
  17. Gender Dysphoria: DSM-5 Reflects Shift In Perspective On Gender Identity

While hopefully the links above and the other mod’s explanations helped clarify this topic for you, someone’s identity doesn’t have to make sense to you personally in order to count and be valid. Just accept that they feel that way and move on.

If anyone has more links to add feel free to do so in a reblog! All of the mods of this blog are dysphoric so we especially encourage non-dysphoric followers to add on with their personal experiences and viewpoints!