I'm sorry it's not exactly what you wanted

4

i love the despair designs !

  • Yuuri: Hey Victor, what would you like to do on your birthday?
  • Victor: You.
  • Yuuri: ...
  • Victor: Sorry, did I say you? Because that's exactly what I meant.

Imagine being afraid of telling Jared that you’re pregnant

I can see Emma’s disapproval all over her face. She isn’t happy with me, and I’m not happy either, but there was no other choice. I had to go.

“Just tell him, he’ll understand!”

“It was a mistake from the beginning, he’s my boss, you just don’t have one night stands with your boss” I mutter, afraid that Jared might show up in the studio at any second.

“But you are pregnant” She whispers, the disapproval turning into anger.

I throw her the first thing I can find, which turns out to be one of Jared’s chocolate bars.

“Hey!” We hear Jared shouting from the door, “That’s my chocolate”

“Sorry” I whisper, running to Emma to pick out the bar.

Jared looks at us, and something on his face changes. When we comes near us, the suspicion on his face is obvious.

“You two look really pale” He mutters, changing his gaze from Emma to me, “Are you two ok?”

Emma looks pale because she’s scared. She wants me to tell Jared, but overhearing our conversation wouldn’t be a great way to find out he’s going to be a father. I look pale because I’m scared too, but also because I feel sick. I don’t even know how he hasn’t noticed that I spent half of my day in the bathroom, that’s how Emma find out.

“I need to go to the bathroom” I excuse myself.

Morning sickness was the worst, but mine was more like a whole-day sickness. Being pregnant should be pretty, not being afraid that the father of the baby will not want the kid, and spending your day puking.

During the day I receive Emma’s different stages of emotions through her looks. We have been working together for so long, that I could read her with just one gaze. At times she gives me looks that could only mean ‘Just fucking tell him’; when I get up to go to the bathroom she’s like ‘Ew’, but when I come back I receive the sympathetic look of ‘You poor thing’.

By the end of the day, the only look I receive is ‘Don’t you dare’. But I most certainly will.

Emma says her goodbyes for the day, leaving me with one more ‘Don’t you dare’ look. I just wave her off, walking towards Jared’s desk. As always, he’s busy working on his laptop, not even noticing that I’m standing in front of him.

“Jared” I stutter, trying to get his attention.

“Oh, hey” He says, finally acknowledging my presence with a smile, “I didn’t see you there”

I can do this, right? His smile can’t be a factor that makes me chicken out.

“I really need to talk to you”

The smile disappears in a second and worriness takes over his expression. He takes my hand to make me sit by his side.

“Is something wrong? Are you ok?”

“I just… God. Okay, I’m just gonna say it” I sigh deeply, trying to calm myself down, “I’m quitting”

“Wait, what?”

I stand from the couch, starting to pace out in the room.

“Is this because of what happened between us?” He asks, and I can notice a bit of nervousness on his tone.

“I just can’t work for you anymore” I whisper, avoiding his gaze, “This is gonna sound extremely cliché, but it’s not you, it’s… well, me”

“Ok, now I feel like you are breaking up with me and we are not even together” He laughs nervously, standing to stop my pace.

His hands wrap on my arms holding me still, trying to look me in the eyes, but I just avoid him still.

“Did I say something wrong? I can’t think of a reason why you would want to leave except for that night” His hand leaves my arm to hold my chin and make me look at him, “You regret it?”

He sounds hurt, and I don’t want him to be hurt. I’m just scared of what may happen if I spit all out. If he wanted kids, he would have had them by now, it’s not like he didn’t have opportunities before. If he didn’t want to give this huge step with long term girlfriends, what guarantees me that he would want to do it with me? I’m just a one night stand.

“I’m really sorry, Jared”

I manage to let go of his grip, walking to get my bag and get the hell out of there. My old car waits for me outside, and we drive home in complete silence, I can’t even stand music right now. I just want to be alone.

By the time I get home, I really need to go to the bathroom. I had avoid my mom’s medicinal herbs for sickness scared of what they may do to the little one, but I was already sick of all the pucking, maybe some weird tea wasn’t going to be that bad.

I follow the instructions that mom left with the bag of herbs, waiting for the kelt to be ready. I read the instructions over and over again, trying to get Jared out of my head.

I was the worst, I was denying him the right to be a father just because my head wouldn’t imagine him as one. Or, actually, I could imagine him; holding the baby on his arms, kissing the little forehead, feeding him or her when I was too tired to breastfeed. Or just looking at the baby in a crib, his eyes shining at the sight of our creation.

God, where did this amazing idea of quitting appeared?

The whistle of the kettle takes me out of my perfect world, one where I was smart enough to tell Jared the truth and not run away like a coward.

When my tea is ready, I grab a bag of chips, I really want some chips, walking back to my living room. I lay on my couch, turning the tv on, drinking my tea, eating chips. I repeat the process for hours. Watch, drink, eat. I don’t want to think about Jared, the baby, or my unemployed situation.

The beeping of my phone takes me out of the groggy zone, almost fully asleep. I jump on the couch, scared by the sudden sound in the silent room. When I finally calm myself down, realizing that it’s just my phone, I read the message that just came in.

“Jared called, I didn’t told him! I swear!”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Emma, what the fuck did you do?!

Another text comes in, and I’m already shaking.

“Well, I may have told him that he was stupid and blind for not noticing how changed you’ve been since… well, you know”

Not a minutes passes before I receive another one.

“Ok, I didn’t say stupid, ‘asshole’ is a better representation”

When no other text comes in I decide to text her back, “He knows?!”

“No, I mean, I don’t know”

“Maybe” She finally sends, ending the exchange with a sad emoji.

I grab my blanket, hiding under it, feeling my heart trying to escape my chest. My breathing is heavy, and my hiding spot does not help to calm my nerves. I take the blanket off my head, looking around, trying to find somewhere to hide.

The doorbell rings fast, someone is pressing it with desperation, and I know who that is. But I’m still trying to find a hiding spot, even though my whole living room is lighted up, and my car is outside. There’s no way to hide the fact that I’m inside.

I stand from the couch, walking to the door, not even looking who is on the other side.

“I’m so, so stupid” Jared says the second I open the door, letting himself in, “I didn’t even notice, I’m such a fool”

Jared sits on my couch, taking my bag of chips to eat some while looking at me. I close the door, walking as calm as I can, sitting by his side.

“Sorry, I didn’t grab lunch” He says, handing me the bag of chips, “I’m starving”

“I can prepare you something if…” I say, starting to stand, but he grabs my wrist.

“No, we need to talk”

I sit again, looking at his hand on my wrist. Suddenly he starts to laugh, taking his free hand to cover his mouth. His eyes are shining, I can even see myself in them, scared as shit.

“Are you okay?” I ask him, “I mean, are you okay with this?”

“Of course I am!” He shouts, cupping my face with his warm hands, “I’m more than happy!”

The fear finally abandons my body, letting a wave of relief and happiness take over. I jump to wrap my arms around his neck, his hands holding me closer to him.

“I love you too” He mutters, “It feels so good to finally say it.

Hold on…

“What did you just say?” I ask, pulling away from him.

“I love you” He repeats, the smile forming into confusion, “Isn’t that what we are talking about?”

“Oh, God…”

I stand from the couch, walking to the kitchen, trying to hide from him again. He thinks I’m in love with him, which is actually true, but that isn’t the reason why I was so scared! My hands go over my belly as I lean on the sink. Why do I have to be nauseous in a moment like this? I drench my face, trying to catch as much air as possible.

“Are you okay?” He’s the one asking this time.

I just nod, drying my face with a paper towel.

“You are not okay” He mutters, and as I turn around to face him, I can see the recognition on his face, “You’ve been sick all week…”

“Jared” I try to interrupt him, but he continues.

“Emma said that I was an asshole for not noticing what was going on with you”

“I’m so sorry, Jared” I mumble, walking to stand in front of him.

“Oh God, you’ve been sick more than just this week”

Jared just stands there, looking at me, trying to find some answers. Both of his hands hold my arms, never leaving my gaze. I get lost on his expression, the fear, confusion and… excitement?

“Jared?”

“You are pregnant?” He finally asks.

My head lowers as soon as I hear the word come out of his mouth. I can hear him laugh again, asking the question a second time. I give him a simple nod, and his hold on me disappears. But now for long.

Jared wraps his arms on my waist, lifting my feet off the ground. I can hear him laugh, saying the same word over and over again.

“Pregnant! Pregnant!”

I can feel the sickness again, and I plead him to put me down. When he does, I can see the smile on his face, this light on his eyes, the way his hands just want to touch me, pull me to him.

“I’m sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“I’m okay” I whisper, realization finally coming to my head. He knows, “Just a bit dizzy”

“Oh, I can’t believe it! You are pregnant!” His hands hold me again, pulling me toward his chest, and suddenly everything is too much.

The tears start rolling down my cheeks, all the emotions I held back for two weeks can now be discarded, kicked away. I feel free, and the tears are proof of that. I hear him calling my name, asking me over and over again if I’m okay. I nod, crying, then smiling, then crying again.

“I’m happy” I finally say.

A relieved smile appears on his face. His hand grabs mine, pulling me to the living room. He falls on the couch, making me fall by his side, holding me tight against him.

“We need to check with the doctor, they need to check you for your morning sickness” He starts talking really fast, “We need to tell everyone after that, or maybe we can wait for a few weeks, just to be sure everything is going alright”

“Jared” I try to stop him, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Can Emma be the godmother?” He continues, “You can pick the godfather”

“Hey” I reach for his face, placing my hand over his mouth to shut him, “Calm down”

He tries to speak again, but I can only hear a mumble.

“We need to discuss another thing” He says as I let go of his face, my eyebrows raise, waiting for the new topic, “Work”

“Oh…”

“I want you back, especially now”

I hold his hand, thinking about it for a few seconds

“Ok” I say, after a deep sigh.

“Excellent!” He exclaims, pulling me to his chest again.

Jared continues planning  our future together, the future for our baby. I just listen, still in shock about everything that just happened. I was a fool by hiding all this from him. He’s happy, we are both happy, and that’s all that matters.

anonymous asked:

the worst feeling in the world is when you pour your heart and soul into a piece of writing and end up getting little to no response, reaction, or feedback. that makes me question spending my time even doing this.

That’s exactly right, Anon. I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this way, because I know how it feels. I think I contemplate my reason for writing pretty much every day, and when I dwell on it too much I can get really depressed about it. I’ll compare myself to others and get sick with envy, because ‘why do they get so much feedback and not me?’ ‘Is there something wrong with my writing?’ ‘Why do I even write when no one cares in the first place?’.

Especially lately when the fandom that I write for has died out a little, I think to myself, ‘would I get the feedback and validation that I need if I wrote for this fandom instead?’. 

I’ve been feeling like this quite a lot lately and whenever I express my need for validation then people will tell me that they do like my writing or whatever, but then I’ll just feel like people are saying it just because I’m asking for it and not because they genuinely enjoy my work. 

But whenever I feel this way, I try to remind myself why I do spend my time working on these fics every single day. And it is because I love to write. I love the pairing that I’m writing for and I have millions of ideas that I want to explore and write. Sometimes, that’s not enough because despite loving to write, it is really discouraging if I post something that I spent months upon months working on, but the response is lukewarm at best. But that’s okay, then I take a step back and come back the next day, and eventually I’ll find the motivation within myself again to put my fingers back on the keys and type out the world I see in my head.

That’s why, lately, I’ve also stopped worrying about what I HAVE to write, and instead focus on what I WANT to write. I have quite a few ongoing fics right now, some of which have not been updated in months, and although I still have every intention to finish those fics eventually, I will not force myself to write them. If there is a fic that I want to write more than anything else, then I’m going to write it because it’s MY hobby and MY time and although I share it on the internet and want everybody’s approval, the first person I have to please with my writing is myself.

Dear Anon, I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this way. I wish authors were just as appreciated in fandom as artists, but unfortunately for the most part, that is not the case. I wish I could show you all the support in the world, because I know exactly how it feels. But I hope that despite the disappointment, you’ll be able to see your love for writing again and that the lack of feedback will not stop you from doing something that you enjoy so much.

I hope that, despite everything, you’ll still have a lovely day.

nexu101  asked:

Sorry, I know you said you have a lot of asks to answer (and I send you asks all the time), but just out of curiosity, have you read Cool Shock B.T.? A lot of people say that B.T. is similar to Dio in both appearance and personality, and I just wanted to know what you thought. Thanks!

Since Cool Shock lives with his grandmother and does magic tricks, the other obvious comparison’s with Joseph.  But yeah, it’s not just that BT looks almost exactly like Dio (especially face shape and sinister eyes) and acts like him too, it’s also that he’s kind of evil.

Not existentially evil like Dio.  BT’s basically a really smart kid who does magic tricks, a lot of times to get back at people … but they’re really morally dubious.

It’s funny too because it’s told from the point of view of a really good boy named Kouichi who’s basically proto-Jonathan, that’s Kouichi on the left:

My favorite thing’s that some of the poses Araki drew BT doing find their way into his Dio poses years later, I can’t stop laughing at this Shadow BT:

FIC: Show me what I want

Summary: Loki’s plans don’t always work in their intended manner. Sometimes, the end result is better than expected. 

A/N: This fic was written for @nyarnamaitar and @angeline-farewell. They both asked for ‘reading the book together’ from this list. I’m sorry for the wait, but this fic grew way beyond its intended proportions. Also, I’d like to thank the anon who suggested Kama Sutra illusion as the plot for this fic. I didn’t exactly follow your prompt, but without you this fic wouldn’t exist. So thank you.

Keep reading

I don’t want to @ this person because I can’t be bothered and also like, everyone wants to relate to stuff and blah blah blah but like, I’m sorry?? For being a bisexual person??? Writing about being bisexual???? On my own blog???? And I’m sorry for how that doesn’t fit your sexuality as a non-bisexual person?????? What???? Why are you disappointed, exactly? That I, an individual in the world, and other individuals are not the same sexuality as u??? And as such don’t write from ur perspective?? This just doesn’t. Make sense to me. And ‘these posts’, are u referring to posts by bisexual people???? People beginning posts with 'my sexuality is’? The fact that a lot of bisexual people perhaps struggle with the idea of bisexuality which is presented largely as false or as being 50/50 and if you’re not 50/50 then you’re not a Real Bi? And so find a bit of comfort and humour in nailing their own personal sexuality in silly (not really that silly) posts on a micro-blogging website, and perhaps these get shared around because as a community we like seeing ourselves in each other and I’m SORRY you’re not reflected in this but like, THATS NOT REALLY MY RESPONSIBILITY HERE?

2

every day is a battle i face, strange life i live but it’s what you’ve decided.
i’ll give it all into your hands, do what you will with me, and oh
i’ll smile when you speak. remember those times i was hoping for something
and shaking my head from all I have done, but you never left me.

         i would give it up for you, i’d do anything for you.

thedevilhunters 

It took the huntress a second look to realize exactly who she had just seen. Her heart sped up quickly at the possibility of receiving the answers she had been searching for. “Nero?” She spoke loudly enough that he could hear her, without shouting. She quickly pivoted to face him and took a few strides toward him. “What brought you to Capulet?” She wondered aloud, cocking her head to the side. There was no point in jumping right in with questions about her partner, she didn’t want to make Nero think that was the only reason she was talking to him.  

A Theory for Pink Diamond

Alrighty folks, as of the most recent episodes of Steven Universe we’ve gotten a conformation on Pink Diamond’s existence. As well as getting a good idea on what exactly happened to her. But for me, there’s something odd about a Diamond being shattered.

If you’re a creature that’s technically immortal, and you pop out of the ground knowing pretty much everything you need to know, how come Pink Diamond wasn’t able to keep herself safe and crush the rebellion that got out of hand? Well I have a theory on why that was a thing.

I purpose this idea: Pink Diamond was a brand new diamond, and thus younger than the current White/Yellow/Blue trio.

And if she was a new diamond, she would have no idea on how to handle any sort of rebellion, as it would be unthinkable. Before Rose Quartz, there was no thought of rebelling against the diamond authority. Gems ‘thinking for themselves’ was not a possibility to any of the gem leaders.

Okay, but what evidence backs this up, though? First of all, a lot of the language that Eyeball uses to describe what happened to Pink Diamond is interesting. She claims that what happened to Pink Diamond was ‘a tragedy’. Like someone who was cut down before their prime before they could do anything really worthwhile. There’s also this moment:

While the Crystal gems and the Ruby team go up the moon base’s stairs, Eyeball explains that the Earth was ‘Pink Diamond’s colony’. And that “Kindergartens were incubating their first soldiers.” As in, Pink Diamond didn’t have much of an army before starting up her colony.

So if the rebellion started with the shattering of Pink Diamond, she might not have had much of an army during the time she was trying to get the Crystal gems in line. Which would also explain the Beta Kindergarten:

Peridot stated that the Beta Kindergarten was a rushed job that took place during the rebellion. More quotes to support this are “It has the right growing conditions in a pinch.” and “Halfway through the rebellion, Homeworld scrambled to make extra soldiers on the ground.”

So either Pink Diamond asked for more Gem creation tools and rushed to the Beta area in hopes that she’d get her own backup, Homeworld intervened and helped Pink Diamond out with this, or the other three diamonds used Pink diamond’s kindergarten tools to make extra troops to fight off the rebels. 

Also you might want to take a look at those injector tools, notice how the gem on top of every one of them is pink in color?? So even if a gem was created by another diamond during the war as a rush job with Pink Diamond’s tools, and understanding that gems pop out of the ground knowing what they’re supposed to do… it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that Jasper was one of the ‘rushed’ quartz soldiers created by Yellow Diamond during the war. It’s why Jasper is under YD’s rule and still refers to Pink Diamond as “My Diamond”.

Last but not least, there are those Diamond murals on the moon base.

Credit for the image of all the diamond murals together goes to @leader-of-the-crystal-gems​ !!

There are a few interesting things about the murals that I’d like to point out that make PD seem like a newbie in comparison to the other diamonds. First of all, check out all the little orbs all the diamonds have around them or are holding. I firmly believe that those are all the locations of specific Diamond Authority colonies. So Each Diamond has their own places in the gempire that they specifically control. But here’s where things get interesting…

The murals can accurately show us how much power each Diamond has. White Diamond here has the most with 10 or 11 colonies under her belt. I say 10 or 11 as the orb she is holding might be symbolic of her ruling the gem race overall; but it could also be another planet?? Perhaps the Homeworld of the gems??

Yellow is them the second most powerful diamond with 8 planets under her rule. Blue Diamond has 5 or 4 under her control, and then there is Pink Diamond. As you can see, Pink Diamond only has one planet. Also note the very teeny tiny circle that is right next to that planet. That is the planet’s moon. The planet PD is holding is in fact Earth.

And this wasn’t a mistake! The concept art of the murals may have differing amounts for each diamond controlled planet(s), but one thing remains consistent: White Diamond has the most planets, Yellow Diamond has the second most amount of planets, Blue Diamond is still in third, and Pink Diamond only has Earth and its small single moon.

So all the other diamonds seem to have a lot of planets under their control, and Pink Diamond only has Earth? That’s a bit odd for a thousand year old or more Diamond to have only just ONE planet in comparison to the rest of them.

Another that I would like to bring up to support that Pink Diamond was the newbie diamond is remember in The Answer that Blue Diamond was said to have been overseeing the new Gem colony on Earth?

Why the heck would Blue Diamond be overseeing a colony on a planet that we now know through a former Pink Diamond Court Ruby explicitly stating “The Earth was Pink Diamond’s colony.” ???

If Blue Diamond was overseeing the development of Earth during the time Garnet first became a thing, it means that Pink Diamond must have already been shattered at this point. Also remember how at the time Pink Diamond’s moons base mural was made, Blue only had 4 or 5 planets under her rule? Well if the mural theory holds up, Blue Diamond was the newbie diamond before Pink Diamond was created. So when PD bit the dust, Blue Diamond figured she could add another colony under her belt.

Also note that she fled Rose Quartz during The Answer. And she specifically asked for a gem that could predict the Future to come to her Court. She also has that spider-throne cage thingy that keeps her away from danger. If Pink Diamond had been shattered by then, it might have scared the heck out of Blue Diamond! And she decided to be smart and cover her bases by playing it safe in case the Crystal gems and Rose Quartz decided to show up.

But back to Pink Diamond! Let’s look at that mural more in-depth shall we?? It has more hints to Pink being the new diamond on the block.

One of my favorite Steven Universe fandom theorists, AJ Universe made a video about the Diamonds and what they supposedly ‘controlled’ before Back To The Moon revealed that all the Diamonds have their own colonies. He brought up the point that Pink Diamond’s mural looks as if she is has “crystals growing around her feet”; which would symbolize that she is responsible for creating new gems for all of Homeworld.

But from the evidence I’ve presented about Pink Diamond being new, what if the crystals growing around her feet is actually the kindergarten Pink Diamond emerged from??

All gems start out popping from the ground, so why should the Diamonds be any different?? Also note that PD is not only just emerging from the ground, but she’s reaching towards the Earth. If this was her mural in her very own moon base, it makes sense as this is her very first colony. She’s jumping towards her predestined ‘fate’ as a Diamond ruling over other gems. Her first steps to becoming part of the Diamond Authority.

There’s also some interesting symbolism in Pink Diamond’s gem placement. Her gem is on her stomach. Now who does that remind us of??

That’s right! Rose Quartz!! And remember what Rose Quartz did? She created something new. Multiple new things, actually. She founded the Crystal Gems, started a rebellion, and most importantly… she created Steven.

Pink Diamond parallels many of Rose Quartz ‘motherhood’ and ‘creation’ themes, as well as the ‘something new’ themes that many of the show’s main characters have. Like Garnet being the first different gem fusion or Steven being the first Gem/Human hybrid. 

Pink Diamond was going to be the creator or ‘mother’ of a brand new faction of the Diamond Authority. She was going to create a brand new gem colony and brand new gems. But instead she was the start of a brand new rebellion.