I'm really sorry that this all happened

*Stares at six published WIPs, original unfinished novels and one secret project on the side.*

Me: … Wow I really want to write a Feudal Era Japan fantasy KilluGon fic…

dad and i watch captain america: the winter soldier
  • dad: oh god it's starting shut up i've been waiting for this for months
  • (movie starts)
  • dad: THESE ARE THE BICEPS OF FREEDOM
  • dad: i don't know what's happening but the french guy fighting cap looks like french macklemore
  • me: how do you even know who macklemore is?
  • dad: i'm hip. i'm cool
  • me: don't you do it
  • dad: i'm gonna pop some tags, only got 20 baguettes in my pocket
  • (five minutes later)
  • dad: is that the Falcon? that's totally the Falcon
  • me: how do you know?
  • dad: i used to read the comic books trust me on this i'm an expert. his superpower was that he could talk to birds
  • me: birds?
  • dad: i mean in hindsight it probably wasn't the most useful thing ever
  • dad: if this winter soldier is supposedly a ghost in the machine that nobody's ever seen, and nobody will ever catch, you would think showing up in broad daylight and blowing up cars would not be his modus operandi
  • dad: how the heck did he laser through concrete??
  • me: idk dad it's nick fury he can probably do whatever he wants
  • dad: i'm sorry attractive nurse who just so happens to live next door, my heart belongs to a seventy year russian dude with a bionic arm
  • me: what
  • dad:
  • dad: nick fury isn't dead. justice never dies. he probably has a billion clones in some top secret storage facility, just waiting for their organ harvest.
  • me: ew dad gross no
  • dad: i really relate to that apple store employee
  • me: we all do dad
  • dad: oh that's that guy from the first movie! i remember him! he was my favorite, his eyes were so blue, and he loved steve so much. i wanted them to get together
  • me: dad good god
  • dad: he was a little less marilyn manson at that point though
  • dad: not that guyliner isn't a good look for this guy
  • dad: when a deadly russian assassin wears eyeliner, it's 'he's so dreamy' and 'wow what a badass'
  • dad: but when i do it it's 'you're too old' and 'bald guys can't pull off make-up'
  • me: dad it was halloween and it was one time you need to let this go
  • dad: so bucky barnes, aka cute cocky guy who died in the first movie, aka steve roger's best friend/boyfriend, is a top secret super scary brainwashed hydra agent?
  • me: mmm-hm
  • dad: called it
  • dad: do you think single handedly destroying jets is just a common, everyday thing for cap? punch a few tanks, feed a few pigeons, take out a plane, help old ladies cross the street...
  • dad: captain america is like your grandad minus the booze and the cussing
  • dad: in all honesty that was a little anti-climactic
  • dad: i was 100% sure nick fury was gonna descend majestically from the heavens, 'All I do is Win' blaring in the background, and single-handedly save everyone's ass
  • dad: scarjo and chris evans are two of the most beautiful people in the world and they are both in this movie and i don't know how to feel about it i have butterflies in my stomach i'm a schoolboy again
  • me: you know on second thought we should have brought mom
  • dad: where's hawkeye? where's bruce? where's tony? where's thor? WHERE ARE ALL THE OTHER AVENGERS AS THE ENTIRETY OF SHIELD IS COMPROMISED AND NICK FURY DIES
  • me: maybe they figured steve could handle it
  • dad: maybe they're all lazy assholes

Anidala week 2017 - Day 7 - Free theme

“The Jedi and the Senator - Dancing"

This must have happened sometime during the Clone Wars, at some official party with the Galaxy jet set. And I’m all about embarassed Obi Wan and Satine snickering behind.

  • Nagisa: Did you tell anyone we are dating?
  • Karma: Yes Nagisa, I have no self control, and I told the entire world.
  • Nagisa: Okay, no need for the sarcasm.
  • Karma: No really, I have no self control, and I told the entire world.
  • Nagisa: What?! Karma!
  • Karma: Also, I'm not sorry.

So like. The idea that Bran can see freaking everything that’s ever happened or will happen really makes me laugh because yeah in the show it’s all about him knowing what the characters are doing or Jon’s parentage but think about it, Bran sees so far into the future that he probably knows what fucking airplanes are. He’s probably said the words “why don’t you email it” to someone before going “oh, sorry, that isn’t in your lifetime”.  Bran knows what a fucking Walmart is. He knows every shit meme out there. Bran Stark knows

finally hauled ass to draw bnha for the first time!! which happened to be on lil beansprout’s special day by sheer coincidence! happy birthday midoriya ♡

Okay so Dan and Phil are moving and all, but all I can think of is: will the people that will move into their old apartment after them even have the slightest idea of everything that has happened there??

  • Hook: It would help if we knew who we were looking for.
  • Belle: His name is Gideon. He's my son.
  • Hook: Your son is an infant.
  • Belle: He was, but he was kidnapped by his grandma who's evil and also the Black Fairy. She tortured him in a realm where time moves differently and now he's all grown up and he wants to kill Emma to steal her Savior powers.
  • Charming: Wow.
  • Belle: I know it sounds crazy but--
  • Charming: No, not that. Hook, who had that in the pool?
  • Hook: That would be Grumpy. 'Kidnapped by, until now, unmentioned magical relative and molded for evil purposes.' Really nailed it. He is going to clean up.
  • Belle: I'm sorry, you bet on how my son would turn evil?
  • Charming: No, we bet on what magical shenanigans would go down once you gave birth. It happens every time there's a new baby here. I had "Gideon immediately falls into a portal for the sake of irony."
  • Belle: Unbelievable.
  • Hook: And yet, here we are.
I'm dead

Our party was in a fight against cultist. Now these guys were not strong, but they know how to swarm the team till they took you down. My roommate was playing and her character knew the “arms of Hadar” spell, which I thought would be a great way to clean the field. Long story short, she died and I was really sorry till this happened.

Me: OMG IM SO SORRY! ITS ALL MY FUALT! WE WILL FIND A WAY TO SAVE YOU I SWEAR!!
DM: (to my roommate) you suddenly find yourself feeling lighter then air. You look down and you are shocked to see your body. You feel a light tugging on your soul, imploring you to leave, but it is light, nearly there. What will you do?
Roommate: (grins) I’m gonna follow the tugging. See ya later bitches!
ME:YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THAT BODY OR SO HELP ME!! I WILL SAVE YOU JUST SO I CAN FUCKING KILL YOU MY SELF YOU BITCH!!!
Roommate: Naw man, I’m gonna go talk to Cthulhu!
Me: I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE IF YOU DO NOT GET YOUR SOUL BACK IN THAT BODY RIGHT NOW! I WILL FUCKING FIGHT CTHULHU WITH MY BEAR HANDS SO YOU DONT HAVE A REASON TO LEAVE, YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!!!

more universe swap ideas:

Sidney and Geno are dating, but one day they have an argument. Maybe it’s over a dumb penalty one of them took, and Sidney is chewing Geno out for it, and that led to Geno accusing Sidney caring more about hockey than their relationship. Sidney is mad enough to be in tears (how could Geno ever think that of him?) as he storms off to their bedroom and slams the door shut, and Geno is still pissed so he sleeps on the couch.

Then Geno wakes up in a universe where not only does he still play for the Pens, he’s the captain. But Sidney is nowhere to be seen. In fact, no one’s ever heard of Sidney Crosby. He begins to panic.

“You just fuck with me now,” Geno says to Flower. Tanger and some of the rookies give him a nervous look. “No, really, where Sid. Not funny anymore.”

“We don’t know who that is, G,” Phil says. “Really.”

He’s about to have a panic attack when the Pens PR suddenly come up and ask if he’s ready to go deliver the season tickets. Geno, in a daze, lets him kind of guide him wherever, and soon he’s on his way, with the team and the Pens admin, to a little suburban house. 

Geno does not want to deliver tickets, but he knocks and he’s ready to kind of shove the tickets at them and leave. Then the door opens and–

“Oh my God,” Sidney says. He’s in jeans and a Malkin jersey, but it’s Sid, his Sidney, not missing or dead and oh God, he’s right here. “You’re Evgeni Malkin. You actually came.”

“Sid,” Geno whispers. 

He’s about to pull Sidney in for a kiss when a little boy peeks out from behind Sidney’s leg. “Dad, that’s Geno,” the boy says in wonder.

Geno watches, stunned, as Sidney picks up the boy and kisses his cheek. “This is my son,” Sidney says, smiling broadly. “Come in, come in–”

And Geno is led into this bizarro world where he meets Sidney’s fucking husband, the rest of the kids, Taylor, and Sidney’s parents, and he has to pretend that he isn’t losing it watching his boyfriend live a suburban life. Apparently, in this universe, Sidney had not played hockey after Shattuck. He went to university in Pittsburgh, married his college sweetheart (the football captain, to be exact. He’s handsome and tall and friendly, and it’s clear that he adores Sidney. Geno hates him immediately), has three kids with him who all adore the Penguins, and teaches at the local elementary school. And it’s breaking his heart watching Sidney live this perfect life, and knowing that he has no part in it.

anyways i want those angsty movie scenes where Geno keeps asking Sidney out on not-dates. It’s getting late, and Geno’s driving Sidney back home after yet another dinner.

“Sid, wait,” Geno says, as Sidney’s unbuckling his seat belt. Sidney looks at him in question. “Don’t go yet.”

“I still have some papers to grade–”

Geno covers Sidney’s hand with his, in one bold, sudden move. “Please don’t go.”

Sidney looks stunned, then pained. “Geno,” Sidney says softly. “Geno, I think I know what this is.”

“Sid, please–”

“I have a family,” Sidney says. “You’ve been–you’re an incredible hockey player–and–and a wonderful friend, I mean–you’re Evgeni Malkin–”

“I love you,” Geno says.

Sidney bristles. “I’m going home, Geno,” he says coldly. “Good night–”

“Wait–”

“Let go–”

“I’m show–” Geno fumbles with his phone, which miraculously had all the photos from his world. Photos of his Sidney kissing his cheek, of them lazing around after workouts, Geno and Sidney’s happiest moments. 

He presses play on a random video, startling Sidney into freezing as in-video Sidney’s voice asks cheerily, “Geno, what should we do on your Cup day?” 

“You captain,” in-video Geno responds. “You decide.”

“But it’s your day,” in-video Sidney whines. “Really, we can do anything. I promise.”

“Okay. You be nice to me all day.”

“I’m always nice to you.”

“No nagging. More kisses.”

“I don’t nag!” in-video Sidney laughs, then kisses Geno’s nose. “I just want your day to be perfect.”

“Everyday perfect,” in-video Geno responds, stroking Sidney’s cheek, as the Sidney on the screen softens considerably. 

“How is this possible?” Sidney whispers, entranced by the video. “Wha–I don’t–”

“I told you,” Geno says tiredly. “I’m boyfriend in other world.”

i haven’t finished me:a yet - and i will! i want to know the rest of the story. but this game has already burned me way too many times. i’m sorry i can’t be more positive - trust me, i tried, i have been holding out hope despite every shitty thing that happens and all the garbage i see, but… i just can’t do it anymore.

bioware is supposed to care about this. this is what they’re known for.

4

Tucker’s just really glad Wash is okay.

  • Johnny: are you really still mad at me?
  • Ten: *ignoring him*
  • Johnny: *sigh*
  • Johnny: i'm sorry i put all of your stuff on the top shelf
  • Ten: *bitter* and?
  • Johnny: and replaced all your shoes with heels i bought from the thrift store
  • Ten: *angry* and??
  • Johnny: and i'm sorry i called you the frodo to my gandalf
  • Ten: and what did we learn?
  • Johnny: *dejected* that i'm not funny
The Tight Knit Family as John Mulaney Quotes
  • marvin: I'm really sorry about last night, it's just that I'm mean and loud. it probably will happen again.
  • whizzer: it's just... I've never had money before, and I want some
  • trina: I'll keep all my emotions right here, and then I'll die.
  • jason: I'm very small. and I have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under.
  • mendel: AND THAT'S MY WIFE!
  • charlotte: I think Emily Dickinson is a lesbian
  • cordelia: hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'd probably apologize to you

anonymous asked:

Could we get a cute sketch of Ma Pines embarrassing Stan in front of Carla?

….I’m sorry I couldn’t think of anything other than when your parents tell your crush right in front of them that you have a crush on them. 

  • Jacques: Weiss, get in that airship right now!
  • Winter: She's not going anywhere with you!
  • Whitley: Honestly sisters, none of this would have happened if you just listened to father in the first place.
  • Weiss: Shut up Whitley. Klein, I'm really sorry my father dragged you out all this way to try and persuade me to come back but it's really not going to work. You see, I'm in a relationship with my teammate and I'm not going to leave her side again.
  • Jacques, Winter, Whitley and Klein: You're what?!
  • Weiss: I'm Ruby's girlfriend.
  • Winter: Awwwwww! My sister has a girlfriend.
  • Klein: I'm so proud of you.
  • Whitley: You can't come out of the closet first! I was going to do that! That's not fair! DAD! Tell her that's not fair! Dad? Dad?
  • *Jacques is already flying off in the airship.*