Hey everyone, this is Dora.
For the past eight years, I’ve been an admin at Fuck Yeah Mastodon. We were the first real Mastodon fan site, the first one to get the band’s recognition, and I’ve had Brann’s support for this site and its content. Also in the past eight years I have grown up, changed my life, and have fought to be somewhat mentally and emotionally sane despite all the hurdles along the way.
In the past I have taken sabbaticals from FYM to focus on school, work, or other responsibilities. Sadly, this time my sabbatical is likely going to be permanent. As of September 2nd, 2017, I will no longer be the admin for Fuck Yeah Mastodon.
There are multiple reasons why I have made the decision to leave. First of all, I have accepted an important internship connected to my local law enforcement agency that requires a lot of strict confidentiality. Secondly, my job and my grad school expectations keep me from having enough time to run a fan site properly. FYM has other mods, but they too are very busy and can’t always be online to help me out. We’re all adults with adult responsibilities that often hinder our ability to have an up-to-date fan source for info, news, and the like.
The third and final reason why I am stepping down - and this is really difficult to write - is that I don’t feel like there is a safe place for me in that little Mastodonian world anymore. There are people currently a part of Mastodon’s road crew that I do not feel comfortable being around and want no association with, and I will not elaborate on who it is in this post, but nonetheless I have to do a bit of distancing for the sake of my emotional well-being. The last Mastodon show I attended made for an undesirable experience in some ways. This is not the band’s fault, but I still feel how I feel.
Let’s also be real here: FYM is not the Mastodon fan site anymore. We’ve fallen way off of the radar since both Mastodon Fan Club and Mastodon Mayhem surpassed us in popularity. They have thousands of followers on multiple social media platforms and admins who update the living shit out of both sites every day, and FYM can’t compete. As much encouragement and support as Brann has given me time and time again, my passion for running an orderly fan site has run out.
I can’t really pretend anymore. It’s not just Brent’s dislike of me, it’s not just being too busy with life responsibilities, it’s not Mastodon’s sound changing in a way I don’t enjoy quite as much. I have to take care of myself. I have to take care of me. That involves removing myself from people, places, and things that feel like a threat or a painful reminder of my failures. The most important things in my life right now revolve around graduating with my MSCJ, becoming an investigator, and doing rewarding work that I can love myself for. That kind of wholeness and self-acceptance can’t come from chasing bands around.
With all this being said though, I feel blessed by Brann’s kindness. Even during bad times I kept going and kept trying to be okay for him, as stupid as that sounds. Kindness from someone you love and look up to can do wonders. I’m not the same person I was when I was 21. I’m almost 30 now. Life has beaten a lot of the stars out of my eyes and made me realize what the music industry is too often full of. For every decent person like Brann, you get about 50 other people who are disgusting and untrustworthy. A lot has been weighing on my conscience and I need to seek peace on my own.
Skye Dailor Remembrance Day will still happen as scheduled this year. FYM will be turned over to new management and will likely only stay updated regularly on our Facebook page. I have made a conscious decision not to attend any future shows at this time, only for the sake of putting school and work first.
Anybody reading this - band members, friends of the band, and our followers - I’m really sorry if this seems like a letdown. When I tried to leave at the end of 2014, Brann sought me and talked me out of it. I hope that this time around he’ll understand why I need to go. I am thankful for how Mastodon’s music has impacted me on a personal level and kept me going through some harrowing trials. This site was always a vehicle for giving back. I hope that our other admins and mods will continue giving back to Mastodon fans and to the band directly, even if it’s only a small little bit of what other sites do. Thank you for all the love and support.
If you need to talk to me about anything pertaining to FYM, have any concerns, or just want to vent, My main account is @leperwitch and my email is email@example.com.
See you on the other side…