I'll-miss-it

You fell in love with the one. Your very first love was everything. You went to the movies and held hands. You fell asleep looking at the sky while laying in a field. You looked at each other like love was all that mattered. You ran through the rain and hugged and cried and tried with everything you had to make it work. Your heart skipped a beat, and you didn’t think you could fall any harder. Of course, you thought you’d be different. It was true love to you. But then the late night conversations stopped. The cute hair twirling stopped. You ended up screaming and fighting even when it was the last thing either of you wanted. You begged the universe to let it work. You convinced yourself you wouldn’t leave no matter what they did. Then, they left you. Your first love left you with a broken heart for someone who didn’t love them. I’m sorry, beautiful one. I’m sorry you fell in love with the perfect person who turned out to just be human.
—  your one and only
instagram

And then the lights fade out and I’m alone on the stage, your voice echoing around me in the deafening silence. I sink to the floor, helpless inside the words that used to comfort me so much, but the chorus of you spins in the blackness and I remember that I wasn’t good enough for you, I wasn’t good, I wasn’t I wasn’t.

And you aren’t even here but oh god, you’re digging a green and gold knife into my chest every time you look at me with those eyes of yours.

—  I’m a mess right now // excerpts of stories I will never write •
Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you keep doing all of this if I mean nothing to you?
—  Day 55

I have come to the conclusion that S/M Ash and Hinata would be the best of friends and they would do nothing but talk to each other via a series of indecipherable “GWAH!” and “UWA!!!”s

So the boy you gave your everything to
Walked away without looking back
And you’re left to pick up the pieces he left behind

2 boys later and you’re getting good at pretending he’s not here
But you’re still planning for ways to go back
Still searching for a reason to call

The boy you gave your everything to
Gladly took it, knowing full well he wasn’t planning to stay
He took and took and took until you were nothing but a ghost of what you use to be

i am no longer the girl i was when i loved you. i have reinvented myself. i no longer like coconut chapstick or gold eyeshadow. i no longer like horror movies or your stupid posters in your room. i no longer stay up until 5am just waiting for your name to pop up on the screen. i no longer cry everyday. i no longer barely make it through the day. i like sunshine and pale eyeshadow and coffee and art and thunderstorms and i am now everything you will never get the chance to know. i am better. i have found sunshine rooted in my very own veins. i am new, and i hope you envy the newfound warmth that i have found in myself.

The saddest yet most beautiful story,
is when the sun created oceans from his tears,
so that the moon could see
how much he misses her,
when he died every night
to let her shine.
—  Does it take an ocean for you to see how much I miss you? // (Jana, @writtenbyjana on Instagram)