With all the drama with cassandra clare yesterday I’ve seen some people claiming that malec wasn’t underrepresented or neglected and I’m sorry but that’s not true. Here I’m going to try and explain why I think clare didn’t do a good job with represenation in her books. Warning for spoilers for all the books. I’m putting this under a read more because this got incredibly long.
I’ll tell you what I remember, seeing as you asked. That after we made love that night in my parents’ house, you asked me to get out of bed, naked. Remember how I felt? I mean we had just had sex, so that’s as intimate as I thought it got, but it’s funny that I don’t remember that part as much as you making me stand in front of you with nothing on and we were freezing cold and I felt so exposed, like I felt you could see inside the guts of me. And remember, I cried? And you were like, Shh, shh, don’t. You’re beautiful, and I can’t believe I’m writing this now, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget your voice when you said that. I think I loved you at that moment.
But then Joe happened, and you didn’t ring or anything. You didn’t let me see you exposed from all your pain. You hid and you left me there, starkers, and for so long, for so, so long, I felt raw. Don’t ever ask anyone to do that again, Tom. Don’t ever ask them to bare their soul and then leave it. It’s fucking cruel and no matter how much pain you were in, you had no right. Because sometimes it makes me want to shudder, because sometimes I still think I’m there in my bedroom standing naked, except it’s like the whole world can see me, and they’re laughing like sometimes I remember people laughing at me behind my back in high school. And it makes me just want to cry with shame.
If you think I’ve forgotten anything about that night, you, most gorgeous girl, are laboring under great misapprehension. I remember everything. I remember your petticoat.. slip… whatever the hell it’s called, and how you let me take it off. You made me close my eyes and that was even more of a turn on.
You’ve always seen through me and that’s freaked me out. You saw the stuff I didn’t show other people. The part of me that sometimes can be a bully, because I come from a family of it. Learned behavior because I think my dad was taught by Bill and Bill was taught by his father and sometimes I feel it inside me as well, except we’re not actually comfortable with it, but it’s there and it frightens all of us. And that night you saw the fear. You made it go away for just one minute and then Joe happened and I couldn’t speak anymore and the numbness-please, God don’t ever let me feel that numbness again. I think I was scared that you wouldn’t be able to make the numbness go away and if my mum and dad and Anabel couldn’t, and then you couldn’t, I didn’t know whether I could handle that.
I know I stuffed up and I know your peacekeeper probably treated you like gold and I’ve treated you like crap but I want you to know that I remember the conversations we had in Year Twelve, when you told me you wanted to do a cultural studies degree because you believed in trade, not aid, and you believe that the only way was to ask the questions and listen to the needs of the people and I remember thinking that exact moment, I want to change the world with her. And I remember feeling that again in Georgie’s attic. That’s a powerful gift you have there Ms. Finke. To make the laziest guy around want to change the world with you. So next time you remember standing in your bedroom naked, know that it is the most amazing view from any angle, especially the one where we get to see inside.
I know this sounds incredibly cheesy by now, but I think some people forget this, and I want to remind you of them. Because it is important.
You’re only human.
You know what I mean by that?
It means there’s so many things you alone can accomplish. Look at the list of things we humans have done so far. We’ve created electricity. We’ve traveled to the moon and down in to the depths of the sea. We found new creatures - we’ve destroyed creatures.
You’re a walking potential.
What I also mean is that you’re not perfect. And that’s fine. It’s okay. Your imperfection is what people love about you; what I love about you.
What does it also mean to be human?
Well, zillion years ago, there was a collision, creating an expansion of universe of time and space. There were millions and billions of stars, and in the creation of us, our parts had to come from somewhere. And where did that all come from? From the beginning of time. Stars.
Therefore you’re made out of stars. Your body contains star dust. YOU are one with the cosmos.
You’re greater than you see yourself to be. Don’t forget that. No matter how insignificant you feel, how disgusting and atrocious you feel your existence to be, remember this; Everything that made you to be who you are is not the physical act of a man and a woman to have sex. You are the product of the infinite galaxy, another star waiting to be light up.
I have no idea how to put into words how incredible last night was, but I’ll do my best.
As soon as I got into the theater and went to hand the usher my ticket, I was somehow standing right next to Kris. It didn’t register at first, I just remember smiling politely at him while I waited for the woman to hand me my ticket again, he smiled back, and then I realized… hey, wait, I know you! His accent isn’t what I would have expected and he’s also very tall and I’m very not.
The beginning with the producers talking about how it was love at first sight meeting Stana and Kris was really sweet, and when she ran onto the stage to wild applause and a standing ovation, I was just really proud?? Her face during it all was everything.
I won’t give too many details about the show, just out of respect for the ~mysterious nature of the play and those who may see it in the future, but if anyone wants to know anything specific via message/ask I’m more than willing to try and explain some :)
Some highlights from the show:
The repeated use of my favorite word, fuck. The shit, prick, and dickheads all take a very close second though.
During the counting of the audience when she stood right in front of me and smiled and I somehow survived. Her skin is flawless, damn girl.
Her little “YES!”s and “WOO!”s during the same counting time.
The cheetah-impersonating-an-ostrich “mating dance.” I have no words, just too good. (Can’t say I’ve seen the video she mentioned, but I’ll take her word that I’m missing out hahah)
The re-enactment of the whole story in 30 seconds - everything I’ll ever need and more.
When she emphasized the words “murder” and “police” multiple times. I see you, Beckett.
At one point, the script got ~deeper and talked about some serious things, and she paused for a few beats and I’m pretty sure I saw her wiping away a tear. It was just so real to me, her reacting to what she’s reading for the first time.
Her comedic timing. Like fuck. In the little moments where she’d go off script and make a face, a physical movement, or a comment, everything was so on point. I’d love to see her to a legit comedy, she’d kill it.
I’m no doubt forgetting some things, but those are what pop into mind right now!
I still can’t believe Stana stayed after for so long to sign autographs and take photos with every single person there. I mean, I can because it’s her and that’s just who she is, but it was still so surreal. As we were in line, one of the producers was walking around talking to people, and he literally couldn’t say enough good things about her. He was so happy, and he kept saying how she’s a joy and an honor to know and work with. One of us made a comment about how it was amazing that she’s staying and doing these signings, and he looked at us with a proud smile and went, “we’ve had a lot of big celebrities come do this with us, but none of them have done what she’s doing right now.” Ugh, she’s too pure.
Despite having so many people there, I could see her smiling and laughing and engaging with everyone who went up to her, paying attention and listening to them, and I didn’t think I could admire her any more than I already did but it happened. It’s all a blur, but I know she said something along the lines of: “Thank you guys so much for coming, it was so much fun, especially with people like you in the audience.” My friend Erin showed her a drawing of her that’s 95% finished and she pointed to the phone screen and went, “That is amazing! And the crazy hair!” (it’s the photo that was on the little insert) and made a dramatic sweeping motion with her hand to her head/hair to emphasize it. It was adorable. Laura also showed her her tattoo, but that’s her story so I don’t want to tell it for her in case she’s going to make a post of her own, but it was so sweet to watch ugh.
Everything about the night exceeded any and all expectations I had going in. I’m just so happy and so grateful to have gotten to watch Stana do what she does best :’)
HI THIS FIC IS REALLY REALLY LONG I DID NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO END UP REALLY LONG. this is for you, dwightdangershrute , you told me to write whatever for your christmas present so I went with long-distance Kawoshins. MERRY CHRISTMAS DARLING!!!!
When Shinji first posted a question on his math homework on the college forums, he didn’t expect an answer within a half hour, and certainly not an incredibly detailed one.