I was too afraid to do anything that would have really helped myself

some self-care/mental health tips for the upcoming school year

with school coming soon or already starting for some people i figured i’d share some of my tips for a healthier lifestyle. i know in the past i’ve struggled so much with being good to myself once school starts, both mentally, emotionally, and physically!

keep a clean room 

i know how hard this is. i’m absolutely awful at it, even in the summer but it really makes the biggest difference. coming home to a mess when your life is already stressful and messy enough just makes things worse. i know when i have a clean space i’m way more productive and at peace with my situation.

take a break from social media

just doing this every once in awhile makes the hugest difference. social media is a wonderful world but it’s easy to get caught up in how everyone is doing things without you or having more fun or how someone’s prettier or whatever. it’s not worth it. i’ve learned that just deleting the apps for even a few hours can make my mental state 10x better. it’s important to realize that while people are out doing things all the time, you can never be as fun as all the 162 people you follow combined.

don’t be afraid to invite people out

one of the biggest things i struggle with is being social, simply because i overthink inviting people to do things with me too much and just wait to be invited by someone else instead. remember that even if someone says they can’t do something, it’s not the end of the world. at least you opened up a possibility!!! by being someone who invites others to do things, people will feel more appreciated and like you actually want to hang out with them! but also always save time for yourself as well!

create a self-care routine with motivation

by giving yourself some type of reward to wash your face, brush your teeth and shower, such as only watching your favorite tv show afterwards, it will feel a bit easier to accomplish the tasks that seem simple but can be terribly hard, especially if you suffer from depression. i’ve learned that combining things into one task also makes it easier, such as once you get in the shower, do everything. wash your face, brush your teeth, shave, all in the shower. it makes self-care so much easier.

get outside, stay out of bed

laying in bed is the best thing ever, i know, but it can be so easy to get in there and never get out. this is my biggest bad habit. i feel more productive even just sitting on the couch. my bed is like a black hole of lost motivation. go outside for twenty minutes a day if you can. sunlight makes things a little better and staying inside all day does nothing for you.

do one thing that scares you everyday, big or small.

i’m someone who has struggled with social anxiety for years now, but i’m slowly getting better because i’m making a conscious (and very terrifying effort) everyday. this won’t work for everyone, i know, but it’s helped me a little bit. i try to challenge myself everyday to do one thing that scares me, whether it’s asking someone to do something after school or agreeing to get coffee with a friend you’re not super close to yet, or even just making conversation with someone next to me in class. don’t push yourself too far but don’t make zero effort either.

cut the negative language/mindset

anytime you have a negative thought find a reverse positive. even saying “i’m not happy with how my hair looks but my ass looks great in these jeans” is better than saying “i look awful today”. stop the constant internal bullying! think of it this way, if your best friend said the things you say to yourself, how would you feel? you’re your own best friend, so cut the shit! compliment yourself like you do your best friend. complimenting myself and finding things i find beautiful on my own body even once a day has increased my confidence exponentially. a negative language towards yourself leads to a negative mindset.

find someone who motivates you

if you need motivation to work out, study, anything, find a buddy. having someone to do things with and hold you accountable makes a world of difference. this summer i got together with a friend and made a deal that we would work out 2-3 times a week. it worked so much better than if i had just made that goal for myself because she was always there to text me to ask to workout when we needed to but i lacked the desire. and i did the same for her. now we actually both got a job at a gym together this fall and are working out consistently because we have that mutual  accountability with each other! plus just having someone you enjoy seeing makes doing the hard task more fun!

accept your individuality

you don’t need to look like society’s ideal of beautiful. there’s millions of types of flowers, and just because one kind is pretty to someone, does that make all the others ugly? no. there’s tons of species of dogs too and they all look totally different. is a poodle ugly just because a golden retriever is cute? NO. your individuality is you. everyone is beautiful in the very own unique way. don’t try to look like someone ellse. your beauty is not measured by how perfect your features are. 

drink some fucking water

and eat some food too

understand that a bad week doesn’t mean a bad life

we’re all going to go through those weird ass time periods where it feels like everything sucks and nothing can go right. accept that although it’s pretty bad right now, it won’t be forever. 

good luck with this school year everyone! hope my tips help even just one person. take care of yourselves, kiddos.

A cage of golden glass

Synopsis: There was you. An ordinary human girl, wrong place, wrong time. Then there was Loki. God of Mischief, war criminal. When Thor brings you to Asgard to ensure your safety, there is nobody else you come to hate more passionately than his evil foster brother. Then Odin finally decides on a new and much more effective kind of punishment for Loki, causing your whole world to fall apart. He would simply marry him off to a mortal, someone who is, by all means, “beneath” him. You.

Pairing: Loki x Reader
Rating: M
Chapter: 1/1 (Oneshot)
Words: 7217
Warnings: smut, forced marriage

Read it on AO3!

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Captain

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 3,610

Request: OMG I’m so happy to see that the requests are open again! I want to say that I LOVE your writing and I was wondering if you could do a Steve x reader smut where they have a strained relationship but then they have to share a bed during an undercover mission and that leads to sex, possibly with rough/Dom!Steve after all the tension (maybe they had to pretend they were a couple for the mission or something). Feel free to change this if you want I trust your writing genius :)

Warnings: Smut, Dom!Steve, hair pulling, captain kink, dirty talk, orgasm denial, light spanking, light choking, oral sex, swearing, Steve is a little tease

Author’s Note: I’d like to again dedicate this one to @scarlets-wanda, who tried to sneak the fact that it was her birthday last week past me! So in return, I wrote this for her. Enjoy.

Originally posted by ohevansmycaptain


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Back To School Tips Master Post!

I had a few people asking me to do a back to school tips/ how to do well in school post so here it is. I’m a sophomore in college and an honors student so I plan on sharing the things that have helped me succeed. Even though these tips are things I use now in college, most of them I also used in high school so it can be applied there as well. 

Organization                                                                                                           The most beneficial thing you can do is stay organized.

  1. Get a planner.- I bought mine this year at Walgreens for around $7 but it has a plastic cover so all paper ones are even cheaper. A planner is good for keeping track of when everything is due. When I get my syllabi for my classes I go through them and write down the due dates of homework, essays, tests, etc, on the day they are due. You can color code your classes or just write the class next to the assignment. This way you can look at a whole week and see everything you have due for all of your classes in one place. It’s also easier to add in things or make changes if your professor decides to due so.
  2. Use a white board- I know white boards can be expensive, so if you can’t afford one, expo markers will write on laminated paper which you can get for around $4 on Amazon. I use this to keep on my wall and write the next really important date for each class. So I have all my classes listed on the board and let’s say my next big date in Psych is a test. I’d write that date on the board, then after the test, I’d erase it and write the next important date. These dates should be in your planner as well but it’s nice to have them right in front of you at all times so you don’t turn to the next week in your planner and realize you have a test on Monday. 
  3. Buy durable folders- If you’re going to be using your folders all year make sure they’ll last all year. You want to lose any of your assignments. I get plastic folders at Office Depot for $0.39 a piece. I chose a color for each class and write the class at the top in sharpie and I’m good to go!
  4. Notebooks too!- You’re going to be taking a lot of notes so make sure to keep a notebook for each class as well. Mine were $3 each at Office Depot but they have a plastic cover so if you need to save some money get the paper covers because you most likely wont reuse a notebook.
  5. Get a pack of loose leaf paper- Sometimes you have to turn things in and if you’re like me then you hate tearing it out of your notebook. But if you don’t have a problem with that then don’t worry about it!
  6. Use some sort of bag/backpack- This will help you not lose anything plus you can put water, snacks, etc in it as well!

Study Tips                                                                                                               Tests are often the biggest portion of your grade so knowing the best ways to study will help you out the most. 

  1. Figure out what type of learner you are- This can greatly improve your study skills. There are visual learners; these people learn best with charts, graphs, and anything that show a visual relationship between information. So if you’re this type of person, to help study you could make charts, graphs, tables, draws arrows between points of information, or watch videos. Anything to help you see it. There are also auditory learners; these people learn best when hearing the information. So the best way for these people to study is to recite information out loud, or if your course has an audio book to listen to it. You could also have a friend read information to you and you say it as well. Some people are reading/writing learners; they do best when reading the text and writing down important points/taking notes. This is the type of learner I am so to help me study, I write out my own flashcards, I copy power points into my notes, and as I read my chapters I write the important information.  Something else that is good for these kind of learners is to make little quizzes for yourself. There are also kinesthetic learners; they learn best with more hands on activities. This can be hard to do especially with some subjects. If you can physically do what you’re studying then do it. If not, make a game out of it. For example, ask yourself questions and if you get it right take a shot at a basketball hoop or a soccer goal (if you don’t have these things use a paper ball and your trashcan or anything you can substitute. Figuring out which learner you are will greatly improve how you study.
  2. Don’t wait until right before a test- Cramming your brain with all the information a few days before a test will not help you remember and only stress you out. This is called Massed Practice and is proven to be a waste of time and information is not retained well. Study a little everyday or every other day. This is called the Spacing Effect and is proven to improve retention and recall of information. So it is best to do short sessions of study over a long period of time rather than a long session all at once.
  3. Find a good place to study- If you like quiet places and your house/dorm is too loud go to a library or outside if it’ s a nice day.  If you like a lot of background noise play some music or go to a coffee shop.

Overall Tips                                                                                                            These tips are still really important but I don’t have enough that fit together to make another header.

  1. Work on what’s due first- Some people think it’s always best to work on the important things first but that’s not always the case. If your essay is due in two weeks and you have an assignment due in a few days then finish the assignment first. You’ll still have plenty of time for your essay. I suggest doing all your work but if something happens to where you just can’t then yes do the more important thing because it’ll be a bigger part of your grade.
  2. Writing Centers- A lot of colleges/universities have writing centers.  If you’re not the best at writing or just need some help you can make an appointment at the writing center where someone highly qualified in writing will read your paper/essay and help you with grammar, punctuation, idea flow, overall organization etc. I highly suggest checking to see if your school has one of these.
  3. Check your email/Blackboard/whatever your professor uses- This is where they may add extra assignments/ cancel class and not mention it in class. It’s always important to check.
  4. Try to relax- I know it can be hard, especially for students with depression, anxiety, and other mental/physical illnesses but it’s important to always take a moment and calm down. Take breaks from your work and do something you enjoy for at least a few minutes everyday. If you need a nap, take a nap. just set an alarm to pick back up on your work later.
  5. Don’t worry about being perfect- This is still something I’m working on myself but getting better at. Last semester I got a B for the first time since my sophomore year of high school and it bothered me to no end. But, I told myself I did my best, and as a person with bad social anxiety I’m okay with my B in public speaking. So for anyone else who feels like they have to keep their 4.0 all 4 years, don’ t panic if you don’t. There’s nothing wrong with not being perfect, almost no one graduates college with a 4.0. Always do your best, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I cannot stress this enough.
  6. Take classes you enjoy- Hopefully you’re in a major that you enjoy so you wont hate your classes too much but it’s still important to try to take a fun class every once in awhile. If you like art, take an art class. Then, you’re still doing work but also doing something you like.
  7. Get a tutor- If you’re not doing as well in a class as you would like, don’t be afraid to get a tutor. Most universities offer tutors who are students that would love to help you and wont be judgmental at all. There’s nothing wrong with getting a little extra help and tutors are often people who have already passed the class with an A so they’ll be very good resources.
  8. Take care of yourself- Overall, make sure you’re eating well and drinking water throughout the day. Sometimes it’s impossible, but try to get enough sleep. If you go out to party watch out for yourself and others. Practice self care and if things get too stressful and you need help don’t be afraid to ask.

I know this post is very long, but I wanted to share everything I could for anyone who wanted help. If I think of anything else I’ll definitely add it later. I hope everyone has a great semester and school year! Good luck to everyone!

Inexorable (2)

Plot: How does is feel to be arranged to be married to a cocky, arrogant Mafia leader? Once you look at his face, you think you’re lucky, but then he opens his mouth.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, (eventual) smut, Mafia au!

Notes: Welp, since so many of you asked for it, here is a part two!! There are two other stories which need a continuation as well, so I might keep requests closed for a while.. Sorry about that. I hope you don’t mind. Feel free to ask me questions, though! Ya’ll are so nice to me! 2,053 Words

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (FINAL)

The ride to the vacation home wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Your husband actually gave you the space you needed. There were brief glares exchanged between the two of you, a whole lot of drinking, and forced slumber – it was a 3 hour ride, after all. 

When the both of you had finally reached, the luggage was taken out by the bodyguards who had come along, and brought to your huge master bedroom. It was twice the size of your father’s office – if not, bigger – the bed was king-sized, and adorned with silk sheets. The walk-in wardrobe was already stacked with clothes for both sexes, making you wonder why you had even brought luggage in the first place.

“Too small, honestly,” Jungkook commented, plopping down on the couch by the fireplace. “My room is bigger than this.”

There he was, ruining the moment again. It was a good thing you were too exhausted to fight with him; but that didn’t mask over the fact that you still wanted to knock him out.

“Brat..” 

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Mute

- Where Harry doesn’t talk and falls in love with Y/n.

Masterlist linked in bio


It’s Monday, which means that Harry has to start his week with Physics class.

Harry doesn’t mind the subject itself, he actually has come to the conclusion that it’s the class he’s most interested in—it’s more so the three-hour lab that couldn’t seem to end soon enough. Physics lab means three hours of group research, which requires an abundance of group participation and discussion—all of which makes Harry want to crawl out of his own skin.

And despite Physics holding Harry’s highest grade in university, everyone in that class only hopes to not be paired with him.

Not one student has heard him utter a single word, which ultimately led them to believe that his lack of participation will jeopardize their already mediocre grades. But Harry always finds himself writing all the data information to make up for his lack of discussion, even if he hated it.

So inevitably, Harry lets out an inaudible sigh when he settles into his chair, hair a bit disheveled and eyes still watering from the early hour. And he mentally curses himself for sleeping in a couple extra minutes because now he hasn’t gotten a single ounce of caffeine to help him feel more prepared for the next three hours.

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anonymous asked:

Hate to admit it but honestly I'm very slow, for the therapy session, is there a way to dumb down what the therapist said to Rick?

Hey, don’t be ashamed about not understanding something, especially with a show like Rick and Morty that is so complex and fast. It’s pretty difficult to keep up with everything in it. I find myself discovering new things every time I rewatch an episode, no matter how many times I’ve seen it before. (Which is always many, many times.) Honestly, I’ve started watching things with subtitles when I can, because I miss so much. 
To be honest, I’m really nervous to answer this. Mostly because I’m afraid I’ll misinterpret something, or miss something really obvious. Or just not be that helpful. So, followers - please, feel free to add!

(I’ll literally analyse Wong’s speech word-for-word, so I apologise for any delay in replying. Thanks to @freedricksanchez for typing up the whole thing.)

Rick: Because I don’t respect therapy, Because I’m a scientist. Because I invent, transform and destroy for a living and when I don’t like something about the world, I change it. And I don’t think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to an agent of average-ness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it’s helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind [burp] we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I’m not a cow. I’m a pickle – when I feel like it. So… you asked.

Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.

[Rick and Beth justify the dysfunction in their family and Rick’s poor mental health (which is the initial cause of the dysfunction) because Rick is a genius. Typically, smart people get away with things just because they’re smart. I suppose it’s natural to assume that they know what’s best in every aspect of life, since they definitely know best in at least one aspect to be called a genius. 
Higher intelligence is also linked with a higher chance of depression (IRL) - hence the saying “ignorance is bliss.” People - especially Beth - tend to brush aside flaws when they’re caused by or are in conjunction with a strength. 
Dr. Wong is pointing out that Rick’s genius shouldn’t be used to excuse his sickness, and the sickness it inflicts on the family as a whole.]

You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it’s because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it’s your mind within your control.

[Here, Dr. Wong theorises that Rick can’t have a constant opinion on his own intelligence and whether it is a hindrance or a strength, because he refuses to believe he is responsible for it. Rick’s apathy for everything, including the Beth he abandoned in the Cronenberg world and almost everyone he ever meets, is essentially caused by his intelligence. His intelligence allows him to travel across universes, which allows him to see people as completely dispensable, since there’s an infinite amount of them. What Rick doesn’t acknowledge, or doesn’t want to acknowledge, is that his intelligence and ability is entirely controllable by him.]

You chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and faeces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating [haha, that’s a good pun] by your own hands.

[Rick chooses to occupy himself in ridiculous and destructive ways. There’s an infinite amount of safe, yet entertaining ways to occupy oneself, but Rick wouldn’t be captivated by any of them (for long). He chooses to throw himself into disgusting, life-threatening situations, because those situations are the only things that can truly entertain him, despite the fact that he is, essentially, a god.]

I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I’m bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it’s not an adventure. There is no way to do it so wrong you might die. It’s just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people… well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.

[This part hit me hard, because I relate to it waaaay too closely for comfort. Dr. Wong describes therapy for Rick as how brushing teeth is for anyone else. It’s simply looking after the body, no matter how tedious it is. Not many people like brushing their teeth. It feels like a waste of time, and the payoff isn’t something you gain. It’s just to keep the teeth you have from rotting. Wong describes therapy as the same thing. It feels wasteful and boring, but it is necessary for some people to keep their mind healthy. It’s not fun, it’s not an adventure, and there’s no reward aside from staying healthy.
Dr. Wong also describes how Rick would rather die than be bored. This ties into the previous point - Rick needs a constant stream of activity to keep him from wanting to die. 
And that’s apparently not normal, but I wouldn’t really know????]

Anyway, it’s 2:39AM, so this is probably terribly written, and I apologise for that. I hope it helped, though??
(Again, please don’t feel embarrassed about not understanding all of it immediately! I didn’t either (aside from the last part), and I basically just got all of that by reading it just then!!) :) <3

Dark Quotes & Prompts

Anonymous said: Hi, thank you for all you do! I was wondering if you would have some dark quotes? I feel like there’s only light, airy ones floating around

Some of these are very negative and, well, dark, so if you’re not one for this sort of thing, please proceed warily.

Love

“She’s a saint with the lips of a sinner. She’s an angel with a devilish kiss.”

“If you don’t fight for what you love, you cry for what you lose.”

“I love you, as certain dark things are to be loved. In secret, between the shadow and the soul.” - Pablo Naruda

“Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness.” - R.Queen

“Hell sent us the most evil disease, and we humans called it “love” “- Conny Cernik

“You know that place between asleep and awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I will always love you. That’s where I will be waiting.” - Peter Pan

“But my dreams aren’t as empty as my conscience seems, to be. I have hours; only lonely. My love is vengeance that’s never free.”

“They told me not to play with fire, and I should’ve listened because I got burned by your soul and you left me in the ashes.”

“Until we’ve seen someone’s darkness we don’t really know who they are. Until we’ve forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is.” - Marianne Williamson

“We’re all searching for someone who’s demons play well with ours.”

“He saw the darkness in her beauty. She saw the beauty in his darkness.”

“I don’t really get why everything has to end. Nothing can be perfect but instead of quitting, People should try to fix their problems instead of leaving. Love is a really wonderful feeling but most people don’t know the real meaning.”

“He looked at me as if I were the only star in her darkest night and he kissed me as if I were the air that filled her lungs.”

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” - Mary Oliver

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Beginner Workout Tips

I know a lot of guys wanna improve their strength, and summer is definitely a good time for that. Many of us have more free time now that it’s summer. Perfect time to try out the gym. If you’re thinking of working on getting go the gym more this summer, I have a few tips that could really help:

Starting off is tough. Get through 2 weeks, though, and you’ll probably be able to make going to the gym a consistent habit! The first week is definitely the hardest. If you can, find a friend to work out with. Put the offer out there, and you’d be surprised who might say yes. It’s definitely more motivating to go when you have a friend going with you. It’ll keep you both accountable, on track, and motivated. Trust me, it worked for me back when I first decided to get serious about exercising.

Start taking a multi-vitamin. Sure, you should be able to get enough nutrition from food alone, but some diets have holes in them and multi-vitamins can fill those in. If you don’t have proper nutrition, you won’t see results, and you might actually strain your body. I know not all of us make the best food decisions every day. This will help your body stay on track.

Increase your protein intake on days you work out. When you lift weights, this is especially important. Meats are all high in protein. Try and make choices that tend to be lower in fats. Eggs are your best friends! Fish is great, and omega oils are Good for you, yo. Beans, peanut butter, nuts, milk, and yogurt all have protein, too (and the dairy items have calcium! an extra plus!), so don’t stress if you can’t have meat! And while we’re on the subject of protein, this is extremely important to point out: Protein shakes are NEVER a meal-replacement. Skipping meals or eating less than 2000 calories (if you’re counting) will hurt you. Seriously. Don’t do that. Protein shakes are meant to be consumed after workouts, unless they are specifically pre-workout shakes. Whey protein will be tough on those of you who are lactose-intolerant, because it’s made from milk, so even though it’s typically cheaper than other plant-based protein powders, the extra money will help you not feel terrible. The easiest on the stomach, I have found, are rice-based protein powders. If the store has little individual packets, buy different flavors and different ones to see which one(s) you like best. I personally am partial to the generic CVS chocolate flavored whey powder.

If you are just starting out on lifting, do NOT go heavy. Your muscles will build p strength faster than your tendons, so you could hurt yourself if you try to go too heavy too fast. If something hurts, do NOT do the exercise. Know your limits, and never push yourself to a crazy degree. I know you wanna impress your friends you’re at the gym with, or even the cute person you’ve been eyeing across the gym, but if you hurt yourself, you will look like a huge fool. It will ruin you. Don’t. Instead, do lighter weights with higher reps. I usually go for 3 sets of 10 reps, but you can go for anywhere from 8-12 reps. Only after you have built up a certain degree of strength would I even attempt to go heavier and even target certain body parts and muscle groups more intensely than others.

Have at least 2 rest days! Rest days are important. Your body needs to recover, or else it will never grow. You’ll also just exhaust yourself, and that’s not good. Use your rest days to just chill out. Stay hydrated and stretch so the soreness from your gym days won’t make you stiff and will dissipate faster!

Split your lift days by muscle-groups. This will keep your workouts structured and keep your body’s development proportional. I divide my days up like this: pull day (biceps and back), push day (triceps and chest with some shoulders), leg day (and yeah, don’t skip it), and shoulder day (since I just really want mine to develop well lol). I do abs every time, after I lift, but you can also do them before. Don’t skimp out with abs. Sure, it hurts, but the results are great. Core strength will really help with overall strength! I do at least 5 weight-lifting exercises for each designated day. Stretch before, and then get going! If you are unsure about your form for an exercise, most gyms have personal trainers who are willing to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask them a question! Youtube is also a great resource for videos on form. I like AthleanX’s videos, as well as Gabriel Sey’s, and Buff Dudes. Proper form is extremely important, otherwise you could strain your body or even seriously injure yourself. It’s especially important for heavier exercises.

Cardio days are good for you! Have at least 1 cardio day in your week! Walking, biking, jogging, dancing, and the elliptical are great for cardio. Swimming is also good cardio, but as a poor swimmer myself, I don’t really get much of a workout from it. If you have friends who like to play sports, soccer, basketball, etc are great for getting in some cardio and also making it fun (because jogging is honestly boring unless you jog outside or have a killer playlist). Speaking of jogging, I know this may sound silly to some of you, but try not to jog at night, especially if you’re a younger guy. Safety is important, and believe it or not, younger men in their 20s are the most common victims of violent crime. Know where you are, jog with a friend or two, be aware of your surroundings (if your music is so loud you can’t hear the cars passing by, turn it down a notch), and have your phone available in case you need to make a call. If things look iffy, call it a night and go home. If you’re in a hospital (or freaking dead), you won’t be working out much anymore.

This may sound silly, but celebrate your results! Get excited over your gains. Take selfies, flex in the mirror, admire those veins that pop that weren’t there before. Also, little tip: the secret to getting arms that look bigger is working your triceps. They’re more of your arms than your biceps, so even though nice biceps look hot, good triceps will make you look stronger. It’ll make you look impressive! And being excited about your results from all your hard work will help keep you motivated!

Those are a lot of tips, so that’s enough for now. If you have questions that are more specific, my ask box is open and you can even message me if you’d prefer. Don’t be afraid if you don’t know anything about working out – that was once me, too. I ain’t gonna judge you, yo. Like I said, I don’t have any professional knowledge, but I figured some of what I know may be helpful. I won’t be able to answer every question you send my way, but if I can find a video or article that can, I will definitely send that your way instead. Have fun, and try and stay motivated! Best of luck on them gains, yo.

Suga Daddy: Part 8

Suga Daddy: 8

Word count: 8.3k

Genre/Warnings: angst, dirty talk, language 

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi tells you about his past but is terrified of how you’ll take it.

This came a little early than expected. Anyway, enjoy and thanks for reading.

Parts: {playlist} one | two | three | four | five | six | seven 

Everything felt like it was playing out and slow-motion and all you were doing was twirling the flowers in your hand. You were nauseated and your mind was racing with every possible scenario. You knew that Yoongi couldn’t have a squeaky clean record. Especially with his attitude and the way he talked to you sometimes. For some reason you still loved him, despite that.

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SNK Character Song Series 06: Levi (Image song & monologue translations)

Heeeyyy, Tumblr! Long time, no see :’) Did y'all enjoy SNK Season 2?

Levi and Erwin’s image song CDs were just released and I enjoyed listening to them a lot! ♡ So, I decided to pop back in for a bit and take on a new translation endeavor, something I haven’t really done in a while.

First up, this post is Levi’s image song and monologue! For the song, I included the original Japanese as well as romaji for karaoke purposes, if you’re so inclined ;) I also made a transcript of the monologue in the original Japanese, which you can read here (feel free to use it to translate into other languages.)

This should be obvious but keep in mind these are spoilers for the song & monologue, in case you wanted to experience them for yourself first. I definitely encourage supporting the official release & ordering the CDs if you haven’t already ♡

I’m also nearly finished with my translation of Erwin’s song and monologue as well, I’ll update this post with a link once it’s done ♡ ETA: Here is the translation of Erwin’s song and monologue!

SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN CHARACTER SONG SERIES 06: Levi

“Dark Side Of The Moon” (Vocals by Hiroshi Kamiya)

Side note: the melody for Levi’s song is based on the previously released SNK single, Reluctant Heroes.

Japanese Version

こんな世界を今
逆さにして振ってみても
確かなことひとつ
出てきやしねぇ¹だろう?

壁の外は地獄
中は欺瞞溢れてる
それも併せ呑んで
任務を果たすだけ

感情流され死神喰われるか
足りない頭を回してみるか

※光当たらぬ月の裏
突き進むためには
もっと速く時には
躊躇なき非情さを
間違いじゃないやりたきゃやれ
ここに答えなんてない
ただ後悔残さぬ
自らの決断を

ここで生き抜くなら
言葉でする教育より
痛みの記憶説く
教訓が必要だろう?

犠牲も危険も避けては
成果など
得られぬものだと
腹を括れよ

隠されている月の裏
いつか暴くために
乱されるな喚くな
状況を見極めろ
結果がなきゃ正解もない
だから最後だけは
ただ後悔残さぬ
自らの生き方を

背後で散った勇敢な兵士たちが
遺した想い力を与える
必ずいつの日にか目障りな
壁も壊し
自由になる為この命捧ぐ

※ Repeat

Romaji Version

Konna sekai wo ima
Sakasa ni shite futte mitemo
Tashika na koto hitotsu
Detekiyashinē¹ darō?

Kabe no soto wa jigoku
Naka wa giman afureteru
Sore mo awase nonde
Ninmu wo hatasu dake

Kanjō nagasare shinigami kuwareru ka
Tarinai atama wo mawashite miru ka

※Hikari ataranu tsuki no ura
Tsukisusumu tame ni wa
Motto hayaku toki ni wa
Chūcho naki hijōsa wo
Machigai ja nai yaritakya yare
Koko ni kotae nante nai
Tada kōkai nokosanu
Mizukara no ketsudan wo

Koko de ikinuku nara
Kotoba de suru kyōiku yori
Itami no kioku toku
Kyōkun ga hitsuyō darō?

Gisei mo kiken mo sakete wa
Seika nado
Erarenu mono da to
Hara wo kukure yo

Kakusarete iru tsuki no ura
Itsuka abaku tame ni
Midasareru na wameku na
Jōkyō wo mikiwamero
Kekka ga nakya seikai mo nai
Dakara saigo dake wa
Tada kōkai nokosanu
Mizukara no ikikata wo

Haigo de chitta yūkan na heishi tachi ga
Nokoshita omoi chikara wo ataeru
Kanarazu itsu no hi ni ka mezawari na
Kabe mo kowashi
Jiyū ni naru tame kono inochi sasagu

※ Repeat

English Translation

This kind of world now
Even if we try shaking it upside down
There isn’t one thing that comes out
Which is certain, is there?

Outside the walls, it is hell
Inside, it is brimming with deceit
What’s more, we have to swallow it down
We can only fulfill our duty

Will we lose control of emotion and be consumed by a god of death?
Or will we try to use our dim-witted heads?

The dark side of the moon, untouched by light
For the sake of pushing forward
We have to be faster and at times
Be heartless without hesitation
It’s not a mistake if it’s what you want to do, so do it
There are no right answers here
Just being without regrets
Is my own decision

If were to I survive here
Rather than education with words
Isn’t persuasion by memories of pain
An essential lesson?

To avert sacrifice as well as danger
Things like results
Cannot be obtained
Steel yourself for it

The dark side of the moon is concealed
For the sake of someday being revealed
Do not get agitated, do not scream
Be certain of the circumstances
Without results, there are no right answers
Therefore only in the end
Just being without regrets
Is my way of living

Brave soldiers who died noble deaths² before us
The hopes they left behind give us power
Without fail, one of these days
We will demolish the obstructive walls as well
For the sake of freedom, we devote this life

Translation notes:

¹ It appears that Levi’s gruff style of speaking is present even in the lyrics of his song. The standard form of the verb here would be detekiyashinai (出てきやしない).
² The verb in the original Japanese, chiru/散る (or in this case, the past tense form chitta/散った) in the literal sense means “to fall” (in the context of leaves or blossoms from a tree). However, it also has the figurative meaning of “to die a noble death”. Even though we also say “fallen soldiers” in English, I worried that translating the lyric as, “fallen before us” or “fallen behind us” could both be misinterpreted, I decided to go with the more figurative meaning;;

++

Levi Monologue English Translation

Seriously now, I’ve had enough of this. This world is perpetual shit, and humanity is still toothless prey.

Those ugly titans are always going to take a bite out of us, and so we die a meaningless death.

Humanity is powerless.

When we won against the titans for the first time, the time when we sealed the wall in Trost district with a boulder, we could do it because of Eren’s power– a titan’s power.

The weak ones die quickly. How much power they use up doesn’t matter.

Eventually all of humanity, every single person will end up in the stinking maw of a titan, and while we experience the worst feeling there is, perhaps our miserable lives will end.

I realized it a few years ago. The stench of the gutters fills the inside of these walls. It’s been like this for over 100 years. It’s the way things are now.

Because I’ve had to breathe in this foul air ever since I was born, because I had no choice but to live crawling around in piles of trash, I thought that it was normal.

But when I went outside the walls for the first time, I realized how much I didn’t know about anything. It hit home for me, how much I had hated it.

The world outside the walls was like hell with titans wandering around, but the air I breathed there was completely different from the one inside the walls.

I realized, out there is what freedom is.

Freedom is something that absolutely cannot be obtained within the walls.

So I made a choice. I will continue to kill all of the titans.

If you want to confront the titans, information is never enough. So in order to survive, I learned how to live.

Quick action and callous decisions by assuming the worst is a necessary endeavor.

A moment’s hesitation, surrendering yourself to emotions, and you will be nothing but Titan bait.

If you don’t want to die, you have to always continue to keep this in mind.

And small choices will accumulate.

That is the way of living I have learned.

Risking no danger, making no sacrifices– there is no such easy discussion.

Even if there was, it’s all make-believe.

So far, I have lost numerous subordinates.

Whether my choice was correct at those times, I do not know. It’s always been like that.

Even if I believe in my own power, even if I believe in my comrades whom I fully trust, none of us will know the outcome.

Afterward, all that’s left is reality.

In that case, What can I do except make a desperate effort?

What can I do except doggedly press on?

If I have time to think about the bygone past, like if I were to have made a different choice back then, I will kill as many titans as possible within my power.

In that time, in that moment, a sudden, ridiculously strong power boils up from inside my body, and then I know what to do.

When that moment comes, I can no longer go back to my old self.

With these blood-stained hands, I accept my new self, I steel myself, and I only do what I must.

Was I correct? Or did I make a mistake? That’s the sort of thing no one knows, so it’s not worth worrying about.

All you can do is keep your mouth shut and make a choice without regrets.

Not understanding things about this world is true for everyone.

So I choose the guy whom I want to put my faith in.

Erwin is like that, too. No one knows what he is really thinking deep down.

But I trust his judgement.

He may be inviting the worst outcome, but he’s not afraid of that, he is able to choose something. That’s the kind of guy he is.

That’s why I chose to follow him. And I chose to fight.

In order to fight against this shit world, with this hand I’ll grab hold of the freedom of going beyond the walls for the first time.

I have chosen for myself.

Even if I am led into hell, I have no regrets.

Not one bit.

A very long time ago @jennthereaper and @simplyn2deep both sent me this prompt, and I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long, but the other day I was finally inspired to take a stab at it. I hope you enjoy!

From The Way You Said “I Love You” 

#26 Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave

Please, Derek, please, I–“ Stiles chokes back the beginnings of tears and clutches harder at the sleeve of Derek’s jacket. He’s on his knees, having tripped in his scramble to get to Derek from the other side of the loft. “I love you, okay? And I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, I’ve been a coward about this whole thing, but I love you. And I know you love me too. I know you do, and I need you not to leave like this, fuck, Derek, please don’t do this.”

Derek stares down at him for a long time, heart clenched in his throat.

And then he looks up at where the other Stiles is pursing his lips in a hard frown as he watches the scene.

“It isn’t real?” Derek asks for the hundredth time since the other Stiles, the real Stiles, showed up in this apparent dreamscape.

Stiles shakes his head stiffly.

The Stiles on the floor is still pleading with him around tears, but the noises of his despair are starting to fade, as if Derek were now hearing him from a distance. Even his heartbeat, a sound that Derek has been clinging to as an anchor for what feels like forever, begins to disappear.

Derek swallows and steels himself against feeling anything more than determination to get through this newest mess.

“What now?” he asks, tone clinical and firm.

Stiles answers him in a similar tone, his expression betraying nothing about what’s going on in his own head. A far cry from the Stiles that Derek first met a couple years ago, terrified and mouthy and young. “Now you wake up.”

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The Game (Ethan Dolan)

Originally posted by punishmedolans

Ethan Dolan was the boy your mother warned you about. He was the bad boy who could lure you in with a single smile. Of course nobody listened to their mother and fell for him anyways. He got what he wanted and then moved on to the next one. I was probably the only one who listened to my mother, and Ethan hated that. I swore to myself I wouldn’t fall for his games, but boy did he try! Grayson was my best friend so every time I went over to their place Ethan was there trying to win me over with his pretty boy charm.

“Gray, I’m here to help you.” I yelled as I entered their apartment.

Grayson texted me this morning asking me to come over and help him edit the new video for their youtube channel. Of course I accepted even though that meant I’d have to deal with Ethan. It wasn’t that I hated Ethan, well never mind I totally hated him.

“I’ve got a problem, can you help me?” Ethan asked suddenly appearing behind me.

I rolled my eyes trying to ignore the obnoxious boy.

“Grayson!” I called again.

“He’s at the warehouse." Ethan said.

I went to walk out of the door but Ethan grabbed my arm.

"He didn’t exactly invite you over today.” He said with that stupid playboy smirk on his face.

“you’ve got to be kidding me.” I groaned feeling the steam come out of my ears.

“I used his phone to text you because I knew you wouldn’t accept my invite but you would accept Grayson’s." Ethan said.

"okay, I’m out of here.” I said rolling my eyes trying to walk away again.

Ethan ran in front of me blocking me from leaving.

“Now that you here why don’t you hang out with me? I mean what could be better than hanging out with Ethan Dolan?” He scoffed fixing the collar of his shirt.

“I could think of a million things better than hanging out with you.” I said crossing my arms over my chest.

Ethan chuckled before flashing his smile. I’ll have to admit his smile was breathtaking that’s probably why all the girls fell for it. I mentally scolded myself for thinking this way.

“Come on Y/N we both know you don’t mean that." Ethan smirked.

"Yes I do now move.” I said getting annoyed now.

“make me move.” He smirked.

“How about I just punch you instead?” I asked putting my hands on my hips.

“feisty, I like it.” He smirked.

“Y/N?”

I turned around relieved to see Grayson who was looking rather confused.

“what are you doing here?” He asked giving me a hug.

“your brother messaged me from your phone saying you needed my help with editing.” I said rolling my eyes.

“guilty.” Ethan smirked.

Grayson rolled his eyes checking his phone.

“don’t worry, I’ll put a lock on my phone so that doesn’t happen again.” Grayson said ignoring Ethan.

“oh come on Gray it was a harmless gesture. I just wanted to hang out with a beautiful girl.” Ethan said raising his hands in defense.

“well now that you’re here want to hang out with just me?” Grayson asked making sure to emphasize the just him part.

I nodded my head following him to his room. Thankfully Ethan got the hint and didn’t follow us.

“I’m sorry about him.” Grayson said turning on Netflix.

“It’s fine Gray, really.” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“He makes me so mad sometimes. He gets all the girls and then he treats them like crap. He’s stolen all of my girlfriends, and now girls only talk to me to get closer to E. Even worse I feel like people only come to our channel for Ethan.” Grayson confessed.

“I hope you know I’m not like that G. I like hanging out with you, just you. Besides the Dolan twins would be nothing without you I mean it’s not called the Ethan Dolan channel.” I said giving him a smile.

“I know, and you have no idea how much you rock for that.” He said giving me a hug.

“so Hawaiian pizza and Netflix?” I asked giving him a smile.

“would we be best friends if we did anything else?” He asked laughing.

Grayson and I watched Netflix and ate pizza for a couple hours before I decided to go home. I gave Grayson a hug before walking out of his bedroom. Ethan sat on the couch with his tongue down some girls throat.

“get a room.” I scoffed covering my eyes.

I heard Ethan laughing as he pulled away from the girl.

“why you jealous?” Ethan asked.

“as if.” I scoffed.

“who’s she?” the girl spoke up.

“oh just some girl who has a huge crush on me but I turned her down.” Ethan told the girl.

“please like you could handle me?” I sassed putting my hands on my hips.

“is that a challenge?” Ethan asked standing in front of me.

Ethan was unbelievably attractive which made me hate him even more. We stared each other down. I wasn’t going to fall in to his trap.

“uh Ethan?” the girl spoke up from the couch.

“not now Natalie.” Ethan said.

“It’s Naomi.” She scoffed.

“I don’t care.” He sassed back.

“You’re pathetic.” I said rolling my eyes at him.

“ouch babe that hurt.” He said putting a hand over his heart.

“congratulations you have a dick, doesn’t mean you have to act like one.” I said glaring at him.

“if I wanted a bitch, I would’ve bought a dog.” Ethan sassed back.

“I’m sorry, was I meant to be offended? The only thing that really irks me is your face.” I said glaring directly at him.

“You’re just jealous because I have a line of girls waiting to be with me.” He said very confidently.

I looked over at Naomi who was just staring uncomfortably.

“Naomi, is it? You might want to get out now, Ethan here thinks it’s cool to break hearts and he feels no remorse about it. He’s a player, and you’re better off without him." I said looking at the girl.

Naomi looked at me and then at Ethan.

"wow clearly you two have some unresolved chemistry, I’m just going to go, bye Ethan.” Naomi said before leaving.

I rolled my eyes. Unresolved chemistry my ass!

“and that’s my cue to leave.” I said walking towards the door but again Ethan stopped me.

“I’m a player huh?” He asked like he didn’t already know.

“you didn’t know, not surprising.” I said rolling my eyes.

“well then, If I’m such a player than let’s play a game. Let’s sweet talk, let’s play fight, let’s talk 24/7, let’s tell each other good morning and goodnight everyday, let’s give each other nicknames, let’s flirt, let’s cuddle, let’s go on dates, let’s hug and kiss, and the first one that falls in love with the other person loses.” Ethan proposed.

I didn’t even have to think about it before answering.

“no way in hell am I doing any of that with you.” I growled.

“why? afraid you’re going to fall in love with me?” He smirked.

Ethan Dolan was not afraid to push my buttons and honestly it was kind of hot. WAIT WHAT ARE YOU SAYING YOU HATE HIM!

“please, the only person falling in love will be you with me.” I said getting in his face.

“then I guess it’s on.” He said getting back in my face.

“oh it’s on, and when you fall in love with me I can’t wait to break your heart and give you a taste of your own medicine.” I seethed.

What in the hell was I agreeing too? Ethan knew that making me mad would work that little asshole! Ethan bit his lip looking at me. Suddenly he put his lips on mine kissing me. I quickly pushed him off giving him a what the hell look.

“I said let’s hug and kiss, you know unless my kissing affects you that much.” He said confidently.

I grabbed the back of his head smashing his lips on mine. He was surprised at first but kissed me back. He licked my lip asking for entrance but I didn’t allow it. Ethan grabbed my butt squeezing it making me gasp. He took that time to slip his tongue in my mouth. Our tongues fought for dominance and surprisingly mine won. I backed Ethan up until he was forced to sit on the couch. I straddled his lap not breaking our kiss. I could feel him growing harder underneath me as I was grinding on his lap. He went to kiss me deeper but I pulled away leaving him wanting more. I got off of his lap now fully seeing how turned on he was.

“oops, did I do that.” I smirked pointing to Ethan’s growing erection.

He rolled his eyes grabbing a pillow to cover his crotch. 

“please, you don’t affect me at all.” Ethan said.

“that says otherwise.” I said grabbing the pillow he was using to cover up how turned on he really was.

He rolled his eyes glaring at me.

“It’s okay, two can play at this game.” He smirked.

“what the hell does that mean?” I asked.

“oh you’ll find out pretty girl. I can’t wait to win this game.” He said standing up.

“well you won’t win so keep on dreaming.” I said glaring at him.

I walked towards the door opening it, waiting for Ethan to say something else but he didn’t. I turned around giving him an annoyed look.

“what no annoying comments?” I asked.

“you’re cute.” Ethan said giving me a smile.

I scoffed rolling my eyes before walking out the door. The worst part was, I felt my heart racing at his words. An that smile, god that smile killed me. I drove home trying to get my mind off of Ethan Dolan. I lied awake fantasizing about his perfect lips. Ethan may be the biggest douche bag to walk this planet but I can’t say he isn’t good at what he does. His lips fit mine so perfectly, it drove me crazy. I woke up the next morning with a text from Ethan.

Ethan: good morning my beautiful princess <3

: your princess? baby boy I don’t belong to anyone.

Ethan: How’d you sleep? Have any dreams about me?

: ha you wish. I didn’t think about you at all, why were you thinking about me?

of course I wouldn’t admit to Ethan that I was up all night thinking about him. His ego is already inflated enough.

Ethan: how could I not think about you? You’re incredibly beautiful and everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl.

I could feel the breath hitch in my throat. Nobody had ever said something that nice too me. I keep forgetting who were talking about here, it’s Ethan Dolan he probably says that to every girl he talks too. Why wasn’t he sassing me back though? It was no fun unless he reacted to it. So many thoughts were swirling in my mind that I realized I hadn’t answered his text.

:how many times have you used that line on a girl.

Ethan: You’re cute when you’re fighting my affection. So ready for our date today?

: date? since when do we have a date?

Ethan: since that was part of the game remember? Don’t worry I already planned everything out, just make sure you wear something casual.

I didn’t know why but a small smile formed on my face as I thought of Ethan planning a date for us.

: ugh fine, when should I be ready?

Ethan: that’s the spirit, and I’ll pick you up in an hour!

I rolled my eyes putting down my phone. What was I getting myself into? I looked through my clothes trying on a couple different outfits. If I were hanging out with Grayson I would just throw on a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. Why was I trying so hard? Since when did I care what Ethan thought about me? Eventually I settled for some white skinny jeans and a black and white crop top with sandals. I finished my look with some light makeup and added a black bow in my hair. My phone lit up with a text from Grayson.

Grayson: hey want to hang out today? Ethan won’t be here, he’s taking some poor girl on a date.“

I felt bad. I was probably the only girl that Grayson talked to anymore and here I was going behind his back with his twin brother.

: sorry Gray, I have plans but maybe later?

Grayson: yeah that sounds great! I’ll message you later! 

I was about to respond when there was a knock on my door. I opened it to reveal a smiling Ethan. He was holding a single rose.

"for you princess.” He said handing me the rose.

I rolled my eyes muttering a thank you. Damn he was really trying. I walked over to my kitchen putting the rose in a vase of water. I was trying not to stare at Ethan but I couldn't deny he looked good. He wore ripped skinny jeans, a fitted t-shirt and his black vans.

“alright let’s just get today over with.” I said blowing a piece of hair from my face.

Ethan smiled extending his hand for me to take. I gave him a look.

“the game is to act like a couple, and couples hold hands.” He said grabbing my hand an intertwining our fingers.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t like it even a little bit. He opened my car door waiting for me to get in. Before he let go of my hand he placed a light kiss on it making me blush ever so slightly. He got in the car starting it up.

“so where are we going on this date, that is totally not a date.” I asked glancing over at him.

“well one it is a date and two it's a surprise.” He said not taking his eyes off the road.

“It’s not a date and I hate surprises.” I muttered.

“It is a date and trust me you’ll like this one.” He said smiling.

I sighed looking out the window. After a couple of minutes of just silence I felt Ethan grab my hand again intertwining our fingers. 

“you look beautiful today, but you look beautiful everyday.” He said finally glancing at me.

Wow. Reading that in a text is one thing, but the words actually coming out of Ethan’s mouth made my heart race. I couldn’t fall for him, and I definitely wasn’t losing this game. I mean that’s what this was all about after all.

“You don’t look too bad yourself Ethan. In fact as soon as I saw you in my doorway I was thinking some impure thoughts.” I purred.

Ethan’s grip on the steering wheel got tighter as he bit his lip. I laughed to myself Y/N one, Ethan zero. I wasn’t done pushing it though. I removed my hand from his and placed it on his thigh. I started rubbing it ever so slightly making him shiver. Ethan gave me a look and honestly I was dying to know what was going on in his head right now.

“you’re trying to kill me Y/N.” Ethan breathed.

“oops.” I smirked moving my hand off his thigh.

He lets out a shaky breath making me laugh again. Ethan was making this too easy.

“and we’re here.” He said pulling the car into a parking lot.

I looked out at the pier surrounded by the beautiful water. I couldn’t fight the smile that appeared on my face. I hated him but he did know how to impress a girl. 

“do you like it?” He asked.

I looked over at him and he was giving me a hopeful look.

“we’ll see.” I said smirking.

He got out of the car running over to my side and opening my door.

“so what are we doing here?” I asked looking at how beautiful the view was.

“well I thought we could take a boat out and have a picnic on the water.” Ethan said grabbing my hand once again.

I felt myself blushing. No one has ever put in this much effort to take me on a date before.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but that actually sounds like fun.” I said looking at him shyly.

“hold on did thee Y/N just compliment me? Hallelujah it’s a great day!” Ethan yelled earning strange looks from other people on the pier.  

“don’t get used to it Dolan.” I said rolling my eyes.

He laughed before walking us down the pier. He held my hand the entire time. I looked up at him feeling my heart race again. Why do the bad boys always look so good? It wasn’t fair. I saw that Ethan was staring back at me.

“take a picture Dolan it will last longer.” I scoffed.

“you know what that’s a great idea.” He said taking his phone out and snapping a picture of me.

“I didn’t mean it literally.” I said laughing a little.

“well I need a picture to prove that angels truly exist.” He smirked bumping his shoulder into mine.

“ooh that was bad E, I thought you had better game than that.” I said laughing at him.

For once his flirting wasn’t annoying the crap out of me.

“oh baby this is just the beginning.” He said.

We arrived at the end of the pier where the boats were parked. Ethan got the boat keys out of his pocket before stepping into a cute little white boat. He held out his hand helping me in, but me being me tripped and fell. Before I could hit the ground I felt two strong arms wrap around me. I looked up to see Ethan smirking.

“looks like you’re already falling for me.” He joked.

I cracked up laughing as I steadied myself.

“now that was better.” I said still laughing.

“you know it’s been five minutes and you haven’t insulted me once.” He said starting up the boat.

“Hey Ethan?” I asked

“what?” He responded.

“you’re an idiot.” I said smirking at him.

“there she is, that’s the girl I know.” He laughed.

He pulled the boat away, speeding across the water. I sat there in silence letting the wind blow through my hair. It was actually kind of peaceful, you know if I wasn’t with Ethan. I couldn’t see any sign of land now, we were just surrounded by water and each other. Ethan stopped the boat just letting it float on the waves. He stared at me as I stared at the view.

“why do you keep doing that.” I asked looking at him.

“doing what?” He asked playing dumb.

“staring at me? and if you say it’s because you think I’m beautiful, I’m going to punch you.” I threatened.

Ethan laughed before looking at me again.

“I guess I’m just trying to figure you out, you’re different, not what I expected.” He said coming over and taking the seat beside me.

“I don’t like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and are disappointed when you change.” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“so if you disappoint them from the start you’re covered.” He said laughing.

“yeah something like that.” I laughed along too.

“well then you screwed up.” Ethan said scooting closer to me.

“how?” I asked.

“well you’ve never disappointed me.” He said dangerously close to my face.

I didn’t know what I was doing, it’s as if I wasn’t in control of my body. Ethan leaned down placing his lips on mine and I let him. This kiss was just as good as the first one. This time however, I was the one licking his lip asking for entrance which of course he allowed. I don’t know what was coming over me but I couldn’t stop myself. Ethan gripped my hips bringing me closer to him. I shivered at his touch on my bare skin. I knew I had to stop this before it went any farther. I placed my hands on his chest pushing him back a little bit.

“we should eat, don’t want that food to go to waste.” I said slowing my breathing.

He nodded his head pulling out the picnic basket. Inside he had all my favorite foods. We ate in silence, the whole time Ethan just stared at me and I stared back at him. I couldn’t help but blush. To be honest, I’ve never even had a boyfriend before and certainly no one who put this much effort in to spending a day with me. I shouldn’t feel special though, I had to remember he was only good at what he does because he's had a lot of practice. I sighed and let my eyes wander out to the water. A pod of dolphins were swimming right near our boat.

“look dolphins!” I said rushing towards the side of the boat.

I watched the dolphins swim gracefully through the water. Ethan got up joining me too.

“wow it’s beautiful.” Ethan said admiring the sea creatures.

I looked over at Ethan, he looked like a little boy seeing something for the first time, for once he had real emotion behind his eyes. Suddenly a rough wave hit the side of the boat sending me straight in the water. I started to panic, I couldn’t swim. I struggled in the water before I felt myself slowly sinking.

“Y/N!” Ethan screamed.

 He ripped his shirt off before diving in the water. He grabbed me by my waist pulling my head above water.

“Ethan I can’t swim.” I cried out.

“It’s okay I got you.” He said swimming towards the boat.

Ethan pushed me back up on the boat before pulling himself up. He rushed over taking my face in his hands.

“are you okay.” He asked stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.

I coughed up a little bit of water before nodding my head slowly. I felt embarrassed.  

“you scared the hell out of me do you know that?” Ethan said looking in my eyes.

I looked back in his eyes. They looked genuine, like he was really worried about me. Maybe I had him all wrong. Maybe he wasn’t the terrible person I made him out to be. Maybe I was the terrible person.

“I would’ve let me drown if I were you, from how mean I’ve been to you.” I said giving him a small smile, my voice still a little hoarse.

“what are you crazy? then I would have to start taking out girls who actually like me.” He joked sitting beside me.

“please like you could find any.” I said laying my head on his shoulder.

“see who needs affection when you have blind hatred.” He said wrapping an arm around me.

“you know I don’t actually hate you right?” I said lifting my head to look at him.

“honestly you could’ve fooled me.” He said looking down at me.

“I just think it isn’t fair that you make girls fall for you and then crush them by moving on to someone else. You know you can get any girl you want and you use that to your advantage.” I said honestly.

Ethan looked down at his feet like he was contemplating what I had just said.

“You’re right I am an asshole and a player but it’s only because I know what I want. I’m looking for something real and all the girls I’ve been with haven’t been real with me. They only want to be with me because they think I’m good looking, or because they like guys that are muscular, or because Gray and I are famous now. Nobody has ever liked me for me, so I feel like I have to put on this bad boy act to keep myself from getting hurt.” He admitted still looking down at the ground.

Wow. I didn’t think there was any depth to Ethan but here he was pouring his heart out to me.

“Ethan, I don’t know what to say.” I admitted looking at the boy.

“plus, I can’t get any girl I want. I want you and you seem to be quite the challenge.” He said smirking.

I rolled my eyes, gosh he was cheesy.

“I’m not an easy prize to be won Ethan Dolan you’ll have to try harder than that.” I said laughing. 

“not everyone can be an expert at love Y/N.” He said looking at me.

I was the one looking at my feet now.

“actually, I’ve never even had a boyfriend.” I said looking up at his surprised face.

“wait you’re serious?” He said still in shock.

“Is it that surprising?” I asked suddenly feeling self conscious.

“well yeah, I mean you’re perfect. You’re beautiful, smart, and funny. Any guy would be crazy not to want to go out with you.” He said.

I could feel the heat return to my cheeks.

“do you really mean that Ethan, or are you just saying that to win the game?” I said laughing a little.

“I mean every single word." 

He leaned down quickly pecking me on the lips. It was simple but I think that was my favorite kiss we shared only because it was full of raw emotion. Ethan and I just sat and talked for what felt like hours. We told each other embarrassing stories from when we were little and talked about our favorite things. I didn’t realize how late it had gotten until my phone lit up with a text from Grayson.

Grayson: are you done with your thing? I’m bored and need my best friend. Ethan hasn’t texted me either, it must be going well with the girl. Poor, stupid girl doesn’t know what she’s getting in to.

"oh no!” I said looking at my phone.

“what’s wrong?” Ethan asked.

“I told Grayson we could hang out later tonight.” I said.

Ethan looked out at the water clenching his jaw.

“so you and Grayson huh.” He said still looking at the water.

“why are you jealous?” I asked smirking.

“no, why would I be jealous. This is a game remember. I could care less who you talk too.” He snapped starting up the boat.

I was taken back. What happened to the sweet boy from a couple of seconds ago?

“clearly someone is on their period.” I said rolling my eyes.

“whatever.” Ethan growled.

We sat in silence the rest of the way back to the pier. He stopped the boat hopping out to the pier. He didn’t wait for me and started to walk away. I can’t believe how ignorant he was being! I jumped out of the boat nearly falling in the water again. I had to run down the pier to keep up with him. He got in the car slamming the door shut.

“what is your problem?” I snapped.

“I don’t have a problem.” He snapped back.

I rolled my eyes turning away from him. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I was starting to believe he wasn’t a complete asshole but he just ruined that. He took the turn to go to his house making me alarmed.

“where are you going?” I asked.

“to our house, you said your hanging out with Grayson.” He growled.

“No you have to take me home first, I can’t show up with you then he’ll know that you took me on a date.” I said turning towards him.

Ethan had a hard look in his eyes and he was still clenching his jaw.

“what don’t want to be seen with me?” Ethan snapped.

“actually no, I don’t.” I sassed back.

Ethan rolled his eyes before turning around and driving to my house. He pulled up at my house not saying anything. I gave him a look before getting out. He pulled away quickly speeding down the road. I quickly ran in changing my outfit, throwing one of the sweatshirts Grayson gave me over my head. I go back outside getting in my car and heading over to Grayson’s. I arrived shortly but Ethan’s car wasn’t there. I shrugged my shoulders getting out of the car and walking in the apartment.

“you’re here!” Grayson said running over to give me a hug.

I smiled returning his hug.

“how was your day?” He asked putting some popcorn in the microwave.

“I don’t know honestly.” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“how don’t you know?” He asked laughing.

“Grayson it’s so complicated I don’t even understand it.” I said joining in on his laughter.

He pulled out the popcorn, walking in to their living room. I followed him sitting on the couch.

“It’s your turn to pick a movie.” He said tossing me the remote.

I smiled at him scrolling through the Netflix movies.

“by the way nice sweatshirt.” He said throwing a piece of popcorn at me.

I scoffed before getting a piece and throwing it back at him. Soon Grayson and I had got in a huge food fight. Before I could throw another piece at him he tackled me off the couch on the floor. He was sitting on me while holding my arms above my head.

“get off of me you loser.” I laughed struggling under him.

“not until you say that I’m the greatest.” Grayson said laughing too.

Grayson and I just had a naturally playful relationship, but I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend and as far as I know he didn’t see me as anything more than a friend either.

“my mother told me to never tell a lie Dolan.” I smirked sticking my tongue out at him.

Grayson was about to respond when the front door slammed open. Ethan walked in followed by a girl I had never seen before.

“get a room.” He growled at me and Grayson.

Grayson got off of me giving me a hand up.

“who’s this?” Grayson asked gesturing towards the girl.

“Victoria.” Ethan said simply looking at me.

“It’s Vanessa.” She said giving Ethan a dirty look.

“oh well Hi Vanessa, Y/N and I are watching a movie out here.” Grayson said looking at Vanessa and then his twin.

“I love movies.” Vanessa said looking at Ethan.

“I guess we’re watching a movie then.” Ethan said.

I looked at Grayson rolling my eyes. The last thing I wanted was to watch Ethan stick his tongue down some other girls throat, like who the hell did he think he was. He was the sweetest person earlier and now he was bringing home some girl. I sound jealous, I am most definitely not jealous. I really need to stop.

“well it’s Y/N’s turn to pick a movie.” Grayson said sitting on the one side of the couch.

Ethan sat down pulling Vanessa in to his lap. I picked a random movie before sitting down beside Grayson.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t how I wanted tonight to go.” Grayson whispered in my ear for only me to hear.

I gave him a smile before laying my head on his shoulder. Grayson wrapped an arm around me pulling me closer to him.

“you really have to stop apologizing for your brothers stupidity.” I whispered before laughing.

Grayson busted out laughing making Ethan look over at us. I looked at him giving him a smirk. Suddenly Ethan grabbed Vanessa, kissing her roughly. She immediately kissed back starting a full blown make out session between the two. He was trying to make me jealous, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I ignored him, giving all my attention to Grayson. Eventually the movie became something in the background, Grayson and I were making fun of each other and just telling silly jokes to make each other laugh.

“tell me Gray, how many times did your mom drop E on his head when he was a baby?” I asked giggling.

I doubt Ethan heard me seeing as he was too busy making out with Vanessa.

“oh, way too many times to count.” Grayson said making me laugh even more.

“I don’t think Vanessa is very smart either.” I joked looking at the girl.

“I’ve probably met rocks smarter than that girl. Plus she has to be pretty dumb to go out with Ethan.” Grayson said which caused another fit of laughter from the both of us.

“I mean he forgot her name, who sticks around after that!” I exclaimed.

“I don’t know, obviously Victoria.” He said.

I couldn’t stop laughing. Grayson was just that person that you couldn’t be upset when you were around him. I was truly thankful for that!

“I’ll be right back G.” I said getting up.

I went to the restroom using it quickly. I washed my hands before walking out. As soon as I opened the door Ethan was standing there with an angry look on his face. 

“what’s so funny?” He asked.

I looked up at him smirking.

“wouldn’t you like to know?” I sassed.

He growled pushing me back in the bathroom before closing the door.

“How’s Victoria?” I asked purposefully getting her name wrong.

“she’s great, probably the best kisser I’ve ever met.” He said glaring at me.

“so that’s why you can’t remember her name right?” I smirked again.

He clenched his jaw, getting upset.

“look just stop flirting with Grayson, it’s getting annoying.” He growled looking at me.

“you’re not my boss, so I can do whatever I feel like. Besides you said yourself it’s just a game remember.” I growled back at him.

“why do you have to be so complicated?” He growled.

“Me? You’re the one that said all this stuff on our date and then started acting like a dick out of nowhere. Than you bring some stupid girl home and spend the whole time with your tongue down her throat, now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to get back to my friend!” I said pushing Ethan out of the way and exiting the bathroom.

Who the hell did he think he was? He couldn’t tell me what to do! Why was he acting like this? I sat back down next to Grayson still wrapping my head around everything.

“uh what happened to you?” Grayson asked looking at me.

I was about to respond when Ethan stormed in the room.

“I’m sorry Victoria, I need you to leave.” He said pointing to the door.

Grayson looked at me giving me a confused look. Vanessa got up stopping in front of Ethan. She slapped him hard on the cheek.

“It’s Vanessa, and by the way I was only with you because you’re famous!” She said before storming out of their apartment.

Ethan stood by the door breathing heavily.

“should I leave?” I asked Grayson who was staring at Ethan.

“No, wouldn’t want to ruin your date!” Ethan snapped.

Grayson and I looked at each other before busting up laughing making Ethan even angrier.

“Ethan we are not on a date. Y/N is my friend, we always have movie nights, but we aren’t on a date.” Grayson said looking at a dumbfounded Ethan. 

“I really should head out Gray, it’s getting late. Goodbye Grayson.” I said standing up and giving him a hug.

I walked past Ethan giving him a smirk.

“goodnight Ethan.” I said giving a fake smile.

“why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like Grayson like that?” He whispered staring me down.

“you never asked. so next time instead of being jealous and turning into a gigantic asshole, just talk to me.” I said patting his arm.

I walked out of their apartment immediately pulling out my phone and sending a quick text to Ethan.

: you’re making winning this game too easy, better step up your game Dolan. I think I have a new name for you, Mr. I’m Jealous.

I laughed getting a quick response from Ethan.

Ethan: I wasn’t jealous.

: Sure Jan.

Ethan: I wasn’t!

: and I quote “stop flirting with Grayson, it’s getting annoying.”

Ethan: fine, I may have been a little jealous…

: a little?

Ethan: look I already admitted I was jealous.

: I know, I’m just having way too much fun with making you fall for me.

Ethan: you just wait darling, I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve that will have to begging to be my girlfriend.

: Sure Jan.

I laughed as I pulled in to my apartment complex. I stared at my phone waiting for Ethan to text back. I took a deep breath realizing what I was doing. You Like Him my subconscious screamed. I don’t like him! or do I? I can’t like him, he was no good for me, I would just end up getting my heart broken. But the way he saved you from drowning today, and he was so worried about you my subconscious argued making me scream. My phone lit up snapping me out of my thoughts. I ran over picking it up, hoping it was Ethan. wait what? I looked to see it was just Gray.

Grayson: what the hell was up with Ethan tonight?

: on his period probably?

Grayson: I mean he’s just never acted that way with a girl before. If I didn’t know any better I’d say Ethan likes you.

I nervously laughed looking at the text. I wanted to tell Grayson about the game and our date today but I knew he’d be really hurt.

: ha, that’s a good joke G.

Grayson: I know right? I’m shuddering at the thought of you and Ethan together!

I took a deep breath, would it really be so bad? I mentally scolded myself, I don’t even know who I am anymore!  

: oh gosh me too that’s gross!

Grayson: well I’m glad you haven’t fallen for Ethan’s stupid game. I’ll text you tomorrow, got to get my beauty sleep! goodnight Y/N!

: goodnight G!

I didn’t get any sleep that night though. “I’m glad you haven’t fallen for Ethan’s stupid game.” replayed in my head and tormented me all night. I wasn’t sure if I did or not, I mean I agreed to his game but was I really falling for the boy I swore I never would fall for? I woke up to a loud knocking on my door making me groan. I got up quickly checking myself in the mirror before opening the door. Ethan stood their smiling and holding another rose.

“what are you doing here?” I asked stepping aside so he could come in.

“thought I’d come make you breakfast.” He said walking inside carrying a little bag.

“you want to make me breakfast?” I asked giving him a look.

“as an apology, you know for being such an ass last night.” He said sitting the bag on my kitchen counter.

“yeah, you were an ass last night.” I said stifling a laugh.

“I thought we got past this!” He said laughing a little too.

“it depends what are you making me for breakfast?” I asked hopping up and sitting on the counter.

“pancakes with fruit!” He said pulling the ingredients out of the bag.

“than I might just accept your apology.” I said laughing.

Ethan started making pancakes while making small talk. He was interrupted by his phone ringing.

“hey can you get that for me?” He asked looking at his messy hands.

I laughed picking up his phone and answering it.

“hello?” I said in the phone.

“Y/N?”  Grayson’s voice rang from the other end.

I mentally started to panic. I didn’t want Grayson to find out, at least not in this way!

“what are you doing with Ethan’s phone?” He asked accusingly.

come on Y/N think of plausible lie!

“he uh came over to apologize for last night and left his phone here.” I lied easily. 

“oh, well when he realizes he’s missing it tell him to call me.” Grayson said thankfully buying my lie.

“will do Gray!” I said hoping to end the call.

“okay thanks, see you soon.” He said

“yeah, bye.” I said hanging up.

I sighed in relief looking up at Ethan who was now just staring at me.

“don’t give me that look, it’s complicated okay.” I said handing Ethan his phone.

“wasn’t going too.” He said smirking.

I sighed sitting back on the counter. I felt like a terrible friend.

“you didn’t even say anything about my lock screen.” Ethan said tossing me his phone.

I caught his phone hitting the home button. I blushed as I saw the picture he took of me on the pier as his background.


“It really is a cute picture.” He said taking the pancakes out of the skillet.

He put my pancake on a plate before handing it to me to decorate with fruit and whipped cream.

“you’re ridiculously cheesy do you know that?” I asked him laughing.

“but ridiculously cute too right?” He asked getting his pancake too.

I put all sorts of fruit on mine before grabbing the can of whip cream. I squeezed the top of it but nothing was coming out. I furiously shook it while holding down the button. Whip cream shot out of that can getting all over Ethan. I cracked up laughing looking at a whipped cream covered Ethan.

“come here babe.” He said reaching out for me.

“No!” I said running away from him.

Ethan chased me through the living room eventually trapping me.

“Ethan please it was an accident.” I said laughing.

“I just want a kiss babe.” Ethan said leaning in.

He kissed me getting whipped cream all over me too. I kissed him back, cupping his cheek with my hand even though it was covered in whip cream too. Ethan pulled away smiling at me.

“let’s get cleaned up and enjoy our pancakes.” He said smiling.

We wiped off all the whipped cream before sitting down with our pancakes.

“so why don’t you want Grayson to know you’re with me?” Ethan asked breaking the silence.

I took a deep breath looking at Ethan.

“don’t just tell me it’s complicated, explain to me why it’s complicated.” He said staring me down.

I didn’t know if I should tell him. I feel like that is something personal Grayson told me that I shouldn’t share with his twin.

“Grayson is my friend, and he feels that you steal a lot of what he has. He also feels like people only talk to him to get closer to you. It would hurt him to find out about this.” I said not being able to look at Ethan.

Ethan doesn’t respond immediately which makes me worried.

“I’m a bad brother.” Ethan says looking up at me.

“you’re not a bad brother, you just need to reconnect with him.” I said grabbing Ethan’s hand across the table.

“how do I do that?” Ethan asked.

“hang out with him, talk to him, let him know you’re still here for him.” I said giving him a smile.

“you’re incredible do you know that?” Ethan said smiling.

“and so are these pancakes.” I said taking another bite.

Ethan laughed finishing his pancakes as well. When we were done, Ethan helped me clean up the kitchen.

“I should probably call Grayson.” Ethan said putting the last plate away.

“yeah you should, and spend the day with him if you want, I’m not going anywhere.” I said smiling at him.

Ethan stared at me just smiling.

“you know after this game is over we might just be friends.” Ethan said pulling me in to a hug.

“in your dreams E.” I laughed hugging him back.

I didn’t want to be friends. I wanted to be so much more than that. I sighed as Ethan walked out of my apartment. He was winning this game, and honestly at this point I was letting him.

part two

An All-Inclusive Guide to Making Your First Year in Practice Not Suck As Much As Wayfaring’s

Hi there, just curious if you’d share what things you were looking for in your first job vs what things you value now, now that you’ve been working out there on your own. Anything that must be in the contract that wasn’t there before (or vice versa)? Tips for future graduating residents?

Yaaaaasssss so many advices. So many things. This ask has been in my inbox for months because I have too many things to say about it and I can’t seem to organize it properly. 

Let’s break it down into 3 sections: 1) What I thought I wanted 2) What I needed and didn’t know to ask/look for 3) What I want now. Here goes.

What I thought I wanted:

  • big dolla$$$
  • super sweet signing bonus
  • moving allowance
  • loan repayment assistance
  • regular 40 hour work schedule
  • nice patients
  • independence / autonomy in decisionmaking
  • ability to practice the way I was trained - with up to date guidelines and procedures and equipment


What I wanted and didn’t know to ask for:

  • Supportive colleagues - In your first year of practice out of residency you lose every ounce of confidence that you gained as a senior resident. You question minor decisions and are constantly afraid of killing people or being sued. It is extra hard to practice in a new town when your partners in practice are not supportive. Sometimes you need someone to lay a fresh set of eyes on a wonky EKG or a weird rash, you know? I didn’t have that option. It made me study harder and somewhat be more cautious and definitely more creative in my practice. But having a colleague to commiserate with at the end of the day or to consult on difficult cases would have been really nice. You don’t have to be BFFs with your colleagues, but they have to be people you can agree/get along with and trust to take care of your patients in your absence.
  • Friends - This sounds obvious, but I moved to a new town that literally has no people anywhere close to my age. Even having one person I knew and could confide in would have been wonderful. One person to go to a movie with or watch a football game with would have been a sanity saver for me. Find a place where you can find other people like you. 
  • A reasonable amount of time off - I got less time off in my first job than I did as a resident. That was unacceptable to me. This would be fine if my practice didn’t act like they were going to go bankrupt if I took an unpaid day or even a half day to go to the doctor, but they did. You need a place where you can take one week off every 3-4 months if possible, even if all that time isn’t paid. Medicine is such a stressful job. Make sure they’re giving you rest time.
  • A non-toxic work environment - I knew going into my job that I was replacing a workaholic and that I was joining a workaholic. What I didn’t realize was that I was also expected to be a workaholic and anything less than killing myself was seen as laziness. Pay attention to the culture at your new job. Ask the docs what they do for fun or to relax and more importantly when the last time was they did that thing. If they don’t have any answers, they’re too busy. 
  • Diversity. This may just be me, but I went into family medicine because I get bored easily. I need variety of patient types and disease types and socioeconomic groups and everything else. I realized quickly in my practice that most of my patients were privately insured elderly white people. As in, the most boring demographic for Wayfaring
  • A Balanced schedule. I figured that when I joined a practice that had been established for 30 years that the workflow kinks would have been worked out and it would run like a well oiled machine. In reality I would have 8 physicals a day and 5 of my most complicated patients in hospital follow ups back to back, all scheduled for just 15 minutes. There has to be balance in the schedule. You have to be able to take a little extra time here and make it up elsewhere. 


What I want now: 

  • fair dolla$$$. In actuality, what’s fair is actually considerably more than what I was making in my first job. I was grossly underpaid, particularly considering this being a rural area where nobody wants to work (typically those jobs are paid much higher). It’s not about the bottom dollar value for me. It’s about compensating me in a way that is comparable to my peers. 
  • Colleagues who can be both friends and mentors. See above. 
  • Good benefits. Two years of no dental or vision sucks when your most expensive problems are dental and vision related. Life insurance and retirement plans aren’t something most 30 year olds think of, but they’re really important, and I didn’t have those to start with. 
  • A flexible schedule. The whole world doesn’t need to fall apart if I need to switch my regular day off or if I need a half day to go to the doctor. 
  • Administrative time. Preferably a full week day, but a half day is great too. I’m happy working 4 10 or 12 hour days a week to have one week day off to catch up on work I’m behind on or get my hair cut and get my taxes done and see my psychiatrist, you know?
  • Knowledgeable and helpful staff. I need staff who don’t perpetuate old wives’ tales and notions like “you need a zpack for that cold”. I need to work with people who will ask if they don’t understand something rather than just make something up and who can help me educate my patients. I need folks who are prompt and who can anticipate some needs. 
  • To not be responsible for other peoples’ paychecks. In private practice, if I take time off or scale back, the practice loses money and thus our staff lose hours or money too. The staff in my first job were horribly underpaid and I don’t like the idea of the entire burden of the practice’s finances hanging on my shoulders. Sign me up for that hospital-owned practice, please.
  • To not have to turn patients away based on payer source. This is a national problem and is definitely not limited to my first job. But my first job wouldn’t let me take Medicaid patients at all. It made it completely impossible for me to build any sort of pediatric or OB practice in our town. I don’t like the idea of turning away a patient because their type of insurance doesn’t pay as well. I want to just treat patients and not have to worry about their payments. Hello, single payer healthcare system. Get on it! Obviously I will still have to worry about whether my patient can afford their meds or whether their insurance will cover their meds, but I won’t have to pick and choose what patients I accept based on their payer source. 
  • To deliver quality, up to date care. To work with people who will back up my evidence-based decisions and not practice based on feelings and patient satisfaction. To work with people who will encourage me to learn more and do new things. 

There you have it folks. A lil summary of what I want, what you might want, and what I’ve learned in these first (almost) 2 years of practice. Here’s to better future jobs for us all!

How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*
Another 100 Random RP Starters

- does include some swearing; feel free to edit when sending in an ask to fit character’s speech

  • “No. No, no, no. Don’t you dare try to pin the blame on me.”
  • “Did you even bother to think about the consequences?”
  • “Listen here you useless paperclip!”
  • “Meerkats are murderous little bastards.”
  • “For the record, I hate everything.”
  • “Do you even remember me?”
  • “Did you know the guy who wrote Sherlock Holmes may have killed a man?”
  • “I’m going to join NASA and fling myself into the sun.”
  • “I hope you know what you’re getting into.”
  • “Please don’t. Just… don’t.”

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Get the Girl [Klaus Mikaelson x Reader]

Requested: no

Summary: (Y/n) Salvatore is kidnapped by Klaus while Elena is kidnapped by Rebekah. The Salvatore must choose between which of the two lives and comes back while the other dies. They pick Elena and (Y/n) feels betrayed. Klaus takes pity on her and spares her life on the condition that she live with Mikaelsons. She accepts and bonds with the family, especially with Klaus.

Word count: 3358

Warnings: swearing, Salvatores being jerks

Request HERE.

Originally posted by malachaisangel

You walked down the stairs of the Salvatore boarding house in your pajamas to find your brothers and their friends scheming.

You rolled your eyes, there was always something wrong in Mystic Falls, and the people in the living room were always involved somehow, “What is it this time?” you asked, sitting down beside Damon.

“We may or may not have pissed of Klaus Mikaelson by killing his big brother Finn.” Your brother, Stefan said, “And we’re trying to anticipate what he is going to do in return.” Damon finished.

“Really, you guys? I have an idea! Let’s piss off the Original fucking Hybrid by killing his Original brother. That will not at all have negative side effect that could kill us all!” you raised your hands in the air and looked at your raven-haired brother skeptically, “And you just had to kill Finn, of all of them. The least dangerous one to us! Why not someone Rebekah? She’s much more of a threat! And she’s closer to Klaus. You can’t even do something stupid correctly!” You put your head in your hands, “I can to this right now, I need a drink, or drinks.” You said before getting up and making coffee, adding a hint of alcohol in the mug.

You walked back to them and spoke again, “Well, since you’re already in this shit, I might as well help you guys.”

“No, you aren’t. You are staying very calmly in this house, not going out until we are done with this Mikaelson situation.” Damon said, Stefan nodded behind him.

You threw them a shocked and annoyed look, “Are you guys serious? I know I was turned a bit later than you but I’m still a 160 years old vampire. I’m pretty sure I have as much a capacity to defend myself than Matty-boy over there.” You nodded your head towards the blue-eyed boy.

“Fine, then you can defend yourself here.” Damon replied.

You knew that your brother was stubborn but you were too, “But-”

“No buts, (Y/n). You are staying here, end of story!” Stefan intervened.

Once Stefan entered the fight, it was over, two against one, victory was impossible for you, “Fine!” you yelled, admitting defeat. You stormed back up the stairs, furious.

You decided that, since you couldn’t do anything, you would eavesdrop on their plan. They were going to… use Caroline as bait for Klaus and… verify if they were from his bloodline… You couldn’t be bothered to listen to the rest due to rage against your brothers not letting you go with them. Although, you heard that Elena had also been placed under house arrest, your brother, as much as you loved them, were a real pain in the ass.

You heard them all leave and you ran down the stairs, grabbing your jean jacket when a figure stood before you, “Just the one I was looking for.” He smirked.

Your eyes widened, not expecting this, “Niklaus Mikaelson, I presume? Elena and her protection squad just left. You can go find them elsewhere, I really need to go so, excuse me.” You said before trying to move past him.

He stepped in front of you, blocking your path, “You are not afraid, interesting.” You looked at him straight in the eye, “My dear sister Rebekah is… taking care of Elena. I, on the other hand, am here for you.” Your eyebrows raised in confusion, “I am sorry but, I have to do this.” He said before planting a vervain-filled needle in your neck. You yelled in pain before blacking out.

Your eyes opened, your blurry vision clearing up little by little. You groaned, you tried to move your arms but they were tied behind your chair by a vervain-laced rope, as well as your feet. You were sitting in a wooden chair, in an unfamiliar house. Paintings decorated the walls, you were face to face with a large fireplace, your chair was on a red carpet with an abstract pattern on it. You thought hard about where you could possibly be when your memories of your encounter with the Original Hybrid came to your mind.

“That little shit.” you groaned.

“Ah! You’re awake, love. Good, Bekah and I were about to call your brothers.” You swiveled your head to the right when the British accent spoke.

“Niklaus.” You whispered, “What do you want with me?” you asked.

“You are a what I love the most: revenge.” He grinned maliciously.

“I’m kinda lost here, you know? I’m not a mind reader. What are you going do? What is the great Originals’ evil plan?” you asked.

He laughed at your unwavering snarky personality, “I might as well tell you to pass the time. He shrugged, “Once upon a time, two vampire brothers and his friends decided to annoy a very strong vampire-werewolf hybrid by killing his vampire brother.” You rolled your eyes at how he decided to tell his ‘tale’, “This hybrid and his sister, another vampire, agreed to take their revenge. They knew that the best way to hurt them was to hurt the ones they love.” He continued, leaning towards you, “Their sister and the girl they both loved. Each sibling kidnapped one of the girls and took them somewhere no one could find unless the location was given to them. Both siblings were going to call one brother at the same time, telling them that they had one of their loved ones. They would torture the girls over the phone and force them to pick one.” He grinned, while you were struggling to get out of your chair, “They would be given the location of the girl they would choose and the other one would be kept, or killed.”

When he was done, his phone beeped, signaling that he had received a text, he looked up at you, smiling and stood up, “It’s time, little one.”

He dialed a number and nearly immediately, Damon’s voice could be heard, “Where are they!?” you heard him yell into the phone.

“Calm down mate. Is your brother with you?” he asked, a smirk plastered on his face.

“Yes.” He grunted.

“He should be on the phone right now. Put yours on speaker.” Klaus ordered.

“Why?” Damon asked.

“Because, I have your sister and a stake in my hand.” He wasn’t lying, he held a large piece of wood in his right hand.

You heard your brother making a sound of discontent before the sound of his phone being put down and being on speaker phone, Klaus did the same, allowing you to hear everything more clearly, without having to strain your vampire hearing.

“Hello Nik.” Rebekah’s voice said.

“Hello Bex. Do you think we should explain to the Salvatore brother what is going on?” he asked her.

“Yes, good idea brother, they must be so lost. I must say boys, placing your loved ones under house arrest made the whole kidnapping thing so much easier.” You could practically hear her grinning.

You brothers tried to intervene but Klaus tutted them, “You do not understand, you are not in charge in this situation. Don’t speak unless spoken to. So, here’s what’s going to happen, Salvatores.” He started. Afterwards, he told them what he had just told you. He finished his story too dramatically in your opinion, “So, Salvatores, who’s it going to be? Elena Gilbert, the girl loved by both, or (Y/n) Salvatore, the sister?”

Damon didn’t completely believe him, “You’re bluffing, you won’t hurt Elena, she’s the only way you can make hybrids, Klaus.”

Klaus laughed, “Her body has enough blood to make quite a few more hybrids. If I drain her whole body of blood, and my hybrids survive long enough, I’ll have the time to find the new doppelgänger and use her blood.

Silence. “Sister, I think we should give them a little…” he paused, walking towards you, “encouragement.” He finished before stabbing you in the thigh.

You yelled in pain, blood dripping down your jeans. Your brothers called your name but were interrupted by Elena’s scream of pain and she caught his attention, they kept asking her if she was okay and what had happened.

You realized what was going to happen, tears started streaming down your face while Klaus spoke again, “Pick. You have five seconds until they both die.”

You could feel your brothers’ doubt and whispered, “I get it guys, always get the girl, no matter the price, right?” Knowing that your brothers could hear you.

“We’re sorry (Y/n).” Stefan said before announcing Elena’s name.

You let out a sob. Klaus hung up and walked towards you. You raised to tear-stained face and your (e/c) orbs met his dark ones, if you were going to die, you were going to do it with dignity, “Well, Niklaus Mikaelson, here comes the time when death comes back after I cheated it. I die without anything left but my pride.” You closed your eyes, waiting for death to come.

“I have a few things to ask first.” He said, your eyes opened, “Tell me your story and I’ll tell you mine.”

“Okay…” you said, having nothing to lose, “Well, I was 7 years old when Stefan and Damon were turned, my mother died when I was two years old. I had a friend who was a vampire and, when I got consumption, she fed me her blood to ease the pain. There was no more space in my hospital so the doctors decided to ‘terminate’ the terminal patients and I was killed, with her blood in my system. Thus, began my life of vampirism.” You continued, telling him about everything like how you reunited with Damon when you were thrown in the Augustine prison, they had moved you to another facility and how you escaped. You had returned to Mystic Falls after hearing about the animal attack and saw your brothers again. You spilled everything about yourself to the man who was going to kill you.

In return, you learned the whole tale of the big bad Original Hybrid, Klaus Mikaelson. “You are the only one in the world to know my whole story, (Y/n). Please, do not share it with anyone.” He smiled, genuine, kind smile.

You looked at him, confusion in your eyes, “I won’t be able if you kill me.”

“Did you know that you’re the only person other than my family who calls me by my full name?” he asked.

Why wasn’t he answering you? Why did he ask you that?

“No, I didn’t.” you replied, wondering where this conversation was going.

“I like it. But, I must admit,” he leaned towards you, untying your arms and legs from the chair, “I’d rather you call me Nik when we’re alone.”

You had no idea what he was doing or what was happening.

“I have to admit Nikl-” he raised his eyebrows at you, “Nik” you corrected yourself, “I don’t completely understand what is happening right now.”

“I’m not killing you, love.” Relief flushed over you. He lifted his index finger, “On one condition.” You nodded, “You stay with us. I like you and you did not deserve to be treated as such by your own family. I am sure you will get along with the rest of my family, especially Rebekah. We could be your new family, if you’d like. Also, you wouldn’t be able to go out here in Mystic Falls, I can’t lose my reputation of being a man of my word when it comes to threats.”

You got up and grinned, “Don’t worry, I completely understand. Anyways, I don’t want to see any of them.”

You were talking with Klaus. Suddenly, the door opened, you listened the clicking of heels until a blonde-haired form stood in front of you. “Really, Nik? You couldn’t kill her?” Rebekah asked her brother.

“Oh, don’t worry Bekah, I sure you will find her quite fun to be around. I’ll leave you two alone, don’t kill her.” He stood up and left the room.

“So…” Rebekah started. The conversation was small talk at first but, then you got into the good stuff and grew close. Bonding about how annoying being the little sister was.

______________

You kept your promise to Klaus, you had been staying with the Mikaelsons for over three months getting along well with all of them. You had just come back from a shopping spree in the town next door with Rebekah and dropped off your bags in your room. You were headed to the living room when you passed an open door. You had always seen it closed during your time here. Curious, you pushed it open and found a room full of canvasses, some covered in paint, others partly and the rest blank, untouched. You walked around the room amazed by their beauty, you noticed that the style was similar to that of the paintings that hung in the living room.

You heard footsteps coming from behind you. You turned around and saw the Original Hybrid leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, “Did you paint these?” you asked, gesturing to the canvasses surrounding you, “They’re absolutely marvelous.”

He smiled, “Thank you, love. I find that painting calms me. It has been my hobby for quite some time now.” You smiled back at him, “Well, my arrival doesn’t stop you from looking around darling, go on.” He urged. You blushed slightly and walked around the large room.

“Are you really so arrogant that you just have to hang your own paintings in the house?” you said, returning to your snarky self.

Klaus laughed, “And the moment is officially ruined, love.”

“Firstly, what moment? Secondly, what did I tell you about calling me love and darling? I am not Caroline or any of Damon’s and Stefan’s friends.” You said, still walking around the room.

Your eyes fell upon a painting covered by a white sheet. Interested, your reached towards the sheet.

Meanwhile, Klaus spoke again, “Fine, (Y/n). I won’t call you by anything else than your name are you happy?”

“Yes, quite.” You replied. You grabbed the sheet and pulled it, revealing the painting. Behind you, Klaus’s eyes widened as he ran towards you, but it was too late, you were already staring at it.

It was a portrait on a white background. The painting was a girl with (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair. Your mouth opened slightly in realization. Klaus had painted you. It was beautiful, bringing out your more significant traits, the white background giving you an angelic look. He had managed to represent you perfectly, it felt like watching yourself in a mirror.

You turned around to the Original, “You painted me.” You said, still in shock.

“Yes, I did. Quite obvious, isn’t it?” He said, taking a step towards you.

You didn’t move, “Why did you paint me?” you asked.

“You’re beautiful, (Y/n). How could I not paint you? And, when you decide to leave us for your true family, I’ll have something to remember you by.” This time, it was your turn to look up at him. You were nearly touching.

You looked up at him and cupped his cheek with one of your hands, “It’s a lovely painting, Niklaus. But, you’ll never have a use for it ‘cause I’ll be with you until the end of time.”

You leaned towards him and he did the same. Your lips touched and fireworks exploded on your lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you draped your arms around his shoulders. Both your lips fit together like pieces of a puzzle. You pulled away, a smile etched on your face. He grinned at you. Your arms still wrapped against each other.

“What you say about a date, Nik?” you asked.

“I would like that very much.” He replied.

“Now aren’t you glad that you were a creep and painted me?” you joked.

“This is what I mean by ‘ruining the moment’, love.” He said, kissing the top of your head.

“Well, I’ve got to go, I have to see Rebekah about her newest crush Matt.” You told, pecking his lips and leaving a smitten Klaus Mikaelson alone in the room.

______________

You and Klaus had been dating for a month and a half and your relationship was still going strong. Everything had been going great until Tyler formed a rebellion of unsired hybrids and Klaus killed all twelve of them. Tyler had run away before Klaus had managed to kill him so, as revenge, your boyfriend killed his mother and the mayor: Carol Lockwood.

You knew that your ex-friends would want to avenge their friend’s mother, you just didn’t know what they would do in return. You hadn’t expected that they would attack the Mikaelson household. Unfortunately, the Originals had business in another town and had left for the weekend, they had left you at the house.

Which brings you to now.

You were watching a tv show with your headphones on in your room. So, when the band of vampires and humans came into the mansion, you didn’t hear a thing. It was only when they had scoured the whole bottom floor and came up the stairs that you had heard them. You didn’t think anything of it, probably Klaus and Rebekah coming home early.

“(Y/n)?” a voice spoke, not a Mikaelson one.

You turned around from your seat and your eyes met bright blue ones.

“Damon.” You sneered.

“Y-you’re alive.” He stuttered.

“No shit, Sherlock.”

His friends finished checking the house and had come up to the only other source of sound. They all piled into your room. You looked at them; Stefan, Elena, Caroline, Bonnie, Jeremy and Matt.

“Wow, you guys really went all out for a plan that didn’t work out.” You said, not bothered by stunned people in front of you.

Your other brother was the next to come out of his trance, “How are you still alive?” he asked.

“Straight to the point, right big bro?” You said.

Damon rolled his eyes, “You haven’t changed at least. Now answer the damn question.”

“Fine.” You huffed, “Well, after the two of you left me to die.” They all looked at their feet in guilt, earning a grin from you, “Klaus asked me my ‘story’. I told him how it wasn’t the first the two of you left me to fend for myself, how I turned into a vampire yada, yada… And he told me his whole story in return. After, he made me a deal: he’d let me live if I stayed with them. So, I, caring for my life unlike you two assholes,” you pointed your fingers, “accepted. And thus, began my friendship with the Mikaelson family. They treated me well, I went shopping Rebekah and had fun chats with Elijah. And that’s the story.” You finished.

There was a long silence before Elena spoke up, “Come home with us, we’ll protect you.”

You grinned, “Well, you see Elena, I like the freedom I have with the Mikaelsons. I also think that any of your friends” you gestured to the rest of the people, “wouldn’t hesitate to pick you over me another time, especially my brothers. And, finally, you can stay with your boyfriends, I’ll stay with mine.” When you finished talking, you saw some jaws drop and some eyes widen which, in turn, made you grin even more, “Oh, right! You don’t know, meet my new boyfriend,” you gestured to the figure behind them, “Klaus Mikaelson.”

You had sent a text with your phone behind your back that was complete gibberish to your boyfriend, knowing that he would worry and come back. You were right.

“Hello, love.” He walked over, placing a kiss on your forehead, “Are these people bothering you?” he asked.

“Yes,” you replied, “I’d like them to leave.”

“Anything for the person I love, especially if the people I’m about to attack broke her heart not that long ago.” He grinned.

Realization crept on their faces and they sent you pleading looks, “Being stabbed in the back hurts, doesn’t it.” You looked at your brother, “Karma’s a bitch.”

13.02 coda

Thank you guys so much for all the love last week! As always, if you’d like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please send me a message <3

“Dean! Oh my - ”

Dean storms right past Sam and dumps Jack’s bloody knife in the sink. He doesn’t look at him as he turns on the water, but it doesn’t matter. Sam’s already up out of his seat and crowding against him along the counter.

“I knew you were in bad way after Cas but, Dean, I thought you were dealing - ”

Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s not mine,” he snaps, turning over his shoulder. Bright red blood pools in the sink as the faucet rushes over it.

Sam, still gaping, manages to narrow his eyes as his alarm fades away. “What did you do?”

Dean frowns. “Nothing. Why do you think that I - ”

Sam sags then, his body collapsing into itself all at once before he pulls himself to his full height. His eyes melt into that deplorable sad puppy dog look, the kind of look that’s going to turn into guilt some day. “Oh no. Oh, Jack…”

Dean shakes his head. “He’s fine, Sam. Obviously. You know damn well something like this couldn’t do any serious damage.”

Just like that, the puppy look slips away. Sam glares. His lip curls and his eyes narrow and he leans forward in the meanest way that Dean has ever seen from him. For a second he actually wonders if Sam’s going to hit him.

“You think I only care if he’s hurt? You think - Dean, that kid is suicidal now. He’s not even a week old and he - ”

Sam suddenly cuts off and wipes his face with his hand. 

“You know what?” he says. “You’re seriously messed up, man. You have a problem, and - don’t look at me like that - and you need to stay the hell away from Jack from now on.”

Dean lets the water run. Low and dark, he murmurs, “I have a problem?”

“Yeah, Dean, you do,” Sam snaps. “You didn’t see him out there, terrified and alone. He thinks you hate him. I’m starting to think that maybe you’re the one with no soul around here.”

He leaves the room, stomping away in a huff, and Dean knows that he’s headed off to Jack’s room. He’s going to clean up the mess, he’s going to try and soothe all the wounds that aren’t visible. Sam’s good like that, and he just doesn’t know when to quit.

Dean stares down into the drain, pink-dyed water circling the abyss. 

“I don’t have a fucking problem,” he insists, but it’s only to an empty room.

He shuts off the water and leaves the knife in the sink.

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