I think I have an unhealthy

anonymous asked:

ghost, could i haeve some good vibess? i'm having suciidial thoughts and i can't stop. i can't stop thinking of ways to off myself and i hate it. delete this if you want. i don't care. i'm just an attentino whoer anywyas

sorry this is kinda late but i hope you’re feeling better ;; hell ur not an attention whore tho everyone needs sometime to vent to, it’s really unhealthy to bottle things up so 

good vibesssss

anonymous asked:

I think last anon ( who was really mean) is referring to the therapists office post. But very truthfully Faith, I think you may need to examine that. I understand that you like your therapist a lot, and I've always jumped to your defence ( internally) when you get attacked for having an unhealthy dependence of your therapist, but after reading the office post, it really comes across as a bit odd.just saying it might be worth thinking about.

I’m really confused about this. I described a room….what’s creepy about that? Part of the reason for my visit yesterday to her was so I could see her office which she has talked to me about but I have never been in. And I did spend some time sitting on the couch looking around, while T was sat opposite me. So I wasn’t being sneaky in any way. Today I decided to see how much of it I could remember as a little memory test / description exercise. The rest of her clients get to see her office every week, I only got to see it that one time, so I would like to remember what it was like.

Also I think therapist offices are interesting and if anyone else wrote a description of theirs, I’d be interested to read it. I’ve seen an article somewhere before with photos of therapists’ offices and it was fascinating to see how they differed and what they felt the important features were.

i see a lot of stuff from 18+ people esp in college who are like “omg how am i an adult i feel like i’m still a kid” and like, i get feeling like you’re still the same person because ur personality may not have changed or whatever but you /are/ an adult and i think its important to start actively viewing yourself as an adult & holding yourself responsible as an adult because just denying it or making Jokes about how immature you are can lead to some really unhealthy/unproductive/dangerous behavior for your overall growth, not the least of which is crossing lines with minors

I once said to my therapist after a particularly hard week, “I wish I could just fix all of my problems and move on to live a normal life”
And he looked at me and said, “There is no finish line”.

Those words felt like a stab in my heart, but they were words that I desperately needed to hear. There is no finish line to my problems. It’s not possible to get through a certain point in life and have my problems simply disappear. And it’s unhealthy to think that way. Up to that point in my life, that’s what I though recovery was. I thought it was like working your way forward until it seems like your problems never existed in the first place.

The finish line does not exist. Instead, everyone has a capacity for recovery. You may never completely rid yourself of whatever causes you pain, but you will move miles from where you started. Don’t set your expectations too high and create that theoretical finish line in your life, or you will only end up chasing it. Instead, focus on your own capacity for recovery, and be proud of yourself for every step you take.

An INTJ and therapy

INTJ: *takes out a list*

INTJ: Ok so these are my problems and the roots, this is what I think but this is what I feel and these are the whysthese are the solutions to those problems and these would be the likely outcomes and complications of those respective solutions and-

INTJ: I mean, I could be wrong. 

Personality Disorder: Masterpost

What are personality disorders? How many are there? If you need help to self dx or are just curious as I was while researching this, I hope this post helps you.

Personality Disorders: An Overview

Each of us has a unique personality made up of traits that come from both our genetic make-up and our life experiences and is a vital part of what makes us who we are and how we interact with others.  

A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving certain things, such as relationships, people in general and emotions. However, that does not make you dumb, broken or worse.

Personality disorders usually become noticeable in adolescence or early adulthood, but sometimes start in childhood. They can make it difficult for those affected to start and keep friendships or other relationships, and they may find it hard to work effectively with others. They may find other people very scary, and feel very alienated and alone.

In general, individuals with personality disorders may have difficulty sustaining close or intimate relationships. They may experience chronic interpersonal problems, or have difficulties in establishing a coherent sense of self or identity. Others may perceive them to be impulsive, irritable, fearful, demanding, hostile, manipulative, or even violent. Problem alcohol or drug use, mood disorders, certain anxiety or eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal thoughts or attempts, and sexual problems often accompany personality disorder.

The diagnosis applies if you have personality difficulties which affect all aspects of your life, all the time, and make life difficult for you and for those around you.

The different types of personality disorders

Psychiatrists in the UK tend to use an American system of diagnosis which identifies 10 different types of personality disorder. These types can be grouped into three categories, which are usually called ‘clusters’:

♦ Suspicious ♦ - Cluster A ( odd, eccentric )

  • Paranoid
  • Shizoid
  • Shizotypal

The common features of the personality disorders in this cluster are social awkwardness and social withdrawal. These disorders are dominated by distorted thinking. 

♦ Emotional and impulsive ♦ -  Cluster B ( dramatic, emotional, and erratic )

  • Borderline
  • Histrionic
  • Narcissistic
  • Antisocial

Disorders in this cluster share problems with impulse control and emotional regulation. 

♦ Anxious ♦ - Cluster C

  • avoidant
  • depedent
  • obsessive compulsive

One person may meet the criteria for several different types of personality disorder, while a wide range of people may fit the criteria for the same disorder, despite having very different personalities. 

Quick overview of all the different personality disorders

••Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)••

This is characterised by a lack of regard for the rights and feelings of others, and a lack of remorse for actions that may hurt others. People with this diagnosis frequently ignore social norms of acceptable behaviour; they may disregard rules and break the law. Consequently, if you have this diagnosis you may also have a criminal record; you may also have problem drug or alcohol use. Sadly, this kind of behaviour is also likely to result in difficulties in relationships, with rejection (given or received) a major feature.  

Antisocial personality disorder signs and symptoms may include:

  • Disregard for right and wrong
  • Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others
  • Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others
  • Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure
  • Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated
  • Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior
  • Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonestyImpulsiveness or failure to plan ahead
  • Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence
  • Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others
  • Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others
  • Poor or abusive relationships
  • Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them
  • Being consistently irresponsible and repeatedly failing to fulfill work or financial obligations

Adults with antisocial personality disorder typically show symptoms of conduct disorder before the age of 15. 

Treatment:

Cognitive therapy — first developed to help patients with depression — has recently been applied to ASP.

Medication:

No medications are routinely used or specifically approved for ASP treatment. Several drugs, however, have been shown to reduce aggression, a common problem for many antisocials.The best-documented medication is lithium carbonate, which has been found to reduce anger, threatening behavior and combativeness among prisoners. More recently, the drug was shown to reduce behaviors such as bullying, fighting and temper outbursts in aggressive children.Phenytoin (Dilantin), an anticonvulsant, has also been shown to reduce impulsive aggression in prison settings.Other drugs have been used to treat aggression primarily in brain-injured or mentally retarded patients. These include carbamazepine, valproate, propranolol, buspirone and trazodone.  Antipsychotic medications also have been studied in similar populations. They may deter aggression, but potentially induce irreversible side effects. Tranquilizers from the benzodiazepine class should not be used to treat people with ASP because they are potentially addictive and may lead to loss of behavioral control.

••Avoidant (anxious) personality disorder•• 

Typically, a person with this diagnosis fears being judged negatively by others, leading to feelings of discomfort in group or social settings. You may come across as being socially withdrawn, a ‘loner’. Fear and anxiety may mean that you have difficulty in holding down a job, as well as experiencing difficulties in relationships. This can be very painful for you as you can feel lonely and isolated, while at the same time, fearful of those relationships and situations that might make you feel more included and engaged with a community or circle of family or friends.

You are likely to:

  • avoid work or social activities that mean you must be with others 
  •  expect disapproval and criticism and be very sensitive to it 
  • worry constantly about being ‘found out’ and rejected 
  • worry about being ridiculed or shamed by others 
  • avoid relationships, friendships and intimacy because you fear rejection
  • feel lonely and isolated, and inferior to others 
  • be reluctant to try new activities in case you embarrass yourself.

People with avoidant personality disorder experience long-standing feelings of inadequacy and are extremely sensitive to what others think about them. These feelings of inadequacy leads to the person to be socially inhibited and feel socially inept. Because of these feelings of inadequacy and inhibition, the person with avoidant personality disorder will seek to avoid work, school and any activities that involve socializing or interacting with others. 

Treatment:

Treatment of avoidant personality disorder typically involves psychotherapy with a therapist that has experience in treating this kind of personality disorder. 

Medication:

Anti-anxiety agents and antidepressants should be prescribed for avoidant PD only when another psychiatric problem co-occurs (e.g., anxiety or depression). 

••Borderline personality disorder (BPD)•• 

This is the most commonly diagnosed personality disorder. The term borderline originally referred to symptoms being on the borderline between psychosis and neurosis. Typically, with a diagnosis of BPD, you are likely to have a poor self-image and unstable personal relationships, which are likely to result from mood swings that may involve angry outbursts, which tend to drive people away. Conversely, you may find it difficult to break away from damaging relationships as you are frightened of being alone. Others may find it difficult to relate to you, as your response tends to be unpredictable, or people may be afraid of your anger. While seeking contact and support with others, you may also be quite rejecting of this, which makes it hard for people to engage with, or relate to you. While in some ways inviting rejection, you also find it hard to be rejected and may act impulsively in reaction to this, sometimes threatening, or carrying out self-destructive behaviour such as selfharm or suicide attempts. Life can be very difficult and painful, both for you, and for those who care about you. You may have feelings of emptiness and fear abandonment by friends or partners.      

A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:

  • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
  • A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationshipscharacterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
  • Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
  • Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
  • Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness
  • Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
  • Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms

Treatment:

Types of psychotherapy used to treat BPD include:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help people with BPD identify and change core beliefs and/or behaviors that underlie inaccurate perceptions of themselves and others and problems interacting with others. CBT may help reduce a range of mood and anxiety symptoms and reduce the number of suicidal or self-harming behaviors.
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): This type of therapy utilizes the concept of mindfulness, or being aware of and attentive to the current situation and moods. DBT also teaches skills to control intense emotions, reduce self-destructive behaviors, and improve relationships. DBT differs from CBT in that it integrates traditional CBT elements with mindfulness, acceptance, and techniques to improve a person’s ability to tolerate stress and control his or her emotions. DBT recognizes the dialectical tension between the need for acceptance and the need for change.
  • Schema-Focused Therapy: This type of therapy combines elements of CBT with other forms of psychotherapy that focus on reframing schemas, or the ways people view themselves. This approach is based on the idea that BPD stems from a dysfunctional self-image—possibly brought on by negative childhood experiences—that affects how people react to their environment, interact with others, and cope with problems or stress.
  • Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving (STEPPS) is a type of group therapy that aims to educate family members, significant others, and health care professionals about BPD and gives them guidance on how to interact consistently with the person with the disorder using the STEPPS approach and terminology. STEPPS is designed to supplement other treatments the patient may be receiving, such as medication or individual psychotherapy.

Medication:

There are no known medications that can treat BPD as a whole. A mental health professional may recommend medications to treat specific symptoms, such as mood swings, depression, or other disorders that may occur with BPD.  
••Dependent personality disorder (DPD)•• 

With this diagnosis you are likely to take a passive position with regard to your own life, allowing others to assume responsibility for many areas of your life. You are likely to lack selfconfidence, assuming that the needs of others take precedence to yours. You may find it very hard to even recognise that you have rights and needs. This can leave you in a very vulnerable position as you are reliant on others looking out for your needs and not abusing the position you take within relationships. Other people are more likely to identify this vulnerability as they recgonise your passivity and submissiveness .
People with this disorder do not trust their own ability to make decisions and feel that others have better ideas. They may be devastated by separation and loss, and they may go to great lengths, even suffering abuse, to stay in a relationship. Other symptoms include:

  • Difficulty making decisions without reassurance from others
  • Extreme passivity
  • Problems expressing disagreements with others
  • Avoiding personal responsibility
  • Avoiding being alone
  • Devastation or helplessness when relationships end
  • Unable to meet ordinary demands of life
  • Preoccupied with fears of being abandoned
  • Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval
  • Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others

Complications of this disorder may include depression, alcohol and drug abuse, and susceptibility to physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

Treatment:

Psychotherapy is the preferred form of treatment for people with dependent personality disorder. Cognitive-behavioral therapy focuses on patterns of thinking that are maladaptive, the beliefs that underlie such thinking and resolving symptoms or traits that are characteristic of the disorder, such as the inability to make important life decisions or the inability to initiate relationships. Improvements are usually seen only with long-term therapy or treatment.

Medication:

Certain types of drugs such as antidepressants, sedatives and tranquilizers are often prescribed for patients with dependent personality disorder to treat co-occurring conditions.

••Histrionic personality disorder (HPD)•• 

This disorder is characterised by extreme or over-dramatic behaviour, with a need to be the centre of attention. If you have this diagnosis, you may form relationships quickly, but be demanding and attention-seeking. You may also flirt or behave provocatively in order to ensure you attract or retain the attention of others. To others you may appear to be self-centred, with shallow emotions. While you crave attention, this may also be difficult as you may feel you have to entertain others, be the life and soul of the party and that you are dependent on the approval of other people.

You are likely to: 

  • feel very uncomfortable if you are not the centre of attention
  • feel much more at ease as the ‘life and soul of the party’
  • feel that you have to entertain people
  • flirt or behave provocatively to ensure that you remain the centre of attention
  • get a reputation for being dramatic and overemotional
  • feel dependent on the approval of others
  • be easily influenced by others

Treatment:

Treatment can be difficult if you have HPD. Like many people with HPD, you might think you don’t need treatment, or you might find the routine of a treatment program to be unappealing. However, therapy — and sometimes medications — can help you cope with HPD. Psychotherapy is the most common and effective treatment choice for HPD. This kind of therapy involves talking to a therapist about your feelings and experiences. Such talks can help you and your therapist determine the reasoning behind your actions and behaviors. Your therapist may be able to help you learn how to relate with people in a positive manner, instead of continually trying to get attention from them.

Medication:

If the patient experiences depression or anxiety as a part of their HPD, their primary care provider might put them on antidepressants or antianxiety medication.

••Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)••

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have significant problems with their sense of self-worth stemming from a powerful sense of entitlement. This leads them to believe they deserve special treatment, and to assume they have special powers, are uniquely talented, or that they are especially brilliant or attractive. Their sense of entitlement can lead them to act in ways that fundamentally disregard and disrespect the worth of those around them.

You are likely to: 

  • believe that there are special reasons that make you different, better or more deserving than others
  • have fragile self-esteem, so that you rely on others to recognise your worth and your needs
  • feel upset if others ignore you and don’t give you what you feel you deserve
  • resent other people’s successes
  • put your own needs above other people’s, and demand they do too
  • be seen as selfish and ‘above yourself’
  • take advantage of other people. 

Treatment:

Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy. Psychotherapy can help you:

  • Learn to relate better with others so your relationships are more intimate, enjoyable and rewarding
  • Understand the causes of your emotions and what drives you to compete, to distrust others, and perhaps to despise yourself and others

Medication:

There are no medications specifically used to treat narcissistic personality disorder. However, if you have symptoms of depression, anxiety or other conditions, medications such as antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs may be helpful. 

••Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)•• 

A person with this disorder tends to have difficulties in expressing warm or tender emotions to others. They are frequently perfectionists, things must be done in their own way. They often lack clarity in seeing other perspectives or ways of doing things, and their rigid attention to detail may prevent them from completing tasks. OCPD is separate from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which describes a form of behaviour rather than a type of personality.   

You are likely to:

  • need to keep everything in order and under control
  • set unrealistically high standards for yourself and others
  • think yours is the best way of making things happen
  • worry when you or others might make mistakes
  • expect catastrophes if things aren’t perfect
  • be reluctant to spend money on yourself or others
  • have a tendency to hang on to items with no obvious value. 

Treatment:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type of mental health counseling. During CBT, you meet with a mental health professional on a structured schedule. These regular sessions involve working with your counselor to talk through any anxiety, stress, or depression. A mental health counselor may encourage you to put less emphasis on work and more emphasis on recreation, family, and other interpersonal relationships. Relaxation training involves specific breathing and relaxation techniques that can help decrease your sense of stress and urgency. These symptoms are common in OCPD. Examples of recommended relaxation practices include yoga, tai chi, and Pilates.

Medication:

Usually, a SSRI type medication is prescribed to decrease inflexible and detail-oriented thinking. 

••Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)•• 

People with this diagnosis are often emotionally detached and suspicious of other people and their motives. They may hold longstanding grudges, and believe that other people are not trustworthy, are deceiving, threatening, or making plans against them.

  • People with this disorder assume that others are out to harm them, take advantage of them, or humiliate them in some way.
  • They put a lot of effort into protecting themselves and keeping their distance from others.
  • They are known to preemptively attack others whom they feel threatened by.
  • They tend to hold grudges, are litigious, and display pathological jealously.
  • Distorted thinking is evident. Their perception of the environment includes reading malevolent intentions into genuinely harmless, innocuous comments or behavior, and dwelling on past slights.
  • Their emotional life tends to be dominated by distrust and hostility.
  • For these reasons, they do not confide in others and do not allow themselves to develop close relationships.

Treatment:

talk therapy or psychotherapy are helpful. These methods will:

  • help the individual learn how to cope with the disorder
  • learn how to communicate with others in social situations
  • help reduce feelings of paranoia

Medication:

Medications may include:

  • antidepressants
  • benzodiazepines
  • antipsychotics

Combining medication with talk therapy or psychotherapy can be very successful.

••Schizoid personality disorder•• 

People diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder tend to have difficulties in expressing emotions, particularly around warmth or tenderness. They often feel shy in company, but may come across as aloof or remote, and have difficulty in developing or maintaining social relationships.

  • They almost always chose solitary activities, and seem to take little pleasure in life.
  • These “loners” often prefer mechanical or abstract activities that involve little human interaction and appear indifferent to both criticism and praise.
  • Emotionally, they seem aloof, detached, and cold.
  • They may be oblivious to social nuance and social cues causing them to appear socially inept and superficial.
  • Their restricted emotional range and failure to reciprocate gestures or facial expressions (such a smiles or nods of agreement) cause them to appear rather dull, bland, or inattentive.

The Schizoid Personality Disorder appears to be rather rare.

Treatment:

Cognitive behavioral therapy is designed to change behavior. It can be successful in treating this condition because you will learn how to act in social situations. This may reduce anxiety and reluctance to pursue social relationships. Group therapy is another option and can help you practice your social skills. This will help you become more comfortable in social situations.

Medication:

Medication is generally not used unless other treatment methods are not working. Bupropion may be used to increase feelings of pleasure. Antipsychotic medications can be used to treat feelings of indifference. These medications can also help encourage social interactions.

••Schizotypal personality disorder (STPD)•• 

A person with this disorder typically has problems around developing interpersonal relationships. The condition is characterised by thought disorders and paranoia. To others they may appear odd or eccentric; they may dress or behave inappropriately, for example talking to themselves in public.

  • Unlike the Schizoid Personality Disorder, they also experience perceptual and cognitive distortions and/or eccentric behavior.
  • People with Schizotypal Personality Disorder have odd beliefs, for instance, they may believe they can read other people’s thoughts, or that that their own thoughts have been stolen from their heads.
  • Schizotypal Personality Disorder tends to be found more frequently in families where someone has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia; a severe mental disorder with the defining feature of psychosis (the loss of reality testing). There is some indication that these two distinct disorders share genetic commonalities
  • These perceptual abnormalities may include noticing flashes of light no one else can see, or seeing objects or shadows in the corner of their eyes and then realizing that nothing is there.
  • These odd or superstitious beliefs and fantasies are inconsistent with cultural norms.

Treatment:

Several types of therapy can help treat STPD. Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, can help you learn how to form relationships. You can get this type of therapy along with social skills training to help you feel more comfortable in social situations.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you address some of the behaviors associated with your condition. Your therapist can help you learn how to act in social situations and respond to social cues. They can also help you learn to recognize unusual or harmful thoughts and change them.

Family therapy may be helpful, especially if you live with others. It can help you strengthen your relationships with family members. It may also help you to feel more supported by your family.

Medication:

No medications are designed to treat STPD specifically. However, some people with this condition benefit from taking antipsychotic or antidepressant drugs if they’re experiencing symptoms that their doctor thinks be improved with these medications. 

so media, and indeed society in general, has this horrible habit of glorifying and romanticizing codependent relationships. i really want people to be educated about them and why they’re unhealthy, so i’d appreciate if everyone could help me spread this around! feel free to add anything in the comments you think i’ve overlooked.

what is a codependent relationship?

a codependent relationship is one where the parties involved are unhealthily dependent on one another. it does not have to be a romantic relationship, but can be platonic, familial, etc. it will usually posses one or more of the following traits:

  • one or both people feeling incapable of handling the world without the other
  • one or both people feeling as if you are incomplete are unwhole without the other
  • one or both allowing one to have an inordinate amount of control in the other’s life; living in a way to please them; significantly altering one’s self or behavior to meet the other’s standards
  • one or both prioritizing the other’s needs and wants above one’s own
  • one or both having an unwillingness to go about life without the other

why is this bad?

besides the blatantly obvious reasons, here are some of the negative impacts/possible if not likely outcomes of a codependent relationship:

  • inability to cope or go about daily life without the support of the other
  • increased anxiety/depression/hyperactivity/indecisiveness without the other
  • increased jealousy/over-protectiveness
  • falling apart of outside relationships due to prioritization of one (loss of friends basically)
  • emotional and/or physical isolation from everyone besides the other
  • loss of individuality and control over one’s life
  • suffering of one’s individual education/career
  • refusal of separation when the relationship turns abusive
  • loss of free time
  • unhealthy obsession with the other
  • increased responsibility of carrying the entire emotional burden of another person

some of the effects of a breakup from a codependent relationship:

  • bouts of depression/anxiety
  • isolation
  • suicide/self-harm/addiction/binge eating/other self-destructive tendencies
  • worsening of effects of pre-existing mental illness
  • inability to reconnect with other people
  • loss of direction in life
  • a WHOLE wealth of other problems that would not fit in this list honestly

a common misconception is that intensely attached relationships like these are beneficial for people with mental illnesses because of the extra support given, when in fact it will often exacerbate the symptoms over time as the individual loses the ability to cope on their own and prioritize the other person above their own well-being.

there are varying degrees of severity of codependency, but that does not mean that ones that are lesser are not still unhealthy.

steps you can take to prevent codependency in a relationship if you are concerned:

  • discuss boundaries. lay out with your partner a basis (or schedule if need be) on which to spend time with one another that does not cause your other relationships, career/education, and personal time to suffer severely.
  • make room for personal time with friends, without the other person. maintain your outside relationships. if you ignore them for the sake of your partner, you’ll slowly lose them, and won’t have anyone else by the time the relationship has run its course. this will also ensure that you can maintain individual relationships with others on your own without the influence of your partner. (also, anyone would be able to tell you that trying to spend time with two people that are attached at the hip is very uncomfortable, and oftentimes devaluating)
  • find other emotional outlets and support than just the one person. find friends who can help  you with your problems too, so the entire weight of them is not put on your partner and you have somewhere to go for help and support if you lose them.
  • take a time-out. spend a couple of weeks to a month apart, not spending extensive time together. while this may seem daunting, it will help you reassert authority over your own life and readjust to not being dependent on them. this also gives you and your partner time to take a breather and reflect if things are getting intense.
  • break it off altogether. this can be a terrifying, if not unthinkable, prospect. but if you cannot be together and maintain your own lives and personal agency despite your best efforts, then you need to call it quits, no ifs ands or buts. 

you, your sense of self, and your ability to go about life without leaning completely on another person is more important than any relationship could ever be. it is not romantic or even CLOSE to ideal to unable to be away or without another person, no matter what any show, book, or movie says. this does not mean you are alone or that other people don’t matter, but that what matters most is you. feel free to love a person with all you have, but don’t let that be ALL you have.

now go out and form some healthy relationships, okay?

Honestly I think the phantom of the opera was such a good villain because he’s so relatable. I too would lock myself away in my bedroom, demand ridiculous amounts of money, and use my unhealthy obsessions to unsuccessfully seduce someone I have the hots for

A little reflection after today...

I have a friend who normalizes 1000 calories a day without realizing how unhealthy that is, some other friend can eat only an apple then go for a run, then think it’s okay cause she’ll have some dinner after, another friends diet consist only of twinkies and chips and quesadillas, but the 3 of them are skinny, so their health will never be questioned, their physical appearance is your average ideal of beauty, so they will completely pass as healthy people, even if they are lacking on nutrients, even if they are rotting inside, even if they suffer anemia without even knowing it. 

But I have cellulite, and I have big hips, and my belly shows, and my arms are not toned, so I’m not healthy, doesn’t matter if I exercise daily and I get my daily rations of veggies, doesn’t matter if my doctors say I’m okay, doesn’t matter if my diet is supervised by a nutritionist, because I’m fat, and since I’m fat I’m on the path of a heart disease, i must be a ticking time bomb waiting to explode with blood pressure and any kind of diabetes. 

Because this society doesn’t give a fuck about your health, because assholes don’t wanna say “I will give you shit because you are not pleasant to me” so they will give you the “health” card in order to make you feel shitty, because no matter how much effort and care someone puts on learning of and improving their health there will always gonna be idiots who think they are entitled to comment on your body, and now they wanna disguise it as being concerned about health, health? you don’t care about health, you care about what you think is appeasing to you, in fact people commenting on health probably know shit about medical issues, but still is gonna find a way to try and make others feel insecure. 

After rewatching ep. 7

(Sorry all my studyblr followers, I just needed to get this out bc I am completely and utterly obsessed with this show [it’s really unhealthy] and I wanted to share this with the Yuri!!! on Ice community :)))) )


So I just rewatched episode 7 of Yuri!!! on Ice and I’ve come to a realization. I don’t know if others have thought of this yet, but here’s what I think.

When Viktor decided to break Yuri’s heart and try to force him to perform well in his performance in China, he basically told Yuri that he would take responsibility as Yuri’s coach (if he failed), step down, and leave Yuri. 

Now, this was an extremely wrong decision for him to take, since we realized in ep. 9 and later in ep. 7 that Yuri was worried that Victor *would* leave him, and that he would damage Victor’s reputation if he didn’t do well. What Victor should have done was to assure Yuri that he would stay with him, no matter what happens in this next skate, and that his reputation is not his top priority. 

IN THIS SCENE, Victor is acting as a superior, not as a friend, brother, or lover. The way he threatens Yuri that he will resign only sets their relationship back to the airport scene, where he doesn’t acknowledge Yuri as a fellow skater, but as a fan. Here again, he breaks Yuri’s heart by doing what he did months before, but treating him only as a trainee. In order for their relationship to advance into the next stages (wink wink), Victor needs to treat him as an equal. Well, in order for any healthy relationship to stay healthy, both partners need to be able to see the other without looking up to them as idols or looking down on them as worshippers. Victor doesn’t realize that he is separating himself from Yuri in this way at all.

Victor makes this situation even worse by saying, 

Now, I believe this is extremely uncharacteristic of Victor to do. Although he is a very flamboyant, extroverted kind of guy, he does have some boundaries that he knows not to cross. By replying to Yuri’s outburst with this cold question shows that Victor is veryyy uncomfortable in this situation and just doesn’t know what Yuri wants - to be on equal standing with Victor, meaning that he will be able to approach him as a potential lover. 

Yuri sets Victor’s thinking straight by saying,

Giving mental support is what Yuri needs at this time, not a kiss. There’s no coaching needed, no criticism, but just giving him the chance to prove himself as Victor’s equal. And that’s what Yuri proves in his performance, right after. He’s determined to show Victor that VICTOR is what he wants - not the gold medal, not first place, not international popularity, but VICTOR. Although these things are great perks, and they are some of the things that drive Yuri, every single performance Yuri has completed with Victor as his coach has been for Victor. It’s not for himself or his family or anyone else but Vitya~.

In his performance, Yuri is only thinking about Victor, and how he will prove him wrong. And that allows him to skate with such calmness and elegance.

Then Yuri completely takes Victor aback when he performs that quadruple flip (the “signature move” of Victor’s), showing that he *can* match Victor, and ensure that they are now on equal standing. However, I believe this wasn’t the only reason why he performed the flip instead of the toe loop - 

He wanted to reach Victor on a higher, more emotional level. Victor and Yuri are connected through the sport of figure skating - it’s what their whole life revolves around - and the way that Yuri input something of Victor’s into his performance and immortalizes his presence signifies to Victor that Yuri wants him to be a part of the rest of his life (that’s also why he put this at the end). 

Yuri also said before that this song is the history of his life, and the fact that he performed Victor’s signature move in the end and pointed his final pose towards him makes Victor’s presence in his life unending, since nothing comes after this scene. The end of his life - the end of his performance - stops with Victor. Yuri finally shows Victor what he really wants their relationship to be, and has proved himself to be an equal.

So, to recap
  • Killian was abandoned by his father. 
  • Regina was abused by her mother. 
  • Zelena was abandoned by both parents and abused by her adoptive father.
  • Rumple was abandoned by both parents and later taunted and assaulted by both parents. 
  • Neal was abandoned by both parents.
  • Ruby was abandoned by both parents (or forcibly taken by her grandmother).
  • Graham was abandoned by both parents to be eaten by wolves.
  • Emma was given up by her birth parents and given up by one of her foster families.
  • Henry was given up by his birth mother and gaslighted by his adoptive mother.
  • David was neglected by his alcoholic father.
  • Cora was neglected by her alcoholic father.
  • Archie was exploited by his parents.

Me: *talking about shadowhunters*
Friend: I think your obsession is a bit unhealthy
Me: yeah… anyways, shadowhunters

"RED FLAG” SYNASTRY ASPECTS (PART 1)

Synastry can be a confusing subject to look at. It’s already confusing enough to look at your natal chart, imagine how confusing it’d be to combine your natal chart with another person’s! In a synastry calculator, you can be very confused with what you see. So many lines, so many aspects to look at.

Aspects is a very important component in synastry. It’s the connections your planets make to your partner’s. It gives insight to the interactions between you two. While there’s some free-flowing, easy aspects, there’s some hard, challenging ones.

And sometimes, if not managed correctly, challenging aspects can turn into toxic, unhealthy aspects.

A little disclaimer before I list such aspects. Everybody has their own idea of what a “red flag” synastry aspect could be. This is just my opinion on what I think would be toxic and unhealthy. And if you find that you and partner have one of these challenging aspects, don’t just throw your relationship out the door. Every relationship is challenging, and to just completely throw away a relationship just because you see a challenging aspect is foolish. It’s your relationship. Don’t let the stars determine your actions. I personally have one of the “red flag” aspects below, but remember that challenging aspects can also turn to transforming, powerful aspects in a good way!

  1. Moon Square or Opposite Saturn - In this aspect, it can be argued that the Moon person will be mainly harmed, but I believe both people with this aspect will be hurt. The Saturn person will feel that the Moon person is constantly irresponsible, scolding and criticizing the Moon person like a child. The Moon person feels emotionally damaged by this, and if not handled correctly, the Moon person will eventually sensor what he/she says to the Saturn person while the Saturn person will eventually be in the dark. The Moon person could eventually be depressed with the relationship while the Saturn person will not be satisfied.
  2. Mars Square or Opposite Pluto - This aspect is notoriously known as one of the most dangerous synastry aspects a couple could have. There is definitely a strong, notable aggressive attitude the Mars and Pluto person possesses while they are presented in different ways. Arguments can be quite explosive within this pairing, since both people are too stubborn and aggressive to give in. If the two individuals are physically violent, this aspect can show violence and abuse. However, if there isn’t any signs in the charts of each of individual, abuse and violence is not likely to occur.
  3. Mars Square or Opposite Saturn - Unlike the Moon Square or Opposite Saturn aspect, this aspect can negatively manifest into something more violent. With the disciplinary, harsh, and criticizing tendencies of Saturn, the Saturn person will most likely criticize the Mars person for everything they do since Mars is the planet of energy, and everything requires energy. The Mars person could have a need to rebel and openly act against the Saturn person while the Saturn person would have a stronger need to restrict the Mars person. Since Saturn is a planet that represents longevity, this aspect wouldn’t manifest early in a romantic relationship, but rather later into the relationship when both people are comfortable with each other.
  4. Venus Square or Opposite Uranus - In this aspect, the Uranus person will most likely want their relationship with the Venus to be as spontaneous and interesting as possible. However, the Venus person may want romantic structure in the relationship and the Uranus person can resent this. In romantic situations, it can be quite erratic and inconstant, making the relationship quite unsteady and dramatic, especially for the Venus person. Sometimes, the Uranus person can be romantically or emotionally distant from the Venus person.
  5. Venus Square of Opposite Pluto - There is a strong powerful struggle between the Venus and Pluto person. The Pluto person is likely to dominant over the Venus person, and sometimes, this can be hard for the Venus person to accept. The Pluto person can also be quite possessive and jealous when it comes to the Venus person. While there is a strong attraction between the two, the relationship between the two could be quite an emotional rollercoaster. If an relationship were to end between the Venus and Pluto person, the chances of repeating the relationship is slim due to the overpowering passion between the two.

I will probably make a part two of this when I find more aspects!

3

Please help.
This is Sprite. She is my emotional support animal. She’s incredibly loving and affectionate and has helped me through a lot of dark times that I don’t think I would have made it through otherwise.
Recently she has developed breathing problems. She is sneezing a lot and her breathing is labored at times and it is concerning to me.
I am currently unable to afford a vet bill. I am really concerned about Sprite but I can’t do anything without some help.

Please, if you can, please help me get Sprite to the vet.
Here’s the GoFundMe link: gofundme.com/help-sprite-get-her-medicine
And Paypal: paypal.me/ShawnaKay57

Please help or reblog!!

Neurodivergent people in love are revolutionary.

From the time we’re young, we’re told that we are too stupid or crazy to be loved. I was 10 years old when I had my first real crush, and I was isolated and called a stalker by all the boys in my grade because I followed the guy around in the playground and didn’t understand his boundaries. I was 10 years old. That expectation and label followed me throughout all of my early teens, with me thinking that I couldn’t have a crush without being a stalker.

People with cognitive issues, psychosis, and personality disorders (particularly cluster B) are repeatedly told that we’re destined to be abusers in our relationships. We see people with our symptoms in media portrayed as abusers or perverts, and it’s a silent message to us that we’re unlovable, despite the fact that we’re actually more likely to be the victims of abuse.

I see relationships in media called unhealthy and abusive because one or both of the characters are coded as mentally ill. I hear people say “don’t stick your dick in crazy”. I see @dateagirlwhosuggestion and @dateaboysuggestions receive asks berating them for suggesting to date people like me, saying that it’s dangerous. I see developmentally disabled people being the undesirable joke that not even a loser would consider dating. I’ve had enough.

I’ve been told that I’m too insane and mentally ill to date. I’ve had rumors spread that I masturbate to serial killers. Time and again I see ND people in love being treated like we’re abusive, perverts, or too “far-gone” or “slow” to be in a relationship. But people are wrong. Being mentally ill or developmentally disabled does not mean you’re unlovable or abusive. Our love isn’t creepy. It’s revolutionary.

So to everyone that says that people with BPD are destined to be abusive, or that someone with a fixation/favourite person/depended/misunderstanding of boundaries is a stalker, or that developmentally disabled or psychotic people don’t know how to love, or that you shouldn’t date someone who is mentally ill: fuck you. You don’t deserve our love.

Here’s something that’s been on my mind lately. When people who are supposed to love you unconditionally have unhealthy ways of expressing themselves or are abusive, it’s really easy to engage in self-blame, to think “I deserved this,” or to think “I don’t matter/I’m not worthy of love/I’m not special.” A struggle with mental illness can cause the same feelings. Dealing with both trauma and mental illness often compounds the “I’m unworthy” belief.

This post isn’t about dispelling those falsehoods, because there are hundreds of other posts doing that already.

This is about saying that you’re not bad, manipulative, evil, toxic, or abusive for having to rely on other people in order to feel good about yourself because someone or something robbed you of that ability. There are specific ways that this sort of reliance can become manipulative or toxic, and there are individuals who are going to be more susceptible to the potential harms that come from this sort of dependency. Those things aren’t inherent to this symptom or to the behaviors we adopt to try to cope with it.

You’re not automatically manipulating your partner when you say “I’m feeling really down and low right now, and I’d really feel better if you remind me that you care about me and that I’m special to you.”

There’s nothing inherently toxic about turning to a friend to say “I’ve been having a terrible time lately, and it would mean a lot to me if you’d tell me that you love me and that I matter to you.”

You’re not abusive for openly and honestly communicating with the people who love you in order to tell them the most effective and clear ways that they can help you to feel good about yourself.

Stop Blaming Yourself for Being Abused Once and for All.

One of the most helpful and startling things a therapist has said to me was, “In a way, in spite of having low self esteem you’re a narcissist. Narcissism says that you’re so special that you live by a different set of rules than anyone else. You judge yourself by standards you would never judge others by. Do you really think you’re so special and unique that you and only you should have individual standards no one else shares?”

I remember being offended and annoyed by the assertion that applying unique standards to myself was a narcissistic behavior. (the therapist was by no means diagnosing me, only pointing out that specific behavior’s unhealthy nature). As bothered as I was, I went home and thought about their words. At dinner when I judged myself for how much I ate I knew I would not judge anyone else by the same standards and wondered why I thought I was different. I had flashbacks and judged myself for not being over my past yet. I judged myself for how many triggers I still had reminding me of the abuse. I realized I was applying my own standards to many areas of my life and wondered when I had decided I was such a unique human I should have standards I did not think anyone else on earth should have applied to them. 

1. Identify the topics where you have standards you only judge yourself by. Write each one down and add, as close as you can remember, when that standard started and what was happening in your life and mind at the time. Figure out what the areas have in common. Ask yourself what their original purposes were. Some might have been meant to motivate you to work harder on recovery or toughen up. What were you hoping to gain from them?

2. Think of other abuse survivors and identify what you admire about them. Do you aspire to be able to openly discuss your past like they do? Do you admire that they do not judge themselves, that they have found self love again? 

3. Create emotional goals for yourself. Do you dream of being able to honestly say you did not deserve to be abused? Do you want to truly feel you deserve happiness? Do you want to allow yourself better self care? Imagine you won the emotional lottery and write everything that would entail in relation to deal with having been abused. Then ask yourself if your current self blame is getting you closer to that goal. 

4. Break down the rationality of your self-blame. I think every person blaming themselves for being abused truly believes that it is a rational conclusion to come to, and can even feel frustrated when other people refuse to acknowledge that they deserved it. Imagine you are in the jury and your abuse case is being presented. Picture it being presented by someone the age you were when it happened to you. Imagine the events are exactly the same- the only difference is it happened to another person. What conclusion would you come to?

5. Imagine any of your abuse happening to a child you love. Imagine your own child, a niece, nephew, cousin, little sibling, someone else you care for experiencing even a small part of what you did. Does it make your blood boil or are you harsh towards that child like you are towards yourself? Can you imagine ever being alright with an adult doing that to someone who is not you?

6. When you speak against victim blaming remember that includes you. You are not the exception to every act of kindness and compassion. 

7. Remember that when you are blaming yourself you are defending your abuser and defending their actions. Saying that someone can do something to deserve or bring on abuse is saying that abusers sometimes have a legitimate reason for hurting others. You being the victim does not make defending an abuser any more acceptable. 

8. Know that if you would not apply your harsh standards to anyone else you do not have a single rational reason to apply them to yourself. You did not do something in the course of being abused that only you have done and made only you deserving of mistreatment. You were not born any different or worth any less than other humans. 

9. You cannot progress when after your abuser gone you made sure the abuse continued by adopting the abuse into your own mind. You get to control when this abuse ends. It can stop once you decide to try gentleness and kindness instead of harshness and judgment to heal yourself. 

10. You give your abuser victory if you let yourself have an abusive relationship with yourself forever. Your harsh standards for your coping and reactions to abuse are thoughts you learned from your abuser. The idea that you do not deserve happiness, self love, forgiveness, kindness, recovery, etc sounds like something an abuser would say. Pull those thoughts out of your head by refuting them and acting the opposite when they come up.