I think


For Ciel, who is trying hard to be seen as an adult, I will smile and walk beside him in my childish low-heeled shoes. Low heeled shoes, mother’s teaching, a sword to protect you—those are the ‘nice things’ that my current self is made of.


It always makes me nervous when the Cow Chop guys talk about the LGBT+ community (specifically transgender people in this case) or things like that.
I know they don’t mean any harm (for the most part) when they talk about it, and you can tell they don’t want people to be offended. But I’ve always gotten weird vibes when they talk about it, which makes me feel weird as a non-binary kind of person. Instead of talking it over in a normal way, the energy is always nervous as all hell and can sometimes get defensive.
Plus they used slurs, even though they probably didn’t know they were slurs (still a bad thing though).
But, the plus side is that you could tell they are open to talk about things like that, they are just awkward and afraid of saying the wrong thing. Borderline aggressive maybe, but that could be because they’re afraid of being judged by their friends about what they say (I say this specifically in Aleks’ case).
James saying he wouldn’t be against being with a trans person was great and it made me hella happy!
So yeah. I just really hope this energy they give out about these things isn’t centered around transphobia and more around the fact that they know they’re not all-knowing on the subject, thus making them nervous. Sorry for the talk, I just felt a certain way after the beginning of the podcast.

So here’s where I say more than I should about my experience with last week’s Critical Role episode, and it’s still the redacted version, because much of what happened that night is no one else’s business.


I tried to watch this episode on VOD, but probably won’t ever finish it. The night it originally aired, I had intended to go visit my ailing father (he’d already been in hospice for four months) and head home before the episode started, but I discovered as soon as I got there that his condition had taken a bad downturn. I ended up staying for some time, until things degraded to the point where the nurse told my mother and me that we really ought to go home, i.e. not be there. We went. He died two hours later.

Again, I’m purposely leaving a lot out here, but: that happened, family time happened, initial attempts at processing, etc., and then I went home. And the, oh, I don’t know, logistics of it all kicked in. The paperwork side of Sorting Everything Out is a weirdly protracted process and it’s nowhere near done, which seems painfully ridiculous when, honestly, the worst has happened and I’d like to deal with that, but, well. Bureaucracy clearly doesn’t end when you’re dead. Seriously, you should see the permits.

anyway. That aside: superficial fandom shit, since a mention of Thursday’s episode crossed my feed again and it sent my thoughts to less superficial places.

I did come back to watch the CR ep not all that long after things happened. Some of that was me being on autopilot, honestly, and I also felt in need of a distraction. I couldn’t focus worth a damn, though. Eventually, I did get to the sequence where they were trying to get information (about something…I can’t even remember what, because that’s how well my brain was working) via speaking with the dead. It didn’t take long before I started feeling vaguely uneasy. Then I looked at the timestamp, counting backwards to what had been going on where I was at the time. I hit pause, stared blankly for a while, then scrubbed forward a couple minutes to get past it. I listened to a bit more, then scrubbed forward again. And again. Eventually I just kinda gave up.

For what it’s worth, I’m oddly glad that what recaps I’ve seen indicated that not a lot of importance happened. If I did miss anything important, holler, but otherwise I think I’m just kind of pretending that that episode doesn’t exist. The most I did today when the YouTube link went around was glance at the title and then unhappily scroll on by. I hope I might be forgiven, considering.

That’s going to be a weird hole in my viewing history, though.

If I did hear right, anyway, I guess next week is the battle royale where everyone kills each other for funsies, because…of course…and then there’s, presumably, one more filler episode before we get to 100, because that’s clearly what’s going on at this point. So I guess I have some bounce-back time. We’ll see how that goes. Results in general over the last couple days have been mixed.

In the meantime, if anyone felt like flinging me funny clips from other episodes, or pictures of cute and fuzzy things (like this, for a random example), or…well, whatever, something cheerful, it really wouldn’t go amiss.

(And as for me, I will go back to not playing Injustice 2 because I got bit by a character de-leveling bug that wiped out everything I did during today’s ill-fated attempt to de-stress. I think I’m waiting for a patch before I put myself through that again. But thanks, Lady Irony! That was on point.)

         alert: kenna valdez has accepted your request. she is currently 22 years old, female and a bartender but aspires to be a dancer. they are described to be astute & daunting. rumor has it that kenna was secretly messing around with her sisters boyfriend & got pregnant. could it be true? we’ll find out. — ( selena gomez, nina, she/her, cst )

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Daisuga - Jealousy

Edited: Gif version fixed LIKE SERIOUSLY╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑ グッ !

Edited 2: Random dialogues, OH WELL  ╭( ・ㅂ・)و ̑̑
I swear i’ve never edited a post so frequently like this before

  • harry, yelling across the common room: potter!
  • draco: malfoy!
  • harry: POTTER.
  • draco: MALFOY.
  • harry: POTTER!!!
  • draco: MALFOY!!!!!!
  • ron: wait, why are they both shouting their own last names?
  • hermione, without looking up from her book: they're fighting over which one to use when they get married.
i think you’re a jerk
i think you’re the most beautiful person in the entire world but what you’re doing to me is so ugly
i think your hands are too steady holding the knives you keep plunging into my back
into my chest
i think you’re killing me slowly
i think you know it
i think you don’t care
i think you’re the best thing to ever happen to me
i think losing you is the worst thing to ever happen to me
i think you’re going to be okay
i think i will be too
or maybe i won't 
i think one day but not today
i think you love(d) me
i think i love you
i think i always will
—  i think i care too much about hurting your feelings to tell you what i really think
(cc, 2017)