I swear that would literally be me

let’s talk about lucas sinclair !!!

let’s talk about how he decided to go to the gate, ALONE, because he so incredibly determined to find will. it may not have been well thought out, but that takes courage 

how he took on a demogorgon head on, armed with nothing but a slingshot, and didn’t back down despite it advancing on him only feet away

how he shielded max in that bus with his own body

“you can ask anyone, except will because he’s really sensitive about itA CARING ASS FRIEND

The Bandana™

let’s talk about how, when he is pinned by b*lly, he Fucks His Shit Up (without breaking eye contact): “i said get off me!!”

literally all he wants are his friends Safe and Sound but that is never the case so he can NEVER RELAX

the most level headed and rational of the group!!! dem kiddos would prob be dead long ago if it weren’t for him, let’s be honest

y’all better start appreciating this boy i swear to god

2

Even after their fight, Yeol still smiled cutely at Taeho (ಥ﹏ಥ)

tsc books summed up (spoilers duh)
  • -tmi-
  • city of bones: what the fuck??? hot guy with tattoos??? my best friend is a rat??? mOm
  • city of ashes: family problems. umbridge 2.0 turns out to not be so bad. it's almost like the universe has something against simon lewis being human
  • city of glass: if you thought family problems were bad in the last book, oh boy you have another thing coming. actual incest happens compared to the previous incest-that-wasn't-incest. everyone is an asshole at some point except maybe baby max and yknow what happens to him
  • city of fallen angels: guESS WHOS BACK BACK BACK BACK AGAIN
  • city of lost souls: we can't even focus on the fact that clace is now happily incest-free because of what the shit going down. alec is insecure but we love him. poor amatis. alec becomes a hero yay
  • city of heavenly fire: a lot of people die. we get vague tid references and we meet mini emma and jules before the parabaDRAMA goes down. people walk in on other people doing things. we visit hell for a family vacation.
  • -tid-
  • ca: "i would literally rather be reading than doing any of this"
  • clockwork prince: more family problems also im crying and wow these parabatai are both gorgeous
  • clockwork princess: ducks and demon pox. lots of feels. tessa kicks ass.
  • -tda-
  • lady midnight: i swear that these kids were like 12 what happened why did they grow up and why are they so much cooler than me?? cristina is awesome and malcolm is not. we meet the angel that is kit. this is the book where people still thought Diana was irrelevant lmao joke's on them
  • lord of shadows: HI I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR THIS??? WHY IS MY HEART BEING RIPPPPED OUT OF MY CHEST IM CRYING LIKE EVERY OTHER PAGE except kitty that's cute. asH (morgenstern)? it's a really big damn book
  • qoaad: not even out yet but we're all probably going to die. but is clary?
  • -bonus-
  • tftsa: hi im Simon Lewis and im cool but i don't remember being cool anyways let's hear about waywood that shit is sad
  • the bane chronicles: glitter 💫 and a long line of people who aren't as cool as alec up till we meet alec. shadowhunters suck
  • tlh: we are all going to die wtf is happening with the family trEE?
  • codex: dictionary that you actually enjoy reading
  • twp: (chant this) KITTY KITTY KITTY (sing this) aaaaand a plus sized drusilla blackthorn with her own!! friend group!! yeS!!!
His || Jungkook || 0.6

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Angst, Fluff, Smut.

Teaser | 0.1 | 0.2 | 0.3 | 0.4 | 0.5 | 0.6

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CHAPTER SIX: YOU LIKE HIM.

PLOT SUMMARY: a multichapter imagine fic where the reader is dustin’s older siblings. follows along directly with the events of season 2. she’s friends with nancy, and drama ensues. over the course of the fic we see how the reader reacts to new challenges and a new romantic interest.  ( inspired by two other imagines that i literally can’t find for the life of me. )

CHAPTER SUMMARY: feelings develop and the reader comes to find out that steve truly does care about her.

PAIRING: SLOWBURN Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

WARNING: Swearing and Spoilers

CHAPTERS: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE

WORD COUNT: 2.2K+

After sitting in the cellar for almost two and a half hours and Steve taking it upon himself to comfort you once again. Dustin had finally gotten through the story about the Demogorgon, and the upside down. It was a lot for you to take in. And if both Steve and Dustin didn’t confirm it you would have sworn it was just a bad prank. Also the giant hole in your cellar caused you not to question it very much. A hole, by the way, that looked like it went on for miles.  

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popular text posts + ask memes

❛ i don’t know what i’m doing with my life, but i know i’m doing it wrong ❜
❛ i am so cute and bitter ❜
❛ my life is one part ‘wait’ and another part ‘what’ ❜
❛ my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it ❜
❛ i love sleeping to avoid problems ❜
❛ i hate myself a lot but i get offended when other people do ❜
❛ i’m hungrier than the neopet i neglected for nine years ❜
❛ hit me up if you wanna date a piece of shit ❜
❛ we need some new and more powerful swears ❜
❛ i get progressively uglier throughout the day ❜
❛ i’m so miserable, but i laugh at everything ❜
❛ i need something that is more than coffee, but less than cocaine ❜
❛ just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. it’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot. ❜
❛ 90 out of 10 people agree that math is fucking lame ❜
❛ if you think i’m ugly now, you should have seen me in 2009 ❜
❛ 2010 me would literally be terrified of 2016 me and i love it ❜
❛ i have a rare skin condition called close the fucking blinds ❜
❛ hey babe, i made you this mixtape for valentines day. i don’t know many love songs, so it’s just uptown funk 18 times in a row. ❜
❛ there are people who know me in real life who think i’m straight and that’s really funny to me ❜
❛ i was cursed with expensive taste and a low budget ❜
❛ yo dude i trusted you wtf the fuck? what the fuck?? what the fuck what the ❜
❛ open flannel shirts and lingerie are the hottest thing and nobody can convince me otherwise ❜
❛ i’m the weird dad, wine mom, vodka aunt, and gay emo cousin all in one person ❜
❛ that awful moment when you wake up ❜
❛ damn haha i’m going to have to deal with that sooner or later ❜
❛ are we gonna fucking hold hands tonight or what bitch ❜
❛ people our age have children what the hell i am a children ❜
❛ i don’t like your clothes. take them off. ❜
❛ why am i only motivated to sort my life out at 4 am? ❜
❛ after i die, i’ll probably still complain ❜
❛ people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel ❜
❛ if i don’t insult you daily, it means i don’t like you ❜
❛ do something with your life that would make a 1950s straight white man angry ❜
❛ i need to get laid… to rest. put me in a coffin. let my soul ascend. ❜
❛ i’m trying to be a better person, but some people are testing me ❜
❛ i’m overstressed and underfucked ❜
❛ i can’t wait to be a piece of shit with a bachelors degree ❜
❛ my emo phase never went away, it just aged like fine wine ❜
❛ my whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment ❜
❛ i don’t have time for people who don’t believe in aliens ❜
❛ the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting ❜
❛ why do good concert tickets happen to bad people ❜
❛ i can’t play hard to get i’m already hard to want ❜
❛ i’m still pissed off about growing up ❜
❛ if you listen carefully, you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜
❛ when i die i want my heart donated to NASA so they can finally see what a black hole looks like up close ❜

❛ single and ready to take a 20 hour nap ❜
❛ write ‘nothing is set in stone’ on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back ❜
❛ how do people even put up with me like i can’t even put up with me ❜
❛ the opening riff to mr. brightside could literally raise me from the dead ❜
❛ stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical  ❜
❛ sorry, i’m poor. i can’t afford to pay attention ❜
❛ aziz ansari’s voice in the back of my head faintly telling me to treat myself is going to be my downfall ❜
❛ is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep? ❜
❛ my neutral expression makes me look like i’m always in a bad mood which is convenient because it’s usually true ❜
❛ i never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something is coming ❜

Playing on Roll20, I rolled for a random wilderness encounter, so I had to throw some enemies on a map on the fly. This caused some minor technical difficulties and swearing on my end. My players being my players, this went as well as you would expect.

Me (DM): Okay, you see… shit. Ok, just a sec–

Barbarian: Is it a giant pile of shit? Like, Jurassic Park sized? I roll to seduce the pile of shit.

Barbarian: *rolls a nat 19*

Me: Despite it being a giant, non-sentient pile of literal feces, you can tell that this pile of shit *totally* wants to bang you. Like, it thinks YOU are hot shit.

PULP FICTION 📖 [ACT 2]

PAIRING: steve harrington x reader, billy hargrove x reader

summary: nancy breaks up with steve and he is a bit of a mess when you find him. being the new girl in hawkins you try to befriend and keep nancy off his mind. it backfires and now you have him falling in love with you, as you fight off the urge to fall in love with him, too. [THIS IS AN AU!]

warnings: swearing, sexual situations, violence, death

a/n: holy heck! i was swarmed with positivity! thank you, everyone! also, just to say, i had a smut scene written for literally the opening of this chapter but i was like – hmmm, too much? so i scrapped it. so it will appear later. (i tagged everyone who requested a part2! hope you don’t mind!)

also important to note that i don’t like billy. but he is very hot. i would climb him like a tree. call me a monkey bcs i’m bananas for him. would peel his clothes off in a second. okay i’ll stop now

if you like my stuff and want to support me, don’t forget to treat me to a KO-FI!

MASTERLIST.

[ACT 1]

music.

Your lips move onto his in frantic desire fuelled movements that make your insides tingly and your head spin. Everything is a buzz. The wind howls in your ears and curls the strands of your hair. His cologne intoxicates you and you let yourself be devoured. His hand, first minding its own business, lands on the inside of your thigh and squeezes playfully, possibly in promise of more if you were a good girl. A tingle of excitement sparks. You giggle and smile dreamily, letting one last kiss trail his lips pulling away. And as you open your eyes to meet his ice blue ones looking straight at you in hunger mixed with quiet rage your heart drops and a breath locks in your lungs. A harsh slap echoes in the speeding car and your right cheek burns like it was touched by fire.

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Dating Yoongi;

other members; hoseok | namjoon | park jimin | taehyung | seokjin | jungkook

Originally posted by taesscripts

- him being a complete smol bean, and completely different to how he is on screen and stage
- when he’s stressed out, him asking you to cuddle him
-
“babe, please come and cuddle with me. i’m lonely.”
- and you obviously obliging.
because who would miss out on a suga hug?
- having cute little movie nights every single Saturday, if he’s not on tour
- cute little snores
- GuMmY sMiLeS
- wearing his shirts
-
“y/n, have you seen my grey shirt, i can’t find it anywh- oh.”
-
“sorry, yoongi, you can have it back.”
-
“no, keep it. you look adorable.”
- no pda when the other members are around
- but he can’t stop hugging and kissing you when you’re alone together
- him letting you have little previews of his new songs
- song written about you
- silly and weird snapchats/texts
- lots and lots of swearing
- literally, the guys would think you’re trying to have a competition to see who can swear the most within one conversation
- being with you whenever he can
- “yoongi, go hang with the guys. i can last here on my own for a couple hours.”
- “no, i don’t wanna leave you.”
- “god, you’re such a pain in the ass.”
- “but you love me.”
- “don’t flatter yourself.”
- him taking a while to say “i love you”, but after saying it the first time he’d never stop
- “text me when you get home.”
- s o f t a s f u c k
- he would literally worship you, you were his religion and he’d happily follow you until death
- having really heated and aggressive arguments with him, but after about 10 minutes him kissing you and apologising for what he did wrong.
- “babe, just shut up and kiss me.”
- you gotta have a lot of tolerance
- going on little adventures in the middle of the night. if he wasn’t busy sleeping
- taking long naps with each other
- massive fits of laughter that lasts about 20 minutes at a time
- “what colour are you dying your hair next?”
- being really good friends with the rest of the guys, especially hoseok
- him getting jealous of your and hoseoks relationship
- “min yoongi, i love you, and no one else. okay, hoseok is just a friend.”
- sarcasm
- when he can’t sleep, you’d sit up with him and have deep meaningful conversations about how much you love each other
- “y/n, you know i love you more then anything in this world. i would do anything for you, i honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”
- hIm LeTtInG yOu WeAr HiS lEaThEr JaCkEt
- lazy morning snuggles
- his being the little spoon whilst sleeping
- cute facetimes whilst he’s on tour
- him getting stressed easily and flipping out a lot
- your arguments would be the worst
- lots of shouting and screaming, sometimes things will be thrown around
- him yelling “i fucking hate you, i wish we never met.” before storming out the door
- you probably breaking down into tears
- him coming back several hours later, wit sore eyes
- “I’m so so sorry, you know i didn’t mean it. don’t you? i love you, and without you I’d be nothing.”
- going out on random dates
- yoongi calling you up at stupid times in the morning just so you can cuddle
- cute little suga
- him getting jealous of other boys staring at you
- “hey, prick, get your own girl.”
- grabbing your hand randomly and squeezing it tight whilst saying “i love you.”
- out of the blew hugs from behind
- his deep and husky voice in the morning
- “morning babe. did you sleep well?”
- going crazy over his raps in all the cyphers
- “so, I’m guessing you like my tongue technology.” *winky face*
- so basically you just having the cutest of cute relationships, yeah, you might have a few problems but no relationship is perfect. but yours would obviously be pretty close.
~
sup, hey, how ya doin!
so, heya, i hope you enjoyed this. i will be doing the same for all the rest of the boys, just later on- like next week.
anyway, thanks for reading. and guess what; i have a masterlist! go check that out!
- love ya!
- kala <3
last post; northern dialect

2

#still not over this 2k16

anonymous asked:

Can we have more stories about the Howlies, please?

this is the story of dumdum dougans bowler hat.

there are a lot of crazy stories from when we howlies were settling in together. ( uh. there are also a lot of crazy stories from after we got settled, and a lot of crazy stories in general.) most of us had the kind of overblown personalities that would dominate most other units, which was part of why the higher ups agreed to make us a unit in the first place–nobody else would have us. that being the case, there were a lot of spats between us while we got used to each other. 

what we all rapidly learned was that the best way to deal with those arguments quickly was usually a field test to see who was right. this method of conflict resolution led to such memorable things as the Great Bean-Off, the Red Socks Incident,and the List of Twenty Reasons Peggy Carter Is in Charge. 

It should be noted that peggy carter was never formally a howlie. informally, she was the boss of the howlies. ask steve, he’ll agree.

anyway, if the option was available, arguments would be resolved by trying whatever was being debated and letting reality figure out who was right. 

since this was 1. the army and 2. before cell phone app games were invented, there was almost always an audience for these things, and with that audience came bets about who was right.

war can sometimes be really boring guys, you gotta get your laughs where you can. and laughing at the baddest of asses making regular asses of themselves rapidly became a noble 107th tradition. we made good entertainment, i guess.

this story begins with the fact that the howlies were picked more for personality than skill–which actually worked well, since we had enough diversity of skill anyway–but that meant we had a bit of specialization overlap. namely, dumdum and i were both marksmen.

naturally, dumdum insisted he had better aim. i disagreed. things escalated.

escalation eventually wound up with dumdum yelling “if you’re a better marksman than me, i’ll eat my hat!!”

which. was a terrible choice of words. 

word rapidly spread of the disagreement, and soon enough somebody had set up a firing range for us to resolve the issue. the targets were a couple of thoroughly defaced nazi propaganda posters, and the prize was apparently dumdum dougans hat for dinner. the crowd was some sixty-odd soldiers, and pretty much all of them had placed bets on the outcome.

i won. 

i could stretch that part of this story out longer, but. its me. we all knew i was gonna win.  not to say that dumdum was bad; im just better. 

but the thing about guys like us? we take things literally. so people immediately began insisting that the hat be eaten–some being so helpful as to provide salt and spam as toppings. 

i, being a gentlemanly sort, and also being extremely unwilling to discover what smells dumdum’s digestive system would produce if filled with spam and felt–we all shared a barracks, it would be terrible–instead offered to simply take the hat as payment. 

im nice like that. 

but bowler hats are not a look that works for me–i dont have enough of a handlebar mustache, i think. so the hat would up back on dumdum’s head pretty promptly. but technically it belongs to me.

it’s in the smithsonian now, with a little plaque thanking dumdum’s estate for the donation, but rightfully, its mine.

maybe if i ever grow a handlebar mustache ill go claim it. 

anonymous asked:

Alright your wammy's house memes post is literally the best thing I've seen all week, it made me so happy, if I would ever get to see more of that I'd probably just die

I’m glad you liked it! Here are some more!

- Walking in formation with other kids so your code letters spell out a swear

- Matt is a furry and says nyah unironically

- *Answering calls from L* Hewwo?

- *After finding out L got kicked by Naomi Misora* I can’t believe L is fucking dead

- Referring to post burn Mello as a crispy boy

- All of Near’s toys came from the previous versions of himself which Watari deprogrammed and dismantled for the upgraded version

- Matt doing peace signs in every photo

- Chatting to A when you have to walk down the halls at night on your own so he won’t be lonely

- Mello wearing an ugly Christmas sweater every year, it just has a picture of Near’s face

On this day, 10/22/2017, I would like to first thank God for allowing me to make it to my 25th birthday! But more importantly, I would like to thank God for my biggest birthday gift ever; my family! If you have been following our story, you would know that March 2016 was literally the worst time of our lives! We got a heartbreaking call that our worst fears had come true; a miscarriage 😢. Our worlds literally caved in on us. There were plenty of days that we felt like completely giving up. But god had other plans 😇🙌🏾! Month after month, we kept getting no’s. I swear it seemed as though our dreams of becoming parents would never come true. We honestly felt like giving up but Terrell Joseph kept pushing and kept both of us encouraged until one day we got our yes!!!! TWO TIMES OVER! 😅😜❤️

It has been the hardest task ever to keep such a HUGE secret for 3 months now but JESUS it was worth it to share it with our family and friends last night!

God has a beautiful yet mysterious way of showing us his grace and love. He took us through the most heartbreaking time of our lives and to this day we still do no understand why but it did make us appreciate this gift we have now been given. We vow to be the best parents possible to our children! To put back positivity in a world filled with hatred. To love them unconditionally and to always be there for them! With tears of genuine happiness, we would like to introduce you to the newest members of the Joseph family… Ashton Cole Joseph and Aria Brielle Joseph. Forever daddy’s babies!!! The 🌎 is yours, and we will make sure every piece of it is given to you! 😘❤️😍 #JOSEPHTAKEOVER

Listen Up Rika Haters

I don’t understand why people hate Rika. Oh wait a second, I Do.

People are just blinded by their loyalty to a character or simply don’t understand how mental illnesses work. Don’t fight me on this, you know this is true. Here are the arguments I hear about why people hate Rika:

“She blinded V” okay, and then they forget about that fact that (AND EVEN CHERITZ SAID THEMSLEVES) that V’s hands are just as dirty has Rika’s. But oh wait, “he’s super hot and I’m a horny fuck” your blinded by your loyalty to him. So, if you ever said that’s why you hated Rika, I just assume you are a V Fanboy/girl.

“Because of what she did to Saeran/707” so I’m just gonna assume you’re a Saeran fanboy or 707 fanboy. Because Saeran killed people, he threatened people, and nobody cared. Heres something people need to get straight. SAERAN MADE HIS BROTHER FEEL LIKE SHIT, NOT RIKA.

“She brainwashed people” and who encouraged it? Who thought of it? The oh-so “innocent” V.

“Yoosung talked too much about her”…jealousy. That’s all I have to say.

“She just wanted to be someone’s savior! Selfish” and “don’t use her mental illness as an excuse” “I’m mentally ill too, so this can’t…” well, news flash, there are many types of mental illnesses. Yours may be different from Rikas, and with personal experience with a family member who has the SAME MENTAL ILLNESS as Rika, she thinks she’s god too. She tried killing me because she thought I needed to be saved. She thought she could be a SAVIOR. Sometimes, I feel like when people say “I have a mental illness and stuff like that won’t make me go insane like that” is that they’re only saying that because they want people to believe them. But for those who are honestly being truthful about their illnesses, I hope it gets better :3

“She Flirted with Jumin Han”…I swear…people these days can’t tell a joke from seriousness. She just wanted to make Jumin confused :3 either that, or flustered. But she wasn’t hitting on him. So I’m going to assume you’re a Jumin Fanboy/girl if you get offended because of a joke. Also, Jumin literally locks you up in his home and sexually…I wouldn’t say abuse but somewhere there to you in the bad endings. HE ENDS UP LIKE V!! HE THINKS HIS LOVE IS ENOUGH!! HES OVERDRIVEN BY LOVE!! But oh yah, “Jumins a hot daddy, so he’s cool. He also likes cats and I love cats.” I swear…

Also, guaranteed that if Rika was a hot male, they’d treat Rika like V and Saeran and I can just tell that of that was the case, there would be a Rika x Saeran ship. Don’t lie to me.

By the way, I’m not a Rika fanboy/girl at all. I like Rika as a character. It’s just tired and ridiculous on how people react. Also, please don’t send me 5 pages worth of ridiculous reasons why you hate Rika. I won’t care.

Cherits themselves said that Rika and Yoosung have the exact same personality. However, her mental illness hides her true personality in making her unable to control herself. But nobody hates Yoosung. Smh. Cheritz also said that Rika is a very good character, who can’t understand why her actions were wrong. If she had a good mindset after she’s treated again, she’d probably apologize to everyone about the actions she did, when she had good intentions yet doing it wrong. Cheritz also said that people should stop obsessing about V. They said it makes them a bit..uncomfortable, because to them, V is seen as a bad character. That’s why V WAS NEVER YOURS. So please…just stop with the Rika hate.

Actually, no, I won’t be able to force someone to stop hating Rika, but I want the hate to one down and for people to keep it for themselves. That’s all.

Fore more information, please go to a video called “Let’s Talk About Rika Hate” by MeliZBeauty(/Beats? I forgot the name) and watch that.

Good Day.

Edit: I know both Rika and V are in the wrong. There’s no excuse for their actions, so I do know that. I just wanted to get something off my chest since not a lot of people get to see this, and think V is super innocent. But please don’t send me hate for speaking my opinion. That’s why people like me are scared of talking about defending Rika cause of the hate we get. Just understand that it’s okay to hate her, just know why you are and have a reasonable enough explanation for it. For more information, visit @melizbeauty. She can say it better than I could about the Rika topic. Good day!
Home

Originally posted by hawkwoman

Pairing: Captain Boomerang (Digger Harkness) x Reader

GIF Credit: ^^^

Warnings: Smut and swears, rough sex

Rating: Explicit

A/N: I got two requests from anons and I thought they would be good together: “Anon: Captain boomerang having a tiny s/o who is very fiesty and won’t put up with his bullshit” and “Anon: Digger Harkness begging the reader for sex after him being away for longer than expected but she’s pouting, but finally gives in after him charming her” Also, don’t kill me, I can’t write accents 😂 so just ignore it. Also, this is literally the LAMEST title ever, I’m sorry. @speedypan wanted to be tagged!


You heard the front door open and then he was on you in seconds. He littered your neck in hot, sloppy kisses, his beard slightly scratching your neck. “I’ve missed ya so much love,” he purred in your ear. You punched him lightly in the stomach and pushed him off you. “What the hell was that for?” Digger asked, pouting. You stood up.

“Digger you were gone for over three months! You said that you would be gone for two weeks!” He shrugged his wide shoulders, the faded grey leather trench coat squeaking. Almost reluctantly, he smiled, his gold tooth glinting in the light from the ceiling fan light above him.

“The score was good.” He reached forward and pulled your hips to him. With a low groan, he pulled up your shirt to be above your hips and started kissing your hips. His hands slipped around and grabbed your ass. “I need ya. Now.” You pushed him off you, glaring at him.

“No Digger. You are getting no sex.” Digger mouthed wordlessly at you.

“W-what!? You can’t do that!” He yelled, grabbing the waistband of your shorts and pulling you hard enough that you fell into his lap.

“I can, and I will.” You got up and walked away. Digger got up and literally ran after you. He caught up, pulling roughly on your waist, pulling you tightly against him.

“Baby girl I have missed you.” You fought out of his arms.

“Yeah? Then spend time talking to me and stop trying to get me naked.” Digger groaned loudly. He let you go but sunk to his knees, rubbing his face against your stomach.

“Please baby girl,” he begged. You could not believe it. The ‘terrifying’ Captain Boomerang was literally on his knees, begging you for sex.

“No,” you say, disentangling yourself from him. “Stop begging.”

“Y/n! Please! I need ya. I miss ya and that body.”

“You have two hands,” you snap.

“But those aren’t the same!” He whines loudly, it almost sounded like he was going to cry. You looked down at him, shaking your head and laughing. There was an actual tear rolling down his cheek.

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So, I love how everyone is getting all into the eldritch horror visibly fae knowingly magical encounters. The descriptions are SO COOL. 

But I’ve been thinking about how our understandings of the Fair Folk originated not with people who had these super obvious encounters with this visible magic figure. Instead, they come from people attuned to the ways in which this world as it is, is magical and frightening and overwhelming, and decided that eldritch monsters were the most logical and comforting explanation. So, I’ve been thinking a lot about how so many interactions with the fair folx could happen without the student knowing it….how many of these interactions and deals may have happened already. A few true stories: My roommate joined ROTC her freshman year. Four years of university for free, for five years of military service. Don’t tell me that there is just flesh and bone under the glamour of a military uniform, under the medals worn by those who watched her sign her contract. The Fair Folk have always loved games, and to gamble your life in the future of uncertain war is certainly worth $60,000 tuition per year for four years, plus a monthly stipend.  I have a friend whose financial aid is paid by a grant from some folks from New York City. In exchange, once a year she dresses up, takes out her piercings, and goes to dinner with them.

Sit with us, tell us the stories of your studies, sing for us. Oh, you don’t sing anymore? But you sing so lovely. Sing.

At these dinners, she does not let her smile drop.  I worked with a senior who would be Successful. They did everything, could not say no, every opportunity bigger than the last and they could Do It All. Directing a musical with a full orchestra in the biggest theater, performing across town themself in a different show each weekend for months on end, five classes and a thesis. One night, drunk and at 2am, a time were the glamour drops and world blurs into honesty, they said “I am so fucking lonely.” That is a powerful trade: love as fair as can be, a beating heart, community. But they wanted to be able To Do It All and they did.  A few years ago, the school was raising money for the endowment (the school is always raising money for the endowment). They were holding a fundraising dinner, with Big Important People who must be Inspired by Students Like You in order to donate. They gathered together the most talented performers of the whole university. Dancers whose bodies defied physics, pianists who seemed to play with extra hands, singer whose voices rang inhuman. Maybe there is a reason we already had those skills, it’s hard to know. We’ve all made so many sacrifices already to end up at a school where we can get not a single credit for our talents. Maybe something is already taking its due. Still. They gathered us, and planted us through the field to mime silent excitement as the Big Important People entered the tent in a procession. They had us perform for them – but never in the way we do best. Bottle up your talent, make it look like this. Dressed us all head to toe in white. Gave clear instructions.

Hand them this book. Collect these cards. They will write a wish. If they speak to you, just smile. Do not speak back.

They had us wait behind the kitchen.

Whatever you do, do not eat the food.

The university knows how to make a deal. They know what a little Talent and a little Dignity is worth. And we already owe them so much…why not this too?  In the morning I went back to where the tent had been, only to find an empty football field.  —— I feel like I have to add that the last story is literally 100% true. The others I have taken small creative liberties with (mostly the ‘lonely’ one cause I don’t want that person to be identifiable). But this one is hundo percent reality. Nothing I could add about it would make it sound less weird. They set up this crazy huge tent for it and thousands of dollars of lights and projection equipment, and the next morning had taken down the entire thing. They had this whole projection thing that took up a side of the stadium with a video about how great the university is, except I’d never even HEARD OF most of the professors or programs they interviewed or discussed in it (like its a big uni but still). Went to go look them up the next day, but couldn’t remember the names. They had us count a specific number of steps from one section to another. They had us do a weird running pattern on the stadium stairs that was supposed to look cool but I think just opened a portal in to my own personal hell. I still have the white sneakers and sweatshirt they gave us but I legit have not worn them since that night; I’m slightly scared to wear them but somehow can’t throw them out. When the donors walked in to the tent, we literally just stood around the field jumping up and down with excitement (silently) and waving flags (silently) and for the first time I understood Artaudian horror. They had cards at their table that they were supposed to write these messages on, and then we would collect them in these books, and honestly the whole night is pretty hazy but it was weird. The whole thing was directed by Tony Award winner Diane Paulus (I swear to you this is true). Guys I’m low key pretty sure I’ve been to a revel and let me tell you, you are not a participant. You are there, but at best you are quaint entertainment, to be hidden in the corner when you’re not amusing them. You will do what they ask you (tell you). And there will be a part of you sitting on your shoulder saying, are you really doing that? And the answer will be yes, and it won’t be until after you leave that the wave will crash over you, nearly drowning you in the question, as you sputter awake asking, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JUST HAPPENED? 

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