I’m scared I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you.
I’m scared I’ll never be able to kiss someone again without thinking of you.
I’m scared I’ll never be as compatible as I was with you.
I’m scared I’ll never be able to forget about your smile and the way your voice spoke when you told me you loved me.
I’m scared I’ll never be able to look into the future without seeing your face.
I’m scared I’ll never find someone to teach me how to love again.
—  I’m so fucking scared.
I wonder if you think about all the time we spent together. And I wonder if you remember all the laughs we shared. And I wonder if you remember all those late night conversations we had, sharing our fears and goals; our ups and downs. And I wonder if you remember all the kisses we had, specially the one we had while cuddling on that couch, all alone in the dark. When everybody else were getting drunk so we didn’t care if they would see us. And I wonder if you remember that time you were so cold I had to give you my jacket and embrace you, and you fell asleep for a while, and I remember seeing you, being so innocent and  vulnerable, and thinking to myself: “This girl is amazing”. And I wonder if you remember how I used to look at you when you were talking about something you were passionate about, cause I liked the way your voice was a little bit higher and your eyes wide with excitement. And I also wonderit you remember the playlist I made for you, with all my unsaid feelings. And I wonder if you saw my face that february night when you kissed him right in front of me. And I wonder if you know how much I have suffered since then. And I wonder if sometimes you ask yourself why haven’t we spoken in such a long time. And I continue wondering, because I want to know if you miss me as much as I miss you. And if you think of me as much as I think of you. And if you still love me as much as I still love you.
—  And I keep wondering…

im so sorry

Wait for the boy who’d do anything before he let you fall asleep sad.

Wait for the boy who can put your happiness above his pride.

Wait for the boy that will apologize even if he has done no wrong, because that should be easier to him than losing you.

Wait for the boy who doesn’t make you sad. Wait for the boy who doesn’t make you cry.

Because you don’t deserve the boy who does.

I put on Castiel makeup and didn’t take it off when I put on a dress. This made someone in the house uncomfortable. They told me, as I sat on the couch and they walked into the kitchen, that I needed to take the wig off. They demanded it. I said no, because I was comfortable and I was reading quietly and if they did not want to see me, They could walk through another room. They asked me why several times, and I just said “because I want to.”

“You look like a boy and you’re wearing a dress.” Yes. I suppose I do. But I’m not affecting you. “But it’s wrong.” some years ago, boys wore dresses and pink was a ‘manly’ color. “Times change”. Exactly.

“You’re too accepting”

So be it. But at least I’m not the one demanding you to dress differently to make myself more comfortable.

Listen. If you are male and you want to wear a dress, go ahead. They’re comfortable. Breezy. You’ll look adorable. I look adorable. It’s not ‘wrong’ unless you’re harassing people. If you’re female and have short hair, all the power to you.

Lady Gaga wore a meat dress. I think I’m okay to have eyeliner on my chin and a different hairstyle.

And I still question why you decided to leave when I needed you the most in my life. I wanted you to stay and tell me that we were going to make it through our challenges. You didn’t have to fight for me at all whatsoever because I wasn’t going anywhere. In fact I was so damn sure it was you all along that I was waiting for to meet. I gave you all the love I had and even still you walked right out of my life as if it was all so simple for you. You were the best damn thing to walk into my life in years and I was never prepared to watch you walk away. But you know part of life is all about losing those who mean the most to you. You meant everything to me and losing you has become something I’m learning to accept. I’m not saying I stopped loving because then that would make this entire written piece false, but I’ve accepted your disappearance. I don’t expect for you to ever return but I do expect for you to make it far in life. We may have had our differences but I hope you keep growing into a better person then the one I fell in love with. Always keep a smile on your face and whenever you think of me remember part of me will always be with you even if we become strangers again…
—  baefiveoneoh (March 21, 2015 6:56 PM)

everyone keeps telling me i deserve better than the way you treated me, than the way you left me, and i know, i know.

you left me and never looked back at the damage you caused, and trust me, there was a lot.

i deserve better than that.

but i hate sleeping alone, i crave your arms around me.

and this quiet in my brain is driving me mental, i need to hear your voice to fix my mind.

the way other people taste makes me sick, i miss you.

—  if you said you were sorry and that you still love me and that you made a mistake, if you came back, i would let you, i don’t care what that says about me, missing you is killing me slowly
I knew better than to trust you but I did anyway
I knew better than to need you but I did anyway
I knew better than to love you but I did anyway
I guess I broke my own damn heart.
It must be nice having someone love you back unconditionally. For someone to love every inch of you and never question for a second about being besides you. Must be nice to never question your relationship and have someone pick you up after a rainstorm…
—  baefiveoneoh (Feb 16, 2015)