morrowind male dark elf voice: Listen you fucker. listen. i smoke 5 packs of cigarettes daily. im smoking a cigarette right now. in fact, two cigarettes. i intend to die of lung cancer in approximately 5 months from now
oblivion male dark elf voice: I let other people fuck my wife
The month you were born was the rainy one.
I don’t know if God did that purposely like he knew you’d break a lot of hearts.
Like you’d break mine.
& I’m not numb but I’m not sure how to cry anymore.
I can’t weep, so the skies do for me.
Even at 4 am when I’m fast asleep & I’m losing you in my dreams the rain is hitting my window.
It knows & it taunts me.
My chest feels like it’s caving in so I continue my bad habit of smoking & blame it on that.
Old habits die hard.
Like loving someone.
Yeah I guess I finally said that out loud.
Hopefully, in May some flowers will bloom.
& so will I.
Maybe then you’ll pick me.
Okay, I’m hoping for some big battle against the Court of Owls at the end of the season that everyone gets involved in
And it’ll mean Eddie and Ozzie calling a temporary truce to their personal antagonism in order to survive the onslaught of Court assassins being sent after them (or whatever)
Then, during an ‘eye of the storm’ moment when they are hiding and unsure of their survival, they should take the time for a bit of emotional honesty. Which will be all serious and stuff - Eddie confessing he is glad Oswald survived and he is sorry he tried to kill him and Ozzie was right about them needing each other and stuff. And Ozzie would confess he still loves Ed and all that jazz
But MOST IMPORTANTLY it would include something like -
OSWALD [soft, genuine]: I’m sorry I killed Isabella.
agnes is dead. a story killed her. i am a rough looking man in my 50s, i smoke, like a classy man. ladies love me but i dont remember them. i drink a cup of black coffee while reading the newspaper. i remember agnes tits, she was so shameless and pure. nobody knew her but she had tits and a vagina. i smoke a cigar because i am a classy guy, like marlon brando. i know nobody, i despise everyone. i sleep with other women, who are half my age, but i dont care for them, theyre nameless. i, too, am nameless. i live in an anonymous world, for i am an anymous guy, who smokes. i live the life of a loner, who drinks his coffee black and reads the newspaper. a woman died in front of me but i did not feel anything, i am apathetic. agnes died, as well, she took her tits and vagina with her to her grave. i did not cry, i smoked instead. i write poetry and stories from time to time because i am a classy guy. but they are not interesting, just factual. a woman would not understand, only i can understand. i am a lone wolf, who smokes, and i, too, will die one day in a classy way.
imagine being the guy who platypus (i hate you) was written about and hearing “
Dickhead, Fuckface, cock smoking, mother fucking, asshole, dirty twat, waste of semen, I hope you die, HEY” and just thinking oh geez that’s me
a/n: i can’t believe you all want part 5!!!!! I’m so stoked that i have such a loving following and i just want to thank you guys for everything. this ones for my day one nuggets!
i wonder aimlessly through the school looking for my friends when i hear a familiar voice call my name.
“(y/n)?!” i turn and look int what used to be the blue and gold office
“B?” i question stepping into the dusty room “whats with the drop sheets?”i ask grabbing one of the sheets and pulling it back to reveal a few computers.
“what are you doing in here? I’m pretty sure we can die from smoke inhalation-” i complain coughing, “that doesn’t really make sense-” i roll my eyes at the girl.
“okay anyway i was thinking about starting up the blue and gold, it kinda died after you left-” i walk around the room the feeling of familiarity washing over me.
Betty and I used to run the blue and gold with a few others in freshman year, she reported i photographed and occasionally wrote but we had a few other kids that often did the writing portion of the work load.
“B id love to but I’m writing is extremely rusty, i think we need someone who’s confident in their writing, I’m happy to take pictures like last time” she jumps up and hugs me.
“thank you!” she squeals and i roll my eyes “okay well this place needs some seriously work” she nods “and the writer-?”
and was if on cue theres a beanie wearing brunette leaning against the door frame “andrews” he greets looking over to betty “betts”
“jones” i stand crossing my arms over my chest as i lean against the desk behind me “so is this our writer?” i ask my blonde friend.
“juggie!” betty pulls him into the room, he widens his eyes before walking and sitting next to me our arms brushing against one and another.
“whats up?” i loose focus of the conversation glancing down at our almost touching hands.
he nudges my arm and i shoot up my attention being brought back, “huh?”
the both laugh and i feel embarrassment wash over me “jugs agreed to help us!” she cheers her blonde pony tail swishing.
the bell rings and i grab my bag off the floor, “I’ve got chem, ill see you later?” she nods and i leave the pair not long after jughead comes rushing out touching my shoulder to grab my attention.
“mmh” i murmur turning to the brunette boy “you okay?” i ask weaving my way through the mass.
“yeah i just thought we could walk together, yano since we have chem together-” i nod “its fine, you don’t need an excuse to walk with me jug” i chuckle.
“oh miss andrews” i roll my eyes at the sound, jughead turns around but i grab his arm “don’t even bother glancing at him” i tell the boy as he nods in confusion.
and soon enough the raven haired boy is bouncing in front of me “miss me?” he smirks and i groan “reg your going to make us all late” i complain seeing the class within our reach our teacher already standing inside.
“move reggie!” i complain, i turn to the boy next to me “jug just go ill catch up with you-” he shakes his head “I’m not leaving you alone with him” he glares at the taller boy.
“is that so jones? you yano this is my river vixen, how about you get your own? maybe like betty cooper. maybe she’s freaky in bed like her sister” i can see the anger burning up in his eyes.
“jeez can i just not be such an asshole for once” i grab jugheads hand and push through reggie and head for the classroom door letting jughead walk in first then i follow after him but not before reggie slides in behind me.
his hands find there way down to my skirt giving my ass a squeeze lifting the fabric up slightly
i turn and slap the boy hard across the face “don’t touch me reggie i mean it” i warn stepping close to him poking his chest.
i feel a warm hand on my shoulder pulling me away from the raven headed boy “leave it his just being a blow head” i turn and smile softly to the blonde “tell me bout it”
i glance to see jughead glaring at the boy anger coursing through him, reggie smirks at the beanie clad boy walking past our shared desk
“what’s up Wednesday Addams? you jealous? i get to touch her sweet ass and you don’t?” he chuckles and i catch jugheads shoulder pushing him back down in his chair.
“not. worth. it.” i day through gritted teeth plastering a smile on my face as the raven haired boy smirks walking past and settling in the desk behind us
i can see the anger boiling up inside the boy and i chew on the end of my pen before nudging him with my elbow “he’s just trying to get to you jug just forget it”
“yeah well it’s working” he replies annoyed trying his hardest to focus on his work and not reggie’s constant snickers and the replay of him griping your ass
a mixture of jealous and disgust swirling around in his stomach but feels your warm hand slide over top of his giving it a small squeeze as you pay attention to the front of the class.
“sorry” he mumbles removing his hand from mine and clearing his throat, i swallow feeling a little embarrassed that he pulled away from my touch “don’t worry about it”
the bell rings and i rush out like im on fire, spotting my three friends over by the lockers. i speed walk over rushing over to Kevin giving him a half hug
he chuckles and throws an arm around me “you okay?” he asks and i sigh “just a crap day thats all- what’s that?” he glances down at his phone and i gasp
“oh my god” we say in unison glancing to our new raven haired friend “what?” she closes the locker and gives us a puzzled look. kevin glances at betty before handing his phone over to veronica
allowing her to look at the picture that chuck had uploaded of the two after their date last night, except chuck had got a little carried away with photoshop and added a riverdale ‘sticky maple’ to her face
“what the hell is a sticky maple?!” kevin shrugs nervous “it’s kinda what it sounds like it’s a riverdale thing” he tries to explain and she shakes her head “no it’s a slur shaming thing”
“and im neither a slut nor am i going to be shamed by someone named excuse me chuck clayton”
people take their times to stop in the hall snickering at our new raven haired friend their phones buzzing in their hands as they whisper and point
“move along” i yell annoyed at the crowd that scramble at the sound rushing to get away from us
“does he really think he can get away with this?!” she rambles furious “does he not know who I am?!”
she glances between the three of us “i will cut the breaks in his supped up phallic symbol!”
betty interjects “or we could go to principle weatherbee!”
veronica snaps back “about the coaches son?! who’s captain of the football team and riverdale highs resident golden boy?!”
“and or we-” she pauses nudging me “can expose him in the pages of the blue and gold!! yeah i can do that! she nods frantically placing her hand on kevins shoulder
“spoken like a true good girl who always follows the rules”
i finally speak up “she’s right-” anger bubbles up inside of me “no way-he can’t- not again”
veronica nods at me before shoving Kevin’s phone back into his chest “well i don’t follow rules!”
i agree turning and storming off in the direction of the boyslocker room
it’s not long till veronica is at my side along with betty trailing along “i make them” she seethes “and when necessary i break them”
she turns to the blonde struggling to keep up with the pair of us “you want to help us get revenge on chuck Betty? that’s awesome! but you better be ready to go full dark no stars”
we almost reach the boys locker room and veronica pause turning to face the worried blonde “so what do you say betts in or out”
“im totally in” i leave the two girls not waiting to listen to Betty’s response. we pass jughead who looks worried at my anger he calls my name but i ignore him approaching the doors to the boys locker room
i push through the doors first glancing around to try and spot the culprit but the sea of half naked boys itnwas proving difficult “damn it” i mutter
veronica takes the lead grabbing Betty’s hand and she uses the other to shield her face rushing into the crowd and bumping into the one and only archie andrews
“ronnie, betty, (y/n)? what are you guys doing in here” he quickly rewraps his towel around his torso not wanting to expose himself to the three girls.
“don’t worry about it” ronnie tells my brother attempting to move past him, “no-” he starts blocking our path
“i mean it andrews hit the showers and get out of my way” she shoves past my brother and makes her way deeper into the change rooms
my brother reaches for my shoulder “arch don’t” i move past him and see that veronica and betty have encountered chuck
“b and v- ladies” he licks his lips still wet from the showers, his towel hanging low from his hips his body on full show
veronica steps forward extending her phone toward chuck “this is disgusting, take it down” the boys chuckle
“oh woho why you so wound up? it’s a badge of honour- and well your not exactly virgin territory after your closet date with andrews”
i get ready to interject but betty beats me to it
“okay that’s beyond irrelevant chuck” she pauses “your not allowed to go around humiliating girls for any reason under any circumstances! you-you-jerk!”
her smirks at the blonde addressing her"look i get your not a closet kinda girl but hey, if you want to ride the chuck wagon that can be arranged”
the locker room erupts in snickers the boys rielling each other up
veronica’s quick to defend her best friend “let’s keep this simple so your preppy half murder brain can grasp it
she walks closer to him narrowing the gap between them “take this. the hell. down”
he glances to his boys before leaning down to Veronica’s eye line “see that high, bitch tone attitude might have worked on the betas you dated in new york but-” he pauses “your in bull dog territory now”
the boys back him up by snarling and barking like dogs, how darling of them
“but please fight back” she smirks giddy “your only making it harder for yourself”
betty grabs the raven haired girl but he shoulder and guides her out of the crowed locker room, clearly furious and somewhat embarrassed
as the girls moved im revealed to the jock “oh! is that miss andrews?!” he yells allowing all the boys to turn and gather around me
“you disgust me” i seethe digging my nails into my palms so o don’t lash out at the boy.
“what did you think that you were my last?” he chuckles and i instantly feel sick at the memory “don’t flatter yourself” he smirks
“take it down chuck, now” he rolls his eyes at my persistence “everyone’s already seen it now” he attempts to sass me.
“so you wouldn’t have any problem with deleting it then right?” a bunch of ‘ooohs’ floated around the room making chuck angry
he slams his fist against the locker beside me “did you forget where you are andrews?” the boys start barking again and i roll my eyes at their childishness
“you may be a bulldog chuck but just remember im a vixen and ill bring you down when you least expect it”
i go to punch him and he flinches then continue to try and play it off “well well well, if it isn’t the better half of the andrews” i turn and move past the raven haired jock
“not in the mood reg” i make my way out of the locker room and into the hall when i spot my two friends im presuming making a game plan
“hey wait-” i turn and sigh frustrated “god reggie what now?!” i respond my voice grower louder
he lifts he’s hands up in surrender “is everything okay?” he swallows glancing at me, i hesitate before shaking my head “no but it will be soon enough-” he nods placing a hand on my shoulder
“would you maybe want to come with me to pops tonight? talk about whatever the hell happened in there?” i glance over to my friends then back to reggie
“reggie-” he cuts me off “please (y/n) we haven’t spoken since you moved? i promise it’s just a milkshake and a bite to eat nothing more” i roll my eyes fine 8"
i move away and head over frantically to my friends “ronnie you okay?” she nods offering a small smile
“he took it down- chuck. i made him take it down” she looks up at me and hugs me tight “thank you” i squeeze her back rubbing her back soothingly “its okay” i whisper back
“dad?” i call out closing the front door as i trudge through the house looking for my father.
the sound of drills coming from our backyard was enough to get me curious “dad?” i ask walking out the door and down into our backyard
the shed door was open, my father inside sound proofing our garage. the noise stops as my dad notices my presence “hey kiddo” i smile up at my dad
“what’s all this?”
“just fixing up the shed for your brother, he need somewhere to practice”
i furrow my brows “archies into music? when did that happen?” i chuckle flopping down on one of the couches
“over the summer, there’s a new teacher at the school- miss grundy, she’s been helping archie alot with it” i nod taking in all the new information
“archie never told me about her” i say confused “oh im sure he would’ve wanted to- he probably forget to mention it at some point”
i sit for a few trying to figure out why archie hadn’t told me about his new venture and his closeness to our music teacher
i stand up brushing off my jeans “im going to go to pops” my dad nods “oh pop actually run, wanted to know if you wanted your old job back?”
i widen my eyes surprised “really?!” he nods “you should go see him” i nod giving him a kiss on the cheek before rushing off to the diner
the bell chimes as the door to pops swings open, the older man smiles at me as i walk over the threshold “hey pop!”
“miss andrews just the lady i wanted to see” i smile leaving against the front counter “dad told me the news, id love to come back if you’d like me back” i smile at the man
i worked at pops for about 4 months before i moved, i waitressed and every so often i was allowed into the kitchen to make a few off the menu items
he bends down behind the counter and places my old uniform on the bench in front of me, a cheer to myself running me finger over my badge “thank you!!” i squeal giving him a small hug
“when do you want me to start?” he glances around the semi busy diner “how about now, im expecting hermione to come in soon so you two can keep it down till dinner rush right?” i nod
i grab my uniform and head toward the restroom pausing and turning first “wait who’s hermonie?” he chuckles “it’s fine never mind” i push open the door and change from my school clothes to uniform
when i return to the front desk pop has disappeared and is replaced by a beautiful raven haired older lady, i plaster on a smile and walk toward her
“you must be hermione?” the lady looks up smiling softly at me and dismissing whatever she was doing to walk over to me
“thats me, may i ask who you are?” i mentally face palm “(y/n), andrews- i worked her last year- pop just gave me my job back” she nods
“so your Fred’s daughter?” she questions and i nod “guilty” she giggles at me placing a hand on my shoulder “you look just like your mother- you know your father and i dated in high school”
my jaw drops “no way!! my dad with a woman like you- jeezz i didn’t know he had that much game” the lodge woman smiled at me giving me a nudge on my hip
“your father was devilishly handsome in high school-” i squeeze my eyes shut “oh god- ew” we both share a laugh before I turn and scan the diner spotting a familiar beanie in one of our booths
“friend of yours?” i smile at the thought “yeah something like that- ill be back” i walk over from my fellow co-worker and toward jughead sliding into the booth
“oh im good for a refill- oh (y/n) hey” i smile at the brunette “hey juggie” i play with the ends of my hair as he examines me “cute dress”
i blush and scuff my converse against the diner floor brushing jugheads leg by accident causing me to blush further “its a look isn’t it” i tease and he nods laughing as he continues to type
“i didn’t know you got your job back” he questions eyes moving from me then back to his laptop
“i only just got it back, he called dad and said he’d consider having me back- it’ll be good anyways to get that extra bit of money” he nods silence filling the booth
“can i get you anything? another milkshake?” he closes his laptop and stares into my eyes before dropping to my lips.
i feel something twitch in my stomach that causing me to bite my lip “juggie?” he snapped out of his gaze “hm what?”
i laugh moving myself from my side of the booth to his “do you want me to get you anything?” i say glancing at the empty fries bowls and milkshake glasses.
i knew when he wrote he always ordered a burger and fries to keep him going, sometimes he’d be too wrapped up to even touch the food placed infront of him
he swallows at our closeness eyes darting all over the place “i need to tell you something” he’s arms extends over the back of the booth
“your starting to worry me, what is it? is it important i do have tables to wait” he looks down at my hands placed on his thighs “it’s about your brother, he’s in trouble"
TAG LIST AS PROMISED: @smadrat @natalieroseg @isak-lovelies @lena-lightwood @xbobaaa @savygabby @shadowycomputerrecluse
The flames are all around me, making it hard for me to see
anything but sparks and thick black smoke, and all I can think is that I’m
going to die and Simon will still think I hate him.
I’m curled in on myself, resting my head on my knees, trying
to breathe. Trying to stay conscious, though I know it won’t be for long.
I’m thinking about my mother, too, but not about avenging
her – because after all, what use is revenge? It won’t bring her back. I’m
thinking about what she’d think of me if she knew how I chose to spend all the
time I got to be alive.
I bet she would have liked Simon.
I hear a scream, cutting through the crackling of the fire,
and I realise that he’s still here. He’s flying through the flames towards me –
why is he coming towards me? – and
yelling my name. Baz. Not Basilton.
He lands next to me. I look up, and the ceiling is starting
Everything is bright red and orange and it feels like my
head is on fire.
I can hardly breathe.
‘Get out,’ I gasp.
‘My arm’s dead,’ he says, ‘and you clearly can’t move. I
can’t get you out.’ He’s crying. He’s not wearing his mask, so he just looks
like Simon with wings and a tail, and there are tears running down his cheeks.
There’s nothing left in my lungs except for smoke and I
can’t believe he’s making me convince him to save himself with my last breaths.
‘You don’t need your arm to fly,’ I spit. ‘Fucking go.’
But he doesn’t. He slides down to the floor next to me and
shuffles closer until we’re side by side. He spreads out his wings and wraps
them around me.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ I cough.
‘This might help, with the flames. I heard sirens, the fire
trucks will be here soon, we might be okay…’
I would shove him off, but he was right; I can’t move. I’m
‘Why won’t you leave me?’
I’m crying too now. Simon Snow is going to die trying to
protect me from this fire. Simon is going
‘Because – because I – fuck, because it’s you, Baz, I
couldn’t. I could never.’ He draws his wings more tightly over my head, trying
to shield me from the smoke and the shimmering heat. ‘I know you’re supposed to
be a villain, and I know you probably still want me dead, but you’re not a
villain, you’re just a boy.’
‘I don’t want you dead,’ I sob. ‘I want you to go.’
‘I won’t,’ he whispers. He leans his forehead on my
‘You and your stupid superhero complex,’ I mutter.
He laughs. He lifts up his head so his eyes are level with
mine. They’re alive and dancing with firelight. ‘Goodbye, nemesis mine,’ he
says. And then he presses his lips against mine.
It’s a soft kiss, and he’s pulling away before I have a
chance to recollect myself. I close my eyes, and I use the last of my strength
to grab a fistful of his shirt and pull him back to me.
This time there’s no uncertainty in the kiss. It’s messy,
and desperate, and I can feel the heat of the flames even through his wings and
I know that this is the end. I can taste his tears and feel him all around me
trying to protect me and as dying moments go, this one’s better than I could
have hoped for.
I give him everything I have.
We don’t pause for breath.
Until finally, the fire is too close, and the heat becomes
too much, and I pass out.
“so… yeah..! okay, now that we’re a little high… i’ve got something fun for us. how about some corny pick up lines? for practice..? i’ll go. have you ever read Looking for Alaska? “Ya’ll smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.” i was thinking… well… i smoke to die too, but at least it’s dying while having a smoke with you. shit! not gonna lie, this is mad tripping me out.“
“let’s talk about your smile for a minute. the way you smile with such happiness? they can’t take that away from me… unless they take your eyes… or my smile.”
Laughter is being shared between the two with the half-gone blunt as an hourglass. They both decided that skipping class for one day during senior year is becoming pretty stoked.
“okay that’s pretty fucking good. how about this. if you already have a romeo, i’m fine with being your side romeo.”
She chokes while taking a long drag and coughs herself into character.
“oh. my. god. dead. hold up. baby, when i’m with you, within seconds i’m sweating. you are the most effective personal trainer.”
They’re trying real hard not to be too loud, someone might be around, but at this point, who fucking cares, right?
“we’re totally killing this shit, huh? look at us. i’m high. you’re high. talk about putting someone on a high pedestal.”
“… hey… i’m glad that you showed up today…”
“dude, like don’t fuck up the buzz. let’s just laugh.”
“yeah, i’m sorry… look, i’m just going to miss you a lot, okay? like a lot, a lot. no bullshit.”
“i’m going to miss you “a lot, a lot” too.“
The roach scatters as it hits the lawn. They always come here after lunch, but today’s a little different. School is almost over. Under the football stadium bleachers it was just nature and them. No one to tell them how to act, how to behave, who to like, what grades to make, no one to break their true identities, beneath those bleachers they could be The Joker and Harley Quinn and that’s the best part about today. They get to have the last laugh without Batman fucking shit up. As the sun leans over to eavesdrop onto them–
Their smiling, this is exactly how they’ll remember each other. Happy. Stoned af. Lit. Just living. Being. As something genuine.
Genre: Some angst, served with a side of fluffy, sprinkled with a bit of smut, and drizzled with some more heartfelt angst.
Word Count: 3,560
~ Took a quick break from Summer Boy this weekend. Hope you all don’t mind! I wanted to write this story while it was still fresh and I had the motivation for it. Enjoy ♡
I made my way down the alley, short heels sliding on the wet pavement. The humidity after the rain lingered in the warm night. The air hitting through the ripped holes of my jet black jeans. The cars of the busy highway could be heard off in the distance, while everything around me was silent. The white street lights lit my path through the abandoned alleyway, leading to the abandoned lot after the buildings. I heard a small crash from one of the dumpsters at my right, followed by a black cat running from out of it.
Finally reaching the empty lot, almost empty except for a single car. His car only. I could already make of his tall figure sitting up on the hood of his old Chevy Malibu. My steps approaching him was the only nearby noise but he didn’t even try to look. He only moved every time he brought the dull cigarette from his lips. He was staring off into the distance of the city skyline, so far away and yet so close.
I ran my hand over the faded paint of his car, looking up at him as he was illuminated under the street light above us. The light made strong highlights and contours on his beautiful structured face. I walked over to the front of the car, leaning against it and took a look at what he gazed off to.
“What are you doing?” His voice was deep and sounded dry of any emotions. Yet is was like silk to me and caused a feeling of shudder.
“Wasting my time and wasting your life,” I answered over-honestly. I could see the smoke that had just left his mouth, die away in the air from the corner of my eye.
“I meant here, with me.” I knew what he meant. He knew that too. I could feel his eyes burning a hole through me without having to look back. My body always naturally reacted that way from his stare.
“Does the answer really change Namjoon?” His name tasted like old honey on my lips every time I pronounced it.
He wasn’t my boyfriend because we both hated titles. I did, however, love him, though. He lived for love and loved his addiction and me too. Being a lover on the side might not sound appealing to some but for me, I wouldn’t have any other way. He was worth having in your life in any way. He has a fire and he walks with it, he had a fire but talks with fame. He was a born philosopher and longed for anything and everything. He prayed for love and for peace and anything new. He created big dreams and still settled for small conditions. He never rejected the people he met, he once told me everyone was worthy and full of unknown knowledge and potential. Even someone like me. I don’t know if I believed all that but damn could that boy talk. Talk and talk like he knew it all but most of the timed talked about wanting to know more.
He walked into my workplace about seven months ago. The moment my eyes landed on him and his on mine, it was the first time I had that burning sensation. When I saw the fire he held around him. He sat and watched me through my entire performance, never had I been so distracted, five full songs later and he met me at the bar. Then my broken smile touched him unexpectedly. I was more of a hard rock and he grew up on hip-hop but I had never felt like I’ve gotten to know anyone so well by knowing nothing at all. That was the first night I dreamt of Kim Namjoon and after that, he was everywhere and he was everyone. I did not see him for almost a full month until he showed up once again outside of the bar I worked at. He had approached me with concern as to why my face of an angel was all he thought about. He had first come to the bar on his way to another town and when he got there, all he could think of was coming back. He was convinced there was something meant for him here and it started with me. I clung to him like safety and we could not be separated. I learned more about him and his lust for knowledge and everything he was deprived off as a child. He was full faith believer, opening up to the wonders of his mind and the world we shared.
That’s when I knew he’s what I needed. He was that one percent of the world that didn’t follow the norm. He taught me what no school, no class ever could. He eased my impulsive behavior and made me want to become more like him. So since we’ve met, I’ve tried hard to not get into trouble but there was a war in my mind that I could not contain. I only ever wanted to have fun, letting my immature heart show me the way. I may not be the only one, who regrets the things they’ve done but seems to be only me, who can still stand that reflection that I see. It’s been so long since I’ve been able walked down the street where I grew up and smile at the people who once knew me. Most of them look away or just don’t recognize me during the light of day. I had created myself on pure sin and self-destruction long before Namjoon. He was Plato and I was his Bonnie on the side.
“Shouldn’t you be working at this hour?” He asked more specifically. A cough erupted from his chest probably after a strong drag from his cigarette. He didn’t offer me any, knowing I would reject it anyway.
“I quit.” I could hear the bottom of his shoe hit against the metal of the car. I took in a deep breath, the kind you take right before a doctor stabs you with an injection. Preparing for what was to come next.
“What are you talking about?” His voice had cut off the monotone expression and spoke with angered worry. “You can’t be serious. You need that money (Y/n).”
“I don’t want it!” He huffed behind me like he was about to laugh, that’s how I knew he was upset. He tossed the remains of his cigarette on the floor in front of me, the car was shifting as he made his way down from it.
“Don’t be stupid (Y/n). How else are you going to pay for your education?” I rolled my eyes as he was going to begin to lecture me, which I had learned to usually love. but not when it came to this. “You’ve been saving up money to go back to school and now you’re just going to quit?” He took everything I did too personal. As if I were purposely trying to annoy him with my life choices.
“Yeah okay. That’s how easy it is, right?” He was standing on his feet, facing me but I would only give him my profile. “I go to back school, graduate, get some shit job. Work all my life until I get pregnant, have a bunch of kids and then just wait to die old.” That’s what he wanted. The life everyone wanted and aspired too. “I don’t want that. I want to do more and live in other ways.”
“You have the chance to go to school. Do you know how much I envy that?” I crossed my arms over my chest. I knitted my brows as my eyes began to water from anger. “Do you want to spend your life like me? Going from place to place, never having a home or a chance?”
“Yes! I want to leave here Namjoon, go see what else is out there!” I turned to face him with pleading eyes. Pleading for him to understand me.
“There is nothing out there for people like me, (Y/n). This is your best chance.” I stepped closer to him. Grabbing at the loose material of his shirt, clinging onto him and bringing him closer.
“Take me with you.” He signed, gently taking my wrists in his hands. “There is nothing here for me Namjoon. Please.” He stopped trying to fight me for a moment, actually looking me in the eyes, not liking how they teared up.
“What about your family? You can’t just leave them.” He was willing to play any card. Anything that he could think of to make me change my mind.
“They don’t need me. I’m old enough to go on my own…” It was him who told me that I needed to my decisions for myself and not others, even if that meant causing others pain. I had already done that enough to my family. “Their lives are better off without me anyway.”
His shirt slipped out of my softening grip, I turned away from his face in shame. It was true and he knew that, he would just never admit it. I was waiting for him to respond with another argument but I was surprised when he grabbed me by my arms and pulled me against him. He pressed his lips against mine, tasting like bitter tobacco and sweetened coffee. He kissed me slowly, like he always did, slow but warm and meaningful. His lips were just as soft and plump every time. His fire aura could be felt in my body when he touched me and kissed me like this. From the beginning, he warned me that he could get up and leave at any time, out of the blue with little to no warning. Which might be why he always kissed like it was the last time.
“Don’t…Don’t ever say that again.” He had his nose brush against mine, foreheads connected. He hand cupped my cheek, using his thumb to clear my face from a tear, that I hadn’t even noticed slip out. I nodded my head lightly, leaning my cheek against the comforting softness of his palm. Namjoon leaned up and kissed my forehead, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me. I could hear his heartbeat, like a drum playing a beautiful melody. His cheek rested on top of my head and messy hair. He didn’t pull away not even when it began to pour rain. “I’ll take you home.”
I opened the door to my small and ragged studio apartment, the sound of our wet shoes muddying up the floor as we stepped in. It wasn’t a nice place but it was all mine and here no one could bother me or be bothered by me. Namjoon walked through my place already familiar with its structure and where everything was. Going straight to my wardrobe to pull clothes for the both of us, while I grabbed a towel from the bathroom.
There was already had a drawer of his clothes in there for him. Namjoon would usually stay in his car or in a motel but since coming here, there was one night where I trusted him enough to allow him to stay the night. That same night I found myself sneaking out of my bed to the couch with him as he laid awake. On that couch is where we made love for the first time. It was a feeling I won’t forget, the feeling of falling in love for the first time. He’s had me feeling everything, from hate to lust, from lust to love and love to truth, that’s where he has me now. Stuck between our fantasy love and the painful truth.
We both got changed into dry clothes before I asked him to spend the night with me. I’ve been growing undependable to not have him close since the first time. We both let ourselves enjoy each others company despite the effect it was having on our lives. He stopped traveling to stay here and I stopped living to keep him here. I was a nonbeliever with a foolish dream to start my life over by not doing anything at. Now believing that having him by side will show me the way out of my mind.
“I don’t know what the hell is going on with you but,” He laid in my bed with me by his side, legs, and feet entangled under the sheets for warmth. “I will love you more than you will ever know.”
His voice soothed the severe thoughts in my head for a perfect moment. His hands ran up my back with my leg swung over his waist. My head rested next to his as I ran my hand through the thick stands of his hair.
“I want your love and all of your love without having any regrets.” Namjoon’s hand ran down my back and to my leg that was hooked around him. He grabbed the back of my thigh and pulled me on top of his chest.
“Baby I want you to know how much I love you,” He held me with no space between us, I was pressed against him by his own demanding hands. “How much I need you.” He guided my lips onto his. Running his mouth over mine with passionate longing. My eyes shut gently, taking in deep breaths through my nose, his hands making goosebumps form over my surface. Taking in the taste only his lips allowed. I slid myself off his chest, to move up closer to his lips, afraid to disconnect them. He had me in flames.
He pulled off my clothes, positioning my legs on either side of his hips. Not pulling away from his kiss for even a moment. It took my breath away and was the most pleasant feeling of suffocation there was. He admired my body, worshiped it while I gave myself over to him like many times before. I could beg him for pleasure and would go to him blind after dreaming about his every night this week. His hands caressed and his fingers dug into the bare skin of my intimacy. Making every inch of my skin burn up at his command. Soft moans fell onto his lips while they still pressed against mine. They were moist and tender from all the physical friction. He pushed my hips to grind against his hard crotch. Namjoon was mellow when it came to be vocally honestly about how good he felt during our lovemaking sessions. He was loud, grunt and groaned at the feeling as our beautiful bodies collided, bumped, and grind.
He led me to sit on his length, everything in us stood still, our breaths and moans stopped, to enjoy the union of our bodies as one. He was part of me and I was part of him, and the fire that he had in his soul was burning up inside me. He held me close, closer than ever before, bringing my hips to the rhythm of our hearts. Our bodies mixed in sweat and arousal. I watched his eyes, big pools of warmth and mystery. They seem to draw you in, making you feel lost yet at ease. His tranquilizing voice only adding to his attraction and appeal, urging you to try and figure him out even if you can’t.
He spoke my name like is was a secret of the universe; like it was the only name he ever needed to know. His hands tightened around my hips driving me faster and harder to our climaxes. He wanted it more than anything, he searched for the feeling of ecstasy in our pleasure, sharing the high and feeding off each others euphoria. My whimpers became likes cries of pain. The pleasure ripping through my vocal cords as his encouragement. My hands scratched at his soft skin, making him grunt at the slight pain that he enjoyed.
“N-Namjoon… my god!” I struggled to speak what I wanted. My head was feeling hazy and the words could just barely came out. I wanted to tell him how good he felt, how well he made me feel. How no one had ever taken me like he had but he already knew that.
“Yes! That’s it (Y/n), baby. Yes!” He tossed his head back, his neck vein throbbing out and gripping my hand tightly. My body began to tremble over his, his fingers were locked with mine keeping me from escaping and only being with him. His fire spread through every inch of my body taking me high out of this world and to our own.
My legs laid numb against his, his arms kept my naked sweat glistening body warm without the covers that were kicked to the foot of the bed. I was back where I started the night, my head by his and leg swung around his waist. I watched how his chest rose and fell with his heavy breathing, how his hair stuck around his sweaty forehead, eyes being a muted high while sober. He was the most beautiful thing the universe could have created, an absolute dream. He once told me that everything that is beautiful had to be once broken to become that way, that’s what gave it value and worth. He was broken and I couldn’t fix him or make him better but I could wait, wait a million years if he needed. All he had to do was call for me and I would come running, through storms and oceans. One day the world would realize his worth and love him, so I loved him before they all did.
“So can you love me?” He suddenly said. My hand rubbed on his chest, feeling how it vibrated as he spoke, “When my mystery fades and you’re used to my face, until you can’t love me?”
“But until then,” I ran my hand down his cheek, turning his face to look at mine, stroking where his dimpled showed in a smile. “Baby I’ve got you.”
I woke up the next morning with the sheets tucked around me, a loud shutting sound is what brought me awake. The sun was barely coming up and it made a light gray color shine in through the blinds. I turned around onto my back in the empty bed to find Namjoon standing by my wardrobe, taking his clothes out of his drawer. He was changed into his dry clothes from last night and his actions seemed slow and hesitant. He stopped, as he felt me staring at him, his eyes found me reading an apologizing sorrow look on them. I felt my heart sink out of my chest and a painful feeling of dread overwhelmed me. Still, I brought myself to foolishly ask him,
“W-what are you doing?” I gulped as my mouth seemed to dry. He looked down at the bag he clenched in his hand and let it drop to the floor, with a thud on the wood. He stepped over it and took a seat on my side of the bed. The sheets were pressed against my bare chest as he tried to take a hold of my hands. Like he always did, when he was about to speak the cold bitter truth.
“(Y/n) I-” I yanked my hand away from his touch and bit my lip to keep it from letting out anything stupid. “You knew I couldn’t stay here…” He signed. Namjoon looked down to his lap and hands I had reject for the first time.
“So you were just going to leave without-!” I stopped myself and shook my head, turning away from him. “Of course you were…” I mumbled to myself.
I knew of this. How love could be mean and how it hurt but it was only his love that burned and bled. So I sat and watched him gather all of this belongings. Packing everything that would ever remind me that he existed and was ever in my life. He was removing himself from me and could not leave anything that I could cling onto desperately.
“I will love you till the end of time,” Namjoon mumbled against my ear, arms holding me like a python. I took in the scent of his skin, coffee, cigarettes, and honey. “Promise to remember that you’re mine (Y/n)…”
“I could wait a million years.”
Someone like Kim Namjoon was a like a butterfly, beautiful and fragile. Could only be admired from afar and if you got too close, you risked destroying it. He flew away for his own safety and was a victim to his wanderlust. He left because he was sure he would come back, this was where he knew he was meant to be. But he got here too soon, there was still so much more he needed to see and learn about himself. He left now because now he was sure that he would have something to come back for. He will come back for me one day. He was giving me time to find my own safety and clarity without him. I might be just a low life bad girl but he too, was a sad boy with a lust for everything.