I pray to god this works

anonymous asked:

Pray for me: I'm working a open to close/open back-to-back bc my coworker decided not to check her shift then lied to me about being able to come in & didn't find herself a replacement. That's nearly 20hrs in two days for me ha ha ha

Dear god I hope you’re ok fam 😵

A college professor was addressing his history class. He began his lecture by saying, “Let’s get one thing straight: God is not real; the only God is Obama and the powerful female clitoris.” One student raised his hand and stood up and said, “Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, but where I come from we don’t talk bad about God, because he’s our best friend.” The professor then said, “What are you, an idiot? Shut up, idiot. This is college and we hate Christ. Who do you think you are, Christian?” The student responded by picking up his bag, putting on his cowboy hat and punching the teacher in the face. “My name is Sgt. Johnathan Gunderson. And your plan won’t work, Goltar.” Because when the sergeant punched the professor, he punched the mask off of his face, revealing the praying mantis head underneath. “You’ve figured out my evil plan this time, Sgt. Gunderson. But as long as there are aborted fetuses for me to feast upon, I will always be stronger than America!” He then flew away to his lair. Share this status if you want to save America and end abortion.


i’ve been trying to post a drawing every day so…here’s some lineless practice with allura holding… molten steel? a star? you decide.

Here is my Queen! (You can see more on my Instagram: @vel.ly) I’ve spend 26 hours to draw it and now, it is almost done. tyleroakley is one of my favorite YouTubers and he inspires me to be myself and keep doing what I like and want. So I just want to say that I’m really grateful to him, hope, that he’ll read it!
Only now I realized that Tyler Oakley has a blue hair now and I was like ‘Oh, damn, I’m stupid as fuck’. But here it is the result of my efforts.
I really want Tyler Oakley to see it so, please, if it isn’t hard for you, tag him, as he can see my work. And I’m just going to pray all the gods I know and maybe he’ll see my drawing. If it’s happen it’s gona be the best gift for me at the beginning of the New Year!

“I got into a very desperate situation last year. I was under a lot of stress because my dad was in the hospital with a terminal illness. I didn’t have much income, my credit was bad, and I needed a new place to live. So I responded to a listing on Craigslist. And because of my desperation, I ended up living with a hoarder. I was completely despondent. So for the next two days, I walked around New York and asked hundreds of people to say a prayer for me. Or if they didn’t want to pray, I asked them to say something nice to me. Most people just said: ‘God bless you’ or ‘I hope things work out.’ I asked priests, monks, bank tellers, security guards, homeless people, mentally ill people… everyone. I’d say that I approached about 200 people. Then at the end of the two days, a post from a friend popped on my newsfeed. It said: ‘I have an empty room and need someone to move in today.’ So one of those prayers worked. I’m just not sure which one it was.”

It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.
—  Gordon B. Hinckley
Modern Pagan Ways to Worship

I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways I worship the gods, and watching my other Pagan friends to see how different our styles are. I thought I might list some of the ways I’ve noticed. Feel free to add anything you think is worth mentioning!

Learning about the gods: This is always the first thing I tell people to do when they decide to work with a new god. Read the stories we do have about them, even if there’s only one. What are scholars saying about the story/ies? What can we learn from knowing about the culture of the time? Is there any crossover from other cultures and mythologies?

Prayer: The obvious one, but perhaps not one that all Pagans engage in for fear of feeling ‘too Christian.’ Ceiswir Serith has a great guide, “A Book of Pagan Prayer,” if you want to take a look at new ways to pray. 

Offering food/drink: Whether you’re offering a separate meal to the goddesses or sharing a part of your plate, this is a very old tradition. Some gods prefer you partake of the meal, and others don’t. Whatever is best for you, offering a glass of wine or a portion of your lunch to the gods also makes you more conscious of the food you’re ingesting.

Building/maintaining an altar: Another very common one under the Pagan umbrella. We dedicate a space to a deity or deities, and decorate it as a workspace for spells, a welcome mat for the god(s)/ess(es) we worship.

Donning a deities’ associations: If yours is a sea goddess, it is likely she’ll prefer you wearing shells, pearls, or colors that remind her of her home. By contrast, a fire god might like to see you sporting some carnelian or even lava rock. Wearing their colors, crystals/stones, scents, animal representations, symbols (either overt or covert), etc., is a way to remind yourself of them throughout the day.

Writing: Some Pagans keep journals, a Book of Shadows, and blogs to write to and about the gods. If you’re a verbal learner, this can be a great way to figure out your feelings if you’re working through new concepts, or to tell stories about your deities if they like to hear you talk about them.

Art: Other Pagans like to draw, paint, or otherwise decorate parts of their world with a visual representation of their god(s)/ess(es), their associations, or experiences they’ve had with their deity.

Music: Writing a chant, alternative Christmas carol lyrics, or compositions can be a great way to worship! Don’t forget drum circles and jam sessions.

Meditation: One of my personal favorites, guiding yourself (or having them guide you) through a visual meditation to show them more of their world. You can learn a lot about a god this way.

Crafty hobbies: Making jewelery, fetishes, or other gifts for the gods can be a relaxing and informative way to learn about how you see your goddesses compared to how other people do.

Volunteer work: Many goddesses and gods require their followers to flow good energy back into the world, whether that’s by volunteering at a women’s shelter, running a recycling campaign in your neighborhood, or counselling LGBTQ+ youth, this is a rewarding way to prove you can put your money where your mouth is, spiritually speaking.

Academic work: Particularly for knowledge/wisdom deities, this can be a good one for students. Silently dedicating your homework assignments to your gods can boost the quality of the work you turn in–it’s going to someone a little higher than your professor, after all!

Designing sigils and symbols: A lot of people are starting to take up the sigil-making hobby, which is great! Making a unique symbol for your deities lets them know you’re thinking of them, without necessarily letting other people know. Particularly good for people in non-Pagan-friendly households.

“I studied to be a teacher, but I’m young, so I knew I’d be forced to fight. I don’t like fighting. I don’t like blood. But I was the only one working so I couldn’t leave or my family would go hungry. But my mother begged me to leave. She kissed my feet. She said she wouldn’t mind starving if she knew that I was safe. I hired a smuggler but he took all my money and left me at the border. He told me that he’d call me when the passage was safe, but then he turned off his phone. I was all alone and stuck without money. I called my mother and she said that she’d pray for God to send someone to help me. Then I met this man. I told him my story and he loaned me the money I needed to get to Europe. He treated me like one of his family. I’ll pay him back when I get to Germany, but until then I’m trying to return the favor by helping him carry his children.” (Vienna, Austria)


Ibolya Feher: Sisters of Sclerder, 2011

“Sisters of Sclerder” is a photography project bringing together my long- term interest in every day life and spirituality. During this project I worked closely with the Sisters of a Carmelite Monastery in Cornwall. The Carmelite order is one of the oldest and strictest among the female contemplative orders. Sclerder Abbey is an enclosed monastery where outsiders are allowed only on rare occasions. Apart from the two recreation times the sisters spend their day in prayer and working in silence, only talking when it is necessary.

My work explores monastic life as an alternative way of living at the beginning of the 21st century in Britain. As our contemporary society is driven by materialism and is ever more homogenised, it is increasingly challenging to find alternative, more spiritual lifestyles. The Nuns take vows of obedience, poverty and chastity and dedicate their life to live in unity with God and to pray for the world. As a community their simple but strict lifestyle allows them to seek harmony and happiness.

As a photographer I was aiming to be non judgmental and my project reflects my personal view of how I saw the Sisters and their life during my visits. (artist statement)

“In the Jewish tradition, the separation between prayer and action is slight. We’re mindful of the admonition in Isaiah where God says, “I don’t want your fast and your sacrifice. I want you to deal your bread to the hungry, tear apart the chains of the oppressed.” And Leviticus 19 tells us that to be holy in the way God is holy means to set aside a corner of our fields for the poor and homeless, to pay the laborer a timely and fair wage, and to remove stumbling blocks. These are religious activities just as much as prayer is. They are all woven together.

After participating in the civil rights march in Selma, Alabama, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, one of this century’s great religious figures and a close colleague of Martin Luther King, said, “It felt like my feet were praying.” Prayer is not just the communication we have with God; it is also the work we do to make God’s values real to the world. I think God listens to both kinds of prayer with equal joy.”

—  Rabbi David Saperstein (via rac.org)

So much easier said than done. I’ll admit I struggle with this. My fiancé says sometimes I’ll go through seasons where I suffer from what he calls “comparitis.” And he’s right. Apart from many comparisons being physical, there’s also the ones where I see people living the life I’ve prayed through, struggled through, and dreamed of for years. I’ll think, “How come I’m not there yet? I’ve been struggling. I’ve put in the hard work. Why hasn’t it happened for me?” How prideful and selfish of me. By thinking that, I’ve just made room for resentment instead – resentment towards Him and towards the innocent I’m comparing my own journey to. And yet although I don’t deserve His Grace, the beauty of going through this struggle is how God will gently show me my worth over and over again and reteach me to trust in Him by taking those thoughts captive and slowly breaking down walls I wasn’t aware I’d built. True love rejoices and He wins me over, always.

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When they ask me about my future wife, I always tell them that her eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long. I tell them that she has a walk that can make an atheist believe in God just long enough to say, ‘God damn’. I tell them that if my alarm clock sounded like her voice, my snooze button would collect dust. I tell them that if she came in a bottle, I would drink her until my vision is blurry and my friends take away my keys. I tell them that if she was a book, I would memorize her table of contents. I would read her, cover to cover, hoping to find typos, just so we could both have something to work on, because aren’t we all unfinished? Don’t we all need editing? Aren’t we all waiting to be read by someone, praying they will tell us that we make sense? She doesn’t always make sense but I swear to God, her imperfections are the things that I love about her the most. I don’t know when I will be married, I don’t know where I will be married, but I do know this: whenever I’m asked to describe my future wife, I do so as best as I can and every single time, she sounds a lot like you. Every single time, she sounds a lot like you.

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‘The Divine Zero’ (lyrics)

Maybe I could swim into your thoughts like your drugs do
Paralyze your body
Sick and tired of waking up to, burning eyes and cigarettes
I’m falling through the couch like a suicide mission tonight
My God, here comes the downside

Wild eyes of terror pray for sex on the beach while,
oceans of kerosene will soak into me
I’m not meant for this world, I just don’t see the point
Don’t think about it, don’t over think about it
And life is a joke
But everything’s riding on me tonight
Been counting the stars and scars,
how I’m becoming a work of art

In desperate times and desperate measures
I come so close, my hopes are severed by the downside
A million waves in the ocean crash at once to make you smile
The whispered words, “You’d better hide the bullets.”
You stayed on the phone and talked to me day and night

Trigger my nightmare once again
And it’s fucking loaded in hand
And we’ll let fire rage
The smoke and the drowning flames
My bedroom computer light is the only menace to my new faux wooden blinds

In desperate time and desperate measures
I come so close, my hopes are severed by the downside
A million waves in the ocean crash at once to make you smile

Now, I only pray when it all goes down
I’ll be surrounded by all of the ones I’ve loved and cared about
And then burn it down
And life is a joke
But at least I can love you, naked and tattooed
Counting the stars and scars
And if the pain is a sound, let’s slow it down

Desperate times and desperate measures
I come so close, my hopes are severed by the downside
A million waves in the ocean crash at once to make you smile
Now, I only pray when it all goes down
I’ll be surrounded by all of the ones I’ve loved and cared about
And then burn it down

Your serotonin’s gone
The kerosene is gone
The sunset is gone
So hold on

“Each time this happens I am going to say that we can actually do something about it, but we’re going to have to change our laws. And this is not something I can do by myself. I’ve got to have a Congress and I’ve got to have state legislatures and governors who are willing to work with me on this. I hope and pray that I don’t have to come out again during my tenure as President to offer my condolences to families in these circumstances. But based on my experience as President, I can’t guarantee that. And that’s terrible to say. And it can change. May God bless the memories of those who were killed today. May He bring comfort to their families, and courage to the injured as they fight their way back. And may He give us the strength to come together and find the courage to change.” —President Obama on the shooting in Roseburg, Oregon

Your body is a temple
and he’ll get down on his knees
but you’ll be the one praying
Jesus can’t save you now
because you’re wearing a cross necklace
but you’re not wearing a shirt
and religion works in churches
not in unisex public restrooms
so how do you feel God between your legs?
Or maybe it’s the devil,
you’re not sure if you care
When you were young you went to church and pretended wine was blood
and now you pretend blood is wine
You believe in pregnant virgins and resurrection
but you never thought it’d be his tongue that brought you back to life
You might as well use the bible pages to wipe up your cum
You might as well get nailed on the cross
(if you know what I mean)
God forgives,
but do you?
And do you want him to?
Doesn’t it feel so good to sin?
Daddy didn’t raise his little girl like this
You’re a fallen angel and it’s under his tongue that you collapse
You’re supposed to talk to God, not scream out his name in bed
Your hands are for praying,
get them away from your thighs
This is not holy
even though it feels that way
Are angels’ wings for flying or are they keeping them from touching themselves?
Why are the lines so blurred between science and sin?
If God didn’t want you to do this then why does it feel like the heaven that you can’t get into anymore?
Thou shall not seek pleasure in your body
Thou shall prop it up untouched like a symbol of purity
You’re seventeen and wearing your childhood innocence like a halo,
but when your head hits the pillow, it cracks
(no more white wedding)
(the gates to heaven are locked)
“Your body is a temple but you let him burn it down”
No, your body is a body
it’s skin and bones and flesh
and Jesus didn’t save you
You did that yourself
If there’s a God, it’s you
They’ll write stories about you one day
Not the space between your legs
or the boys you brought to bed
or the girls you kissed to wash the word “abomination” out of your mouth
The devil is not below you
He swims inside your blood
while God lives inside your bones
You’re bigger than them both
So if a ring on your finger makes the hand inside you okay
then break them off
You’re meant to have claws, anyway
—  In the case of Sex vs. Religion, the court finds religion guilty in attempted shame of sex (alternatively titled “I am not Mary, I am so much more)