I need to focus on college and the people who are genuinely important

Cocky (Jungkook College AU)

Originally posted by jengkook

Jungkook x Reader AU (Gender Neutral)

a/n: wow it’s been a long time. I’M SO SORRY OMFG IT’S BEEN SO LONG HOLY FUCKC. BUT I’M BACK !!!!! also, I’m really not sure whether to continue this or not, to make it a 2/3 part piece but I’m really not sure. Let me know !

type: university/college au, fluff (??), mild angst, romance-ish

word count: 1.7k

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Masterlist


The last thing you wanted to do today was to be told that your project deadline was being moved. Moved so that it had to be handed in a week earlier than what your whole class had been told before. Shit, you thought, I really need to focus.

You’d not woken up in the best mood, one of your flatmates had decided to bring around his entire sports team last night, and they’d been extremely noisy and loud until probably around 4am, meaning that you got hardly any sleep and that you woke up late, forcing you to skip breakfast and rush to your morning lecture. Just making it in time, you somehow powered through it, grabbing a coffee on the way to your favourite section of the day. The project and drafting room was the other side of the university campus, unfortunately for you, but the coffee kept a spring in your step and you arrived just in time, taking a seat at the side of the room by the door, on a small table away from the bigger round ones, where people all worked on their projects together. 

With being in an art and design course, you didn’t really have to focus too much in the lectures as they weren’t as beneficial and important as the project and workshop things that you had to focus on, so this was your favourite part of the day, and you and your teacher/tutor got on really well. 

The only downside, though, was the cocky bastard that always came in late. There was always only one seat left - next to you. 

Keep reading

150 Life Lessons / Quotes you'll learn from Sophia Amoruso's #GIRLBOSS

(photosource: notyourstandard.com)


[THE ONLY THING I SMOKE IS MY COMPETITION]
 

1. Know when to follow the rules and when to rewrite
   them. It will help you identify your weaknesses and play
   to your strengths.

2. I don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on what I’ve
    already done because there is still so much to do.

3. Don’t ever grow up. Don’t become a bore. Don’t ever let
    the Man get to you.

[A #GIRLBOSS KNOWS WHEN TO THROW PUNCHES AND WHEN TO ROLL WITH THEM]

4. Life is short. Don’t be lazy.

5. It takes a lot of hardwork to get there, and then once you arrive, it takes even more hardwork to stay there.

6. A #GIRLBOSS is someone who’s in charge of her own life. She gets what she wants because she works for it.

7. Sometimes you break the rules, sometimes you follow them, but always in your own terms.

8. It took years of living with dirty fingernails from digging through vintage, a few painful burns from steaming clothes, and many aged Kleenex hiding in a coat pocket to get here.

9. I don’t want you to look up, #GIRLBOSS, because all that looking up can keep you down. The energy you’ll expend focusing on someone else’s life is better spent working on your own. Just be your own idol.

10. The straight and narrow is not the only path to success.

11. I’d been told for so long that the path to success was paved with a series of boxes you checked off, starting with getting a degree and getting a job, and as I kept trying and failing at these, it sometimes seemed that I was destined for a life in the loser lane. But I always suspected that I was destined for, and that I was capable of, something bigger.

12. Abandon anything about your life and habits that might be holding you back. Learn to create your own opportunities. Know that there is no finish line; fortune favors action. Race balls-out toward the extraordinary life that you’ve always dreamed of, or still haven’t had time to dream up. And prepare to have a hell of a lot of fun along the way.

13. Instead of sitting around and talking about how much I care, I’m going to kick ass and prove it.

14. You don’t have to choose between smart and sexy. You can have both. You are both.

15. It’s insulting to be praised for being a woman with ni college degree. But then, I’m aware that this is also to my advantage: I can show up to a meeting and blow people away just by being my street-educated self.

16. You don’t get taken seriously by asking someone to take you seriously. You’ve got to show up and own it.

17. You combine hard work, creativity, and self-determination, and things start to happen.

18. When you believe in yourself, other people will believe in you, too.

[FIGHT THE BOREDOM]

19. I had no income and no plan. But boy, did I have time.

20. The thought of paying to look like everyone else seemed utterly ridiculuous.

21. Two keys to running a successful business: Knowing your customer and knowing how to get free marketing.

22. Many companies were spending millions of dollars trying to nail social media, but I just went with my instincts and treated my customers like they were my friends.

23. If you believe that what you’re doing will have positive results, it will—even if it’s not immediately obvious.

24. I noted every flaw, and was always totally honest about the condition of everything.

25. What made me successful wasn’t necessarily what I sold, but how I sold it.

26. Instead of spendig my time trolling the forums and obsessing about what other sellers were doing, I focused on making my store as unique as possible.

27. Internet Catfights: It seemed like a pointless waste of time, but it soon got too annoying to ignore.

28. I was beginning to see that it had potential far beyond anything that I had ever imagined, and to see that potential I’d have to go out on my own.

29. It takes a special kind of stubbornness to succeed as an entrepreneur. And anyway, you don’t get what you don’t ask for.

30. If it sold, we learned. If it didn’t sell, we learned. And we kept on learning.

31. I just knew that talking to the girls who bought from me was important and always had been.

32. My customers told me what they wanted, and I always knew that if I listened to them, we’d both do okay.

33. There are secret opportunities hidden inside every failure.

[ALL ACTIONS ARE CREATIVE]

34. I believed that my variety of short-lived failures, or as I prefer to call it, job promiscuity, made me an experienced young adult.

35. Customer Service Tip: Just apologize to people. Even if it’s not your fault, they’ve been disappointed by the company you work for and it’s your job to empathize with them.

36. It makes me sad to remember how apathetic I was.

37. What I know now is that nothing is universally boring–what’s boring to you could be totally engaging to someone else. If you’re bored and hating it, it’s a big sign that you’re most likely just in the wrong place.

38. Unless you’re born the child of a billionaire, work is something we all have to do.

39. It’s pretty impossible to succeed while doing something that you genuinely hate.

40. Time may be the one thing in the world I can’t negotiate, no matter how hard I’ve tried.

41. Shitty jobs made the good ones more meaningful. Most people don’t land their dream job right out of the gate, which means we all have to start somewhere. You’ll appreciate your amazing career so much more when you look back at your not-so-amazing jobs in the past, and hopefully realize that you learned something from all of them.

42. I was looking for something that would pay me to do nothing and still get ahead of life, and that, my friends, does not exist.

43. We’re internet kids who have been spoiled by our desires being no more than a click away. We think fast, type fast, move fast, and expect everything else to happen just as fast.

44. You’ve got to work for what you want.

45. I respect people who are willing to just roll up their sleeves and get the job done, even if it’s a shitty one.

46. If you suck at school, don’t let it kill your spirit. It does not mean that you are stupid or worthless, or that you are never going to succeed at anything. It just means that your talents lie elsewhere, so take the opportunity to seek out what you’re good at, and find a place where you can flourish it. Once you do, you’re going to kill it.

47. Madeline Poole: I’m still striving for fabulousness. I knew I didn’t want to worry–I wanted a well-traveled, creatively inspired life where money was not my first concern.

48. I’ve always had to work hard because I had no other choice, but I always believed in myself. I always knew I’d be a #GIRLBOSS.

[THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW IS NOT THE ONLY PATH TO SUCCESS]

49. I wanted to live outside the capitalist structure, to live free and travel free, and to exist outside a nine-to-five lifestyle.

50. But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in. -Junot Diaz

51. Living a comfortable life can allow you the psychic space needed to focus on other, often bigger, things, and when you treat your possessions as emblems of your hard work, they inherit a meaning that transcends the objects themselves.

52. Compromise is just a part of life.

53. Life is unwritten, like a great big experiment.

[MONEY LOOKS BETTER IN THE BANK THAN ON YOUR FEET]

54. I cared as much about the process as I did about the results. No decision was too small.

55. Learning how to manage your money is one of the most important things you’ll ever do.

56. Being broke gets old, so start making decisions now to avoid paying for stupid ones later.

57. When you take care of little things, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out that the big things often happen much more easily.

58. Big companies are like the mob—they never forget, they never give up, and they alwas get their money.

59. Money is a guarantee that we may have what we want in the future. Though we need nothing at the moment, it insures the possibility of satisfying a new desire when it arises. -Aristotle

60. Do not spend more money than you have.

61. Forcing me to figure out how to provide for myself was probably one of the best things my parents ever did to me.

62. Another big no-no is increasing your spending as soon as your income increases.

63. You can’t act like you’ve arrived when you’re only just recieving the invitation.

64. As much as I liked the shoes I could afford, I liked having the money more.

65. Treat your savings account like just another bill. It has to be paid every month, or there are consequences.

66. Be really honest with yourself and make sure that you deserve the raise that you’re asking for. You do not automatically deserve a raise just because you’ve been somewhere for a certain amount of time.

67. Spend money because it’s an investment in your own well-being, not because you’re bored and have nothing else to do.

68. Luxury can be a great experience, and the things around you should represent the life that you’ve made for yourself, as long as you are taking the time to appreciate those items.

69. Don’t live like a CEO when you’re still a sandwich artist.

[TREAT YOUR MIND LIKE YOUR MONEY: DON’T WASTE IT.]

70. What I hate about luck is that it implies being devoid of responsibility.

71. Success is something given to a knighted and often undeserving few. Luck tells us that we don’t control our own fate, and that our path to success or failure is written by someone, or something, entirely outside ourselves. Luck let us believe that whatever happens, whether good or bad, it's  not to our credit or our fault.

72. Recognize the fact that we control our own thoughts and our thoughts control our lives.

73. It’s the age-old concept of like attracts like, or the law of attraction. You get back what you put out, so you might as well think positively, focus on visualizing what you want instead of getting distracted by what you don’t want, and send the universe your good intentions so that it can send them right back.

74. I didn’t want to talk about my job–I wanted to do my job. But then talking about my job became my job. Even worse, people expected me to be a certain way just because I’d accomplished something.

75. Magical thinking is the alchemy that you can use to visualize and project yourself into the professional and personal life that you want.

76. I am talking about the visualization that works when we actually get off our asses and do stuff.

77. Take care of the little things–even the little things that you hate–and treat them as promises to your own future. Soon you’ll see that fortune favors the bold who get shit done.

78. This ensures that when I’m bogged down with day-to-day bureaucracy and details, I don’t lose sight of what I really want.

79. Keep reminding yourself over and over that this is what you want, and you’ll soon find that the more you know what you want, the less you’re willing to put up with what you don’t.

80. One of the best things about life–a reason not to go blindly after one goal and one goal only–is that sometimes it will take you to something that is way cooler than anything you would have consciously set out to do in the first place.

81. All I knew was that I wanted to do something awesome, and was open to whatever shape or form this awesomeness took.

82. While I truly believe that you must have intentions to fulfill your dreams, I also think you have to leave room for the universe to have its way and play around a bit.

83. Don’t get so focused on one particular opportunity that you’re blind to other ones that come up.

84. I also think you can end up ignoring, and even losing, the positive things in your life by focusing too much on the negative. That’s a huge drain, as well as a waste of time.

85. I realized that I’d put so much energy into thinking about what I didn’t want to happen that I’d caused that exact thing to happen.

86. I don’t want to spend time thinking about things that I don’t want to have a place in my life. You have to kick people out of your head as forcefully as you’d kick someone out of your house if you didn’t want them to be there.

87. Focus on the positive things in your life and you’ll be shocked at how many more positive things start happening.

[LET YOUR FASHION FREAK FLAG FLY]

88. There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.

89. It’s a weird world we live in, and until time travel exists we’ve all got to make the most of where we land.

90. Dive headfirst into things with-out being too attached  to the results. When your goal is to gain experience, perspective, and knowledge, failure is no longer a possibility. Failure is your invention.

91. It is she who listens to the rest of the world who fails, and it is she who has enough confidence to define success and failure for herself who succeeds.

92. No matter where you are in life, you’ll save a lot of time by not worrying too much about what other people think about you. The earlier in your life that you can learn that, the easier the rest of it will be. You is who you is, so get used to it.

93. When you accept yourself, it’s surprising how much other people will accept you too.

94. It’s not cool to get drunk on your own success.

95. Norma Kamali: I think if you have a unique point of view and stay relevant and authentic, you will make an impression. You have to be excited and passionate about your ideas to make them work.

96. Norma Kamali: The most important thing to do is to take risk. The risks are where breakthroughs happen, and big shifts take you to new places and create opportunities. They can be really scary and intimidating, but that means it is taking you out of your comfort zone.

97. Norma Kamali: Dream and never stop dreaming. Making my dreams come true has always inspired me to work hard.

[WORKING IN FASHION IS NOT AN EXTENDED TRIP TO THE MALL]

98. Competition is stiff–particularly in a tight job market and tough economy–so unless you can sweep someone off his or her feet, unemployed you will stay. Ideally, you’ll be applying for a job that you genuinely think is interesting and exciting. If you’re not, #GIRLBOSS, then fake it till you make it.

99. People of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things. -Leonardo da Vinci

100. Opinions are like assholes; everybody’s got one.

101. A #GIRLBOSS knows that she may not nail it on the first try, and that’s okay. Remember to be open and keep your head up when something doesn’t work out.

102. A #GIRLBOSS knows where she excels and where she could use some work, so get to know yourself and your weakness.

103. Knowing when to speak up and when to shut up will get you very far not only in business, but in life.

104. Sometimes you’ll find an opportunity to step in when your boss is out, or just swamped, and show your worth.

105. It’s that attitude, and behavior, that will get you ahead.

106. Own up to your mistakes and apologize for them. Everyone will make a mistake at some point, and the sooner you can admit where you went wrong, the sooner you can start to fix it.

107. Everyone should be given the opportunity to improve.

108. Getting fired can be a much-needed wake-up call, a push in the right direction, or an escape route.

109. Christene Barberich: I don’t think you can truly know what you’re made of until you are in charge of your days. How you use that time, and the work you pursue, teaches you so much about who you are and what you can become.

110. Christene Barberich: It’s really astounding how discouraging people can be, especially if it’s something that seems particularly risky. But, you know, risk can be thrilling.

111. Christene Barberich: Sometimes you just have to jump, screaming the whole fucking way. I don’t know  if there is any greater feeling then proving you are your own biggest advocate. And all that noise out there is seriously just bullshit.

112. Christene Barberich: As hard as it is, stop caring so much about what other people think. Find a way to hear what you want. Recognize what is your dream.

[DREAM BIG, START SMALL]

113. Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. - Abraham Lincoln

114. When you begin with the finish line in mind, you miss all the fun stuff along the way.

115. The best entrepreneurs know to listen along the way and adjust things, including their business plan.

116. Tooting your own horn too early can put you under the spotlight when you’re still figuring out the basics of running your business.

117. There is a whole wide world of free education out there for anyone who wishes to take advantage of it.

118. Human nature tells us to want what we can’t have.

119. Jenne Lombardo: I always wanted to have my own office–I thought that epitomized success. I also always wanted something that was mine. Something that was tangible, which I could look at and say, with pride, “I did this.”

120. Jenne Lombardo: I never want to be without financial stability again.

121. Jenne Lombardo: Without risk, there is no reward and no change.

122. Jenne Lombardo: If you are a risk taker, you have to feel comfortable in knowing you could fail. You have to have enough confidence and conviction to go full force even if things don’t work out.

123. Jenne Lombardo: There is a solution to everything. It’s all a matter of perspective and how willing we are to be flexible when it comes to our point of view.

124. Jenne Lombardo: Become the master of what you do.

125. Jenne Lombardo: Never forget where you came from.

126. Jenne Lombardo: Good old-fashioned manners can get you very far.

[OWN YOUR STYLE LIKE YOU OWN YOUR USED CAR]

127. It taught me that when I do things because I want to do them, and not because I have to, I can accomplish a lot.

128. If you’re dreaming big, #GIRLBOSS, don’t be discouraged if you have to start small.

129. Leandra Medine: I knew I never wanted to have to ask anyone to appease my indulgences, so that was a point of motivation to work hard.

130. Leandra Medine: Overwhelmingly busy is much better state to be in than overwhelmingly bored.

131. Be willing to try something new.

132. And we don’t just want to stay on top of that game-we want to stay ahead of it.

133. I believe a #GIRLBOSS should have a sneer and a smile in her back pocket, ready to whip either out at any moment.

134. No amount of money can buy you style. Having good style takes thought, creativity, confidence, self-awareness, even sometimes a little bit of work.

135. Being mean won’t make you cool, being rich won’t make you cool, and having the right clothes, while it may help, won’t make you cool.

136. Being a girl is fun. We can experiment with our looks as much as we want.

[BET ON YOURSELF]

137. When you are a one-percenter, you live your life your way.

138. I remind myself that if I really want something badly enough, I have it within myself to make it happen.

139. You create the world, blink by blink. It is entirely yours to discover and yours to create.

140. Regardless of what your dreams are, if you listen only to those around you, the chances of your dreams coming true are pretty small.

141. You can’t have it all, and nothing comes easy.

142. Difficult doesn’t mean impossible.

143. When life hits you with something unexpected, you have to be prepared to hit right back–and leave your own smear in the process.

144. Never let go of your appetite to go after new ideas, new experiences, and new adventures.

145. Judge yourself on what is your personal best and you’ll accomplish more than you could ever have imagined.

146. Breaking the rules just for fun is too easy–the real challenge lies in perfecting the art of knowing which rules to accept and which to rewrite.

147. Once you’ve found success, don’t stop. It’s not about being insatiable; it’s about not resting on your laurels.

148. Look up and look around, and if you’re not finding something inspiring, then you’re probably not looking hard enough.

149. An advantage of being naive is being able to believe in oneself when no one else will.

150.They take leaps before seeing the bridge because they know that if they don’t, someone else will gt that holy grail. That holy grail is yours for the taking.

App Advice: “Why Essays”

Hey guys! I thought I’d make some posts about college applications and admissions, because I was giving advice to a younger friend the other day and I realized that I’ve learned a lot about college apps in the past year or so.

I might post more about college applications later, especially if there are any topics my followers or appblr would like me to address, but this post is going to focus on writing your “why essays”.

A why essay is one type of application essay that you will almost certainly write a few of if you apply to private schools. These prompts ask you to write briefly about why you want to go to a particular colleges. Here are what the prompts might look like:

  • How do you imagine yourself living and learning at Bard?
  • What draws you to Swarthmore?
  • Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why.

Writing these can be a great way to think about what you want in a school, and for many colleges it’s an important part of the application. The tricky thing about these essays, though, is that there’s two different things you might want to get across, and which thing to focus on is something you have to figure out separately for each place you apply.

  • Thing #1: I really want to go to your school.
  • Thing #2: I’m awesome and I would be a great addition to your school.

In general, emphasize Thing #1 for schools you are overqualified for (safeties), and emphasize Thing #2 for schools that are extremely selective or that you are underqualified for (reaches).

Why? It is often in the best interests of your safety schools to reject you. Less selective colleges want to appear more selective, and having a low percentage of applicants accepted and a high percentage of accepted students attending (how many of the people who get in actually go there) reflects well on a school. So your safeties might be looking at you and saying, “Good SAT scores, lots of AP classes, an awesome essay… this kid is going to get in somewhere way better than here.” And they’ll reject you to improve their numbers. (I got into a school with a 6% acceptance rate and got rejected from a school with a 33% acceptance rate… #awkward)

That’s where why essays come in. If you’re applying to a college that’s not very selective or that you’re overqualified for, essays heavy on Thing #1 are a way to show them (whether it’s true or not) that they’re not just a safety to you, and that you are genuinely interested in attending, which will make them more likely to accept you. Things you might want to include:

  • Ways the school culture appeals to you
  • Ways the academic environment appeals to you – divisional requirements, no requirements, core, lots of study abroad, senior thesis, undergrad research, etc.
  • The location
  • Specific faculty members in the department(s) you’re interested in whose research and work sounds cool, and things you might like to study with them
  • Specific student organizations you might like to get involved with
  • If you visited, talk about that
  • If you have a family member who went there, talk about that

On the other hand, if you’re applying to an incredibly selective school, they know you want to go there. Everyone wants to go there. In an essay with a lot of Thing #2, everything you say about why the college would be a good fit for you should also circle back to yourself, your accomplishments, and your good qualities. You should spend less energy talking about why you like them (though you should do that stuff as well), and more energy talking about why they should like you. Many of the same topics as above apply, but you need to incorporate your own awesomeness into them.

To finish up, here are some examples from my own applications. I got accepted to both of these schools, by the way. Notice how in the first one the focus is on Bard and in the second the focus is on me.

Example of a “safety” why essay (from my application to Bard):

I’ve been interested in Bard since the 2014 Simon’s Rock Young Writers’ Workshop, where I lived on a campus with other teenage writers, writing and thinking critically in and out of class. My instructor, a wise middle-aged Irish playwright, not only taught us the intricacies of culture and storytelling but also — when I felt obligated to write longer pieces and short stories — gave me explicit permission to focus on the form I preferred.

I’m drawn to Bard for two reasons.

First, as I discovered by spending time with Simon’s Rock and BHSEC people, I love the school’s culture. I want a college where people go to learn, not to complete measurable achievements and move on. I want classmates with whom I can sing Tom Lehrer songs, make puns in Latin, and debate calculus questions at breakfast. Bard is unpretentious and committed to social justice; as an activist and transgender student, I think I’d thrive there. I’d love to attend the school whose prison debate team beat Harvard.

Secondly, I appreciate Bard’s balance between giving students room to explore their interests and encouraging them to be well-rounded. In high school I’ve had to take many courses I wouldn’t have chosen, many of which turned out to be awesome. I once wasn’t a big fan of science, but I love the mathematical worldview that physics has given me. I know Bard’s first-year seminars, Language and Thinking Program, Citizen Science, and divisional requirements will push me to explore subjects outside my comfort zone.

Example of a “reach” why essay (from my application to Columbia):

I love being around people with whom I can make puns in Latin, sing Tom Lehrer songs, and debate calculus questions at breakfast. I want to be in an environment where people are as passionate about learning as I am and are driven by the joy of their studies rather than solely by the promise of a measurable achievement. I think Columbia can provide me with that.

At my high school, I had completed the most difficult English and Latin classes available by the end of junior year, and I know that at a large research university like Columbia, I’ll have room to grow in my academic pursuits. For example, Medieval and Neo-Latin literature fascinate me, and unlike any other school I have looked into, Columbia has professors with research interests in hagiography, medieval literature, and Renaissance Humanist writing.

I also want to improve my writing and work with other young writers during college. I know that Columbia has a serious literary community, including a special Writers House, and I would love to experience New York, the home to some of the best theater in the country. My playwriting instructor at CSSSA held that the key to making good art is not only typing in your room but also getting out into the world, and that New York is the best world there is to get out into.

Finally, I’m drawn to the core. In high school I’ve had to take many courses I wouldn’t have chosen on my own, many of which turned out to be awesome. I once wasn’t a big fan of science, but I now love the mathematical worldview that physics has given me. I think Columbia’s core and divisional requirements will push me to explore subjects outside my comfort zone.

potatoes-tomatoes  asked:

Heyy lets talk abt shippy stuff since you kinda went over a lil soriel in one of your other sans post: how do you think sans would express his interest in toriel, if he ever would at all? If toriel were to kiss sans (platonically or romantically... doesn't matter) I don't think he'd show any sign of being flustered, but gosh dangit he'd sweat like crazy and maybe look surprised instead?? OR what if he told knock knock jokes that we're subliminally flirty? >:000 I can see him doing that

Oh man, oh brother, oh friend you are going to regret getting me started talking about Soriel. :V 

And I specifically mean to talk about post-pacifist, because I feel like in any other timeline, they would continue as great friends, but nothing more. Despite her anger towards Asgore, the loss of the king might shut Toriel off from future romances entirely. And the ending where they’re they closest- Sans runs away with Toriel- is also the one where her promise led to Papyrus dying, so I think that would also hinder the relationship in a kind of major way. :B

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anonymous asked:

Are there any "good" forms of autistic therapy? like, ways to help autistic kids succeed in life and live a good life without forcing them to pretend to be neurotypical? I'm just genuinely curious, thank you <3

First off, sorry if I’m very late answering this, tumblr for some reason seems to be bad at alerting me about messages. 

I think the big thing about therapy is that, in order to be really helpful, it needs to be working on goals that the person sets for themselves. Otherwise you’re wasting their time. Obviously this is harder with kids, who may not fully understand why a goal is important, but you should try to explain things in a way they can understand and give them a degree of autonomy, especially as they get older. If a child rejects a goal you should also be willing to consider that the goal may not be as important as you thought it was. And obviously choosing goals is going to be really hard for people who don’t have some kind of communication system in place to express their desires, so that should always be one of if not the first thing you focus on.

Creating a communication system usually falls under speech therapy, even though it’s not always speech. It might be signing, or using a communication book, or an AAC app. Whatever works best for them. You need to approach this as helping a person communicate, not as making them memorize and repeat back vocabulary, or point to things when you ask them to point to them. Remember: it’s not a test, it’s a voice. They need to be able to say what they want to say. Even if it’s things you may not like to hear, like “no”, “five more minutes”, “that’s boring”, or “i don’t like that person.” 

What’s called “life skills” is a really important thing to teach. Things like hygiene, doing laundry, cooking, shopping, using the bus, applying for a job. Sometimes teaching this has to go beyond breaking down the usual way of doing things into steps. Sometimes it needs to involve finding other ways to do things that get the job done in a way that is easier for that person. It may mean teaching someone to wear earplugs and sunglasses to the store when they go shopping, if that helps reduce distractions and prevent over-stimulation and meltdowns. Sensory strategies can really make people’s lives easier- just make sure it’s tailored to their seeking/defensive sensory needs. A different example: I find it really hard to follow recipes, so I’ve made myself a flow chart that goes like “pick a meat, pick a way to cook the meat, pick spices to add when cooking, pick a carb and a veggie that go well as side dishes, etc”, and it’s a lot easier for me to cook with that than from a book. Work with people to figure out a way that works for them.

Physical therapy can be good for people with motor planning issues. It can also be difficult, painful, boring, or all three and more. I think this is a thing where it’s really important to explain to kids why you want them to do the therapy, how you think it will benefit them, and to give them the opportunity to say whether they want to do it, or at the very least to choose what activities they do in PT.

Social skills, I think, can be good, if it’s done the right way. It needs to be about helping the person do what they want to do, not about making them more palatable to others. Teach them how to find friends who have common interests; don’t teach them to never talk about the things they like for fear of being seen as weird. Teach them to resolve conflicts in ways that aren’t yelling and hitting but also aren’t just going along with whatever the other person wants and setting aside their own desires. You also need to be honest about how the world works, not pretend that ideals are reality (eg, bullies will usually not leave you alone if you ask nicely, or if you ignore them. Encourage teachers to defend the kid being bullied and send a message that bullying is wrong.) For teens, dating advice may be appropriate, but it can’t be sexist pick-up artist type stuff that teaches guy to devalue women; help them build real connections.

As kids get older, it’s very important to talk to them about plans for the future. Don’t discourage them because they don’t have the necessary skills yet; teach them the skills they need! If they’re going to be going to college, they need to be able to file a college app, work with disability services, manage their time, and have good study skills. If they’re going to work, they need to know about job applications, interview etiquette, benefits, income taxes, as well as job-specific skills. If they’re going to live partially or mostly independently, they need to be able to cook, shop, do laundry, clean, and have reliable transportation of some kind. Whatever their goals are, work with them to decide what skills they need in order to reach that goal, and help them learn those skills.

I think the most important thing here is the mindset of the people giving the therapy. It needs to be about helping a person accomplish the goals that they choose, not getting them to do what you think is best. A therapist provides a service. They should answer to their client, the person in therapy- not the other way around.

Anyway, that’s my view. Other people probably have their own thoughts on the topic. Can anyone else offer their perspective on helpful therapies for anon? 

On going to community college.

I had a nice conversation with my dental hygienist the other day, and it really had an impact on me. I’m going to community college after a lot of debate and difficult choices, and it’s been especially hard given the culture of where I live – going to community college rather than Harvard means you’re unmotivated and stupid, even though I’m anything but.

“Where are you going to college?” the hygienist asked.

I felt the usual sense of discomfort, shame, and defensiveness. After a beat, I confessed, “I’m actually going to community college.” Then, in my customary desire to justify myself, I added hurriedly, “To save a LOT of money. I’m –”

She – who was incredibly gruff and hard to soften (though I did, by the end, get a laugh from her) – cut me off and said brusquely, “I understand. My daughter’s at MassBay (a community college) right now.” She didn’t act too warm and fuzzy about it, but there were undertones of genuine understanding and validation there.

Perhaps it shouldn’t have meant that much to me, but it did. I’ve struggled uniquely with deciding on and having to withdraw from two of my top choice colleges due to money, eventually “settling” for community college. I’d seen the disapproval on people’s faces when my friends told them they’d chosen community college, and back in senior year I had felt a similar, misplaced sense of derision towards peers going there themselves.

I’m proud of my decision to go to MCC. I’m paying for it myself and taking ownership of my entire education, and I’ve worked hard for two scholarships I really needed. But I’ve never met someone who expressed understanding like that, rather than lukewarm acceptance, and who even cut me off to say, It’s okay. You don’t need to defend yourself.

I keep you guys updated on important moments in my life, and this was one of those. I’ve come to terms with and even gotten excited about college, but with this one conversation, I felt the last dredges of shame and trepidation vanish.

I’m proud that I’m pursuing an education and that I’m doing it, at least financially, solo. That’s the only thing that matters. That’s what people will admire you for, and what you will focus on years from now. It doesn’t matter where you go; college is what you make of it. Plus, frankly it isn’t really anyone else’s business to question your decisions.

I’m going to Middlesex community college this fall, and I’m not going to be embarrassed about it any longer.

As Certain Dark Things Are to be Loved - Snippet

Thanks everyone for your well wishes!  The split between the two was pretty even, but I decided on a compromise of sorts.  I’m working on a fluffy scene from Good Intentions, but I also have several scenes from college AU already written.  This is one of those scenes.  I don’t anticipate it being in the next chapter, but perhaps the chapter after that.  Regardless, I hope this 2k tides you over somewhat.


Professor Horace Slughorn, holder of the Slytherin endowed chair and head of the chemistry department sat behind his mahogany desk the day before classes and smiled.  He’d received a letter this morning from a grateful alum and member of the little “club” that Slughorn ran on campus.  Nothing official.  Oh no.  Just a few favorite students over to his house for tea once a month, and several events throughout the year.  Many of them were members of the Knights, as Slughorn himself had once been among their number.  But not all.  Horace prided himself on finding only the best and brightest, regardless of what walk of life they came from.

Still, to see his handpicked favorites succeed always thrilled Horace.  To have those same people, now in very high places, at the top of their chosen fields, remembering him, felt even better.

Out of all the students he’d ever had the pleasure of teaching, Tom Riddle was far and away his favorite.  Tom had had the temerity to succeed in the politically fraught world of the Knights of Walpurgis despite his lack of family background and his status as an orphan and scholarship student.  Tom was sophisticated, intelligent, and incredibly ambitious.  Apparently gifted at everything he set his mind to, Tom, from all the evidence Horace had gathered, had decided that his future lay in having as much power as possible.

Tom would be the prize jewel in his collection, Horace was sure.  And until then, Horace was granted the pleasure of company he truly enjoyed.  Both as a student and as a conversation partner.

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breebraw  asked:

Do you have any advice for an aspiring music major? Like "what colleges are better than others" and "what it might be like when first starting", things like that :)

This is going to be long. Strap yourself in. These are ten tips on how James got through his Bachelor’s degree and into Master’s programs.

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SPQR: Legion of Super-Heroes - 9

#Superhero AU [AO3] | First | <<Prev | Next>>

“No plan survives contact with the enemy.”

– NICO –

Nico stood under a crystal chandelier in one of the ballrooms of The Principia. He held a glass of red wine in one hand, and the other pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to decide if there was an inconspicuous corner he could hide in.

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Quote

Summary: You work in the library, and Taehyung falls for you.
Member: Taehyung (V) x Reader
Type: FLUFF
Length: 2,387 Words

Okay, so this was by-far one of my FAVORITE scenarios to write. 1st off, I actually work in a library. I am an assistant, but I spend my day reading and shelving and skimming the books as well as helping people find books. 2nd, the books in this story are actually some of my favorite stories, especially Pride and Prejudice. And 3rd, this would be the best way for someone to tell me that they like me. Anyways, I hope you guys like this scenario. It actually took a lot of time to find all the right quotes <3

-Admin Kat

Originally posted by vminv


When Jane and Elizabeth were alone, the former, who had been cautious in her praise of Mr. Bingley before, expressed to her sister how very much she admired him. “He is just what a young man ought to be,” said she, “sensible, good-humored, lively; and I never saw such happy manners!- so much ease, with such perfect good-breeding!” You read the words off the page. There was always that thing about Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. You could open that book to any page and completely fall into the story. You crossed your legs beneath you, leaning forward on your desk. “He is also handsome,” replied Elizabeth; “which a young man out likewise to be, if he possibly can. His character is thereby complete.”

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anonymous asked:

Prompt: Bellamy is SUPER into Hamilton, obsessed with the soundtrack. Clarke gets tickets and asks him to go. She thinks she was clear in asking him as a date; 3 hours after the show, when Bellamy still hasn't shut up about it, it becomes clear all he heard was 'Hamilton tickets.'

what a good, anon :D

All impressions about the actual show are basically based on things @rudesby​ texted me about George Washington. Like you do.

[AO3]


Clarke is actually the one who tells him about Hamilton in the first place, because it’s not like he pays any attention to musicals.

“Hey, are you teaching the Revolution with Hamilton? You should totally teach with Hamilton,” she tells him. Octavia is in the bathroom getting ready for whatever she and Clarke are doing, which means Clarke will hang out with him for anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour, depending on how much O cares about her makeup and how “helpful” she decides to be about her stupid conviction that Bellamy and Clarke should get married. His sister needs a hobby.

“I talk about Hamilton, yeah,” he says, not looking up from her lesson plans. “Did you know he wrote a fucking hundred-page pamphlet about how he had an affair? It’s one of the five anecdotes I’ve got to make my non-AP kids care about the founding fathers.”

“I did know that, yes,” she huffs. “Because it’s in Hamilton.” He raises his eyebrows, and she sighs. “You seriously haven’t even heard of it?”

“I still have no idea what we’re talking about.”

“Hamilton. There is an actual, legitimate, award-winning, smash-hit Broadway musical about Alexander Hamilton, and you don’t know about it?”

Bellamy blinks at her. “This is a joke, right?”

“It’s huge! I assumed you’d heard of it!” She pulls out her phone and shows him the album, which does look pretty legit. It would be a lot of trouble for her to go to just to fuck with him–not the fake album cover, she does graphic design for a living, she can do graphics–but there are a bunch of tracks and they have really plausible titles. And they’re all different lengths, but they could just all be “Never Gonna Give You Up” remixes. 

“I can’t decide if I think it would be weirder for you to randomly decide to make up an entire musical based on Alexander Hamilton as some sort of bad practical joke, or if it’s weirder if it actually exists.”

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I Love You; No Romo

*** Author’s Note: I kinda realize it’s been months since I wrote this and still haven’t shared it here. This piece I wrote for the New York Times Modern Love Contest which called on college students to write about their personal experiences with love. Didn’t win anything, but still glad I wrote this piece. Special shout out to @imperatorsapphiosa for answering some super important questions. It really helped make this piece and figure out a few things about myself. Thank you!

~

Why do we still restrict ideas of love to romance? Why is romance treated like the largest necessity of survival and worshipped like a god? Why is it constantly forced in our faces nearly every day of the year? Better yet, why does society forget that there is more than one way to love someone?

When we hear the word “love,” many of us would associate it with romance and Valentine’s Day and every cheesy Nicholas Sparks novel you could find at your local bookstore. However, the reality is that love is not as black and white as many of us would think; it comes in hundreds of hues of how much we love someone whether romantic or platonic. The love between friends has an infinity of levels, from those we may talk to occasionally to those who stay by our sides throughout our adulthood. Those loves are just as valid as the ones we share for romantic partners. Why not put as much focus on platonic love as we do romantic love? It’s just as powerful and should not be treated as less valuable than romance just because it’s a love between friends.

It’s odd for a typical 19 year old college student to admit, but I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. Maybe a crush here and there, but never a full-blown romance or even a date to a high school dance. I don’t even necessarily count the one fling I had freshman year because I don’t remember feeling any romantic attraction. However, the person I was with remains as one of the best friends I’ll ever have, and I still love them, just not romantically.

I never really understood why my peers constantly whined so much about not having a significant other. Maybe it’s because I’m too shy to seek romance (or even confess my crushes), but it’s just never been a major priority in my teenage years. Even as an adult with college’s new environments and new opportunities for romance, I much prefer focusing on friendships and adjusting to a new life. I’m not opposed to allowing romance in my future (whenever it may come), but that is not going to stop me from telling my friends that I love them.

There’s a silly belief that if you say “I love you” too much it will lose its meaning. What does that even mean? Who came up with that nonsense and why? Why would letting someone know that they are on your mind lose value? Is the love I share with my friends suddenly valueless because I don’t share romantic feelings with any of them? It doesn’t make any sense and keeps putting love up on a pedestal reserved solely for romance.

When I say “I love you” to a friend, it is genuine; I care about them and over time want to truly get to know them. I want to know if they had a good day or if they need someone to talk through a restless night of anxiety. I want to discuss idle topics such as what TV shows to watch or whatever social justice is going on in the news. I want to be by their side through the good and bad times and lift their spirits. I love them regardless that it’s not romantic. Why would I treat the love I give my friends any less than if I were to have a romantic partner?

Besides, not everyone desires romance. Over the past couple years, I have seen many posts on social media spreading information about different sexualities and romantic orientations. Thanks to websites like Tumblr, many teenagers and young adults like myself can finally find words to express our romantic or sexual attractions and connect with people with similar identities and feel a sense of security that we are not alone or broken.

Romantic orientations and sexualities are not mutually congruent—romantic love may not equate to sexual desire and behavior. Therefore, you could be in a romantic relationship and not feel sexual attraction or vice versa. To many people, asexuality and aromanticism seem bizarre because our society constantly reinforces that everyone needs romance or sex in order to be happy.

This notion creates a lot of negative stigma against the lack of sexual or romantic attraction and makes them seem “abnormal”. Even with rising visibility in recent years, our society, which is so warped in ideas of sex and romance, remains confused about really simple concepts. Why treat romance like the end all of having a satisfactory life? Of course our lives are valued by how we spent it and with whom, but does romance or sex necessarily factor in the requirements for a happy life? For some, maybe, but why disregard or even dehumanize those who do not feel romantic or sexual attraction?

A lot of myths illustrate aromantics and asexuals as cold, heartless and unfeeling like robots from a dystopian future. Just because they don’t feel one type of love does not mean they’re incapable of feeling other types of love. And it is not a phase or a case where they “have not found the right person yet”. Being asexual or aromantic is a part of someone’s identity, and they cannot do much to change how they are attracted to people. For some asexuals or aromantics, there is not “a right person” to find. They just want people to understand their feelings and accept that this is who they are and that nothing is wrong with them. Even if they engage in a romantic or sexual relationship, it requires understanding their boundaries of intimacy and what is comfortable for them.

Like many sexualities and romantic orientations, asexuality and aromanticism also have their own spectrums with varying degrees of attraction (or lack of). With asexuality (also known as the ace spectrum), there are gray-asexuals, who rarely feel sexual attraction, and demisexuals, who only feel sexual attraction after developing a strong emotional bond with someone. It works the same with aromanticism with grayromantics and demiromantics. Nevertheless, these sexualities and romantic orientations are still valid parts of someone’s identity, and they can’t change that and need support from those willing to learn and understand, even if asexuality and aromanticism seem out of the norm.

Even in the LGBTQ+ community, asexuals and aromantics are often ignored for “not being queer enough.” This stems from the outdated stereotype that queer people, particularly homosexuals, are extremely promiscuous. It appears as though many in the community embraced this stereotype at the cost of excluding asexuals and aromantics from much needed representation and support. There are very few characters in fiction and very few real-life public figures who are openly asexual such as Tim Gunn, a fashion consultant on the television show Project Runway. Representation is important especially for children and adolescents so they can relate to someone and realize they are just as normal as anyone else. In this particular case, representation breaks apart any myths of “abnormality” associated with asexuality and aromanticism, and it breaks down the idea that sex and romance is an absolute necessity in order to be happy. It is such a weak excuse to exclude asexuals or aromantics from queer representation and the queer community just because they do not have similar romantic or sexual drives.

Out of curiosity, I asked my friend, Liana, about her experiences as an aromantic woman. She even explained to me the concept of “relationship anarchy,“ which I wholeheartedly agree with.

“It’s the idea that love exists everywhere in many forms,” she said over text message. It doesn’t put any values on love based on if the relationships are friendships or romance. “They’re all equally valid expressions of love. They shouldn’t be treated as anything else.”

She also explained how she faked through two relationships because she did what she was supposed to do, like saying “I love you,” but always wondered why she never felt the romantic spark. In a society which constantly pushes romantic ideals, hardly anyone has the answer to why some people don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction; Liana said,“You just feel broken.”

While I am not aromantic or asexual (or even one hundred percent certain of my romantic or sexual orientations though I have considered possibly identifying as demisexual), I find it easy to understand and sympathize with these struggles facing the ace community. Much like being homosexual or bisexual or whatever orientation, being aromantic or asexual is completely normal. Or even if you do not identify as either, it’s okay to not have romance or sex be such a major focus in life. You can still lead a satisfying and fulfilling life without them; it does not mean you are broken or any less of a human being. There are still an infinity of ways to love someone, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. We need the freedom to express all forms of love just as much as romantic love and recognize it is normal if someone does not desire romance or sex in their lives.

"The songs and the words own the beating of our hearts" - Patrick Stump Imagine #1

Request : Can you pleeeease do one where you’re like sitting on the sidewalk after a Fall Out Boy show then Patrick comes and you gush about how much they mean to you and he gives you his fedora?!:D

This is just a short little treat because I wanted to write something but I wasn’t really in the mood yesterday so, yeah here you go.

It’s basically a little love letter to my favorite band EVER.

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My Story

I have been doing so much thinking this past month. Maybe a little too much. I have been feeling incredible lows but then beautiful highs. I’ve been learning so much, changing, growing… and I want to share something with you guys. Something that was the hardest thing for me to learn and accept in my life. 

You can’t control everything. I feel like this fact alone is a huge source of everyone’s depression and anxiety and whatever struggle their facing that makes it so hard for them to breathe or get out of bed in the morning and just face another day in this crazy world. 

You can’t control how people feel. You can’t control what people do. You can’t control what happens. Discovering this back in high school once defeated me. It made me so physically and mentally exhausted I didn’t even want to live anymore. Breathing became so hard, getting out of bed was a battle, looking my loved ones in the eyes and feeling like I was letting them down and not being good enough tore my insides to shreds. 

I experienced a lot of pain, a lot of failure, a lot of mistakes, a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety, a lot of anger, a lot of sadness, a lot of jealousy, a lot of bitterness, a lot of hopelessness, a lot of being numb… and I couldn’t help but scream at God and the world and people in my life and blame them for my, what I believed to be, shitty life. All I did was love others, help others, stay kind, and stay genuine and I couldn’t fathom why I still felt the way I felt. I didn’t understand why despite doing the best I could, nothing was going the way I wanted it to. I lost two of my best friends in the entire world for seemingly no reason. I lost the first love I ever had. I lost little things all at once like my passion for art and music, my pets, my close relationship with relatives, and I ended up losing myself. 

I started hurting myself, starving myself, picking fights, and plain and simply gave up. The people who tried to help kept telling me “I know it sucks but this is just life, it is what it is, you have to just keep going” and I didn’t grasp their words and just twisted it by saying “well if this is what life is, I wish to take no part in it”. I told myself life is a cruel game and I do not want to play anymore. 

So I tried to kill myself. At first slowly, not like one dramatic attempt at ending my life. I didn’t eat hoping I would whither away to nothing. I purposefully drove at reckless speeds and would sometimes close my eyes and take my hands off the steering wheel for a moment and see if I’d crash. I picked fights with people who scared me wondering if they would hurt me. Then years passed and I was still… lost. I couldn’t shake the heaviness in my chest. I felt empty, like my soul was gone. I would sit next to people and feel thousands of miles away.

Finally one night, I decided to make the death I longed for look like an accident. Just a couple weeks after my eighteenth birthday. I was in the back seat of my old car next to a once close friend while a guy I didn’t know was driving and my other friend was in the passenger seat. We were all drinking and being silly. At least that was everyone else’s idea. No one really knew exactly what was going on and I had secretly taken a lot of my antidepressants before grabbing the bottle of tequila and drinking half the bottle in giant gulps all at once. Then my world went black. I left and I came back. I was in one town, then another. I was in the back of the car, then the front. I was on the side of the road puking and then I was holding a cop’s warm hand and hearing him say “shhh, it’s going to be okay”. Then I was in an ambulance. Then I was in a hospital bed and nurses were yelling at me and trying to get me to stop shaking. I was apparently seizing up and they had no choice but to knock me out. I woke up in a completely different town on a couch that was too small, in hospital robes. Then my sister drove us home. My mom was speechless. Since I was eighteen, no one had to inform my family since legally I was an adult. I just went and laid down in my bed and slept for three days. When I would wake up from time to time, I would hear my mom crying. She called up my dad, who was once again stationed over in Iraq, to have him talk to me. That was the most guilty I ever felt in my entire life. My father is everything to me. I respect and love him like no other. I look up to him. Every thing I did, getting perfect grades, being kind, it was all to make him proud of me. It was the least I could do for him constantly sacrificing his time and body and life just so i could live a secure and comfortable life financially. So I lied and said I was just being stupid and too drunk and not paying attention to what I was doing. That was the end of that conversation.

As time passed I still wasn’t alright. The heaviness wasn’t there constantly anymore, but I felt like that was wrong. I became so comfortable in my own personal hell that that was all I craved. It was all I knew after all. All I knew was what it felt like to be unloved, to associate with the wrong people, to sacrifice your time and money so others could be okay, to be misunderstood, and to be alone. There were times where I accepted it and liked it. I lost more people during these times and made even more mistakes. I hurt a lot of people. So despite my good intentions, I definitely wasn’t being a good person. I was seeing a behavioral psychologist at the time named Joelle. I kind of thought the whole experience was so surreal. She was straight out of a movie, wore animal print clothing and fur jackets. She never gave me specific instructions on what to do and how to live, which is what I expected therapists to do. She just listened to me tell my story and would give me her unbiased feedback. So I thought it was a waste of my time. 

I felt that about everything. All my attempts to be okay were a waste of time. Nothing any of my loved ones said to me would help. Nothing Joelle said to me would help. Nothing made sense. Nothing was clicking. When my high school graduation came we went on a senior class trip to Sunday River. I had a lot of fun. I went zip lining, aggressively played laser tag, and just tried to immerse myself in social activities. And then it happened. The guy I had known since the fifth grade, who became my best friend, the one I mistakenly fell in love with, who I fought with constantly, who pushed me away just as much as I pushed him away, instigated a fight with me. A handful of our friends were arguing and him and I took different sides. I finally couldn’t hold my tongue and I said “why can’t you ever stop being such an asshole?” and he glared at me, long and hard, I could see him trying to choose the words to say, and then he said them. “This is why I’m not friends with you anymore.” and then I felt it. I felt myself die all over again. Most of the people I were on the trip with had gone to bed, but my gay best friend Jared was sitting with me and letting me sob in his arms. I couldn’t get a hold of myself though. Something was off that night. I eventually whispered “I just need to be alone” and he let me walk away. We were staying in a resort and had all the two floors to ourselves. I went down a hall that was unoccupied and shut away behind a big metal door and walked to the end where there was a window. I think I might have shut off then because I don’t quite remember exactly what happened from there. I remember looking down for a brief moment out the window and wanting to jump and suddenly the fear set in. I remember curling up in a ball and rocking back and forth and crying and slamming my fists and even my head against the wall. Eventually I think I must have been ashamed and didn’t want to wake anyone up so I ran out of the resort into the rainy night with no shoes on. I ran and ran and many people chased me. I was tackled to the ground a lot. I kicked and screamed and kept falling and getting cut up by the rocks on the ground. Finally, the same boy who said those words to me, the same boy who was once my best friend in the entire world, caught me, and I stopped running. I stopped fighting. I just collapsed into his arms and we both sank to the ground. I remember weakly punching my fists against his chest and repeating over and over and over “you promised… you promised me… why did you break your promise… why are you gone..” and then the cops showed up. Him and I were separated. He was interviewed and I was interviewed. The cops had to make sure I wasn’t actually trying to kill myself and I convinced them of that. I said I had a panic attack, and maybe that’s all it was, but I really don’t know. I still really don’t know what happened that night.

When the sun came up the trip was officially over and we were all driving back to the school. Everyone looked at me strangely. Some people looked genuinely concerned. Some people looked frightened. We arrived at the school and I found him, that guy. I asked him to come over to my car and he did and I asked him to hug me. I said “I just want us to be okay again. I want my best friend back. Please. I’m sorry I’m like this.” and he kept saying “I know… I know, Kelly. I know. I’m sorry.” We hugged one last time and I got in my car and went home and I never saw him again. 

Time passed and I made more mistakes. Got involved with more shitty people. Always being a control freak and hoping I could fix people. I went to college and was miserable again. I didn’t like the school, I didn’t like the people, I didn’t like the classes, I didn’t like what I was doing and who I was. Everything was so overwhelming. I wasn’t sleeping. I was thinking about the past a lot. I was trying to save this one person from committing suicide on a nightly basis. I couldn’t focus. So I quit. I left college. I pushed particular people away. It was a very hard decision to make. And who knows, maybe it was the “wrong” one, but I made the decision to push important things to the side so I could focus on bettering myself. To finally just put all my energy and efforts into myself, rather than other people and things.

It worked.

I got my very first job. I met some pretty great people. I became best friends with a girl named Kayla, who turned out to be the greatest friend I’ve ever made, my best friend soul mate. Things started to get easier. Waking up wasn’t so hard. I really liked my job. I really loved working in retail. I loved interacting with all sorts of people. I always had a smile on my face and it was so worth it when you met those few genuine people. I remembered suddenly how Joelle once told me “fake it until you make it” and I remember laughing and thinking that was the most ridiculous advice for a mental health care professional to give to someone as lost in the darkness as I was. It finally clicked for me. Everything was starting to click for me. All the advice I had received from everyone and everything was finally falling into place and making sense. I don’t really know how it happened. It just did. I think a lot of it had to do with that I wasn’t just looking for it, I was seeing it. I was paying attention. Being patient. Taking it all in. Accepting it. Learning. Applying the advice in my daily routine. 

I started smiling at everyone again. Pouring my love into everything I touched. I was passionate, determined. Things were still hard of course. Bad times were inevitable. But I always, always kept pushing. I was still running this blog and it was such a privilege being there for people and being able to help them through their hard times. My mission from the beginning was to always be sure that this blog was a positive place. No hate, just love for music and love for people. I discovered that I was meant to help. I decided that what I want more than anything is to change the world and inspire, one step at a time. 

I eventually got my very own apartment a couple weeks before turning nineteen with my sister and childhood friend. Like I said earlier, hard times still came. My finances were at an all time low. I was starting to stress out a lot. I ended up getting a second job. I hated having two jobs. It was tiring and would take a toll on me. But I told myself, “this is what i want”. I didn’t want to be in school. I didn’t want to worry about grades. I didn’t want to have to memorize stuff only to forget it and spend thousands of dollars in the process. So I just worked my ass off and focused on my mental health. 

I did it. I woke up one day and it hit me like a train. But god damn was that the best feeling. It was a beautiful epiphany. 

I am not in control of this world or the things and the people in it. But I am in control of me. I am in control of how I react. How I choose to perceive the world and live my life. I am in control of who gets to hurt me and who doesn’t. I am in control of how I feel. And so I was finally at peace. After nineteen years of suffering, it all made sense. I looked at everything that happened to me in a different light. I learned how to love wholly through being treated poorly. I learned how to be a great friend through being alone. I learned what not to do through my mistakes. I learned what I should do through taking chances and leaps of faith and trying. I was no longer lost. I found myself. I learned that happiness is not an inherited right, that we should strive for wholeness instead. That the bad times are just as important as the good times and we should be appreciative of all the chances we get to learn and grow and become better.

I learned how to love myself. I love myself so much. I love my heart. I love my humor. I love my passion. I love my strengths and my weaknesses. I love my good traits and all my flaws. I love that I’m a survivor. And because of this, I found my inner peace and happiness and ultimately my place in the world.

Then I met Trevor. I’ve talked about him a lot before. How amazing he is. How in love with him I am. How he was the first person to love me back. He is so talented, so kind, so strong, and so beautiful. Inside and out. He gave me feelings and experiences I was always denied throughout my short life and oh my god it was so amazing. There were no terrible times. No regrets. Everything was beautiful. I had already saved myself, I was ready for him and to start another chapter in my life.

Unfortunately he is not ready for me. 

Last night he broke up with me. It was bittersweet. I kind of saw it coming. I saw how much he was struggling with himself and his current situations. He’s been being dealt such bullshit cards. Financially he’s struggling. Educationally he’s struggling. Work is exhausting him. I can see in him the things that were once in me. I understand exactly what he’s feeling and going through. He’s carrying so much stress and guilt. When he called I could hear the pain in his voice. When the phone first rang I stared at it for a minute. I didn’t want to pick up. I knew what was coming. I had been having dreams lately of him going away that left me in tears. But last night, I stayed strong. I listened. Even though I didn’t want to. I listened to what he had to say and I understood. I wanted so badly to do what I’ve done my whole life, just argue my points and convince him to stay. But that’s not how it works. I can’t control him. For the first time in my life, I didn’t fight back at the world.

He was so sorry for the distance that was between us lately. I believe him. The last thing he wants to do is hurt me. I believe him. He still thinks I’m amazing and reassured me that I did nothing wrong and that everyone still loves me. I believe him. He said that he feels this is the right thing he needs to do and that he needs to focus on just himself so that he can get through everything and be okay again. I believe in him. I stayed calm and finally agreed to the break up. I’m so happy I said what I said before we got off the phone. I thanked him. I told him how proud of him I was. I told him how much I loved him and that I would always be rooting for him on his pursuit for stability and happiness and peace. We said goodbye and hung up and then I walked into my sister’s room and curled up on her chest and sobbed. I sobbed for a very long time. I talked a lot too. I called up my best friend soulmate Kayla and vented the same things to her. I called my boss saying I would need to take tomorrow off and explained my situation and that I needed time to reflect. But the whole time this was happening, I was smiling and kept laughing. I kept telling my sister how proud of myself I was. That this situation, no matter how painful and broken-hearted it’s leaving me, is making me love myself all the more. It’s like the ultimate test of everything I’ve been through. It’s time for me to truly shine and portray all the lessons I’ve learned through my rocky journey. 

I can’t control everything. I control only me. I trust my heart. I believe in the good in this world. I believe in hope. I believe in optimism. I believe that not everyone is out there to bring me down. I believe I am not doomed to always be alone and suffer. I believe in always helping others. 

Even though Trevor and I are no longer a couple, and I’m going to have to give him back his spare apartment key and pick up my things from his place, and I’m going to have to experience it in waves as it hits me all over again that maybe that will be my last time being in his apartment, my last time being in his presence, and that door will forever be locked to me. But that’s okay. I’m still holding on to the hope that he will come back. Because I remember my story. I remember making the hardest decisions of my life and even if they were sudden and didn’t make sense and hurt other people, I found myself and it worked. I want this so badly for him. Even though I feel it in my bones that he’s my soul mate and the one human being I would like to spend the rest of my life with and experience all the highs and lows together… what I want MOST is for him to find happiness and peace. And if he feels this is how he’ll get there, then so be it. I love him so much I am willing to let him go. 

Maybe he won’t come back. Maybe he’ll find his place and be okay but in a new place, new situations, with new people. But that’s okay too. As long as he will be okay in the end, I am satisfied.

He was not the person who saved me. He didn’t change my life. I saved myself. I found my place long before I met him. But he presented me with the greatest opportunity to prove my strengths and beliefs and that life is still beautiful regardless of what happens to you. For that, I’m forever grateful. 

I still am in love him. And I hope that by letting him go, he’ll remember this. I hope that when he finds his place one day too, whether it takes months or years, he’ll remember me and what I did and how this is why he fell in love with me in the first place. And I hope he comes back. He knows how to find me. I will be right here. Continuing to live my life. Continuing to stay positive. Getting up in the morning. Going to work. Spending time with friends and family. Making lovely memories. Helping people. Never denying myself opportunities to grow and change, even if I experience those inevitable lows from time to time. I’m not afraid.

I love my life. I really do, guys. And I hope that by sharing this story I can give anyone who reads this a glimmer of hope and a better understanding or maybe a push in the right direction.

Life is confusing and random and out of our control. But it can still be so beautiful. It’s still worth living. You just have to keep trying. Peace will find you. I promise you. Apply it. Believe it. You won’t regret it.

Tips: How To Make Dating Fun

-Remember you have so much more ahead of you and so much more in you than finding love with the first person you share whiskey sours with at a crowded dive bar

-Stop thinking about your ex. Start thinking about how flawless you are.

-When dating gets you down, keep thinking about how awesome it feels to know you are about to get kissed by somebody for the very first time.

-Tell your date you’ll be “the mysterious girl in the green shirt” and then wear bright pink, never meet your date. Mysterious!

-Order the nachos and if they have that gooey queso sauce on them, don’t share. Swat hand away if they go near it. Use the axe you brought if you have to.

-Mentally tell yourself you won’t ask about their favorite movie, how many siblings they have, or where they went to college. Instead, think of a weird question like “what’s the last nightmare you had?” or “if you could only bring five foods to an island, what would they be?” and “do you mind if I take your wallet?” or “do you think the people at this bar would hear you scream?” and ask that instead.

-Don’t wear white! Not because of like, wedding shit, but because of marinara sauce and spilling you slob. You SLOB!

-Focus more on whether or not YOU are attracted to them than if they are attracted to you.

-When something is funny, laugh without covering your mouth. Stop shrinking—be as big as you are.

-Tell your bff’s the location of your date and any weird marks/tattoos on your date’s person, lest they try to murder you. Also keep a stack of money in a safe with the name of an attractive hit man one of your single friends might hit it off with. Dates are always fun when you know your murder will be avenged.

-Be completely and utterly yourself. Don’t be an open book: be the Amazon preview of the book that shows the authentic pages without spoiling the whole damn thing. Cuz If somebody’s going to call you for more dates (or love you forever, and spoon baby food into your mouth when you’re toothless and old), they might as well like the real you. Dating isn’t a competition to find out how many people are attracted to the version of yourself you choose to show, it’s a competition to get more than half of the fries you are sharing.

-Also, reminder: you don’t have to go on a date to find true love. That is really hard! You are not in a Disney movie! You can go on a date to find an interesting person to talk about television with, argue with, have casual sex with, or just chalk up to a weird experience.

-OMG if you haven’t read the book or seen the movie, the best answer is not to lie but say “it’s on my list. Have you seen ____” and move them away from that stupid thing people do where they lecture you for not seeing what they think is a great thing.

-If they don’t call you back, brush that shit off your shoulders. There are billions of people on the planet and you are not going to be attracted to all of them, so instead of going “waaaaah I’m ugly and stupid” stop wallowing and realize rejection is not the end of the world, to you or them.

-Don’t put up with shit. Actively dating means you can actively find other people to date: let’s not get caught up in Semi-Alcoholic Johnny Depp Cry Baby who texts in one-word answers just cuz you’re attracted to him. Move the hell on and find somebody whose age matches their level of maturity. Know when to bow the fuck out gracefully.

-Be tough. Just get a thick skin and plow on.

-Be honest with what you want from somebody.

-Suggest a fun but exciting date idea like “let’s stay inside!” or “feed me Pirate’s Booty!” or “go to the zoo and stand by the penguins until they start doing it!” idk I prefer to just go and meet somebody for a coffee and see if I want to jump inside their mouth or if I’d rather shove them on a boat with coins over their eyes, don’t know if this tip is helpful.

-If somebody doesn’t like Community or Parks or Yonce or vegan enchiladas as much as you do, but they genuinely want to go on a date with you, go. If somebody has brown hair instead of blonde hair, or they work on Wall Street or as a bartender or live in Queens, but they genuinely want to go on a date with you, go. Lighten up and a) meet somebody cool b) have a really funny story to tell all your friends at happy hour, three drinks deep.

-If dating tires you out and you just want to be alone for a while, never feel pressure to date. Just because you’re friends are pestering you if you’ve “met anybody new” or some shit, never feel pressure to leave the house and date. Being alone is just as important and just as great.

-Again: want to be a great catch? Be happy alone and be satisfied with yourself. Be your own damn date.

-OMG if they creep you out LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE, you do not need to be a cautionary tale because you are too polite. And yes, still don’t go to the bathroom with an unattended drink. SAFE, y’all. Law and Order SVU, y’all.

-You wanna have fun while dating? Lighten up. Have some fun! Don’t take this creepy ritual we do so seriously, it will all fall into place in time. Kiss and laugh and go egggh and text your friend “ew this is horrible” in the bathroom: all of it is just little moments in this ridiculous ride.

-It’s okay to be nervous. We’re all weirdo human bone bags that meet up with other bone bags to eat penne and talk about our European travels and smoosh our mouths together until we find somebody we want to smoosh for a long time and eat takeout with and make little smooshy poop humans with. It’s gonna be a weird journey. Let’s get weird.

"Life tips/words of wisdom for new college grads? *freaks out about the world and the future*"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

A few things I’ve learned in my 15,000 years on earth. 

(1) Middle school does not prepare you for high school
(2) High school does not prepare you for college
(3) College does not prepare you for real life
(4) Nothing prepares you for anything, ever.

Knowing those things might help a little bit, or maybe they’ll add to your freak out WHO KNOWS. Also, I can nearly guarantee that your internal freak outs will continue to happen regardless of how helpful we are… so… 

I think you should do what you want to do. Not what you think you’ll want to do in 5 years or 10 years or 25 years. What you want right now. Legitimately, actually, really, truly follow your heart. YOLO, you know? You LITERALLY OLO. I know it sounds cliche and stupid to scream ‘follow your heart’ over and over. But you won’t regret going after the things and people you love. Even if you fail, you didn’t fail. You tried, you fought for what you believed in, you did what was best for you. Now is a great time to travel, try out jobs you don’t know that you’re qualified for, flirt with baristas, eat doritos, and, in general, live life in a way that makes you genuinely happy. Fun tip: being happy now will help you understand what you need to be happy later. 

Also, save money. Because something WILL happen that will blow up your shit and you will need at least a tiny savings to fall back on. 

Kristin Says:

“You LITERALLY OLO.” - Dannielle Owens-Reid

Goddamn, you guys… when I read this question I got all goose-bumpy thinking about all of your heads out there in the world who are just about to leave the land of college forever and ever. IT’S SUCH A BIG DEAL AND MOMENT AND ALL THE OTHER TYPES OF THINGS. I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU. HOLY CRAP.

My words o’ wisdom are in three parts (some of which echo Dannielle):

1. Jesus H Christ, Please Save Money. I don’t have many regrets about my life, and in all honesty who can really say what ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ been… but I do know that I was very, very careless with my dollars. I waited tables for a long time out of college, and then got an incredibly well paying job at a hedge fund (LOLOL) and in both scenarios I barely saved a dime. I was like “WHEEEE GROWN UP LIFE IS SO GREAT LET’S BUY NICE WINE AND GO ON VACATIONS.” Sure, I had a ton of fun, and I am not telling you to not spend some money on wine and travel if you can… but make a promise to yourself to budget in a savings if it’s possible. Now, those of you who are in the position I was in when I wasn’t waiting tables / at a hedge fund are like HAHA funny joke I won’t even be able to pay for soup let alone save money. That brings me to my next point:

2. Have Patience. There were many years in my post-college life where I would look around me at people who were able to take their creative passions and make money doing what they loved. I knew I was smart and I knew I had good ideas, and I would get SO ANGRY because I wanted to focus on all of those energies and was stuck working jobs that weren’t fulfilling. I wanted to get to a place where I was established IMMEDIATELY, without putting in some of the work that was needed for me to get there. This is why I caution you to have patience. You have no idea how the jobs you have right out of college are going to impact your overall future. Many of the people I worked with through the years helped advise and support the very initial days of Everyone Is Gay. My hedge fund job allowed me to have the funds to get my MA in Gender Studies, which fueled the beginning of this whole organization. My frustration WITH MY JOB is what inspired me to go back to school in the first place. Patience. Patience. Patience.

3. Work Hard. I am going to let you in on a little secret from the other side of post-college life. Many (many) of your peers are not going to put in 100%, and when employers or colleagues or whomever come across a human (hopefully you) who are willing to put in 110%, you become irreplaceable, valuable, and necessary. It seems too easy, but I can promise you that, as someone who has worked alongside a bunch of humans over the past few decades, I consistently find that people are dumbfounded by my work ethic (which is simply, 'do the work’) and then, because of that, continue to give me better and bigger opportunities. Reach out to organizations and volunteer your time where you can; get as much on the ground experience in the things that you love; work as hard as you can and be consistent. You’ll be amazed at where it gets you over time.

3 ½. Maintain Balance. I can’t leave you with the note to work hard without underlining the importance of always, always finding time for yourself, for your brain, and for your balance. Find the things and the places that let you re-center, whether that be a spiritual practice, running outdoors, or reading the newspaper for 15 minutes each morning, keep them as a constant in your life.

Holy crap, HAPPY (ALMOST) GRADUATION YOU GUYS!!!
<3<3 *screams* <3<3

Steve x Natasha / Steve x Sharon {CACW Analyzation} SPOILERS AHEAD

Reasons why Sharon & Steve aren’t really a thing and Natasha & Steve TOTALLY are. SPOILERS AHEAD. Watched CACW last night and slept on it. I am still on a CACW high, but it’s possible that I may have forgotten or got confused with some scenes because I only watched it once, so far. FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG AT PARTS! Constructive criticism is appreciated if there are disagreements!

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Breathe (a season 3 AU) - Episode 1

So, as I’ve announced to some of you after the utter mess that was season 3, here’s my own version of it. I tried to keep it close to what was shown to us so that you have precise images in your head (I don’t think I’m making any sense, am I?). Anyway, it’s kind of a “I won’t let you go” sequel, since I’ll write Rae and Finn in the same way. Also, please don’t be too hard on me, I know we all had great expectations from s3, this is my mere ideal vision of it :3.  I hope you’ll enjoy and that it’ll soothe your broken hearts a bit.

All my gratitude and thanks to my angel llexis , you’re literally my favorite person on Earth (and my number one fan, right :D? haha)

TW : mention of self-harm.

The wonderful people who wished to be tagged: 14000romances ; allimidori ; alyssaloca ; angieptt ; anglophileyoungblood ; areyousad8118 ; becauseyouarestrong ; bitchy-broken ; borntosikcarpe-libris ; celestev31 ; ducky17 ; facephase ; fantasticab ; flxwxry ; hewittgolightly ; i-dream-of-emus; ililypop ; kneekeyta ; kristicallahan ; lethallylauren ; llexis ; milllottmilymargot ; mirandasmadeofstone ; mmfdftw ; murderyoursoul ; myfinnnelsonplsninjarunningzico ; nenita1978 ; tinakegg ; twlokigoose ; voodoomarie ; wandering-soul-7 fizzezlikecherrycola annemarieted lilaviolet emu4ever kristicallahan @rumorsincolor nutinanutshell rinncincin jackiewalsh2013

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