I just wanted her to be a friendly lesbian that's all

the bold type was so unprecedented like i watched that first episode n kat is all “ahhh im a proud hetero u kno :-)” and i rly thought that was gonna be the end of it! i thought it was gonna go the exact way of all “str8 woman meets a lesbean n thinks she’s being hit on” content where theres clear chemistry that every queer on earth picks up on but str8s cant see and that would be it! and i just kind of resigned myself to the fact that this was just gonna be another feminist=str8 girl power shows

but then the intro to the second episode was like “no kat is entirely smitten! this plot line is not only ongoing but going to take up a third of the shows action!” yall i was YELLING and im really not exaggerating when i say i have never seen this kind of queer female rep….ever

this relationship. is btwn 2 woc. one of whom is a practicing muslim lesbian who wears the hijab (and as the sapphic love interest of color for the questioning main is everything that uhhhh floriana LIAR wishes she/sanvers ship was and thats the tea!)

and one of whom is a biracial Black woman who very realistically questions her orientation and its just…..the thing abt it is she’s so excited to figure this out! She’s confused and doesn’t rly know how to handle these feelings but she’s still havin fun on the journey! shes just havin a good time! and i have NEVER seen that before. the coming out process is always framed as this painful horrible excruciating sad process and at times yeah it is but other times? it’s nice. sometimes it is really truly just Good and (for the moment) untouched by all the sad parts str8 society forces on us.

and when kat tells her friends that shes questioning they just…support her? sutton says “we have to unpack this!” all excitedly bc she rly just wants to help! she wants to help kat figure it out bc she’s just a genuinely good friend! she’s! not! trying! to! label! kat!

jane lets kat fish a yoni egg out of her vag in a scene that WASN’T framed as a “haha were all just So Straight this isnt even weird! Like I love straight we can act so gay and just Be Straight u kno :)” like literally 3 seconds before kat was talkin abt how she might be into girls n jane still asks her to take it out AND doesn’t make any “haha don’t enjoy this TOO much :-)” type jokes or seem uncomfortable abt anything besides the fact that her friend has a hand inside her vagina like….in this age of Bad allyship where “”“”“"friendly”“”“”“ homophobia has kind of? Become? A thing? hell nope this scene and this friendship changed my whole ass life!!

the signs as people from my university
  • Aries: That girl who loves partying and socializing with people, she's a fangirl of so many buffed-up singers and she's so pretty. She's kinda judgmental and she's homophobic but she follows so many gay people and likes their posts and nobody in my generation really understands why. She can be really impulsive sometimes and she hates classes but she's a good friend and a funny person
  • Taurus: That girl who is always late, she has social anxiety and she's silent af. Grades are not her forte'. She tries to socialize very hard and everyone is annoyed by the fact that she tries to discuss things that she really doesn't know shit about. She is afraid of some professors, she is christian af and she is kinda lost, but she's a good girl who believes in the supernatural and she always invites us to coffee at her place
  • Gemini: The girl who loves spending time with people, she always loves to discuss about every topic, she knows so much about many things, she's doing great with her grades and she's among the top 5 students in the entire generation. Also, she has PERFECT, sonorous American accent and everybody loves it. She always initiates coffee gatherings but nobody really comes because she's not that much of a leader and her voice is so soft so nobody could really hear when she's talking. She's also a passionate gamer AND in the same time she finds time to maintain her grades and social life
  • Cancer: That (jock) guy who's the tallest one, he's blonde, buffed-up and he's the definition of a straight white boy. He's childish as fuck and he can become very boring sometimes. Once, my colleagues have shooed him out of the cafeteria because he was bothering them. He also tells so many stupid dad-jokes and laughs at his own jokes, flirts with some professors, has been single since forever (not that he's ugly - he's average looking but he's so much boring sometimes because he doesn't have any real friends and he gets excited about people so he doesn't know WHEN to stop). He literally flirts with every single female human being that he can find and he pushes them all away because he's pushy af. He's also introverted and doesn't really know his way with girls
  • Leo: That girl who's one of the top students in the generation. She's always smiling, she has the best grades, she always tries to present this "perfect" image of herself. She is very intelligent and she loves reading, she gets drunk like every second day but that doesn't stop her from maintaining her perfect grades. She's very successful and she's a good leader, she knows all the fresh gossip and she always sits in the first row with her best university friend. In fact, she and her best uni friend are hated by everyone because they're just so successful and everyone's jealous of them. She also secretly hates everybody and gossips with her best uni friend. She and her friend have tons of screenshots ready to blackmail people if anyone says anything against them lmao. But everyone (every zodiac sign) in this generation pretends we like each other so...
  • Virgo: That professor who's VERY detail-oriented and she's a big perfectionist but she can't fix her awful handwriting. She's very successful and she has TONS of potential, she literally KNOWS EVERYTHING about her subjects but sometimes she can really drain us physically and emotionally. She gives us tons of assignments and homework and she always gives us lectures on the most difficult courses. Jfc she behaves like we study in Cambridge / Oxford. But don't get me wrong, she's NOT a bad person. She's actually a VERY good person and at the end of each semester she buys us coffee and tea, she talks with us about our experience with the course and she just wants us to learn some things that we should learn, that's why we perceive her as "difficult" and "problematic"
  • Libra: That girl who loves hugging, has great communication skills and is a social justice warrior. She thinks that she's everyone's friend and she always tries to criticize everyone's opinion, thinking that she'll seem and sound more intelligent. She also listens to rock and metal, she loves children and she smokes a lot, she's very sensitive and she's very friendly. Once, on the Facebook group of the university, she tried to accuse Pisces of something he didn't do and he literally ruined her in front of all those people, that was one of her biggest mistakes she's ever done in uni because she didn't know that that guy can be pretty evil when someone tries to insult/hurt him. The next day in uni she was on the verge of a mental breakdown because that guy really hurt her with his words, making her look stupid and pretentious, and everybody stopped talking to that guy for like, a month or two
  • Scorpio: That girl who's late in class 90% of the time, and those 10% she's not present in class. She is very quiet and she doesn't show particular interest in anything. She doesn't have a taste in fashion and style, unlike most Scorpios that I know. She just wants to go home all the time and nobody knows what she's doing in her life, she's so mysterious and she's not a good teamworker because she doesn't really care about her grades
  • Sagittarius: That girl who can't stop talking and she's always arguing with someone but we all love her. She's very communicative but she's insecure at the same time. She has tons of likes on Facebook and Instagram. She's a VERY open-minded girl, she hates racism, homophobes, nazi scum and racists. She's a really good friend with Leo and Pisces but Capricorn is her bff and her roommate. She has an excellent taste in fashion, style and music and she has S_L_A_Y_I_N_G eyebrows. I think that she's bi/lesbian but maybe she's closeted. She always hugs Capricorn and gets beaten by Capricorn because Capricorn can't stand people touching her
  • Capricorn: That girl who loves vintage notebooks, loves taking studyblr photos and uploads them on tubmlr and Instagram, she loves journeys and we haven't heard her talking for THREE GODDAMN YEARS. She is very antisocial and introverted but she has excellent taste for art, film, music and she's like 24/7 on her phone because it's obvious that she can't stand most of us but she's always sweet and supportive when someone approaches her. Sometimes she doesn't want to talk and she just smiles as a response. She's Sagittarius' best friend and roommate and they've became really close friends. She also loves journeys and she's a daydreamer but she's very intelligent. Her grades are not that good, she's not an attention whore and she tries to be "invisible" but she simply can't
  • Aquarius: That guy with his cockney accent who has insane memory and loves football. He's actually a loner, he's a bit creepy and weird, le loves britpop and indie nd he was one of the best students in the first two years of uni but his grades dropped. He's like, very secretive and he can be pretty arrogant and you just can't sit next to him because he's telling jokes all the time which takes your attention away. He is a loner and once he publicly told us that he used to have cyber sex with his girlfriend because she lived in another country and they've never met in real life (I mean, who tells such things omg Aqua get your shit together). He tries to insult people and he tries to be sarcastic but he can only be sarcastic with the stupid ones. He also thinks that he's a know-it-all and that he's the most intelligent person in the world. He can be really judgmental sometimes and he pushes people away with that
  • Pisces: That guy who always sits in the first row with his best university friend and is one of the top students in the generation. He's also a model, nerd, gamer, works out and whatnot. He is sweet to everyone and talks to everyone but he can be very sassy at times. He was the one who had a verbal fight with Libra because Libra triggered him and he destroyed her verbally. He's really skinny and dreamy and he has a very deep voice and an excellent taste in fashion and style. His style is kinda dark and he's so aesthetic. He listens to some music that no other people in the world listen to but he also listens to some mainstream music. In fact, he listens to whatever he wants and he doesn't really think about what other people think about him. He tends to roll his eyes a lot and he cares about his physical beauty more than he cares about his love life. He's too egotistic and self-centered and he's extremely picky, which makes him single most of the time.
wlw queerbaiting survey results!

thank you to every wlw skam fan who took mine and @aliciqvikander ‘s survey! we ended up with 313 responses! below is a summary of each question.

disclaimer: though it was explicitly stated that the survey was for wlw, there were several straight people that decided to take the survey and give disrespectful/homophobic answers, and they were deleted from the survey pool. this survey is by and for wlw skam fans, and the below statistics will reflect that. the point of this survey was to give wlw skam fans a place to share their thoughts, not for straight people to spout homophobic rhetoric.

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  • (These are actual arguments I've come across, but never all at once, but I'm putting them all together here just because.)
  • Moffat/Eleven supporter: Remember when Ten mind-raped Donna? Yeah, that's why I like Eleven better.
  • Me: Hahaha, remember when Eleven did the exact same thing roughly 3.5 billion times over (estimating the human population in 1969), making all of humanity into murderers in the process?
  • Moffat/Eleven supporter: Well...what about when Ten forced Rose to go to Pete's World against her will?
  • Me: Remember when Eleven turned roughly 3.5 billion people into murderers against their will? Or when Eleven kissed Jenny against her will? Or Rory? Or slapping Clara's bottom without permission, in front of her family? Or exposed himself in front of Clara's family, without her knowledge even? Or eyed Jenny up without her permission (friendly reminder that she's a married lesbian)?
  • Moffat/Eleven supporter: What about that time Ten COMMITTED GENOCIDE AGAINST THE RACNOSS?
  • Me: After he did everything he possibly could to offer them a safe home elsewhere, and only did what he did to save humanity, and even then it was portrayed as a bad thing, and remember that time that Eleven committed genocide against the Silents, using the human race as a weapon, against their will, and it was a victory?
  • Moffat/Eleven supporter: Well, Ten also committed genocide against the Daleks!
  • Me: No, he didn't, and that was also framed as one of the greatest crimes ever, fit for exile from this entire universe, and you're forgetting the Saturnyns, another genocidal victory at the hands of the Eleventh Doctor.
  • Moffat/Eleven supporter: Well, Ten was too mopey after Rose was taken away from him. He completely ignored Martha.
  • Me: Like how Eleven was so mopey that he completely ignored everybody for a few hundred years after he lost the Ponds? Oh, and Eleven also neglected River after that, because I guess maybe he was too depressed to even bother seeing his "wife" after he lost the Ponds? Or something?
  • Moffat/Eleven supporter: Ten also said Donna wasn't special!
  • Me: In regards to not understanding why any aliens would want to abduct her, as well as not understanding why/how she teleported into the TARDIS, and was quickly called out on it, and worked very hard to make up for it. Meanwhile, Twelve told a child that she wasn't special just because, and was called out on it, then took the child to the moon once to "make up for it." And it turns out she was forced to just spend some of that time sitting in the TARDIS on tumblr on her phone, although, to be fair, I suppose we were just talking about Eleven here.
So, my friend watched Wicked for the first time and was messaging me all throughout it... These are actual messages I received that basically describe all of Wicked.
  • Her: But why the fuck is it so dark like is it supposed to be or did they not turn the lights on yet or
  • Her: WOOOO.
  • Her: okay more singing
  • Her: This fairy chick looks like Emily Osment.
  • Her: Dem vocals hot damn.
  • Her: Aw poor green skinned lady. No one likes you.
  • Her: AWH THAT'S SAD.
  • Her: Elphaba that's who she is okay.
  • Her: Okay who is this prissy bitch who has fancy fucking clothes like 'I got a private suite huehue'.
  • Her: Fuck off.
  • Her: I hope someone spills something on your fancy clothes cunt.
  • Her: Okay so greenbean over here has magic powers.
  • Her: Ugh prissy bitch is back.
  • Her: Stop singing cunt no one gives a fuck. Not even "mumsy and Popsicle" or whatever you fucking said.
  • Her: Good loathe each other.
  • Her: WHAT.
  • Her: Ugh Elphie just kick her in the ass already. Make her loathe the footprint on the back of her dress.
  • Her: Is. Is that professor um, A goat.. Thing.
  • Her: It's GAlinda. With a GA.
  • Her: Okay who's the queer who did the gay handshake.
  • Her: He's so gay. Don't tell me he isn't.
  • Her: oh my gOD THOSE DANCE MOVES
  • Her: Oh please, Galinda is his cover up.
  • Her: Did prissy bitch just kiss rich boy.
  • Her: Okay Bock. Or Bach. What the fuck ever. Better not be messing with wheelchair girl's feelings.
  • Her: Oh is she being nice. Or weird. Idk both.
  • Her: Awh are they gonna be all friendly.
  • Her: Lesbians.
  • Her: I ship them.
  • Her: Green Bean + Prissy Bitch 5eva.
  • Her: LESBIANS.
  • Her: This bitch runs off to scream into a pillow omfg.
  • Her: Galinda what the fuck are you doing.
  • Her: N o. Not Rich Boy and Green Bean.
  • Her: Don't fall in love. Stop. Get away from each other.
  • Her: WHAT. WHnaojsalnaNO. WHAT.
  • did you just tell her to shut up. Excuse you ungrateful bitch.
  • Her: what happened to her shoEHAHWN WALKING.
  • Her: I want a Boq.
  • Her: NESSA STOP.
  • Her: My. Fucking. Feels.
  • Her: Rich boy don't love you, prissy bitch.
  • Her: What's going on.
  • Her: CAT FIGHT.
  • Her: IM GONNA CRY. STOP. I'm gonna cry.
  • Her: I'm crying. That's it. I'm done.
  • Her: Im gonna throw myself in front of a bus.
  • Her: I'm not gonna make it.
  • Her: Stop fucking hugging ugh. Fuck this whole fucking musical.

Listen to me. Listen. Listen. If you havent even played the game thats okay read this anyways, I have a point about straight culture
Okay here’s what i gotta tell you, straight people culture exists and here’s what it means.
Its straight people finding the one game where you’re borderline predetermined into a girl on girl relationship.
Seriously guys this is it. This is the ultimate example of straight people shit, straight people culture, lemme tell you.
There’s this game that is basically a linear story, minus a few smaller choices that you can switch up.
You can choose whether you want eggs or Belgian waffles but okay this is not the point.
Listen fellas. This entire game is pushing these two girls together, as i said its a linear story, it’s fated.
It’s fated. The chemistry is undeniable. Your character spends almost the entire game WITH this other character, this other girl. It’s very very very clear from the beginning that they are meant to be love interests.
Okay so here’s the thing guys.
There’s a random dude in the background you know? A dude. He’s not the worst dude ever considering. He’s pretty nice, and I kind of like him as a character. He has this crush on the main gal. And I mean a BIG OL crush. Guys I mean he’s texting her 20+ times a day whether she answers or not, he doesnt give a fuck he is texting and always going in for hugs and just being a loser who has this puppy crush.
The thing is, you know what. Random dude pops up on screen maybe once per chapter for a few minutes each. He is clingy and nerdy and he and this main girl have no chemistry together at all.
Let me tell you this girl doesn’t want that dickie unless you force her to interact with him via decisions.
Because this game is what i thought was revolutionary ive just been playing through totally business, looking for my lesbians. He does his weirdo puppy love thing and straight up stands up this other girl who likes him, who he had plans to go to the movies with, and asks the main girl to go with him instead. Are you hearing this? He had plans to go with a girl who really liked his ass and then he told her he was going with his puppy love instead. He ditched her.
She was stressed.
Let me specify again that Max shows no instinct reaction to his advances. She DOES NOT make any moves with Warren that the player doesn’t forcefully initiate. He shows up once per chapter at best. Look there is no TIME for them to show chemistry, she doesnt hang with him, she barely texts him back, this girl does not go outta her way to be around this dude. She aint trust him with her secrets until she has NO ONE else to tell, and she tells him outta desperation because she needs help. She told her girlfriend EVERYTHING immediately, she and her girlfriend are together almost 24/7 in this game im not even being dramatic.
You got straights in forums sayin that their first kiss was just gals being pals, I cant make this shit up. You got straights saying that its just friendly kissing and hand holding and flirting, theyre bffs theres no gay.
They have a passionte fucking kiss in the last chapter guys, she and her girlfriend, passionate, mouth on mouth, hands cupping face, love.
As I said, there are parts to this game that are linear story. THAT kiss is linear, you cant get away from that, nor the love confessions at the end. You dont have to force the main to kiss her, or profess love, you dont choose it, the characters do, that is linear. Their love is the endgame.
The dude? You gotta manually accept his date offers, the ones in which he stands up the other girl he had, if you do. If you accept all his offers and push your main girl into him in the few scenes they have together, okay lemme tell you, you do have an option to kiss him. You have the option. No i love yous or anything else, no main character feelings, just, you make her romance him.
Okay im not dragging him yet he’s okay as a person other than standing up that poor girl- but lets just say, this badass bitch main girl, little tiny pixie angel, she has this really brutal nightmare and in that nightmare she’s haunted by everyone that has caused her issues.
This shit is just a nightmare, this is going on in her head, so its not really anything you can hold against him personally.. But listen guys. Listen fellas, this part in the nightmare she’s running from people. Aka the school principal who was bullying her at the beginning, a janitor who you can have a minor conflict with, a security guard who harasses her, a fucked up guy who terrifies her, and a teacher who’s actually fucked up smh, you’ll know if you play. and this guy. This clingy-ass straight guy, who is inherently a good guy for the most part, but… Look he is super clingy and the game makers are SELF AWARE of him and his almost weird tendencies. Listen guys.
I mean to say. She has an actual nightmare about him where she’s hiding from him as he stalks her through rows of lockers sayin really self aware shit.
That says to me very clearly that on some level of consciousness, main girl is AWARE and fears his clinginess and his feelings for her.
She finds his locker in this fucked up locker okay? She finds his locker and opens it, and theres a fuckin doll of herself staring back, and a bunch of photos of her, including the words ‘MY MAX’ in red ink.
U know the shit he was sayin was like ‘You can run, but you can’t escape your white knight.’ and like making fun of her girlfriend like ‘who’s that blue haired freak? you need an alpha male to take care of you’.
Like shit man thats fucked up. They’re friends in her real life but yo when your subconscious is giving you nightmares about him tracking you down saying nasty shit you know he’s too clingy 4 you.
your brain doesnt give you that for no reason, and i mean this nightmare was lucid. This was very lucid. This nightmare was reflecting every single fear Max had back at her, this shit was very aware,
it wasnt some bizarre dream that had no relevance to her real problems. It WAS her problems.
oh also okay you know what?? literally another part of the nightmare was her seeing her girlfriend with multiple other people, kissing, posing, etc. Her nightmare was her losing her girl to some other girl or guy.
Bruh. Bruh. Come on, i mean the end of the nightmare was her reliving every good moment she’d ever had with her girlfriend 2, it was her on memory lane, unable to find Chloe while remembering every good moment they had.
Lemme tell you this game is so gay it doesnt know what to do with itself, look fellas.
What my point is here, this is straight culture. Straights play this game, the one game with canon girl action, and they direct the character to the lonely guy who texts Max 20 times a day. they take screenshots of those 20 texts and they post bout how cute it is some shit like
they go on forums and post that the ‘I love you’ was gal pals. They go on tumbls and highlight the few moments that the main even interacted with the desperate dude
They screencap that chemistry-less, dry shit and they go ‘awwwww’
like guys why do they gotta find the one game where the story is all about two girls falling in love and facing several issues together. why they gotta find that story, and go and ship the main with the ONE obligatory straight dude who spends the whole game crawlin up her ass
you know unless u shove main girl at him the few times you see him and accept all his advances it doesnt even give you the option to kiss him.
It only gives you that option defeatedly if you’ve spent the whole game tryna hide your lesbians because the makers are self aware that the straights are lurking in the fanbase
Okay this is a long ass story and rant fellas, let me summarize why I’m mad. I’m not mad because the writers caved and let these straights have their way with a ‘kiss him’ option in the last chapter. I could be pissed. Because of the hours of time spent developing this girl on girl relationship and showing them falling for each other. I could be mad because they just caved last minute. but im not. they gotta cater to the heteronormative side of the fanbase. If they didnt give that option we’d have a riot = to the riots caused by your fav sports team losing the superbowl where they flip cars and shit. you know the straights would be offended and say that straights are oppressed and all that weird, delusional whatsit. Boycott or demand their 15$ back. idc let them have their pity win
I’m not mad that the straights are going around saying that these two women making out are gal pals.
Im not even mad that the straights don’t acknowledge that this dudebro is bad for badass main bitch, to the point where her subconscious refers to him as a white knight who just wants her for her body to perverted, extreme lengths. I’m not mad about that. They put him on a pedestal and say he’s perfect for her while pointing out the girlfriend’s flaws (and yes she has some biggies). NBD. I’m not super mad they clearly have a straight bias, erasing all the negativity from the hetero-hell ship and boosting the negativity of the canon gay ship to make it look like hetero = healthier. (Im more bitterly disappointed about this onee)
I’m kinda mad because lemme tell you, friends, this is the one game i’ve played where the predetermined endgame love is between two girls automatically.
I’m kinda mad because of the fact that straights have found this one godsend, and then they all force the straight option.
I’m mad because i finished my game and the percentage of players who kissed the dudebro was 66% and rising. Over half of the fanbase ships her with this dude who appeared for less than 30-overall minutes in the game. This dude who just kind of.. has an awkward crush and gets touchy and clingy and irritating sometimes hot damn.
Half of my fandom ships this weird ass, fake, forced ship instead of the endgame.
Why? Lemme tell you. Because the canon is two girls.
The guy doesn’t need to have chemistry with the main girl, or on screen development, he doesn’t need to do anything special, he doesn’t need to fit any standards aside from being a cisdude who wants to dip dick with the main girl. Legit. That’s the only standard, he’s the obligatory male ‘option’.
And 66% of players, playing a game with canon girl on girl love, found the one straight dude and went out of their way to ship the main chick with him, ignoring her girl feels.
And that is straight culture. Taking over anything remotely lgbt in the most subtle way possible. Finding heteronormativity in the gayest of things and broadcasting it to drown out the gay.
Homophobia isnt just direct insults and physical abuse anymore. Its subtle efforts to draw attention away from lgbt media by making it straightwashed. It’s finding the straight option in anything without fail- and if there is no straight option, making a fuss about it. Homophobia has a lot of branches, this one just HIT MY FANDOM IN THE FACE. im ashamed of this fandom.

anonymous asked:

My mum always brings up kids to me despite knowing how incredibly uncomfortable I am around children. I know I wouldn't be a good parent and I also know I definitely don't want kids no matter what. This caused her to say she'll lock me, a lesbian, in a room with a guy until he gets me pregnant and then I'll HAVE to give her grandkids. I'm disgusted honestly because thanks, mother, that's rape and you are also a shitty person! Why is "I don't want kids" so hard for people to understand?

Holy smokes. Maybe it’s just me, but when jocular rape threats become a casual part of conversation, I start severely limiting the number of conversations.

I’ve pondered this for a while, trying to find some suggestions for you… comfort and reassurance are important, but solutions are better than commiseration. 

So I figure you have two major options.

1) For the sake of harmony, you could try a Do Not Engage policy. When your mum brings the subject up, keep politely and breezily changing it. (As a seriously successful strategy, a sudden frown and “Can you smell smoke?” is your instant way out of any conversation you don’t want to be in.) 

If she directly asks you and insists upon an answer, say non-committal things like “That’s really not on the cards right now,” or “I figure you should only become a parent when you’re certain, otherwise it’s not fair on the child”.

The problem with this option is that it doesn’t fix anything. It just dodges the issue. Your mum sounds like the persistent type, so you’ll need a lot of patience just to hand-wave this subject away forever.

2) Door slam. Your mum needs some serious social ‘time out’.

It works like this: if someone has been giving you grief, and you’ve made your position calmly and politely clear to them, then they continue to hound you about it…  try the door slam. 

The big rule: don’t be angry. Be cold. This is a different thing entirely to shouting back and arguing. 

Instead, when the topic comes up again, close it down with a frown and, “You know how I feel by now. I don’t want to talk about this again.” 

Then, the next few times you encounter them, be cold. You can be polite, but be reserved, unforthcoming and distant. You don’t want to be radiating anger and resentment here - what you are is unimpressed, not fuming.

You will be amazed how well this can work.

I’ve used it on various people, not just for childfree grief. The douchebag I share an office with has been door-slammed three times now, and I’ve had three sincere (if nervous) apologies. It’s pretty magical as a technique.

Often people don’t realise how much they’re pissing us off. Weirdly, getting angry at them doesn’t get the message across - we can dismiss other people’s anger as unreasonable. “Sarah is so bitchy sometimes, what’s her problem? She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

But when someone is cold… we get the message pretty quick that we’ve fucked up.

This will work especially well if you’re usually very open and honest and friendly with people, happy to share your emotions and thoughts. The sudden withdrawal of your warmth can be enough of a shock, like a slammed door, to make people realise they’ve been shitty. 

When an olive branch is offered to you (Office-Mate Douchebag usually brings me crisps…), it’s up to you whether you accept it with grace and move on, trusting they’ve learned their lesson, or if you want to talk it out. 

Because this is your mum, not some loser you have to share an office with, it might be good to talk. You can tell her how you really feel, including that it freaks you out when she jokes she’d have you raped for grandkids. Nobody should have to hear that from their mum.

Either way… I hope things work out for you. I really, truly do. I’m sorry you’re getting grief.

If it all gets too awful… and perhaps this is cold of me, but… it’s purely random that you were assigned to this individual in a child-parent capacity. The universal lottery threw you together that day in the maternity ward. It doesn’t have to stay that way. It’s your choice who you spend time with, who gets to be a treasured influence in your life. If someone is filling your days with poison, making you unhappy and trying to dictate your choices for you, don’t let shared genetics cancel all that out. Nobody deserves a guaranteed seat of power in your heart.

Let me know how you get on - I hope things get easier for you. Take care of yourself.

As a proud member of the roleplaying community, and as a proud bisexual, I find myself feeling less than comfortable sometimes around things that people say about bisexuals, but more specifically about their bisexual characters. This probably won’t be long, but I felt like this was something that needed to be said, and has some things that could pertain to admins as well as anyone else in the community, bisexual or not. 

Because as open as you are, you shouldn’t choose to not listen without at least knowing what is being said.

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