I hope it actually is from I am what I am

5
  1. The older I get, the more forgiving I am of spelling/grammar/usage errors in non-professional writing settings like this. I’m a long way from perfect in this regard. Just see how I struggle with commas. I also recognize that really excellent writing in a technical sense is a kind of privilege, and many haven’t had the rigorous education needed to master it. So, write what you feel and I’ll never judge. EXCEPTION: if you can’t figure out how to put line breaks between your paragraphs, I hope birds eat your liver.
  2. Fall baseball and soccer start for Danny this weekend, and I’m assistant coaching both, and I can’t wait. I don’t actually know squadoosh about soccer, but I think my role as assistant here involves tracking player time for AYSO fair play rules and being High Energy Dad. Can do x2. Let’s get out there and sportsball.
  3. I’ll be in Joshua Tree in 13 days. I am about 20% prepared for this trip. Gotta get humping. Was planning to hit REI this weekend but Citibank detected fraud on our main credit card and shut it down, and if I use the backup, I won’t get the miles. (How many first world problems can we cram into one entry?)
  4. I’ll be running a half marathon in Milwaukee in 70 days. I am about 1% prepared for that trip. Morning training now is all in the dark, which I hate, and evening training impinges on my beer drinking time, which I hate. And these fuckers at work won’t let me go during the day. What is that bullshit, anyway?
  5. This might require more room, or not, but I’m quite convinced we’re witnessing the beginning of humanity’s final act. One way or the other, we’ll render this planet uninhabitable soon, long before we’ve figured out how to leave it, thus ending the story. Bizarrely, coming to terms with this makes it easier to live in the moment and appreciate what/who is around you. It makes for a poor motivator to conserve resources, though, which of course builds a feedback loop toward ensuring the inevitability of the initial assumption.

What that fuck, what the ACTUAL FUCK?

OK, to be honest with you this last chapter did it’s best to fix the mess that has been happening in bleach in these last couple of chapters.

AZIEN was one of the best characters in Bleach, his development in the Arrancar, Huecco Mundo and Fake Karakura Town were so good I can’t even explain it…

I was hoping more from this, I was HOPING that they would free him from that dumb chair earlier and that he would show what he TRULY was fighting for…
But now he is fucking put in the same chair that he was released FROM, how did he even ALLOW that!?

I am pissed at this, I am really pissed…
We were supposed to see his BANKAI, his true MOTIVES, the reason why he hated the Soul King…
Ou and BTW who is the Soul King now, what was he even, what purpose did he even have?

They ruined Aizen’s character, he had so much potential… I am not okay with this!
There are so many unanswered questions and so many plot holes that they should, honestly, consider bringing back the anime to fill in some of the holes or rewriting the last chapters of the manga….

6. — Time was over. A loud, snapping noise was heard - the one of a book as the Espada closed it and brought it back to the shelves. Enough of that for now; he had been standing right behind him, shutting it and taking it out of his grip without even asking, - didn’t seem angered about it anyway but just recently had worsened the Sexta’s mood or was it just mere worry about the other or what was slowly coming closer to them. Every War ends at some point, the same goes for this one and they could not live here forever, without any real problems. Not a fan of doing this, but stepping back he got a hold of the man’s hand, tugging him out of the chair to make it stand and follow him, no complications came - no wonder, the direction should tell him they were going, though once in there he brought him into the another room. Hot as always in the bathroom; giving the Espada enough reason to start to undress the other male. He didn’t know either anymore, never he had thought he would desire someone else’s presence this much, this wasn’t normal anymore and he really could not find any kind of explanation for this, for this huge desire for this one man who turned his life into heaven and hell, before it was just hell, but one he could easily manage, this here was really an adventure now and like every adventure, had also this one an end, like the war, like - literally - everything in this godforsaken world, universe. Even the stars didn’t exist forever and yes, even though his reading skills were still not the best, he had bothered to read some astronomy books - once he had found them and apparently, they could still even see the light of a star, which already died. Perhaps was Aizen the same, already a dead star but as blind we all were, so far away from him in the end, as no one could understand this being, we still see the light, despite that it was gone since a long time ago. How poetic, Aizen might be proud of him but he rather not tell any of his thoughts, well not all - aloud for him. How much of an idiot and a mere object was he in his eyes? His Sexta Espada, oh yes he had loved those words, could not hear them often enough but he knew better, always reminding himself, that they meant nothing in the end, being the Sexta Espada meant nothing, Aizen showed him this perfectly as he got easily replaced through someone else, everyone could get this title if they were strong enough or he died.

Du scheinst dunkler als die Nacht                                  Und schauerlich
Du bist älter als das Licht                                               Versteckst du dich
Du bist unsichtbar gemacht                                            Seit ewiglich
Hast keine Hülle, kein Gesicht                                       Schwarze Sonne.

How long had he stared at the other’s chest, well not really as his mind had been lost in thought, how often was this happening and better not think too much about it and just do and so he did as he slid the other’s white robe off his shoulders, before removing the rest of the other’s attire. A body made out of gold, his eyes drawn to it as he could not look back for a moment, until he started to undress himself, making sure to get rid of it quickly, before the other could already step into the water. Still not done. Pushing the boots off, he pretty much stumbled towards the other, the gaze and head lowered, yet lips firmly pressed against Aizen’s chest. Feeling the soft thumping of his heart; for an already dead star, pretty alive but oh, hadn’t he too a heart in his chest, despite that he should have lost it as Hollow? What did he lose really? He didn’t know, only knew he had no more memories about his past life but that didn’t really hurt, didn’t really need this information - because he knew or was sure about it, that it was something else what he needed and he had this feeling that the key was exactly this guy, the one he still and probably will never understand, though - funny might it be - he wished he could, though why? An enigma certainly was something interesting and once he knew all, it will be boring and no more a sweet secret, perhaps it was better so but was it better for the other? What would bring him even a person who understands him? It would not change his goals, it would not stop him from falling, doomed to end at some point - even an immortal has to fear death, because they were not invulnerable and as everyone should know now, nothing lasts forever - no one is safe from death in the end, not in any dimension. Shinigami were Death Gods, they were dead but certainly no gods at all. What an unfitting word in the end. Instead of becoming god, someone should try to become Death itself - if someone could become god, why not death? Someone far more powerful, someone not even gods could kill.

Du dringst ein, betäubst den Geist                                 Und innerlich
Du erleuchtest mein Gemüt                                           Erhitzt du mich
Du verführst und du entweihst                                       Seit ewiglich
Du bist kalt und längst verglüht                                     Schwarze Sonne.

Pressed close against the warm, much warmer form, arms gently resting around his waist, while he simply would stand there with him, a few touches returned, the Shinigami perhaps confused for once, because it was not everyday that Grimmjow took so long. A hand going through his hair, eyes closing because of the gentle touch he received, always feeling like he was reduced to a dog but he knew, such thing was normal between - between what? Lovers? Like hell they were that but what were they then? He wished to name it but he could not or simply could not accept the truth. How nice sounded lies then, beautiful. Leaning up, he would kiss his neck, always kissing him there or on the lips or anything beneath it, not once he had touched the cheek or the forehead, finding these kisses degrading and childish. If a kiss on the face, then only upon the lips, a real kiss then and all underneath were pure worship and with that he had no problems, worshiping him or that body, the mind - everything despite how imperfect this star was, how cold it might be already, he still feels the warmth as fake it might be, he loved him nonetheless but wished so much, to look behind that facade, the mask the other wore throughout his life. More Hollow than him, but could he truly feel the emptiness which he felt everyday, every - each second of his existence? Though sometimes, in these little, beautiful moments, he felt none of it and only Aizen could do this to him. Feeling complete was a wonderful, breathtaking feeling for a Hollow like him, lead by the endless hunger for more souls ( only to feel whole ) and the desire to get stronger, though that was something, what would last forever. “You wanna be god, why not become something above it,” he whispered into those ears, smirking a little as it sounded like a mere taunt, teasing the male, whose hands had found his rear again, he let him - for now.

Du erscheinst in meinem Traum                                         Und eigentlich
Du liebkost mein schwarzes Herz                                       Erschreckst du mich
Spendest Licht dem Lebensbaum                                      Auf ewiglich
Du befreist mich von dem Schmerz                                   Schwarze Sonne.   


Grinning, he finally tugged the other into the water, took a while - didn’t it? But he had enjoyed it, standing there - completely bare for the other and he for him, the bodies pressed against each other, the presence so strong - a beautiful dream? No, it was reality, everything of this as sad it might be in the end, never dreaming of him or anything, not remembering or simply someone who has no dreams, Grimmjow could not tell but nightmares were a foreign concept for him, especially when he had the pleasure to lay right beside the star, as dead it might be there was still warmth, though how much was true? What was even left from him, how much of the idea of becoming a god was eating him alive? Could he really change anything to the better, and if it was mostly Soul Society, - it makes only sense as he was born in this world and hadn’t been happy with it for whatever reason. The answer laid there somewhere, somewhere in the past, thus unreachable for the Espada and deeply buried in the Shinigami’s mind. How nice it felt, to feel the water around his form again, though once it hit his stomach and hollow hole, he always shuddered, his grip tightening for a moment upon those delicate fingers, still holding those until he let go of them, fully inside the bath now and leaving to the other male where to go, though he left him alone for a few seconds, relaxing a bit at first before he would search for the other and crouch slightly down to kiss the abdomen underwater, while hands traveled over the muscled form and caressed the flesh and skin, touching the sun itself before leaning back, finally breathing deeply out before in again as he stared at the magnificent form. “The sun becomes black beside you,” Grimmjow whispered, not even registering that he had spoken those words aloud but once he noticed, he did not mind and just swam close, back to him and gave him a deep kiss, the arms tightly around his waist. If only, it could be forever like this.

Du fliegst schneller als das Licht                                      Doch ohne dich
Du bist überall zugleich                                                    Gibt es mich nicht
Du bist Vater, Mutter nicht                                                Auf ewiglich
Und auch nicht das Himmelreich                                     Schwarze Sonne.


This went for a while, nothing new or special, just closer than any time before, though once again was a certain thing denied and the other could accept it very well, it would take time but how much was left, even if it would never happen, a kiss would be always enough for the Espada, though he hoped more than that and that wasn’t just sexual - could there not exist something else than love for this, for what he wanted with him? Was he not just using him in the end, trying to fill this hole in stomach because in truth, he could not bear this pain? This emptiness which made him almost insane. Leaning against him, panting heavily from the session, both their hair was damp, the hair strands falling over their eyes and by god, Aizen could even look better like this - amused sometimes - by the mere thought that he found a man attractive but it was fine by this one, everyone finds the stars beautiful or the sun - the one star which was so close to their planet though they were nothing in the presence of this man, because more he did not need, living perfectly fine in the darkness for years - though there was the moonlight, illuminated from the sun - meaning, the sun was there - somewhere in their dark, dead world too. They just had to keep searching, though for him ended the search as he had found what he wanted but sadly, this sun was dead but oh, stars could be reborn, it just took time and they had enough of it, once the War was finally over - everything would change and like every being, he hoped for the better, especially for him and himself - like hell he wanted to be left out. But as of now, seemed all fine, even if the world would fall apart now, he was at the right place with the right person.

Schwarze Sonne …

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hey, right now i'm in a weird and stressful spot and i keep going from being nb to being a guy (i'm afab) and it's not like... a smooth flip, it kinda feels like i'm glitching, like i'm a glitchy computer program or something. it's kind of erratic and also kind of frightens me. i don't know what this is, i am going to a therapist to talk about this, but am i alone "glitching" like this or do other people feel this way too? (i hope that made sense)

There is actually a type of genderfluidity called genderglitch that sounds to be pretty fitting to what you’re describing:

“genderglitch is similar to genderfluidity, however while genderfluidity is normally described as your genders changing smoothly, genderglitch is more sudden and confusing.”

(source)

So no, you are definitely not alone.

Okay so I’ve gotten six messages in the last few weeks from who I am assuming is the same anon with this really condescending “you white gays” theme and all of them seem to assume that a) I’m gay (I’m bi), b) I refuse to date people who are any race other than white (no), c) I’m an atheist (used to be, but now I go to church pretty much every week), and d) I’m white (this one is correct).

And I recognize that I come from a position of privilege and will do shitty problematic things without meaning to, and I hope that people will not be afraid to call me out on those things so I can learn from my mistakes and become a better person.

But like if you’re going to repeatedly message me do some quick research and make sure I actually am what you’re saying I am.

anonymous asked:

So i'm the person that sent you the incoherent ask yesterday asking if Sirius is Theo's father and I wanted to assure you that there's no disappointwent whatsoever! I was a bit with the ending until I thought about it and... your characterization of Dumbledore was spot-on. He would do something like that.. you wrote the entire story so brilliantly and I loved it AND love you! Any other slow burn Dramiones to recommend that make me cry like yours did?

Oh good, I am so relieved! I was hoping to hear from you again.

You know, I think there is a tendency from reviewers to walk away from that chapter very upset at Dumbledore, but I actually think it fits spectacularly with his personality in canon and I’m glad you agree. There’s a sense of vanity there, that he knows what’s best; a bit of Machiavellian ends-justify-the-means that is well established in canon. I’m glad you agree.

I am writing an extreme slow burn dystopian AU called Nightmares and Nocturnes but I can’t think of other slow burn Dramiones at the moment. (@drsallysparrow is the queen of emotional slow burns, but she writes other pairings) However, I will open the floor. 

Does anyone have any suggestions? Otherwise, I recommend checking out the tags in @dramioneasks, they have quite a supply of fics, and I always recommend @shayalonnie and @turbulenthandholding‘s rec lists, because they arrange theirs so beautifully.

  • ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????? DID THEY ACTUALLY SUSPEND HOPE FOR A STUPID JOKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I WANNA PUNCH SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO SPEAK HER MIND AND EVERYONE IS BEING FUCKING ASSHOLES I AM SO MAD I WANNA SCREAM SHE IS THE BEST GOALKEEPER IN THE WORLD AND YOU DO NOT GET TO SUSPEND HER
  • YOU KNOW WHO SHOULD BE GETTING SHIT?!!?!!! THE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO DESTROYED A BATHROOM IN BRAZIL, THE ASSHOLES WHO LIED ABOUT HAVING BEEN ROBBED
  • I AM SO MAD AND NO ONE WILL STOP ME FROM DEFENDING MY GIRL

anonymous asked:

Please tell me how you study. I'm not an AP student, but I feel like I still try to study as hard as AP students do. I am 21 and have yet to learn a study method that actually helps me retain the information I need for tests and quizzes. Please tell me how you discovered your best method, how you keep on top of it, and what gives you your motivation to not only work hard but actually achieve AP level. Anything would be appreciated!

Hi! I applaud your effort and urge to find a study method that works for you. I hope some of this advice helps!

The best way to find a study method that works for you is to first identify what type of learner you are. I am a visual learner - I learn best by seeing. Other people may learn best from doing, listening, discussing, or talking. Try to think about how you have best remembered information in the classroom setting. Do you benefit from lecture? Diagrams? Activities or discussions? 

Once you have identified the way you learn best, create some study activities for yourself. You can look up study methods online for each type of learner, or you can ask me and I’m sure we can come up with creative ways for you to study. 

I discovered my method through figuring out that I am an inherently visual learner. Because of this, I like to reorganize my notes into diagrams, charts, or mind maps. I like to watch videos on a subject, or to look at images associated with the topic. I keep on top of this method through careful scheduling, motivation from the studyblr community, and through truly taking pride in doing my best work. Even I have lots of days where I struggle to be productive. I try my best to remind myself that giving all the effort I can, when I am able, is all I can do. I try not to stress about doing better when I believe I have worked my hardest (easier said than done!) Try to find a balance between pushing yourself to do your best, and not beating yourself up when you’ve done what you can.

You seem to be working really hard, and I applaud you for that. Don’t give up, I am sure you will get to where you want to be. Best of luck!

anonymous asked:

Christine~ I want to thank you for posting "So Your Child Wants to Become an Actor". My mom has the same belief as the parents you described. I will actually link her to this ASAP. I am currently a senior in high school, and starting to apply for colleges. I am constantly afraid of what my mom would say if I started studying theatre. I've always wanted to live/study in New York, a state across the country from myself. Your post has given me the hope and convincing points that I need. Thank you.

I’m so glad it resonated with you! Thanks for the message!!

3,000 Followers!

Hey I know I have been inactive these past few months but since I’ve returned I have gotten a lot of new comers. I want to say thank you to all of you who have either followed and supported my blog from it’s earlier days or who are more recent!
I actually never thought this blog would hit this high! I am super honored. It was just a little side blog I had started to keep my posts of my gay lil gem babies. 

I hope you guys have really enjoyed the content, I try to support fellow artists on this website with some of my posts, and just to share with you some really good artwork / SU Screencaps.

Again, thank you, I am shocked I got this many followers. You guys are honestly what keeps this blog alive. 

anonymous asked:

YOU!!!!!!! WRITEEEE!!!!!!!! BEAUTIFULLY!!!!!!!!!!! OHMYGOOOD WHAT. I am just so addicted with ur koe no katachi au i think i cam learn a lot from the way you write. ANYWAY,,,,, those two fic u r working on r glorius god bless your beautiful soul for bringing joy to this cold tattered heart. Pls write more if it is okay i am just so in love with ur fic u have no idea man. Whispers* u have no idea 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Oh! Thank you so much ;-; I just read a lot of books + I looovvee English words, so I’m always trying to absorb as much vocabulary as possible tbh. 

I’m hoping to finish the 2 fics! Actually if I could I would re-write Sugar Stardust (longer chapters, more detailed scenarios) but it’s kind of too late for that haha. I’m definitely going to keep on writing! It’s a hobby for me so I can’t spend too much time on it, but I hope you’ll stick around for my new chapters and new fics! ♥ ♥ ♥ This message is so lovely, anon, thanks again! 

Originally posted by shelgon

No Need to Sparkle

Ordinarily, I can very easily separate the way I feel about myself, from who and what I actually am. But right now, I just genuinely am not a fan of myself. 

I’m tired and grouchy, my hair is always somewhat dirty and the bags under my eyes have have gotten so large, they have their own carry-ons. There are days I feel like raw nerve endings and so delicate, I could unravel right before my own eyes. And other days, I am cold and unforgiving and protected by my indifference, strong in my self-imposed isolation. Both of these aspects of myself constantly warring for dominance. 

I’m not sleeping enough. I’m sleeping too much. I’m not eating enough, but I’m eating too much of the wrong things. So much of the time, I feel as though I’m free-falling into… who knows? I’m just going and going and hope the ground doesn’t hurt too much when I finally smack into it. 

I’ve always struggled with my body and the way I look and the way others perceive me, but it’s been such an uphill battle lately. 

It’s such a rare occurrence that I find myself pretty. I am okay? I’m not the worst, but good god, am I far from seeing myself as anything more than sadly average- and that’s on a good day. 

Lately I’ve struggled with finding myself desirable (which I feel is a different beast entirely, than feeling pretty) and being desired. I don’t feel desirable and I don’t feel desired, and that’s something new for me? Not just in my relationship, but generally. As a teen and as an adult, I’m not sure if there’s ever been a time where I haven’t felt desirable or been desired- even if someone wanted me with specific intentions, I still knew I was wanted. It feels like that’s shifted for me somehow. 

I’ve never wanted to be pretty? I’ve always wanted to be interesting, quirky, unique- and desirable. Settling for pretty has never been my goal. 

When I was in my late teens, early twenties, I dated someone who only ever said to me: “You’re pretty, hun,” and it was the most insulting thing he could say to me. It wasn’t that in the three years we were together, he only ever told me he loved me when he feared losing me, or adding insult to injury when he confessed to me in my mid-twenties that he had taken me and my love for granted- that I was the one who had gotten away and he loved me more than he could have ever realized. No, the cruelest thing he ever did, was call me pretty, when I felt like I was extraordinary. 

But I don’t feel extraordinary. 

I don’t feel desirable. 

I would settle for pretty or good, or some other mundane description of what I should be at the very least of things. 

But I don’t even feel pretty. 


@the-optimistic-flower-number-17 asked me what songs are good for someone who wants to get into twenty one pilots, and i figured one song from each album would be good. i feel like these songs represent the vibe of their respective albums pretty well, but y’all other folk feel free to add suggestions and your own opinions/comments!

self titled (aka ‘twenty one pilots’) - johnny boy 

regional at best (the only album not on spotify) - glowing eyes

vessel - guns for hands OR ode to sleep

blurryface (blurryface is a very mixed bag) - not today

(if you’re interested in tyler joseph’s solo album, “no phun intended,” which he made before forming twenty one pilots as a band, i recommend blasphemy!)

(if you’re interested in the messages the band is trying to send, or even if you’re not, the vessel album commentary is beautiful, and interesting if nothing else! it is also on spotify)

bilingualundpetty  asked:

24&25 💓

Do you keep a bullet journal? What was the last entry in it?

Kinda? My last entry was from the last week of school last year. I found really no need for one during the summer but hope to at least kind of start it back up here in a week or so. I’m also using a planner now

What is your favorite subject?

This is a really hard question……… I really like history in general, I find it fascinating. I actually am declaring an art history minor!! But I am also really good at math so that makes me enjoy it.

Xyph’s Log: August 12th

After a significant amount of repairs to the ship, I’m finally able to attempt sending out these logs again. My actual ship is completely grounded now. The more interesting part is, I don’t know where I am. Strange horizons lay ahead. 

I’ve crashed in an area that seems to host some other technology laying about. I am hoping I can piece some things together and get the ship up and running. 

I’ll do what I can from here on in. I hope these messages make it through. 

Where am I?