I hope it actually is from I am what I am

Soulmate AU Story Ideas

Because I am complete trash for Soulmate AUs, I decided to try and make a post about them. Hope you guys like it! ♥

✖ Soulmate AUs involving measurement

[ Time // Countdown ]

  • Where for whatever reason, your clock is stuck/frozen/it’s not counting down anymore but it hasn’t reached 00:00:00:00 yet and you’re freaking out because this hasn’t happened to anyone before.
  • Reverse one where the clock starts at 00:00:00:00 from the moment you’re born and stops counting the moment you meet your soulmate, so it’s like a reminder that “It took me 19 years, 11 months, 20 hours, and 13 seconds to meet you, you fuck, and you do it by spilling coffee on me, thanks, now my laptop’s broken—what, you’re buying me a new one? Okay.”
  • Your soulmate clock is actually a countdown of how long your soulmate has left to live and holy shit you have to find your soulmate soon because your clock says you have three months left (for angst maybe).
  • Alternate version of above where your clock is a countdown of how long you and your soulmate have left to find each other or else you both will die because the universe is sadistic af—and if you find your soulmate you get to live longer.
  • Another alternate version of above where you and your soulmate’s clocks have each other’s life spans on it but you can give your time to your soulmate if you want to so they can live longer. Again, because the universe is sadistic af.
  • The soulmate clock is actually something breakable and you accidentally break yours or vice versa.
  • Alternate version of above where someone purposely breaks their soulmate clock so they can be with someone they fell in love with that isn’t their soulmate/they are strongly opposed to the whole soulmate idea and want to defy the system.
  • Your clock is counting down too fast (as opposed to everyone else’s) and you have no idea what’s going on anymore.
  • It’s been a busy week and after finally having some time to yourself, you just happened to look at your soulmate clock and see that it’s already at 00:00:00:00 and you don’t know when that happened because you don’t religiously check your clock either.
  • Your soulmate clock is actually telling you what time it is where your soulmate is currently at (could include AM/PM/time zones or not, for example 3:46:31 MDT).
  • I already wrote something similar to this but a countdown au where your soulmate has died and you two still happen to meet each other (one is a ghost, one is alive) and the other finds peace after the meeting.

[ Distance ]

  • Where you actually have a compass instead of a clock, and it leads you to where your soulmate should be.

✖ Soulmate AUs involving colors

[ Eyes ]

  • Reverse colors AU where you can see in color but once you meet/marry your soulmate your world turns black and white, this is how people can tell that married couples really love each other because they’re willing to give up a world of colors for their soulmate. If your soulmate dies you get to see color again.
  • Between you and your soulmate, only one of you can see other colors and the other sees black and white. Like you can see all the other colors except black/white/grays, and the other one can only see in black/white/grays. If you two meet, you’ll get to see all the colors.
  • You can see colors but realize that recently, with each passing day, your world of colors is becoming a little duller and you’re panicking because you don’t know what’s going on, or what it means, or if your soulmate is okay.
  • You can see colors and your world turns black and white but it doesn’t necessarily have to mean your soulmate is dead. There can be other factors that will result in a black and white world like losing eyesight, but you don’t know that.
  • You will be able to see the world in full color once you meet your soulmate but until then, you can only see the world in the eye color of your soulmate. However, you can alter the color your soulmate can see, for example, by wearing contact lenses. Like if you wear blue contact lenses, your soulmate sees the world in blue, purple makes them see the world in purple and etc. And you realize each day/week you get to see the world in a different color because your soulmate is being all cute and would want you to see every color there is and they probably have a huge collection of contact lenses by the time you both meet.
  • Everyone is born color blind and their sights are fixed once they meet their soulmate, or your soulmate is blind and you have the choice to give them your sight, but it’s irreversible and if they die, they take your sight with them.

[ Hair ]

  • If you dye your hair, your soulmate’s hair color changes as well and you swear the moment you see your soulmate you will choke them because you just woke up with your hair colored like a rainbow and it’s your first job interview at a prestigious company what the fuck. Oh, and your best friend just took a picture to post online and wait—what, how many likes is that?
  • Like the above AU but you only get highlights for the dyed color of your soulmate’s hair. If your hair color returns to normal, it means your soulmate has returned to their natural hair color too.
  • Related to the first two AUs—you decide to get revenge on your soulmate by dying your hair the most absurd color combination you can think of and the exchange goes back and forth until you meet each other. It can be that if you meet, you two can dye your hair without affecting the other anymore.
  • If your soulmate dyes their hair your fingernails turn into that color (like nail polish?) and you’re hoping your soulmate isn’t bald by the time you meet because it’s the fifth time the past two months that your nails have changed colors.
  • If your soulmate dyes their hair, your eyes turn into that color and you wish your soulmate wouldn’t change it again because you really like this shade in your eyes.

✖ Soulmate AUs involving any kind of body mark

[ Tattoos ]

  • You and your soulmate have identical tattoos on your wrist about the date when you’ll meet each other. Place and time can be included (as opposed to the countdown AUs).
  • Like the countdown AU, an alternate version where it’s your soulmate’s date of death that’s tattooed on your skin.
  • Where a tattoo isn’t set from the moment you’re born and whatever tattoos your soulmate gets, you get it too and it’s all cool because you kind of like the designs, except you also feel the pain of getting a tattoo and that sucks because you’re kind of in the middle of an exam right now and it’s getting harder to concentrate on your work.
  • You remove your tattoo because you hate the idea of someone dictating who you can be with for the rest of your life and the person who’s removing it happens to be your soulmate and they’re torn between letting you know and just not bringing it up because you kind of went there because you didn’t want a soulmate and vice versa.
  • Your tattoo is only half complete and it completes itself the moment you find your soulmate, like if you had half a heart, you’d get a full heart on your skin.
  • You’re not sure if the other half of your tattoo should end with this person’s words, or that one’s—wait, I think it might end with the phrase of that other person too. It’s just a very open-ended sentence…
  • You don’t have a name tattoo on your wrist, meaning you probably don’t have a soulmate but you didn’t want your friends to tease you about it so you had a tattoo made on your wrist about some name you picked at random because your friend said she wanted to see it soon. And then somehow there’s a person claiming to be your soulmate and they’re kind of cute and sweet so you don’t know what to do.
  • Because the universe is sadistic af, it only gave you the first letter of your soulmate’s name.
  • Your tattoo is like a mood ring, it changes its color depending on what your soulmate is feeling at the moment and you’re not sure exactly what rainbow means.

[ Scars ]

  • The only way for your scars to disappear is when your soulmate kisses them goodbye.

[ Others ]

  • Whatever mark you get on your skin your soulmate gets it too so one day, you just kind of just get a sharpie and start writing on your skin. You definitely didn’t expect to get a reply, but you did. Now it’s five in the morning and you’re just about covered in ink and this will be a pain to wash off later.
  • Imagine the above point but like, your soulmate maybe falls off a bike and you write on your arm what happened, and your soulmate replies to reassure you everything’s okay. Yes, you always carry a non-permanent marker to write on your skin at all times.
  • You accidentally fell down the stairs and broke a leg, oh, and fate must love you because it seems your soulmate also broke the other leg (or something else) and whatever happens to the other, you feel it too (no actual injury but you feel the same amount of pain) so now you’re in the hospital and you happen to meet your soulmate in the waiting area.
  • Wait, imagine the above point but way into the future and you’re about to give birth and your soulmate must be cursing you and rolling on the floor by the operating table or the waiting area screaming murder and punching walls while crying. Also periods, yes periods. Okay, I’ll shut up now.
  • You can choose to take the pain of your soulmate away. Like if they’re sick or even if they just have a paper cut, you can choose to transfer the pain/sickness to yourself instead and they’ll heal. You can only do it once you meet them though, since what happens to them doesn’t happen to you, unless you transfer it to yourself.
  • Like above but what if the pain becomes two times or more worse. Imagine someone afraid of pain, and the other soulmate shouldering everything or maybe you can half the pain your soulmate feels if you can’t handle taking everything on your own.
  • Alternate version of above two points where you can also transfer your pain to your soulmate. Imagine the payback you can do.

✖ Soulmate AUs involving reincarnation

  • There wasn’t a soulmate system in place before, now it’s about a thousand and more years later, and—wait, aren’t you the person that killed me in that back alley?
  • Where you’re reborn with the memories of your soulmate and you can only get your past memories if you meet each other again in this lifetime.
  • You somehow find a diary/journal of your old self and read through the contents of how you met your soulmate centuries ago.
  • Your soulmate was an artist of centuries ago, and currently, you’re an art student at university (or not but you’re taking an arts class). Then one day for a field trip, you go to a far-away museum and you just find yourself staring at what was your reflection, wearing different clothes to fit the timeline but it was definitely a split-image of you, on one of the framed displays.
  • Alternate version of the above where your soulmate still was an artist of centuries ago but you were there too, and you both were able to meet again in this lifetime. You don’t remember anything but you’d be at the museum, looking at the picture that looks like you with curiosity until your soulmate (who remembers everything) comes by and asks you what you think of the painting.
  • You’re sent to an insane asylum because everyone is convinced you’ve lost your hold on reality since you’re the only one that remembers everything from your past life. Also, that new doctor is your soulmate.
  • Your soulmate from the past life is not your soulmate in this life.
  • You become a writer and your series of novels become extremely popular, but what they don’t know is that you’re retelling your previous life where certain circumstances made it so you and your soulmate did not end up together but your soulmate promises to be with you the next lifetime. At a book signing you open the book cover of a fan’s copy to see something written on the front page: “I’m sorry I took so long.”
  • You don’t remember anything from your previous life but your soulmate does—your first meeting under the tree with the broken swing in summer, the way you smiled when you met each other again at the start of the school year, your eyes that were filled with such mirth and depth and beauty, even the way your hands fit together like missing piece of a puzzle—everything, even the gasps for air, the coarse little pleas, the way you stared with a look of betrayal until your bright eyes became nothing but a dull sheet of color at the hands encasing your neck in a vice grip.
  • You keep going to this place, and you always notice another person here too. Neither of you know that this is the place where the both of you had died/first met in the past life.

✖ Soulmate AUs involving dreams

  • Kind of a reincarnation AU where you’re losing the distinction between reality and dreams because when you’re asleep, you actually relive your past life, and you’re not sure if you’d much rather stay in the past or in the present anymore.
  • If you’re on separate time zones, when you sleep, you see the world in the eyes of your soulmate at present time. You see the world through your soulmate’s eyes, what they’re eating, who they’re talking to, the contents of the essay paper they’re trying to finish, but if they look into a mirror/reflective surface/picture, the image is blurred so you don’t really have a clue what they look like.
  • You see your soulmate in the eyes of their friend instead.
  • Imagine that soulmates just have this ability to dream together/meet each other in your dreams regardless of whether or not you two meet in real life. Your dreams could then be like a real-life video game, for example, you two could be in a zombie-apocalypse type of dream and you both would try your best to help each other out. If one gets bitten/dies you wake up and your soulmate is there to tell you everything is alright or tease you how you couldn’t shoot fast enough and then you’d both go back to sleep and maybe start round two.
  • Just like the above point, imagine how you and your soulmate could pretty much be with each other even after you’d both gone to your separate homes/shared bed.
  • Your soulmate is dead and the only way you two can see each other again is in your dreams and everyday your soulmate tries to make sure you know they love you and will always be there for you the moment you close your eyes and retire for the night.

✖ Other Soulmate AUs

  • You and your soulmate can communicate with thoughts and your soulmate happens to be a math major and you really need help with this test right now.
  • On some days, whatever your soulmate thinks of is something you can hear in your mind and your soulmate is currently reading really hardcore smut fics and you’re trying so hard not to mess up this class presentation which shoulders half your mark for the semester.
  • You get to share the same talents as your soulmate and you probably hit the jackpot because it’s the first time you’ve ever touched this instrument but you’re quite the professional at it, what? Shredding? I don’t know what that is but—oh… hey okay, I just did it I think.
  • The Red String of Fate exists, and only some people have the ability to see the strings, and these people can actually cut strings and knot other people’s strings in to alter the soulmate laws. Your best friend’s wedding is tomorrow and they know you can see the string. They ask you to help them defy the laws of the universe and help them be with the person they love even though they know that’s not their soulmate. You know they love each other so much so you help them, even though the person your best friend’s marrying/your best friend is your soulmate.
  • How about like the colors AU except it can be your voice or your hearing instead that comes and goes when your soulmate dies. Imagine how your soulmate’s voice is the first and the last thing you’ll ever hear.


So I decided to just make a post of all the ideas I’ve thought of so far for each theme! I tried to think of things I haven’t read before but I’m pretty sure with tons of people out there, some of these are sure to exist already. I was also planning to write more but maybe next time, my heart hurts already from typing these ;////;)’

I hope you guys like it though and please feel free to add on to this or make these into stories please I’ll love you forever and tag me please I’d love to read them.

++ justfandomwritings is queen of Soulmate AUs, and I’d like to dedicate this to her because she’s amazing and so much more ♥ ^^

hello!! this is for those wonderful people who would want to cosplay I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SCREAMING viktor and yuuri from my day and night au :)

this is what they look like without their cloaks/capes?? 

the only thing viktor’s cloak is blocking is that rope thingy on his shoulder 

the blue clothing with the kimono sleeves is actually something like a dress that reaches the floor and the long sleeved dark blue material is a leotard 

@captainmeggiesparrow yo i got you ;D 


i hope this helped!!

4

💖 Happy (early) Valentine’s(???) !! 💖

Down the Rabbit Hole” Ensemble Stars fangame alpha ver.

The README file is there for a reason, please do read it.

DOWNLOAD: Windows | Mac

This is 100% not in the spirit of Valentine’s day but alas when have I ever done seasonal fanart (all the time, actually…)

But anyway! Just a small tibbid of something I’ve been working on for about 2 weeks now haha I am about to explode help me.

If you don’t know what ensemble stars (enstars) is it’s ok this literally takes nothing from it except the characters and music because I am trash on vacation asffkjhglj ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I hope you’ll enjoy these short chapters!

parallels in the ones who walk away from omelas

after actually reading the story i am here to analyze the parallels we see so far. im gonna assume you guys have seen the summaries because they are EVERYWHERE but basically the story centers around a utopian town called Omelas, who’s perfection relies on a singular miserable child. every citizen of Omelas knows this and must make the choice whether to stay knowing the cost of their happiness, or to leave and face whatever is out there. 

in the description of the summer festival, it says the horses were adorned with “streamers of silver, gold, and green.” the concept photos must be from before they knew the truth, while they were happy at the festival.

in the teaser we see someone running out of a door (that kinda looks like a bus door to me), through the snow, and into the warm light of Omelas. “I incline to think that people from towns up and down the coast have been coming in to Omelas…on very fast little trains and double-decked trams.” i think the snow symbolizes the cold world outside the utopia of Omelas. 

the rest of the similarities all happen in the last paragraph, when the narrator is describing the people who know the truth and choose to leave. 

the first one is jungkook standing outside Omelas at nighttime, and all of them running between the buildings. “Night falls: the traveller must pass down village streets, between the houses with yellow-lit windows” and “…they walk ahead into the darkness”

next is jimin walking through the field, “They keep walking across the farmlands of Omelas.”

and lastly, all of them going out together. this is where the story and the video start to differ. in the story, it emphasizes that every traveller who leaves Omelas leaves alone. “Each alone, they go west or north, towards the mountains.” or “Each one goes alone, youth or girl man or woman.” clearly, this is not the case. 

they are all walking together, determination in their eyes. “But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.”

Unpopular opinion: 2016 was actually an incredible year to me, so many cool things happened!! I’ve become independent, I learned and experienced tons of things, I’ve overcome my problems and finally I achieved what I’ve wanted for so long: I am truly happy with who I am as a person! I learned how to be happy and how to stay happy, I learned what’s important and to what extent. I realised that everything is a choice and there are literally no limits!! I finally see that every minute spent on whining and crying under a blanket is a wasted minute!! There’s literally no point in being stuck in one place, life moves forward and so should I!! Every failure is a test of persistence and determination, the key is to never stop looking for solutions!!

tl;dr Bring it on 2017, I’m ready

Dysphoria Tips

To start this post off, not all of these tips will work for everyone! Everyone’s dysphoria is different and everyone has different things that help! 

Also, I am not a doctor or anything like that! And I am a trans guy, so that’s what this is all coming from, I can try to look up how other genders deal with dysphoria, but I think a lot of these ones will also help other genders


- Showering (I know this doesn’t help everyone)
Okay, so I know it may seem like confronting your physical form may not be the right thing to do, and it might not be, but for me taking a shower/bath really helps because I focus more on the routine and what I’m washing than my actual body
Also! Using products that match your gender might really help!! I use the more “masculine” smelling products for my body and it’s super nice ^^ They also have products that are more “gender neutral” if that’s more your thing

- Do something distracting that you enjoy
For example, I love going on walks, drawing, writing, and gaming and any of things things could be distractions from things that you don’t want to think about! You of course don’t need to pick one of the things I enjoy doing, there are lots of things you could do like sports, blogging, listening to music, hanging out with your pets (they aren’t going to judge you!), etc.

- Find someone who won’t judge you!
I know this might be hard for some of you, but I know that I have at least one person to talk to every time I get upset about this sort of thing! My friends will not misgender me, and they will reassure me that I am a guy and I do pass, and all that good stuff! If someone is hurting you and misgendering you and not respecting you, you can cut them out of your life! You are not obligated to keep these people around because of their feelings
Pets can be used for this too! Your animals will never judge you :3 Hell, they probably don’t even know what gender is :D

- Find things about yourself that you like
This doesn’t have to be about your body, but it can be! If you take the time to think about positive aspects of yourself, you might feel a little better. And if you can think about the positive things about your body, like the color of your eyes or the shade of your skin, or how great your smile is, or how cool your hair was in that one selfie, it might make you feel a little better about how you’re feeling about yourself right now c:
If you don’t want to or can’t think about positive things about your body, try thinking about things you’re good at or things you like about your personality! Like how great of a person you are, how nice you can be, how cool you are, or how dedicated you are! Something like that!

- Treat yourself
I know not everyone can go buy themselves their favorite dinner or anything like that due to money, but you can do simple things like watch your favorite movie! Or just let yourself eat that expensive ice cream you bought last week :3 Curl up in your favorite blanket with that one pillow that’s just right, or put on that makeup/outfit that you love! It’s in the little things

- Try not to think about “passing”
I know this is extremely hard, but “passing” is just a social construct. Nobody “looks like a boy” because boys can look like anyone, and the same goes for other genders as well! This is definitely a hard thing to tell yourself, especially since a lot of people don’t get it, but it might help some of you!

- Find inspiration!
Find someone who you look up to, or who is transitioning/has transitioned. Some people (like me) might feel resentment at them for being further into their transition than them, but other might (and should try to) be filled with hope and positivity by seeing that things get better and that it is possible to change yourself into how you want to (or do) see yourself

- Look back
If you’ve already started your transition, look back to months, or years ago! You will be surprised at how far you’ve come
You might even feel more hopeful about the future after having seen how much you’ve changed since before

- Find people to talk to
Find people who are, or have been, in the same or a similar scenario; they know what it’s like and they may be able to help you! They can share what it was like for them and what helped them

- Just. Stop.
Seriously, if you can, don’t do anything that day. Sometimes, people just need a break or some time alone. So, if you’ve been saving up those hours at work, take the day off if you can! If you know there’s nothing important at school the next day, try to stay home and not put yourself through more stuff
Keep yourself safe and comfortable during your break! Maybe use this time to use one of the other techniques at the same time ^^

- Keep a diary
This might seem silly, but I keep a diary off and on and it really helps me! Sometimes people just need to open up, but not to a person 
I named my diary Tina, so it kind of felt like I was talking to a person, though haha
Also, just getting all of this down on paper (or on the screen) might help

- Wear your favorite outfit!!
Find that outfit that makes you feel like a hundred bucks and wear it! It doesn’t matter if you’re staying in your house or going somewhere, wear that outfit and own it! Take a lot of pictures if you like the way it looks c:

- Selfies
Take selfies when you look hella good and how you want to look, so that when you’re feeling down and dysphoric, you can look back at your selfies and be like “damnnn I look hot”

- Workout
This might seem like a horrible idea, but I’ve heard that it works wonders! Just go get beefy or run into your legs feel like jelly
This might also help you sleep, which might help by getting rid of your thoughts

- Sleep
If you can take a nap, or just crash out, do it! You don’t have anything planned and these thoughts won’t stop? Go to sleep. You won’t be thinking of anything if you’re unconscious

- Avoid negativity
If you know someone is going to bring you down, avoid them
Same goes with places! If you know that a certain place is going to be negative or bring negative thoughts on, it’s probably best to avoid that place

- Drink ice water
I find that the painfully cold liquid can really wipe the mind with it’s shocking temperature

- Meditate
If you’re into meditation, or want to try it, I hear it does wonders to find that inner peace and just forget you have a body or end up thinking more positively about that body

- Watch your favorite show
Focusing on something you love, like a series filled with interested characters who aren’t you and find themselves in lots of situations can really take your mind off of things

- Burn incense or candles
Burn it right next to your bed (carefully tho) and make sure it’s a scent that you love! This way, if you don’t get out of bed, you can still have something to enjoy

- Read
Read a book, or a fanfiction, or anything that will capture your full attention, so that you have something better to focus on

- Modify your body!!
Like piercings, and hair dye, and stuff! Hell, even those temporary tattoos are pretty cool :3 This way, you can feel like you’re doing stuff to your body on your own terms
You can even just draw on yourself with a sharpie or something!

- Clean
Maybe just do some laundry or put things in neat little piles! Any amount of stress taken off will feel super good and also you might find that one outfit you lost months ago! (if you’re anything like me haha)

- Name and pronouns
Write down your name and pronouns on things to make you feel a little better seeing that that’s what you want to be called, and it can just be written down like that!
You could also ask some supportive friends to read them or just call you by them for no reason at the moment haha

-  Take up a new hobby
You could spend the time you spend being dysphoric, doing something you enjoy! Learn a new language, or learn how to do arts and crafts, or buy some gardening supplies!

- Save up money
Just stick some coins from the dryer in a jar and start saving up for your transition! It’ll make you feel like things are going faster than they are

And remember: You are valid! No matter what anyone tells you, or how you feel, you are valid! <3

4

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!💗💕💓💗
Its already your 23th birthday. Time passes so fast, isn’t it? Oh well, where should I even star?
I feel like we dont deserve you, we amrys and I. Everything about you is just too much. You are too kind, too soft, genuine, hardworking, talented, beautiful…Just too good for this world :’-) You are the person I look ap to. Someone who followed his dreams no matter what would other people say or think. Someone who worked his ass out to be where he is now and prove everyone who didn’t believe in him wrong. I am proud. You made me want to become a better person, I am so greatful to you. I actually learned so much about life, love, care and friendship from you. And I am not even kidding! I am still very young and its really important for me to have my idol. I am happy coz my idol is you and none else.
I love everything about you, your personality, rapping, dancing, singing, your voice, you laugh, your smile, those cute little dimples and that cute shape of your mouth when you are in a bad mood…ughh the list could go on and on…
I want you to be happy in life, really happy, healthy, to find someone who will be your other half. I want all your dreams to become true. I honsetly want you to have all happiness from this world coz you truly deserve it.
Thank you once again, for all your hardwork, music, amazing performances, for taking care of other mambers and for always being a mood maker.
You are really our golden hyung❤
We all love you Hoseok! Be happy! Happy birthday! 사랑해~!💗
.
.
.
.
.
Ok..so this turned out to be a long ass message. I am not even sure if people would read this. I just needed to say it and get it out of my chest. I could write so much more but it would never end then lol😂

…I am even more thankful for the times that we’ve gone to get frozen yogurt together and talked about music, for the times we’ve locked eyes during a lyric, for the hugs that put pieces back together in the both of us, and for showing me the way to myself. You took 5 ordinary girls and made their dreams come true-and together. us and you guys, we’ve written an amazing story-of girls from all different cultures, backgrounds, colors, shapes, languages, music tastes, all going for one dream-a dream i will never forget, the memories we’ve made together will last a life time. now i gotta walk the walk.. i have always encouraged you to be fearless, to live your life in the name of love and to do what makes you happy… as scary as it is to take the leap. i am excited and full of joy because i know that no matter what happens, i am following my heart. I hope to see you on my journey.
—  Camila 
The reason ive been less active...trying to get me away from my abuser.

I guess Ill just get right into it. I need help. And as always in this crazy fucked up world the answer: money. Yes im in desperate need of money. I am 22, I am still living with my dad who for a majority of my life has controlled and mentally and physically abused me. If some of you may know, I have been in a relationship for more than a year and we decided we wanted to go off and you know, make a life together. Sounds easy, I mean hey, 22 im an adult i should be able to go off and do what I want…no. My dad HATES me interacting with the outside world. If I try to hang out with friends he tells me im betraying the family and im a “honkey” lover. If I try to pick up more days at work he comes into my job and watches me, making sure im actually at work. He yells at me, even locks me out of the house and says he “didnt know I left”, When I hang with my boyfriend he calls me a slut, he tells me He’s using me for money and sex (just gonna put it out there couples help couples and we have EQUALLY helped each other). Whenever I try and tell my dad my opinion on anything he tells me im just a dumbass woman. Im fat and undesirable and people only hang with me to use me. He gets in my face, threatens to beat me etc etc…Its gotten me to a point where EVERYDAY I am fighting suicidal tendencies…I have attempted suicide over 50 times in 2016. Everytime I thought about doing it I told myself…it can get better, I have to hold on. I confided in many people who have tried helping me, some buying my art and some giving me money. On my birthday my boyfriend and I decided we would live together on April 17th, we have not been able to find anywhere to live but we can do that later, the rent at his house is pretty high, he lives with his mom who curently doesnt have a job so most of the rent would fall on him and I. We decided to move out on this date cause the weather would be clear and he would have some money saved, right after taxes and all and he said April just feels like a time of new beginnings. He felt my dad would come around to the idea…I know he wouldnt and it would be violent, possibly. I havent told him yet. And he doesnt work so sneaking out of the house would be impossible…I guess ill mention the other problem I have. Medicine. I suffer from trigeminal neuralgia. The medicine has been stripping me dry of money seeing as they only give me two weeks worth of it and I do not have health insurance right now, the one i was on told me I was making’too much’ and they could not help me anymore. So I am fucking struggling for money, I had a goal to earn between $4000-8000 before April 17th…and trust me i know thats pushing it! But I am determined. I have an art shop that I will be uploading in a few days and if people want to donate at KururugiArt@yahoo.com Id appreciate it. My co-worker gave me an idea to put my story out there and just see what happened, doesnt hurt to try im sure I fucked up this whole thing im writing this in the bathroom on my lunch break so im rushing….im desperate. I need to FINALLY live my life…If you took the time to read this I appreciate it…and If you would repost this, id appreicate it too. Even if you cant donate or buy my art, just wishing me luck means so much to me!! Thank you for reading loves…

attention tumblr users: are you suffering from
mental illness? has My Chemical Romance drastically improved your mental health just for you to tear it back down? are you sick from a sinus infection? do you feel hopeless and want to have hope again? has the song “Hold On Til May” by Pierce The Veil ever made you weep mascara and eyeliner filled tears? are you a writer? do you sing? does music get you through each and every day? if so, this song is for you!

…anyways, i don’t think anyone remembers who i am anymore, but i used to be shapinguptobeprettycondomz, aka, kate. i did all those covers and wrote those songs and i was in that band new violet that Pete Wentz almost (lmfao this was never going to actually happen we were all idiots) signed. OKAY WELL ANYWAYS BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS. i am writing a song each month for the year of 2017 to create an album of 12 songs. i wrote and recorded January’s already, and i will release it eventually.

i had a bad night. let’s be honest, it’s been a bad 10 years. i have bpd, and as many of u know, it fucking sucks. so, i started writing february’s song. i don’t have hope during winter months, but i long for the spring. i just wanted to share this bit with you.

In this present moment I am so happy in life, in love, in work, & in creative harmony. I used to dream about this day. Nothing in particular is even really happening today… it’s raining and I’m working from home. It’s more just the actualization of a dream-turned-reality, and the gratitude that comes with that. I know everyone has a dream they want to fulfill, and I hope that you write them down and find ways to formulate them into goals. Goals are dreams with deadlines, and no matter what kind of harsh reality or situation you may be facing, you can make it happen. You really can. I know it sounds corny and cliche but I don’t care, because being real/authentic/sincere isn’t the enemy. I am thankful to everyone that sends me nice messages of encouragement & wisdom. It inspires me every day, and I wanted to pay it forward by saying it back to you. Thank you // I love you 💘

From what was going around yesterday..
  • Many (all?) of you ladies have dudes send you porn vids/gifs? ugh…I just can’t fathom such a thought process. Like what in the actual fuck?For the record, I don’t want anyone (ladies included) sending me such things either. I am more than capable of foraging for such on my own when required, as I am sure you all are.
  • I am not gonna shit on anyone’s enjoyment of this day. I get it, but I am not gonna shit on anyone that does not get enjoyment out of this day either. Also, today is mom’s Bday. :)
  • I am hoping to be 100% completely moved in, if not almost all the way there by the end of this weekend. Gotta be the fuck out of the apartment by the 25th. Thank goodness I was able to bribe my oldest nephew with snobby Gastropub food, and craft beer.
  • Feel free to pass on any excess Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts this way.
  • Interpol is having a 15 year anniversary Tour for “Turn On The Bright Lights” unfortunately, it seems to be overseas only. Boooooooo!
  • Only 35 days until Mass Effect: Andromeda is released! I can’t wait to play through it 20+ times.
  • I hope you all have a great remainder of your Tuesday.
Types partying/drunk  [personal experience]

What types are like when drunk/partying based on what my real life friends with that type have said/done

ISTJ - says “he doesn’t really wanna drink tonight” and refuses to come out when invited, but then later texts, completely wasted, about how awesome drinking is and then adds the details of a programming task with a screenshot and three source files that he managed to finish (while absolutely buzzed), which was actually due 5 weeks later from then
ISFJ - *giggles after her first sip of wine* hehehhe I believe I am very wasted haha forgive me if I say something stupid hehheheh… Oh dear, I really shouldn’t have more of this.. I am so drunk hahaha this is so awkward I feel ashamed!! *was actually given alcohol-free wine* *i love you ISFJ you’re the cutest*
INFJ - *looks like a wasted sloth in a corner while everybody else is yelling, dancing and laughing and then grabs your arm after observing you for a while and quietly murmurs with a very creepy voice* I…seeeeee…you..  *tries to point at your nose but hits your cheek with her finger*
INTJ - disappears because he felt the need to go on a walk to stare at the stars and when he’s looked for and you ask “WHERE WERE YOU” or “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE” he begins the sentence with “Did you know…” and becomes the Wikipedia of astrology
ISTP - sits quietly with his bottle of whiskey most of the time and doesn’t say or do much, and mostly leaves early, but when you actually take the time to sit next to him he may as well put his (absolutely fucking well developed) perv side on and go like “Hey, how would you perform blowjob on someone? My girlfriend is a newbie at this and I’m wondering if you have any tips.” with the straightest.face.ever. When you are like “WTFFF” he doesn’t understand what’s wrong and offers you whiskey. Then repeats the question.
ISFP - Very happy and clumsy, for example my mom pushed a vase off the table and when she tried to catch it, her foot got stuck in the laptop wire aaaand off the table went both vase and the laptop and my mum was on the floor along with both items, laughing at her misfortune and completely ignoring everyone and everything else. Total 100% from quiet sweet mom to YOLO when she’s drunk.
INFP - professes undying love/care to you, would never actually even mention it in the first place and it comes unexpected for you. Then decides it’s a great idea to walk off and disappear into crowds, leaving people wonder and worry where the heck he is and then of course forgets his phone in his friend’s purse and then noone can contact him about his whereabouts and everything’s fucked.
INTP - If he actually manages to come out and party instead of being drunk home alone as he usually prefers, he begins philosophical debate with everything that breathes (and always wins). Is usually the one who downs the most drinks but still looks as sober as before. Also super cute because he gets so drunk he dozes off on your lap and you can tell when he has sobered up a little because when he opens his eyes, his whole being freezes completely when he realises he’s on your lap (OH MY GOD HUMAN CONTACT). Bonus points for if you stroke his hair and hear his heart stop. (i fucking love intps)
ESTP - *to a very handsome tourist guy*  "What do you mean you wanna take me to your hotel? Lol thanks I’m flattered but like, I just wanted a drink and you got me one, soooo… sorry but you have served your purpose ok BYEEE" *turns around, grabs your arm and walks off calmly and confidently like nothing happened*
ESFP - all over the place, happy and manages to do a lot of stupid things, for example runs off alone while smashed at a beach party and then noone knows how the fuck she gets the idea to climb on top of the lifeguard tower, then falls off and breaks her pelvis and then has you all worried in the emergency department the whole night and then comes out laughing in a wheelchair and makes pelvis jokes and then spends the whole summer in bed but still has pelvis-themed parties where everyone makes jokes about it at her place.
ENFP - Full of fun, wants to play truth or dare every god damn time and manages to get all the kissing dares somehow so he ends up kissing everybody in the room (and liking it), then probably does it again with 6 new random people the next day. Even though with not many boundaries, still manages to be very caring and in control all the time and will bring glass after glass to make sure you drink plenty of water
ENTP - usually is fine for ages and makes jokes about others who are drunk BUT then just one fateful sip manages to turn her into a ridiculous jellyfish so you have to pretty much carry her around, hold her up on the bus, protect her not only from perverts but also very fatal things like roads for example, then take a taxi with her, tuck her in her bed and promise her she didn’t ruin the night about 23 times and she still won’t believe you before you agree to stay over for the night and watch cartoons with her
ESTJ - is usually quite disciplined when it comes to drinking but if drunk, she gets way more communicative and actually tells you her lifestory (which you are NOT allowed to mention afterwards when the alcohol fades) and flirts with the bartender and dances on tables and then suddenly with a snap of fingers she’s sitting on the nearest couch, looking half asleep and asking if there are any spare beds or sober drivers because she suddenly got tired of that shit
ESFJ - becomes a total full-on energy bunny and finds 8 new friends within a night and gets their contacts and has selfies with all of them. Already gets in awe with them without knowing them and makes 4 years worth of plans with them all included without them knowing. Will still remember them next day. Also a very amazing listener and definitely the shoulder to lean on because she will forget her own drunkness if you need to be taken care of.
ENFJ - (this is based on myself because I don’t know any other ENFJs in real life) *becomes an overly caring mom* YESSSSS OF COURSE I WILL BUY YOU THIS DRINK SWEETHEART hey actually *taps on other friend’s shoulder* would you like one too? *realises everyone has less money than her because they don’t work* No wait I will buy a round of shots for EVERYBODY! YES! GATHER AROUND ME FRIENDS. *next day, checks bank balance* Fuck. Ok next time I will NOT do that! *does it again next time*
ENTJ - centre of attention, becomes everyone’s favourite quickly because of his dark/sarcastic/well-fitted humour brought to everybody by his need to shine, doesn’t really hold back with drinks, is always the last one to leave a place because, for example, he gets so caught up with chatting about quantum theory and why he thinks it’s got flaws with the hosts of the party place who just stare at him with their mouth open, but since that gives him plenty of time to clean he always leaves the place nice and cleaned up after him and everybody else.

LOOK AT THIS. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF

Author’s Note: Here is a scene from my book-thing for NaNo. I hope you like it. I am so proud of it!!!


“What do you actually know about the Cursed other than your corrupt views of them?” gre asked the Saras.

“I know that you are a blight on this world. Your blood must run black from your wickedness. Cursed and an assassin,” Nirav spit on the ground, “the only thing that could make you worse would being a witch.” Oh gods, Gre almost laughed at that. The human didn’t know she was a witch, “You will burn in the deepest pits of Hedas.”

“Jokes on you, I am already burning,” Her ice raged through her veins. She was debating ripping out his throat with icy claws, but she didn’t have the control needed to not kill them all. She did have knives though, she mused.

She heard a low chuckle from Ress. She turned her head to the male, “I suspect we’ll all end up in Hedas,” glaring at Nirav, “no matter the species.”

Enya diffused the tension, asking Nirav, “What exactly about witches do you find so awful?”

Nirav said, “You are a bunch of females who relish in spilling innocent blood.”

Enya sketched a brow, “And yet your sect of Saras kill our witchlings before they reach maturity.”

“To better the world. We do not engage in mindless murder,” looking at gre, she saw the unspoken words, like you do.

That was it. Gre could handle insults towards her. But not to Enya. A burst of wind erupted from her, knocking Nirav to the ground.

——-

Ress knew the witchling wasn’t in control of herself. Nirav was pinned to the ground by a force of wind, of magic. If the witchling was able to do this while having her magic smothered she was either extremely pissed off or extremely powerful. Or both.

Her eyes were clouded glass and were world ending. She stood over the human, her skin was pale, as if frosted over, “Apologize.” Her voice was cold and detached. Merciless.

Nirav looked up at her with hate in his black eyes, “Never. You know that I am right.”

Without taking her eyes off him, the witchling took a long blade out of it’s sheath. The blade was coated in swirls of frost and it was pointed at the Saras throat. A small ancient part of him was thrilled at the scene but he said, “Let him go.”

The witch didn’t look at him. She couldn’t hear him. She was being succumbed by rage and magic. If she didn’t snap out of it she could kill them all and destroy the forest.

—–

Gre felt far away. She was trapped behind a wall of rage and magic. She knew her skin was icing over but she couldn’t free herself. If she didn’t stop she would become ice.

“Apologize,” her voice wasn’t hers.

Nirav’s skin was starting to frost over. His eyes were wide and pleading but he still said, “No.”

—–

No. Enya summond flame to her skin, grafting layers and layers of invisible flame to herself, “Gre. Gre. Come back. Let him go. You are in control.”

But her beloved friend stood over the Saras. Cold and detached. Her eyes glowing in silver frost.

She shook her shoulders, her flame hissing against the contact of Gre’s ice. Gre slowly looked at her, her eyes far away. No. Gre was her responsibility. She was her friend, her family.

Turning to the Saras, “Just apologize!”

“No. I meant what i said. I will not lie.”

Ress had fury in his eyes. But not at Gre. To the Saras, “Apologize to the witch. That is an order.”

He still didn’t do it. Ress lifted his chin, “You will do well to remember what the penalty is for disobeying orders.”

It was death. Enya put her hands on Gre’s face, trying to stop the ice. She needed to come back. If she wouldn’t come back.. Her magic is being suppressed by her gloves.

Turning to Ress, “I can’t save him, but I can save you. Run. I am going to take off her gloves which will have her magic summoned to her all at once. I can withstand it because of my flame. But you need to run.”

He nodded, “how far?”

“At least ten miles.”

He ran, at full speed. His fae blood making him run fast and far, looking at gre, her beloved friend, “Gre. I am going to take off your gloves. Your magic will rush you but I can keep you alive. Do you understand?”

Gre slowly looked at her, her eyes far away, but pleading. The fae was far now. She braced herself, pulling flame to her, burning as bright and as hot as possible. She pulled off Gre’s gloves and quickly pulled the witchling to her, arms wrapped around her. Her magic pushing into Gre’s skin, fighting off the freeze.

A wave of magic was released from her. The force of the wind and ice coated the ground, the Saras, and the trees all at once. It was biting into her skin, “You can do it Gre. Release it. Release your wind and come back to me.”

A force of wind erupted from the girl. Enya held onto Gre like a lifeline. She hoped Ress was far away enough from the blast and was still alive.

———

Ress ran. He ran as hard and as far as his immortal strength let him. He ducked under trees, over fallen logs.

He felt the force of magic before he saw it. He ran faster.

Ice nipped at his back. He ran ten acres. Fifteen acres. Twenty. Thirty. It was thirty acres by the time the force of ice started to slow. Fourty. Fifty. Fifty five. He was sixty acres from Gre and Enya. He hoped the witch was able to withstand such a force.

—-

Her friend collapsed to her knees, but she still held on. She summoned more flame. She cant let her go-

Gre started to sob. Enya almost sobbed with relief. She was back. And she was alive.

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Gre sobbed into Enya’s shoulder.

She rested her head on gre’s, “It is okay. It’s okay.”

And it would be. She didn’t care what happened, who had to die. She would do anything to make sure her friend and family was okay.

You are okay,” she swore into Gre’s hair.

Project Positivity for Bob Morley II

Hey everyone!! Firstly, I would like to apologize for my absence!! I appreciate all the messages people have sent in and am hoping to get back in touch with all you lovely people!! 

I’m actually here with another idea of a gift to present to Bob when I have the pleasure of meeting him at the Unity Day con in January!! I am working on gifts for all the cast, but in light of recent events, I thought it would be nice to give Bob some appreciation and positivity! With that said, ALL i need from you is just one kind compliment  for Bob!! It can be one or two sentences! But nothing super long!

What my friend and I are going to be doing is, we are making different tea blends for Bob (called Bellicious Blends)  and with each tea, we are going to attach a small note to it with a positive comment! It is just a daily dose of positivity for him! and i would LOVE to involve as many people in this as I can!! So feel free to send in any compliments either through my ask, or email!! In addition to the tea, I will also be giving him a mug with the postcard logo on it, and a couple of other things that I will share with you all when completed!!

On another note, I still have some extra postcards and would LOVE to send them out! SO if you would like one,  please just send me your mailing address via my ask or again, my email!! It won’t cost you a thing! If I have any extras, I can definitely bring them with me to the Unity day con!

My email is am.euphoria1001@gmail.com

Much love and hugs!!

Renault’s Books

I made a proper post out of this because it got too long for the ask (I needed to be able to save what I wrote). And I actually re-read both Fire From Heaven and the Persian Boy in order to be able to answer this well. @uponthewaters I hope that this format is more easily accessible/readable and I also hope that I have answered your question in the way that you wanted. 

I will preface this by saying that I always feel a bit bad critiquing Renault. Please remember that I have nothing against Renault. I respect her and I am flattered that she loved my life so much. If what I am about to say sounds cruel or harsh, then just remember that I am only speaking about the content of Renault’s books, not anything about her personally. But I won’t lie and say that I like her books when I do not. Brace yourselves, I wrote a lot (and added a drinking game to spice things up!).

I will start with Fire From HeavenPut simply: In Fire from Heaven I am boring.

Fire From Heaven

Aside from the aforementioned boringness, most of the major issues I had with Fire From Heaven have to do with the portrayal of Hephaistion:

“At the stair-foot Hephaistion was waiting. He happened to be there, as he happened to have a ball handy if Alexander wanted a game, or water if he was thirsty; not by calculation, but in a constant awareness by which no smallest trifle was missed.” (163)

^ Let it be known that Alexander the Great always cites his goddamn sources. Alright, Hephaistion was not only there for me; I was also there for him. He had his own life and his own thoughts and troubles. We comforted each other, he was not just a shoulder for me to cry on. Our friendship was not one-sided. He was not my slave and did not act like my mother or my nurse. In this book it is unclear why I loved Hephaistion, our relationship was merely predicated on the fact that Hephaistion was enamored with me and I appreciated his loyalty and servitude. 

“Hephaistion thought of the coming war without fear, erasing from his mind, or smothering in its depths, even the fear that Alexander would be killed. Only so was life possible at his side. Hephaistion would avoid dying if he could, because he was needed.” (221)

Um only because I needed him? Not because Hephaistion didn’t want to fucking die himself? Come on. Hephaistion had his own thoughts and fears that didn’t always have to do with me. Even I’m not too self-absorbed to recognize that. 

“Hephaistion called to mind the tale of Semele, beloved of Zeus… she had burned to ashes. He [Hephaistion] would need to prepare himself for the touch of fire.” (157)

God, this made me laugh. Well, if Hephaistion wants this ass then he better get some oven mitts. And that lube that heats up is definitely a no-go. I just don’t even know what to think of this. I mean I know I have a hot ass but really… On a more serious note, Hephaistion was the only one who didn’t think of me as divine but still loved me and my imperfections. So no to this quote.

“Hephaistion, who was not very quick at shaping his thoughts into words, usually found that someone else got in before him. He preferred this to making a fool of himself.” (173)

OH FUCK NO. Hephaistion loved to argue and was certainly not shy about voicing his opinions. And Hephaistion was brilliant, Aristotle thought so, too, and corresponded with Hephaistion later on. Hephaistion’s intelligence is the reason why I trusted him with both solo military commands and also administrative/ diplomatic functions. And just common sense: I would never have an idiot who couldn’t even debate as my second-in-command. Hephaistion only made a fool out of himself if he was drunk or if he was fighting with someone over something stupid (and the same goes for me).

Think of Achilles, how his mother dipped him in the Styx. Think how black and terrible, like dying, like being turned to stone. But then he was invulnerable.” (211) 

This really took me out of the story. If Hephaistion had said that to me then I would have laughed at him and told him that Achilles isn’t invulnerable in the Iliad. Achilles bleeds right before he fights the river Skamandros when Asteropaios hits Achilles with a spear, “but the other [spear] grazed Achilles’ strong right arm and dark blood gushed as the spear shot past his [Achilles’] back…” (Iliad 21.166-167 for you modern readers). The Renault version of Hephaistion certainly is dull and unintelligent if he can’t even remember the Iliad. And the Styx story with Thetis and Achilles was not around in our day, either. It was actually first written down hundreds of years after our deaths (95ish CE) by Statius in his Achilleid. So this entire piece of dialogue is anachronistic. I’m the biggest Achilles fanboy of all time, I know my shit.

Some other thoughts:

  • I DO like the part where Kassander gets beaten up by a woman. That was hilarious.
  • Ptolemy was not my half-brother. And I don’t like how the book treats the character of my real sister Kleopatra (who I loved very much in real life). Or my mother. It seems that modern representations of my life are not very kind to the women in my life. Not cool.
  • Dear god, that part with the courtesan. That story was completely false and only made up to slander me, but at least in the ancient story I sent her away. I would never suffer the indignity of my parents hiring a hetaira for me and then actually have sex with her. That’s adding insult to injury! And I had sex with both men and women, my parents weren’t worried about me (although of course I was not as uh “prolific” as good ol’ dad).
  • OLYMPIAS WAS NOT PRESENT AT PHILIP’S ASSASSINATION. She was in Epiros. If you are going to write a book based largely on historical events then please get the details correct.
  • Speaking of details, when my father was assassinated my father’s cloak was white, not purple (see Diodorus 16.93.1). A small nitpick, but still. 
  • That 2004 movie Alexander ripped off a lot of material from this book. I feel bad for Renault about that. Not cool, Oliver Stone.

Renault also gets the timing of the death of Hephaistion and my own death wrong in her historical author’s note:

“Alexander survived his friend by about three months, for two of which he was travelling with the body from Ecbatana to Babylon…” (409-410)

This is incorrect. Hephaistion died in October. I died in June. If you are writing a historical note please get the facts right.

One of my main issues is that Renault tries to describe the historical context/detail so much that she loses sight of the essence of the story. I didn’t really understand what she was trying to say in this book, it just read like a more boring and expanded version of Plutarch. So yes, Fire From Heaven was boring (as was my character in Fire From Heaven). And I’m someone who actually likes the catalogue of ships in the Iliad.

The Persian Boy

Where to start with this one… This is probably the complete wrong reaction to have, but I laughed my way through most of The Persian Boy. At least the prose was more interesting than Fire From Heaven. But the pacing was off, it takes Bagoas more than 100 pages to meet me.

One of the central problems was with the narrator. Bagoas is forcefully inserted into the larger events of my life and it simply makes no sense for him to be there. Some problems I had:

  • Bagoas was supposedly with me the night after the torture of Philotas? Oh god, that is so ludicrous. Common sense: after an assassination attempt a eunuch would never be left alone with me. Hephaistion probably would have murdered him; Hephaistion wasn’t feeling particularly happy then. And we were in a camp with tents, not a building as Renault states (see Arrian, Plutarch, and Curtius for confirmation of that). It’s a small detail, but I wanted to point that out.
  • I did not trust Bagoas. It may seem cruel, but Bagoas was nothing to me. If Bagoas had died then I would not have to be dragged off of his corpse. He was simply someone that I had sex with a few times. Hephaistion was everything to me. He was the sole person that I completely trusted. I also trusted my own generals and friends. I did not trust a random eunuch. And Renault says I cried over Bagoas’ birthday? Birthdays weren’t even really celebrated in my day…
  • AND RENAULT TELLS THE DYSENTERY STORY. WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK DOES EVERYONE LOVE THAT STORY?! Oh yes, it is so funny that Alexander shit himself, that story is absolutely essential to understanding his life. No, no it fucking isn’t. It’s embarrassing. 
  • And dear god, Bagoas was not with me at the Mallian siege. That makes absolutely no sense at all. Even the majority of the army was not there, most of the land forces were stationed with Hephaistion down river (see Arrian 6.13).
  • I liked that Renault showed Hephaistion’s kindness. That was much appreciated. I wish he was in more of the book, but he would most likely be mischaracterized (although at least I could blame the unreliable narrator in this case). 
  • What the hell was the wedding with Roxanne about? She tried to poison Bagoas and then I beat her? WHAT THE FUCK? I can’t believe that Renault would actually write that. I don’t know why she hates all of the women in my life so much. I don’t know why she would think my wife would poison a random eunuch. I don’t know how she could think I would beat my own wife. I mean we were obviously not the pinnacle of feminism, but we weren’t animals. I was angry when noble women were just forced to dance (see Curtius 6.2.6-7 for this one), I don’t know how anyone would think I would harm my own wife. Everything about this is disgusting. I’m fucking appalled.

I found the book mostly amusing and I didn’t get very annoyed (except of course for the wedding/poison episode) until Hephaistion’s death.

He [Alexander] was standing with a dagger in his hand, hacking off his hair. […] So I found the trimming knife, and said, “Let me do it. I’ll do it just as you want.” “No,” he [Alexander] said, hacking away […] But he grew impatient with the back, and let me finish it, so that he could be off. (370)

I would have killed anyone who tried to cut my hair for me when I cut my hair over Hephaistion’s body. And unlike in Renault’s account, I actually cut my hair over the corpse (Arrian 7.14.4 backs me up). I would have stabbed Bagoas or anyone else who tried to help with my own dagger (I was not in a great mental place then). And as if I couldn’t cut my own hair? I’m a warrior, I know how to use a goddamn blade. This also makes it sounds like cutting my hair was something that I thought I had to do so that I “could be off.” No, it was very significant and personal and painful for me in my grief and doesn’t deserve to be treated as something I had to get done quickly. Also, Bagoas was not the one who had the idea that Hephaistion be made a god (Renault 373). Reading that was a test of my very poor anger management skills. 

And on my deathbed I did not say Krateros or kratistos or anything like that. Ugh. I couldn’t even speak at all, I was too sick. And Bagoas was not there when I died.

I made a drinking game to make reading this book more fun:

  • Take a shot whenever Cyrus (aka Kyros) is mentioned! 
  • Take a shot when you can’t tell if Bagoas and I are having sex or not! 
  • Take a shot every time my ~golden~ hair is mentioned! 
  • Take a shot whenever Bagoas is jealous!
  • Chug through the entirety of the dysentery scene (so that no one will remember it happened…)

This game may give you alcohol poisoning if you’re not a Macedonian, be warned.

All in all, I really do appreciate what Renault was trying to do. I am so happy that people read these books and got more interested in my life and in Hephaistion’s life. I am also happy that these books helped people dealing with issues relating to their own sexuality (and I appreciate the fact that Renault was a lesbian writing about same-sex relationships AND that she described me as bisexual in her author’s note- good job Renault!). So I think that the good that Renault’s work has done outweighs my issues with it. 

I hope that this very lengthy response answered your question well.

anonymous asked:

i'm kinda liking that they stopped hypocritically hyping us with malec, it's sunday and it's silence from todd and writer of ep 8 on social media, they are so used to bait us with malec that without it they don't know what to do and how to get attention (which is f- sad for the show which has 7 awesome main characters)

I would normally agree to this, Anon. But as I said, right now I am just…whatever.

I think they really got how much they fucked up. (Explaining things that should be shown in the ep to the fandom on twitter…what the actual fuck??? smh) Of course we all know that “Shadowhunters” is not only Malec. Besides (correct me if I am wrong here) I haven’t read/heard a single complain about the “lack” of Malec this season. Because the storytelling and the way this couple had been written felt real and honest. And it all made sense. The fandom may have complained about the marketing team giving away all the Malec scenes, but other than that, all was good.

But when the showrunner claims an episode “Malec Mania” (he did that, not the marketing people over at Freeform!) and now acts all surprised that the fandom is pissed… like….seriously??? And it’s not even about the lack of Malec in that certain episode but the way their scenes were edited and/or written. Why does nobody of them get what the real and big problem is? Siiiiigh.

Then again, apparently including all 7 main characters into your plot seems to be a huge issue this season. Where is the oh so big and promised plot for Luke? And what is the purpose of Simon this season? All his scenes don’t feel very integrated at all to me! Not to mention some other issues that happened but that don’t make me love the show less.

anonymous asked:

I suffer from depression and anxiety and I just feel so empty all the time and like my life doesn't have any purpose. How do I get rid of this empty feeling? It's just so awful! Sometimes I'm not sure whether what I am genuinely interested in is what God actually wants me to do or just what I want to do or whether I am listening to myself or God? If that makes sense? It makes it so hard to tell what from what when I have all of these feelings of depression, anxiety and emptiness floating around.

Hey there, 

I’m so sorry that you have had to go through such terrible things like depression and anxiety. I myself have struggled with anxiety and still have my moments so i can kinda relate with how you are feeling and that empty feeling you mentioned. While i cannot fix anything, or give you a five step method for definite results, i can share with you some truth and some encouragement that i hope will give you some hope. 

The first thing, God has given each and everyone of His children a purpose. Thats why He places us on earth as we each have a specific role to play in His kingdom business. So you definitely have a purpose, as it states in Jeremiah 29v11 ‘For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope’But I have always found it tough to figure out what God is hinting at as my purpose. I have learnt though that the things you enjoy at and are good at are often your gifting’s that He has given you and often it is in our gifting that we find our purpose. If you can do something that you are good at and use it to tell people about jesus then you’ve got it! But everyones journey is different, and everyones purpose is different. 

You may have heard about Pastor Carl Lentz from Hillsong NYC. I’ve heard him speak a couple of times over at a conference in New Zealand and he opened up about his journey of finding his gifting and purpose. Carl is clearly a speaker, and a good one at that. He is confident, funny and just has a knack. You would think he was born to speak about God with the world. But, truth is.. he grew up with the biggest fear of public speaking. Like he once ran out of a room at bible college and hid in the toilets when he was asked to pray in front of his classmates. He definitely didn’t think speaking was his calling. But God made it so. God gave him the strength to get over his fear and the weight inside of him holding him down and now he is reaching thousands and touching many hearts, including mine, with the word of God. 

The thing Carl did, and what you may have to do in your situation is to lay all your fears, anxieties and depression at the feet of Jesus. Give it to Him to carry so He can free up the space inside you, that empty feeling and fill it with confidence, boldness and a clear direction. You were set apart and He has a plan.

He loves you, He has a plan for you and you are so special to Him. You just have to ask Him to reveal it to you in His timing. Ask and you will receive. 

-31women (Gabi)