I Loved Your Dead Gay Son (Tree Bros) Part One
Plot: a textpost from @legendary-gaurdian-of-fun: “one where Evan and Conner were dating prior to Conner’s suicide, and Evan has to fake their friendship not because he didn’t know Conner but because his parents/town are incredibly homophobic. And Conner and Evan weren’t exactly subtle in their private emails so Conner can’t actually show those ones.”
Warnings: suicide, attempted suicide, homophobia, grief, two too many heathers references, overall just pretty shitty
Evan reread over Connors note again, not being able to, or not wanting to rather, believe that his boyfriend had killed him self. He felt too many indescribable emotions, the biggest one being guilt. He had to have been a terrible boyfriend to not know Connor was suffering, right? No, he tried telling himself otherwise, it couldn’t be that he was a bad boyfriend, Connor just didn’t want to worry him, it said so in the note, along with a ‘don’t feel guilty because I know you know that feeling too’ that Evan hoped Mr and Mrs. Murphy wouldn’t read into too much.
“We had no idea Connor had any friends, not anyone he would be close enough to write his… his note to,” Cynthia choked out, wiping another tear from her eyes. Evan wouldn’t dare to come right out and tell her that we was more than friends, or even best friends, with her son. Connor had spent so many nights crying to Evan about how homophobic his parents were and how if they ever found out about him and Evan he would be kicked to the curb with nowhere to go. Of course, Connor did want to move out and get away from them desperately, but he couldn’t handle that just yet, he needed more time and more money until he could be free.
“Yeah, y-yeah we were pretty, uh, pretty close,” Evan stuttered, realizing now that this was actually the first time he’d ever met his boyfriends parents. He’d never imagine this was how it would go. He wished that it didn’t have to be like this.
“Connor never talked about… about anyone being his friend,” Larry said, his words would sound very skeptical if it weren’t for their sad tone. Evan wanted to scream and cry at them about how they were the reason Connor never told them about him.
“Yeah, well, uh, I, uh, I guess he just-he just didn’t want to admit to being my friend or something,” Evan mentally slapped himself for not being able to stand up for his boyfriend, “I mean, I’m kinda a, kinda a-”
“Nerd,” Zoe piped up for the first time since Evan had been in their house. It was familiar to him, since whenever Larry had work as Zoe had jazz band practice and Cynthia had to go to some exercise class for whatever trend she was trying now, Evan was over with Connor. It was rare when all three of the other Murphy’s weren’t home, but the few times it happened Evan secretly loved being able to come over and just talk to Connor.
“I was gonna say loser, but, uh, yeah that works too.”
“Zoe!” Cynthia scolded.
“But see the weird thing is,” Zoe said, ignoring her mothers scolding, “the only time I ever saw you and my brother together at school was when he shoved you the other day.”
“He shoved you!?”
“I, uh, I tripped,” Evan stuttered out a lie as he tried to think of how to play off what had happened, “I uh, tried to talk to him, uh, tried to talk to him at school, so he, uh, you know.” Of course Evan wasn’t going to tell the truth…
<i> Connor had waited by Evans locker for him, knowing it was going to be his last day on Earth with his boyfriend and wanting to make the most of it, for Evans sake. When Evan turned the corner to see Connor waiting for him, he was shocked to say the least.
“What, uh, what are you doing here?” He asked, looking around nervously to make sure Zoe wasn’t around, noticing a few people were staring but only because they feared Connor and thought that he was going to attack poor Evan.
“I wanted to see my fucking boyfriend,” Connor said matter-of-fairly, but still quietly so that nobody could hear him call Evan his boyfriend except Evan, who blushed a deep red in response.
“But, uh, but what if someone sees or what if, uh, or what if Z-Zoe comes by and uh sees us,” Evan squeaked out as Connor laughed.
“Relax, okay, you’re adorable when you’re all nervous though,” Connor smirked as Evan got redder.
“Well if it isn’t the gayest kids in school,” Jared said as he walked up to the pair, Evans ears tinting red as Connor rolled his eyes. Connor regretted that Jared knew about them and was the only one because the boy didn’t know how to refrain from gay jokes or explicit sex jokes every time he saw the pair together. He glared at Jared with a blank stare.
“Chill, it was just a joke,” Jared responded, seeing Connors expression.
“Oh yeah I know, it was funny, I’m laughing. Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” Connor replied, yelling a little no matter how hard Evan tried to shush him from the corner of his eye.
“You’re such a freak,” Jared replied, looking down the hallway in the direction he came from, “Sister alert, freaks,” he warned before walking away. Connor sighed, remembering that as annoying as Jared was he was good for one thing: warning when Zoe was around. Connor spotted her from the corner of his eye and looked to Evan, mouthing an ‘I’m sorry’ before he shoved Evan, yelling about how he was a freak before tearing down the hallway, people moving quickly out of his way.</i>
“That wasn’t very nice,” Cynthia said, clearly upset at her sons actions even though she couldn’t do anything about them.
“Well Connor wasn’t very nice,” Zoe replied, shaking her head slightly, “so that makes sense.”
“Connor was, he was a complicated person,” Cynthia said, looking for the words to describe Connor. <i> Complicated doesn’t even began to describe it, </i> Evan thought.
“No, Connor was a bad person, there’s a difference!” It hurt Evan to hear Connors sister talk to badly of him, and he wished he could tell them about the real Connor, the sweet Connor that would stay up with him just to talk about anything, or would sneak in his window when his family was being extra annoying.
“Zoe, please,” Larry spoke up, not wanting to hear Zoe’s words either.
“Don’t pretend like it’s not the truth!”
“You can never see the good things in him!”
“What good things mom?” Zoe yelled back at her mother, who walked away from the table and sobbed, “tell me! What good things were in him!?” Evan could see the tears in her eyes and didn’t know if she was sad or angry. He didn’t know how to react to the family fighting in front of him. At this moment he felt like he knew Connor even more, if possible, now that he’s seeing what his home was like everyday.
“There were a lot of good things actually,” Evan surprised himself and the Murphy’s by interrupting the fight.
Zoe looked at him expectantly, “Like what.”
“Well, uh, we used to, uh, we used to go to the, uh,” he felt his hands getting sweaty as he got more nervous, wondering how he could make their dates seem any less, well, gay, “we’d go to the, uh, apple, apple, uh, apple place,” He slapped himself mentally. ’<i> apple place? really Evan!</i>’.
“He took you to the orchard? That placed closed years ago, we used to go their all the time and have picnics, don’t you remember, Zoe?” Cynthia smiled for the first time in what felt like forever.
“Y-yeah, we used to, uh, we used to walk through the old, the old trees. And we’d uh, get ice cream, down at, down at A-La-Mode some-sometimes!” Evan held back tears as he remembered the sight of Connor with whipped cream on his nose, or their first date their when they both were so nervous. Evan never told Connor how cute he thought it was seeing the school badass flustered. My god did he wish he had told him how cute he looked flustered, now that it was too late, “We’d sit in that, sit in that old empty field, with all the, uh, with all the four-four leaf clovers. We’d talk about what we wanted to do when we’d get out of school, you know? Like, uh, like the Appalachian trail or, uh, I don’t know, writing a book or learning to sail, they were all just, uh, just dumb little dreams, but we liked it, I guess. We’d talk about, uh, about,” Evan looked mentally for something to come up with, “Girls! Yeah, like, that we, uh, we wished would notice us.”
’<i> Great job, Evan, really subtle, a perfect way to say IM TOTALLY NOT GAY AND TOTALLY WAS NOT DATING YOUR DEAD GAY SON</i>’
“We would, uh, we’d climb some of the old trees, thats how I, uh, broke my arm. We were climbing one of them and I just, I fell, but he was right there for me, he came to get me, so everything was, uh, was okay,” Evan choked up a bit, nothing that wasn’t the truth.
Evan recalled the day he and Connor were at the orchard. He remembered Connor telling him that there was nowhere else he’d rather be than in Evans arms. Evan smiled sadly and held his arms together, wishing Connor was wrapped between them.
“We didn’t always get to hang out though,” Evan said.
’<i>Because you’d probably kill him if he left to hang out with his boyfriend</i>,’ Evan thought.
“But we’d, uh, we’d email,” Evan said.
’<i>You dumbass they probably checked his email account already</i>,’ Evan thought.
“But on a secret account, so they’re more private,” Evan said.
’<i>I mean, it’s not a lie, but what better way to scream SECRET LOVERS than a secret email account, nice going</i>,’ Evan thought.
“I can, uh, bring you some,” Evan said.
’<i> JUST. STOP. TALKING.</i>’ Evan thought.
“Oh, we’d, we’d love that,” Cynthia smiled, taking Evans hands in hers as he stood up, her wrapping her arms around him tightly, whispering a thank you in his ear.
“A secret email account!? While I don’t doubt that you guys had one, do you know how many dick pics are probably in those emails?” Jared laughed through the phone.
“Okay I panicked, and I, and I didn’t know what to say so I just started talking and then I, and then I didn’t stop. I mean, uh, what was I supposed to do? 'Hey you wanna here about all the dates I went on with your dead gay son?’” Evan spoke fast as he paced his room, cell phone in hand.
“Well that would’ve been more subtle than that. Dude, how are you supposed to show them emails, unless you want to show them your creepy gay sex emails.”
“We didn’t have creepy sex emails! We, uh, we just… I don’t know,” Evans face went red, not that Jared could see, but knowing Evan he knew he was blushing and flustered right now.
“I mean it’s not hard to backdate emails, I do it all the time, I mean, I wasn’t the only member of our IT club for nothing,” Jared laughed, as if he was bragging, but in all honesty Evan didn’t know what there was to brag about in that sentence.
“Wait so you’d, you’d do that for me?”
“Sure, why not? For two grand.”
“Two thousand dollars!?”
“Fine, five hundred.”
“I can give you twenty.”
“Fine, twenty, but you’re a dick,” Jared said before hanging up his phone and grabbing his laptop, putting it in his bag to make his way to Evans house. Evan hung up the phone and was about to pull out his laptop when his mother, Heidi, came in the room.
“Hey,” she said, Evan noticing something was up that she wanted to talk about, “I got an email from your school today, something about a kid that killed himself, a Connor Murphy? Did you know him?” Evan froze at his boyfriends name, still adjusting to the fact that he was dead, not having been given enough time to mourn him.
“Uh, no, no I didn’t know him,” Evan lied. ’<i> was it really a lie? I mean, how could you not know your own boyfriend enough to know he was suffering! </i>’ Evan thought to himself, wondering if this is how Connor would have felt if Evan ever got the chance to tell him about the past summer. Not that he ever would, Connor would hate him if he knew the truth.
“Oh, okay, good. Youu know you can always talk to me right? I’m always here or just a, just a phone call away, right?” Heidi reassured her son as he replied with a nod. Her gaze glanced to his cast, “Okay it says Connor, right there, he, uh, he signed your cast.”
“No, that was a, uh, a different Connor, dont, uh, don’t worry,” Evan lied, holding back tears yet again as he remembered Connors worried face when he climbed in Evans window to see the big cast on his arm…
<i> It was the night before their first day of senior year. Connors parents had him on house arrest for two whole weeks, taking away his phone and laptop. He wasn’t happy about it, of course, and spent most of the time in his room throwing and punching things, threatening his families life, not that he was proud of it. Him and Evan both felt alone when they couldn’t talk to the other, and he had no way of communicating to Evan what happened and that he wasn’t ignoring him. He worried for Evan and knew his mind must be racing and jumping to conclusions. When he finally was given his computer and phone and privileges back, he immediately left to go to Evans. He climbed in through the window as per usual, finding it more fun than going to the door in all honesty. Tapping on the glass he heard a small gasp before the window opened. Jumping in he was met with a slightly red eyed Evan, with a big white cast on his arm. He pulled him into a hug, apologizing and explaining that he was locked up the entire time and asking a million questions about Evans arm.
'I, uh, I fell… out of a tree,“ Evan replied, not wanting to admit to Connor that he was a hopeless wreck without him. Connor would think he was pathetic and would hate him.
“You fell out of a tree?” Connor had his hands on both of Evans shoulders, “Well isn’t that the saddest fucking thing, oh my god,” he laughed it off, so did Evan. Connor wrapped his arms around Evan, feeling better than he had the previous days.
“Hey, so, I actually came over here with somethings. Presents, I guess, as a 'sorry-I-couldn’t-see-you-for-two-weeks’ surprise,” he said, pulling out of the hug reluctantly and rubbing his neck. He sat in Evans bed and took his bag off of his shoulder, setting it next to him on the bed, pulling out about ten books, “I brought some books, I know, fucking lame, but I like them. They’re probably my top ten books of all time,” he said looking down at the books thoughtfully. Evan sat next to him, seeing how he was a little passionate about the books and thinking it adorable. They looked through the selection, including Perks of Being a Wallflower, Of Mice and Men, Amityville Horror, and a few other small, but good books, including many classics, smaller unknown indie books, and a book of Edgar Allen Poe poems.
“Th-thanks, Con, but why are you giving these to me? Not that I don’t want them of course I’m very grateful I just-”
“You’re adorable,” Connor interrupted his rambling, making Evan blush. “I don’t know, they just, they mean a lot to me, and you mean a lot to me, so here you go, I guess.” He blushed nervously, hoping Evan would take them, “If you read them I think you’ll enjoy my commentary in the sides.” Evan smiled and kissed Connor on the cheek, thanking him.
Evan wished he had read into the signs and realized what Connor was planning then.
“Oh, well, okay. I have to go into work now, and I probably won’t be home until late again. Sorry, Evan, there’s money on the counter for food, okay? Bye, love you,” Heidi kissed her sons head as he shook out of his daydream, mumbling a bye as she left the room, Jared entering the room just minutes later.
“Ready to forge some weird ass sex emails!”
I wanna split this up into more parts so expect a part two and probably three next week!! I worked literally all day on this and I’m just not feeling good rn to finish writing it. Idk just not mentally okay rn, summers just hitting me bc I have no life or friends when summers here so 😊. But I’m fine lol enjoy. Happy stuff coming later maybe??