Blah, I lost it on my mom. I didn’t even know it was going to come out of me. I didn’t know I was saying anything until I was a few sentences in. And I was enraged. Generally quiet, but super angry.
She often has poor understanding of what is a strange story to reminisce about. And she was talking and laughing about how my dad used to painfully jab into our arms. It fucking hurt and was a weird power move. In my brain though, I thought she was talking about the time my dad totally lost his shit, grabbed my sister by the arm and yanked her. He left bruises in the shapes of his fingers on her arm. It is not something to reminisce about. It was not an ok thing for him to do. It was physical abuse.
It has only become really clear to me in the last decade that my sister is talked about like she was this terrible kid, and we laugh about how awful she was. And it turns out my sister has almost no memories of her childhood. Which indicates to me a significant level of trauma. I’ve become very protective of her lately, and I just fucking lost it on my mom.
She ended up crying in the bathroom, and after I face-timed with Steve for a bit, I realized she wasn’t talking about the situation I thought she was. And I apologized, explained a bit, apologized some more, let her know I just really want to support my sister right now, and we hugged and she cried some more.
I’m exhausted and just so tired of being the adult.