I can identify as exactly who I am and not genderfluid

tw: child sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, suicide-baiting, transmisogyny 

I never do call-outs ‘cause they take forever, but this has to stop. 

@sleepdontvisit claims they’re on a campaign to root out “inclusionist pedophiles and pedophile apologists.” 

Instead, they almost exclusively target bi trans sexual abuse survivors, frequently flat-out lying about what those survivors have said. 

(In their whole call-out list, there’s only two people who aren’t trans. And the cis people only get called out for supporting “pedophile apologists,” they aren’t calling the cis people pedophiles.)

They consistently link to receipts that don’t support their statements, knowing that people won’t click through and read all that. 

Many of their call-outs have hundreds of notes, and have goaded exclusionists and even some inclusionists into sending anon hate, suicide-baiting, and death threats to inclusionists who are bi trans sexual abuse survivors

It’s not a coincidence that bi and trans people (especially trans women) are the ones that are most frequently stereotyped as sexual predators, in both the gay and straight communities. 

(DID U KNOW: Part of the reason that the acronym wasn’t “LGB” till the early 90s was that radical lesbians said bi men shouldn’t be allowed at Pride because they were rapists.) 

It might be relevant that sleepdontvisit seems to be very biphobic, saying things like, “Why are literally all of the big bisexual bloggers literally the most cringeworthy people I have ever encountered?”

there are two lesbians on their list, out of all the bi people. 

they’re both trans women. 

And now they’ve begun going around harassing trans inclusionist survivors who haven’t heard of their campaign, by implying that they’re “pedophile apologists” too if they haven’t called out these people yet. Or if they say that it’s not okay to call CSA survivors “pedophile apologists.” 

They guilt-trip and threaten anyone who won’t help them in their smear campaign, even discoursers who are calling out individual people already. They are goading exclusionists to harass these people. One of their victims has already deleted, that I know of. 

When one survivor called them out for things like posting content about pedophilia in the ace positivity tag, their response was to go through that person’s blog and list everyone they’d reblogged from who themselves had ever reblogged from one of the people on the list. Which may have been well-intended but comes off as intensely harassing. 

And then they falsely claimed that "ace/aro minors… are being told by adults that it’s ‘normal’ for children to be sexual, so it’s important for them to identify as asexual.”

(That person even said “If you’d like, I can give you a list of exclusionists that none of you are no-platforming (and one of which went hand-in-hand with discourseprincesa and doing just as much harm but is still being defended)” and instead of taking the information, they ignored it, and instead tagged another post to boast that inclusionists ignore callouts but exclusionists call out all their TERFs. I know for sure that one isn’t true, @allosexisterfs​ is mine and it contains a list of about 250 exclusionist TERFs, that sleepdontvisit hasn’t said a word about that I know of. BUT ANYWAY) 

If you care about survivors, please spread the word to no-platform sleepdontvisit, and to stop spreading their lies. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

1 Of 2: I don't think the creator of that post said that men couldn't practice magic, just that they couldn't be witches. I don't know if there are any practices available only to witches, but I'm guessing that a wizard, warlock, druid, or whatever can worship the same deities or cast the same spells as a witch. It's important to some people that the title witch be reserved females because it's a historically female term, and I'm not saying that's right or wrong.

2 Of 2: I know you’ve done research and there are claims of historically male witches but I’m honestly a bit dubious of the numbers you’ve provided, and no matter what way you paint it, women were the majority killed in the Salem Witch Trials, the majority who are prosecuted to this day. Shouldn’t there be some female exclusive magic space? There are a number of gender neutral terms for magic users, or male terms, but witch is already associated with females and the only term that has traction. 

And I’m not trying to be bitchy or condescending I’m just confused and I want to understand both sides of the issue.

I got off my phone and on to a computer to answer this question. Doesn’t seem like you want both side of the issue, honestly - I have given mine, quite clearly, and you seem to have picked yours, also quite clearly.

Witch is a gender neutral term. The term witch isn’t “historically” female - it’s only been a term used to describe magic users as mostly women in modern times (1600s; that’s only 400 years). “Witch” has always been a gender neutral term - only in recent times has it been used more exclusively for women, but that was not ever its only usage. Man, even in Wicca, they call men who practice “witches.” 

Druids are not the same as witches; druidry is closed prior to initiation - people shouldn’t be using that title unless they are a druid or studying to be an actual druid - so that term should not be grouped in with the others.

You know, other people made the gender neutral terms, because shit like this made them scared and uncomfortable to use the term “witch.” They were frightened people would come out of the woodwork and tear them apart because “oh you’re not a woman, you can’t use that word!” Think about that.

There are zero practices available only to witches (if you’re referring to “witches” as still women-exclusive then yeah, definitely no practices closed to anyone due to gender either) - witchcraft is an open practice that anyone can delve into, use as they like, and take away however they want. So, yes, literally anyone can cast spells like a witch, but they can also cast spells as a witch - using that term as their classifier, if they so wish. Because witchcraft is not closed in any aspect to anyone, neither is the label. No one can dictate who can use the term “witch.”

I don’t honestly know why you’re bringing up Salem tbh. Yes, perhaps the majority of the people accused during Salem were female, but that still doesn’t give women the right to place ownership over the term “witch.” It seems like you’re trying to imply something about the fact that women were the ones who “mostly” died for it, so they should have a right to it exclusively? Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what I’m getting, and oh man does that not feel right to me.

Witchcraft was never a woman-exclusive space, period, and I don’t think it ever will be, and I think it’s great that anyone can come in and be accepted for who they are and practice magic like a boss however they want. If you want there to be spaces exclusive for women, make one, but it’s not the fault of the practice for not being that way naturally; there actually is a woman-specific space in Wicca, Dianic Wicca. However, exclusive spaces and stuff shouldn’t be something that is thrown over the entirety of the community regardless of how anyone else feels about it.

The term “witch” was never exclusively for women, as I’ve stated like a half a dozen times now - it is associated with almost exclusively women because that’s how it’s been used in modern times, but it has been used for men in the past too. It is gender neutral. If you thought it was a term for women-only, I’m sorry, but it never was; we’re not actually taking anything away from anyone, it was free to use from the get-go. You’re free to make your own spaces, but don’t try to take or claim something that wasn’t actually your “property” to begin with, please, and leave the rest of us struggling to fill it in. Just because we may not have “died” for it, doesn’t mean we have less of a right to it. 

(Okay, calm, calm down Richtor, civility.)

You’re also ignoring the fact that there are people who use the term “witch” who don’t fall under the category of either men or women. You declaring it a female-only term or space is not only excluding men. You’re excluding me too, you’re excluding many other people who don’t identify as either, which is why I am standing so hard for this point.

Witchcraft is an open practice. Anyone can use the term witch, and anyone can practice witchcraft. I stand by my point, and the history of the word witch. If you don’t like it, well, I’m sorry, I’m not stopping. I’m standing up for me, for all the male witches, for all the trans witches and the non-binary witches, and the genderfluid witches, like me. We have just as much right to that term as anyone else, because hey! It was never exclusively for women, and witchcraft is a very open practice that anyone can take and use as they like. So I’ll be damned if I stop calling myself a witch, and I will not stand by as other people are bullied for using that term because of their fucking gender.

(Sorry, civility lost, let’s see if I can calm down again.)

This is a passionate issue for me, as I’m sure you can see. Trying to collect myself, I’ve made a few changes to what I wrote, but I’m not changing how I think, or some of my phrasing choices. This is important to a lot of us - having an inclusive space and term would be awesome for our community, in my opinion. A lot of people get into witchcraft because they have not many other places to go, to turn to, to draw strength from. Some people draw their self empowerment and confidence from calling themselves a witch - yes, exactly that term witch, not any other term. It gives them the strength to keep fighting and being active in their own lives, to not take life’s shit lying down. We use the word as armor, sword, and shield. It means the world to some of us, because of how it can be seen, regardless of gender. 

It’s a shame you can’t see past the gender part, really. There are some lovely witches out there, men and people who aren’t either, or who are both, and we just want a place to belong and feel welcomed. Trying to exclude us from a term no one actually had any rights to… It doesn’t feel nice. Which is why I will forever stand by my followers and friends, those who identify as ways other than how the term witch has been used, and still call themselves that with pride. (I still stand by those that use other terms for whatever reason, I stand by all magic users, but I hope you can see my point on this one.) I will keep fighting for the word that has no rightful owner, and for the people who want to call themselves it, regardless of its stereotype. 

If that is something you can’t accept, well, what you do next is on you. Because I know where I stand on this, and I’m not going anywhere.

“I found this community of proudly gender non-conforming women. Women who don’t conform to society’s restrictive view of “woman”. I immediately felt the freedom to be who I wanted to be, and to not feel that I had to “prove” my womanhood.”

Submission by: @oops-im-a-radfem

24 from Utah

When I was a child/teen I was very gender non-conforming. I didn’t like “girl” things, I hated the color pink, had short hair, small boobs, wore mostly “boy” or gender neutral clothes.

If Utah was more progressive, and the trans cult had a presence here in the last half of the 00’s, I probably would have become a trans boy.

But, I didn’t. I went through my teen years as a tomboy, nothing unusual about that. I hated the clothes I had to wear to church. I felt uncomfortable in the girl’s bathroom because I was worried I looked out of place and that I would get yelled at. People asked me all the time if I was a boy or a girl, and I got mistaken for a boy and called a boy on many occasions. I was asked if I was a lesbian in middle school.

Basic stuff for a tomboy, I think.

When I was about 20, I found feminism. Through Pinterest, of all places. From there, I went to Facebook feminism. I learned the libfem version of “intersectionality” and wanted to be the best feminist I possibly could be. At that time, I didn’t really know much about the “queer” and “mogai” community, because I wasn’t on Tumblr. I had heard a bit about trans people, but I didn’t really know all that much about it.

In the fall of 2015, after being polyamorous with my husband for about 6 months, I met a girl. My husband and I started dating her (that’s a whole different story) and she told us about how she was genderfluid between being a woman and being agender. Her “agender” days basically consisted of body dysphoria and a desire to wear masculine clothing. After about a month or so of dating her, I started up my own Tumblr at her suggestion.

Once on Tumblr I learned all about the millions of identities within the “mogai” world. It was a lot of information, and I was confused and unsure that any of it was real. But I chalked those thoughts up to ignorance, and dove deeper into it all.

Throughout the entire time I was in the libfem world, and the Tumblr world, I grew more and more detached to my previous identity as a “tomboy”. I felt that since trans women have to perform femininity to be taken seriously as women, I had to as well or else I was depending on my cis privilege to be seen as a ‘real woman’.

After only a few weeks on Tumblr, I realized I had never questioned my gender. Because of Tumblr, I knew it was a cis privilege to never question gender, and to never have my gender questioned, unlike the experience that so many trans people have. I asked my girlfriend how she determined she wasn’t just a woman, and she directed me towards some blogs and labels for me to look into. I kept coming back to agender, because I was realizing that I didn’t fully “get” gender, and I wasn’t sure it was even real. Real for me, anyway, of course I knew it was real to others and I should respect that. But for me, gender wasn’t a real thing to worry about. I decided that because I didn’t understand gender, I must simply not have one. And so, I started claiming the identity of agender. 

I started using they/them pronouns, I tried out my girlfriend’s binder, I started embracing my masculine side again. I liked the binder, but soon after this I broke up with her and she took it back. I didn’t like it enough to get my own, so I didn’t get one. After some time of people not catching on with the they pronouns, I went back to she/her. Since I was still mostly feminine presenting it didn’t seem to matter to me.

I discovered nounself pronouns, and decided that I really liked the bun pronouns. I tried using them for a bit, but it felt silly and wrong. Plus not a lot of my friends used them for me, so I just decided to go back to she.

After that, I didn’t really care about my agender identity. I still used it, and I still made sure people on the internet knew about it, but deep down I didn’t care. I didn’t want to go back to identifying as a woman, though, because I knew once I did that I wouldn’t be able to speak about trans issues. I wanted to keep that, I didn’t want to be treated as a silly cis woman who has so much privilege she can’t say anything. I also didn’t want to give up the freedom I felt to not conform to gender roles as a woman.

In about November of last year, I decided that my romantic orientation wasn’t what I thought it was, because I was struggling with romance in general. I have never really felt totally romantic, and I decided to look into the aromantic spectrum to see if there was anything there that I liked. I found idemromantic (which basically means not understanding romantic attraction). I briefly used it, and when I was searching the ‘idemromantic’ tag for more people like me, I found an ace exclusionist blog.

I embraced the ace exclusionist perspective, and started critically examining everything I had been told by the ace/aro community. I learned how most of their labels were really about homophobia and the fact that the sex positive movement has given kids an unrealistic view of sex and romance.

At that point, I dropped the agender label, because through interacting with the ace exclusionist blogs I would occasionally see a post by a radfem that made good sense about why non-binary wasn’t so great. I once again felt the feeling of being restricted by my “woman” identity. I also still supported trans people on principal, I just felt a little better about not claiming that as part of my identity.

Then, the women’s march happened. The backlash of trans women feeling like their experience wasn’t centered enough and they were excluded happened. I noticed that even before that actually happened, I expected it. I knew that the pussy hats and the abortion rights signs would be offensive to trans women. I knew exactly how they would react. And that pissed me off.

I began thinking again about how gender has never made sense to me. I have never understood how someone can just “identify” with a gender. Gender roles are restrictive and assigned based on sex, so why would anyone want to “identify” with any “gender”? My year of identifying as “agender” didn’t do anything about my oppression. I was still affected by laws and expectations of women. I couldn’t just identify out of it, so how could trans women identify out of their male privilege? No matter what they wore or acted like, no matter the surgeries they got, they could NEVER be oppressed as women. They remain the oppressor class.

At that point, I decided to tentatively start researching radical feminism. I discovered this whole world of kick ass feminist women who don’t listen to male opinions, who don’t center male people, who live their lives for themselves and demand liberation.

I found this community of proudly gender non-conforming women. Women who don’t conform to society’s restrictive view of “woman”. I immediately felt the freedom to be who I wanted to be, and to not feel that I had to “prove” my womanhood. I felt a sisterhood I had never felt with trans women.

I felt free to re-embrace my natural tendency towards being gender non-conforming. I knew I could wear what I wanted and not be told I was less of a woman because of it. Now, I’m planning to get my hair cut short like it was when I was a teen (though, a bit more stylish). I want to wear “men’s” clothing and not be called either a man or some “non-binary” gender.

I feel like myself again.

I am a female by birth, and I “identify” with womanhood because I know now that womanhood is the simple matter of being an adult human female. I don’t have to do anything or act a certain way to be a woman, I just am one. And I no longer feel the need to identify as something other than a woman in order to be who I am. 

The weird and wonderful minds of the genderfluid trend. Check out my recent conversation:

Children as young as five can be genderfluid because when I was a child I used to wear skirts but I also wanted to be the red power ranger.

It probably means you’re just a girl who liked to wear skirts and you didn’t care if a power ranger is a guy or girl? That doesn’t make you “genderfluid”

The fact that I’m genderfluid has nothing to do with my preferences towards one gender stereotype or another, that was the point. I’m genderfluid because What gender I identify as is fluid, it changes from week to week or day to day. That has to do with how I personally feel. And furthermore if you’re going to put genderfluid in quotes like a pretentious ass, I’d like to tell you that genderfluidity has existed since the viking times.

That still doesn’t make you “genderfluid” babe, you’re either a male or a female who enjoys a few non traditional male/female perks, putting on a skirt doesn’t make you a female for the day if you’re a male, wanting to be the red power ranger doesn’t make you a male for the day if you’re a female so how can you use these as examples of switching between male and female? There’s no such thing as switching between male and female and calling it its own gender. And no it hasn’t existed since viking times, it hasn’t existed at all until some teenagers weren’t feeling special enough anymore.

Okay first of all, don’t fucking call me babe.  I am not your significant other so don’t fucking call me babe.  Secondly, THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE REPLY. Thirdly, Loki is literally genderfluid, he is literally a genderfluid god.  It’s not that he’s a “shapeshifter” because all the Norse gods can shapeshift, he literally is “fluid between a man and a woman” he is referred to as the mother of some of his children and the father of others.  Loki is genderfluid, that’s literally a thing.  And if you wanna say “I don’t know that for a fact” IT’S MY FUCKING RELIGION. Stop talking down to me I’m a fucking adult.

You want to be treated as an adult yet your evidence to suggest that “genderfluid” is a thing and has always existed is a fucking mythical deity. You believe he’s “genderfluid” because he gave birth… to a horse with 8 legs. Grow up ffs.

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE DISRESPECT MY RELIGION ON GROUNDS THAT IT HAS NO BEARING IN MY IDENTITY GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG. (I didn’t add the caps, this is copy and pasted)

You’re the one who used a mythical person who gives birth to an 8-legged horse as proof of genderfluid existing since viking times, you’re the one who brought this shit up, don’t get mad now that I’ve made you look like a complete weirdo with no argument.

All you’re doing is making yourself look like a fucking asshole which I will submit my good friend as proof because she thinks you’re being an asshole too. You’re disrespecting my identity, my religion, and talking down to me like I’m a child.  

Now you’re playing the victim card because your argument was dismantled. I’m an asshole because you can’t prove gender fluidity has existed since viking times as you claimed? I’m an asshole because you can’t prove that genderfluid is a real thing as you claimed? Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Their friend interjects: The fact that this deity has been around since Viking times if proof enough, asshole. Look at that, isn’t it magical? A mythical deity existing since viking times is proof of a gender identity existing since viking times.  ISN’T.  THAT.  MAGICAL?

You do realize it’s a mythical deity for a reason… it’s a myth… a fairytale… uh it ain’t real guys. Although it does make sense that if you believe a guy gave birth to an 8 legged horse then it’s no wonder you believe you’re genderfluid. I’d love to hear some real examples of gender fluidity existing since the viking times but a fairytale isn’t exactly what I would call solid evidence.

The friend replies to this post: Ok, look asshole. For a “fairytale” to have an identity, the concept of said identity needs to have been thought up. As such, since Loki is genderfluid, the concept of gender fluidity needs to have existed. The “fairytale” part is irrelevant.

Your friend said gender fluidity has been happening since viking times. The proof was Loki. Fucking Loki. So if a mythical fairytale god giving birth to an 8 legged horse proves that gender fluidity was a real thing, it must mean that we should be mating humans with bulls and expecting a baby minotaur because hey the fairytale of minotaurs existed so obviously it must be a real thing today too. You heard her guys, let’s go start fucking bulls and identifying as minotaurs because a mythological tale said it’s real. Are you even hearing yourself ffs lmao “because something was thought up in mythological texts, it needs to have existed,” you do understand the definition of myths don’t you, which is what Loki is, a myth - “a widely held but false belief or idea.” Holy shit. You can’t use Loki as your inspiration to think you can magically change your gender whenever you please, I wish your mom told you he’s not real so I didn’t have to be the one to break it to you. 

And now I’m blocked.

anonymous asked:

So someone told me that as an nb I'm not trans if I align more closely with my birth gender, and that if I'm genderfluid and sometimes identify as my birth gender I am cis sometimes and I'm so confused

tbh, i find it pretty weird when genderfluid people say they are sometimes cis? like ok, identify however you want, and i know you mean you are sometimes your assigned gender, but in the long run, being cis from a logistical - for lack of a better word - standpoint means you are always exactly the gender you were assigned to at birth,

under exorsexism, people are led to believe that gender can be simplified to two genders, and that anyone who is close to a binary gender but not that binary gender is confused or lying; exorsexism is under cissexism, so, no, I don’t think it’s fair to say you are cis.

nonbinary people are under the transgender idea by default, however several nonbinary people feel uncomfortable with the rampant exorsexism in (mostly binary) trans spaces, so they don’t id as trans. but it’s your choice, really - I’d just avoid language such as “trans demigirl” or “nonbinary trans boy” if you aren’t AMAB/transfeminine or AFAB/transmasculine, respectively. maybe some AGAB-aligned followers could give pointers as to how to express both your alignment and the fact you are transgender without seeming like you are transmasculine/transfeminine? idk

anyways, I don’t see how you should have to identify as cis, and not identify with the trans label at all, if you suffer complications such as struggling to understand your gender, having dysphoria (this counts social dysphoria too!), getting misgendered a lot because most people just see you as your assigned gender when you are not, having your identity dismissed by others, having to consider getting new clothes/accessories/name/pronouns (even if in the end you don’t change any of these)… like, these are parts of the trans/nonbinary experience, and even if some cis people might have some similar problems sometimes, I don’t feel like it’s the same thing.

short version:

  • if you aren’t 100% male or 100% female you can identify as nonbinary/non-cis, being genderfluid with one or both of these genders doesn’t make you 100% one of those
  • if you don’t identify as exactly your assigned gender - and this counts people such as AMAB genderflux boys and AFAB magigirls - you can say you are trans(gender), although it’s fine to not identify as that if you feel uncomfortable with people constantly doubting your “transness”
  • if you decide to identify as trans and have a gender that can be interpreted as close to your assigned gender, it may be a good idea to not use “trans [insert gender here]” as a single identity because people may think you are transmasculine or transfeminine, but that doesn’t mean you are simply “less trans”
How to spot an obvious troll in the otherkin tags.

I saw a post the other day where someone was saying that they aren’t sure how to identify trolls. Before getting into it, I want to say that there are other ways to suck as an otherkin besides just being a troll. You can be a lousy person with toxic ideas and still be serious about your kin type. That should be addressed, for sure. However, there are a lot of people who are so obviously trolling that their blogs are not worth a second glance. Somehow, those are the people we waste 95% of our time defending our reputations and identities against. Below, I’ve made a list of things that probably mean someone’s a troll. All the examples are made up, but they’re pretty damn close to stuff I’ve actually seen in the tags.

1.      Any post containing the phrase “stop oppressing me.” If an actual otherkin disagrees with the prevailing idea that we are not oppressed, he probably knows by now that his opinion will be unpopular and likely even get him hate/horrible anon messages. If he really wanted people to understand his feelings of oppression, he would have to write a lengthy post justifying his position and politely requesting that the discussion surrounding oppression be re-opened. I have seen posts like this before.

Instead of doing ANY of that, trolls write things kind of like this:

“I’M SANDWICH KIN! WHEN YOU EAT PEANUT BUTTER, THAT’S CULTURAL APPROPRIATION! OBVIOUSLY! GAWD!”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE NO PEOPLE OF CHLOROPHYLL WERE CAST IN LEADING ROLES FOR THAT FILM!!!! PLANTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO!” 

The way trolls write often suggests that it is self-evident that grass needs representation on TV because having a house plant is slavery. Even if someone actually believed that having house plants was slavery, no one in their right mind would expect everyone to immediately go “oh, wow, now that I think about it, yeah!” without any explanation as to why or how having a plant in your house (rather than outside) is slavery. Angry posts that demand you “check your privilege” but offer no context for why you should do this are troll posts.

2.      Any post that contains really angry statements followed by “uwu.”

“I’M A TRAFFIC CONE! MY PRONOUNS ARE CONE, CONE’S, AND CONESELF!!!! I’M SUPER OPPRESSED CUZ HOW MANY CARS HAVE RUN OVER TRAFFIC CONES???? uwu”

“YOU’RE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF CIS-SCUM SHIT FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT HOT DOG IS A GENDER! uwu”

The “uwu” looks ridiculous next to these all-caps screaming statements. No one who is serious does this.

3.      Any post where someone describes needing to eat inedible things in order to physically survive. People who are serious about being kin might want to eat food that they associate with their kin types, but no one seriously believes that their human body needs to eat diamonds, rocks, or other non-food items in order to survive.  

“I ATE MY MOM’S WEDDING RING AND SHE GROUNDED ME! DOESN’T SHE REALIZE SHE’S STARVING ME BY ONLY GIVING ME FOOD TO EAT AND NOT DIAMONDS????”

If someone actually ate a diamond, they would probably get sick (best case scenario) or end up in the ER (worst case scenario). Either way, they would quickly learn that their body cannot process that as food. Therefore, if someone is claiming theirs can, they’re a troll.

4.      Anyone who automatically adopts new pronouns the moment they awaken as otherkin. Some otherkin are also trans/non-binary/what-have-you and choose to use neo-pronouns. However, people who are not trans know they are not trans, and I have a hard time believing that anyone who’s serious actually thinks their gender is cat.

“I’m a 17-year-old girl who just realized I’m voidkin, so I guess it’s voidself now.”

“For a long time, I’ve felt like my gender was somewhere between whale blubber and football. I guess that kinda makes me genderfluid because I fluctuate between those two things, but I think blubself really has a nice ring to it, so I’m thinking of going with blubber pronouns.”

5.      Anyone whose “kin type” is obviously some convoluted political statement or non-subtle jab against trans people rather than an actual identity.

“I identify as not-in-debt-kin, which is also known as trans-not-in-debt-ual. My pronouns are don’t, charge, and me. If Sallie Mae calls again, I’m going to yell at them for not respecting my new identity!”

“I’m gonna identify as a dolphin and demand a fish tank in my office building and insist on being fed live fish! If people won’t do this, I will decide they are oppressing me. SEE HOW THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS WHAT CAITLYN JENNER IS DOING????”

6.      Anyone who makes posts that are nothing but an announcement of their kin type (which is usually something inanimate like a chair or a desk lamp) followed by a melodramatic speech which feels like a mean-spirited parody of how LGBTQQIA2SP people often talk about coming out.

“I’m desk lamp kin. Ever since I was a little child, I’ve always been very upset that I couldn’t press down on my foot and make light come out of my nose. This has been so isolating and alienating! Every time I go to Office Max, I strike up conversations with inanimate lamps. My mom thinks I’m crazy for doing this because she doesn’t understand the deep emotional impact that being a desk lamp has on me. Last year, I finally got up the courage to wear a lamp shade on my head. For the first time in my life, I felt FREE. I felt like MYSELF, but then my school sent me home because they don’t allow hats at school. FUCK MY SCHOOL. It’s not a hat!!!! This is how I express myself. I am a lamp, and asking me not to wear a lampshade isn’t respecting my culture or my religion or my gender (all of which are lamp).”

7.      Anyone with a really long list of clashing/opposing identities, genders, and disorders in their description that make no sense when combined (or at all).

“Jenna / 18 / actualy divine / demon-kin / TV-kin / fundamentalist Christian / nonbinary genderfluid truscum / tucute / radfem / semi-autistic / demi-allistic / hella sexually attracted to guys / asexual / demisexual / autochorissexual / allosexual / self-diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer, a benign tumor that I cannot actually feel or see, and .”

8.      Anyone who constantly takes the language of “triggers” out of the context of trauma and other mental health issues.  

“I’M A FLOWER-KIN AND IT TRIGGERS ME WHEN YOU PICK FLOWERS!”

9.      Any blog that conflates being trans with being otherkin. Some otherkin are also trans, but no otherkin seriously assumes that all non-otherkin are cis.  

That should get you started.

4

You woke to the sound of screaming. You shot up from your bed and nearly made it out the room before your reflection made you stop. Your jaw hit the floor as your stared into your reflection. Staring back at you, was a male. He was basically you in male form: same eye and hair colour, same height, same features. Only he was a he. 

You remembered back to last nights hunt and realised it was the Witch. She’d hexed you…so who was screaming?
You ran out into the hallways of the bunker and ran straight into someone. You stumbled backwards and stared into a female Dean. There was no doubt it was Dean, she had the same green eyes and facial expression, not to mention the fact that she was wearing his shirt. “I have boobs.” She whispered with fright, staring at you with the same amount of shock. You couldn’t help but laugh at that. Instead of your usual laugh, however, it was much deeper and definitely male. 
Another two figures appeared. One was a tall female, with shoulder length hair and large scared eyes. The other was shorter, she had a trench coat on and a highly confused face. “Did I change vessel?” She mumbled.

“I think it was the witch.” Sam decided, “her” voice feminine. You cringed, not wanting to talk.
“Yeah you don’t say.” Dean rolled “her” eyes.
“Okay, can we fix it?” Cas asked.

The four of you had been in the library for almost an hour when you piped up with some news “It say’s it wears off after twenty four hours.” You sighed with relief, showing the page to your “sisters” and Cas.

They shared your sigh and started picking on each other. “You’re not even hot.” Dean pointed at Sam.
“At least I fit my clothes.” Sam huffed.
“Maybe I like baggy.” Dean mumbled.
“You’re stupid.” Sam laughed.
“You’re stupider.”

You rolled your eyes and turned to Cas. “Hey, uh, is this not weird for you then? Because you must be kind of used to it, what with changing vessels?” 
“I suppose so yes. It’s much weirder to see you three not looking the same…although,” He turned to you and frowned “You do seem to be taking it rather well.”

You gulped and looked down at the floor “Yeah, I uh…I think I might be genderfluid.” You admit, not expecting him to even know what that meant.
“I see. Are you aware all angels are genderfluid?” He questioned.
“Uh, no…actually. So, you’re genderfluid?” You asked- intrigued.
“I am,” He paused and looked over to your “sisters” “Do Sam and Dean know?”
You shake your head “No…”
“You should tell them, Y/N.”
“I know…” You sigh “Maybe tomorrow though, when things are a bit more normal.” You chuckle.

So that’s what you did.

The next day you woke to your old body, your old voice, and you even fit your clothes. You didn’t know whether you missed being a man or not. It suited you…in some ways anyway.

Making your way down the stairs, you saw your brothers and Cas talking over toast and coffee. You grabbed a cup and joined them. Cas gave you a small nod and you smiled coyly. 
“I believe Y/N has something to say.” Cas coughed lightly. You chuckled at his gesture before speaking “I’ve known for quite some time. Or at least I’ve thought I’ve known. But after yesterday, I knew for sure that uhm… I’m genderfluid.” You risk looking at your brothers. Sam’s face went from concern to relief as he put his coffee down. Dean looked awkward and spoke first “What uh, what exactly is that again?” He asked.
“I change what gender I identify as…so sometimes I’m male and sometimes I’m female. I might even have no gender for a bit.” 
“Oh, well good for you.” He smiled encouragingly.
“Really? You’re not annoyed?” You frown.
“No, of course not, Y/N.” Sam chuckled.
“So uh, you want us to call you anything different?” Dean asked.
You take a sip of your drink before speaking “Well…”


(Btw I left the end open for your own preference I didn’t make a mistake haha)

Requested by @hedgiepotter

I was the one who suggested a genderbend fic (I can’t remember if I was on anon then or not) but can you make it so the reader is questioning her gender and she realizes during the spell that she’s genderfluid and sometimes they’re more masculine, sometimes feminine. And they use it to come out to Sam and Dean, and Cas is genderfluid too cause it depends on who he’s possessing at the time? Thank you so much!!
Sure thing! Thanks for the added detail, detail helps ;)

(maybe a witch hex changes the genders of TFW and the sister? how each of them respond and how they fix it. ty! ^_^)
Thanks for requesting btw!


I do not own these gifs

Dear Mom and Dad

Note that I specifically said “mom and dad” and not “parents.” This is because, perhaps, if I had two moms or two dads, I wouldn’t be having this dilemma, this imperial affliction. Perhaps two moms or two dads would be more understanding. Or not. Of course, there are probably a few LGBTQUIAP couples out there who wouldn’t validate me because my identity isn’t quite as straightforward as “straight” or “gay.” No, it’s a bit more complicated than that. But nonetheless, as the child of a straight, white, conservative, Christian couple with blatant hatred toward queer people, I’m writing this now because I know that I cannot safely come out to you.

Now don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with being straight, white, Christian, and, dare I even say conservative. You can be these things and it’s okay. Straight is great. You go traditional procreators!! Thanks for producing kids like Catholic rabbits. It’s great. But what’s not great is when you think that “straight” is the only way to be. You can be white, and that’s great. But what’s not great is when you get scared every time there’s a “thug-looking black guy” around. You can be Christian, and that’s awesome!! Even being queer, I still label as Christian because I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe he rose again, and I believe in the 10 commandments. Christianity is great, but oppressing everyone who doesn’t conform, saying that everyone who doesn’t believe exactly what you do is damned to hell, and being misogynistic, homophobic, and transphobic is not okay. And you can even be conservative if you want. As long as your “opinion” doesn’t invalidate someone else’s existence, you’re okay. But most of your beliefs do just that, and that’s why I’m writing this.

Why would your perfect, straight daughter write such a daring message? Why is she rebelling? It’s because she is dead. I was born with a female reproductive system, so you label me a girl. You give me a “girly” name, dress me up nice, hand me a Barbie that I find no interest in, don’t let me watch “boy” movies. But I was never a girl. I never felt like a girl. I never wanted to wear girly clothes or makeup. I wanted to wear black jeans and t-shirts. I wanted to tie my hair back and go. As soon as I discovered the boyish movies (Pirates of the Caribbean to be exact), I wanted more and more. I was, in fact, never a girl. But I was never a boy either.

Your daughter was an illusion. The girl you thought you gave birth to was nothing but an idea. My name is not the name you gave me. It’s not the traditional female name I was given. My name is Danny Clarke M. I was born at 4:44 p.m. on the 15th of July in the year of 1999. At 4:45, the nurse wrapped me in a pink blanket and said “It’s a girl.” But she was wrong. My name is Danny. I’m 15 years old. And I am agender.

Not only this, but at the age of 11, I would be harassed, abused, and near-molested by my first “boyfriend.” He was a horny 14 year old I met at church. Someone I thought was safe. He’d tell me I’m beautiful then tell me that I needed to starve myself. He’s tell me that he loved me, but only for my body. This would go on for about 6 weeks before you found out, but not until he tried to pressure me into sex, something I knew almost nothing about. It was completely without my consent. But nonetheless he tried, and he would’ve undoubtedly raped me one night had my best friend at the time not walked in when he tried to make a move. Until then, I thought that I would want this at his age. 13 came and I felt nothing. 14 came and went. 15 is almost gone, and never once have I wanted to have sex. I’ve never looked at someone and thought, “wow, I’d bang them like a screen door in a hurricane.” I’ve never wanted that. It was at 14 that I first realized that I am asexual.

And then came Natalie Dormer. I saw her on the Mockingjay poster. Half-shaved head, tattoos, gun. She was so beautiful and I wanted to marry her. I didn’t want to touch her like that, but I still wanted… Something. She wasn’t my first girl-crush, but she was the first that I couldn’t shake off. And for once, I began to accept that I liked girls and boys. I wanted to date both. And soon it panned out even further. I wanted to date nonbinary people and genderfluid people and everyone else I found attractive. I quickly came to realize that I was attracted romantically to people regardless of gender. And thus I began identifying as panromantic.

There. I said it. I am an agender panromantic asexual. And I know that you’ll never accept it. You’ll try and pray the gay away. You’ve blatantly told me that you’d rather see me hooked on drugs and dying than for me to have a girlfriend. And you’re both nurses, so you know what drug addiction looks like. But you’re too late. A year and a half ago, I met emgeebee31 on Wattpad after she read my awful fanfiction. We began talking, became friends, and then much more than that. Meg became, or perhaps always has been, my soul mate. And she’s a girl. She is my girlfriend, and I love her.

Listen, this doesn’t mean I don’t love you. All my favorites are problematic. So are you. But I don’t want you to love who I could or should be. I don’t want you to love a memory of a little girl willing to put up with your straight, cis agenda. I want you to love ME. And maybe you can, considering you’ll never see this. But if you knew the real me, I fear that all the hugs and laughs and lighthearted love would be replaced with conversion therapy (which is still legal here) and disappointed looks and “tough love.” And I won’t let that happen.

I want desperately for the world to know this, so maybe they can find some courage in this. I don’t know what the purpose of this was supposed to be. But I’m posting this to a side blog and asking my wonderful girlfriend to reblog this for me. Maybe I’ll reblog it to my main, acting like this was someone else’s. I don’t know. But maybe, if this gets a lot of notes, if someone supports me enough, I’ll come out to you for real, at least once I graduate and can support myself, so that I’ll have a place and reason to live. Maybe someday. But until then, I’ll remain in my safe - yet incredibly lonely - closet. And you’ll have two straight daughters instead of one - unless my sister turns out to be queer, or not my sister at all, but rather a brother or just a sibling. But until then…

I love you, and I just want to be myself and be loved, because I can’t change. My birth name means beloved. Danny means that God is my judge. Please let my names persuade you to let me be. Let God be my judge, but love me in the meantime.

Love,
Danny Clarke.
Your agender child.

anonymous asked:

Hi mom! I've been identifying as a demigirl lesbian, but sometimes I feel more like a girl, or more outside of the gender spectrum than as a girl. Is this normal orr is there a better label? Also, I am very sorry for your loss. Take your time. <3

My dear lgbt+ child, 

Demigirl is defined as  “someone who partially (but not fully) identifies as a girl”. The definition leaves plenty of room for many different individual experiences and that’s good because that’s exactly how it is: Some demigirls experience this partial connection to being a girl this way, some demigirls experience it that way. All of their experiences are normal. 

I think you’re trying to describe a level of fluidity you experience. Sometimes you feel more like a girl, other times you feel more outside of the gender binary/nonbinary (please correct me if i misunderstood!). Demigirls can certainly experience fluidity in their gender! 

A term that people use who experience this fluidity is “genderfluid”. That means “someone whose gender changes over time”. for example, it might change between girl ands nonbinary! 

What i’m trying to say is: If you feel like the label demigirl fits well, you can certainly use it. The best label is the one you feel most comfortable with. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom 

PS: Thankyou for your sympathy during my time of loss. Your kind words means a lot to me. 

You don’t have to communicate your gender

You have no obligation to figure out the exact way to describe your feelings to other people

It’s totally okay to use a word for yourself that you don’t feel fully encapsulates all of your feelings.

Nobody has any right to knowing What You Are or How You Feel and you don’t have to spend energy figuring out how to explain it to them, especially not in a couple concise nouns.

It can feel great to find a word someone made up that resonates with you

If that becomes a source of stress, remember that it actually isn’t necessary to find the right word for your feelings to be valid.

Nobody is like, necessarily feminine agender rather than a demigirl and nobody is wrong for identifying as one instead of the other. These are just different ways of describing our completely individual personal feelings about ourselves.

No two demigirls actually feel the exact same as each other they both just decided, for themselves, that its a term that feels good when they use it. Same goes for every single other term anyone ever uses to describe their gender feelings. Binary or not. It’s because it makes them feel good. Nobody actually really knows if they feel exactly the same as anyone else. That’s okay. Your feelings can just be yours and unique to you and they’d still be valid.

There’s no gender alignment grid you have to fit into. Being trans is just about trying to figure out a way to be happy with yourself. Once you’re there, it doesn’t matter if “trans demigirl” is technically more accurate than “trans girl” or “bigender” is less accurate than “genderfluid” these are all just words. You’re never wrong for just wanting to use the one that feels best and if none of them feel good you 1. don’t have to use any of them and 2. are not obligated to coin some new word so that everyone knows What You Are and How You Feel About It.

These are all just words people made up to describe themselves and if you want to use them or not is entirely up to you. If someone suddenly says “new word, fibgender, for people who feel like their gender is a lie” even if you think that too, you can still just say “nah” and not use it. Vice versa too.

I tell everyone I’m a trans woman. I also have much more complicated gender feelings than that. Sometimes I’ll just say nb trans woman. Both are fine. I don’t have to say I’m a demiwoman or enby or anything else just cuz someone else coined those words. I’m not doing anyone a disservice by just saying that, for all intents and purposes, this is the label I’m presenting you with, my feelings are mine, they are personal, internal, and valid, and I don’t need to actually convey them to you when you ask me What I Am.

Gender is a feeling and you have no obligation to communicate it. However you feel, it’s Okay, it’s Fine, you aren’t violating any rules by feeling it or choosing your fave words for it. It’s All Fine.

ON PRIDE (and gender)

A long time ago, I sat in a hot car with my father and told him I was gay. It was hot in the way that defeats any attempt at air-conditioning, and the heat loosened muscles and made everybody sweat equally, profusely. It made it a little easier to tell him what might have been obvious for a long time. It was the middle of the summer in a part of Texas kind of near Dallas and he had driven me from his apartment complex to my mom’s apartment complex and we were sitting in this heavy heat in his 280ZX just not saying anything for a while. Then I told him, and he sat in the maroon velour and heat for a minute before offering, “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re gay.” I laughed. this kind of anti-reality regularly left his mouth and it had long since ceased to hurt. The flat-out denial was actually an effort on his part towards generosity. 

It turned out he was right, in a way. A couple of years ago, I did an interview with Out Magazine. I was in their annual round-up of somewhat well-known queer people. I was a little surprised when, ahead of the interview, I was asked via my management to clarify for the publication how I identified, like sexually and/or gender-wise. I hadn’t bothered to try to publicly identify in a long time cause I’m privileged enough not to have to worry about it too much, plus I didn’t really identify as anything. Identifying seemed like the death of possibility. I don’t remember what I told them. Something extremely open ended.

I’ve had relationships with men and with women and with people who might not identify as either one of those. I feel extremely fortunate in that I truly don’t give a fuck when it comes to the gender of the person I’m dating. It took a long time to be comfortable with that. I wanted badly to fit into the straight, binary world. My family was Catholic. It came with a kind of all-consuming but ultimately shallow guilt. I was a high-school student when a girl grabbed my leg at the late night diner where we smoked cigarettes and drank coffee and played western swing on the jukebox. I was very turned on and then I had a fear of imminent doom for weeks. It had been coming for years but that was the first totally vivid flush of that feeling and that particular self-awareness. It was isolating as hell and it sucked. Eventually it settled into a life-long bothersome internal conversation about What Am I and Who Am I Attracted To. I wasn’t trying to identify, I was trying to not be confused.

When I was a very small child, announced to everyone who would listen that I was a boy. I’m terrified, still, talking about it. At the time, though, I was defiant and happy. My parents were mortified. I insisted on being referred to and treated as and being a boy at my Christian preschool, at our church, around our populous extended family, and in every public arena. What made it worse for my parents was that I did look and act like a boy and many people assumed I was a boy and were just confused about why I was announcing it until they figured it out and then they immediately let my parents know exactly what they thought of them with a pair of razor sharp dagger eyes. I am quite certain it was awful for my parents. I don’t begrudge them their confusion and despair. They felt burdened by God and no one did anything to dispel that.

Eventually the criticism from my family and the insults from other people were internalized and I gave up and what had been pride became shame and then I really was like everybody else for as long as I could pretend that I didn’t like boys and girls. And I talked about that couple of years in my life like one talks about having wet the bed.

As I got older, it never occurred to me that I should pay any attention whatsoever to the feelings ranging from awkwardness to disgust that I felt when I looked at myself in a full-length mirror. I condemned every one of those feelings as vanity, even before I was fully aware of them. I haven’t been Catholic for a long time but my guilt certainly still is.

I saw a program last year about a clinic in the midwest for transgender kids and their parents. The kids are counseled and lead their own gender explorations and their parents are assisted in negotiating the parental confusion. As a result they are collectively gifted with an understanding community. It knocked me over. I cried, a lot. I’d never considered that what I went through could’ve been anything other than delusion. In effect, I had to come out to myself. 

Gender isn’t clear cut for me, and now I accept that. I did at one time identify as a boy. I sometimes, but rarely, identify as a woman. Mostly I don’t think about it. I don’t feel tied to gender. “Genderfluid” is the closest I can get to identification. I like the word trans, in its all-inclusive definition. 

Last I checked in with my father his views on gays had softened. An admission something to the effect of “maybe the world is changing” was said softly in his thick drawl before he went quiet again. It was the last time we talked about such things. My father is old enough now that he won’t change and I no longer want to change him. 

Maybe, though, this will help somebody realize that this is closer to them than they thought. I’d like to encourage people who aren’t to let trans people, particularly trans people of color, define their own lives and terms. You don’t have to look very hard for them, and you should. Listen, accept, and respect. The more you learn the more acutely you’ll understand just how overdue that respect is.

- jh

lordilover1 submitted:

Demi story!

Since I was a teenager I felt like there was something I was missing, something was wrong with me because no way on earth could I get my head around WANTING to sleep with someone at first sight. 

My friends would tell me how great sexual relationships were and how I NEEDED to find a boyfriend to teach me this and I would sit there and think “but how great can it be if I’m just not excited at the thought of it like you are?”

Get to my late teens and my friends are joking about forcing me into situations with men (which didn’t help) and trying to set me up with random men or dragging me along to bars etc. None of which did anything but confirm in me that this was something I really did not get and was probably never going to. 

To try and prove everyone wrong, I took up with a guy everyone encouraged me to start dating, which ended up being a huge mistake! I needed time to believe that there were real feelings between us and he wanted a girl who would hop into bed right away, by the time I felt ready to try ANYTHING sexual with him he’d decided he’d waited long enough and broke up with me by breaking all contact with me. 

After this went sour I (secretly gleefully) told everyone how I was going to end up a cat lady, with dozens of pets and no man. Everyone would commiserate and promise me I’d meet someone new someday but I used my bad relationship as an excuse not to go looking anytime soon. (He was a jerk but he was useful for something!)

I then discovered that I love writing, it makes me feel like I can do something wholly me that others might enjoy. 

I then discover Tumblr as a place one can showcase art and writing and discovered a few details about sexuality and gender (A friend of mine realised they were genderfluid and I wanted to learn more about it). 

Then I discovered what asexuality was. I found a few blogs and thought up a story (not one that’s been written yet I’m afraid,) but I needed more information to do it. So I found a pretty popular blog and got talking to the blogger about my ideas. She turned out not only to be incredibly helpful but amazingly good fun! (guess who?) 

As we spoke, she told me about the ace spectrum and sent me a list of terms. 

I read through asexual and found it interesting but not so easy to relate to (I decided I couldn’t be asexual because I felt sexually attracted to my past jerk after a while!).

Then I got to demisexual. 

That was an interesting read. 

I started to realise, as the list of traits and things demis experience went on I identified with so. damn. much.

All of a sudden it was like “Oh… so THAT’S what’s been going on!“ 

It was sort of like when you have a puzzle and learn the trick to it. It was that kind of moment.

At that point, I knew 100% what that part of me was. I knew why it was hard for me to jump into a relationship and aim for the full ‘lovey dovey’ experience of falling into bed while violins played and giggling under bedsheets (I was forced to watch a LOT Of bad romance movies). I got that I was always going to need to really get to know someone before anything like that would even cross my mind, it was great! 

I realised how the puzzle worked, it wasn’t that I was missing a few pieces, I just didn’t understand the picture I was making. This was a huge boost for my confidence because now I knew that I wasn’t weird for having no interest in anyone sexually. I was just being me, demisexual me. 

Once I had a firm grasp of this, it was so much easier to explain to people that actually no, I was fine on my own. trust me, yes I might meet someone sometime but that would take time too so please, respect the demi and don’t rush me.

And it worked! Because now I knew what I was doing. 

I was so used to being a me on the sidelines, always an oddball that couldn’t crack a simple code that suddenly finding people who not only understood me but knew EXACTLY the way my mind worked with this stuff, was an absolute blessed miracle. 

I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of amazing new friends after discovering and accepting this part of myself, to the point where I really feel lucky to be alive on this earth at this point. 

I am demisexual.

I am on the asexual spectrum with many wonderful and amazing fellow asexuals,

And I am DAMN proud of that fact!

Discovering Gender Identity with Chris

I remember the realization that I wasn’t alone in feeling the way I do about myself: my body, my gender, all of it. I remember it vividly. Not just an existential supposition but the actual gripping, breath catching reality of it.

It was like falling in love.

Like I’d been breathing through a straw, and suddenly found myself with lungs full of mountain air. Sweet and heady. I’m not terribly social, I didn’t feel the need to reach out much, but there were words for how I felt, both good and bad. There were words and names and communities and the world suddenly included me. It wasn’t like there was a whole new one exactly,  more like there was a new dimension to everything. A dimension which I’d never been taught about, that made my shape make sense, look whole, instead of broken.

Words matter. Let no one tell you otherwise. They shape perception. They’re magic. Even if the phrase “I identify as” can be twisted, turned, to imply we aren’t something, that we aren’t ourselves intrinsically (which we are) – having something to identify with is vital.

I had learned about being transgender, before. I’d thought about it, extensively, but I wasn’t a woman, or not only a woman. That wasn’t quite right, though I realized later that I was definitely trans feminine. I didn’t know that then, though, I didn’t have the words to invoke myself.  I didn’t know they existed in a way that could be me. So I thought I had to be a man. And I tried to make sure I was. I made a uniform for myself, to hide how discomfitted I felt in the ways available to express… me.

In high school I wore coats, suit jackets, dress shoes like armor, like traps, hoping that there was something magical in them, something hidden in the objects I perceived as masculine that would make me feel right. That would reassure everyone else, and myself, that I wasn’t something strange. Something wrong.  That would contain the discontent, the otherness I didn’t have a name for in myself. Pushing at the edges, not fitting.

There was a lot going on in my life. With my mother was dying of cancer, I’d buried myself in projects, schoolwork, was trying to hold my family together, coping with mental illness, and then there was this thing inside me that I tried to lock away.  Because I thought had to. I didn’t have the strength to cope with it. Or felt like I deserved to cope. I didn’t even know what was wrong, what was off, really. Except for me. I never felt right about my body, about people’s words on me, pressing into my suits, encouraging, supporting my trick. I didn’t feel like I owned myself.

And then I discovered words. New words. New theories, concepts, schema of gender. Nonbinary. Genderfluid. Bigender. That it wasn’t either or. That I wasn’t either or. That I wasn’t broken. When someone used a name for me, a word for me, I had something to say back to them, something with which to assert my selfness. Something with which to say “I am.”

My life didn’t change instantly, but it did change. I didn’t suddenly know who I was, what it meant to me, what words would explain myself best to others, that resonated well when I thought them of myself. I didn’t yet know about the differences between identity and expression, or how I would want to express myself. But it was a start. It was a place I could grasp onto, gain my footing - and that’s a lot. I could look at myself squarely,  I could fall in love with myself.

Identity is a complicated concept, gender identity a particularly convoluted facet of that greater whole, and what many cisgender people don’t realize is how utterly devastating it can feel to be disjunct from that. From any part of your identity. To be told by everyone around you you are one thing, and not have the words to assert even to yourself who you are; to describe, to explain, to even think about what’s wrong, in full - because those around you operate as if it doesn’t need to be explained or examined, when it does.

Too many people will try to name you, shape you, change you, make you fit into their version of the world with their words while denying you yours. Some of them maliciously; some not. Some will do it out of a misguided desire to help, which makes it no less harmful, and changes nothing.

Your identity is yours to decide, to describe, and it is valid. It is glorious as rivers and mountains and stars are glorious. Your identity is your own, nobody else’s, but you are not alone. There are those with shared experiences that can help teach you the language, the ideas, that suit you. There are resources; if you ever need help or advice, or even just a few sets of ears to hear you. Ways to Raise is one such resource; and there are others too. Your identity is yours. You own it, and no one else.

-Chris

From AlternativeExistence - An Important Message to My Followers

I really meant to post this a few days ago but I’ve been working all weekend, and haven’t really had the free time to sit down and compose everything I’m about to say. Honestly, I’m still not quite sure what to say or how to say it, but I know I need to, so here goes.

Any of you who follow me can get a slight sense of the kind of person I am. Those who know me personally, slightly more so (once I started college, I never really kept close to many high school friends, and I only have a small group of current friends - nothing against anyone, I’m just kind of shy and secluded by nature). Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE making new friends and I promise I’m super nice and kind of cool I guess even though I think I’m a fucking loser - I just suck at human interactions, always have.

Back on topic though - only my dearest friends…okay, really by now just Silent…and I guess anyone who’s known me a really long time…know exactly the type of person I am. I’m 23 - male - the shy, quiet type until I’m cracked open and my psychoses are strewn about the floor for all to see (good AND bad). Sensitive. In touch with my emotions. A head full of ideas and barely any ways to let them out (I have like, zero talents, save for collecting figures, eating junk food, playing pokemon, tumbling, watching anime and basically being a useless piece of garbage…and I guess I’m halfway decent at cosplay and singing).

I’m rambling again, I know, but those of you who don’t really know me personally, I’m just trying to give you a pre-existing sense of who I am. So yeah. I’ve never really felt like I fit in anywhere. Still don’t sometimes. Wasn’t until high school and when I met Silent that I finally started developing my own sense of identity, started being my own person. My life hasn’t always been the easiest. My father passed away from brain cancer when I was 11. Things went downhill fast. Money was tight (still kinda is), relationships suffered, and my OCD, anxiety, and depression started rearing their ugly fucking heads. I started retreating into myself, into my shows and games and music, started becoming one of the ‘weird kids’, started getting pegged as an emo, a loser, a nobody. All the while life’s complexities were beginning to choke me and part of me wanted out. It wasn’t until I met Silent…Jazz…and everything started getting better. That’s not to say it’s some wishy-washy romantic 'love saved my life’ type deal…but she did start giving me reasons to carry on to the next day and the day after, reasons to start making a better future for myself.

Things picked up. I came out of my shell. She loved me for exactly who I was ( and still does <3). That’s when I decided to stop being afraid of what people think…for the most part. I started doing more artsy things, I started dressing more fashionably, I started wearing my fandoms on my sleeve no matter how embarrassing others might be in my place. I was finally happy. I was finally myself. I may not be the typical boy most people around my town might come to expect, but I was perfectly fine with that.

When Jazz introduced us to Tumblr a few years ago, it broadened us even more in every spectrum of life. Art, entertainment, humor, information, friendships, social intricacies, the list goes on. It’s also when Jazz realized she may be pansexual ( attracted to all sexes) and genderfluid (identifies as male, female, both, neither, or any other nonbinary gender at any given time). I’ll admit I was a bit confused at first, but it didn’t change how I felt about them, nor them for me, the dreaded cishet white male. We still love each other and plan on being together forever. 

But these past few months got me thinking about a lot of things. Little things. Like how I’m super into wanting to look good. Never wanting to do anything gross or dirty. Never wanting to do super 'manly’ things like play sports or whatever. How I make friends with females WAY easier than with males and how I seem to get along with and identify with them. How during 'what if’ thoughts I sometimes came to the conclusion that yeah, I guess I’d be down with that dude, or watching something and one of my favorite characters would come on and I’d be like 'oh yes, my bae!’, regardless of gender. And then I got to thinking about how many times Jazz and I have had serious conversations about wanting to interact with people of the same sex in intimate situations, or what we’d give to switch genders/bodies for a day. Some nights I’d start thinking to myself, damn, I wish I was a girl sometimes, or damn, boobs would be nice, or damn, I wouldn’t mind doing him. And these are things I’ve kinda always thought for years, but dismissed them as being just random musings. It hasn’t been til 2 months ago that I started…trying things…and finally realized the reasons I kept thinking some girl’s outfit was super cute, or that I really didn’t mean 'no homo’ when I said I’d let that attractive guy do me.

In case it wasn’t starting to become glaringly obvious, I began to realize that I’m not cisgendered or heterosexual after all.

I started trying on girl clothes. Started using makeup and wearing wigs. Started shaving my body. Started walking and talking different, started to really mean it when I said I could be with a guy if I wanted to. And it all feels right to me. That’s not to say there aren’t still times I don’t feel like a guy. Quite the opposite, there’s still many times I feel male. But now I finally feel…justified to myself…to let my more feminine qualities shine through when the situation calls for it. I don’t always feel female…but now I don’t always feel male either. There are even times I feel neither, or both. There are times when I’m fine with having a dick and times when I feel like it shouldn’t be there at all. Times when I love how I look and times when I wish I looked completely different. Times when I felt at peace with what I am and times I thought I’d never be happy. Eventually it all started to piece together for me.

Go figure, I ended up being exactly what Jazz is:

Pansexual and genderfluid.

So there. I finally said it. I’m officially no longer straight. At least not on Tumblr. This is the only place I’m coming out to for now. I wish with all my heart I could come out everywhere else but…I just can’t. Not yet anyway. I don’t know how my workplace would handle it, and I’m still all kinda new to this and these feelings. And my family? Christ, my family barely comprehends my OCD, how would I even BEGIN to throw supposedly foreign ideas of gender and sexuality into the mix? I mean, my mom is fantastic ( and I should really let her know that more often) and she loves me and my sister to death, and I know for a fact that that she would most likely accept and love me for what I was no matter what…but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still terrified to say anything. Not to mention Coming Out Day is the same day as my dad’s death, and I didn’t want to add to that either I guess…I know I’ll come out everywhere else eventually, just not right now. Not yet anyway. I just need to at least come out somewhere, have some place where I don’t feel the need to hide what I’m becoming. What better place than here?

Now some of you may be offended by all of this. Some of you may unfollow me. Some of you may claim I’m only doing this to copy Jazz or some bullshit like that. Some of you may not know how to view me anymore. And some of you just might not even care. But guess what?

I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.

Life’s too fucking short - and while I may still recently be in the throes of discovering who/what I am gender wise/sexually, and while I may be going my own slow pace at outing myself, at least I’m headed somewhere, and I’m slowly but surely getting over my fears of being 100% me, in and out. So to those of you wanting nothing else to do with me after this, if that’s how you feel, you should’ve never followed me in the first place.

To those who do still plan on sticking around after all of this, thank you. It means the world to me. Whether we really talk or not, it’s a small show of support in my eyes, and that’s all I’d ask of anyone. I’ve been shaking with fear and anticipation just typing up all of this alone. Knowing that there are people out there who support others in these situations are what reassures me that there’s still hope for this world.

And to the few IRL friends I have on here (you all know who you are), I truly hope all of this doesn’t change your opinion of me and that we can still hang out and be friends and have good times together, as sappy as that all sounds.

Well, there you have it. I’m out (on Tumblr for now). I, Eric, am proud to say that I am pansexual and genderfluid. I also want to take the time to say to those who stick around that I am totally down to talk whenever, wherever, about anything, provided I’m not at work or something. Like I said earlier, I’m shitty at reaching out to new friends, but I’m always willing to make a new one, and I’d really love to talk to some of you sometime, or answer questions, or just whatever! I love all of you guys for taking the time to stay and follow me, so hit me up whenever if you feel like it!

And Jazz - thank you so much for sticking by me through all of this, and for all these years and those to come. Thank you for being my better half and picking me up when I fall. And thank you for showing me that we all have a choice to be whatever we want or need to be, inside and out. I love you so much.

And I love all of you guys too.

Kinda what it means to be pan, right? ;)

Til then, keep being awesome everyone. <3

-Alt