I WAS SO CLOSE TO HIM HE SANG TO ME

Jean Jacket (Calum Hood)

okay, listen, this

FUCKED ME UP

so 

-

You stood down by the stage in the closed off area, security making sure you were safe. Calum was currently at his mic, about to sing his verse in Waste The Night, with his eyes glued to yours. His jean jacket hung loosely on his shoulders and arms. The scratch in your voice. You smiled at him as your heart filled. He smiled into the next line. Leaves me no choice. Goosebumps rose on your skin. Chills caressed your spine. And I won’t give up. Your body was done. Completely his by now, as you sang along the last line. And I can’t give up. Your face held the brightest smile Calum had ever seen. You loved watching the boys perform that song, being that it was written for you.

After the show and the final bow, security led you backstage where Calum would end up once he left the stage. Once you saw just the curls on his head turn the corner, you began making your way over, and his already smiling features grew brighter when he noticed you. He opened his arms and you took his offer, wrapping your arms around his waist and breathing in his scent from his chest as he buried his face in your hair.

“Hey, baby. I missed you,” he breathed out, still a bit out of breath from performing.

“I missed you, too, bub. You did great out there.” You lifted your head from his chest to look at him, making sure your bodies were still pressed together all the while. “You smell good, too. Even though you’re all sweaty and shit.”

He let out a laugh, “Thanks. You still smell as good as you did the last time I saw you last month. But, now it reminds me of an airport full of sad people.”

“Ha ha. So funny. Want me to change your mind later about what my scent reminds you of?”

Getting your drift, he smirked, “Why not now? Meet me in the bathroom in the dressing room.”

“Eager, huh? Well, I’m gonna miss your scent if I let you go right now.”

He released you from his embrace and slipped off his jean jacket to place it around your shoulders. You smiled, satisfied, and turned to follow his earlier instructions. Abruptly, he grabbed your wrist and spun you back around into a needy kiss before pulling away and spinning you back around to do what you were about to do. Laughing at his cheesiness, you began walking away again, feeling a quick grab at your ass before you were too far from his reach.

Still walking away, you looked back, getting a glimpse of his mischievous face, and called out, “You’re gonna pay for that.”

And later on, he did end up paying for that. He also fucked you while all you had on was that jean jacket.

SBUK day 2

so bear with me, i’m going to try and write down as much as i can remember right now!

today was hands down the best day of my life. it started with seeing sean maguire at his panel which was amazing cause we were so close to the front! he was hilarious, as i had hoped and expected, and he came out with some amazing things. someone asked him what robin’s pet name for regina would be, and he said ‘magic knickers’! he also sang a bit of bare necessities and said that if he could name peanut he would name her douglas :’).

straight after that, it was lana’s photo. me, @evilregaler and @lanaparrillasbooty were all together and we were freaking the fuck out. i was shaking so much and i could feel that i was going to cry, i just wanted to keep it together for the photo. the first thing i noticed about lana is how tiny she is :’) which i knew would cause problems cause i’m nearly 6ft! so our photo didn’t turn out the best but i was just so overwhelmed that i actually met her! she was so so sweet and GORGEOUS! i don’t remember much of what i said to her but i remember her saying ‘thank you, bye!’ and me thinking holy shit her voice is HEAVEN. i went back into the main hall and had a bit of a breakdown.

then it was meghan and beverley’s panel, which i honestly don’t remember much of cause i was going between staring at meghan cause she’s so damn beautiful, and still crying over lana :’) but i remember beverely singing at the end which was so good! she’s one amazing woman!

then it was bex’s photo which turned out to be my favourite photo of the day (i will probably post it later). i was brave enough to ask for a hug and at first it was like a little hug but then bex full on grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug and i said happy birthday to her and she said 'thank you sweetheart!’ and i died because she is just a blessing.

after that it was bex’s panel which omg was HILARIOUS. YOU GUYS BEX IS FUCKING FUNNY. she’s so mesmerising, i couldn’t take my eyes off her and she sang too! she sang part of your world from the little mermaid. it was also bex’s birthday today so at the end of her panel, all of the cast that were there came onto the stage along with bex’s fiancé and we all sang her happy birthday! (it’s on lana’s snapchat!!)

next it was sean’s photo which was a cute experience cause sean is a beautiful man and wooooooah did he smell good! i wasn’t freaking out too much with him and i put my around him and he pulled me in for a hug and i said nice to meet you, thank you! and he stroked my back and said 'thank you lovely!’ I DIED

then came my QUEENS panel, miss lana parrilla. bless her, she still had a sore toe and was upset that she couldn’t wear the outfit she had planned to wear because nothing went with her 'jesus sandals’ :’) i took lots of beautiful photos of her, you guys she looked STUNNING. OUT OF THIS WORLD BEAUTIFUL. we were still sat close to the front which meant we got a really good view of her and i fell more in love with her than ever. she was really inclusive and kept standing up so she could see everybody. AND SHE SANG TOO! EVERYONE SANG AT THIS CON! she sang poor unfortunate souls and then someone at the back shouted out 'your momma’s so fat’ and lana instantly started rapping yo mama :’)

AND THEN IN THE LOBBY DURING LUNCH WE SAW SEAN AND BEVERLEY AND GIANCARLO AND THEN WE WERE JUST WAITING AROUND AND LANA AND BEX CAME OUT AND WALKED RIGHT PAST US LIKE LITERALLY A FOOT AWAY FROM US AND LOOKED ME RIGHT IN THE EYES AND SAID HI AND SMILED AND I DIED RIGHT THERE MY SOUL WENT TO HEAVEN

after lunch, @evilregaler and i had a bit of a spontaneous moment and ended up buying a duo photo op, i got a lana and bex one and holy shit it was amazing. i was feeling more confident now that i’d seen them a few times so i went up and asked for a hug and they both went 'sure!’ and wrapped their arms around me and lana’s hand was on my shoulder and i lowkey was dying. i was shaking still quite a lot and bex must have felt it cause she rubbed me on the back loads and looked me in the eyes and said 'thank you darling, i’ll see you later’ HASHTAG BLESSED.

then it was the autos which were interesting. we got everyone’s apart from meghans because she left as we were still queuing for bex’s. we went to lana first obvs and i somehow managed to get words out and tell her how the show and regina and ultimately her had brought me and @evilregaler together, and she said 'aww, really?’ and then looked up at us and did that cute little emotional smile she does!!! and i think she said something like 'i’m really glad’ but by that point i was dead so i don’t remember exactly :’)

sean’s auto was lovely, he is such a sweetheart and i spoke to him about what it was like to be back home in the uk and he said he was loving it and loving the con. we got giancarlo’s auto too and he was really really sweet. i told him about how i had recently started watching breaking bad and how i was looking forward to seeing him in it and he seemed really humbled by that and was so nice to me :)

then we got bex’s auto which was fun and it was cute cause she took a while to write my name cause she was checking each letter to make sure she spelt it right :’) i asked her if she’d had a good time at the con and she said it had been amazing and she’d had the best time. lastly we went and got beverley’s auto and she was lovely too. she asked @evilregaler who her favourite person she met today was and she said lana and then beverely agreed and said lana is amazing. oh, and half way through the autos, fred walked into the room and my first reaction was to practically shout 'alfredo!’ :’)

and then there was the last panel with sean, meghan and giancarlo and SEAN SANG LIKE HE PROPERLY SANG AND IVE NEVER HEARD HIM SING LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I WANTED TO CRY HIS VOICE IS AMAZING OMG BEST END TO THE DAY YOU GUYS

i’ve probably missed a lot out of this but holy fucking god what a beautiful day!!! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD MEET LANA EVER AND NOW I HAVE AND SHE WAS EVERYTHING I HOPED SHE WOULD BE AND MORE AND YEAH I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW!

omg y’all

did i have that date with the guy who was super into mad max before or after i came back to tumblr (i remember talking about it on plurk but idk about here??)

like okay i had this tinder date with this guy who was SUPER NERVOUS because i was his first tinder date ever, but he was quirky and funny and our senses of humor were basically identical and he cosplayed mad max and showed me pictures and he sang and i wound up letting him drive me elsewhere because i really liked him and i made a comment about his driving and he just

leans over real close and says “don’t worry, you’re riding with a war boy” and i swear to god i almost made out with him right there but

we wound up back at his place later for the most literal netflix and chill possible, it was so innocent and low key it was literally just watching sitcoms and inuyasha and yelling at it

ANYWAY i kept trying to see him again (this was like back in january) and he kept having no money and told me we’d go out when he started getting paid at his new job, and then i never heard from him again, considered him ghosted, yelled in despair, and got on with my life

re-installed snapchat today, 3 months later, and we’ve been snapping all day???

even though he hates snapchat???

IS HE BACK OMFG IM SO EXCITED :’)

instagram

So last night I saw Father John Misty in Philly and I was blown away! I felt so happy because I was lucky enough to be able to hold hands with him during I Love You, Honeybear. I had one goal that night which was to hold his hand during that song at least once and I ended up touching him more than once. During the song he knelt down and I reached far out over the shoulder of this taller guy and he grabbed my hand first and sang to me then everyone else’s hands piled on top but my hand was gripped by him and I was so happy and throughout the whole song he kept coming out into the audience so we could touch him. It was truly a special moment when he first grabbed my hand and it made my night! He put on a great show and the energy was so high and fun that we were dancing, singing, and screaming all night. I was so lucky to be super close to him at the super crowded sold out show that I almost didn’t get to go to! He is such an inspirational person and his songs really speak to me and he is super talented. #fatherjohnmisty #fjm (at The Fillmore Philadelphia)

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Na na na na, oh oh
Na na na na, oh oh
Na na na na, oh oh

When the leader of the bad guys sang,
Something soft and soaked in pain,
I heard the echo from his secret hideaway,
He must’ve forgot to close his door,
As he cranked out those dismal chords,
And his four walls declared him insane.

I found my way,
Right time, wrong place,
As I pled my case.

You’re the judge, oh no, set me free,
You’re the judge, oh no, set me free,
I know my soul’s freezing,
Hell’s hot for good reason, so please, take me.

Na na na na, oh oh
Na na na na, oh oh
Na na na na, oh oh

Three lights are lit but the fourth one’s out,
I can tell ‘cause it’s a bit darker than the last night’s bout,
I forgot about the drought of light bulbs in this house,
So I head out, down a route I think is heading south,

But I’m not good with directions and I hide behind my mouth,
I’m a pro at imperfections and I’m best friends with my doubt,
And now that my mind’s out, and now I hear it clear and loud,
I’m thinking, “Wow, I probably shoulda stayed inside my house.”

I found my way,
Right time, wrong place,
As I pled my case.

You’re the judge, oh no, set me free,
You’re the judge, oh no, set me free,
I know my soul’s freezing,
Hell’s hot for good reason, so please,

I don’t know if this song is a surrender or a revel,
I don’t know if this one is about me or the devil.

I don’t know if this song is a surrender or a revel,
I don’t know if this one is about me or the devil.

You’re the judge, oh no, set me free, oh no
You’re the judge, oh no, set me free, oh no
I know my soul’s freezing,
Hell’s hot for good reason, so please,

Na na na na, oh oh
Na na na na, oh oh
Na na na na, oh oh
Na na na na, oh oh
(You’re the judge, oh no, set me free)
Na na na na, oh oh
(You’re the judge, oh no, set me free)
Na na na na, oh oh
(You’re the judge, oh no, set me free)
(Josh Dun!)
(You’re the judge, oh no, set me free)

—  The Judge - Twenty One Pilots
My Navy Man

He wore camo pants, and so did I, we decided to match when we meet. It was goofy and right away I liked him. We played minigolf and joked with each other the entire time. He took me to Applebees. We sat next to eachother at a booth. He started prayer before we ate and I’ve never heard a man do that before. He kept complimenting me as we ate and I sang along to the oldies playing on the radio. He reached for my hand and all of a suddon he was so close. Within minutes I felt like I’ve known him forever, but this was only our first date. He gazed at my eyes and pulled me in for a kiss. Right in the middle of Applebees we shared our first kiss like a couple of teenagers. I’ve always hated PDA before but today it felt magical. He wouldn’t let go of me and would randomly kiss my hand or cheak. Afterwards we walked through Walmart making little jokes and stopping to hold each other in the isles. We went back to the mini golf parling lot and sat in the back of his car in each others arms. We talked, about everything, and felt no shame. I felt like I could trust him with anything. We stayed like that till 3 in the morning. I didn’t want to let go. He goes back on active duty in a week. How will I live everyday without him?

Our day together

I found myself becoming more and more upset with him and I’m sure he had no idea how I’d be when he got here. When he walked in all I could do was throw myself around him. I missed him & nothing could change that.

He was so tired, I could see it, but he was there for me. It was different. He wasn’t on his phone so we chatted a little in the car and during dinner! He made me laugh. He sang his heart out in the car. I wanted to be near him and he drew me in.

Sometimes I can’t tell if he’s annoyed and doesn’t want me all over him. His facial expressions. Sometimes he’ll ask me why I’m so close, but when I move away he pulls me back.

Sometimes he’ll say things, briefly and softly as if it wasn’t for me to hear. I can’t tell if it’s doubt or jealousy. It’s as if he doesn’t know he’s everything to me.

He left and await his arrival. He’s texting me in the meantime, but it’s different. He’s present. His messages are making me smile. I wonder if all of this will last for a while.

I picked Nick up, drove him to his show in New Jersey. Stood there and watched when no one else did. Told him he was great when no one else did. He bombed his set, he was embarrassed. He said, “You’ve been to every single one of my shows, you are such a good friend to me. You know what my music really sounds like.” I know I do. I didn’t make him stay, we left right after the set and I let him talk almost all the way home, leaving some time for me to respond to his words. The only silence was that of us mutually sighing. He played the corniest music, I liked all of it & quietly sang along with him. Neither of us have allowed one another to become close, we are so distanced yet know each other so well. He said, “I feel so ashamed that you fucked fat Nick.” I like every version of Nick. Even the one who fights with me and cried over the phone that one time. “Sara, you are the only person who has told me that its okay to feel things.” I know. We hugged for a long time and he held me tight, I’ll never understand the unknown parts of you in a timely fashion. The version of me you fucked, she is so long gone. Its funny, you even told me that yourself. You recognize the abandonment of a longer haired Sara. I’m so ashamed thats the me you got to know, me at the epitome of my depression. In the car, I told you I wasn’t sure we were friends, you told me I was wrong. I’m still not sure I am.