You are so lucky if you have someone with a broken heart, untouched for years, loving you.

Keep them safe.

—  excerpt from a book I will never write #81
What are you supposed to do when you are falling in love with someone, and your whole body is being drained. What are you supposed to do when you feel yourself losing your sanity because you feel so empty by the end of the day. How are you supposed to explain how you feel to someone who feels no where close to how you feel about them. I’m loosing myself trying to love him. I’m losing my sanity, because I’m so caught up with him. I wait by my phone, waiting for another text, and it’s never quite fast enough. I feel like I care more, I feel like I want this more, and I feel like he doesn’t give a fuck what happens to us. I feel like i bother him constantly, I feel like I annoy him every time I overreact. I feel like he’s soon going to get sick of my uncertainty of myself. Eventually he’s going to forget the reasons why he ever fell for me in the first place. I’m waiting for this heart break to come, just like our over due earth quake.
It’s fucking pathetic that after so long, I still would do anything for you to want me again.
God, I fucking miss you so much. It hits me randomly during the day. I’m with people who actually care about me, laughing, smiling, being happy and then out of nowhere it hits me that you left. You left and it didn’t even hurt you. Not talking to me isn’t even fucking hurting you, because I was just another girl to you. I was just another one of your fucking toys.
—  How could I be so stupid?
It wasn’t his sweet smile or his confident posture. It wasn’t his irresitible laughter or his calming voice. It was his beautiful eyes and the way he looked at me, the way he stared at me, the way he made me feel.
—  Do you believe in love at first sight?
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. The way we used to laugh together and the great times we had. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life, but I always thought you were one of the few who would. But now I see why you had to leave. The universe had it planned out. After one great thing left, which was you. A billion new amazing things came into my life. I’ll admit it, when I hear your name or see you in the hallway I get a little bit sad. But I’m actually happy without you, I never thought I would be able to say it.
—  12 am thoughts