I NEED THERAPY

I have an obsession with being other people’s favorite. I want to be their favorite student, favorite associate, favorite friend, favorite person. I want to be the first person they think about when planning a trip. I need them to want me next to them.
—  zt
A List Of Things Cashiers Wish They Could Say To Customers

1. Lazy bitch, please take your cart/basket back where you got it.

2. If you decide you don’t want something, fucking take it back yourself.

3. I don’t care how ridiculous you think it is that you need to show me your ID. 

4. No, I clearly don’t work here (as I wear a name tag with the company name on it)

5. Don’t reach over my fucking register.

6. Thanks for eating your un-purchased banana while you were shopping.

7. If you want $100 cash back, please go to the bank that’s 10 feet away.

8. So you decided not to put your produce in a plastic bag? Do you want me to tell you the last time this belt was thoroughly cleaned?

9. Don’t. Steal. My. Fucking. Pen.

10. If you’re going to pay with a check,…. wait…. what year is it?

11. My manager will tell you the same exact thing I just did.

12. The Guest Services desk is closed? Oh, that means the Guest Services desk is closed.

13. For the love of god, tell your kid to stop screwing around.

14. I don’t know what the fuck your asking about.

15. I fucking know what this is, I’m just looking for the damn PLU#.

16. “15 Items or less” means “15 items or less.”

17. “Hi, how are you?” “Plastic.” No.

18. If I don’t have a bagger, that means you should help me bag your shit.

19. If you put your money or coupons on my belt, they will definitely end up in the dirty tray under the counter.

20. If there’s somebody else’s stuff on the belt, use a god damn barricade to separate your shit from their’s.

21. Don’t tell me you have the change once I’ve already opened my fucking cash drawer.

22. Don’t ask me to throw away your trash when there’s at least twelve million trash cans around the fucking store.

23. If the product you got doesn’t match the coupon exactly, it will not work.

24. If your coupon expired twenty years ago, it will not work.

25. I could honesty give less of a shit if you found everything alright.

Vixx as Pets
  • N: a cute lil guinea pig that loves running around and snuggles next to you and poops in a corner so you won't be bothered by it
  • Ken: a canary that's surprisingly good at picking up the melodies of songs and tweeting it back to you
  • Leo: a black cat that sleeps a lot but will perk up when you have some food for it; it also loves tummy rubs
  • Ravi: a parrot that says its own name whenever it flaps its way into your face
  • Hongbin: the most beautiful fucking fish you've ever seen I mean look at those scales damn
  • Hyuk: a small little puppy that sleeps with his body draped over your face and pees on your crotch so it looks like you did it

What I need, tbh, is a slytherin-hufflepuff friendship, where the slytherin is all cool and badass and fiercely protective of their friends, but never fights for themselves.
And so when they inevitably get bullied for some shit or other, its this sunny, sweet, pure cinnamon roll of a hufflepuff who rolls up their sleeves and turns to the bullies who will see their sorry lives flash in front of their eyes as the puff goes fucking honey badger on their asses.

This picture fucking ruined me

I was seated at school with my friend (who usually listens to me ramble about OnS) and I was describing this picture to her when I suddenly said

“Yuu was in between Mika’s thighs”

And I don’t know whether to cry or laugh at the look on her face as she thought up about something much more explicit

Evolution of a Cockles Shipper:
  1. I’d never ship real people. It’s just silly, inane and disrespectful.
  2. I don’t ship real people, but Cockles are kinda cute. Dumbest ship name ever though.
  3. I don’t ship real people, but WHAT is with those two? SERIOUSLY.
  4. *watches every JIB panel. Twice. Maybe 3 times*
  5. I ship Cockles but not seriously. Just for fun.
  6. *jots down notes for possible Cockles RPF*
  7. Okay, I guess I ship them. But totes on the down-low.
  8. *follows every Cockles blog/group/twitter account*
  9. OMG I really ship them. Assholes.
  10.  *casually drops Cockles references into conversations to flush out other shippers*
  11.  I ship them HARD. Their portmanteau is PERF.
  12.  *Amends blog to reflect that it is now 95% Cockles posts*
  13.  I SHIP THEM SO HARD EVERYTHING IS COCKLES THERE IS NO DESTIEL ONLY COCKLES WHAT IS THIS SORCERY THOSE FUCKERS MAKE ME SO HAPPY MY ENTIRE EMOTIONAL STABILITY IS DEPENDANT ON COCKLES. I. AM. FLAIL. *SOBS INTO PILLOW* “WHY, COCKLES WHYYYYY?”
  14.  Repeat previous step minimum once every 24 hours. Laugh at anyone at steps 2 or 3.