I HAVE A LOT OF FEELS

I want Sally Jackson and Frederick Chase to become friends, them bonding over having powerful demigods as their kids and finally talking to someone who gets it, gets what is to wake up one day, so young, and have your world changed by gods. I want Frederick and Paul talking about teaching and helping Sally with the research for her book; Paul, Sally and Frederick having dinner nights and talking about their kids (because Paul considers Percy his) and drinking wine. 

And then we have Annabeth, who is absolutely over the moon that her dad is flying to NYC to spend time with her, no stepfamily (because they never managed to get close) and she loves seeing her dad interact with Sally and Paul, because they are also her family. She went from being a little girl feeling like she had no one to Sally, Percy and Frederick in the kitchen cooking while she and Paul talks about history and architecture while playing with Baby Blofis. Sally, Paul, Percy, Frederick and Baby Blofis are her family and it’s just makes her so happy to see them together and happy.

“Lost Baggage”: Yuuri and His Emotional Issues

So I was looking at the title card for the end of Episode 9 again, and I started to wonder….what exactly do they mean by “Lost Baggage”? I mean I get that its a reference to airports and travel and blah blah blah, but I know there has a be a deeper meaning here. I think I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities (under the read more so I don’t clog the dashboard)

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I just want to talk about why I have so many feels about this page. Touka and Kaneki have always had a complicated relationship. Touka taking out her aggression on Kaneki when his past involved child abuse. Kaneki lying and leaving Touka behind when she has a fear of abandonment from when she lost her Father. They always make mistakes when it comes to the other, unknowingly hitting on their deepest, most sensitive issues.

But here it’s finally being addressed. 

Touka thinks “… again?” after Kaneki leaves her behind on this mission and tries to protect her when she feels that’s not his place to decide. Just like he did after the Aogiri Arc. Kaneki thinks “… again?” when he questions whether she’ll hit him this time too, after the bridge scene and in the cafe.

And now that they’re going to sit down and talk (assuming they get the chance to because yikes, last time the “we’ll do this when we return from this dangerous mission” thing was brought up, Shirazu DIED) they have the chance to tell each other this and actually communicate their feelings for once! Tell the other what is wrong so they can work on fixing their mistakes and clear the tension between them. I really hope this is the case because this is what I’ve been needing from them for so long. We know they both care about each other, and that they’re both important to one another, but it’s always been a case of this giant wall between them, built up of their own issues, that keeps pushing them away. I hope this is a chance for both of them to grow and to apologise for hurting one another

*Eminem plays in the background* Guess who’s back 🎵

No, let’s get serious. Where do I even start …? First of all I wanna let @murderous-manipulative-angel know that of course I accept her apology. We’re all happy about peace, and I’m very glad that we’ll have alil more of it now. We unblocked each other. We talked to each other. That’s a good thing.

I also wanna apology myself for all this truely emberessing bullshit I’ve wrote. I’m so fucking sorry that I’ve spammed all your dash with me being whiny over life … I’m usually not a person who talk about personal stuff publicly. The last weeks sucked and I took a break to calm myself a lil. After this I was coming here and what happened just felted like a slap in the face. But I shouldn’t had reacted like this, I should’ve reacted calm and eloquent like 24 years old humans should react in situations like this. But wait, that’s the point: We’re all humans. So it’s completely normal and okay to get overwhelmed sometimes, or to get angry. It’s not good to swallow everything, sometimes it just need to be burst out. Just not in a way like I did XD Let’s face it: There will always be hate out there, no matter in which form. But there’s also SO MUCH LOVE. I forgot about that a few days ago, but some angels remembered me that it exists and how it feels. @monroeisabadass for example, my darling, who was there for me all the time, listened to me, and made me smile again. @harleyrotten, @jokers-dream-car, ​@mrjandmrshq, @harlzquinzel, @clowns-of-gotham, @donnajosee, @ma-ph, @joker-x-harley @rottenqvinzel, @doublebubblediscoquinn, @jsupers, and so, so many other ppl who had wrote me such heart-warming stuff that I seriously had a few tears rolling down my face.

There are a lot of messages in my inbox that make me feel so happy! I just think it’s better to not post them, ‘cause I don’t wanna let those events have a kinda comeback … I apology to all the sweet anons and everyone who took an actual part of their life time to send me so much love and positivity, this means so damn fucking much to me. I’m sure you all understand why I’m not gonna post your messages, BUT please know that they reached not only my inbox but also my heart!! NO I’m NOT gonna cry again!! (╥_╥)

This is not really important, but my favourite singer once called his twitter account HateWillNotWin, after Trump made it … XD We shouldn’t let hate win and take over our fandoms. These are lil communitys where we escape to enjoy the stuff we love, ‘cause all of us have enough problems to deal with in the life outside tumblr. I’ll always fight against hate, but I won’t fight hate with hate. This would just keep this endless loop of hate.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I’m better and I’m back! ♥♥♥

💗 💙 💗 THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING 💗 💙 💗

Even and Mental Illness

The reason I’ve really hated on theories about Even being mentally ill was because I could tell that many of the people coming up with these theories were not aware of what mental illness truly means. I felt like many people coming up with these theories thought that if Even was mentally ill we would get more deep conversations, a wistful looking Even, basically the classic romanticized tv version of what mental illness is. 

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Todos luchamos nuestras proprias guerras privadas.”

“We all fight our own private wars.”

Listen. Don’t compare Isak’s reaction to his mother’s mental illness to his (possible) reaction to Even’s.

For one, we don’t know what exactly his mother suffers from, how long it’s been going on, or how Isak has generally reacted to it other than eventually running away because he couldn’t deal with it anymore. When he was sixteen years old. And his father left him alone with her. Which happened in season 1, by the way. So about a year ago. And it wasn’t until late last season, so last spring, that Eskild found him and moved him into the basement. So that situation with his mother is a shitton of responsibility a teenager shouldn’t have/feel like they have. We don’t know if his mother’s seeking treatment. We don’t know what her relationship with Isak is actually like.

What’s more - Isak still reads her texts and he’s clearly conflicted about them. He cares what she thinks of him. He was confrontational to his father when he told him about Even, but he was soft and gentle with his mother. He was trying to word it in a way she would understand/be able to deal with. Isak is not actually handling his mother’s condition badly. Removing himself from a situation that makes him unable to sleep and thus literally physically ill is not a bad thing to do.

And his reaction to Even’s increasing mania was to try and work out what was happening. To see where it went. And when it obviously went south, he tried to do what he could to help immediately. Not only by trying to find Even himself, but by calling his ex-girlfriend. The one person he knows of who might be able to help. That was smart and would’ve been hard even if she hadn’t said all of that fucked up stuff, but Isak did what he could to ensure Even’s safety.

The worst thing that happened to Isak tonight wasn’t Even’s episode, it was what Sonja said. So have a little faith in the little darling, okay? In general, Isak’s reaction to being corrected/called out/confronted with a tough situation (like in the Pride scene with Eskild, or the islam/science ones with Sana), has been to listen and try to understand. Given the chance, there’s no reason to suspect Isak wouldn’t want to be with Even anymore.

tldr: Isak’s mother and Even occupy completely different spots in Isak’s life and his relationship with them is a vital difference in how he might deal with their mental illnesses.

Wish I could turn off that voice that tells me how worthless I am; how I’m not good enough.

Wish I didn’t get so affected by other’s unwarranted anger. Or, disparaging words.

I know they don’t matter. I know they’re not true. Why can my mind not ACCEPT that though? It’s so heartbreaking and painful.

Day 1: Favorite INFINITE Moment

Their “Thank You” performance

It is, hands down, one of my all time favorites.

Why? I’LL TELL YOU WHY.

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Hello, this is the funny/embarrassing story of how I learned I have ADD/ADHD! When I was going to a psychiatrist for something different (clinical depression, that one just runs in my family) and he was like “have you ever been tested for ADD?” and I said no. I always did really well in school growing up, so no one had ever thought to do so.

So we do a few tests. One in particular involved super boring repetitive attention drills, like clicking a specific shape or at a specific time or something, I can’t remember the specifics. Like it was purposefully designed to be boring and unmemorable. And it would record your reaction time, your accuracy, and your head movements while you’re doing the test.

My doctor came back with the results later like “Okay, so the green ones are the ones you did well on, yellow is not so good, and red are the ones you missed. You did well at the beginning–” and he showed me like this long stream of green with some yellow “started to lag a little in the middle” and there was a lot of yellow “and I’m not sure what happened here” and it was just like all red and yellow.

I thought about it, and then I had to confess, “I was reading the sign on the wall about how the test works.”

And he was like. “Yeah, that would do it.”

I also apparently went totally off the radar, movement-wise, at one point, and I’m pretty sure I was looking for something in my purse, though rn I can’t for the life of me remember what.

He…actually asked me, in the politest terms possible, how I’d ever even graduated high school, much less gone to the college I had and it was just like “uhhh sheer force of will??” which is basically the answer I always give to how I got through this much with all my health problems. (Note: he said it was also possible that I do have ADD/ADHD but the reason it’s so severe is because I do have actual things distracting me, like nausea and pain, which is why I can’t concentrate for shit. But judging by my chattiness, there is also probably just like straight up ADHD in there, too. He didn’t want to make a hard diagnosis because my situation was kind of weird.)

Unfortunately, all the meds they tried gave me craaazy tachycardia, and if it was hard to concentrate before, it was straight-up impossible with a resting heart rate of like 129. lol. So now I just make a lot of text posts on social media and bother my followers. Like right now. :x

Hey y'all, idk if it’s a full moon or what, but it seems like a lot of people on my dash are having a rough day/night and I just wanted to tell y'all you can message me whenever, but like obviously most people aren’t actually gonna take that suggestion to heart (which you should, honestly, but it’s understandable) so I’m just gonna encourage y'all to make it through today/night or however long this weird feeling lasts. Also, if it’s any help, there’s definitely a dog somewhere that would love you more than you’ll ever know so there’s that to lift your spirits

still very hopeful that Hide is alive because honestly I would be so disappointed bc there’s so much that he can do and I want to see him do more and it would be so?? unfair??? if Hide??? was already gone??????

Many voices feel silenced today

(If you ridicule me and/or this comic, you’re only proving my point)