I HATE HIM SO MUCH

What Wrath means: You’re not under the obligation of making sure people are comfortable around you when you’re already struggling with your feelings and/or past experiences. You should let them know you’re uncomfortable with something they say or do and if they are upset with/rude to you instead of understanding and working towards not doing it again in the future, then they aren’t worth your time and consideration at all.

What Wrath says: alternatively, ya can always kill em.

4

Gideon Gleeful is totally not 9, and is actually a vampire

Let’s have a look at the evidence

  • When Dipper and Mabel went back in time in the episode Blendin’s Game, they landed in Gravity Falls ten years ago.If Lil’ Gideon was 9, he wouldn’t have been born yet, but here we see him in his stroller with Bud and Mrs. Gleeful
  • So definitely existing at a time when he should not technically exist, if he was 9 as he is generally accepted to be. It should also be noted that here he’s sporting his present-day hair, and not the tiny baby hair that’s depicted in the “just had a baby demon” sign above. What else are the Gleefuls lying to us about? And why lie about his hair? Maybe he isn’t really a baby at all? 

  • The sign itself is pretty suspicious. We’re meant to take it as a joke, but Gravity Falls has used jokes to mask clues in the past and I wouldn’t put it past them to do it again.

  • Stan says specifically, “Ever since that monster Gideon rolled into town, I’ve had nothing but trouble.”

  • I mean there’s an obvious connection there with “monster” but ALSO CONSIDER: Why would Grunkle Stan say that Gideon “rolled into” town if Gideon had been born there, as we’ve been lead to believe? Why wouldn’t he just say ever since he was born? Conclusion: he wasn’t born there. He “rolled in” from somewhere else.

  • Gideon parallels the vampire from the “Widdlest Wampire” advertisement from the end screen of Into the Bunker really really well. The “widdlest wampire” is pulling a really similar face and pose to the one Gideon uses to get his audience to go “aw”, the ad is the the ONLY non-Gideon use of the word “widdle” in all of Gravity Falls, and the first time we see Gideon he’s also wearing a cape.
  • Throughout all of the episodes in which Gideon appears, no one ever once refers to him as a kid. BudGleeful and Lil Gideon himself both refer to him as a “boy”, but even they havenever referred to him as a child. Dipper refers to him as a kid, but Dipper hasn’tbeen in Gravity Falls long enough to know otherwise. He also thought Gideon didn’t have any powers and like two scenes later was proven wrong about that.

  • Gideon has five fingers on each hand just as the adults in Gravity Falls do. When asked at 2013 SDCC why Gideon has five fingers while the rest of the children have only four, Alex Hirsch refused to respond on the grounds that the answer was too spoilery.

  • In the episode Dreamscaperers, the movie everyone’s watching right after Lil Gideon tries to steal the deed to the Mystery Shack called Grandpa the Kid. Y’know, like an old person posing as a kid. 
  • Gideon talks like an old man. In Hand the Rocks the Mabel he refers to Dipper as “boy” and uses big words that even Grunkle Stan has to comment on. Also in the same episode he gets winded after a very short dance. You know who else gets winded after light physical activity? Old people. Also his hair is white like an old man’s and he also dresses like an old man, as well.

  • Bud Gleeful defers to him as if he was actually Gideon’s son and not the other way around, and Mrs. Gleeful is downright terrified of him.

  • This tiny representation of Gideon has pitch-black demon eyes.
  • Gideon being a vampire makes the entire “Mabel wishing for a vampire boyfriend” plot in Tourist Trapped thousands of times more ironic and more mind-blowing on the rewatch and let’s be real here that’s totally something Alex Hirsch would do on purpose.

  • Furthermore if Lil Gideon is actually a REALLY OLD VAMPIRE, then the episode title Hand that Rocks the Mabel  is a reference to a really creepy movie about someone trying to steal a baby, called “hand that rocks the cradle”. Stealing a baby sounds a lot like “cradle robbing” which urban dictionary defines as dating someone who is MUCH MUCH younger than you. Which actually makes sense to the plot of the episode, when you factor in that GIDEON IS REALLY REALLY OLD.


TL;DR: The only conclusion I can come to here is that Gideon is a really old vampire who wants to make Mabel his vampire queen for some reason.

Reminder that when Harry James Potter was given more accurate instructions and a competent and supportive potions professor he made a perfect batch of an extremely complicated potion on the first try

Which makes sense since his mother was great at potions and the Potters were literally potioneers

But hey Snape did all he could and had to keep up appearances right?