I AM MILES FROM BEING OKAY

When my college professor asked me to describe what love means, I wrote that it can’t be defined, or described merely by words. But by experiences and actions. Love is when you stay up until 3 am not speaking, but holding the one you are in love with. Feeling their pain, helping them conquer their fears, being there. Even if you only get an hour of sleep and your eyes are heavy and burning, you don’t let it matter to you, because all that matters is that that they are okay, that they are safe in your arms. Love is when my boyfriend moved thousands of miles away from the only home he ever knew, just to stay with me while I went through recovery. Love is when your are tired and aching from working all day but you rush home, not to lay down, but to make sure everyone else in your home is fed and happy and healthy. Love is my dad holding my hand in the hospital for seven hours even though he has to work the next day, to be there through the worst panic attack of my life. Love is when my mom gave up her youth and parties and boys and teen years, to be a dedicated mother to me. Love is when I call my best friend in the middle of the night, and she just listens while I cry and cry over my broken heart. Love is when my step-father took in the two year old me, and loved and supported me and always treated me like his own. Love is when I couldn’t eat or speak or sleep or function or fucking breathe, because I thought I had lost the love of my life. Love is staying by someone’s side for three years, fighting for them through heartache and pain and addiction and demons and depression and screaming and horror, and still seeing someone you could never imagine a life without. Love is when you feel what they feel, someone’s pain and agony , stress and passion. Love is self-less, imperfect, horrifying, raw, beautiful and fucking real.
—  There is so many definitions of love. //p.s
5

10 mile run @ sunrise 🌞✔️

This morning’s run felt great; Aside from being annoyed that I had to get up when my alarm went off at 4:50AM in order to get all 10 miles done before work and school.

As always, it took about 3 miles for my body to warm up and get into my natural motion. That’s okay tho because when we (my roommate and I) started our run at 5:15AM it was still pitch black out. So, we took to the streets instead of the bike path because there was more light. I am always really cautious (and slower) when running on the sidewalk because I don’t want to twist my ankle on a curb or crack.

After the first 3 miles, I was cruisinnnnn’ 😎
Enjoy these gorgeous pictures of the sunrise from Iowa! 🌅🌞

anonymous asked:

It's 12:19 am and I am thinking about how I wasted two years of my life being in love with a a guy who is a thousand miles away from me, who treated me like shit at times, and put so much light in my life at times, and I always forgave him but I am starting to realize he never really loved me and always gave up on me when I never gave up on him and it kind of breaks my heart. I hope you're doing okay tonight

Instead of thinking you wasted two years of your life being in love with someone, try taking something positive out of your experience. He may treated you like crap sometimes, but like you said, he put so much light in your life at times. Not everyone you’re going to have a relationship (any form of relationship) with is going to be as strong as you are to not give up. It’s okay to be heartbroken, but don’t let it consume you. You’re a strong person and continue to be the same loving and caring person you are. Don’t let what happen/how he treated you change you. Try to forgive him for how he’s been because it’s so much easier than holding all that shit in. I hope you’re doing okay. You deserve someone who loves you just as much and won’t give up on you and you’ll find that person one day ❤

Life is funny, you know? The way things happen and the timing of everything are just very strange to me. These past couple of days have been very challenging for me, and so far, I haven’t broken down from it all. I have my small moments of anxiety that sneak up on me, but I remind myself why this is important for me, and I’m able to calm down. I desperately needed to get out of my house and away from home, and I can’t believe I actually did it. I love home, but I’m so happy to be away from all the negativity I would have to deal with on daily basis. Being 1,500 miles away is sort of comforting and it blows my mind that I am completely okay with it.