I AM MILES FROM BEING OKAY

(I’ve never written in POV before. So bare with me. But this is in Dracos POV)
I woke with a jolt. Harry fucking Potters face swam around in my mind. As it usually did.
Curse him and his perfection.
I thought I was pretty subtle with liking him through Hogwarts. But after the war, as we returned to Hogwarts for our 8th year, the first thing Pansy asked me was
“Now that that’s over are you finally gonna ask Potter out?”
I was taken aback by that and asked her what she meant.
“Well you’ve basically been eye-fucking him since first year. We’re all waiting for you to come out”
That made my pale complexion tint pink. “Uh.. I’m.. Uh.. I… Bisexual..” Is all I managed to croak out before going to hideaway in the library. Soon the whole school knew about my bisexuality.
Ever since we came back to Hogwarts, he’s been distant from his friends, every time I looked at him he looked tense.
I get that he just beat the biggest dark lord there is. And that’s definitely grounds of tension. But he just seemed so… Out of it.
It was breakfast. But it was still really early though, so not many people were here. I’m an early riser so I was.
And to my surprise so was the trio over at the gryffindor table. I got distracted and embarrassed when Harry looked over at me and oh-so-gracefully tripped over my own foot walking to the slytherin table.
My cheeks must have been bright red.
I started picking at my food. I could hear Granger and Weasel arguing. As usual.
I glanced over at Harry was.. Wait no. He’s Potter. Potter was looking more and more annoyed by the second.
“If I wanted to sit here and listen to your bickering I’d become your fucking marriage counsellor” he said.
I snorted. It wasn’t until Harr-Potters confused eyes landed on me that I realized I’d actually laughed at what he said.
Shit.
Now he knows.
I quickly downed my pumpkin juice and clumsily got up, blushing bright pink and run/walking out of the great hall. I made my way down to the slytherin common room to gather my things for potions.
Potions.
Shit.
I have that with him.
I mentally groaned.
Or maybe it wasn’t mentally. Because Pansy looking at my curiously.
“What?!” I spat.
“N-nothing” she shook her head.
I sighed and sat down, running a hand through my hair.
I looked around to make sure nobody was there and sighed. “Can I talk to you about.. Uhm… You know… Uh.. That person” I looked at her.
Her face noticeably softened and she nodded. “What happened?”
“Okay so basically I went to breakfast kinda early which.. Curse you for not being there…” I glared at her. “And I don’t really know if I meant to but I was listening to his conversation with Weasley and Granger and I.. He looked so..” I stopped to smile slightly. “..distracted” I didn’t even realize the sound of my voice until pansy smiled at me.
“You’re drooling. And you sound like you’re dreaming” she laughed.
“Shut up” I rolled my eyes. “Anyways. He said something kinda snarky I guess. And I laughed. And it was kinda loud… And he looked at me… And I got embarrassed because now he knows. I mean right? Why else would I listen to his conversation.” I was looking ahead.
Before Pansy could answer there was a hesitant knock on the door.
I looked at her. She wasn’t moving.
I sighed and got up to get it. I walked to the slytherin door and opened it to see none other than him there.
I blushed. “Yes?” I asked.
“C-c-can I talk to you? L-like not now. Because we h-have to go to class. But uh.. Like maybe, uhm. After Potions? In the uh.. Astronomy tower?” He stuttered.
He was so cute. I realized I was staring and quickly averted my eyes. “Uh.. Why me?” I blushed.
He shrugged with a soft smile.
I smiled back. “Okay”
And then he was gone. With a couple glanced back at me.
I grinned like a 13 year old girl who was lovesick.
Now I couldn’t wait for Potions to be over.
In Potions, he sat across from me, so we could both see each other.
Every time he’s write something, he’d glance up at me. But I was already looking at him.
He always smiled. He didn’t look weirded out.
I always smiled back.
“Draco” said Blaise beside me.
“Hmm?” I hummed dreamily.
“Stop staring.” He whispered.
I smiled a bit. “Okay” and started taking notes. Still glancing up every now and then to look at his concentrating face.
God. He’s adorable.
After potions I practically ran to slytherin to check my appearance. I looked decent enough. I ran a hand through my hair and listened my tie a bit, before heading up to the astronomy tower, casually.
Nobody was there. I sighed.. Maybe this was a joke.
It wouldn’t surprise me.
“Draco?” A voice called from behind me as I stared out on the courtyard, I was already planning on skipping the rest of my classes, so I was just watching he students until I heard that.
I turned around and smiled softly at Potter. “Potter.” I nodded curtly.
He kicked at the ground.
“Are you alright?” I asked, we had vowed to be nice to each other this year.
Mind-you we haven’t really talked much but still.
Harry merely shrugged.
I tilted my head. “Potter?”
“How did you know you were bi and not gay?” Harry mumbled.
That took my by surprise and my heart sped up. “Well I’m definitely attracted to guys more but I also like girls so.” I smiled softly at him.
He nodded a bit. His cheeks tinted pink and his gaze in the ground.
“Why?” I asked.
He looked up at me. “I uh.. What?” He blushed when he looked up at me.
“Do you want to talk about it? Is that why you asked me? Because I’m bi? You need someone to talk o about this. Someone who’s not your gryffindor friends?” I had boldly taken a few steps forward.
He just nodded.
Hesitantly I reached over and took his hand, bringing him to sit with me. “Then talk. I’ll listen. And you know I’ll be honest with you. I’m not scared to stand up to you, Potter.” I said, causing him to laugh.
Success.
“Well I… Maybe… Uh” I could hear the crack in his voice and I knew he was about to cry.
“It’s okay to cry” I said softly.
I heard him sniffle. “Ginny and I broke up because I wasn’t.. Really.. Interested..” He paused. “But. I didn’t know why. I just couldn’t feel anything with her.” He looked from the ground to me. “That’s when I realized I never really felt anything with a girl before. But there was this on guy.” He rubbed his eyes.
All I wanted was to reach out and kiss his face until I saw that smile. But all I did was nod. Telling him to go on.
“Uhm” his voice cracked. “But it was only this one guy. I-it is only this one guy. So does that make me gay?” He looked at me with hopeful eyes.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Well uhm.. How does he make you feel?” I asked. I didn’t want to know. I wanted Harry. Not some other random ass guy. He’s mine.
“Well he laughs at my jokes.. Even when they aren’t said to him.” He smiled. “Even if he’s far away from me. He still laughs. He has this really adorable smile” I could have sworn Harry’s eyes went from my eyes to my lips briefly. “H-he” he was blushing. “He has really.. Pink lips” now I know I wasn’t imagining it, he was looking at my lips. He was biting his lip.
That made my face go hot. “Does he have a name?” I smiled. My voice was husky.
He nodded. “He does.” He looked from my lips to my eyes.
I nodded. “What is his name?” I asked.
He blushed. “D-Draco Malfoy” he whispered.
I blushed now. “Is that so?” I smirked.
He nodded carefully.
I smiled. “Interesting. Because I think I know him. Quite well actually. And he’s practically been in love with you since second year” I sat back.
His ears turned red and his eyes turned brighter. “Really?” He said barely audible.
“Really.” I smirked.
“Well if he’s been so in love with my why was he such a dick?” Harry asked me.
I laughed. “Well to cover it up of cou-” I was cut off by a pair of hard, chapped lips on mine.
God. This has to be a dream.
I punched myself.
He pulled back and stared at me. “Did you just pinch yourself?” He laughed.
“Shut up and kiss me.” I said, pulling him back down to me.
He straddled my hips as we kissed.
MERLIN, THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
I slowly pulled back from his lips, staring at him with a stupid smile on my face.
Suddenly he looked down and his mile faltered.
“Hey? What’s wrong? Am I a bad kisser?” I laughed.
He shook his head. “It’s not that.” He said, suddenly he was curled up into me and I was holding him close.
“Are you okay?” I asked, holding him tightly.
“What will everyone think of the saviour of the wizarding world being gay and in love with Draco Malfoy?” He asked.
Oh. “Your friends. They don’t know do they..?” I asked
He sighed.
I understood. “We can keep acting like before until you’re ready” I said, rubbing his back.
He looked at me. “You do that for me?”
I smiled and nodded slowly.
So that’s why for the rest of the week, they were curt with each other around others.
“Malfoy! Watch where you’re going!” He shouted at me.
“Whatever, Potter” I said, I had ‘accidentally’ walked into him.
I could see the smile threatening to leave his lips, so I brushed past him and walked to class.
It was dinner time. We were in the great hall.
I kept looking across the room at him, but he wasn’t looking at me.
I bit my lip. He looked sad. Or.. Nervous?
His friends said something and then suddenly he slammed his fists on the table and stood up, walking towards the Slytherin table. He walked right to me and pulled me to stand, then pressed his lips to mine.
I was shocked initially, but slowly put my hand on the small of his back, kissing back.
Everyone gasped, but I didn’t care. And neither did he.
After he pulled back he smiled at me, “I love you.” He whispered.
“I..I..I love you too” I whispered.
He turned from me to look at everyone’s shocked faces. “IM JN LOVE WITH DRACO MALFOY. AND IM GAY AS FUCK” he shouted.
I laughed.
“Mr. Potter. Language!” One of the teachers shouted at him.
I laughed. “Yeah, mister Potter. language” I laughed.
“Shut up!” He laughed and kissed me again.
He was so perfect to me.
In every way.

BTS - Born To Save ARMYs

Since the 4th year anniversary of BTS is approaching, I wanted to do a write up on how BTS has positively influenced millions of people around the world and most importantly mine.I have been an ARMY for over an year almost now and I can’t imagine how I would have hurdled the difficulties without BTS. I knew many ARMYs would think likewise.I am staying thousands of miles away from my family and friends, and this world isn’t easy for introverts. Being a hyper introvert, I found it difficult to get on with the daily aspects of my life. what may seem as a  regular chores to others felt like a worst nightmare to me. However, my only salvation was BTS, Precisely, their music made me feel that it’s okay to be who you really are, The thing which makes BTS really stand out is their bold approaches to address social stigmas and speak out the unspeakable issues. Pretty much every music you listen is all about love, relationships and heartbreaks or ideas pertaining to what can lead you to joyous carefree life. But you and I know that life is beyond those fanatic illusions. It is about suffering, fighting yourself and the world. The agony is never ending. All we need is a streak of light to be shone on us to make us believe in ourselves and to keep moving forward. BTS did that. They made me believe in me and to fight for myself. I can never be grateful enough for the impact that they had on my life and for giving me the WINGS to fly beyond this horizon. Thank you so much lads:)

Originally posted by meandmyopinionss

From their debut song which boldly criticize the prejudices and social oppression on young fragile minds to winning Billboards award a week back, they deserve every dime of it.

I am including some of the iconic wins of BTS which have had an impact on their career and also on us, ARMYs.

Started as rebels who settles for nothing but success,

Happy tears moment,

The era which was flooded with sophisticated fan theories and ARMYs lost their peace of mind in figuring out what’s been BTS upto!

A walk down the memory lane. *intense feels*

Least did they know that their life ahead is full of these moments!

A new era begins.

The rest is history.

Thank you with all of my heart, Rap monster (Kim Nam Joon),Jin (Kim Seok Jin), Suga (Min Yoon Gi), J-Hope (Jung Ho Seok), Jimin (Park Ji Min), V (Kim Tae Hyung) and Jungkook (Jeon Jung Kook) for existing.

Picture Credits to the respected persons!

Snoke being placed in a context that is even within 500 miles of sexualized (i.e. the whole pimp daddy/Hugh Hefner thing) makes my skin crawl so badly I don’t even have words for it. Not only does it carry extremely disturbing connotations within the realm of his abuse/grooming of Kylo, but it also forces me to remember That One Fic where Snoke more or less steals Rey from Kylo and there are graphic sex scenes and descriptions about how much Rey loves getting fucked by Snoke and I may not be a good person but I don’t deserve this okay.

Only You

Nonnie requested A Drabble about Reader being insecure in her marriage to Jared because he has to film sex scenes with other women?? I can’t get the image of him playing with reader’s wedding band and engagement ring (while it’s on her hand) out of my head!! You’re amazing ilysm! 😘

A/N: I am sorry this is not very good. I really liked the idea but had a hard time writing it for some reason. 

You hated, that you felt like this. You trusted him, you really did. That wasn’t what this was about. You knew that acting was his work and it wasn’t that he was trying to hide from you when he had to do these types of scenes. It wasn’t even that you thought, that Jared would like the idea of being on top of another woman, pretending to have sex with a million crew people around them.

You just weren’t an actress. You couldn’t fully understand the headspace Jared had to put himself in to do those scenes. You also knew that you were never going to be as pretty as the woman he was pretend sleeping with.

“Okay baby I am leaving,” Jared’s voice sounded from inside your bedroom. You were sitting on the balcony overlooking Vancouver, your mind miles away. With Jared and the actress he would be kissing and grinding against in a few hours.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” You sucked in a breath and looked up at your husband as he knelt down infront of you.

You forced a smile as you stared into his worried hazel eyes, “I’m fine. Just go. Call me when you’re driving back so I can have dinner ready.”

“Don’t do this Y/N. I known this still bugs you. Please talk to me about it,” Jared begged not moving or taking his eyes off you.

“It’s not… I trust you. I… It’s just weird Jar. I’m sorry,” You forced back your tears, but Jared fingers playing with the wedding band on yours were making it hard.

“Y/N. A little over a year ago I married the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The smartest and funniest too. I am still heads over heels in love with her and I hate that what I do hurts her so much. I wish I could make her understand I hate these scenes as much as she does. I only ever want her. No one else.” Jared looked back up into your eyes from the band on your hand and tears were not only streaming down your cheeks, they were building behind his as well.

“You flew off the chair and straight into Jared’s arms. He held you tightly against him as he whispered against your ear.

“How about I take you out tonight? To the place we had our first date? And when we get home I’ll show you I meant every word. There’s only ever gonna be you Y/N/N.”

You clung to him as you pressed your lips against his jaw, “I love you Jared.”

Keep reading

Hey guys. 

First, let me get this out of the way — I’m okay. But I am recovering from surgery and it’s been a little harder than expected or promised. Nothing too major so again so don’t worry because, I repeat: I’m okay — but the lead up to this has been a lot of pain that’s been difficult to manage for the better part of a year.

And that’s slowed me down, way, way down… on so many things.

Couple my health issues with a cross-country move to a new city and being separated from the cast and my primary creative team by about 2500 miles and you have an EOS 10 hiatus that’s become much longer than I’d really hoped. You guys are so patient, and so awesome. I appreciate it.

Here’s what I can tell you right now. Since moving to LA, I’ve connected with a bunch of audio drama creators, particularly the teams behind the wonderful @arsparadoxica and @thebrightsessions. They’re great people, and if you’re not listening to their fantastic shows, you should be. I’m working on some of them with, what I’ll just say right now is a collaborative EOS 10 project that you’re going to get this fall, if it means I have to give up sleeping to see that it’s completed. I also have large swaths of season three written and they’re shaping up to be my favorites of everything we’ve done so far. It’s a more daring story line than we’ve attempted before and I’m fully prepared for most of you to hate me as it unfolds :) But in a good way. And hopefully the hate will only be temporary.

In the meantime, thank you so much for your support. Thank you for listening and sharing and creating (the artistic skill some of you have never ceases to amaze me). It really all means the world to me. It really does. 

corvidcraft  asked:

“Star-gazing was a good idea.” anywhere in the toni verse? (am i predictable? Maybe a little)

(I am so sorry this took so long).

“What do you think?” Rhodey asks, tossing the picnic basket back into the car and positioning himself more comfortably on the hood.

They’re miles from civilization, or so it feels, which would explain why the stars seem so much brighter here than practically anywhere else Toni’s ever been.

And the bright stars are part of the package Rhodey was selling her, but the unspoken part of the offer was the silence for miles around, the only noises being themselves and the local wildlife, an owl hooting in the distance.

“Yeah, okay,” she admits. “Star gazing was a good idea.”

“When will you learn?” Rhodey asks. “All my ideas are good.”

“Automatic fruit slicer,” she returns.

Rhodey winces. “All my sober ideas are good.”

That, Toni can’t argue with.

It won’t really change anything, of course. In an hour or so at the most they’ll have to get back into her car, and she’ll have to drive them back to campus. They’ll go to bed and tomorrow she’ll wake up in a world once more where she’s supermarket tabloid fodder. Sleazy reporters will follow her to class. Someone might try to go through her trash again. Someone’s going to take pictures and someone else is going to critique every single choice she has or hasn’t made about her body.

It’s not like Toni wasn’t aware of what she was getting into, when she came out. Or at least, she thought she had been. She had known it would be rough, but she had been media bait her whole life, since birth, essentially. Her first press conference was at age four. She thought they all could handle this.

It was just a little more invasive than even she planned.

Somehow, no one had managed to follow them up here, though. Out in the middle of nowhere.

She pulls her sweater a little tighter around herself. It’s getting chilly, but not so chilly she’d choose to get back in the car and drive away.

Rhodey notices, sliding closer and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Here,” he says.

“Thanks.” She looks at the blanket spread over her lap than spreads it a little further, sharing it between the two of them. Rhodey must be cold now too. But he never mentions packing it up for the night.

Instead, they stay to watch the stars. Just a little longer.

anonymous asked:

Hey archery question here! How do you go from being a shooter in a club to competing in national and international competitions? I've tried to research but haven't come up with much, so any experiences/advice you have would be nice! Thankyou :)

Okay, gonna be candid with you on two points, the only archery scene I am at ALL familiar with is the US one, and two, good gravy I am miles away from international competition! National I do know a bit about, emphasis on ‘a bit,’ I am just now shooting these myself. Also, I shoot recurve - compound, due to nature of the beast, has extra rounds at a lot of events just because so many people shoot perfect scores. I am not at all familiar, I just know they’re a thing.

SO!

Since you shoot club level, I am gonna assume that you already know about archeryevents.com (for everyone else, this is the best place to start for 'is there an archery club around here???’).

National Level, you’re gonna need USA Archery or NFAA (National Field Archery Association) membership - either is fine, each of them will accept membership in the other for their events, but USA Archery is less expensive. You’re also gonna want USA Archery sanctioned events. Here is a list of those:

https://webpoint.usarchery.org/wp15/Events2/Events.wp?evtc_CategoryGroup=Tournament

.. Hopefully that link works, I am on mobile…

In the United States, as of right now (spring 2017), anyone can go to any event (*afaik) indoor or outdoor. You pays yer money, you takes yer chances.

Indoor, you shoot for score, and the highest in your division wins. Boom! Anyone can win money at events like the Lancaster Classic or The Vegas Shoot. I haven’t done either of those. I have done the NFAA Indoor Nationals, and I believe that there’s money to be had, but only in the pro division. I think.

Outdoor is a little different - You shoot qualifications on the first couple days, and if you qualify high enough, you go into bracketed head to head matches on the third day. (Small competitions may only be two days. Big ones will be three and could be four or more.) If you’re a solid intermediate to advanced archer, you could straight up shoot against the Olympic team archers. Fukkin hell!! Good luck.

The archery scene in the US is growing pretty fast, events are filling up, and there is talk of requiring archers to qualify at the state level before they can go to nationals. Tuck that in your pocket, as it were, for the moment it’s not a thing, but it could be.

Back to advancing in the sport… If you’re Really Damn Good and Wanna Go Pro, you go to a sanctioned event, the bigger the better, shoot like a BA and hope to get noticed by a sponsor. There isn’t a lot of money to be had, but you can get equipment in exchange for promoting the brand. I know of archers doing this, but I haven’t talked to them in detail about it so I can’t say a lot. The one I know most about got a free bow, a very nice compound, but had to commit to a tournament schedule and said they spent more in plane tickets than the bow cost, sooooooo…..? This would apply to indoor or outdoor, but I am pretty sure that the most competitive ones will shoot both. There is no off season in archery. AWOO!

If you want to shoot internationally, you have to make the US World Team, and to do *that*, you have to shoot in the US Archery Team Trials events, which are all outdoor season. You’ll see, on the events page above, events that have USAT #1 (and so on) in the name. These are the qualifying events, there are 5 total, and I believe you have shoot four of them to attain a national ranking and be eligible for the actual World Team Trials. As above, you can compete in any of them you want/can afford to attend, and be ranked at that event, fame honor glory, but to get an actual national ranking, you have to do the whole series. At this point, I am out of information, honestly. 2018 is the year I am gonna attempt the whole series.

If you’re wanting to get your toes wet at the national level for the first time, I recommend indoor national events, because the competition format is less complex. Be nice and ask lots of questions, it’s what I do, there are buttholes to be had, but by and large archers are nice. Have fun!

The Heart Wants What It Wants (Part 2)

I Have Loved You Since One Shots: The Heart Wants What It Wants (Part 2)

Masterlist

*PART 1*

2 months later.

The nights were the worst; he’d cry himself to sleep almost every night and the nights he fell asleep voluntarily were the nights he went out drinking. He dreaded to wake up in the mornings because there didn’t seem to be anything to look forward to. With puffy eyelids and stained cheeks, he didn’t want to see anyone. Biology couldn’t even explain the pain he felt in his chest. 

He wanted to be able to lean over and kiss your bare back in the mornings as he watched you sleep for hours before you finally woke. He wanted to be able to take your hand or arm whenever he needed comfort. He wanted to kiss you again, he wanted to finally close the void in his chest and press his lips against yours. 

Harry was sat in his mother’s old living room. He didn’t want to be alone so he went back to the small house he grew up in. Part of you was still there in that house, your scent lingered from the days you’d stay with Anne and cook dinner for the rest of the family. Your perfume managed to cling onto his old bed sheets and nights seemed a bit easier with a little bit of you with him. 

He didn’t seem to know what happened or why it happened. Days after you left, you returned for your things and it was possibly that hardest decision you had to make removing his house key from your chain. He thought maybe after you left, you two would still be friends but you weren’t. Things just stopped. There were no more phone calls in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep, no more texts reading ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ and it broke him.

“Hey baby,” Anne appeared at the door frame with two cups of tea in hand. “Do you mind if I join you?” Harry stayed quiet and kept his eyes fixed on the blank screen tv. Slowly, she walked over to him and handed him the cup but he stayed motionless. 

Anne was worried, she was afraid that one wrong question could send him over the edge. He was already on the brink of ice so she didn’t want to pressure him into talking unless he was ready. A mother’s never ready for the day her son comes home in the middle of the night, drunken with bloodshot eyes, crying his heart out into her arms.

She sighed and placed the cups on the table in front of them. “Come here, sweets,” Anne placed her arms around him and he surprisingly obliged. He rested his head on her chest as she gently stroked his long curls. “It’s going to be okay, I promise,” she cooed. Harry was out of tears, he’s shed so much that there didn’t seem to be anything left in him to shed.

“You remember that time I came home from the grocery store and I found you sat in the hallway crying?” She chuckled as Harry listened. “My love, you were so sad you couldn’t come out with me. Gemma told me you sat there for the whole hour I was gone. Not one movement.” She continued. “You were such a sweet boy. You’re still a sweet boy, baby. Everything’s going to be fine; you just have to give it time.”

Harry sniffled. For a while he thought the same thing. “Niall called,” he began, wiping his finger across his nose. “She’s leaving back to the states.”

“Oh,” Anne whispered. A tear slipped from Harry and she could feel it seep into her blouse. 

“Mum, I don’t want her to go,” he sobbed. She pulled him closer and rubbed his back as he brought his arm around her to hug her back. Her heart shook to the sound of her desperate son. “I-I can’t just forget about her! I don’t know how she does it, she’s fine without me but I’m a mess without her, it’s not fair!” He cried. 

“Shhh” she could feel him shaking in her arms, she could feel every broken part of him, breaking all over again.

***

“Do you want some tea,” Anne asked. He had finally calmed down from the crying and was sprawled across the couch. He nodded and sat up to reach for the cup in his mother’s hand. 

Anne sat on the coffee table across him and leaned over to grab his hand. “I know you’re hurting baby but if it was meant to be, someday you’ll find your way back to her.” Harry shook his head, he didn’t want to listen because he knew it was meant to be, you were the one and nothing was ever going to change that. “You two shared a great love, such a good love,” she continued. “But sometimes, you just have to let go.” She smiled. “Sometimes, the greatest love is simply to let go.”

***

“I’ll go,” Harry volunteered.

Gemma turned and shook her head, “No, it’s alright, I’ll go. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Harry was already grabbing his keys off the counter. “I’ll go.” He pressed a kiss to his mother’s temple and grabbed his jacket off the hook. He figured groceries would be a good excuse to get out of the house and drive around. 

He passed signs and old buildings where he had grew up in as he drove. The bakery down town was still opened; he remembered working there when he was younger, wrapping cheesecakes with old ladies and mopping the brown and cream colored tiles.

He drove and drove and finally found himself parked.

In front of your flat.

He didn’t know what to do now. He was sat in his car with his hands brushing the wheel over and over again. He wanted to see you; he wanted to see you one last time before you left. He grabbed the box he picked up from the bakery and climbed out of his car.

His shaky hands reached for the buzzer and he jumped when the door unlocked itself. Someone else must have pushed it by accident. He quickly grabbed the door before it locked again. 

He turned left at the corner and found your white painted door on the side. He could smell the cooking from outside the hall and it made him miss you even more. The nights where he came home late from work and found you waiting up on him with dinner ready. You always had a book in hand with a glass of wine in the other. He’d sneak up on you and you’d jump and scold him jokingly and then you’d kiss him anyway and talk about your days. He missed you. 

He knocked before his brain could stop him. Seconds passed before he heard you rushing over and unlocking the door. You opened the door to see the man you spent nights crying over and days breaking slowly. If only you knew he was doing the same. The man you left months ago was standing in front of you with his old blue beanie and big brown jacket, trying to smile under his puffed up eyes. 

“H-Hi,” he stuttered. You looked different. Your hair was longer and your body had lost weight. 

“Hi Harry.”

But your voice was still your voice. 

He brought his hand over his shoulder and behind his neck, “So-I was just in the neighborhood and I heard you were leaving so I wanted to come and maybe say goodbye.” 

You smiled small and motioned your arm, letting him come in. You were shaking and so was he. He walked in and saw boxes packed at every corner. You really were leaving.

“Do you want anything to drink?” You asked. 

“No, no, I’m good,” he gulped. “I uh, I brought you your favorite, caramel pecan cheesecake.” He nervously reached out to hand it to you. 

“Thank you,” you smiled. “You didn’t have to.” You took the box in your hand and placed it on the table. 

He shook his head, “Consider it a going away gift.” He chuckled. Was it okay to joke? 

You laughed with him, “Well thanks again then.” You began to head over into the kitchen to the boiling pot to turn off the stove, “So how have you been?” 

Horrible, lonely, sad, hurting. 

“I’m alright,” he lied. “You?“ 

You reached for the plate above in the cabinet as you quickly thought of what to say, “I’m okay.” But the truth was, you were far from it.

You walked back out to find him, wandering as always. He had his hands in his pocket and his legs all twisted. “So you’re leaving?” He asked, not wanting to hear the answer. 

"Yeah, I uh, I’m done with uni so there’s really no reason for me to stay anymore,” you began. “I got a job offer in New York for marketing.”

He smiled, “That’s great!” He wanted to hug you, congratulate you because he knew how you always wanted to be in the fashion industry. But he couldn’t. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” you muttered. “What about you? What’s going on with you? How are the boys? Any new girls?" 

He didn’t actually know because he hasn’t seen the boys in a while. He hasn’t seen anyone in a while. There were certainly no girls. “They’re good,” he said. “They miss you. And uh no, no girls.” 

You nodded. 

"What about you? Seeing anyone?” He asked. 

“No,” you shook your head, leaning against the counter. “Uh, I’m hoping to maybe find someone back in the states.” You added. 

He wanted to be that someone. He wanted you so much, it hurt to even think about another guy’s arm around you. “I still love you.” 

You were taken back a moment. This couldn’t be happening, he can’t say those things now. “Harry,” you whispered. You couldn’t manage to look him in the eyes because if you did, you’d fall into his arms and fall in love all over again because deep down, you knew you were still in love with him too. “You can’t sa-“

“No, just let me finish. Please? Before you leave,” he took a shuddering breath because this was it. After months of practicing what he would say to you if he ever had the nerves to tell you, this was it. “I thought I could handle being away from you but I was wrong. I can’t be away from you. If I can’t handle you being a few miles away, how am I going to handle you being 3,500 miles away?”

He came closer and brushed his finger on your cheek. You didn’t know you were crying until he wiped a tear off your face. 

“Please,” he whispered, beginning to lean in. He was taking this too far. He craved you and so did you but you couldn’t.

“No Harry!” You cried as you pushed him away and walked past behind him. “You can’t just kiss me and pretend everything’s okay! You can’t!" 

He was shaking. He didn’t turn to face you because he didn’t want to look at you crying. 

"God, do you know how long it took for me to be able to just throw a picture of you and me away? Harry, we can’t do this. If it’s not going to hurt now, it’s going to hurt later,” you wept. “I think you should go." 

He slowly turned, rushing his fingers through his hair, trying to contain the tears. He didn’t want to leave. 

"Fine,” he began. “I’ll leave if you tell me you don’t love me anymore because we both know you still love me just as much as I love you." 

You scoffed, shaking your head. 

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me anymore." 

You were angry because you couldn’t tell him that. You were angry because you still loved him. You didn’t think there would ever be a day where you didn’t love this man. 

"I still love you,” you admitted. “I still love you and it haunts me everyday. I can’t even go to the store without being reminded of you, Harry. I still love you and it makes me sick to think that I won’t ever be able to stop loving you!" 

He didn’t care if you fought him, he walked over and pulled you into his arms. His arms were strong around you and his familiar scent made you weak. His chest was warm and his breath was soft against you. 

"Shh,” he cooed. “I’m here. I love you. There’s nothing you can do to ever lose my love, baby." 

Baby. It stung you like the night things ended. The pain was coming back and it felt like you two were breaking up all over again. You held on for as long as possible but even you knew you couldn’t hold on forever. 

You lifted your head and his hand came around to caress your cheek. 

"We can’t,” you began. 

“Yes, we can,” he cut you off. 

“Harry, I can’t love you with the fear that one day you are going to discover that I’m not as great as you once thought I was.”

He shook is head in disbelief, “No, baby, I love you. I’d choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred words. In any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.” 

You sobbed even more but you couldn’t. You didn’t want that pain in your life anymore. “I’d choose you too,” you croaked. “But I can’t stay. Not here, not with you.” 

He was crying now as well. Every bone inside of him was numb and he quickly looked up to the ceiling trying to evade the tears. He sniffled as he tasted his salted tears. 

“It breaks my heart but someday, someday you will stop loving me,” you whispered, your voice was cracking and so was everything else. “You’re going to find someone. Someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, someone who makes you question why you ever thought you’d be better off alone.”

He shook his head and sobbed, “It’s you. I’ve already found her. Please baby,” he cried. “Please don’t leave me again.”

You shut your eyes and looked down, you couldn’t watch as he broke in your arms and you did absolutely nothing to help him. You looked into each other’s eyes, you both knew you how felt but that’s all you two could share, that’s all you can do. 

Your love was impossible. 

-

There you have it my lovelies! Part two of The Heart Wants What It Wants, I think this was sadder than the break up to be honest! I’m all out of tears!

I hope you liked it and let me know what you guys thought and continue to send in your requests! Love you :)

Nicole. Xoxo

I feel stupid. Inspired, but stupid.

So. As you may be aware, I can’t shut up about Seth Rollins. I have not shut up about him since July. And this is fine, I’m having fun being a wrestling fan and a fan of this particular nerd, it’s a good time!

However. Recently, I’ve been feeling rubbish about a thing and that thing is the fact that I am not one bit fit. I have a bum knee after a dislocation years ago (they both dislocate far too easily, which is why I never run. For anything) and I’m also hugely lazy. I joined a gym twice in the last two years, then quit because I just couldn’t be arsed. So I’m really, really unfit. I am the slowest walker I have ever met, for example.

And then. And then you start watching these people do ridiculous things in a wrestling ring and you realise how HARD they must work. The level of fitness they need to do the things they do is off any scale I have a reference for.

And hey, you know who else blew his knee? He started from an infinitely higher baseline of fitness than I did, but the fact remains that Seth Rollins blew every ligament in his knee and I’ve seen the documentary, I’ve seen what it did to him, I’ve seen where he is now and how he came back even stronger, and dammit dammit DAMMIT if it doesn’t make me think, well, Kez, you’re the only one who can do a damn thing about this problem.

So I joined the gym again.

And I went for the first time tonight.

And I wanted to give up after twenty minutes on a bike.

But I didn’t.

I did not give up because I thought about Seth, who did not give up. I am literally, actually, for real using a wrestler as inspiration to push myself through stuff.

Look, I’m fat, okay? I’ve always been fat, I don’t care any more, I’m not doing this for weight loss. I just want some level of physical fitness. I want to be able to walk for miles without it being tiring, I want to be able to lift heavy shit without hating every muscle in my arms, I want to be able to do stuff faster, I want to stop being too tired to walk home from the station at the end of the day. Little things like that.

And so I started. It’s been one evening, it isn’t much. But I started.

But I feel ridiculous because of why I started. I started because of Seth freakin’ Rollins. That IS ridiculous. I mean for fuck’s sake I even did it listening to the WWE Workout playlist he made for Spotify. RIDICULOUS.

Isn’t it?

Maybe it doesn’t matter why you start as long as you start. Maybe you have to take inspiration wherever you can get it. Maybe I was right the first time and I’m daft, but… I started. And when I want to give up, I’m gonna think about Seth and then I’m gonna keep going.

Because he wouldn’t quit. I don’t think he’d want anyone else to quit either.

So I’m ridiculous. And I’ll keep right on going.

2

I Promise (Request)
**************************
“That was a good game, you did an amazing job.” You complimented Marc.

“Thanks Georgina, I felt a bit rusty, you know? I haven’t been playing that much lately.” Marc laughed.

You scrunched your nose and shook your head. “No you did a phenomenal job.”

“Where’s Neymar?” He asked as you walked to his car.

“He’s probably still changing out.” You smiled.

“Oh there he is!!” Marc pointed.

“It was nice talking to you, see you next match.” You chuckled.

“If I play.” He laughed walking away.

You saw him and Neymar exchange smiled and a brotherly hug. Neymar walked towards you. He clicked his keys to open the car.

“Took you that long.” You teased.

“You want me to smell like shit? I had to shower.” He snapped.

“Don’t take it personal.” You raised your brows.

You both hopped into the car. You started texting on your phone. Neymar climbed over your lap and snapped your seatbelt shut.

“Ever heard of safety?” He sighed.

“I was gonna-”

“Forget it.” He shook his head.

He began pulling out of the parking lot. Then drove out onto the road.

“You did well in today’s game.” You gleamed.

“Did mark play just as good.” He laughed, biting his finger nail.

“A little.” You joked.

“Haha very funny.” He said dryly.

You’re eyes met his in the rear view mirror. His eyes were a deep green and seemed to be filled with fury. Yours gave off a frightened look. You turned away to face the window. It started pouring hard, a storm was in the making.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Too quiet. Neymar had been muttering things to himself continuously. But you couldn’t hear what he had to say. You felt your phone vibrate. You looked down to find a text from Marc.

“What was that?” Neymar broke the silence.

“Just a text.” You replied. You shoved your phone in your purse.

“From?” He asked, his eyes still glued to the road.

“Marc.” You said casually.

“Why am I not surprised.” He scoffed.

“Excuse me?” You snapped.

“Nothing.” He groaned.

“Babe you okay? You haven’t been this mad since I don’t know know? Never….” You asked.

You placed your hand on his lap. He took your hand and slid it off.

“You don’t need to get intimate while I’m driving.” He huffed.

“I’m being too intimate?” You laughed throwing your head back sarcastically.

“Will you just shut the hell up.” Neymar yelled.

His voice so loud, it could be heard from a million miles away. It felt like someone had roared in your face. You shut your mouth from fear.

“You know what, I have a better idea.” Neymar gritted between his teeth.

He drove towards the curb of a close sidewalk. He violently parked the car.

“What are you doing?” You furrowed your brows.

“Get out.” He ordered.

“What?” You shook your head.

“I said get out.” He yelled.

“It’s pouring outside, what’s wrong with you?” You screamed.

“Would you like me to get you out myself.” He sighed.

You unbuckled your seatbelt and grabbed your purse. You gave one last glance to Neymar. He pointed his head towards the door. You stepped out and closed the door behind you. Neymar sped out and drove away. You could hear the tires screech from a distance.

“What did I do?” You cried to yourself.

You looked around. You had no idea where you were. The setting was filled with thick forestry and hills. A few buildings were lined up along the horizon. The rain poured harder. Your hair was soaking wet. Your eyes three up black mascara stains. You continued walking to wherever the path led you. It was cold, you felt a strong wind pelt your back. Luckily, you noticed a small bus waiting area with a glass roof. You took a seat on the cold wooden bench and continued to cry. You sniffled and wiped your tears. You decided to call Neymar and knock some sense into him. You dialed his number.

“Hello?” You spoke through the phone.

“Hi this is Neymar please leave a message-”

“Great.” You said to yourself, cutting off the voicemail.

You leaned against the glass wall and curled up in a ball. You hugged your purse tight, trying to consume all the warmth possible.

“Marc!” You said to yourself.

You decided to call Marc. Not only was he a good friend of Neymar’s but also yours too. You grabbed your phone out of your purse and dialed his number. It rang for a few seconds until he finally picked up.

“Hello?” His voice spoke through the phone.

“Marc, I need help” You cried.

“Georgina what’s wrong?” He asked.

You took a deep breath and looked up at the cloudy sky. “I don’t know where I am, Neymar…” Your voice laced with sorrow.

“What happened to Neymar? Georgina are you okay?” He yelled through the phone.

“He dropped me off in the middle of the road, and I don’t know where I am.” You sighed.

“Do you remember the last exit you took after leaving the stadium?” He asked.

“I wasn’t paying attention.” You coughed.

“I’m going to call Neymar, just sit tight.” He shut the phone.

Great. The last thing you needed was your delusional boyfriend picking you up from the mess he caused. You waited in the cold for him to come. Hopefully Marc would be coming with him. It wasn’t long until a car had came. You stepped out of the bus stop.

“Marc?” You yelled.

Neymar stepped out of the car. Marc was no where in sight. He probably told Neymar about your incident. You noticed Neymar walking towards you with a blanket. It was still pouring. His bangs were wet and framed his thin face.

“Baby I’m sorry.” He smiled weakly throwing the blanket over your shoulders.

You walked towards the car and stood by the door. “Please,era just go home.” You sighed.

The margin around your eyes were a bright red. You continued to sob. Why would Neymar you through something like that. You heard the door unlock and stepped inside, slamming it shut. Neymar stepped in and did the same. You say their motionless. With now words spoken. You noticed Neymar coming to lean in and buckle your seatbelt.

“Don’t, I can do it myself.” You cried.“ You stopped him.

You buckled your seatbelt and slumped in your seat. Neymar started the car and began driving. The car ride was silent. Just like the beginning from when you left the match. It wasn’t long until you arrived home. There wasn’t any traffic this time at night. Neymar pulled into the driveway and parked the car.

"Here let me help you.” He stopped out of the car and slammed his door.

He opened your door and helped you out of the car. You held your purse tight and walked towards the door. You let out a cough as Neymar was opening the door.

“Damn it you’re sick.” He helped you inside and closed the door behind him.

“You left me in the cold, why’d you come back?” You asked him.

“Marc told me you called him, why didn’t you call me.” He asked.

“Why didn’t I call you?” You looked at the ceiling and bit your lip.

Neymar stood in front of you. Staring at you for an answer.

“Why didn’t I call for you? I did. You didn’t answer, it led to voicemail. Need I remind you that you chose to leave me in the cold. Do I really need to remind you to come pick me up? When you purposely left me.” You snapped.

“Baby I….”

“Save it.” You spat.

You started coughing more. The cold had given you a cough. You were sick.

“I’m going to go change and get some sleep.” You said.

You ran upstairs. You headed into the bathroom and locked the door behind you, making sure Neymar couldn’t get in. You heard him knock on the door telling you to open. You ignored him and turned the shower on. His voice was drowned or by the water.

“Georgina!” His voice muffled through the door.

You ignored him. You stepped into the shower and let the water drip against your cold body. You liked the feel of the warm moist against your skin. After you finished showering you stepped out, putting your hair in a bun. You grabbed the robe hanging from the hook and placed it on. You opened the door and found Neymar sleeping in bed. He seemed so innocent, even after what he had done.

“Neymar?” You said, trying to wake him up.

He was in deep sleep. You walked over to him and crawled onto the bed. You laid beside him. You noticed he had dried tear streaks near his eyes.

“Neymar.” You said loud enough to wake him up.

“Georgina?” He was startled.

“Yes.” You coughed.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry baby.” He grabbed you and wrapped you in his arms.

You stayed quiet, still upset from the incident. But you knew he meant no harm.

“I got jealous and it caused me to go insane.” He confessed.

“Jealous?” You broke away from the cuddle.

Neymar nodded. You planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Why were you jealous baby?” You asked.

“After the match I saw you talking with Marc, it seemed to be like flirting…” He paused.

“Baby, that was just friendly talk, Marc and I are good friends. You know that.” You said sternly.

“I know, and leaving you in the rain was the dumbest choice. You’re sick now.” He caressed your cheek.

“Promise me you won’t let silly things get in the way of our relationship.” You buried your head in the crook of his neck.

“I promise.” Neymar kissed your forehead.

Fruitless Endeavors

Imagine being a human, your legs getting extremely tired in comparison to the dwarves, and Fili and Kili arguing over who gets to carry you for a while to relieve your feet

I’m pretty new to writing, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated :)

After that orc chase and preceding goblin escapade I could definitely use some rest. Or a drink. Better yet, both. But, of course I’ve ended up with neither of those.  We’ve already been walking for a few hours today and the further we go the more my legs feel as though they are going to collapse.  I’m pretty much dragging myself along at this point, maybe we can rest if I convince Thorin I’ll trade him my first-born. Who am I kidding? I don’t plan on children anytime soon, though of course that isn’t something he needs to know…

Keep reading

A Walk Home With Bellamy Blake

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The 100
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Bellarke - Relationship, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Characters: Bellamy Blake, Clarke Griffin
Additional Tags: AU, rainy day
Summary:

Clarke has a long walk home in the rain ahead of her, but Bellamy Blake shows up and makes the experience a little more interesting.

Clarke sloshed through the flooded streets on her way home from work. This is what she got for trying to be healthy. She saw that it was going to rain that day but she thought, oh it’ll be fine I can walk 2 miles in the rain. Clarke regretted this decision immensely and she had barely walked a block. At least she remembered her umbrella. Her giant, white and pink polka dot umbrella. 

        She walked up to a cross walk and mashed the button over and over, as if that would make the light turn green any faster. The water was seeping into her shoes, soaking her socks. Great, I have to walk two miles with gross wet socks. Isn’t this just the best day ever.  She tapped a foot in the puddle in front of her to pass the time but all that did was make her shoe even wetter. She groaned audibly in annoyance.

        Clarke heard the sound of feet splashing through puddles behind her. She turned around and lifted her umbrella to see who it was. A curly haired, freckle faced guy walked up beside her and clicked the crosswalk button. She noticed that the only protection from the downpour was a windbreaker without a hood. She felt sorry for him because she was miserable with a full coat and umbrella. 

        “Hey, uh, do you want to share my umbrella while we wait?” Clarke asked awkwardly. She was usually good with talking to people, but not necessarily to cute guys.

        The guy hesitated for a moment, “Are you sure?”

        “Yeah, you’ve only got a windbreaker, I feel kinda bad for you. Plus there is more than enough room under here.” Clarke tipped her umbrella up, inviting him to come over.

        The guy smiled and walked over. It was a shy smile, not something she would expect out of a guy that looks like he does. He had to crouch to fit under the umbrella so Clarke held her arm up higher to accommodate his height.

        “Thank you so much…?” He paused and looked at her expectantly.

        It took a second for Clarke to get it, “Oh, Clarke.”

        “Well thank you, Clarke. I’m Bellamy.” Bellamy stuck his hand out to her. Clarke shook his hand. It surprised her because she thought nobody did that anymore. It was refreshing.

        “So Bellamy, where are you headed?” Clarke asked.

        “Home. I’ve been out all day and I still have about two miles left.” Bellamy sounded like he was trying to hold back his misery.

        “Hey me too. Well I mean the two miles thing. Where do you live?” Clarke immediately realized how weird her question was, “Wait, sorry that was a weird question. I promise I’m not creepy.” She tried to explain herself but she just came off as more flustered.

        “No it’s fine, you don’t look like the creepy type,” he joked. “I live at Ark Apartments.”

        "No way.“

        "Wait, do you live there too?” Bellamy asked in disbelief.

        “Yeah! What a coincidence.” Clarke paused for a moment, then suggested, “Since we’re going to the same place, we might as well share the umbrella for the rest of the way.”

        “If you’re sure, that would be great.” Bellamy had given up being humble and polite, it was pouring so he would be stupid to say no.

        “I have one condition, though.” Clarke stated.

        “Oh?”

        “You have to hold the umbrella, because you’re too tall and my arm is getting tired.” She extended the umbrella towards him and smiled expectantly.

        “Fine, but only because you’ve got a pretty face.” He said jokingly, and seemingly without a second thought. Clarke gave it more than a second thought. Is this interaction even real? She thought. She was at a loss for words, but Bellamy seemed at ease.

        The light turned green and they set out on their two mile trek home. Clarke used this opportunity to just walk, Bellamy was basically leading the way so she didn’t have to look where she was going. She was able to look down and shield her eyes from the rain that was now blowing sideways. After a few minutes of silence Clarke decided that she couldn’t stand the awkwardness.

        “So why didn’t you wear a real jacket today?” She asked.

        “Well the weather seemed okay this morning I, being the idiot that I am, did not check the weather before I left.” Bellamy was a little defensive, while being self depricating.

        “Normally I would try to tell you that you’re probably not an idiot, but honestly that was a little dumb.” Clarke laughed at him good heartedly.

        “A little?”

        “Yeah just a little.” They were both laughing now.

        “At least my shoes are waterproof though.” He pointed at her soaking wet sneakers with his free hand.

        "Hey! It’s not my fault guys’ shoes are made better!“ Clarke defended her poor shoes.

        "Touche.” Bellamy responded.

        “Oh come on, who says ‘touche?’” This was the second time that Bellamy’s words surprised Clarke.

        “I do. What is this, 'bash on Bellamy?’" 

        "I was nice enough to let you stay under my umbrella, I can make fun of you as much as I want.” She said confidently.

        “Oh yeah? Seeing as I have control of your umbrella, I could do this,” he ran ahead of her a few paces, leaving her in the rain, “and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Clarke stopped in her tracks with her mouth wide open.

        “Bellamy!” Clarke squealed. Bellamy walked back over to her and placed the umbrella above her head once again. She lightly punched his arm, “Meanie.”

        “You were making fun of me, I had to retaliate.” He nudged her shoulder with his.

        "Fine,“ Clarke couldn’t help but laugh, "now we’re even.”

        They walked for fifteen more minutes until they finally reached the apartment complex. Clarke took out her key while Bellamy continued to shield her from the rain. They got into the warm lobby and stood there dripping. Bellamy closed the umbrella and handed it to Clarke.

        “Well thank you again for letting me walk with you Clarke.”

        “No problem,” she made eye contact with him but looked away.

        “And sorry about getting you soaked.” Bellamy apologized, although Clarke could tell from his smile that he wasn’t that sorry.

        “I guess it’s okay.” Clarke sighed over dramatically.

        “How about, to make it up to you, you come up to my apartment and dry off. I’ll even make us some hot chocolate.” Bellamy offered. He casually draped his arm around her shoulders.

        Clarke looked up at him and said, “You know what? I think I’ll actually take you up on that.”

It is okay to miss people, I promise.
It may not feel like it when you see the long-distance couple
who watch each other’s faces over a screen every night,
when the grandfather you barely grew to know dies
and the funeral is thousands of miles from home and takes a week.

Absence is not a competition - it is a silence;
it is a powerful and painful quiet
in the face of yawning swathes of land between you and home.
It is your job to make it back in one piece, or shattered into shards
with the heavy hope that what’s on the other side
will painstakingly glue you back together.

‘Home’ is a pattern I paint on the inside of my chest in delicate red, blue and white -
postal colours, like the letters I write every morning.
It is only in my head, and on the other end of a phone,
and it’s scary to think that what is eight thousand miles away now
was once at the end of my arm, or pressed against me so tightly.

'Home’ is strolling through your veins,
dusting the cobwebs from the inside of your head
and drawing the blinds from behind your eyes every morning.

I miss the ocean air, my lifeblood -
it grows outside of itself, larger than life and larger than me
and I am nothing but sand on the shore being pulled into the waves,
praying for them to take me back.

—  it is okay to miss people | ishani jasmin
A BIG FAMILY THAT I NEVER KNEW I HAD.

THIS FANDOM CAN LITERALLY DO ANYTHING.

WE CAN TREND THINGS

WE CAN WIN AWARDS

WE BEAT ANYTHING.

I LOVE THIS FANDOM.

I LOVE THIS FAMILY.

I was here for a few months already and my life has changed big time. I learned that its okay to be myself, that being beautiful is from within and what I learned the most is even if they’re miles away one click and they’re here for you,

I know a lot of you can relate on what I’m talking about. YouTubers can make me happy, they can make me cry, they can make me feel that I’m not alone. I feel loved when they say they love me, I feel I am not worthless when they Thank us for everything. I can be who I am when I watch their videos. When I feel like no one is there for me, they’re here. Even if we can’t see, hear or talk to each other I can feel their love for me.

It may sound cheesy, but you know yourself that it’s true. So if you’re one of the people who met them you are really lucky. For those people who haven’t met them ( includes self) we are still lucky to have them as a family. Same to the viewers/fans who are here to support them all through out, I am lucky to have all of you. I love you guys so much.

// SO THAT WAS A BIT DIFFERENT. I JUST WANT TO EXPRESS ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU. EVEN IF YOU HATE ME I LOVE YOU :)//

//P.S I CRIED TYPING THIS.//

anonymous asked:

Firstly, congratulations on coming out & the lovely responses, you deserve them! I was wondering, though, has Miles written anything about this too? Because he seems from the review video to be this super-supportive partner, but your coming out outs him as queer in a way I've not seen referenced before, and I wondered about the dynamics of that too. I've seen references to you being queer, but not his, and I was wondering how his experience has been. Internet-love to you both, of course.

Wow. Okay, anon, I’m not going to answer your question, but I am going to clarify a couple points here, because this is really important to me:

Because the work Miles and I do involves a degree of public visibility, sometimes we need–or choose–to share relatively narrow parts of our personal life. That visibility does not change the fact that this stuff is incredibly and fundamentally personal. It does not make us, or our lives, into public commodities.

So–for instance–right now, I’m in a position where, in order to be referred to by the correct name and pronouns, I sometimes need to publicly state something extremely personal. If you saw the podcast video–or read my original post on my personal tumblr–you might have noticed that all they discussed were practical nuts and bolts: Here is what to call me. Here is why my name and pronouns will be inconsistent on the podcast for the next few months. Here are the parts of this situation that relate directly to you. The fact that we limited the announcement to that stuff was not an accident. We did not forget to go into an in-depth discussion of how my coming out as trans may interact with my partner’s sexuality or impact our marriage on our podcast about the X-Men.

Anon, Miles and I are not a text for you to analyze and dissect. Our marriage is not a text for you to analyze and dissect. We are actual human people navigating complicated, fraught, and incredibly personal territory. What you are asking and assuming here–not to mention that you’re doing so anonymously on a platform where the only way to answer anonymous questions is publicly–is profoundly invasive.

(And, y'know, anon, the fact that you didn’t ask this question at the platform Miles and I sharethe one from which we posted the video you’re responding to–but instead decided to bring it to my personal inbox kinda hints to me that you might know some of that already.)

First of all guys, I’ve been on Tumblr stanning and fangirling for Bruno and Michael for about 3.5 years and along this journey I have met the most wonderful people. My dash had been, well, a little all over the place yet beautiful because of all of you. But really, I don’t talk to all of you  but the mere fact that I get to see your icon and url at the left makes me happy and to the people I’ve left off from this list, I apologize. It’s nothing personal, I have some issues with timezones and all, but know that I love you all from the bottom of my heart for even clicking that little ‘follow’ button on the upper right of my simple blog and deciding to tag along. And to those who are bored or need someone to talk to, I am right here. 2013 had been a roller coaster of emotions and I am grateful to know that a few thousand miles away, someone is undergoing through the same feelings and ending up being there for each other as. Okay, I know that was absolutely corny and you skipped that but I really mean everything and last but certainly not the least, I would like to thank my darling Bianca for offering to do this adorable edit because I suck at these since I have no Photoshop or whatsoever omg Anyways, Merry Christmas to all of you and may God shower you with more blessings in life. Stay cool and keep smiling :) The ones in bold below are a few who I’ve had interaction with and definitely made me laugh and cry this year.

#: 1shot4mypain ❋ 69withbruno 

A-J: bruno-marss ❋ brunomarsz ❋ brunosheadofcurls  ❋ brunormars ❋ brunosdaisy ❋ brunzmars ❋ brokenglassheart ❋ bwuno-maws ❋ bruno-hooligans ❋ bruno-stole-my heart ❋ brunosjungle ❋ brunodeliciousmars ❋ brunosotherside ❋ bruno-news ❋ brunos-mars ❋ brunomars-x ❋ bruno-mars-sweden ❋ bmars-news ❋ brunospecialsomeone ❋ brunoppi ❋ brunostattoos ❋ brunomarsislife ❋ brighteyedhoneys ❋ captainmarz  ❋ escapetomars ❋ fati-hernandez ❋ feylees ❋ fuxwitbruno ❋ gagamoonshine ❋ glitterglovex ❋ gorillajean gorillagene ❋ hooliganworldmars ❋ hoolimars ❋ houseofprincess ❋ imahooliganbitch ❋ ilovemjrip ❋ inmany ❋ itsbrunolicious ❋ itsyourboybruno ❋ julyonmars

K-T: la-jungla ❋ lockedoutofheaven lovemybruno ❋ loudgiirl ❋ letusbok ❋ luuhooligan ❋ lautnermars ❋ marsucks ❋ marsjackson ❋ marsuns ❋ michael-gene-knowles ❋ moonshinejungle ❋ marsensualthreetimes ❋ monstergodga ❋ michaelsbadpyt ❋ nicolebmars ❋ nextbrunomars ❋ pollyv ❋ privateagentmars ❋ precciateyou ❋ proudhooligan4ever reggaemars rhapsodyincolour ❋smeezepleeze ❋ sicksonofa-bitch ❋ sexgodmars ❋ she-ate-our-hearts ❋ takeusttothestarstonite ❋ thegorillagene ❋ treasuremakehersmile ❋ treasureyous ❋ themarsjungle ❋ thebabysquirrel ❋ thegreatestentertainer ❋ thedelightoflife

U-Z: unorthodoxbruno ❋ ughbruno ❋ wanderinghooligan ❋ wegotmarssars❋ whomphooligan ❋ wedreamandsmile❋ xsarahxk ❋ youngbunnies ❋ youdbetterwatchit ❋ youngbrunz

Hayes Grier: Her Side Part 1

MASTERLIST

Request:Can I please have a Hayes imagine where I’m his current gf and his ex hates on me and I defend myself and Hayes gets mad and takes her side and then he realizes what happened and apologizes with flowers possibly?? I LOVE YOUR WORK OMG!!! Part 2:http://buttercupmendes.tumblr.com/post/121195348561/her-side-part-2 Part 3: http://buttercupmendes.tumblr.com/post/121220108166/hayes-grier-her-side-part-3

YN POV
Today was going to be such a great night. I was going to go to Boomers
It’s like an entertainment type place with an arcade, go carts, bumper boats etc. Hayes and I had just arrived we were late because of me. I couldn’t find my shoes. Hayes and I walked past the place where you could trade tickets for prizes. I gasped and yanked Hayes so he would stop. “Look. at the pink monkey.” I pointed, “It’s so cuuute!” I exclaimed. “Aww it’s 10,000 tickets.” I sighed “I’ll win it for you I promise.” Hayes squeezed my hand. I smiled. We went outside to meet our friends , Michael Bret Brandon YBFFN and Lexie. “Look who decided to show up.” Brandon joked looking out way. “YN!” Y/BFF/N squeled running my way. I let go of Hayes hand and hugged her. “We were just about to start without you.” She laughed. We walked to the table where our friends were, Hayes was already saying hi to everyone giving his friends bro hugs. Y/BFF/N was saying something but I tuned her out because that’s when I saw her. Kelly. Hayes’ ex. I stopped in my tracks. “I didn’t know she was going to be here.” I gritted my teeth. “When is she not,” Y/BFF/N said. “Be nice.” “When am I not.” I let out a deep breath. Kelly and I used to be friends….sorta…..not really. It’s complicated okay. Long story short she dated Hayes, Hayes broke up with her because she a controlling whiny vindictive bitch (and that’s me being nice about it). He didn’t even like her. Oh well, now he’s with me. She hates me but I couldn’t care less. She’s just annoying with how much she flirts with Hayes. Ugh you could here hear fake high pitched voice she put on from a mile away. She giggle and hugged Hayes. No biggie right but she unfortunately she noticed me staring and winked at me. Let the games begin.

Hayes’ POV We were in line for the Go Carts and YN was talking to Bret. It was cool he was a cool guy but sometimes they got too close for my pleasing. It makes sense because they’ve been good friends since forever and he’s the one who even introduced me to her but sometimes I guess I get a little jealous of their bond I guess. I was watching her laugh at one of his jokes while play hitting him. I looked at her with adoration. The way her eyes lit up when she was laughing and how her smile was brighter than a million stars. I walked towards her wrapping my arms around her waist kissing her cheek. “I love you.” I whispered into her neck. “I love you too.” She turned and kissed me. “There are children here.” Michael teased. “Yea leave room for the Holy Ghost.“ Lexie added. YN broke away and buried her face into my chest. She always got so embarrassed and red. “Do you want to get a double cart?” I asked her. “No Bret and I were going to race so I’m getting a single cart sorry.” “It’s fine.” I have to say it wasn’t fine. I don’t know why but I really wanted to drive with her in the passengers seat the wind flying in her hair while she screams with excitement. The session before ours ended and the guy let us in. There were a few people infront of us. The guy counted them out and let them go in a group. “Are all of you a group?” He asked. “Yes!” “Okay so there’ll be enough carts if two pairs of you take a double.” He said. We all looked at eachother waiting for someone to say something. “I could share.” Y/BFF/N said. “I could go with you.” Brandon said as if he were asking if it were okay. “Okay but I’m driving.” She smiled.“I don’t mind.” I shrugged. “Me either.” Kelly replied almost immediately. YN gave me a disapproving look and glared at Kelly but I ignored it. She did it to herself Ms.I want to go alone. “I bet you’re an amazing driver.” Kelly complimented me. The guy working there opened the gate letting us in. “Come on Kels let’s get the blue one.” She grabbed on to my bicep. “Wow you’re so strong.” She said squeezing it. “Well you know.” I said nonchalantly. I help Kelly get into the go cart. “After you my lady.” I joked. “Thank you my lord.” She smiled back at me as I went to the other side. I put on my seat belt as the guy told us all the rules. “You know Hayes your really secure, with the whole YN and Bret situation.” Kelly said. “What do you mean?” I questioned. The light counted down from red to yellow to green and then we were off. “I just mean if I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t want him flirting with another girl even if they were “just friends.” She put air quotes on ‘just friends’ “I mean they get a little close sometimes but they’re just really good friends they’ve known eachother forever.” I tried to brush it off. “Okay but weren’t we “just really good friends” once.“ She put emphasis on really good friends. What she was saying makes a lot of sense. I mean sometimes they act all couplely but that’s just their friendship or is it. I mean like I said before sometimes I get jealous but what could I do. YN POV We were now going on the bumper boats. The best part is getting to spray eachother with water from the boat tbh. “I think I’m going to put my hair in a bun so it doesn’t get that messed up.” Ally announce. “Good idea.” “I think I’m going to do that to.” “Pssh girls.” Hayes commented to which the boys agreed. “What about girls.” I said getting into his face while putting my hair up. “Oh nothing.” He said in a sing song voice. “Nothing my ass.” “You wanna go Y/Last/N.” He joked. “Yes I do.” Hayes grabbed my throwing me over his shoulders. Spinning me. “Hayes stop it.” I giggled. “Not so tough anymore are you.” “No I’m not so put me down.” I demanded. “Say Hayes is the bestest boyfriend in the whole world.” “Hayes is the bestest boyfriend in the world.” I laughed. He put me down. “Aww you two are so cute I want to vomit.” Kelly interjected. “Don’t.” Hayes whispered into my ear. “Stop being bitter because you’re single and no one would take a chance getting herpes by being with you.” Y/BFF/N chimed in for me. “Excuse me.” Kelly gawked. “I’m sorry, is it crabs that you have, not herpes or do you have both.” “You know what-” Kelly started. “What.” Y/BFF/N interrupted her. “Okay can’t we all just get along for one day.” Brandon asked getting between them. “No!” We informed him. It was our turn for bumper boats and Hayes and I got in the same one. I let Hayes drive but for the most part he let me press the button so the water would come out. There were high pitched squeals coming from the girls. “Hayes let’s take a selfie.” I said getting out my phone opening the camera. We took some of us both smiling and then Hayes kissed my lips for these last few. I felt water on me and dropped me phone in surprise. I dropped my phone out of shock and Hayes picked it up. I look up to see Kelly waving and laughing. *10 minutes later* Once we were back at the dock I hopped out. I saw Kelly walking towards us great. “Hayes let me help you.” She smiled grabbing his hand. He was still sitting. “No I’m good.” He said. “Don’t be silly.” She held his arm with both hands trying to pull him up. She let go of him and used her body weight and hands to push me. I gasped falling in. I swam to the dock as fast as I can. The girl who was working this attraction was too busy on her phone to notice anything unfortunately. Hayes pulled me up. “Are you okay?!” He exclaimed. “I’m so sorry YN it was an accident!” She rushed out. “My phone!” I squealed. “Don’t worry I have it from earlier.” Hayes said pulling it out of his pocket. “I think I’ll hold on to it for the rest of the night.” Kelly kept “apologizing” in the background. “It’s okay,Kels. YN knows you wouldn’t do it on purpose.” Hayes apologized for me and then looked at me for conformation. “It’s okay.” I said through a fake smile. That bitch. A/N: I’m so so so so so so so sorry to the anon that requested this. I had such bad writing block with this and I don’t know why. Ugh I’m so terrible I know. And I made this two parts. I’m sorry please forgive me. 😭😭😭 Don’t forget to VOTE HERE for the main boy in my new fanfiction. XO

I’m home from the hospital and there is nothing to write about except the pain so I’m not writing. my face is covered in bruises and I can feel the stitches pull every time I move. I am worried my niece will be scared of what I look like but she touches my skin softly and asks when I’m going to feel better. my little sister brings me ice and medicine and makes sure I’m eating dinner. my mother brushes my hair and pulls it back from my face. my father presses cream into the black around my eyes and promises I’ll be okay. he talks about a marathon, about this being the last mile, about the pain being close to over. my boyfriend compares me to a boxer, says he’s never seen anyone fight like this, promises I’m still beautiful. my older sister holds an ice pack to my face and reminds me to breathe. I avoid every mirror and stay as still as I can. I sleep. I touch the stitches. I try not to look at anyone. even when survival isn’t beautiful, it’s still survival. look at these scars, these bruises, these stitches. I’m still surviving.