I keep a lot of my true emotions bottled up and its not healthy. I act so hard all the time and I’m exhausted. I just need to start getting it out…
After all that has happened to me over the course of my life, my husband leaving me really is the final blow. My past abuse and him leaving me really are the two most traumtic things I’ve ever been through (invlolving men). I love men. I do. There are so many great men doing great things out in the world….
…But I don’t know how to believe there are any of those great men who want /me/. I don’t know how to believe anyone is actually genuinely interested in me. I don’t know how any guy wants me for anything but sex. I don’t know how to believe I won’t get hurt in one way or another. To be honest, I’m scared. I’m scared to get hurt, physically, emotionally, whatever. I have a lot of walls up and its just like my abuser told me all those years ago; “No one will ever really love you”.
I don’t know how to stop getting hurt.
I don’t know how to stop getting left behind.
I thought my husband was the one person who would love me forever and then my whole world fell apart. Even he couldnt really love me.
I just shut myself in and assume everyone just wants me for the wrong reasons.
I give 100% and I’m so loving.
I just want to be wanted too.