“Oh, hey, Ted... do you have a minute?”

Ted the Animator: “…oh no.”

Carl the Animator: “What?”

Ted the Animator: “You’re being calm and polite. That’s never a good sign.”

Carl the Animator: “It’s no big deal, just a quick question. Remember last spring when you said I could direct the aesthetic of the next show ?”

Ted the Animator: “…no? Not at all?”

Carl the Animator: “It was a maybe-3-AM session… you were mumbling, face down, in a plate of pad thai….”

Ted the Animator: “Still no memory, but I do feel overtime should pay more if one wakes up after with noodles on their forehead.”

Carl the Animator: “True. Now, you know the stuff I’m best at, right?”

Ted the Animator: “Stealing my pens?”

Carl the Animator: “No, in animation, you dingus.”

Ted the Animator: “…bumping cels?”

Carl the Animator: “No! Exaggerated action! Smears! Tornado Discus Scooby!

Ted the Animator: “Ohhhhhhh! Actually, yeah, I can’t deny you’re good at ‘em, even though they come out terrifying half the time.”

Carl the Animator: “That’s no mistake. It’s just the way Shaggy would look if designed by Pablo Picasso. That’s vision, right there.”

Ted the Animator: “…I don’t like where this conversation is headed.”

Carl the Animator: “Look, this’ll be a show for little kids, right? Kids like wild, insane, over-the-top action.”

Ted the Animator: “…I think you’re thinking of BMX bikers, but I get the gist.”

Carl the Animator: “Wild bed-bouncing! Weird motion! Bodies moving all creepy and flowy like sock monkeys filled with jello!”

Ted the Animator: “…wait, what?

Carl the Animator: “We need smears. Lots of smears. Dozens, if not hundreds, all of the most exquisite nature!”

Ted the Animator: “…4-eyed-Scooby is gonna haunt my nightmares now.”

Carl the Animator: “Constant, madness! It’ll keep the little buggers engaged while mom goes to get a smoke.”

Ted the Animator: “These aren’t 1950s educational shorts, Carl.”

Carl the Animator: “More eyes! As many eyes as the frames can hold! A cornucopia of corneas!

Ted the Animator: “…um…”

Carl the Animator: “Stretchiness is key as well. The human spine should be a spring that puts Tigger to shame!”

Ted the Animator: “Well… that’s at least a little more normal in animation, ok.”

Carl the Animator: “Stretches that – when compressed horizontally – offer a mortifying vision of the denizens of The Abyss!

Ted the Animator: “…I stand corrected, and increasingly creeped out.”

Carl the Animator: “Surrealism! Every frame, a–…

…ok, I’m all out of monologue. Sanity is restored.”

Ted the Animator: “I don’t know whether to applaud or call a psychiatrist.”

Carl the Animator: “Well, on top of the obvious, wha’d’ya think?”

Ted the Animator: “I’m all for mixing things up, but… won’t it get old, having this much insanity in only one episode?”

Carl the Animator: “…who said anything about one episode? This plus waaaaay more is all gonna happen in the first 3 minutes of episode 1*

*no, seriously, it actually does

Ted the Animator: “…ohhhhhhhhhhhhh my.”

Carl the Animator: “Bask in the glory.”

Ted the Animator: “This is either going to be a masterpiece, a disaster, or a disasterpiece.”

Carl the Animator: “Get ready, fine art scene. A Pup Named Scooby-Doo is comin’ to town.”

The Types and Their Level of Scariness
  • INTJ: At first they might seem worrisome because of their intense stare and nihilistic sentiments, but all it takes is one harsh critique about something important to them and they'll crumble. Their bark is infinitely worse than their bite. Will write a series of salty "blind item" blog entries about you for months. 6/10; too passive-aggressive to be truly scary.
  • INFJ: Hard to get to know, but when they like you, they REALLY like you and you'd better not do anything to break their trust because all of those warm, fuzzy feelings will 180 into pure end-times-level wrath. If you've ever encountered an angry INFJ, you've seen the face of the devil himself. 10/10; scary af
  • ENTJ: While they're capable of verbally disemboweling someone they dislike, they won't actually come after you unless they're bored and feel like starting drama for shits and giggles. Threw a punch once and didn't like it too much. Will tell you to go choke on a bag of dicks with the biggest, brightest smile on their face. 6/10; scary only in theory
  • ENFJ: They love you so, SO much and they want you to do your absolute BEST at EVERYTHING you EVER do like REALLY really, so when you don't meet their expectations, they will get more and more assertive about you achieving your dreams (read: their dreams) until they eventually snap and stab you to death in your sleep. 9/10; file a restraining order and you might be okay.
  • INTP: Too lazy to truly get mad about anything. The only really scary thing about INTPs is their complete disregard for cleanliness. You'll find Chinese takeout boxes from six months ago covered in maggots by their bed, but you won't find nary a discouraging word coming out of their mouths. Only does damage to living things in RPGs. 2/10; scary hygiene but harmless.
  • INFP: Is someone who spends a lot of time writing poetry, getting drunk and crying hysterically about things that happened ten years ago really that scary? I mean, they'll probably throw a whiskey glass or a vase in your general direction and curse you out for a solid ten minutes, but then they'll go right back to crying in fetal position. 4/10; just walk away, dude.
  • ENTP: They'll fuck with you just for the sake of having something to do that day. They'll fuck with you sometimes for no reason whatsoever. They fuck with people because it's just in their nature. Occasionally they'll take things too far and you'll wind up in the hospital but probably never in a morgue. Might send you flowers during your hospital stay. 8/10; scary neurotic
  • ENFP: They're either your best friend or your worst enemy and there is literally no in-between. Sometimes they'll get mad at you for reasons you don't even understand. Rarely ever will they try to physically harm you, though. They'll just whine about "fake people" in their DeviantART journal and mope about for a long time before randomly deciding you're their friend again. 4/10; Super confusing but not scary.
  • ISTJ: The embodiment of "walk softly and carry a big stick". Will sit outside of your bedroom window for days with a shotgun, ready for you to make a wrong move so they can blow you to smithereens. Don't try calling the police, because they're probably a police officer or at least connected to one in some way. In other words, you're fucked. 10/10; lawful evil personified.
  • ISFJ: They love you with all their hearts but they also hate the things you do, ie "love the sin, hate the sinner". Usually harmless, but some of them quickly lose their shit when double-crossed. Might mix poison in your sweet tea and then bury you underneath a bed of roses in the backyard. Prays for your certainly-damned soul every night before supper. 7/10, only scary when provoked.
  • ESTJ: Their big mouths and intense, confrontational attitudes can put the fear of God into you, but for an ESTJ to truly be scary, they'd have to physically harm you and they don't want to jeopardize their careers over something that foolish. Will judge you hardcore from afar but that's about it. 5/10; talks shit but you won't get hit.
  • ESFJ: They're the undisputed champions of guilt-trips, and they'll guilt-trip you over things so incessantly that you might suffer a loss of self-worth in the process, which could lead to severe depression and no will to live. Will attend your post-suicide funeral in a really expensive dress and tell mourners how you could have "really been something". 6/10; scary shady
  • ISTP: No chill towards people they dislike. They will straight-up brutalize your ass in one-on-one combat and you will lose. Will put you in the hospital, wait until you've been released, and THEN put you in a morgue. Probably will laugh about killing you over cold ones with the boys for decades to come. 10/10; cold-blooded killers.
  • ISFP: There is no such thing as a scary ISFP. They might get hurt with you but they just let that shit go after a while. More likely to channel their negative feelings into an artistic outlet than something destructive. No time for pettiness or holding grudges. 0/10; anti-scary saviors
  • ESTP: Also has no chill towards people they dislike, but their hair-brained schemes at revenge are often poorly executed. Will threaten to "beat your ass" for months but won't actually do it unless they're drunk or high. Once they do get physically aggressive towards you though, you are deader than dead. 7/10; flee town before things escalate.
  • ESFP: Often incorrigibly shallow, they'll start rumors to sully the reputation of their enemies before they'd actually consider getting their hands dirty. Rarely ever starts fights but they sure do love jumping into other peoples' fights and finishing them. Will get one of their besties to film the entire beat-down and put it on Snapchat. Hair and makeup somehow stays flawless the entire time. 3/10; more petty than scary.