• Tommy:Let’s play ‘Roommate or Dog’.
  • Tommy:What do you do at the park with Clint?
  • Kate:Oh, we just walk around. He gets antsy if he doesn’t get outside enough, and then it’s just yap yap yap, all day long.
  • Billy:Hey, what’s Clint’s favourite food?
  • Kate:Peanut butter! He’ll eat it right out of the jar!
  • Teddy:How old is Clint again?
  • Kate:Well, he’s getting up there, but he’s pretty spry for his age, especially considering he got hit by that car a year ago.
  • Tommy:Oh, that’s so awful. Was he chasing something into the street, or…?
  • Kate:Just getting me the newspaper.
  • Tommy:Alright, this is useless. Kate, is Clint your roommate or your dog?
  • Kate:*offended* How could you ask me that?
  • Tommy:I still don’t know which it is.
SIT THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE I’M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT DAVID ALLEYNE


Have you heard of him? Probably not, but I’m gonna give you fuckers a crash course on this sexy ass motherfucker real quick.

David was always pretty damn smart as a kid (like you probably when you were reading on a college level in elementary school or some shit), but when his mutation got kick started, HE GOT SMART AS HELL. AS IN HE WAS ABSORBING PEOPLE’S KNOWLEDGE RIGHT OUT OF THEIR FRIGGIN HEADS. HE GOT TO THE X INSTITUTE AND THEY GAVE HIM THE CODE NAME PRODIGY BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING BAMF.

SO, instead of being all cocky and douchey like I’m pretty sure I would be if I had just become a human search engine, HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE THAT HIS KNOWLEDGE IS LEGIT AND BECOMES A GENIUS IN HIS OWN RIGHT.

Flash forward and he’s been a member of the The New X-Men, the New Mutants, AND THE FUCKING YOUNG AVENGERS. He even got depowered by the Scarlet Witch on M-Day and still managed to be a fucking bad ass because realized that he could keep all the knowledge that he had absorbed and has a fucking SUPER BRAIN like PROFESSOR X AND THE BEAST.

Oh yeah, did I forget? HE’S OPENLY BISEXUAL. THAT’S RIGHT. EAT YOUR HEART OUT, FOLKS, AN OPENLY BISEXUAL BLACK MUTANT (he did kiss Hulking, though, scandalous)!

IN CONCLUSION, if you want a sexy, smart, bisexual, genius mutant to follow in Marvel comics, LOOK NO FURTHER BECAUSE THIS GUY IS ALL YOU NEED.