However general or specific you like

4 MORE DAYS

It’s almost time; 4 days left for theme submissions.

Thank you so much for all the submissions so far. As always, we’re blown away by the response and the ideas shared.

However, we’ve been receiving a handful of prompts, instead of themes. Prompt is a specific idea or scenario, like “Blaine is a student and Sebastian is a teacher” while theme is a more general topic, like “College/High school AU”.

Themes give a wider berth for writers/artists/etc to work with creatively as it depends on their interpretation. Prompts are more restrictive and Seblaine Week is anything but restrictive.

So with that in mind, keep those themes coming. All received prompts will be distilled to theme form at our discretion. If you’ve submitted a prompt and have your own theme form in mind to replace/amend the prompt, feel free to resubmit them.

The ask box will be closed on Saturday, May 27th (according to your respective timezones) and we’ll begin compiling the submissions to get the polls ready for voting.

Please refer to this post for more on submissions and send as many themes here.

COME AND GET EXCITED!

anonymous asked:

Do Japanese people understand the meaning of soulmates? Because I saw some tweets and people were confused and even disappointed. Like wtf? Anyway can you please write your own understanding of being soulmates?

I’m probably not the most qualified to answer this, so maybe @fencer-x wouldn’t mind chiming in a bit? But from what I know and have seen it looks like the concept of soulmates in Japan isn’t that different from the West. I don’t really feel comfortable getting into how extensive the Japanese understanding of soulmate is.

For what it’s worth, I have seen zero negative response on my TL. So, I’m not sure where those people are coming from.

As for me, personally? I feel fandom, as a general whole, not just any specific fandom, has sort of taken the idea of soul mate and made it something concretely romantic. However, the concept is that of someone who perfectly completes you, is your other half, and while that often has a romantic end, it’s not in the definition. A soul mate can be a romantic partner, most often the concept is used romantically, but it can also be a best friend.

Have you ever heard the What’s A Soulmate? audio? That’s basically my perfect definition of a soulmate.

As for Kubo’s use of soulmate and it being related to the rings Yuuri and Victor exchanged, that’s a pretty heavy romantic implication. The ring exchange scene itself is already clearly romantic and to try and say it’s just friendly is pretty ignorant, imo, especially with the knowledge that there is no discrimination of love in the YOI world. To say, on top of that, that those rings are a symbol that Yuuri and Victor are soulmates? That’s the romantic concept. Flat out. They are two pieces of one whole, souls meant for each other, a perfect union.

ree-fireparrot  asked:

How realistic or unrealistic are battle couples, provided they have sufficient mental discipline? Is it even realistic to have two people working together to fight the same opponent hand-to-hand, or is focusing on both your opponent and your partner too much? What if one person is a distraction (by fighting the opponent head-on) so the other person can stab them in the back, so to speak? Is that too risky?

You’re asking a lot of questions here and most of them have absolutely nothing to do with having a romantic relationship with your working partner.

Some things first:

1) The relationship between a battle couple and any platonic working partnership are not really any different in most cases except that they share a romantic relationship.

2) You don’t need a functional or professional partnership or partnership at all to fight in a group or gang up on an individual.

3) Fraternization just as often falls into casual sex as it does a romantic relationship, if not more often.

4) Almost none of what you’re asking has to do with romance.

Falling in love on the battlefield happens, it happens a lot. Combat is a high stress environment and people are people. Just because something isn’t a good idea or is unprofessional doesn’t mean it won’t happen, it just means you’ve got an added benefit of complications.

Some people can handle romantic relationships with an SO who also engages in combat, even one who engages in combat with them. Those are the ones who can compartmentalize between being on the battlefield and being off it. However, if they can’t (there is a very good possibility that they can’t) then it becomes a real problem. When they can’t handle the stress or the distraction, if they can’t put the romance aside, then their relationship puts everyone at risk, including their mission.

When you’re fighting, especially with a goal in mind, one person’s life cannot be more important than the mission.

It takes a significant amount of trust for a battle couple to function because their romantic partner cannot afford to jump in and save them when things start going sideways. Both participants need to be the kind of people that when the choice is between their partner or the mission, they choose the mission.

This concept is one that’s very difficult to grasp if you’re setting out to write a romance, because most of the normal steps you’d take to fulfill that romance will leave the battle couple hamstrung and unable to function. You can’t have the guy or girl jumping in to save their guy or girl when it looks like they’re about to die, they have to trust their partner to save themselves.

That is hard.

This is a very difficult state to handle emotionally. Imagine, you are at risk of losing your loved one at all times and you can’t do a damn thing about it. You can’t obsess or brood over it, because you can’t afford that kind of distraction. Whether they’re right in front of you or on a battlefield somewhere else, you can’t think about it. You’ve got to focus on keeping yourself alive, because that keeps everyone else alive, and by doing what you can you help to ensure the survival of both your loved one and your team. You’ve got to do your job, even when you’re about to lose everything you ever gave a damn about and its within your power to stop it.

A true battle couple is one who exists in complete equality, trust, and partnership with their significant other on the battlefield. They keep a cool head and a cool heart while in the midst of gut wrenching emotional turmoil. They don’t baby, they don’t hover, they don’t keep a careful eye on, and they don’t obsess until the fighting’s over. They don’t sacrifice their own life or their own body to keep their lover from getting injured. They don’t break position.

If they do any of the above, they will both die and so will anyone who is relying on them. If you are writing characters where the relationship is more important than the mission, more important than the team, more important than surviving the fight in front them then you have, narratively speaking, a serious problem.

This is not a bad one to have in a story or an unrealistic one in life, romantic relationships on the battlefield are built around this concept, but it does need to be addressed. If its not, tragedy strikes.

If you’re writing a battle couple, you need two characters who when faced with the choice between saving their loved one and stopping the bomb from blowing up downtown Manhattan, they pick the bomb.

And, in fiction, that’s not normally what love is.

It also has to be both of them, they both need this very specific outlook to function while in combat together. If one has it, but the other doesn’t then tragedy strikes. If neither have it, tragedy strikes. They need to be on the same page.

The reason why the military and other combat groups prohibit fraternization is because romantic relationships inevitably fuck everything up. If they can handle it, great. However, the all to likely outcome, for either one or both parties involved, is they can’t.

They’ll do it anyway though, because people are people.

When you engage in violence, that violence and training separates you from the general population. You’ve been through experiences that most people cannot comprehend or relate to and that makes maintaining relationships difficult. There’s a lot to be said for being in a relationship with someone of similar background, who can empathize with your experiences, who has been through what you’ve been through. You don’t need to look much further than the rate of divorce among the FBI or CIA to understand just how difficult maintaining a relationship in an incredibly stressful environment is.

As humans, we crave having a partner we can relate to. With whom we can share our secrets. Who won’t judge us for the terrible things we’ve done. When you have to rely on each other for survival, attraction, desire, even love becomes easy. It’s often a false sense of connection built on desperation, one which if born inside the environment won’t function outside of it, but that doesn’t mean it feels any less real.

When you might die tomorrow, sometimes you just want to feel something, anything at all, and that’s where the causal sex comes in.


Casual Sex:

In mixed gender units, casual sex is really common. Not romantic relationships, mind. It’s just sex, and it doesn’t go any further than that. It’s desperation, it is all about sensation, and a reminder for the participants that they are alive.

When dealing with these types of relationships in your fiction, its important to remember that the emotional component is neither needed nor wanted. They’re not looking for comfort. They’re looking for sensation, to feel something before they (potentially) die.

Because the author controls everything in their fictional world, it can often become difficult to remember and insert qualities like the random chance of dealing with the unknown. We’ve often got characters that are necessary to the plot, who become identified as “safe”, and behave differently because they know they’re going to live through the fight or battle to get to the end of the story.

It becomes important to learn to live in the moment. To live in the twilight hour on the night before a battle, to be unsure, when the character doesn’t know what will happen next. If you don’t then there is a whole array of human emotions, experiences, and terrible choices that you’ll never touch on in your fiction.

If you don’t, you’ll be all the poorer for it.

The Two on One Battle: Real.

You don’t need to be in a relationship, or even particularly well-trained, to accomplish this. Two versus one happens a lot and the pair off usually wins because eight limbs trumps four. One person locks up the individual, the other circles and attacks on vectors they can’t defend from. We’re social animals. Our natural instincts will help us more when we’re fighting in a group as opposed to fighting alone.

1 v Group is a bad situation to be in if you’re the one, and it doesn’t matter how well trained you are. Numbers will kill you.

Part of the reason why you see single characters fighting groups in movies and other fiction is to establish that they’re great fighters. The problem is that this has become so widespread that we now think fighting a group is easier than fighting a single, skilled individual. This is untrue. The group will kill you because the individuals within the group can move onto vectors that cannot be defended.

What your describing in your question in a battle between three people in a two on one is normal behavior, its standard tactics. However, you’re also demonstrating the exact kind of behavior for why two people engaged in a romantic relationship should not be on the battlefield together.

If you’re ever sitting there and wondering if something that is a basic and bog standard tactic is now, suddenly, too dangerous because your characters are dating then that is the exact problem.

Things that are normal suddenly become too risky, and the focus transitions to preserving their lover’s life rather than making use of their significant advantage over their enemy.

That is the exact kind of thinking which will cost them their lives, and for no benefit at all.

Good job.

-Michi

This blog is supported through Patreon. If you enjoy our content, please consider becoming a Patron. Every contribution helps keep us online, and writing. If you already are a Patron, thank you.

The thing is, mental illnesses are all subjective and affect each individual differently. Some disorders are seen as more ‘extreme’ or ‘severe’ than others- but it’s vital that to understand that each person will be affected by their disorders differently.

For example, a person may have psychosis and an anxiety disorder. In general, psychosis is seen as a more severe disorder than anxiety. However, for this specific person, their anxiety may affect them a lot more than their psychosis (e.g. Their hallucinations may be easily ignored, by their anxiety affects their life constantly in terms of social interaction). In another person, they may be able to work around their anxiety, but their psychosis may be overwhelming and prevent the functionality that they’d like to have.

This is why it’s vital to understand that whilst generalisations in terms of disorder severity may be useful in diagnostic/treatment terms, you must take into account individual experiences- don’t assume the effect people’s disorders have on them.

Beta Reader Alignment Chart

Positive Vague: “omg yaas”

Positive Honest: “I actually loved this a lot. Some things were weird but overall this is great.”

Positive Specific: “I love the way you’ve done these things. Especially this detail, and this piece of worldbuilding really intrigued me for these reasons.”

Neutral Vague: “idk lol”

Neutral Honest: “Some things were good, some things weren’t so good. You need to work more on some things. Keep it up.”

Neutral Specific: “I liked these parts a lot, especially how you did this. Do more of that. This, however, was really bad. Here’s my suggestions on how you could improve it.”

Negative Vague: “lmao no”

Negative Honest: “I respect the work you’ve put into this, but honestly, it’s not really my thing. Sorry.”

Negative Specific: “I hate this and this and this and this. In general, I disliked most of this. You did this badly. Here’s how you can improve it, but don’t hope too much, scrub.” 

Medical Astrology

❝   Medical astrology (traditionally known as iatromathematics) is an ancient medical system that associates various parts of the body, diseases, and drugs as under the influence of the sun, moon, and planets, along with the twelve astrological signs. ❞

Medical Astrology has been practiced for centuries over centuries and still remains in practice to this day - although it became much humbler as modern medicine evolved and astrology transformed into something wildly interpreted as “humbug”. Even some of those who study astrology still seem to have a false understanding of what exactly medical astrology is and therefore don’t believe in it themselves.

So to clear up any possible misconceptions before I start: Medical Astrology is NOT the stars telling you that you’re going to have a specific condition because one of your placements suggests it. As with most other things, there’s a lot that comes into play: Other placements, on one hand, but especially, and I really want to stress this, things like how you treat your body, accidents that you may get into, DNA, … you get the drift.

I already mentioned it, but medical astrology only SUGGESTS higher risks for specific ailments. It does NOT predict them. (Transits, however, CAN - but even they don’t promise for you to get the disease or whatever ailment is supposed to happen. This is another topic, though.)

Having said that, I will make another post for very specific conditions, for this one I’ll only talk about some general things like what signs/houses/planets rule what body part and what role everything plays. Also, I do NOT take responsibility for what you do with this information. I’m not trying to scare anyone, I’m just passing on some of my knowledge.


SIGNS & HOUSES

  • Aries/1st House: rules head, face (and everything in it), brain, hair, vision
  • Taurus/2nd House: rules throat, voice/vocal cords/tract, neck, thyroid, weight
  • Gemini/3rd House: rules hands, arms, nerve system, shoulders, lungs, brain
  • Cancer/4th House: rules alimentary canal, breasts/chest, stomach
  • Leo/5th House: rules heart, chest, upper back, spinal column, spine
  • Virgo/6th House: rules intestines, nervous system, digestive system, spleen
  • Libra/7th House: rules skin, lumbar region, kidneys, buttocks, lower back
  • Scorpio/8th House: rules genitalia, bowels, reproductive & excretory system
  • Sagittarius/9th House: rules thighs, hips, sciatic nerve, liver
  • Capricorn/10th House: rules skeletal system, knees, joints
  • Aquarius/11th House: rules calves, ankles, circulatory system
  • Pisces/12th House: rules feet, toes, adipose tissue, lymphatic system


PLANETS

  • Sun: general vitality, spine, heart
  • Moon: digestive & lymphatic system, stomach, female organs
  • Mercury: central nervous system, hands, brain
  • Venus: throat, kidneys, ovaries
  • Mars: muscles, head, adrenal glands
  • Jupiter: growth, pituaitary gland, liver
  • Saturn: skin, hair, bones, teeth, immune system, spleen
  • Uranus: neural activity, aura, parathyroid gland
  • Neptune: pineal gland
  • Pluto: metabolism, pancreas

Now we know what the involved parts represent, but not why and how that is. So to use medical astrology properly we have to make the connections between these aspects (hint: aspects can play a role too, but one usually puts more emphasis on houses/signs + planets) and know about some common themes:

  • SATURN suggests struggles & weakness in the assigned body part(s) of the sign/house he resides in.
    • e.g.: Saturn in Gemini and 5th suggests trouble with breathing properly (in extreme cases ailments like asthma) and back problems
  • URANUS often makes for “abnormalities” or strange/unusual conditions.
    • e.g.: Uranus in Taurus and 3rd can indicate rapidly changing weight and somewhat differently formed fingers (in extreme cases things like swan neck fingers)
  • STELLIA can cause trouble due to the excessive amount of energy bundled in (a) certain body part(s).
    • e.g.: An Aries (head/brain) stellium can make for strong or chronical headaches
  • EXTREME DOMINANCE works like a stellium as long as the dominance is very prominent.
  • CHALLENGING ASPECTS can lead to trouble as well -  one has to look at the planets involved and the houses/signs they’re in for this one to know more.
    • e.g.: A VERY afflicted/”damaged” sun in the 6th might in extreme cases indicate a heightened potential to suffer of a heart attack.

      I of course didn’t cover every theme, every aspect, everything that is important, but with your new-earned knowledge you should have a solid and basic foundation with which you should be able to work. As I already said, I’ll make a separate post with very specific ailments which I will also describe (the why and how) that I will then link in this one.

      As Medical Astrology is its own branch of astrology and therefore gets more and more complex the more you dive into it, my ask box is always open if you should need clarification or help with interpreting something.

      Breathing Life

      Dolls and poppets are utilized across many faiths, however often witches neglect to “breath life” into them. Not doing so doesn’t make them wholly ineffective, however going the extra step really amps up the potency, especially when using it as sympathetic magic or creating a protective being! It’s a relatively simple step, but highly dependent upon which path you follow. I’ll briefly cover my methodology.

      Foremost, I would like to specify the difference between the two types of dolls I utilize. One being sympathetic magic, the one most often thought of when people think of dolls and witchcraft. Voodoo dolls. This is a misnomer, as the common portrayal off voodoo dolls in media have skewed the original purpose of such dolls. Originally the dolls were used by practitioners not to affect people, but as a guide to the sufferers ailments and treatments – more akin to a “medical chart.” However, they have since (and really, in European magical traditions for centuries) been used to heal or harm a specific victim in which the doll was made to their likeness. This is a sympathetic doll, made in their likeness, usually incorporating some sort of personal affect (hair, clothing, blood, etc.).

      The second type, and the kind I most often use, are dolls not based on any individual, but instead exist to act as a guardian of sorts or facilitate change/growth/health/etc. These are unique and very much a product of your imagination. Create them to be whatever you see fit.

      That being said, let’s begin;;

      Sympathetic Dolls: Begin by first, stitching the doll together in the likeness of he/she you wish to influence. You can be as general or as specific as you want – matching hair, eyes, facial features, build are all common concepts. Traditionally the dolls were stuffed with Spanish Moss (most probably due to the abundance in the American South) however you can stuff it with anything you have on hand. If you have anything of the persons, now would be the time to use it, hair can be wrapped and stuffed in the doll, pieces of their clothes can be folded and placed inside, blood should be on a scrap of cloth, dried and then added.

      Once the doll is complete and you’re satisfied with its image (in truth, dolls have been made out of anything and everything, the only crucial step is the following), you must give it life. For sympathetic dolls, this can be as simple or difficult as you wish. I prefer to take the simple route and sit with the doll and focus intently on the person you wish to connect to it. I then mentally stitch the spirit of the person to the doll (either at the heart or at the feet – as a short of shadow). Vocalize your intent and revel in your creation.

      Conceptual Dolls/Guardians: These are my personal favorites to create, in all honesty. I find poppets to be a lot of extra work, however they are useful in remote healing/hexing. These, as I mentioned, are beings of your thoughts. Tulpas, in a way. Begin by gathering your materials and ideas. Create a doll to symbolize whatever you wish to accomplish. As far as this tutorial goes, I’ll use the example of a Guardian or a doll for protection. It can look however you wish, and be as simple as sticks tied together, to the most intricately created doll you could muster. I, personally, stick with a small doll (no bigger than 8 or 10 inches) with yarn hair, simple clothing and a painted face. I often stuff mine with herbs associated with my will, as well as batting and sometimes stray scraps of fabric.

      After your doll is complete, take it to the Crossroads. It can be a door, a gate (I use the gate of a remote cemetery near me), a cemetery, even a maternity ward if you’re that committed and light a candle. Fill your mind with intention, then connect with the energy of your crossroads. Feel the planes converge, and bend this erratic energy to your will, funneling it through your consciousness and into your doll. See the energy shape, bend, coalesce into a being of your intent and give it a Name, as there is much power in a Name. Connect its energy to our physical plane by allowing it refuge within the fabric of the doll you have created. Leave a gift at the Crossroads, and blow out your candle, sealing in the doll’s spirit. Use it as you desire, but do not neglect it.

      Thus ends this tutorial!

      Best of luck,

      Q

      I couldn’t upload this as soon as I wanted to, but this chart is the non-spoilery version of the romances. Any available details from the guide will be below the cut and will be in alphabetical order. 

      General info and tips will be first, then I’m posting details regarding each romance. These are only the details present in the guide. I am only like 7 hours into the game and haven’t even gotten Peebee yet. 

      THIS GETS SPECIFIC. THERE BE [~mild] SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 

      Keep reading

      anonymous asked:

      How do typical metalbending styles differ from earthbending ones?

      There are actually a few distinctions to be made here. However, one the main difference between earthbending and metalbending forms is that metalbending is much more hands on, using very precise hand and wrist movements to manipulate the metal. 

      Getting into specifics though with how different metalbeders bend differently, first we have Toph’s style. Having grown up and lived just when people were starting to learn to combine different styles (I’m looking at you, Team Avatar), her metalbending style is very much like the classic style of earthbending, in the sense that she is very much grounded, and uses strong stances and arm movements when she metalbends. 

      Zaofu’s general style is also very much like classic earthbending with its strong stances, though I’ve noticed a little more flexibility with their moves. 

      Kuvira’s style, as I mentioned before, is based on the Northern style of snake kung fu, which combines a strong, rooted stance, with quick strikes of the arm, which is great for her style of metalbending. 

      The most interesting though is Republic City Police style. Unlike other metalbenders, they’re really light on their feet when they’re on duty (this is usually assuming that they’re using their cables, and not doing heavy duty meta;bending where a strong stance is much more helpful). And, because they’re in the air a lot and swing from cables, it’s really useful for them use a style of metalbending that almost resembles airbending with its light footwork and midair spins 

      anonymous asked:

      You mentioned in your tags that on that one picture of Ui might be this Empress tarot card, but that it represents fertility and life. Do you think that, if it indeed the tarot card number, that it is metaphorical. Ui basically becomes an enabler to Furuta here, and I got this inkling that Ishida is angling here that such motives incidentally lead to abuses that Ui may well allow Furuta to commit.

      I talked about it a little bit here [x

      The empress is the archetypal card of fertility, not only is she being associated with Demeter the earth mother, Freyja the goddess of fertility, but she also has the symbol of Venus on her pillow, love, creativity, beauty, etc… It’s a card for fertility but most specifically feminine fertility, ie, giving birth. 

      This capacity of women to give birth and create life can be metaphorical or literal. 

      In this case it’s metaphorical, two men attempting to make life. They’re also giving life, or at least deciding the details of life for a woman. That’s just one way to see it though, it could also just be an indiciation of what Furuta and Ui are genuinely deciding upon. If you remove the gender angle, Ui and Furuta are still deciding to be parents basically. Both of the 100 quinx children already, but also of whatever will be born of their attempts to resurrect. By cooperating, Ui is also sharing in the responsibility for that creation.

      At the same time, Furuta is repeating also the only form of parenthood he knows. He was one of hundreds of disposable children, birthed only to further the ends of the Washuu after all. Now, the only way he can treat his children, or see parenthood between him and Rize is by creating hundreds of useful tools at the cost of the mother. 

      In this same chapter also see, Touka lounging surrounded by flowers much like the empress is in her tarot card. She’s specifically however, blood red in the stomach. 

      This is the same chapter in which Touka proposes sex to Kaneki to start out their conversation, and also says something along these lines.

      Blood on the stomach, it can either represent pregnancy or miscarriage, but thematic it has a lot of resonance with feminine sexuality in general. It appears not one chapter away from when the empress was invoked. 

      There’s a lot of potential for what it could mean, I hope my thoughts helped you a little anon. 

      Crappy banner is crappy, let’s just say I know my way around Picmonkey (someone please stop me)

      Anyway, I woke up to 700 followers and I’m so so grateful! I really do appreciate all of you for taking the time to look at my blog, check out my (inconsistent) creations, and give me a follow! To celebrate that, and honestly just because I love doing things like this for you all, I’m holding a sort of mini celebration.

      • You must reblog this post and be following my dorky self to join. If this gets less than 15 notes I’ll melt into a puddle of embarrassment
      • Just send me the emoji that corresponds to what you’d like to have (Or, y’know, just tell me what you’d like, I’m not picky)

        Anyway, here’s what I’m offering:

      🎂 You can still join my birthday page! Just send me your name and birthdate. You’ll get a gushy message and a promo from me on your birthday.

      💌 A blog compliment

      ✉️  A piece of blog advice. You can ask for specific advice if you like!
      (Disclaimer: This will be partly based on my opinion, and of course I don’t mean to hurt your feelings! When it comes down to it, your blog is yours and you’re completely free to run it however you like.)

      🎀 A general aesthetic (format below the cut)

      ⚡ A Harry Potter aesthetic (format below the cut)

      I’m not going to set a limit, but keep in mind that the more you ask for, the more time it’ll take me!

      If you don’t want to see these, blacklist fb700

      Keep reading

      New blogs to follow?

      Yoooo I really need new people to follow but am truly afraid of just following on a whim because like, there’s just so much shit on my dash nowadays that leads me to ultimately unfollowing people

      SO

      If you post 2 or more of the following:

      Dragon Age (specifically Cullen, Dorian, Fenris and Sera)
      Elder Scrolls (specifically Skyrim/Oblivion)
      Mass Effect: Andromeda
      Disney (Just…anything really lol)
      Dreamworks (I love HTTYD and Prince of Egypt :D)
      LotR/The Hobbit
      Star Wars
      Voltron
      Cute animals (i.e. hedgehogs and dogs, possibly baby hippos)
      Positivity posts for life/positivity in general

      Maybe give this a like or reblog and I’ll check you out? :3

      HOWEVER if you’re a person that constantly reblogs or makes character/game/ship critical posts or negative shit or politics or anything questionable DO NOT BOTHER. Seriously. Stay under your bridge.

      anonymous asked:

      oh! compulsory heteronormativity is a lesbian-specific term?? :0 i didnt know that-- does that mean gay dudes arent allowed to use that term?? i had been talking abt stuff like that w a gay friend of mine and ill let him know its not the right word if thats what you meant ^^

      ive seen other wlw use the term wrt how they experience heteronormativity and how theyre also pressured to be with men and the general ovelap between heteronormativity and misogyny,

      however i think it’d be better for you to just use heteronormativity in the context you brought up.

      anonymous asked:

      Do you think that people who are insecure will naturally become monogamous and people who aren't will become polyamorous?

      I’m not sure how to interpret this, tbh. I think “insecurity” is a vague enough concept that I don’t know what would count as a person who lacks insecurity.

      Is it insecure to be worried about your partner leaving you if they literally just told you they would? Or is this just “having preferences over whether your partner dates you”? Do they need to be irrational (and how is “irrational” to be defined)? And are we only counting people with irrational fears about relationships or about anything? Is a person who feels scared when they stand on a glass roof insecure?

      So I’ll instead try to define a specific value - how regularly and intensely one experiences fears about one’s relationship(s) - and call people who have more of this (holding the behaviour of their partner(s) constant) “more insecure”. This gives us “insecurity” as a personality trait. How much fear one feels can obviously go up and down depending on what one’s partner does, but people who will respond with more fear than others in identical situations can be thought of as more insecure for this purpose.

      So, does being more insecure cause you to be more monogamous. It probably does for a lot of people! And, for others, the reverse might be true!

      “Wait, what?” you may ask. “How can that be?” Well, I’ll give the example of my own case:


      I have been a pretty insecure person (in the general, not relationship-specific sense) for a very long time, which is not too surprising given my backstory. However, until I first started dating (two years ago), I didn’t know what it would be like to be in a relationship.

      I had a major advantage out the gate in understanding how to build good relationships, due to reading a lot and knowing people with good relationships that I could model. Nonetheless, I had no idea what being in a relationship felt like. Turns out it felt extremely tenuous.

      I had a whole suite of insecurities; most of which were related to the newness of relationships. I felt as unlovable as back when no one would date me and was terrified that, if I let any opportunity pass me by, I’d never find a girlfriend again. I continued to have the suspicion that everyone secretly hated me that I’d held since primary school, which made it hard to trust that any given person would stick around, and made me want to distribute my risk. I was afraid that the rules around what others considered “cheating” were obscure and unknowable. And also, like, my own jealousy was a thing.

      Given the particular cluster of insecurities, polyamory was the obvious choice. Three soul-crushing anxieties pushing me one way beat the one pushing me the other. For over a year, being polyamorous was clearly the best way I could satisfice my preferences. But, over time, most of my insecurities faded, leaving behind almost nothing besides the jealousy. So now I’m way less insecure and have a way stronger natural leaning toward monogamy. Funny how that works.

      (Note that I continue to date polyamorously, because the switching costs to becoming monogamous would not be worth it. This is just to say that the type of person I am is better suited to monogamy than polyamory now. My actually love life is poly.)


      Why did my anti-mono insecurities go away while my anti-poly insecurity didn’t? Honestly, I really don’t know. To some extent, the jealousy did go away, as it’s now something like 30%-50% as bad as it used to be. On the other hand, everything else is less than 5% as bad as it originally was, so that’s a pretty big gap. It’s also a pretty annoying order in which to self-improve, given that my life continues to be poly. But I do have some guesses about why it happened in that particular order:

      Experience: Most of my insecurities were about things that were gradually proven by my own experiences to not be that important. After a year of it happening very consistently, I stopped being completely shocked that I attracted romantic interest from other girls. I found that the people around me probably didn’t hate me, because they had too much ADHD to play a con this long. (It didn’t hurt that I could see other people having fears of being hated and notice that theirs were irrational.)

      Somewhat more surprising to me was that I picked up a model of cheating. Or, more accurately, several models, such that I could predict how several different types of jealous people might feel about things. It was actually somewhat like learning to read faces, which I originally thought would be impossible. Then I started picking up the cues of a raised eyebrow here and an upraised mouth-corner there, until eventually I could do it. Similarly, navigating relationships with different types of people, and listening to the thoughts of people I wasn’t dating, helped me get a new sense, so the problem no longer seemed scary.

      Meanwhile, this didn’t really happen with jealousy. The lessons experience taught were that yes, my partner sometimes starts dating someone cooler than me and then dumps me; and yes, my metamours sometimes interfere in my relationships in ways that sabotage them; and yes, my poly friends tend to (on average) have less secure primary relationships than my mono friends. None of these were universal, obviously, but common enough to sting.

      I’d certainly rather I was weighing risks like these with system 2 than with system 1, but if my system 1 was exposure therapied out of most of its problems, that isn’t going to work for a problem where system 1 is sometimes correct.

      Environment: A while back, a Tumblr post went around where someone talked about why the casual suicidality of Tumblr culture was unhealthy. That suicidality must always be taken Extremely Seriously because it is a Real Adult Problem that you need to Seek Help for. Almost everyone who responded said that this was actually very valuable to their mental health and that they wouldn’t be able to express their feelings in a different environment.

      This is basically what I’m like with my insecurities. Being in a social environment where people were like “lol, of course we’re all afraid that everyone in the world hates us” helped me work through that.

      Meanwhile, I’ve mostly been surrounded by people who think jealousy must always be taken Extremely Seriously because it is a Real Adult Problem that you need to Seek Help for, who of course make me not want to admit to such Serious Defects. Plus, of course, the people who think monogamy is evil and that violating monogamous people’s boundaries is always justified, who doubly make me never want to talk about jealousy in public.

      The combined chilling effect probably leads to me working through my problems less well than if I could talk about them, which may contribute to why my fear that everyone hates me faded at a much faster rate than my jealousy has.

      Self-Deception: Probably related to environment is the fact that, while I could admit most of my problems to myself, I was convinced I didn’t experience jealousy. After all: jealous people are Bad; I am not Bad; therefore, I am not jealous. This lasted me through quite intense levels of doublethink and reams of excuses that are embarrassingly invented in retrospect.

      This, of course, also meant I wasn’t working on the problem directly, because I couldn’t admit to myself that I had it. Thus, I may also be behind on subduing jealousy just because I’ve been consciously working on it for a much shorter period of time.

      Regression To The Mean: As far as I’m aware, most people tend not to be incredibly scrupulous and convinced that they’re inherently unlovable and universally hated. However, they do tend to experience jealousy. They do at high enough rates that the default dating system is built around an assumption of jealousy.

      This means that, of my listed insecurities, the ones that were obstructions to monogamy were uncommon. Thus, just due to the random ways people change, there’d probably be a higher chance of them going away than of jealousy going away. One might expect jealousy to be more firmly fixed in place just because it’s very common. (This is also my handwaviest and least endorsed guess.)


      In the end, it was probably several of these, plus maybe other things I haven’t yet thought of. Whatever the case, I can at least say that I’m better off now than where I started. On basically every metric, I’m a more self-assured and less insecure person.

      While I’d rather have vanquished my insecurities in a different order, I am still immensely grateful that they’re going away at all. If I had but gained some more trust, but had still been just as jealous, Dayenu.

      Honestly, I’m just shocked anyone put up with my insanely insecure ass long enough for this much improvement to take place. The fact that anyone could stand me this long, when I can’t stand myself, is the best evidence I have that I might actually be pretty or something.

      (Though I still have the insecurity that I’m bad for the people around me, even if not the one that everyone else realises this and hates me. This is part of why I’m way more reluctant to date new people, now that I no longer have the automatic urge to accept every opportunity I get. However, if you want to try anyway, I’d be immensely flattered.)

      Anyway, sorry to give you a long story about my personal life. The point was that insecurities can pull you in any of several directions, so you can’t be sure that one set of people is more or less insecure than another without finding out why they’re doing what they’re doing.

      Test Ride (Gency) - fanfic preview

      Okay so I wasn’t really gonna do this but I got so much love from my FE GEncy crossover that I thought I MIGHT AS WELL DO THIS. This fic isn’t on the priority level of Princess and the Pauper buuuuut we shall see if it takes off. Anyway, this is a preview for a literal shameless smut fic I’ve been drafting up. LMK what ya’ll think

      Test Ride
      Rating: M
      Pair: Genji x Mercy
      Summary: At the advice of his mentor, Genji repairs a lost function of his lost body. Unfortunately (or perhaps not) he needs his doctor’s assistance to make sure everything is working properly.

      If he was being truly honest with himself, it started when he first awoke in his body. 

      Keep reading

      okay general PSA

      I feel like this blog has lost its way a bit compared to the other house-headcanons blogs. For a blog named gryffindor-headcanons there’s a distinct lack of headcanons or even much original content, and I’m hoping to change that

      However, despite more original content, I’m hoping to cut down on requests. Sorry. We love requests here but, compared to the other blogs, the general asks we get sent are extremely specific. Really to the extent that there’s very little to say. Most of the ask box is full of ‘can you describe someone with my house + ilvermorny house + wand wood + wand core + wand flexibility + wand length + patronus’ and hopefully you can see how those are quite difficult to answer?

      So sorry if you’ve submitted any of those but I’m going to go through and purge out the ask box because tbh they’ve been sat there for months because nobody has any idea how to answer those sort of requests

      However, we still love requests!! But the content we post tends to be much better with more general questions. On the ravenclaw blog there are tons of examples of ‘ravenclaw language nerds’ or ‘ravenclaw + infj’ so if you have any requests of that nature feel free to send them in!!

      Also just general questions are v much appreciated, as are submissions of your own headcanons!! Just want to make clear that the ask box is very much open, despite the fact that some requests are deemed to specific

      Hopefully see more of you guys in the future!

      Ella

      How to Develop Discipline in Studying

      This article is requested by @lightokunello , @dreamiingsoftly, and people who are quite sceptical about the feasibility of discipline-based studying (on contrary to motivation-based studying) as advised in my “Motivation vs. Discipline: Explained” here.


      As I said before in the “Motivation vs. Discipline: Explained” post, studying based on discipline is basically studying out of habit because it basically means “studying without thinking of a future reward because your brain and body already think it is the normal thing to do.” Hence, to develop discipline in studying, you should make studying as your new habit. But, how can we make something as tedious as studying as a habit?

      You can read many articles on how to develop a new habits and you can judge for yourself which one sounds most practical among the others, but first thing first, let me share my tips.

      1. Make a commitment with yourself that you will make studying as your habit.

      This is super important. Commit yourself to make this as your new habit. Don’t half-ass any of these suggestions or any other suggestions that other people give. Don’t give yourself silly, illegitimate excuses in the process. For this, you can do it by remind yourself on what your long-term goals in life are. Or if they don’t sound rewarding enough, remind yourself what failure feels like/ could feel like.

      2. Keep a daily to-do list; break down the things that you must do into smaller, concrete activities and put those smaller activities in that to-do list; allocate specific time periods to do each smaller activities and put it the to-do list as well; set an alarm reminder for each smaller activities. 

      Say you have to study for Physics on Tuesday, because for whatever reasons you just decided to dedicate your time this Tuesday to study Physics. Bravo. However, I’d suggest that you break down that specific activity (or “daily goal”) before putting it in your to-do list. So, instead of just putting “study for Physics”, try putting “read and highlight Chapter 9″, “do Exercise I.II in Chapter 9″, “sum up the points in Chapter 9″; because putting very general/broad activity like “study for Physics” can actually make you too confused on where and how to start doing it, and make you very prone to distractions in the process.

      Don’t forget to allocate specific time periods to them as well, such as 20.00-21.00 for reading and highlighting chapter 9; 21.15-22.00 for doing Exercise I.II; etc. To ensure that you do it, don’t forget to set an alarm for EACH activity (it can be on your phone, laptop, alarm clock, tablet, watch, whatever).

      3. Aside of the daily to-do list, keep a weekly schedule; make your study schedule as consistent as possible every week.

      It is easier to keep a habit if they are done consistently the same way and in the same time, just like how it is easier to maintain a skincare routine if you consistently do it everyday in the same time period (”peeling every Wednesday and Sunday afternoon”, “eggwhite mask every Saturday morning”, “cleanse using micellar water everyday at night”). It’s the same for studying; it is easier to make it a habit if it is consistently do it in the same time every week. Which is why I suggest you to dedicate the same day every week to study/do assignment for the same school course/subject. For example: only study for Physics and Math on Tuesdays – Physics at 16.00-18.00 and Math at 19.00-21.00; only study for Biology and Chemistry on Wednesdays – Biology at 16.00-18.00 and Chemistry at 19.00-21.00 — and keep it like that every week, every month.

      4. Keep distractions at (very) minimum while doing each activity.

      Try to focus on what you do and not think on anything else.

      5. Track your progress – don’t forget to put a checklist on your to-do list after accomplishing a task.

      It would relieve your stress a bit and motivate you to continue doing the remaining activities on your to-do list. ;D

      6. If you can, put as few (smaller, concrete) activities in your daily to-do lists.

      When it comes to studying, it’s still better to only study 2 hours every week for every subject consistently– I’d suggest to dedicate more hours though – than study for 8 hours for every subject only when it’s already one week before the mid-term/final exam week.

      The reason why I suggest this is that putting too many activities to accomplish on your daily to-do list can discourage you from starting to accomplish them (”the ‘ah f*ck it’ syndrome” is real especially among procrastinators). Putting few, however, can psychologically trick yourself to think ‘yay I only have to do these several activities’ and do it.

      7. Do this for at least a semester, and find yourself taking your Physics (or any other subject) coursebook and start highlighting the important points on a Tuesday out of habit, without thinking of any motivation beforehand ;D

      If you need more than semester, that’s alright, everybody adapts to new changes and adopt new habits in different pace; as long as you keep true to your commitment and still accomplish the activities that you need to do, you’re doing it right! Believe me that one day it’ll be your habit. :)

      noshameinnit  asked:

      Ibrahim Mazur is one of my favorite characters, probably because he's so mysterious. I wish this fandom wasn't so skimpy, I'd love to see more discussions in general but about abe specifically... anyway! It's been an age since I've read the VA series, did we ever find out what it is Abe does for a living?

      I love mysterious characters too! They’re very much open to personal interpretation, so you can build them almost however you want. From a writer’s standpoint, it’s glorious.

      I think in one of the Bloodlines books it’s heavily implied that, while he’s got his fingers in a lot of pies, he’s deals with something like blood trade. Considering the fact that he was able to procure earth user blood relatively quickly and easily even though that shit is like…… highly illegal. (Unless he donated it himself, which imo is pretty likely.)

      He’s certainly built himself an empire. He’s filthy rich, has quite a lot of social/political pull, Tatiana herself seemed to have a personal interest in him… damn boi wyd

      Anyway, I said “blood trade” because I truly believe that he does A Lot. Janine denies that he’s a blood whore pimp in BP, but I think Rose’s guess actually wasn’t far off from the truth. Neither does Em (@objectiveheartmuscle)– the sequel to her frankly gorgeous fic (Toska) is gonna include our hcs a little bit.

      @ everyone: We’re in the process of planning the sequel, don’t you worry– the screenshots of our chat seem cracky, but it’s coming along. I promise.

      anonymous asked:

      Would you happen to know the ages of each of the batfamily members?

      I actually don’t know if the ages have been established in Rebirth, but if it’s anything like Pre52 and New52, then it’s ambiguous at best. Even when we do get exact numbers, they’re usually retconned within a few years. Within canon, very little time passes, but the world keeps spinning at the same pace in the real world. 

      I can pull up panels referencing specific ages at specific times, but they’ll contradict other panels referencing other specific ages at specific times, so there’s little point. 

      Just to give you a general idea, these are my rough estimates for Pre52: 

      Bruce: however old he needs to be, when in actuality he should be in his 40s
      Dick: 25-35 
      Babs: 30-40 (a few years older than Dick)
      Jason: 19-ish
      Tim: 17-ish (since he was an emancipated minor) 
      Cass: 20-ish (since she’s like a year older than Jason, I think?) 
      Steph: 18-ish (since she’s a year older than Tim) 
      Damian: 10-11

      But, again, these estimates have been both supported and contradicted by on-panel canon, so…yeah. 

      Originally posted by thecelebsworld

      Shadow Work: Exercise 1

      I just wanted to share a little exercise that might be helpful to those of you trying to get acquainted with your shadow self. This is a low intensity journaling exercise that will help pinpoint the source of strong emotions that materialize, such as anger or sadness. 

      First, identify the surface emotion you are experiencing. This simply requires you to take a moment to make a general observation. Typically, you should be able to categorize what you are feeling into one of these general emotions: anger, sadness, fear or contempt. 

      (Note that you can do shadow work in regards to “positive” emotions as well in order to seek the root of a desire that evokes feelings such as pride or contentment when achieved, thus shining light on the aspects of your shadow that yearn for things like approval or affection. However, for this particular exercise I will refer to “negative” emotions specifically.) 

      Once you’ve generalized the emotion you are experiencing, you can begin trying to reach a more specified understanding by writing down questions in regards to what you are feeling. After writing down a question, answer it, then follow up with another question in relation to that answer, and so on. Some of these questions may be difficult or uncomfortable to answer honestly and some of the answers may lead you in circles, recreating a previously asked question. Pay close attention to recurring questions/answers. 

      Keep in mind that emotions are fluid and often times interchangeable. For instance, anger comes in many forms: it may be annoyance based on someone else’s behavior (contempt), enmity invoked by jealously (fear), outrage related to world affairs (fear and/or contempt), etc. This is why we want to keep prying into the subconscious by asking/answering questions in regards to the emotion we are experiencing. 

      Some branches of emotion might be difficult to articulate; what’s important is to be able to mentally distinguish, at least to some extent, what desire that emotion is associated with. By establishing the desires that are not being met we can go deeper into the psyche, eventually reaching the core beliefs that these desires stem from. Once we determine our core beliefs, we can begin to understand why we hold those beliefs and then either resolve them or eliminate them entirely. This may sound relatively simple, but in fact it takes quite a bit of time and effort. 

      Below I have provided an example of how to follow through with this exercise based on my personal experience in doing so the other day. The emotion I was feeling was anger.

      Why do you feel so angry in this moment?
      Because my work computer is fucked and is running slow. 
      Why does that make you feel angry?
      Because it makes working inconvenient and unbearable.
      Why does this inconvenience bother you?
      Because I am feeling extremely impatient.
      Why are you feeling so impatient?
      Because there are other things I could be doing with my time and I already don’t want to be here. 
      Why don’t you want to be here [at work]?
      Because it’s stressful and I would rather be relaxing or doing something enjoyable.
      Why do you find work stressful?
      Because there are tasks upon tasks piling up around me and it’s not enjoyable or interesting work.
      Why are these tasks piling up?
      Because there is only one of me and I don’t always keep on top of things– because again, I’d rather be doing other things.
      What other things would you rather be doing?
      Learning about something I’m actually interested in. Or being outside. Or meditating. Or making something. 
      What makes those things more important than work?
      Because I actually enjoy doing them– they contribute to my well-being, which in turn contributes to the well-being of the whole. 
      What keeps you from doing those things aside from work?
      Lack of will power– which ultimately translates to excuses such as lack of time, money or focus, and devotion to relationships. 
      Why don’t you possess this will power?
      Because my energy goes towards the excuses I indicated.  
      Why do you invest energy in making excuses rather than increasing will power?
      Because excuses are easier to make and by creating them I have become identified with them. 

      I went a bit further than this, though I don’t feel entirely comfortable sharing my findings publicly.

      Initially, you may want to place blame on others or external influences. This is fine, but the further in you go the more important it is to reflect on your reasoning rather than projecting it outward– otherwise you will draw out the process and/or perpetuate recurring questions. See, in the third to last question a more fundamental response would have been the excuses I indicated, but being that I already know myself well enough to be aware of the true source of those excuses I went ahead and cut to the chase. If I had answered with the excuses themselves, eventually I would have worked my way down to the more accurate answer (lack of will power). 

      Repeat this exercise as often as you see fit; keep note of your musings and compare them routinely. You won’t likely get to the bottom of anything in a single attempt. Realistically, it will require a compilation of attempts and analyses thereof, as well as further introspection. 

      Sorry for such a long post. I appreciate those interested enough to read in through though! I hope this helps someone at least. Best wishes!