How to Stop Being a Loser

Keeley Hazell still chasing acting dream
Keeley Hazell still chasing acting dream
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Former page 3 girl Keeley Hazell has not given up on her dream of becoming a star of the big screen, with three movies currently in production. Keeley first appeared in a feature film back in 2006, as Frozen Girl in Sainsbury’s in the movie Cashback and, although her acting career did not explode from there, she has not given up on becoming a movie star.   Keeley Hazell first became a household name when she was victorious in the Page 3 Idol competition held by the UK newspaper The Sun. Keeley was only 18 at the time but managed to beat thousands of other entrants to win the £10,000 prize, along with a one year modelling contract with The Sun.   Keeley headed to the US in 2009 to receive acting lessons and has since won over enough people to appear in three upcoming movies. Hazell is set to star in the movie How to Stop Being a Loser, which is due to be released on October 10, as well as St George’s Day and Whispers. Keeley Hazell will always experience her critics but that will never defeat her ambition to become a true star of the big screen.
How to Stop Being a Loser

James is useless with women, but his luck changes under the tutelage of pick-up artist, Ampersand. As James learns the art of seduction he begins to wonder about Ampersand’s intentions and questions what would truly make him happy in life.


Director: Dominic Burns
Writers: Chris Grezo, Rupert Knowles

Simon Philips … James
Dominic Burns … Neil
Richard E.Grant … Ian
Keeley Hazel … Kirsty
Gemma Atkinson … Hannah
Nicola Posener … Emma
Stephanie Leonidas … Patch
Colin Salmon … Dr Learner
Martin Kemp … Zeus
Sheridan Smith … Lisa
Craig Conway … Ampersand

Released: 18 November 2011


More Info …

So with the premiere and release of the first comedy I worked on and our first film of 2011 that we were involved in I’m giving you an exclusive to the artwork that will accompany the film. ‘How to stop being a loser’ Directed by Dominic Burns stars Richard E Grant, Simon Phillips, Craig Conway, Martin Compston, Gemma Atkinson, Colin Salmon and wait for it Me.

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Simon Phillips puts his knowledge from Craig Conway to the test on Gemma Atkinson

How to Stop Being a Loser is about James (Simon Phillips), a chap who is useless with women but finds his luck changes under the tutorage of pick-up artist and womanising guru, Ampersand (Craig Conway). But as James learns the dark art of seduction he begins to wonder if Ampersand is all he appears to be and questions what would truly make him happy in life. Hilarious chaos ensues in this deliciously warm London comedy in the tradition of Four Weddings & a Funeral.

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Jill Halfpenny and RIchard E Grant at a railway siding (rained all day)

Filmed in January I remember the first day of filming and having worked with most of the cast and the director before on hard hitting drama’s and films which tackled subjects more a kin to the football factory genre I was looking forward to been on set of a comedy. The serious nature of some of the other films reflects itself on set and some days when you have emotional scenes to film the mood can be a sombre one. In that respect that’s why I was looking forward to a comedy but I wasn’t prepared for what was going to happen during the filming of this fantastic British comedy. On one of the first days of filming there was a long complicated scene involving lots of dialogue involving 2 of the main characters. James played by Simon Phillip and Ampersand played by the super talented Craig Conway and around a dozen extras. The complications of the scene were not only the amount of dialogue but also that the actors had to been eating during the saying of certain lines and the fact that a couple of extras had to come into the conversation at key moments and deliver a line or two and not been trained they were going to have it hit there mark. I chose a couple of people I knew were up for the job and then director Dom said the words we love to here. Stand by, camera, sound and the departments came back with camera set, sound rolling and so the next words were ACTION. The scene started and Ampersand joined James at a table in a small restaurant who had just ordered a burger with cheese. It was the first meeting of the two and Simon has asked for the meeting to check out this man’s credentials to help him out in his search and help at attracting people to him of the opposite sex. It starts off calm and gets more and more heated until Ampersand gets frustrated with James and in a rage he grabs James’s burger and takes the cheese out and licks it demonstrating an act of foreplay before putting it back in the sandwich and taking a huge bite. The scene then plays out with lots of dialogue and the extras coming in. The scene lasts for about 4 more minutes so around 6 pages of dialogue but as the scene played out with the humour and laughs we could all notice looking at the monitor that Ampersand played by the brilliant Craig Conway had started to sweat and by the end he had tears coming from his eyes but was still delivering his line. What had transpired though was that Dom to lighten the mood and which set the whole tone of the shoot he had filled the sandwich with tabasco and hot pepper to throw Craig off track and make him make a mistake commonly known in the trade as corpsing. By the end of the take he was sweating profusely but that didn’t stop him from finishing the scene without messing up but when Dom called cut the whole set went into a laughter fit and giggling I had never witnessed. He had deliberately done it but because Craig had dealt with it in such professionalism it was all the more funny. It took around 30 minutes for us all to regain our composure but I don’t think we ever did. Dom did such a good job at lighting the mood as we had all been working on such a different film only weeks earlier and he set the tone for what I know will be a hit. It reminded me of some interviews I have seen actors do when they say they had such a laugh on set and it was a joy to turn up for work each day. I now know what they mean because when that camera started rolling each time the energy and laughs we were having before each take I know will come through on to what was been filmed.

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Martin Kemp and Craig Conway with around 50 Bikini clad extras (tough day on set)

See the trailer for 'How to stop being a loser’ coming soon below

So with the premiere and release last year of the film we are gearing up to the launch of the DVD and BluRay next Monday 20th February of ‘How to stop being a loser’ Directed by Dominic Burns stars Simon Phillips, Craig Conway, Billy Murray, Martin Compston, Gemma Atkinson. Colin Salmon and Richard E Grant

How to Stop Being a Loser is about James (Simon Phillips), a chap who is useless with women but finds his luck changes under the tutorage of pick-up artist and womanising guru, Ampersand (Craig Conway). But as James learns the dark art of seduction he begins to wonder if Ampersand is all he appears to be and questions what would truly make him happy in life. Hilarious chaos ensues in this deliciously warm London comedy in the tradition of Four Weddings & a Funeral.

Take a look at the trailer below.

A lazy Sunday with Simon D would include
  • waking up late
  • you being the small spoon
  • you taking care of his morning wood
  • cuDDLing
  • forehead kisses
  • brunch with the other boys (and girl)
  • coffee date
  • making out as soon as you get back home
  • netflix and chill more like netflix and omg siMON stop tickling me
  • stupid derpy selfies
  • how i met your mother marathons
  • pizza making
  • almost burning the house bcs you two mofos were making out and you forgot bout the pizza
  • PS tournaments
  • the loser must kiss the winner so whos the real loser here??
  • you taking some artsy pictures of him in the park, on the balcony, oh god SiMON how many more pictures do i have to take???#
  • going out for a bike ride
  • getting ice cream
  • pillowtalk at the end of the day
  • him being the small spoon

zooperzs asked:

Sometimes I get rather annoyed at how fandoms will take a statement of "I ship this" as "I want/expect this relationship to become romantically canon right now". It's silly, but some stuff i see just makes me really salty

People are stupid. Look at snk; like, maybe two out of all those ships will be/are canon (one being yumikuri the other not coming to mind/me just leaving space for possibilities). Like, it literally doesn’t matter if one is even ‘more likely’ to happen then another given at the end of the day they all might as well be crack. Get off your high horse, you twelve year old’s, you’re shipping fictional characters in an apocalyptic universe stop being a petty asshole and go outside and reacquaint yourself with reality.

✉an open letter to fuckboys everywhere✉

dear fuckboys, i have said many a time because of my stalkers that the whole “if i cant have you then no one can” thing rly doesnt work for me. yknow what else doesnt fuckin work for me? the whole “i didnt want you but i dont want anyone else to want you either” thing. youre fuckin mad and dont wana hear about how im seeing someone and im happy and youre single and miserable cos even tho i pretty much asked you out just to get you to shut the fuck up and stop being a whiner, you said no despite the fact u kept begging me to sleep w you even tho u dont do the whole hook up thing and prefer having gfs…. what a goddam loser. this fuckin fool was like what makes you think i wana hear abo how happy you are while im single and miserable. and in my head i went thru all the possibilities. lets see here, nothing good happens to me and i thought maybe theyd be happy for me, im a bit of a petty asshole and when losers complain to me when its their own damn fault i moved onto someone else i like to point it out cos im tired of them complaining when they do it to themself, valentines day is coming up and it was relevant. but i simply threw him a #autism since he knew i have aspergers and what the fuck do you think happened. for some fucking reason this dumb vaccuous pile of garbage actually took that personally as though id use my own diagnoses as a fuckin insult to him mmmkaaay. called him out on it and he kept being a sore loser so i was like okay becky and HE SRSLY TOOK THAT PERSONALLY AND SAID IT WAS A LOW BLOW ABO HIS EX WHEN I DO NOT GIVE ENOUGH FUCKS TO LEARN ANYTHING ABO HIS EXES LIKE I DONNNNNNNT CARE. am not happy when are not about me

Originally posted by jomeokeeandabow

anonymous asked:

Since you're drunk how about some drunk headcannons?

WOw I’ll have you know I only drank one bottle of what the fuck it’s called it starts with a v and its purple and when you shake it it looks like sparkly and stuff and it’s vodka and something else based with fruity flavors. 

I’m fucking out of it im sorry

-Dan is a fucking loser when he drinks because he’s just so giddy and happy and does not stop talking. Sometimes, but rarely, something he’ll regret saying slips from his mouth but even under the influence he’s pretty good at catching that stuff. 

-Phil is one of those people who just sits there like. Whoa. Okay. I’m drunk. And he just doesn’t know what to do with himself so just sits there and feels the feeling of being drunk and if you try to talk to him he just doesn’t know how to speak and takes awkwardly long pauses between words and half the time his sentences don’t make sense. 

seoullama asked:


hey “suh” sweetie sweaty!!! how have you been my loser sister?? *eyes you from the other side of the room* …. “hey, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY BUD”… fucking fight me …jk i mudda love you okay…. my luv + ur luv = supa luv (<— our relationship is really something else. don’t judge us ppl. we are both lil freaks lolol) BUT YAAAAAS, I ALREADY KNOW WHO YOUR FAVORITE GROUP IS…..*cough* your ultimate bias is hoya stop being in denial bruh *cough* BUT ASDFGHJKL;’ PLS WATCH INFINITE SHOWTIME WITH ME SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT AND MAKE FUN OF THOSE DORKS LIKE WE USED TO /CRIES/ … p.s. sunggyu is hot… O.O

URL: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl (i helped u make it cr to me pls)
Sidebar: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl (the monsta boys lmfao)
Theme: okay (jkjkjjk, it’s nice… just trolling) | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl
Posts: okay | good | great | amazing | flawless | asdfghjkl (#bless sister, you know whats good)
You: stranger | nice | friend | fav | seriously ily | GROSS I DON’T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER, SHE STOLE MY GENES, WE AREN’T RELATED…. ART IS A LIE, NOTHING IS REALL *drinks 100 shots of coffee while screaming into a void*
Overall: -100000000 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |10 | ∞
Following: yes | no  NEVER!! I WILL NEVER FOLLOW YOU…. only on my main account… pls don’t hack me okay ;;n;;| now | ∞

send me a kpop group and i’ll tell you my favorite member + a blog rate

littlelightninggirlx asked:

"What I want from you is for you to stop being better at everything-" //her big ego suffers greatly

“What I want from you is ______.” Finish it in my ask.

||~||          “S-Sister! Please…. Do-don’t say such things…. I’m not… I’m not better at everything…. I’m barely good at anything. I assure you… if it seems like I’m better… it’s only because I’m older if a-any-anything…

So yesterday I had such a bad panic attack that I was convulsing on my couch and staring at the ceiling and my dad almost called an ambulance..

and I just remembered how this bitch stopped being my friend because she hated me complaining all the time since apparently I have a “perfect life”. Lmao. Glad that loser is out of my life. PSA dumbass: NOBODY has a perfect life. Yeah, even that rich girl probably has an unstable relationship with her parents, severe mental illness, a single parent, etc. Just because I have a lot of GOOD moments in my life doesn’t mean I don’t suffer mentally..which is, if you didn’t know, NOT QUITE PERFECT.

How a writer loves

To think that I have been writing
since I was 10 and I don’t see
me stopping anytime soon.
Even when at times I wanted to-
When vulnerability woke me
way too much at night and made me
write painful poems at 4 am
It was then that I punched
walls with fist full of sadness.

To think that the same kids who
called me names for being
the lame fat girl who writes.
found solace and answers in my inbox,
in my poems, in my words.

I don’t want to talk about
how karma does her job,
but I can guarantee you she does.

People like to bring down writers
call us sensitive punks. call us losers.
like we are not flesh, like we don’t feel
when we actually do
(too much, too often)

Remember that one time,
you hit me in the gut?
how I still did not say no
when you needed a poem?
This is how a writer loves.

anonymous asked:

I'm the anon who had that party on the 30th. It went horribly. After a year of not seeing them they forgot about me. I couldn't talk to them cause they were all friends and suck in groups.I felt so lonely. I am so lonely. I hate this Im so angry with myself because I cause it. I'm the one who's to scared.I'm crying and I can't stop. Why am I so lonely. I just want friends. I'm a fucking loser.I want a life outside of this scared little dweeb but how please I really need to be happy and confident

The first thing I’m going to tell you is to stop being so damn hard on yourself, if you were talking to a friend who was beating themselves up like you are, would you allow it? You need to give yourself a break, we’re humans, we make mistakes, we aren’t perfect, and we’re all broken sometimes. It’s how we recover that really matters.

Forget about the people around you, I want you to focus on you. It seems you are in serious need of self reflection. Do you like yourself? I challenge you to make a list of twenty things you love about yourself. 

In the end the only person that matters is you, learn to love yourself, be your own best friend and I promise you, everything else will fall into place. 


two losers realise that soul destroying work is for doughnuts and decide to go outside. everything in their faces and bodies romanticizes what it means to try regardless of how shitty they feel, a theme that will never stop being relevant. also see the last five minutes for pure unadulterated sorrow purging from these talented folks feels-centres before the resolution we suspect.