At a flower show, an older woman in a wheelchair approaches Poirot, gives him an empty seed packet, and asks him to visit her the next day. Poirot arrives the next day to find the woman has been murdered.
Maybe I should drop you at your door. Or leave tonight and vanish up the shore. Anywhere but here.
It’s three o'clock we’re driving in your car, You’re screaming out the window at the stars, “Please don’t drive me home!”
Blame us because we are who we are. Hate us because you’ll never get that far. And who’d suppose you would go? I’ve already learned enough to know.
Tell me all the places we could go. And count the headlights passing on the road, A long, long time ago.
Here we are. Foreign to their world. Straight and composed. Your sermons I can do without And I finally found. That everybody loves to love you When you’re far away. Could it be we’ve done something wrong We’d make it home to your place before dawn “Please, don’t take me home.” “Please, don’t take me home.”
“Today I feel inclined for the life of ease. It would have to be a very interesting problem to tempt me from my chair. See you, I have affairs of importance of my own to attend to.” “Such as?” “My wardrobe, Hastings. If I mistake not, there is on my new grey suit the spot of grease - only the unique spot, but it is sufficient to trouble me. Then there is my winter overcoat - I must lay him aside in the powder of Keatings. And I think - yes, I think - the moment is ripe for the trimmings of my moustaches – and afterwards I must apply the pomade.” - Agatha Christie, “The Adventure of the Clapham Cook”
EARLIER: Poirot: *putting on his new expensive perfume in the bathroom* Miss Lemon: He went straight inside as soon as he came back from the shops. Didn’t even read his letters. Hastings: Strange. Miss Lemon: Perhaps he is dyeing his hair. Hastings: But he’s a man.
fic request: robert and joseph shamelessly flirting.
Ask and you shall receive! Hope your don’t mind the slight Robert/Joseph/Mary!
Mary, quite contrary.”
would say it takes balls of steel or a lack of a moral compass to hit on your
best friend’s husband. For Robert, it just took a fifth of jack and
opportunity. Like Mary’s birthday party. Chris was nowhere to be seen, but that
wasn’t surprising. Probably upstairs watching youtube. Christian and Christina
were reciting a poem for their mother who seemed more interested in the
blackberry wine she was drinking that the creepy little “present”… and Chrish…
well… actually, where was Chrish?
looked around for the little rugrat and spotted him through the door to the
kitchen, sitting on the floor covered in cake they hadn’t cut yet. Good kid.
yet, he spotted Joseph smiling with concern at the recitation and grinned
before walking over and standing halfway behind him. “You know, the poem’s
about Mary, the Queen of Scots,” he said matter-of-factly, making Joseph jump.
God. You’d like he’d get used to it by now.
does your garden grow?”
stop with your stories,” Joseph muttered, but he had that smile on his face
that told Robert to keep going.
the garden is her reign over her Scotland. Though, she didn’t do much ruling.
She’s was like, six days old when she was made queen and sent off to France to
learn how to spread her legs for a king,” he explained with a shrug. Joseph was
turned towards him now, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. “She wasn’t all that
good at it seeing as he died a year later and they didn’t have any kids.”
silver bells, and cockle shells,”
snorted a bit and smirked at Joseph with waggling brows. “Silver bells are the
Catholic church, of course. They always
loved her and claimed she was the true Queen of England and Scotland. As for
cockle shells- “ he licked his lips and looked Joseph over tellingly, “it’s a
play on the word cuckhold because it’s rumored her second husband… well… he
and looked at his kids again. They were so little. Of course they wouldn’t know
a thing like that! Hopefully they never would. He dipped his head as turned to
escape into the kitchen. No. No. That was over! He was better now. He had to be
better for his family.
“And pretty maids all in a row!”
Robert caught Mary’s eyes. She had that look like she
knew he was up to something. All he could do was smile and wink at her before
slinking off into the kitchen after Joseph who was now fussing over Chrish and
trying to wash him up in the sink.
“I take it you didn’t like my story?” Robert asked
innocent and leaned against the counter beside the sink.
Joseph looked over with red cheeks and pursed lips before
shaking his head and focusing on getting Chrish clean. “Do I ever like your
stories? No. But you tell them anyway.”
“Oh, no!” Robert laughed and shook his head. “You’re the
only one who’s got a problem with this, you know. Mary and I don’t mind
sharing. What are friends for, after all?”
“Then how about you bother her with your stories,” Joseph suggested tersely. Then after a
moment his good Christian morals seemed to get the better of him and his
bristles deflated. “You know I don’t want the kids to find out. It would ruin
Robert rolled his eyes and took Chrish from Joseph’s
hands to set the baby down on the floor. His clothes had been taken off but he
was wearing a diaper so he should be good. Chrish happily toddled out of the
room to where the party was going. Robert used this as his chance to lock his
arms on either side of Joseph, capturing him between himself and the counter.
Joseph ducked his head and smiled despite him.
“Stop that. Anyone could come in,” Joseph complained. But
Robert translated that roughly to ‘Kiss me, please, dear god, just kiss me’ and
he always did the lord’s work. He
pressed scratchy kiss to Joseph’s neck and felt the other melt against him.
Joseph’s arms snaked around Robert’s neck, holding him
close as he sighed and closed his eyes like his sins would disappear if he didn’t
look at them. “You always do this to me. It’s Mary’s birthday. Shouldn’t you be
Robert laughed against his skin and pulled back just
enough to kiss Joseph’s mouth as one hand pushed roughly through his perfect blonde
hair. He broke it again, this time to say, “who’s to say I can’t have both?
Done it before.” He reminded him with hot breath rushing over his face. “What
do you say? Wanna give Mary a birthday present tonight?”
Joseph stared for a moment before smiling again. “God
forgive me, for I’m about to sin,” he said before pulling Robert close again
and crushing their mouths together.
If anyone saw them? Well, at least they didn’t say