House Husbands

the day after anxiety attacks and urgent care

we decided to ADULT

we got the houseclean for the landlord to do a walkthru

(mostly the husband, while I was sleeping, he has evil insomnia, but now our house is so pretty?)

and then we got a realtor

and actually went and looked at a house

with a horror movie room, istg 

it made me think of that twitter spiel that’s been wandering around, with the lady who said she suddenly realized she was every dumb white lady in every horror movie ever and all because of some roses and a porcelain tub? I mean, we actively noticed the creepy, but still

for one thing the place didn’t smell right

the realtor was all, dogs maybe?

but I’ve been in scuzzy pet stores and shelters, I’ve known people who had sick pets or sick people and got behind with the pets

it was not dogs

(speaking of, they just had the dogs in the backyard, running around while no one was home, so not only is that not safe for the dogs, we the people viewing the house couldn’t actually look at the back of the house, or the foundation, or the yard, or the fence, because free-range unknown dogs jumping about.)

the smell also wasn’t, you know, oh we forgot to take the trash out and it sat for a week, or oops we should’ve shampooed the rugs this was

unpleasant and yet completely unidentifiable

(I mean, I don’t think it was a dead body smell, to judge from previous experience with roadkill and that one time we got squirrels in the walls when I was a kid? but it was not a good thing either)

and one of the bedrooms was locked

both doors 

including the one from the bathroom, like, have you ever seen a bedroom-to-bathroom door that is lockable from inside the bedroom rather than the bathroom?

and no one was home, but both doors were locked so like … how did the owner get in there?

why would you lock a door when you have an appointment for a realtor to show your house so people have to be able to walk through it?

what were they hiding?

so yeah, we’re definitely not getting that one

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Meet Pratima Devi, The dog lady of New Delhi who is a rag picker and has chosen to dedicate her life to stray dogs. Pratima lives in a tarp-covered shed with her 120 dogs and  more than 280 others around her shed and sells scraps to feed them, despite barely being able to feed herself. However, the 65-year-old claims to be happier with her beloved hounds than with humans, after she left her husband after they had a troubled marriage.  "I was married at the age of 7 to a man who was more than 10 years older than me. My husband often came home drunk and used to beat me". She said: “I feel happy to live with them. When I was with my husband, I wasn’t happy. I used to work all day and run the house. My husband didn’t work.” (Source)

The year is 2070. The 9785th person has just given another interview about Harry Styles’ solo album. It is, as they put it, a “gamechanger.” Meanwhile, Styles can be found chilling in his quiet house with his husband and twelve children. When finally tracked down and asked about his album, Styles smiles and says, “what album?” He pauses. Feels a shift in the air. Ah. The 9786th person has just given another interview.

You know what I love? The show lowekey show us Hyde is more domestic than Jackie. Where she doesn’t have a clue on chores and cooking, he knows better and he seems to not mind it. Hell, he may actually kind of enjoy it. 

So. Hear me out: stay at home husband Hyde, going from time to time to the store just to make sure it’s fine, always in time for parent-teacher meetings, jokingly bothering Jackie about how she needs to stop working so much and put mORE ATTENTION TO HIM.

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Y'all need to understand this is what Elisa sees on a daily basis 😂

Now IMAGINE…

Patrick in pajama shorts, a soft t-shirt, glasses, no hat, fluffy hair – oh, and TSINELAS (because he’s practically an honorary Asian) – just dragging his feet on the floor and yawning at 7:15 a.m. Good morning, sunshine. ☕️☀️

For mother’s day, I want to talk about being a young mom.

I willingly married at 19. At our honeymoon, my husband and I decided to leave it to God as to whether He would give us a baby. And He did! We were unemployed and dependent on family, but our pregnancy pushed us to find independence and take root on our own. He got a job that paid well after some promotions, and I became an NFP instructor.

We purposely planned our second daughter’s pregnancy last year when I was 22, and gave birth last December. After some time as an independent family, we are now living with my dad as we save up money for our own house. My husband works hard from home, and I am on the precipice of publishing my first book. Again: this baby is pushing us to do better!

We have been married for four years this June, and already have two babies before I’m even 25. And we hope to have more in the future! Our dreams of babies and raising kids unfold before our eyes every day. I can not even begin to explain the love and frustration, hardship and joy, that parenthood has given us. It is truly sacred.

But, people look at me funny as I bustle about with a 3 year old in her stroller and an infant in my ring sling.

People I meet will make comments, whether subtle or upfront, amused or unkindly. They ask sensitive, rude questions that are none of their business. Some here even accuse my intentional pregnancies of being “accidents”, because I am (apparently) too young and inexperienced to know how to avoid pregnancy (at least naturally, via NFP).

Firstly, “accident babies” happen for all sorts of reasons regardless of the mother’s age, and are blessings no matter the circumstance. We are never truly in control of our fertility, and it is foolish to think so otherwise. I can AND will accept any children God blesses me with.

Secondly: young mothers are so much more capable than society wants to admit. Why are we smart enough to take on college and STEM careers, smart enough to achieve responsible, active, and childless sex lives, yet too stupid to be mothers (much less married)? Why are we only good enough for the world if we make ourselves sterile until some magical age limit is reached? Why can’t we earn that diploma or degree with a baby on our hips, or a child on our laps? Who set down these ridiculous, non-existent rules limiting childbearing women?

More importantly: How dare they? How dare they even ATTEMPT to limit women like me?

I am 23, and a proud momma of two amazing, sensitive, and loving girls. I have a wonderful husband to help father and raise such awesome kids. God chose motherhood as my path towards sainthood and I accepted with fire in my heart. During this journey, I have become a passionate fertility awareness instructor and advocate, helping women know their options for health and relationships. If God ever leads me towards another specific career or educational path, I know my children will not hinder me in that goal: they will accentuate it.

I am a young mother. I will forever be a mother for the rest of my life, no matter how old my children grow to be. And my motherhood journey has never held me back! To anyone who thinks otherwise: watch me as I continue living life passing you by and achieving my dreams, my lovely children by my side. :)

Happy Mother’s Day from my family to yours!

I couldn’t resist drawing @professor-cinnamon-roll‘s Good Omens AU, because I have an ineffable love for this trash double crossover.

okay so imagine that after ransom, holster, and lardo graduate they’re like “okay so where do we live now” and like holster and ransom already agreed that they were going to move in together after college while ransom gets his medical degree and they realize that wow apartments are fucking expensive so they’re like “lardo wanna move in with us too so we can actually afford a place with a roof” and she’s like “sure”

imagine the shenanigans they’d get up to

  • so it’s a two bedroom apartment and for some reason holster and ransom get the smaller room??? but they shove a bunk bed in there and can kind of fit a desk there too and there’s only one closet but they’ve been sharing clothes for years so it’s not really an issue
  • lardo gets the bigger room with these fucking beautiful windows in it like there’s a window seat she likes to curl up in when it’s sunny outside and she sets an easel up next to them so she can paint in the natural light and she swears that her art looks better when it dries in the sun
  • she also gets a huge ass bed that dwarfs her completely but she loves it so much cause it’s got fucking soft sheets and a thousand fucking pillows because shitty has a weird fixation on throw pillows and picks her up cute ones that have like a cat face on them or a saying like “i love my bed more than i like you”
    • when shitty sleeps over there isn’t enough room for all the throw pillows and both him and lardo.
    • also shitty loves little spooning it like with lardo wrapped around his back like a backpack he feels super safe
    • lardo also likes being the little spoon. they flip a coin to decide who gets to be it that night
  • none of them can cook for shit so they have a drawer of take out menus and they pull one blindly out of the drawer for dinner. they are on a first name basis with all of the best places.
    • when bitty visits he is horrified and makes them stuff and puts it in the freezer. they have enough frozen dinners to last them a month. sometimes they just eat them cold cause they can’t be fucked to wait for them to heat up. they will never tell bitty this information.
    • lardo actually can make a few dishes she had as a kid and when she’s feeling nostalgic or giving she makes them all dinner and it is so much better than take out
  • holster is surprisingly the best at laundry and he’s not really doing much cause ransom has med school and lardo has art shit to do and holster has a pretty lax job doing the books for a start-up business down the street and he only has to go in like twice a week so he somehow becomes the house husband of the group doing dishes and laundry and cleaning the house up after parties and just on regular days
  • the apartment they bought is in providence or near providence or something to that effect so they go to jack’s games all the damn time. jack lets them sit with the WAGS cause bitty is busy with school so he can’t use the seats and he likes looking up at the box and seeing holster and ransom freak out and lardo curse violently. they’re great additions to the WAGs.
    • a couple of the older guys’ wives kind of adopt the three of them because dear lord you have take out every night? what cleaning product are you using on your kitchen you are going to kill yourself? you don’t use coupons do you know how helpful that shit is? so a bunch of the WAGs teach them how to cook basic meals and what to clean with and how to coupon like a boss
  • bitty moves up to providence after he graduates too and opens his own bakery with a little bit of jack’s help (look i know bitty wanted to work for it but when you have a nhl boyfriend who has more money than he knows what to do with you might as well take advantage) and lardo works there when she isn’t busy cause she likes spending time with bitty and she’s good at it and holster of course does the books for bitty who hates numbers with a passion and ransom crashes there when he’s test stressed
  • okay well back to lardo holster and ransom dream team; they have family nights once a week. they play board games and watch movies and go roller blading in the park (lardo is surprisingly better at rollerblading than ice skating and she whips their asses thoroughly)
  • they get drunk sometimes like as a group and they get tipsy and honest and one time lardo gets too honest and starts talking about how much she loves shitty and she notices the looks holster and ransom send each other as she says shit like “he’s just so good at making me happy, you know?” but the two idiots don’t notice it at all which is infuriating
  • the frogs graduate too and it seems like everyone else is living in providence so they move there too and soon the entire smh group is living in providence and it’s probably not healthy that they’re trying desperately to cling to their college years but fuck it they’re happy and it all started because of holster ransom and lardo moving in together
  • years later when they finally move in with their SOs lardo tells holster and ransom’s kids about how dense their fathers were and how it is totally her doing that they got together in the first place because she is the one that locked them in the bathroom together when ransom was taking a shower and she leaves out the part where she had to leave the apartment because damn were they loud