Hoola Hoop

The signs as iconic Jay Park lyrics

Aries: Your girl’s waist I put my arms around like a hoola hoop, shooby doop I’ll sing my way inside her pants right to her coochie cooch.

Taurus: I’m the muhfuckin truth so sick every meal I eat chicken noodle soup.

Gemini: You a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe.

Cancer: Your girl whack me off, and you? You’re just whack to me.

Leo: You know i’m shittin on you, I can’t find a pot to piss in.

Virgo: Yeah you’s a skateboarder and I’m a rail, better grind up on me better use your tail.

Libra: Yo girl a turkey on my dick gobble gobble, I’ll fuck her till her knees wobble wobble.

Scorpio: I’m a dick to you when I should be giving dick to you.

Sagittarius: Her wand is my dick and she be doin magic tricks.

Capricorn: My flow hard, I gave it viagra. Try me you will fall, call you Niagara.

Aquarius: I get lost in your eyes I’ll get lost in those thighs.

Pisces: I’m so wavy like my life had a perm bitch.


First time hoopin’ - trying to channel my inner @marawa 🙈🙃💕 it’s coming….20,000+ more practice hours. 😅😘😘

Self-banishing (with kids!)

My toddler cousin used to get *awful* night terrors a few months back (we all firmly believe her house is haunted).

So what does Auntie Cal do? I filled her fave hoola hoop with a nice lil concoction of anise, sea salt, bay, and basil. 

The result? This cute lil shit has unknowingly been banishing nasties on her own for three months now and has slept peachy keen ever since, and her parents are none the wiser HAHAHAHA witchcraft

a normal person making an impulsive purchase: $2 candy bar at the drugstore checkout

me: 3lb exercise hoola hoop for $30 on Amazon complete with workout DVD

pAL i dont give a FKCU that it wasnt the AIMH tweet,,,, im here dooing the hoola hoop at 4 damn am bc HARRY and LOUIS are able to mention each other again for the first time in like FIVE years they could go and release a whole interview trying to push the “enemies” narratives and id be here HOOLA HOOLA HOOP HOOLA HOOLA HOOP LARRY IS READ,,,,,, TCHOO TCHOO ITS THE LARRY TRAIN ON UR DASH MY BABIES ARE IN LOVE i couldnt give 2 shits at how they reintroduced them to the general public my loYAL ASS KNOWS the only reason they never released the pictures/videos of harry exiting that club was because we could damn well hear louis inside the car and WOW look at that!!!!! harry awake at ass crack in the morning NYC time (3am) to listen to his boyfriends interview with roman kemp i honestly dont care about how it happens bc its happening and its all ive asked for in the past 5 ½ years my ass is living its my time to shine im alive my skin is clear im healthy and all my problems went AWAY