Hoola Hoop

The signs as iconic Jay Park lyrics

Aries: Your girl’s waist I put my arms around like a hoola hoop, shooby doop I’ll sing my way inside her pants right to her coochie cooch.

Taurus: I’m the muhfuckin truth so sick every meal I eat chicken noodle soup.

Gemini: You a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe you a fake ass hoe.

Cancer: Your girl whack me off, and you? You’re just whack to me.

Leo: You know i’m shittin on you, I can’t find a pot to piss in.

Virgo: Yeah you’s a skateboarder and I’m a rail, better grind up on me better use your tail.

Libra: Yo girl a turkey on my dick gobble gobble, I’ll fuck her till her knees wobble wobble.

Scorpio: I’m a dick to you when I should be giving dick to you.

Sagittarius: Her wand is my dick and she be doin magic tricks.

Capricorn: My flow hard, I gave it viagra. Try me you will fall, call you Niagara.

Aquarius: I get lost in your eyes I’ll get lost in those thighs.

Pisces: I’m so wavy like my life had a perm bitch.

Self-banishing (with kids!)

My toddler cousin used to get *awful* night terrors a few months back (we all firmly believe her house is haunted).

So what does Auntie Cal do? I filled her fave hoola hoop with a nice lil concoction of anise, sea salt, bay, and basil. 

The result? This cute lil shit has unknowingly been banishing nasties on her own for three months now and has slept peachy keen ever since, and her parents are none the wiser HAHAHAHA witchcraft

venialityyy  asked:

What kind of act would the 104th and vets do in a talent show?

Mikasa: Opening Coconuts Incredibly Fast
Reiner: Pole Dancing
Bertholdt: Sing
Annie: Crush Watermelons between her thighs
Eren: Rap
Jean: Sand Art
Marco: Has a trained Parrot
Sasha: Cooks For A Hamster
Connie: Hoola Hoop
Historia: Acrobatics
Armin: Will Know and Answer To Every Question Asked
Ymir: Tap Dance
Levi: Just Walks Out On Stage, Goes Backstage, Wins
Hanji: Cool Science Show
Erwin: Stand Up Comedy
Nanaba: Ballet
Mike: Has A Trained Dog
Moblit: Paint On A Huge Canvas