Heaven's-Will

A Scene from the Official Novel Deep Time

        ‘What’s happened?’ Clara asked, appalled.
        ‘The TARDIS is dead, Clara,’ the Doctor replied.
        ‘It’s not your fault.’
        ‘Isn’t it?’ The Doctor looked bleakly at her. His eyes were like chips of blue ice. ‘I brought us here. You, me and the TARDIS. I knew it was going to be dangerous. I said so, right at the start.’
        ‘It’s always dangerous. Well, nearly always. But usually…’
        ‘Usually we escape. We survive.’ The Doctor sighed. ‘Well, you needn’t worry there. We can still do that. There’s still the Carthage, remember.’
        ‘I know, but Hobbo said it may not fly.’
        ‘Oh, I’m sure she’ll find a way. She has to. Otherwise we’ll all end up like this, eventually.’ The Doctor tapped a knuckle on the TARDIS console. And then, with sudden and explosive fury he smashed his fist down on the metal. He saw Clara flinch as the noise of it echoed around the room and smiled sadly. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.’
        ‘It’s all right, really…’
        ‘No, I think I’ve broken a finger,’ the Doctor held up his hand with a grimace of pain.

        Clara took his hand gently, and closed her fingers around his. His hand felt cold and she thought she could detect a slight tremble. Suddenly his skin looked pale and thin, like an old man’s. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
        ‘So am I.’

        ‘Hey, Doc,’ said Hobbo. She stood in the doorway, poking her head into the console room. ‘I tried firin’ up the Carthage an’ guess what? Looks like we might have a ship after all.’
        The Doctor nodded absently. ‘Good, good. That’s good.’
        ‘Maybe the TARDIS will be better if we get her away from the time well,’ suggested Clara. ‘Maybe once we’re free of the Carthage and the Phaeron, it’ll get better. You know, regenerate or something.’
        The Doctor nodded absently. ‘Yes, possibly,’ he agreed, but there was no conviction in his voice.
        ‘And we can’t just leave the others anyway, can we?’
        ‘Others?’
        ‘They’re going to need you to help get the Carthage working, aren’t they?’
        ‘Yes, probably.’
        She led him away from the console and out of the TARDIS. She was careful to shut the door behind them, wincing as the hinges squealed in protest.

                                             —-From the official Doctor Who Novel Deep Time


        This book was written between Series 8 and Series 9, which means the writer Trevor Baxendale must have seen the smashing-TARDIS-console scene in S08E12 already, but I’m not sure if he knew anything about punching-the-diamond-wall while writing this. Nevertheless, this scene has captured the emotion and interaction between 12th Doctor and Clara so well that it moves me every time I read this. The thing is, in the Doctor’s own future, when he was punching the wall and climbing to his own death, his hands would bleed and break and hurt like hell, and he will always remember the time when Clara closed her fingers on his hands. And he would feel it, he would actually feel it in his mind TARDIS. And he would see Clara leading his way during his climbing by taking his hands. 

What do you know of the worlds that surround us? What do you know of this cosmic mystery? Many hands try to grasp it. Theologians speak about God and Christ, about higher forces and heaven and hell with university-bravado but without any firsthand knowledge. Priests try to connect you with a world of which they know nothing. Spiritualists and clairvoyants wallow in the black vapors of the earthbound, which cause sickness in both body and soul. And then there are the parapsychologists, those who want to make an academic science of the extrasensory, with professorships, lectureships, and doctorates; those who want to explore the plan of God, the essence of God, with their intellectual faculty. There are the astrologers who, because of their links with the Persian-Chaldean culture in former lives, see everything in terms of aspects, planets, and lunations. There are the pyramid fanatics, who try to explain the essence of God from the stones without any inner renewal. And there are people without number who search and search, grasp and grab for the unfathomable mystery without any result.

Yet these things must be known!

So I actually had this strange and wondrous dream the other night, and I will attempt to convey it here with as much accuracy as possible.

William Shatner, in all his present day age and adorableness, was on this movie set, and I kind of just knew that they were making another Star Trek movie with the TOS actors. There was very much the feel that that this was it: the next TOS movie, and Nichelle Nichols and Walter Koenig were going to be in it and everything. It was a super happy feeling, and Shatner was wearing something reminiscent of the red starfleet uniform but it was in a dark gray and more sci-fi looking. I got the idea that there was a lull in the filming because Shatner was sitting down alone talking to a random interviewer, the set and lights kind of lingering behind him. I don’t remember/don’t know what the interviewer was asking him, but it was obvious that he was happy and kind of excited, like “Yay, another Star Trek film!” but there was also this feeling of innocent contentment and wisdom. Like he knew – like everyone knew – that this was where he was supposed to be. And then as he was talking, a door opened behind him where the set ended (basically, a door that led off stage where lighting technicians and crew could go back and forth) and Leonard Nimoy stepped out. It was the way Nimoy had looked before he died but healthier, and his hair was cut short (like around 2009). I don’t think he was wearing glasses, and his clothes were very simple but Vulcanish, kind of the thing Spock Prime would wear. For a moment, it looked like Nimoy was just going to pass by and then he stopped and came up behind where Shatner was sitting and talking. There was something about Nimoy, he just radiated this sense of peace and dignity, and very definite compassion. He put his hands on the back of Shatner’s chair and Shatner sort of half-turned and looked up at him with this shy smile. “Ah, you’re here,” he said, as if he’d known Nimoy would be there but was still really grateful that he had shown up. And in the dream Nimoy looked down at him with a quiet fondness and gently said “Yes, Bill. I’m here.”

Then I woke up.

And now I don’t know what to think, because I don’t believe in premonitions or anything, but it was like I went from this exciting future possibility of another ST film to suddenly realizing that Nimoy had come back for Shatner. He’d even done the Spock thing of putting his hands on the captain’s chair, waiting for him to notice he had been there all along. I think it could mean a lot of things, or nothing at all. But if heaven is getting to be a part of the original Star Trek adventure, of continuing that adventure, well I’m OK with that.