Heartbroken

I find myself scared
of falling in love.

After all the heartaches,
realizing that you are falling in love
is like noticing that you don’t
have a parachute
after you have already
leapt from the plane.


My parachute was faulty
every other time
that I know I will not be
drifting safely to the ground
and into someone’s arms.


I fall hard.


Plummeting
to the earth’s surface
knowing I will crash
but I have learned
to enjoy the thrill of it
while I can.


In the aftermath,
I will scrape up
the pieces of myself,
make the promise
that I will never
fly and fall again.


Then I break it.

—  Splat || O.L.
no one is whole. we all have little bits and pieces of that us are missing and leave us ripped open and exposed. but we find someone and they help us stitch up the wounds and they help us fix ourselves. but you can’t do that, don’t do that. don’t fall in love with someone because they clean up your messes. fall in love with someone who is just as much of a mess as you and fall in love with the way you guys complement and pick each other up because the reality is, no ones whole and dandy all of time. because when night comes around, i guarantee you they are cursing the moon for all of their pain as well. so if you learn to fall in love with someone wholly, their messes, mistakes, quirks and all, you’ll realize you’ve found a love so deep you can feel it in your bones every time you move.
—  love someone for all that they are // ig writingmyself

I am out of hate 
and out of love 
when it comes to you,
all that is left is indifference,
and it’s hard 
because it is such
a dull feeling
compared to everything
I once felt for you.


My feelings for you
were once so sharp,
like a knife in the heart,
but I suppose now 
that I have healed myself
the scar tissue is tougher,
can’t be hurt
as easily.

—  Scarred Hearts || O.L. 
I did not end up with the love of my life.
I never thought I’d be one to be writing this sort of thing, but I guess I am.
He was and will always continue to be my soul mate for this life.
Although sometimes, soulmates just aren’t meant to be together.
I will always carry a part of him with me, and vice versa.
I will look for a bit of him in everyone I meet.
I know at some point. I won’t think about him often, but I will think of him. 
And when my teenage daughter is In distress over a boy, I will tell her each and every story that I can about him.
He will not be forgotten, he will not be left in oblivion.
I will always keep our love alive. Even if it died at some point.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #1

I think I’m ready now.
To let go.
To move on.
Because he’s already done that.

Of course I will have days where I’ll go past some tree, a bridge or a coffee shop and a brief memory of me and him will pass by. But that’s alright I think, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Beacuse he was all I knew. Of course I will have days where I’ll lay in my bed and maybe feel empty and sad and wish I could turn back time. But that’s okay too.
It’s okay to feel. To have feelings. We all take different time to heal.

I think he broke down before I did. And now he’s moved on and I’ve just started my “healing process”. But that’s okay. Because I too, will find someone who will give me the happiness that I once had.
Maybe not now.
Maybe not for a month.
Maybe not for a year.
But it will come.
And I won’t be broken when that happens.