Tongue Tied

I tried writing fanfiction - Buzzfeed Unsolved has been drowning my mind recently, so here is my tribute I guess. Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. If you got something ugly to say, go wash your key board. Thank you!

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“Dude I swear to God if you even attempt to put that whole thing in your mouth…”

Ryan sat across from his business partner and friend, watching the horrific scene with disbelief in his eyes. There was absolutely no way Shane would fit that whole sandwich in his pie hole, but he was going to try nonetheless. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut. This was too much, especially right before a plane ride. The pair were flying back from a visit to the only demon-involved episode of the season, and after what had happened Ryan was not too keen to be stuck on a plane for nine hours with no escape. Even Shane, despite his own disbelief, agreed that there was something weird about the hotel room they had spent the night in - a major win for the show, but not doing a lot to calm Ryan’s nerves. This sandwich thing was the last straw.

“Sff? I DIFFIT!”

“Oh gross, Shane!” Ryan peeked through his fingers and wished he never had eyes. Shane had (unfortunately) succeeded in stuffing an entire Subway six-inch into his mouth, and there was saliva everywhere. Ryan threw up a little bit.

“That is the nastiest shit I have ever seen you do. That is disgusting. I can’t even look at you right now, spit that out!”

Shane somehow laughed, swallowed something, and carefully extracted the now soggy sandwich. He looked up to see Ryan shudder and laughed some more.

“You’re so squeamish, it’s hilarious,” he remarked happily.

“Shut the fuck up, Madej,” Ryan retorted. He would never recover from this. He would be scarred for life. He would have nightmares of sitting in this stupid cafeteria in this stupid airport, rewatching Shane cram a whole goddamn sandwich into his face. If this wasn’t hell, it was the closest one could get to it this Earth. Shane, however, was having a field day - because of fucking course he was.

“That was pretty disgusting, bro,” commented one of the camera crew. Collectively, they had started filming again as soon as Shane had mentioned stuffing his face.

“I can’t even eat anymore, thanks to you!” Ryan complained loudly. To further prove his point, he wrapped up the uneaten portion of his food and placed in his duffel with a frown. He was met with laughter from all sides.

“I didn’t mean to make you that upset, buddy,” Shane said. There was a massive smile on his face that suggested otherwise. Ryan shook his head, but couldn’t keep a smile of his own from creeping onto his face.

“Shoulda thought of that earlier, Shane.”

“Ryan! I’m trying to be sincere!”

“Too bad,” came out of the shit-eating grin that probably didn’t grace Ryan’s face as much as he wanted it to. Shane rolled his eyes.

“You’re the worst traveling partner ever.”

“Says the guy who just put a whole sandwich in his mouth.”

“Flight #185 is now boarding. Please return to terminal B5 at this time.”

“That’s ours!” Ryan stated, hurriedly gathering his duffel and backpack.

“Jeez, in a hurry much?” teased one of the camera heads.

“Um, yeah,” Ryan responded. “Sooner I get out of here the better!”

Shane scoffed. “You’re demon friend isn’t going to follow you home, Ryan.”

“It might! I don’t want to give it the chance to figure out what plane I’m on!”

Shane laughed and followed his companion back to the waiting area, taunting all the way there.


Ryan did not like planes. They gave him more anxiety than anything other than perhaps his job. All the people, all the noise, all the turbulence, all the disaster stories, and worst: no exits. At least he wasn’t sitting by a stranger - Shane always made sure to grab the spot next to Ryan. He was a good friend like that. Shame himself didn’t like the noise either, but that could easily fixed with headphones and music. For Ryan, however, it wasn’t that simple. He needed physical reassurance whenever the ride would get shaky, and Shane really didn’t mind. The most Ryan would do was grab the closest body near him and crush it with in his grip. Usually, it was Shane’s arm that was in the line of fire. Once or twice it was his hand, and there was also that one time that Ryan had grabbed Shane’s thigh…, they both agreed to never mention it again. The camera guys often got nervous about the equipment they couldn’t carry on; the security checks were a long and confusing mess. All in all, planes were just a bad rap for the whole Unsolved crew.

The worst part of any flying experience was the take-off. Both boys would get jumpy, and Shane was quite susceptible to terrible sinus and ear pressure. Curiously, landings were never a problem, but today’s lift was especially bad for him. Shane was fighting back tears while Ryan sat next to him, stiff as a wooden board with a death grip on the arm rest. There was an awful pounding in Shane’s ears and temple, and he couldn’t really think beyond the ache spreading evenly across his forehead. The flight attendant’s voice disappeared halfway through her safety spiel. Someone passed him a stick of gum, which Shane took gratefully. It was only towards the end of the ascension (when the pressure wore off) that they realized they were holding hands.  

As soon as the plane stabilized and now-slightly-awkward-hand-holding was over, Ryan was transfixed with the view. He was always looking out the window - from cars to trains to planes (only after all the yikes were over, though). He found scenery so beautiful, especially up in the air. Ryan would point out things to Shane, as the latter found heights like this sickening. Ryan would press his forehead against the tiny rectangle and reel off everything he saw while Shane worked on something in his seat. The camera crew, whose life-purpose seemed to be documenting the pair’s every moment, took pictures and even filmed when Ryan got especially excited. It was cute - well, Shane told him it was.

Once the whole “holy shit Shane that cloud looks like you” ordeal was done, both would either stare at their laptop screens for a while or go right to sleep - it depended where they were coming from. On this particular occasion, the pair had been shepherded away from the haunted (or “haunted,” as Shane would insist) hotel and straight to the airport. They were tired, jumpy because of planes and whatever happened last night, and the meal at the airport had taken effect at the terminal. Shane, who could find a way to fall asleep anywhere, had long been out when Ryan grew bored of the view. The camera nerds (who had gotten a solid 8-hours of sleep in a safe, un-haunted room) were busy editing and reviewing the tapes of the new episode. Nobody on the plane had recognized them (officially, anyway), and most others were either asleep as well or not really paying attention. Ryan was tired and nervous and cold. In his delirious state, he recognized the friend beside him as a heated pillow of safety that he was very familiar with. Ryan peered around for a bit, decided he didn’t really care about appearances, and promptly dropped his head onto Shane’s shoulder.

Behind him, the rest of the crew snickered. They were taking pictures, no doubt. Ryan couldn’t bring himself to care as he drifted away into the unconscious.

You know it still Fucks Me Up To This Very day that Thor, the literal DemiGod Alien Being, was allowed to just grab Tony by the neck and choke him whilst everyone else (including his best friend(!!!!!!)) just stood around and w a t c h e d

Pro Tips to Clear Negative Energy from a Room (for broke people like me)

You don’t always need fancy magic materials to cleanse a gross-feeling room. These are my go-to, down-to-earth methods for making creepy, negative, tense, or otherwise iffy rooms comfy and grounded again.

- Turn on your favorite uplifting, feel-good music (something happy). Turn it up so that it fills the room!

- Occupy the room. It sounds simple, but rooms can sometimes feel iffy if they’ve been left alone for too long. So sit in there, preferably with friends, and lighten up the energy by watching funny videos/a comedy movie/etc, talking lightheartedly, playing a fun game, whatever it takes to fill the room with laughter and happy vibes

- Clean the room. Dust, sweep, vacuum, spray some good-smelling stuff or light a scented candle. Physically cleaning literally takes old stagnant energy and removes it, allowing new energy to come in.

- Open up all the doors/windows. Get a cross breeze going. If you have small wind chimes to spare, putting them in an open window to chime is traditionally a good way to “break up” the old energy.

- Rearrange the room. Sometimes if the room is crowded full of furniture or nick-nacks, it’ll trap old energy and feel meh. Just moving stuff around can change the energy

- Clap your hands/use a spoon and a pan to make a lot of loud noise in the corners and nooks and crannies of the room. This also “breaks up” the old energy

- Place a bowl of water and iodized salt someplace in the room where it won’t spill. This acts like a trash can for negative energy. Depending on the size of the room, you might need two or even three bowls.

- A vase of fresh flowers or a potted plant will bring some fresh new energy into the room

If you have crystals, incense, or smudge sticks, those will work wonderfully, but they aren’t necessary. My go-to room-cleansing crystal is selenite, but you can also use smoky quartz, black tourmaline, or citrine. Standard sage works well, but you can also burn rosemary or cedar. But as always, go with your gut and do whatever feels the best for you. Happy cleaning!

I think we all love the X-Files so much because, like Mulder, we too lock ourselves away in dimly-lit rooms while obsessively applying ourselves to strange and innane pursuits while secretly hoping that an early 90s Gillian Anderson will walk through our doors and take us on paranormal adventures

Read This: The Definitive Ouija Board FAQ

I get a lot of questions every day on my Ouija board advice blog, and usually they’re the same questions over and over. So instead of answering each one, I usually post a link to a post that answers their question while stating Read This. Apparently it’s become my iconic catchphrase. So here is a long post of all things I typically tell people to read.

-Ouija boards are incredibly dangerous and you should not mess with them!

~Ouija boards are very safe as long as you’re playing in the right frame of mind. Read this.

-Ouija boards are not games.

~By definition, they are. Read this.

-Can Ouija boards summon demons?

~No, read this.

-Is Zozo or Mama a dangerous spirit or demon?

~No, they are just names spirits use to scare people. Read this.

-What if I talk to Zozo and they refuse to go away?

~Keep refusing. Read this.

-Can you get possessed while playing the Ouija board?

~No, read this.

-Can Ouija boards open portals?

~Not even a little bit. Read this.

-Is it important to say Goodbye?

~Yes, but it’s not a life or death thing, it’s just polite. Read this and this.

-Can spirits escape the board and follow you home?

~Ouija boards are pieces of cardboard, therefore there is nothing “inside” of them. The spirits are already in your home. Read this.

-What happens if the planchette moves in figure-8’s, off the board, counts down the numbers, or moves to all four corners of the board?

~Nothing, the spirit is trying to scare you for their amusement. Read this.

-How do you play the Ouija board?

~Read this.

-Can I play the Ouija board by myself?

~Some people can. Read this.

-Who are spirits and where are they?

~Spirits are the souls of people who have passed on. Read this, then read this to learn about the spirit realm.

-Are shadow people dangerous?

~Shadow people are just spirits that have half-materialized, and therefore not dangerous. Read more here.

-What’s the difference between a spirit and a ghost?

~Ghosts don’t know they are dead. Read this.

-I saw spirits when I was little, but I don’t anymore. What happened?

~You got older. Read this.

-How do you make a Ouija board?

~Get a pen and paper and write one. Read this.

-How do you get rid of a Ouija board?

~However you want. Read this.

-I want to play, but I’m not allowed to, or I don’t have anyone who wants to play.

~Then you can pendulum dowse. Read this.

-Aren’t Ouija boards divination tools, and sacred to Wicca and other pagan beliefs?

~First, there’s a big difference between spirit communication and divination. And there is no belief or religion that incorporates the Ouija board. Read more here.

-Ouija boards aren’t real and are caused by Ideomotor movement.

~I bet you’ve never played before. Read this.

-Are Ouija boards safe for children?

~Sure. Read this.

-What do I do if a spirit says I’m going to die tomorrow?

~They’re lying, I assure you. Read this.

-What does it mean when the board sells out gibberish?

~Lots of things. Read this.

-Can I use the Ouija board to contact a specific person?

~I do not recommend it. Read this.

-Is it safe to play the Ouija board in my house, my friend’s house, a haunted location, or a graveyard?

~Play it wherever you want. Read this.

-Can you talk to animal spirits on the Ouija board?

~No. Read this.

-Are spirit guides real?

~Yes. Read this.

-What can I ask the Ouija board?

~Whatever you want. Read this.

-I’m scared of Ouija boards, but I want to play.

~Read this.

-I had a very bad experience while playing and therefore I want everyone to know that all Ouija boards are very bad.

~If I ate shellfish and had an allergic reaction, I wouldn’t make a blog post about how all shellfish is bad and nobody should ever eat it. Read more here.

-I have sleep paralysis and see scary things when it’s happening, is it caused by spirits?

~No, read this.

-I played the Ouija board and I woke up with a bruise, am I possessed?

~Obviously not. Read this.

-I feel like I’m being watched after I play.

~That’s you feeling adrenaline pumping in your brain. Read this*.

-The Ouija board didn’t work at all.

~There are a lot of reasons why it wouldn’t. Read this.

-Do online Ouija boards work?

~Online Ouija boards and Ouija board apps are programs that act like real Ouija boards, and will not get you in contact with a spirit. Read this.

-I saw a scary YouTube video of a Ouija board game and I believe them.

~It’s fake, I guarantee it. Read this.

-Is it safe to wear Ouija board clothes and accessories?

~Very much so. Read this.

-How do you pronounce Ouija?

-Wee-gee in America, Wee-juh in other English speaking countries. Read this.

This is just for Ouija board related asks. In a few months, I’ll post an FAQ for more pagan and spirit related stuff. In the meantime, you can check out a mini FAQ here. And hey, if you didn’t see the answer to a question you have, ask away.

*this post is currently being edited and will be added to this post presently

Tina Resch was a teenager whenever she attracted attention from the news media for being involved in a supposed poltergeist haunting that became known as the Columbus Poltergeist. She claimed that items would go flying across the room, and this was allegedly caught on camera in the photograph above where a telephone is seen flying across the room. The case was investigated by parapsychologist William Roll who confirmed it’s authenticity. 

However, it later came to light that Roll had never witnessed items move of their own accord, and any telekinetic incidents had happened when his back was turned. A visiting television crew accidentally left a camera set up and rolling during their visit, and caught Resch on camera pushing a lamp off a table and then screaming in fright. Following this revelation it became apparent the photographs that were previously thought to capture poltergeist activity, were just the consequence of Resch throwing the items as the photograph was taken. The occurrences had began shortly after Resch had viewed the movie ‘Poltergeist’ and it’s thought her motivation was an adolescent need for attention.

This was not the end of Resch’s notoriety in the media, as in 1992 she was convicted of aggravated battery after her three year old daughter was found dead, having been beaten to death. She pleaded guilty with an Alford plea to avoid the death penalty. She received a life sentence with an additional 20 years, but with the possibility of parole. 

Little Girl in Window

This photo was taken in front of a home in Savannah, Georgia and what’s captured is chilling. In the bottom right of the window is the face of a little girl. The story goes that a little girl was killed near that window in the house. Many people say that the little girl’s face is simply a lamp or other object but there is nothing behind the window. What’s captured in the photo is not a physical object, what do you think it is?