Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

In CoS when they try to sneak into Myrtle’s bathroom to ask her about her death, McGonagall catches them and Harry makes up the excuse that they wanted to see Hermione in the hospital wing and Minnie doesn’t give them detention and then comes this and since we all know Harry’s dumbest excuse, here’s the official suggestion to rate all of Harry’s excuses on a scale from

to

[Image: tweet by Titanium Cranium (@FelicityTC) including three screenshots of a Harry potter book in three different formats on Amazon. Text:

“Harry Potter on Amazon -

Print: $6.39
Audio: $44.99
Braille: $100.00

#CripTax”]

  • Voldemort: The Boy who Lived... come to die
  • Harry: Die?😉🔥 Only quitters let death catch up!😤🏃🏻 Chosen One⚡️👐🏻 Rip Dumbledore💙😭 Keep fighting!😵 Gryffindor quidditch 🔱❤️ Captain😅😅 The Prophet is for Pussies 😤😤 Merlin #1✌🏻👐🏻 Friends💛

according to JKR, lockhart was born in 1964, which would make him 28 at the time of “chamber of secrets”

do you realize what this means

most of lockhart’s coworkers, who all hated him so much, may have had to teach him at one point.

snape would’ve been in school with him, albeit a few years ahead.

imagine teaching/going to school this raging narcissistic dumbass, and then he graduates and from then on, no matter how bad life gets, you think, “at least i’ll never have to deal with gilderoy fucking lockhart ever again”

and then

he gets famous

he’s hailed as a hero

your students and your mum all have crushes on him

and then

he gets hired at your place of work

tl;dr: lockhart is lucky no one in the staffroom stabbed him by midterm season

“What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron’s, however, wasn’t the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul: It was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him.”

I’m fucking sobbing

  • Umbridge: Boys and girls are not permitted to stand within eight inches of eachother!
  • *Gay Wizard laughter*

it really disappoints me that jkr didn’t bring back the ford anglia in any of the books after chamber of secrets. like how great would it have been if, in deathly hallows, when harry is in the forbidden forest, ready to die, the car just comes speeding through, plowing down voldemort and all the death eaters…just imagine that