half the fun of cat ownership is the random scavenger hunts, like, where is my small friend sleeping today? are you in the laundry basket? are you under the bed? have you curled up behind the shelf or on top of a cupboard or crept into a shopping bag? have you discovered a secret portal to another dimension and gone to have adventures with a tiny mechanical dragon? where are you, cat??
A friend of mine recently bought a second hand laptop from a busy garage sale, the seller said that the thing won’t turn on. Being the nerd that he is, my friend got it working and found a strange letter saved on it. He mailed it to me after I asked him if I could share it here. So here goes:
I’m writing to you to tell you that I know everything that you do not want me to know. I know you must dread hearing this- especially coming from me, but I really need you to listen to what I have to say.
Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, startled by something. Might be his dreams, might not. He didn’t remember enough of them to tell.
What he remembered of them usually went like this:
He woke up alone. Statics filled the air. The streets buzzed. The punches never came, and he just walked the streets until he was on the ground, in front of an alleyway. The dusty lamppost stood between him and the entrance. The light flickered the way usual household light bulbs did, but slower.
Then he woke up, alone, the newest podcast playing on loop in his ears. The light was always off.
about 10 yrs ago, my sister found a starving matted lump of cat on the sidewalk. he had no front claws, & was EXCESSIVELY friendly
my personal theory is that Marmaduke was taken away from his mother/littermates far too early, because he doesn’t understand cat body language at all but he communicates with human fluently. like, he understands that staring deep into our eyes & rapidly approaching (something that reads as “OH GOD, THIS MAN IS ATTACKING?” to other cats) is the best way to grab our attention
in any case, his ungodly stare/ deep purr/ zombie-appearance was enough to convince my sister to carry him home. my dad doesn’t like cats, but he’s also a gigantic softie, and because this skin-and-bone cat began puking everywhere when given food, my dad decided that shelters would immediately euthanize him & that we just HAD to adopt him
a decade later, Marmaduke has turned into an arthritic old man with intense thyroid issues, but he still has that horrible stare + purr combo down pat
So my DM’s campaign needed us to be stealthy, we had me as a half-elf Ranger and a half-cat hybrid (i forget their class) But needless to say, we needed to get away from Guards and quick. So i decided to jump on my buddies back.
Me: Hey, hey, Badass (our Cat hybrid’s name), I wanna ride your back to stealth away.
Badass: Sure jump on.
DM: Hold on, acrobatics check to even do this, for both of you.
-Both of us roll pretty high and with both of us excelling in acrobatics as well- DM: i can’t even believe this.
Me: heck yeah! (my character and his gets away)
DM: Wait a freaking second - Caelynn (my character’s name) how tall are you?
Me: uhhh, being half elf their generally like between five feet and six feet, so i’m like five-six? Badass: and I’m like six foot.
DM: “You just piggy back ride him.” Me: “Yes, to safety, clearly.“
DM: "This is a long night.” (everyone is in fits of laughter at this)