HI ROXY

AU in which Eridan is secretly a merman or a siren and Dirk is secretly a vampire (or some shit) and they decide to try and court each other but while also thinking the other is human.

So like:

*At the restaurant*

Eridan: Drinks 3 glasses of water before the food comes.

Dirk: Shit humans drink way more water than I thought. *Tries to drink like 8 glasses of water and just ends up feeling like he’s going to die.*

Eridan: Shit Dirk has a lot of issues with the sun he burns so easily. I’m pale like him should I be having more trouble than this? Should I complain more?

 

Dirk: Shit man you’re incredible at swimming.

Eridan: H-Huh? Oh no! Haha I’m totally average at it!

Dirk: Shit man I better step up my swimming game fast.

 

Dirk: *Easy as Hell parkours up a building with gravity-defying acrobatics.*

Eridan: CAN ALL HUMANS DO THAT?!!?

 -

Also Roxy knows about both of them and is having THE TIME OF HER LIFE.

Eridan: Rox Rox you gotta help me hit on Dirk but like in a human way.

Roxy: Bite his neck that’s sexy.

Dirk: Roxy do you know a good date restaurant that doesn’t use a lot of garlic so I don’t break out in a rash?

Roxy: How about sushi?

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips for writing dirkjake? A lot of writers can't really capture their relationship as well as you do

ok I’m going to write like a million words about dirkjake get ready

I think firstly with DirkJake there’s just core differences in how different fans interpret the characters and relationship from the very foundation. The way fanon is so established for like 10 different versions of Dirk and Jake individually followed by at least 3 different common ways for their dynamic to be interpreted… it all leads to a shit ton of variance in what you get when any given writer decides to write a DirkJake fic. 

I guess for me, the main things to get “my” flavor of the relationship, what I try to focus on: 

1. Dirk as a complex character primarily defined by his overwhelming constant internal state of anxiety filtered through the fucking pinhole of his exterior facade. So like. Dirk is a character that wants and needs and feels so many things, but never wants to express any of it because he is terrified that expressing all the shit going on behind the mask will drive people away from him either in disgust or terror. Dirk is a person who is constantly afraid that he is becoming the worst version of himself and constantly unable to talk about that because if people understood what the worst version of himself was capable of they wouldn’t even want to be associated with the current version of him, who is trying so fucking hard not to be that. And because from Dirk’s perspective he’s “hiding” the reality of who he is from everyone he cares about (Dirk has a VERY FUCKING LOW opinion of himself) he’s in a sense manipulating them via lying by omission. Dirk thinks he is responsible for everything bad and other people are responsible for everything good and therefore other people have no sense associating with him at all. Dirk is trapped inside his own goddamn head 100% of the time when left to his own devices and WILL destroy himself if allowed to do so. 

His stuff is a mirror of Dave’s, with one huge difference: Dave hides everything because he’s afraid everyone will think less of him for being so soft – he’s afraid of the harm they might do to HIM, emotionally. His facade is protecting himself. Dirk hides everything because he’s afraid of the harm that DIRK might do to THEM. His facade is (from his perspective) protecting everyone else (from him.)

You’ll notice I didn’t mention anime, puppets, horses. Yeah. Moving on. 

2. Jake is ALSO a complex character primarily defined by his overwhelming need to avoid conflict and downplay his struggles with being hugely introverted in favor of projecting an idealized version of himself worthy of his own grand destiny. Jake is primarily concerned with JAKE’S own comfort, and this selfishness leaks in to the way he conducts all his relationships – Roxy is spot on when she says that Jake is an asshole, but he doesn’t MEAN to be an asshole, he’s just… Jake. Jake is simultaneously really easy to take advantage of (because he will always defer to the easiest route if possible – Jake calls himself a man of action but he would almost ALWAYS prefer to do nothing if he can get away with it) and also really good at manipulating people because everyone underestimates him. Jake is SMART. He just often downplays his own intelligence because he’s terrified of failure. He walks this line between being perceived as capable but not being perceived as TOO capable, because he wants to put out a specific persona without ever being called on to act in a way befitting of that persona. Like, wearing the costume is easy but walking the walk is hard, right?

Jake wants to be the hero and also wants to be the damsel but ONLY for the fun parts because the rest is hard and feels bad and is awful and sucks. He wants to skip from the Inciting Incident of a story to the Hero’s Triumph and then to the Happy Conclusion without experiencing ANY of the tumult or conflict or setbacks in between. He wants people to understand him without having to express himself because that’s hard. 

His stuff is a mirror Jane’s, one again a major difference: Jane bottles things up because she wants to appear effective and actively be relied upon to do great things – which she is confident in her ability to do and eager to inherit. Jake bottles things up and meticulously avoids difficult things because he wants to appear technically capable of effectiveness but doesn’t actually want people to call upon him or depend on him. He is NOT confident in himself or his own abilities and intelligence. Jane wants everyone to want and need her, she thrives on being the center of attention in a room. Jake thinks about being the center of attention in a room and wants to die. 

I would never ever ever use the words “cinnamon roll” to refer to Jake English. So yep. Moving on. 

3. the DirkJake relationship is a story about two boys who have been in love with each other basically their entire lives, except they grew into a pair of maladjusted unsocialized messes with zero emotional intelligence and oh, yeah, also one is a huge fucking introvert pretending to be an extrovert and the other is a desperate fucking extrovert pretending to be an introvert and WOW IS THAT A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. Especially when they immediately torch all their other relationships and have no one to ground them or pull them back or otherwise vent or express themselves to ON TOP OF all the other personal baggage each is working through throughout the alpha session. 

And I personally take an optimistic view of it, which is, these boys have loved each other their entire lives, they aren’t going to stop now, but they are going to have to learn to work through the myriad fucking issues I outlined above in healthy ways with the help of ALL their friends and family and it will be difficult but ultimately successful and rewarding and their eventual relationship with each other will be one where each feels respected and fulfilled and no longer afraid of horribly disappointing (best case) or utterly destroying (worst case) the other. 

I like to think toward and write them toward an eventuality where Jake is no longer afraid that he isn’t capable of loving Dirk as much as Dirk loves him just because he feels and expresses the emotion differently, and Dirk is no longer afraid that Jake is just humoring him or that Jake’s inability to be in full social mode 100% of the time means he’s getting or gotten over him in full, forever. Also, where Jake is no longer afraid that Dirk will judge him or feel full on disdain for the fact that Jake actually really doesn’t want to deal with the realities of a hero’s journey and just kinda wants to chill and have fun instead of being effective and heroic 100% of the time, and Dirk is no longer afraid that Jake will come apart like a wet paper towel at the merest hint of exposure to his actual innermost self and feelings. 

And that’s my big rant about the stuff I try to keep in mind when I write DirkJake even though like 70% of it is just smut like honestly what the fuck

When my alcoholic uncle died - and how it impacted my life as a nurse

A recent post from another nurse was so beautifully honest and vulnerable that it made me lose my snark and just get human for a minute. So I will share an experience and I have permission from all involved. I had an uncle who was a terrible alcoholic. It ravaged every aspect of his life, his work as a union tradesman, his ability to be a father or husband and his relationships with his brothers and sisters. My mom and I often visited him when he’d get admitted to the floor. I could never bear to see him in the ER. Dirty, belligerent, withdrawing in the DTs. I was embarrassed because I knew he was a frequent flier. I was embarrassed that I was embarrassed. We tried to drop him groceries and buy his Dilantin every month, but he moved around a lot, mostly renting rooms above taverns. He wanted nothing to do with sobriety. He used drugs when he could, but whiskey was his poison. In the end he only tolerated a few beers a day to keep away the shakes. To any nurse or medic or doc who new him he was a local drunk, but to me he was my uncle. I knew him as a kind loving man as well. I remember family BBQs and him tossing me up in the air as a kid. I remember him showing up drunk to thanksgiving and not making it out out of the car before passing out. I remember the disappointment in my family’s faces. I remember the shame in his eyes. I remember driving around his neighborhood looking at the entrances of taverns to see if he was passed out. I wondered if anyone would know to call us if he died. I wondered if he even had any I.D. But they did call. And I knew when I saw him at age 55 in the ICU Weighing 90 lbs dying of Hep C and esophageal CA that he didn’t have a lot of time left. I was a nursing student and an ER tech but I knew in my heart this time was different. I saw people fear him. I saw nurses treat him as if he was a leper. One yelled at him to be still while she gave him a shot of heparin and he grimaced in pain. Nurses came in one by one to start a heplock and he grimaced in pain. Despite knowing better after the 4th nurse was unsuccessful I begged them to stop and give him a break. My hospital I worked accepted him into impatient hospice. I was relieved. When he arrived I saw the 2 EMTs toss him on the hospice bed and walk out without saying a word while he grimaced in pain. They probably got held over and he probably didn’t seem like an urgent transport. They didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t say anything. I was scared to touch him too. He was emaciated with a huge head and a gaunt appearance. I wondered if he had AIDS. I felt bad for thinking that. I still kissed his forehead and told him he was going to be okay. Because I loved him. He was my family. And then I saw nurses treat him with kindness. I saw the beauty of a non judgemental hospice team make his last 96 hours on Earth a time where he could make peace with his demons. I saw Roxy drops for the first time and I saw him get some relief from the pain of untreated cancer, from the pain of dying. I saw them allow me break the rules and lift his frail body into a wheelchair, fashion an old fashioned posey to hold him up and take him down stairs for his last cigarette on Route 30. I was able to spend my breaks with him. I got to suction him and help give him a bed bath. I got off my 3-11 shift and spend a few hours with him watching a baseball game on replay. I sat with him in silence and I held his hand. I finally knew what people meant when they said the dying watch their life play out in their minds. I swear I could see it happening. I asked him if he was thinking about things he said “yep”. I asked him if he wanted me to stay or go and he said “stay”. So I stayed. I heard the death rattle for the first time. I cried to a veteran hospice nurse and she explained how the Scopolamine patch would help. I finally felt what it was like to be helpless to a family member in need and her words of comfort and years of experience meant everything to me. She said he probably had 48 hours at the most. I read “Gone from my sight” the blue book of hospice by Barbara Karnes. The whole family trickled in. His kids, all his brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. His children told him they loved him and they forgave him. We kissed his forehead and washed his hair. My mother shaved his face. His daughter said words of kindness that relieved him of any guilt or regret. I saw this beautiful cousin of mine watch me suction him and she asked how I could be so calm and so strong. I didn’t feel strong or knowledgeable but when you are the “medical person” in the family they see things in you that you didn’t know you had. We surrounded him with love and light and he died surrounded by everyone who ever meant anything to him. The nurses even cried. I got to see the dying process for what it was. It was beautiful and at the same time so humbling it brought me to my knees. I have never forgotten that feeling and I pray I never do. Is alcoholism a disease? We debate it as health care providers and wonder about the others whose lives have been impacted by the actions of an alcoholic. The amends that never got made. I guess I don’t care if it’s a disease, a condition, or a lifetime of conscious choices and poor judgement. In the end it’s a human being, usually a dirty foul smelling human being with missing teeth who may or may not be soiled in urine and vomit. Sometimes kicking, hurling obscenities, racial slurs, or spitting. Often doing all of the above at once. It’s hard to empathize with a human being who arrives packaged up that way. It’s hard to care or to want to go above and beyond. And I don’t think you should ever feel guilty if you don’t have those feelings. That is okay. It’s natural to wonder about the damage these people may have done to others. Wonder how many lives they might have ravaged. Please don’t take their pain as your own. At least try not to. It is not your pain to carry. And we all know that is easier said than done. But please, Treat them with dignity. They feel. They hear you. Give them the care you know you are capable of giving. I can tell you I hold a special place in my heart for every nurse who touched my uncle with a gentle hand. Who cleaned him for the fifth time when he was vomiting stool. Who asked him to smile. Who smiled back at him. Who stroked his forehead and put a cool washcloth on it. I am eternally grateful for anyone that saw beyond his alcoholism and saw a person. A human. A child of God (if you believe in God). A father. A son. An uncle. And I believe in my heart he felt the same way, even if he didn’t or couldn’t say it. If you have that patient. That difficult, hard to like, dreadful patient. Don’t think you have to love them or even like them. You don’t. But if you can preserve their dignity and show them the kind of nursing care that anyone would deserve, than you are good. You are the reason we are the world’s most trusted profession. And even though you don’t know it, someone saw and felt it, and it meant the world to them. Go to bed and sleep soundly because you deserve that. - J.R. RN

Originally posted by twisted-and-antisocial

Liberty and Justice (NSFW)

Eggsy Unwin x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Kingsman/Avengers AU - The Avengers are a branch of the Statesmen located in New York, Eggsy and Merlin have come to the states in search of Harry and you have been assigned to work with Eggsy to help find the man who may have kidnapped him causing Bucky (Sergeant) to get a little jealous.

Warnings: Smut

A/N: DONE! If there are any glaring grammatical errors just let me know and I’ll fix it in the morning. I’m too tired right now. I pulled these images off google to make this gif so I don’t know who the original artists are. If you do let me know and I’ll credit them. Glad I finally managed to write this because I honestly wasn’t sure how I was going to do it at first but I’m (sort of) pleased with the result. Also, this is still a reader fic but because everyone in Kingsmen and Statesmen going by code names the reader and the Avengers go by code names. Just trust me on this.


“Are you fucking serious? I have to go back there?” Eggsy groaned, throwing a small tantrum.

“Yes Eggsy, you and I have to go back to see the Statesmen, they are the only ones who can help us find Harry.” Merlin sighed. “But don’t worry, we are going to see the New Yorkers this time, not the mid-westerners.”

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Strilonde Humanstuck Headcanons!

I had too many headcanons so yeah the shortened Strilonde version. I’ll make a troll version later
-The striders and lalondes are cousins.
-Twins run in their family
-Dave and davesprite are twins. Davesprite is also call Sprite because why not. Dirk and Hal are also twins.
- Sawtooth and Squarewave are the Strider butlers
-Davepetasprite is bro and the disciple’s kid. They aren’t together tho, just a weird one night stand that resulted in Davepetasprite. Who lives with the leijons and are called Petra or Pete.
-Jasprosesprite is Rose’s bubbly twin sister Jasper who named their cat Jaspers and tried to convince Rose that she didn’t name him after herself.
- Jasper ends up dating Nepeta when they’re 17
- They both start dating Feferi a year later
-Bro and Mom Lalonde are twins
-Alpha Dave and Alpha Rose are twins.
-Mom Lalonde and Alpha Rose are married.
-Alpha dave tragically died. He was filming a movie and a set fell on him
- Dave and Sprite were only 2 years old when Alpha Dave died. Dirk and Hal were 3.
-Bro got depressed after that and thus drank himself to death for two years. Petra was conceived during this time making them 4 years younger then Dave,Sprite, and Nepeta.
-Bro goes to rehab after Petra’s born and gets better.
- He starts dating Dad Egbert when Petra’s like 5
-Cal is this creepy prop from one of Alpha Dave’s movie that Dirk took and now has in his room. Hal steals it every once in a while.

On My Mind

Requested by: me cause the thirst is real and our Collective Husband deserves our undying love

Prompt: #31 “I don’t hate you.” (Luke Alvez x Reader)

A/N: Guess who’s back in the CM fandom, peeps? :D Credit to @imagicana for helping me when I got stuck and for being amazing by reading it and making very useful comments. The whole Roxy thing was her idea! Thank you, dear! :)
Edit:
I forgot to add that the title also came from her :D
Requests are still closed, by the way!

I swear I tried to keep this short *sweats*

Warning: Season 12 spoilers ahead!


Originally posted by princediana


Garcia was complaining about your co-worker Luke again, or the Newbie, as she called him despite the fact that he had been part of the team for months now. She still kind of hated him because she felt he had taken Morgan’s place.

‘No one kicks doors down like my chocolate thunder,’ she told you from the couch one day after you asked her why she could not tolerate him. You had been hanging out together all afternoon during a rare yet peaceful Sunday.

‘You should at least try to be civil with him, you know?’ you advised, moving to the kitchen to refill your tea mugs as she tried to choose another movie to watch.

‘Why? He’s always trying to find ways to mock me,’ she tried to defend her behaviour.

‘That’s only because you mock him first,’ you replied as you came back and settled against the cushions. ‘You liked his dog, right? Roxy? At least try to bond with him over that.’

‘Maybe,’ Garcia said and brought an end to that conversation as she started gushing about some random actor.

Now, if you had the ability to travel back in time, you would probably go back to that exact moment and say something different.

Because in hindsight, telling your friend to bond with the guy you found mildly attractive and tried not to stare at all the time might be considered a mistake by some people. But, back then, you didn’t know that this infatuation was going to develop into anything else.

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when it happened. It was more of a gradual thing. The feelings grew with each passing day and new little quirk or endearing trait you discovered about him…

The way he smiled from across the room and waved at you in the mornings made your stomach flip. The way he stood in front of you when an UnSub got too close once (and then apologised because he didn’t want you to feel belittled by his overprotective nature) made you feel warm all over each time you remembered. The way he furrowed his eyebrows when he concentrated too hard on something made you want to reach out and smooth his handsome features.

It was all too much. You had troubles keeping a straight face and a blush from taking over your face whenever he complimented you on something you had done or how you had styled your hair that day. You thought, maybe, you stood a chance. All you needed to do was figure out if the things he told you were part of his personality, like Morgan’s constant stream of flirtatious comments, or if he actually liked you.

However, all your hope went down the drain and your heart sunk in your chest when you heard he and Garcia were on a first name basis now. You could not believe you had let yourself be fooled once more. It was the same feeling you got when you heard them starting to talk more comfortably to each other and again when Garcia showed you the little cat Luke had given her to cheer her up.

So one day, when you saw them chatting quietly in the hallway and laughing, you finally decided to step down. Your friendship with Garcia was a lot more important to you than some new guy. Even if he was the first person you were interested in after years of one-time dates that never led to anything.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and left the files you had been carrying in Garcia’s office. You got back to your desk and hoped that you didn’t get a case that day. You really just wanted to go home and wallow in self-pity in the comfort of your bed.

Thankfully, an hour later, with no case in sight, the team started getting ready to leave for the day while they chatted about their plans for the weekend. You discreetly grabbed your purse and made your way to the lift, trying not to bring any attention to yourself.

When the lift finally stopped in the parking lot, you almost ran straight to your car. You drove for a long while, willing your mind to calm down and accept the fact that you had never stood a chance, especially against Garcia. Feeling another wave of sadness hit you, you parked the car outside a coffee shop.

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Ravish Me Red (Eggsy Unwin X Reader)

Fandom: Kingsman: The Secret Service
Pairing: Eggsy Unwin X Reader
Word Count: 3,798
Author's Note: Reader has been with the Kingsman for longer than Eggsy and Roxy, but she’s only like a year or two older than them. Takes place after the events of the movie!! Forgive me nothing makes sense asdfghjkl  >.<  We’re gonna pretend that some Kingsman live at headquarters, or they at least do for a while.
WARNING: Sexual themes!!


“Galahad, would you step up to the front, please?” You asked, patiently waiting for Eggsy as he climbed out of his seat and to the front of the room. You were in charge of handling the weapons for the Kingsman and you had just gotten a new shipment of weapons in, so it was your job to show them how to use them. You smiled reassuringly at him and grabbed him by the shoulders, positioning him so that everyone in the room could see him.


“This,” You said, holding up a tube of lipstick for the other Kingsman to see it. “Might just become your new best friend.” You popped open the lid, revealing a pointed cylinder of clear lipstick. You carefully applied some to your lips, before looking at the men and women in the room. “As you can see, it barely even has a shine, so anyone can use it without it being suspicious. Be careful to not lick your lips though, as long as you don’t ingest it, you’re fine.”


“And what does it do, exactly?” Lancelot asked curiously, and you smiled at the blonde haired girl.


“I am very glad that you asked!” You said excitedly and turned your attention back to Eggsy. You wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled him into a kiss before he could react, well aware of the stunned silence of the other Kingsman. Eggsy’s tongue flicked across your lips, and you rolled your eyes as his mouth suddenly went limp and he fell into your arms. 

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One of my Favourite Things in the Kingsman Fandom...

…is that all are agreed on so many things unconditionally. Some of the ones I love are: Percival is kickass, his name is Alistair, Roxy is accepted as any relative of Percival, Roxy is the toughest agent, Eggsy’s little sister is called Daisy, whatever house JB is staying at he rules it, Harry and/or Eggsy are the cause of most if not all of Merlin’s headaches, Merlin and his minions know everything, the medical staff should never be messed with.
The unity of this fandom is so awesome

Had to deal with alot of adult responsibilities today, so I wanted to draw something silly :’D I don’t know the Alpha kids very well yet but…Jake looks like the character that can lift all his friends effortlessly? I want to draw a Beta kids parallel soon~ 

Beta kids version!

I have a lot of feelings about dirk and roxy taking care of human!davesprite, okay. Roxy would be all around hilarious about it all, making silly bird puns and calling him ’d-spri’ or davey affectionately. Dirk would make him a new arm once davesprite stopped being stubborn about being spit out without a right arm on top of his orange hair (first im not the real dave and now i cant even be a whole dave). Without the same sort of memory john and the others have for the ‘original’ dave, neither of them sees him as real or fake, just another bro to meet and love on and he appreciates that.