Ten ways to get there from here

1. Take the next left, twice around the block, up the stairs and knock gently.
2. Three times around the block and wait until Monday. There stops here on Monday at dawn. Make sure you’re awake or you’ll have to hang around for another week, and the coyotes come on Tuesday at dawn so you might not want to be waiting then.
3. You see the chap with the phone? Follow the chap with the phone. He’s going there. He’ll duck into a supermarket at one point and come out of the staff entrance with a different coat on, so be ready for that.
4. Here is a book about there. That is probably the safest way to get there. Should you get a little too deep into the book and find yourself physically there, page 48 discusses a book there about here, which you might be able to use to get back.
5. Go three thousand years backwards in time and kidnap your own grandmother, who you will find is also a time traveller; persuade her to take up town planning and deposit her in 1840, dressed as a gentleman, from which you may be assured she will be able to get home on her own in time; and make sure that she designs in a left turn just ahead of where you are now. Then come back here and take the next left.
6. Dig three hundred metres straight down. Follow the cave as far as it goes, enlarging any openings as required. You may wish to trail a red string behind you if you have friends and relatives who will come looking for you. When you reach the statue, turn the left ear and do not touch any other part. Descend. After the cave-in, take the next left. It may be helpful to have the nuclear launch codes on hand, just in case.
7. Go to the nearest hardware shop and purchase a hook on top of a tall enough pole. Turn left and carry on until you are in a good enough place. Raise the pole above your head and wait. They will come and get you eventually, if you wait long enough.
8. You are already there. One day, when you are no longer there but have come at last to here where you thought you were, you will come to realise this, and it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
9. Oooh, you don’t want to go there. Try redefining here as there instead. All you will need is a letter ’t’ and some word glue.
10. Actually, you can’t get there from here.


I’m not too sure I’ll get it, and if not, there’s always after New Year’s. I didn’t realize there was a blackout period for requesting time off during the holiday season (makes sense tho). But the new SM told me he’d see what he could do.

please please please I wanna go see my family ;-;

I hate you for giving up on me. I hate you for giving up on us. I hate you for letting me spill my secrets to you only for you to keep them after leaving me. I hate you for ruining what we had and for taking it away from me. I hate you for replacing your warm arms with cold nightmares. I hate you for giving me love and then just yanking it away like I didn’t deserve it. I hate you most of all for making me a fool for loving you despite the things I despise about you.

// Things I’ll never admit out loud #5