HE'D JUST GO UP TO HIM

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john reese + his friend harold

squeee ok so we all agree Sybil is taller than Vimes 

ok so, so imagine -

9:30pm

Sybil suddenly turns to Vimes at breakfast, and says - “Sam, dear, I’ve just remembered I promise Havelock to go see him this morning. I’m sorry to ask on your day off, but do you mind feeding the dragons their medicine today? 3 pellets each for both Herbert and Sandie-” 

and Vimes sarcily, (but quite happily) replies “of course, dear - it can’t be any worse than the Watch at lunchtime” and off he goes to the dragon pen - he always likes helping Sybil out 

but the medicine is on a shelf, which for Sybil is presumably just an arm’s reach away - a little bit of a stretch, sure, but dragon medicine is dangerous; it needs to be somewhere safe - and why, Vimes realises, would she think about putting it somewhere else? she never realised she was going to live with someone who would happily give the dragons their medicine - and so Vimes sees it, and automatically goes ‘oh. oh, shit

and so he goes to the house to get a box, but he can’t find one anywhere - why don’t they have a box? he thinks, cursing - they have baskets, and tubs, and all sorts of containers - but all made out of stuff so flimsy that Vimes just knows it won’t hold him

so he goes to get a chair - he’s going to have to stand on the leather of the seat, but sometimes sacrifices just have to be made - but he forgets that it’s also a really, really old chair, and as he’s carrying it out the door he knocks it on the wall - it was only a knock - but, of course, a leg falls off (and, as he remembers now, it’s also a very expensive chair). He’s sure Sybil won’t mind - she’s sure to find the whole thing both amusing and quite sweet anyway (which - if there’s a silver lining to the whole situation - he’s secretly quite pleased about) - but he can’t bear to break another 500 year old, impossible-to-find Quirmian oak leg - so he gives up on the chair idea

and while Sybil is an extraordinarily practical woman, he thinks to himself, none of her practicality has ever been funnelled into short-people-friendly objects and he just doesn’t know what to do 

and obviously he can’t go get Sybil because she’s busy discussing some new committee for underpaid young women with Vetinari - and no one wants to get in the crossfire when those two are plotting - and Willikins is off on some ‘How to butler better 101’ and Sybil and him told him they’d manage just fine without any help for a day or two (Vimes had already lost his shoes - he makes a mental note never to let Willikins leave without a subsitute ever again) - and Vimes just can’t go get one of the lords who live next door because he will never live it down with Sybil and he can’t go get Carrot because Carrot would just be so polite about it and he couldn’t stand it

but these two poor little dragons are coughing away to themselves, choking up tiny little puffs of smoke, and out the other end - Vimes doesn’t even want to look…


1:30pm

an assassin, young, inexperienced, and slightly petrified, creeps around the corner of the dragon house, expecting to get a view of the windows of the home - they were told by their professor not to even attempt to attack anyone around the Vimes household - just to scout out the land, and come up with a theoretical plan of attack - when a rope (how had they not seen it?) suddenly tightens around their ankles - and before they know it, they’re hanging upside and Vimes - the man himself - is appearing into their vision (the only thought their brain is capable of thinking at this point is “crap”)

“Right.” Vimes says “I have two questions. Answer them right, and you won’t be thrown into the pens of some very, very sick dragons. First - how well can you keep a secret? and second - how tall are you?”


2:30pm

Sybil returns home (”Sorry I’m so late, dear - Havelock and I decided if we were setting up a committee for underpaid young women, we better set one up for underpaid young men, and underpaid young people too - and that was before we even got started on other species”) to find Vimes sitting smugly on the steps of the dragon house, smoking a cigarette and smiling to himself

“You look happy, dear. Did you have a nice day?” Sybil asks, as she walks up the path

“Oh yes, dear” Vimes replies, with a grin ”It was very successful.”

“How wonderful! What did you do?”

“I gave the dragons their medicine”

“Well done!” beamed Sybil “I thought that would keep you occupied”

Pardon?”

“I wanted to keep you in the house, dear. You needed some time off. The medicine’s normally on bottom shelf of the cupboard to the left of the door”

Vimes paused for a moment. It had, admittedly, been the most fun he’d had all week. It had kept his mind off paperwork the whole day.

“Thank you, dear” he said, with a sigh.

modern asoiaf: garlan tyrell

gallant is a ridiculous nickname but it suits him better than anything else ever would

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you heard the man.

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anonymous asked:

If I were Norma, I'd go to hipster professor too. He's connected with her in a way that she feels like she can divulge her emotions to him and he can appropriately respond. Whereas, for romero, he isn't really a person in her life that she can go and talk about her feelings to. He doesn't come off as the shary feely type at this point

Understatement of the century…. I wonder how drunk you’d have to get Romero before he said one freakin thing that could be classified as “shary feely.”

Pretty damned, I’d wager.

anonymous asked:

can u describe ur dream date with harry styles

omg  w o w  where to start well we would hang out ya know and it would be great and maybe we’d go out to dinner or maybe he’d cook for me but it’s ok if he didn’t want to bc i’m really just feelin’ like sittin’ around and talking to him bc we are very very similar but basically and ideally i would keep my cool the whole time and build up a real great trust between him and i and he would be like wow u r so sweet and then he would see how funny I am and we would become really gr8 friends and then i’d be like yo how do i find a love like u and louis and he’d be like …….. and i’d be like so on a scale of 1-10 how real is larry and then i’d have to leave

so today after work i picked up my friend and we went shopping and while we were crossing to get on the bridge, i gave $2 to a homeless man because i always try to give when i stop. so on the bridge my friend is just so OFFENDED by this and she won’t shut up about it like ‘well what if he’s using your money to go buy crack’ or some other bullshit and i’m just like idk. like i was just happy to make someone happy you know? it doesn’t matter if that $2 i gave went toward a candy bar or crack, like i’m just happy that i was able to help someone achieve some kind of happiness. is that a stupid way to think or???

kawatooru replied to your post: headcanons that include tsuk as karasu…

oh man yeah i lvoe it s much… or yama being a captain… but hinata as a vicecaptain 100% regardless

yES YES I AGREE yams as captain is also something i’d be here for :’) and vice captain hinata just makes. so much sense to me like i can’t. really picture him as captain honestly but him as the enthusiastic vice/ace?? nice

brandon’s thought process is essentially just: when in doubt, blow it the fuck up

anonymous asked:

amusing mental image, Starscream getting an Energon lollipop just shoved unceremoniously into his mouth mid-complaint

((Yup. That’s pretty much the mental image I have. It annoys him because he realizes what KO is doing, but it does shut him up because Hey lollipop! If he was particularly in a bad mood, he might crunch up the lollipop and eat it fast, then go right back to complaining, but usually it would work.))

shit I told this guy I was going to this club tonight just to shut him up, but then my friends cancelled and well long story short he just messaged me saying “On my way x” and I’m sat on my sofa listening to Frank Turner 

  • Chiomi:I love that you can tell from Lydia and Stiles' faces that Brunski's gonna die.
  • Chiomi:I want fic where Parrish is their weapon.
  • Chiomi:Like, "I am NOT going to get involved with a pair of underage teenagers, one of whom is my boss's son."
  • Chiomi:"Shit, well, I'm definitely not going to help them commit any more - welp, that was a felony."
  • Tristan:Well, Lydia's birthday is coming up in just a few weeks, so she'll be 18.
  • Chiomi:What, will Stiles have mercy on his poor brain and just watch until his birthday?
  • Tristan:No, it's Stiles.