Shoutout to the girls doing ‘dirty jobs.’ The women who can’t wear makeup, nail polish, flattering clothes or have piercings and tattoos when at work. Props to the ladies who come home with dirt under their nails, stains on their uniforms and smells stuck to them that cannot be washed away with a single shower. To the girls who don’t feel pretty in their workplace. To the trans girls who cannot yet pass in the workplace. I see your dirt, smears, scars and dry skin. I see your scrubs, coveralls, aprons and smocks. I see your messy buns and steel-toed boots.
Your hard work is beautiful. Your blood, sweat and tears are worthy of respect. I am so proud of you and all you do. You are just as stunning in your work clothes as you are on a night out.
“Every once in a while you come across someone whose style is so clean and manners are so refined that you realise the power of the word Gentleman, in the most classic sense of the word.”
His style is the personification of cool and elegant sophistication; an unapologetic embrace of discreet polish and natural confidence. Shrouded in a tapestry of unpretentious swagger, the long awaited re-emergence of the distinguished modern gentleman is almost upon us.
We are living in a cold, digital and cynical world, where values, virtues, manners and behaviour don’t seem to matte anymore. The reality is that even human interaction is overwhelmingly supported by and through digital technology. Human kind seems so bent out of shape, where facts are no more relevant and are considered optional, where black is white and where up is down. People seem to know the price of everything and the value of nothing. -Oscar Wilde Celebrities who stand for nothing and everything run and influence the world. Society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers people.
The interesting thing about human society is that whenever - lets call it a phase gets out of control a so called counter movement arises. In this case it is the rise of the gentleman and with it the resurrection of virtues, values, manners and behaviour. In a society without role models who reflect for what humanity stands for and by what it’s normally kept together, the call and the search for a deeper purpose in life gets louder and broader.
The rebirth of the cool is also the birth of the modern gentleman who is not defined by birth or age but rather by choice. It’s a conscious and personal decision made by individuals to frame their way of life with gentlemanly values. In my opinion there is no higher accolade than to call a man a gentleman.
It is also displaying diversity in terms of preexisting stereotypes and the perception of gentlemen in general. A gentleman is not perceived anymore as a monolithic block of people. Not every man in a suit and tie is a gentleman and not every gentleman wears suit and tie. The modern gentleman is no longer defined by the content of his wallet or the cut of his suit, he is defined by his manners and the content of his character. Never forget, a monkey in a suit is still a monkey.
In every aspect of life respect yourself enough to know that you deserve the very best. Never wake up to be mediocre. The mindset of a modern gentleman in terms of business, lifestyle and sports.
A gentleman takes pride in how he presents himself.
Whether it is how he dresses or how he speaks, a gentleman understands the importance of a first impression and how he is perceived. No, this does not mean he lives his life on other people’s terms or is always looking for validation from them. What it means is, he understands the importance of making a good impression and expanding his personal and professional network. A man who takes pride in who he is and how he presents himself will find more opportunities coming his way, as he is desirable to spend time and engage in conversation with.
A gentleman treats everyone with respect.
Regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or any other involuntary characteristic a person can have, a gentleman does not categorize. He sees those around him as human and treats them with the respect that he would expect them to treat him with. Since a gentleman does not discriminate, there is no basis for unfair treatment towards others in his mind, everyone is equal. He understands that his kindness towards others is not based on who they are, but on who he is. Because of this, it is unwavering.
A gentleman does not allow himself to be walked on.
There is a difference between showing kindness towards others and letting yourself become a doormat. Part of having respect for others is also having respect for yourself. A gentleman who has respect for himself will never let himself be taken advantage of. Give others the benefit of the doubt and the gift of your kindness, but if they do not do the same, a gentleman will understand they do not meet the standards of those who he accepts into his life, and he will move forward.
A gentleman will always be improving himself.
As an extension to the previous point, in order to get respect from others, you first must have it for yourself. This means taking care of both your physical and mental well-being. In a photoshop-ridden society, our generations certainly appear to value surface over substance, but a gentleman understands the importance of what goes beyond the outer shell. Whether it is reading books, listening to lectures, watching documentaries, or any other education medium he prefers, it is important to not lose sight of improving the mind while also working on improving the body.
A gentleman values his family and relationships.
More important than professional accomplishment and success, is cultivating the relationships with the people whom you will share it with. A gentleman will understand that no matter how far he makes it in life, it is better to be in a cottage with people he loves than it is to be in a mansion by himself.
A gentleman isn’t afraid to be wrong.
Many people in today’s day and age seem to have an incredible avoidance to being wrong. They will take a stand on a position and never allow new information or evidence to change their mind. This puts up a stone wall around your current base of knowledge and allows no room for expansion beyond it. The only way to learn or grow, is to be wrong. Only when you are wrong do you absorb new information, change your stance, and subsequently become “right.” Without the ability to admit a mistake, there will be no lessons to take from it.
A gentleman is cool, calm, and collected.
In a fast paced, constantly-changing world, it is an asset to be able to slow down the mind and keep things in perspective. A gentleman will have (or work to develop) the ability to not be perpetually stressed out. He will take life’s ups and downs in stride, and understand that night is always darkest before the dawn. Even when problems arise, he will work through them with determination. This will prevent him from becoming overwhelmed and making poor decisions or treating others badly.
A gentleman always keeps the woman in his life happy.
It is important for a gentleman to hold high standards for how he acts when he is in a relationship. This includes never mistreating her or taking her for granted. Always valuing her and showing her that he does (not just telling her). He will understand that the effort it took to get the type of woman he wants, is the same effort it will take to keep her, and that a lady would never accept being taken for granted any more than he would. He will never lose sight of doing the small things that make her happy.
Gentlemen are a rare breed and an endangered species in today’s society. It is important for men to strive for these ideals as well as for women to show the men their efforts are appreciated and recognized. While many men reach for these qualities without any need for outside influence, I can also assume that more would put in effort if they knew how much of a difference it would make in their life.
But if they don’t, gentleman cannot be afraid to separate themselves from the crowd. The effort they put into living the best life they can comes with a reward that many others will never receive: The accomplishment of that goal.
These days, becoming a modern gentleman isn’t easy. It goes far beyond the simplicity of what clothes we wear. Something has to be said about men’s grooming and its importance in achieving the gentleman look we strive for. Times have evolved and getting hold of that look has now become not just desirable, but believe it or not, there’s an art to it. Brushing your teeth and splashing some water on your face just won’t suffice anymore, we got away with it long enough. It’s time to go the extra mile!
Healthy skin, maintaining the beard, manscaping and don’t be fooled manicures are manly.
The way men look after their appearance has
undergone a revolution in the last twenty years.
Where once a moisturiser might have been
considered outré, it now seems to be the bedrock
of every man’s grooming regime. It’s easy to fall
prey to anxiety and insecurity on these fronts,
especially in the face of advertisements and
Photoshopped media icons.
So yes, it helps enormously to enjoy your
grooming routine; but our long term aim is to use
the confidence that comes with looking good to
feel completely at home in our own skin.
BE WELL GROOMED, NOT OVER-PREENED
Good grooming is like a magic trick: people
should be impressed by the results, but in the
dark about how you achieved them. Overdo the
fragrance, teeth whitening or eyebrow taming
and you just show the world your sleight of hand.
CREATE YOUR OWN RITUAL
Many cultures (from the ancient Greeks and
Jews to the modern Japanese and Scandinavians)
practise bathing as a ritual. Hot water is relaxing,
yet invigorating like little else – that’s why some
of our best thoughts can come to us in the shower.
But take the time out from here on in to really ‘be’
in the shower, to quell the monkey mind and to
really feel the water on your skin and the scent
of the products you use. It’s not just the female of
the species that’s worth it.
Health And Wellbeing
Todays modern gentleman lives his life
holistically. He understands that how he treats
his body affects his mind, and vice versa, that
there’s no real separation between the two. An
improvement in one area is often what unlocks
improvement in another. Some say that exercise is the new religion – that
gyms are the new cathedrals. Perhaps this is a bit extreme. But it reveals a larger truth: physical
fitness can be very important, partially because
it’s always a subset of a much bigger theme: living
a good life.
PRACTICE YOUR OWN SPORTS PSYCHOLOGY
Playing sport doesn’t just build muscle and lung
capacity. It helps you to refine your ability to
strategise and practise collaboration and fair
play. By observing your knee-jerk emotions and
choosing to respond rather than react, you can
change your behaviour on and off the field, court
It seems odd that we often stand on the escalator
on the way to a gym class. Exercise begins the
moment you get up in the morning. The ‘active
living’ movement helps us to understand this.
Man was never meant to be sedentary. Walking
up the stairs, washing the car, and having sex can
all increase our fitness without a sweaty gym bag
The 30 steps to being a modern gentleman
Negotiates airports with ease.
Never lets a door slam in someone’s face.
Is aware that facial hair is temporary, but a tattoo is permanent.
Knows when not to say anything.
Wears his learning lightly.
Owns one well-made dark suit, one tweed suit, and a dinner jacket.
Avoids lilac socks and polishes his shoes.
Turns his mobile phone to silent at dinner.
Carries house guests’ luggage to their rooms.
Rises and says his name when being introduced.
Breaks a relationship face to face.
Is unafraid to speak the truth.
Knows when to clap.
Arrives at a meeting five minutes before the agreed time.
Is good with waiters.
Has two tricks to entertain children.
Can undo a bra with one hand.
Can sail a boat and ride a horse.
Never kisses and tells.
Cooks an omelette to die for.
Can prepare a one-match bonfire.
Seeks out his hostess at a party.
Believes in chivalry.
Has read “Pride and Prejudice”.
Can tie his own bow tie.
Sandals? No. Never.
Wears a rose, not a carnation.
Swats flies and rescues spiders..
Demonstrates that making love is neither a race nor a competition.
Knows that there is always an exception to a rule.
Chivalry alive Is chivalry dead?
Chivalry isn’t dead, but it’s certainly in shorter supply these days. Likewise, gentlemen still exist, today, although they may appear slightly different. The “old school” gentleman, who pulled out chairs and opened up car doors, has since been replaced with the “modern” gentleman, who can maintain a stimulating conversation outside the realms Facebook Messenger. Given the social norms of today’s society, being a gentleman will prove itself to be quite difficult – but not impossible. And while media outlets love to glorify the male icons who tend to mistreat women, and ignore the more chivalric ones who don’t generate headlines, this should have no bearing on how you choose to conduct your own lifestyle. Just because certain behaviors aren’t considered “cool” or “popular” by mainstream standards doesn’t mean they’re correct by societal standards. Being a gentleman is timeless, and mainstream trends will phase in and out. Notice this, and focus on the long-term. While being in your 20s and carefree may discourage all intentions of acting “gentlemanlike” – recognize the longevity of certain good habits. These will never “go out of style,” and are telltale signs of maturity.
Everyone can be a gentleman. That title is earned, it’s not something you’re born into.