Someone needs to talk about Grif with me.

And how his mother ran away and how another parent is never mentioned and how Grif supported himself and his little sister for who knows how long.

And how Grif is uber protective of his sister not just because of some big brother thing but because she’s either barely a legal adult or a minor and she has sex with people significantly older than her.

Can we talk about how Grif got drafted while he had a dependent in high school and how he tried his absolute hardest to get kicked out so he could go home

Can we talk about his inability to hold grudges against people and how Tucker ran him over with a tank but he never brought it up again. Or how at his core he trusts his teammates to have his back even with how many times hes been shot and threatened and generally smacked around.

How about the fact that he became a sergeant over Simmons despite his professed apathy. How about the fact that his friendship with Simmons is so strong and important and well-worn and that they are so attached at the hip that they were going to be executed together despite the fact that Grif was the only one that did anything wrong.

Can we talk about the fact that Grif has survived some of the most devastating and ridiculous injuries in the show and that he has apparently survived solely because of luck and his own hearty constitution

Talk to me about how he went over the edge at the end of season 8 and purposefully made his scream get fainter and taper off like he was actually falling when he was dangling a few feet below the edge. He’s such an asshole

And can we talk about how he jumped on the meta’s back (a fucking huge growly former-freelancer) and stole his huge ass gun knife off his back? Or how he ran down Wash through a wall?

How about how he can pilot pretty much anything an is good enough at it that the others immediately and silently decide hes the most obvious option to fly a stolen Pelican to the battle

How about how he probably still has the speed unit installed. I wanna see where that goes.

And how he’s so unaggressive and lazy that Omega can’t budge him into any kind of aggression besides an aggressive nap

Tell me about his new squad and the fact that hes training them for extraction and stealth and being clever

Please, please talk to me about Minor Junior Private Dexter Grif, Negative First Class


Wait wait wait


Lopez is very clearly not just a robot, dude’s got emotions. Even if they are predominately exasperation mixed with anger and the general disillusionment of life. So I’m pretty sure he’s an AI.

So Sarge created an AI from, essentially, scratch. Then Sarge does it again, with Lopez Dos-Point-0, only that one went insane with rage and tried to kill them all. This alone points out that Lopez Dos-Point-0 was also an AI, just one more prone to losing his shit as opposed to Lopez the Heavy. 

So Sarge created not one, but two AIs. From scratch. Where the Director could not.

Not only that, but let us not forget the fact that Grif was mortally wounded and Sarge was able to pull a Frankenstein and then make Simmons a cyborg out of spare parts. Therefore, he has more medical expertise than Doc. Except he doesn’t, because he had to use a chart for the names of the parts of a cow.

And it is possible to be a genius in a league nobody’s ever heard of, but not know it due to inadequate education. 

So this all brings me to the point that I’m fairly certain Sarge is an unregistered supergenius or some shit who refuses to acknowledge it because fuck it he ain’t some fuckin’ nerd.

So the Red Team is a group of incredibly talented underachievers. Except Grif