Green Eggs and Ham


(With my deepest apologies to Shakespeare and Dr. Seuss)

Can I kill my Uncle Claude?
Yes, I can, I can, by God!
I will kill my Uncle Claude!

Should I kill him in the house?
Should I kill him while he’s soused?
I could kill him here or there
I could kill him anywhere
Would I, could I, while he prays?
Kill him! Kill him! Wherefore stay?
I would not, could not, while he prays!

Not in the house, not when he’s soused,
Not with his sister, now his spouse!
Not while he prays, not while he feasts,
O, incestuous, adulterate beast!
I do not like my Uncle Claude,
I do not like that bloody bawd!

Say! In the dark? Here in the dark!
Would I, could I, in the dark?

Should I kill him in his bed?
Should I there strike off his head?
Kill him with his nightcap on?
Kill him when the churchyards yawn?
Should I kill him where he lies?
I will kill him, by and by!
I do not like my Uncle Claude,
I’ll kill him, i’ th’ name of God!

The play! The play! The play’s the thing!
The thing wherein I’ll catch the king!
No more ‘to be or not to be,’
I will kill him, you will see!

Kill him while he wears his crown
Kill him while his guard is down
Kill him with some poisoned wine
Kill him with this sword of mine
O, is the point envenomed, too?
I’m dead–Horatio, adieu!
But tell them, tell them, more or less,
Who it was that made this mess!

I did not like my Uncle Claude,
I killed him in the name of God!
Good friend, report my cause aright–
And now, goodnight goodnight goodnight!

Dr. Seuss’s publisher once bet him that he couldn’t write a book using only 50 different words. He decided to prove him wrong, and ended up with Green Eggs and Ham. Source

The 50 words are: a, am, and, anywhere, are, be, boat, box, car, could, dark, do, eat, eggs, fox, goat, good, green, ham, here, house, I, if, in, let, like, may, me, mouse, not, on, or, rain, Sam, say, see, so, thank, that, the, them, there, they, train, tree, try, will, with, would, and you.


Neil Gaiman reads Dr Seuss’s GREEN EGGS AND HAM, in honour of Worldbuilders hitting $500,000.

Learn about Worldbuilders at (and this reading at )

(I’m not really here. But I wanted you to get it from me first.)

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

My folks have been listening to the ‘Storytime with Razer’ sessions created by Jason Spisak. Today, Pops asked me to draw Razer yelling at Sam-I-am. My Dad never asks me to draw anything, so I really wanted to illustrate this!

Attempted to stick to Dr. Seuss’ style. Need more practice, but this was a good and fun exercise!