God-these-two

FIGHT ME IF:

-YOURE STILL CALLING TAYVIN A PUBLICITY STUNT
-YOU THINK HIM SAYING “SHE COOKS TOO” IS PROBLEMATIC. SHUT THE FUCK UP

ALSO I NAMED MY NEW LAPTOP TAYVIN TODAY SO THERES SOME MORE NEWS
GOD THESE TWO MAKE ME INSANE

   “Lucina, what’s this in your hand?”

   Immediately she turned at the sound of his voice and the feel of her left hand being grasped. Brilliant eyes widened to see his playful grin before dropping her gaze at the held hand.

   “Oh!” Casually Inigo pulled her hand up and brushed the delicate fingers against his mouth. “It’s just me!” A sheepish chuckle bubbled through for that cheesy line, he kissed the back of her hand and pulled it closer to hide his cheeky smile.

   Lucina only blinked in silent shock. A few seconds rolled into her mind, and the Ylissean princess soon pursed her quivering lips tightly once she felt heat tracing into her cheeks. “Inigo!”

END

COOKING WITH LIVVI: PANCAKES FOR FANCY ASSHOLES

DO NOT SKIP ANY OF THESE STEPS. EVEN IF YOU FEEL LIKE THEY’RE POINTLESS. EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW BETTER. YOU DO NOT KNOW BETTER THAN THESE PANCAKES.

STEP ONE: BE THE KIND OF FANCY ASSHOLE WHO OWNS BAKING POWDER AND BAKING SODA, AND A HAND MIXER, AND ABOUT FIFTEEN FUCKING BOWLS AND RUBBER SPATULAS AND SHIT. GOD, SO PRETENTIOUS.

STEP TWO: PUT 1&¼ CUPS OF FLOUR IN A BOWL. WHAT KIND OF BOWL YOU ASK? THE KIND THAT CAN HOLD AT LEAST FIVE CUPS OF LIQUID. IF YOU’RE FANCY ENOUGH TO OWN A FUCKING ENORMOUS PYREX MEASURING CUP USE THAT. MINE BARELY HOLDS FIVE CUPS AND IT WORKED OKAY. ADD IN 1 TEASPOON EACH OF SALT AND BAKING POWDER, ½ TEASPOON OF BAKING SODA, AND A TABLESPOON OF SUGAR. YES, ONLY ONE TABLESPOON. BECAUSE I SAID SO IS WHY. TRUST ME. TRUST THE PANCAKES.

STEP THREE: GET TWO MORE FUCKING BOWLS: A FAIRLY MEDIUM ONE AND A NOT TOO SMALLISH ONE. SEPARATE TWO EGGS: YOLKS IN THE MEDIUM ONE, WHITES IN THE SMALLERISH ONE. BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE WHITES UNTIL THEY STOP FLOWING LIKE A LIQUID AND CAN KEEP THEIR SHAPE. LIKE, IF YOU TURN THE MIXER OFF AND USE THE BEATERS  TO POKE AT THE EGGS, THEY’LL FORM PEAKS THAT WON’T COLLAPSE. PUT THIS BOWL IN THE FRIDGE FOR A MINUTE OR TWO.

STEP FOUR: DON’T BOTHER WASHING THE MIXER YET BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST GOING TO STICK IT RIGHT IN THE OTHER BOWL, TO WHICH YOU WILL ALSO ADD A CUP AND A HALF OF BUTTERMILK AND A CUP OF SOUR CREAM, AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT. MELT HALF A STICK OF BUTTER IN THE MICROWAVE AND POUR THAT FUCKER IN, NICE AND SLOW, WHILE YOU CONTINUE BEATING YOUR LIQUIDS.

STEP FIVE: ONCE THEY’VE TAKEN ALL THEY CAN STAND USE A RUBBER SPATULA TO DELICATELY STIR IN THE BEATEN EGG WHITES, AND THEN EVEN MORE DELICATELY DELICATELY MIX IT ALL IN WITH THE DRY STUFF. REALLY HALF-ASS THIS STEP. ARE THERE STILL LUMPS OF DRY STUFF FLOATING AROUND? DOES IT LOOK SUPER CRAPPY? GOOD, PERFECT. EXACTLY WHAT WE WANTED.

STEP SIX: IF YOU DON’T HAVE AN ELECTRIC SKILLET BIG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO COOK SEVENTEEN PANCAKES AT ONCE I GUESS YOU CAN USE WHATEVER OTHER SORT OF FLAT BOTTOMED NONSTICK PAN YOU HAVE LYING AROUND. GREASE IT UP WITH A LITTLE BIT OF BUTTER, THEN START FRYING THEM ON MEDIUM HIGH. A QUARTER OF A CUP MAKES A PRETTY DECENT SIZED PANCAKE, OR YOU CAN GO FOR IHOP SIZED AND USE A HALF CUP. I DON’T CARE, WHATEVER.

STEP SEVEN: GIVE THEM A GOOD COUPLE OF MINUTES ON EACH SIDE. DEFINITELY WAIT UNTIL THE RUNNY SIDE BUBBLES BEFORE YOU FLIP THEM THE FIRST TIME. IF YOU’RE HAVING A HARD TIME SLIDING YOUR SPATULA IN UNDER THEM, WAIT A LITTLE LONGER. YOU ARE USING A NONSTICK PAN, RIGHT? YOU CAN POKE AT THE COOKED SIDE AFTER THE FIRST FLIP TO SEE IF THEY’RE GETTING FIRM-BUT-NOT-STIFF, OR FLIP ‘EM QUICKLY TO SEE IF THEY’RE BROWNED ENOUGH YET AND THEN FLIP THEM RIGHT BACK. OR ONTO YOUR PLATE, WHATEVER.

STEP EIGHT: EAT YOUR PANCAKES. THEY DON’T NEED BUTTER OR SYRUP OR JAM OR WHIPPED CREAM TO TASTE AMAZING BUT FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY OR ALL OF THOSE THINGS IF THAT’S HOW YOU ROLL. THIS RECIPE SERVES TWO, MAYBE THREE PEOPLE, IF NO ONE’S TOO HUNGRY OR PRONE TO STABBING EACH OTHER WITH KNIVES OVER THE LAST GORGEOUS FLUFFY MORSEL.