[Image: tweet by Titanium Cranium (@FelicityTC) including three screenshots of a Harry potter book in three different formats on Amazon. Text:

“Harry Potter on Amazon -

Print: $6.39
Audio: $44.99
Braille: $100.00

#CripTax”]

minerva mcgonagall is sitting and watching the first triwizard task when fred nudges her

“hey professor,” he says. “these events sure do drag on, huh?”

“weasley,” she says. “you’re banned from the next two events.”

at the next one, she is waiting in the stands when george walks past.

“hey professor,” he says. “i wish i could sea what’s going on.”

“you are also banned” she says

at the last one, she finds herself sitting alone when she hears a voice from beneath her

“wow,” it says. “this sure is a-maze-ing”

she looks down. ginny weasley is grinning up at her.

Foolproof

Can we just take a moment to imagine what would have happened if Draco had believed the rumors and articles about Harry and Hermione dating in fourth year? Like, yes, he knows that most of Rita Skeeter’s articles are made up, he’s one of her sources after all, but what if this one is true? And no, of course he’s not jealous, how can he be jealous of Granger? But damn it, they’re together all the time and it makes him sick, thinking about what they’re doing while they’re walking around the lake day after day.

So Draco comes up with a plan. A foolproof plan. He snatches a few strands of hair from Hermione’s robes one day after class and makes sure she’s headed to the library. He gulps down the Polyjuice Potion he prepared and hurries to find Harry. He runs into Viktor Krum, who won’t leave him alone and Merlin, why is he holding Draco’s hand? Sweet Salazar, he just kissed Draco’s hand! He’s extremely flustered and confused when he finally finds Harry.

There’s a quick exchange of,
“Hermione, I thought you wanted to go to the library?”
“Oh, I changed my mind, let’s take a walk around the lake.”

Draco smirks to himself when he and Harry are finally alone. He gets a bit irritated when Harry still hasn’t taken his hand and keeps blabbering about the Triwizard Tournament. Seriously, when does the snogging start? They’ve already rounded the lake once and Potter is still talking. Draco knows he’s running out of time, so he stops walking, grabs Harry by his robes and starts kissing him furiously. Harry lets out a gasp and freezes as Draco attacks his mouth.

Why isn’t Potter kissing him back? He still looks like Granger! When Harry still doesn’t move a muscle, it suddenly dawns on Draco that - Oh! Maybe they really haven’t done that before! Maybe Granger isn’t his girlfriend after all. Shit, what if Draco just made Potter realise he fancies Granger? As it turns out, Draco needn’t worry about that, because when he pulls back, he can see his reflection in Harry’s glasses and oh no! His hair! It’s not bushy and brown, it’s well groomed and blond! Without another word he turns on his heels and runs back to the castle.

In the following weeks, he refuses to meet Harry’s eyes and tries to avoid him as much as possible. On the day of the second task, Draco feels even more foolish. So Granger has been dating Krum? And Weasley is the most important person to Potter?

The next day, Draco is on his way to breakfast, when somebody suddenly grabs his wrist and drags him into an empty classroom. Draco blushes when Harry closes the door behind him and looks at Draco intently. Oh Merlin, is he finally going to confront him?

“You stupid prat,” Potter suddenly exclaims. “What have you done to me? Seriously, because all I could think about in the last few weeks was that bloody kiss!”

Draco just stares at him, not sure he’s comprehending what Harry is saying.

“And last night I dreamed you were the one on the bottom of the lake, not Ron.”

Draco’s brain registers the words, but not the meaning.

“What?” is all he’s able to say.  

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake,” Harry bursts out. He reaches out and takes Draco’s face in his hands. Draco has no time to react before Harry presses their bodies together and starts kissing Draco feverishly. After a few moments, Draco makes a high-pitched sound that he should probably be embarrassed about, but who cares? This is an even better outcome than he had hoped for!

Not that he doubted it would work for one second. His plan was foolproof after all!