getting past your dead name
For the anon asking how to stop reacting to their dead name:
A dorky thing that helped me a lot was to narrate my life in the third person a whole bunch, out loud, using my new real name as much as possible. (in private, naturally) Kinda weird but it helped rewire my brain. Just going around the house saying things out loud like “Here’s Alan feeding the cat. Alan loves his fluffy kitty boy. Now Alan is making himself a bagel.” Saying it out loud made a bigger difference than just thinking it.