Go-On-With-Your-Bad-Self

You are sitting on your porch and it is seen that all there is, is ‘This.’ There is no one there measuring whether this current experience is good or bad or better than some other past or future experience. In that moment, time stands still. The utter beauty and simplicity of ‘what is’ is realized. The story of self falls away. Then you go about your day and notice at some point that the peace left. The dream of self is back.

The sense of “I got it” is identification with a particular experience. It is the false belief that reality is supposed to look a certain way and that, when that certain way appears, you’ve somehow “got it.” The sense of “I lost it” is when the mind believes it has to get back to that experience once the experience is gone. This is a trap. All experiences are temporary. To continue looking for some past experience is to keep the search alive.

Enlightenment just means the recognition that whatever is appearing now is a perfect expression of awareness. The dream self can never recognize this because its only goal is to keep the time-bound story alive—to keep the search going. See that the trap of “I got it” and “I lost it” is the mind’s way of keeping that search going. That seeing allows the oscillation between “I got it” and “I lost it” to fade.

Kiloby, Scott. Reflections of the One Life: Daily Pointers to Enlightenment

anonymous asked:

Most common clichés of a naruto fanfic? SI's, being related to canon characters, etc. Those are the most common I see, in my reading list tbh.

I know you just want a list, but hear me out. A list would only tell you what to avoid, and I don’t want to do that.

I’m doing my literature assignments on cliches at the moment, and they can be okay, or even good. But the problem is, if they’re common, your reader knows them too well. They are desensitised to them and are less likely to form emotional attachments. They’re also more likely to figure out where the story is going, and that’s not necessarily bad either. But they’ve already been there before.

The trick is to make it different for your experience?
Do a cliche, but do it well or do a cliche and shake it up. Be self aware of how cliche it is.

My tactic for cliches is set it down first, and add a ‘but.’

The cliche I dislike the most is “Enters the Chuunin exam as part of team 7” because I’ve already lived that story in canon, and when I read it, it usually hasn’t been changed that much.

So first pick the cliche apart? What happens most often, what are the pitfalls. Mine are what I’ve mentioned above.

Then I’d find my but, that subverts a commonality or problem with the trope.

“My OC enters the Chuunin exam as part of team 7, but they don’t make it past the first round.” For example. The story could go in heaps of different directions from there. You wouldn’t just be reliving the exams.

I feel like a lot of the fandom cliches are based off things we’ve already seen in canon or things we all respectively want for our OCs. Last member of a clan. Cool summoning animal. Akatsuki member. Ect.

Explore past the limitations of cliches, and be original. But don’t be afraid of them. Just give them a spin. Make them interesting. Make the reader feel like they’re experiencing it for the first time again.

Don’t be afraid. Put in your all.

Thank you for sending it in! I know it’s not what you really wanted answered, but I thought it was worth saying.

-R

12 Steps For Self Care
  1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it
  2. Say exactly what you mean
  3. Don’t be a people pleaser
  4. Trust your instincts 
  5. Never speak bad about yourself
  6. Never give up on your dreams
  7. Don’t be afraid to say “no”
  8. Don’t be afraid to say “yes”
  9. Be KIND to yourself
  10. Let go of what you can’t control
  11. Stay away from drama & negativity
  12. LOVE
Help with learning to love yourself

1. Learn to let go of what happened in the past. You deserve a new start and a fresh beginning. We’ve all messed up and experienced bad things. So don’t allow these memories to rob you of your future. You’re not just a product and a victim of your past. Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions – then put them behind you and start to live again.

2. Work on forgiving yourself. Related to point 2, don’t punish yourself for your past failings or regrets. Instead, see them as a lesson, and a chance to learn and grow. Don’t ridicule, demean or devalue yourself. That was then – this is now … You are different - so move on.

3. Keep a journal where you write down all your thoughts and feelings. When you’re feeling positive, try to savour those emotions and a build a memory trace of all that’s good and positive. When you’re feeling negative try to show some self-compassion, and seek to be gentle and kind to yourself. You need to work on validating and affirming yourself – not being your own enemy and tearing yourself down.

4. Be persistent as you work on accepting yourself. A key part of love is unconditional acceptance. So work on loving who you are right now. Only then will you be able to change some parts of yourself – because you’re able to accept who you are at the core.

5. Trust yourself. You don’t have to please others, or to follow their dictates. Learn to trust your intuition and your own personal judgments.

6. Practice saying “no”. It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty. You have the right to decide what you’ll do with your life.

7. Practice receiving and accepting love from others. Know you’re worthy of love – and other people really mean it when they say that you matter, and they love and care for you.

Sources of Addiction

Aries: recklessness; “why not?”
Taurus: gluttony; “what damage could just a little more do?”
Gemini: boredom; “that is the only interesting thing I see”
Cancer: compensation; “this is as close as I’ll get to what I need”
Leo: self-indulgence; “I deserve this”
Virgo: taking liberties; “I can be bad just this once”
Libra: peer pressure; “here is an answer to the disparity”
Scorpio: self-destruction; “I have to put an end to this”
Sagittarius: adventure; “I need to to experience this”
Capricorn: despair; “the only way left for me to go is down”
Aquarius: experimentation; “I wonder what that’s like”
Pisces: escapism; “I need to forget”

Your sun, moon, and Jupiter signs will apply the most. Also look at the ruling sign of the house Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto are in.

(Indicators of inclination to addiction)

4

It’s about the basic notion that we are only in a good mood when things are going our way. The truth is, life is going to unfold as it’s going to unfold regardless of your input. If you are an active participant in that awareness, life kind of washes over you, good or bad. You kind of become Teflon a little bit to the struggles that we self-inflict.

“Evans’s greatest fear is having regrets. ‘Like always kind of wanting to be there as opposed to here. I think I’m worried all of a sudden I’ll get old and have regrets, realize that I’ve not cultivated enough of an appreciation for the now and surrendering to the present moment.’   Evans’s musings have something to do with the fact that he has been reading The Surrender Experiment. “It’s about the basic notion that we are only in a good mood when things are going our way,’ he says. ‘The truth is, life is going to unfold as it’s going to unfold regardless of your input. If you are an active participant in that awareness, life kind of washes over you, good or bad. You kind of become Teflon a little bit to the struggles that we self-inflict.’” Interview by Maximillian Potter for Esquire

What to do when you get a bad grade

1. Don’t mope around and keep beating yourself up. That will only distract you from your studying, and stop you from doing your best in other subjects.

2. Remember a bad grade is only a bad grade. It doesn’t mean you’re worthless or have failed as a person.

3. Try and find a way to let your feelings out through some kind of physical activity. For example, through running, jogging, or going to the gym.

4. Aim to do better on the next test you have. There will still be other tests where you can get a higher mark. Maybe see it as a wake-up call, and change your study habits.

5. Try and figure out why you received the bad grade. Do you need to study more, or to learn some new techniques? Did you not fully understand the course material? Did you just have a bad day, or were you tired or feeling sick?

6. Get extra help from your teachers if you need it. Most of them are happy to answer students’ questions.

7. Be determined to keep going and to persevere. It’s easier to do well with a good attitude.

dont put too much pressure on yourself. everything will be okay.

When you’ve had a lot of exposure to the SJ side of Tumblr, you’ll start to pick up common abusive tactics they use to instill control over people who are unsure of what side they want to be on.

The most common type I’ve seen was projection. It’s when someone wants to remove all accountability from the actions resulting from bad traits they hold by attributing those bad traits onto you. And I’ve seen it in this form the most: Somebody could go into hysterics about the supposed ‘self-hate’ you have because of certain political views you hold (that don’t apparently “line up” with your minority status), but a quick scroll down through their blog would either reveal those typical self-depreciating posts, how much they hate/want to kill themselves, or how nobody else likes them.

They tell you not to talk to certain people they perceive to be bigoted based on their very broad definition of one. If that doesn’t work, they’ll resort to toying with your emotions. I’ve talked about this before, but they’ll insist that nobody else (outside of the minority group they’re apart of) cares about them. Basically it usually goes like: “If you associate with them, they’ll drop you in a heartbeat when you don’t become useful to them anymore, but since we’re the only people who supposedly care about you, you’re better off staying with us no matter how much abuse we throw at you.” They feel threatened when anyone, especially other minorities who are expected to have camaraderie with them at all costs, point out faults within their mindset so they resort to this particular tactic.

There’s also the “Preemptive Defense” strategy which a lot of narcissists love to use. I didn’t know there was an exact word for this, but I’ve seen this one play out way too often on here. It’s when someone says you should trust them right off the bat because they’re a “nice person”. But on here it comes in the form of trusting someone - especially believing whatever they say without question - because they’re a minority of some sorts. Because they’re a minority and therefore inevitably ‘oppressed’, everything they say, they say with good intentions (or everything they say is right) even if it comes in the form of overtly abusive language.

And you can’t really do shit about it cause, “You gotta listen to them or else you’re speaking over them and denying their right to a voice!”

Another attribute that narcissists share (and lots of people on here) are subjecting people to “smear campaigns”. They control how others see you by making themselves out to be the good person while you’re the toxic one. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on lest you decide to detach and cut ties with this toxic person. They may even stalk and harass you or the people you know as a way to supposedly “expose” the truth about you; this exposure acts as a way to hide their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you. I think I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve seen this happen here.

They deliberately misrepresent your thoughts and put words in your mouth too. They’ll try their damn hardest to rephrase whatever you say to make your opinions sound like garbage. This gives them a sense of power as everybody comes running to their side and away from yours because they purposely misinterpreted the core argument you made in your post. One of their favorite approaches is finding something slightly off with your wording and using that to twist the point you made while moving the goalposts at the same time. I made a post that said ‘Radfems will call a transwoman a man because they raped somebody as if men are the only ones capable of rape’ and I got swarms of replies talking about how I didn’t care about the rape victim affected (which they ironically proceeded to deny his identity by referring to him as a ‘’female’’ because he was a transman) because I happened to bring up a different issue at that time. Either that or I was a rape apologist.

Once they lose that sense of control – because you disagree with their thought process – they’ll either try to strip of you of your identity or use fear-tactics (i.e: nobody cares for you except for us) as a consequence of not conforming to their political views. “If someone’s reaction to you setting boundaries or having a differing opinion from your own is to threaten you into submission, whether it’s a thinly veiled threat or an overt admission of what they plan to do, this is a red flag of someone who has a high degree of entitlement and has no plans of compromising.”

Then comes the oversimplifications and generalizations of complicated matters. They’re left-wing versions of reactionaries, they don’t bother to look at things from different perspectives; they instead apply their own bias where they see fit. They have no concept of nuance and dismiss people who point this out.

I think one of the biggest things an artist must learn is the art of self forgiveness. Forgive yourself for not being “as good as other artists”. And forgive yourself for all the times your art did not go as planned, for all the bad drawings and for the times you should have drawn but didn’t. The path to becoming an artist is not linear. Sometimes it’s good to critique yourself and other times you need to stop just let it go.

50 ways to practice self care when your mental health is crap

1. Snuggle an animal.

2. Pet others animals in public… with permission.

3. Say yes to a meal with a friend you love dearly.

4. Take a sick day from work. Don’t feel bad about it.

5. Dust a book off your shelf and read it. Or, at least read a few pages.

6. Go to work, do your best, and tell someone you’re struggling.

7. Take frequent breaks at work, even if they’re just to take a deep breath in the bathroom.

8. Read body positive blogs like the Fuck It Diet, Love, Food, and Bawdy Love.

9. Make yourself a cup of your favorite flavor of warm tea.

10. Make yourself tea, then add a bunch of ice cubes to the cup. Feel the sensations of the temperature.

11. Sit outside and stare at the sky. Lay in the grass if you can.

12. When your attention spans lasts 5 minutes, be okay with coming back inside.

13. Say no to someone asking you to do something you don’t want to do.

14. Avoid toxic people while you’re hypersensitive. Sometimes this means family.

15. Say no to events that will trigger you.

16. Be ok with many nights feeling like you’re acting selfishly by saying no.

17. Ask a friend if you can come crash on their couch and have a slumber party.

18. Bring popcorn and fuzzy socks to said slumber party.

19. Cook a simple meal from scratch with one of your favorite ingredients. (I made cardamom baked pears recently- YUM and super easy)

20. Do some therapeutic writing. Prompts can be found through a quick google search.

21. Donate books you don’t read anymore.

22. Workout for 15 minutes.

23. Don’t work out.

24. Don’t beat yourself up about not working out.

25. Mindfully eat a meal.

26. Totally un-mindfully scarf down a bunch of sweets. (I’ve been really into vegan ice cream lately).

27. Stop reading a book that you started and feel obliged to finish.

28. Pick up a new book that you’re excited about.

29. Only do exercise that makes your body feel good. (For me, simple stretching is all sometimes.)

30. Avoid exercises you think you “should” be doing. (Cycling hurts my knees. I hate cycling. I don’t do it).

31. Take “should” out of your vocabulary entirely. Quit “shoulding” on yourself.

32. Tell your partner how they can best support you.

33. Tell your roommate how they can best support you.

34. Donate clothes that taunt you or that you no longer wear.

35. Go to Goodwill and find a lovely outfit that fits great.

36. Take a nap. Don’t set an alarm.

37. Lower your expectations of yourself. Be ok with being mediocre right now.

38. Go to a 12 step meeting or a support group.

39. Call or text an old friend to meet up over a cup of coffee.

40. Buy a coloring book and some crayons. Color away.

41. Practice a 3 minute guided meditation.

42. Do a Pinterest DIY project with an old shirt that no longer fits.

43. Laugh if said Pinterest project ends up disastrous (mine usually do).

44. Binge watch Netflix. Watch a show that’s silly and not too emotional.

45. Throw your to-do list in the trash for a day.

46. Go for a gentle stroll.

47. Blast music that matches your mood (for me, this is often Slipknot or Katy Perry interchangeably).

48. Make a gratitude list about things you’re grateful for in your life.

49. Make a gratitude list about body parts of yours you’re grateful for and why.

50. Put on some nice scented lotion.

Repeat after me: you are not obliged to love your family. You are not.
If they don’t have respect for you, if they make you feel inferior, if they bully you, ignore you, abuse you in any way: you are not a bad person for not loving them, or not wanting to stay around. You dont have to do any of those things. You can go and build a family with the people who truly love you and respect you. Okay?
Stay safe, my darlings.

Don’t feel bad if you can’t quite love yourself yet. Self acceptance is a journey. Appreciate how far you’ve come and have faith in how far you will go. You are doing great at your own pace.

The truth is, life is going to unfold as it’s going to unfold regardless of your input. If you are an active participant in that awareness, life kind of washes over you, good or bad. You kind of become Teflon a little bit to the struggles that we self-inflict.

Our conscious minds are very spread out. We worry about the past. We worry about the future. We label. And all of that stuff just makes us very separate. What I’m trying to do is just quiet it down. Put that brain down from time to time and hope those periods of quiet and stillness get longer. When you do that, what rises from the mist is a kind of surrendering. You’re more connected as opposed to being separate. A lot of the questions about destiny or fate or purpose or any of that stuff—it’s not like you get answers. You just realize you didn’t need the questions.

—  Chris Evans (x)

Hey you, stop scrolling through your dashboard for a second. I just want you to know that you’re not a bad person and everything will be okay. Just relax and take a deep breath. Much better. Now go find a cute cat picture with your aesthetic and a Vine compilation to take your mind off things, you got this shit.

All Sweaty

Originally posted by soluscheese

Pairing: Dean x plus sized!Reader, Sam x friend!plus sized!Reader
Word count: 1,102
Warnings: Swearing, low self-esteem

Part 2 of Fat and Beautiful


“Why can’t you be both?” He asked you. “Just because you’ve gained some weight doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful. Who says you can’t be fat and beautiful? Fat isn’t a bad word, Y/N. Not at all.”

You wrapped your arms around him. “Maybe. It’ll take more than just that to feel okay, though. I think I’m going to move back in my old room for a few days. I can’t take sleeping next to him in next to nothing and him not touching me.”

Sam nodded. “Anything you need, sweetheart.”

You cried yourself to sleep in Sam’s arms, and he made sure you were really out before slipping from your arms. After he covered you up, he went to find his brother. He couldn’t stand to see you hurting, and he knew that Dean wasn’t doing this on purpose. Running his hand through his hair, he quietly shut the door. His shirt had a wet spot on it, but he didn’t care about that right now.

Sam found Dean in the library, feet up on the table, leaning back in his chair. The laptop was open on his lap, but from where Sam was, he couldn’t see what his brother was watching. Dean spotted Sam from over the back and shut the top, putting his feet down. “So?” He asked, looking worried.

Sitting, Sam shook his head. “She feels like shit, Dean.” He told him honestly. “Says she doesn’t think you’re attracted to her anymore.” Dean stared at him, confused. “I’m not gonna sit here and tell you word for word what she said, I’m not gonna tell you to go wake her up, but I will tell you that it’s bad enough that she’s moving out of your room for a few days.”

“What?” Dean felt like he was punched in the gut. “Why?”

“Why don’t you let her talk to you?” Sam suggested. “Or maybe think about how you’ve made her feel unattractive.” He added before getting up to get himself a cup of coffee, leaving Dean to think things over.

Keep reading

From The Start (Lin-Manuel Miranda/Reader

Chapter: 1/?

Summary: It was the note: you found it on the floor on your way to French class, nearly everything scribbled out with only a few legible sentences. “I’ve got to end this on my own terms, and I can’t let anything, not even you, stop me. I’m going into the woods on December 1st and I won’t be coming back.” Though it was impossible to make out the name of the writer, you were sure you could save them. You had a month, after all. It was November 1st.

Word Count: 1871

Warnings: depression, bad self care, suicide notes

Tags: @pay-youreffingtaxes, @linmanuclmiranda

A/N: so here it is, the fic that i didn’t shut up about for weeks. it’s going to be pretty long, and incredibly life ruining, so good luck surviving the whole time- if you can even make it through without cringing at my shitty writing lmao.


It didn’t begin with him. It began with the note.

It was the last thing you expected to see lying on the floor, and certainly the last thing you wanted to see, because you simply didn’t have the time to deal with this- you were already late to French and this didn’t help matters, yet as you picked up the crumpled up piece of paper and attempted to make out the words, French class seemed to matter less and less.

The paper was a letter of some sort, handwritten in blue ink that looked as though it had been frantically scribbled over after having being written, which didn’t really help matters at all, although you couldn’t exactly complain since you were technically invading someone’s privacy by reading it.

Only one paragraph was legible, and it seemed to do quite a good job of summing it up- perhaps it was better that you didn’t read the rest.

“I never meant to hurt you, but there are things that are inevitable, and as much as I regret having to say this, hurting you is one of them. It feels like I’m drowning- I’ve been drowning for quite some time, and when you’re underwater for so long, you begin to think that there’s a possibility that you can continue to live like that, constantly on the verge of death, but you can’t. I can’t. I’ve got to end it on my own terms, and I can’t let anything, even you, stop me. I’ve already decided, I’m going to the woods on December 1st and I won’t be coming back.”

And you knew nothing: you knew not who the letter was from, as the name, like the rest of the letter, had been scribbled over and rendered illegible. You knew not who the letter had been intended for.

Yet you did know one thing: whoever had written it was going to kill themself on December 1st, unless you managed to do something about it by then.

You weren’t stupid: you knew that you couldn’t just leave the note where you’d found it and hope that everything would be okay, because you cared about this person. Even if they were an asshole, no one deserved to feel helpless.

Of course, you could always turn the note into the office and leave them to do whatever it was they thought would help- but what could they do? It wasn’t as though the writer of the letter would just babble out their sorrows to the shitty school counselor, it was clear that they were far past that point.

Then again, what could you do? You were far out of your element, wading knee deep in the vast stormy ocean that the letter writer was drowning in, and you couldn’t brave the water on your own and save them like this.

But you had to.

You had to try, at least.

You had one month, thirty days: the date was November 1st.


There were very few things that you kept a secret from Phillipa. The letter was one of them. Knowing the contents of that note already felt like an invasion of privacy- to even think of telling someone else would have been a betrayal. However, your best friend knew you far too well for you to be able to conceal that something was wrong.

She kept her gaze fixed on you, taking a bite of the inedibly dry school pizza without taking her eyes off you.

Lunch was, by far, your favorite part of the day: sitting on the bleachers with Pippa, talking, laughing, or even just eating in silence.

Above you, the sky lay a deep and astringent blue, cutting deep and leaving scars in the pattern of long lost, never spoken whispers trailing out behind you.

“Stop looking at me like that.” You cut your gaze upwards to meet Pippa’s, watching as the words died on her lips before she’d even had the chance to open her mouth.

Pippa’s cheeks flushed a pale pink. “Sorry. But you look- are you-”

“I’m fine,” you snapped, cutting her off mid sentence. You stared down at your lap to avoid having to see her expression. Dragging out a sigh, you continued. “Sorry. I’m just… fine. I’m fine.”

The image of the note crossed over your mind, the words swimming before your eyes. Pippa could tell that you were lying, yet she didn’t push it. She never did.

Perhaps that was why you felt so tempted to tell her.

“I found something,” you began, your stomach churning at the thought of the letter and the date. “I was walking to class, and… I… I can’t talk about it but it’s just… it’s bad.”

Pippa studied the expression on your face, trying to figure out whether it was truly as bad as you were making it out to be, or if you were simply being dramatic.

“I’ll be fine,” you assured her- though the writer of the letter might not be. “I’m just stressed.”

“You say that a lot,” Pippa observed, leaning back on her hands. “You’re stressed- we’re all stressed. That doesn’t mean that you need to keep everything a secret.”

“I know.” You drew out a helpless sigh and finally allowed yourself to look at her: eyes blown wide, strands of dark hair trailing out behind her in the wind. “It’s just personal stuff.”

Pippa quirked an eyebrow upwards but she didn’t push it. She turned her gaze to the ground: grass telling no tales of joy, considering the placid half-grey it grew. It was as if it simply didn’t have the heart to grow anymore, and had instead resigned itself to self destruction.

Much like the letter writer.

Without realizing what you were doing, you slid your hand into the pocket of your jeans and closed your fingers around the note, making sure it was still there. You’d typed it up on your phone in case you happened to lose it, but you still wanted to make sure that you kept the note with you at all times.

December 1st.

The date echoed about your head, sending shivers of anxiety through your body.

Coming up from nowhere, a thought hit you like a truck. What if the person was someone you knew?

“Pippa?” you asked, unable to cover up the worry in your voice. “Don’t ever- I mean, not that you would, but don’t ever do something… bad.”

Pippa frowned and brushed a few strands of dark hair out of her eyes. “Bad? Like… illegal?”

“No, bad like- like…” You trailed off, shaking your head helplessly. “Nevermind.”

It was stupid to have thought the note had belonged to Pippa. She’d never do something like that- besides, you would have recognized her handwriting had it been her that wrote the letter.

Yet you still felt a connection to the person, perhaps because you’d read something so personal of theirs, and you would do anything to help them. Surely a month was enough to find them and talk them out of it.

Right?


Ever since he was little, Lin had loved to write. Little was an unfortunately broad term- Daveed, who had a few inches on him, still considered Lin to be little despite him being eighteen. But whether he was eight years old or eighteen, he still loved writing.

It had always come easy to him. Natural. Never before had he been forced to second guess his words, scribble out and rewrite.

Yet he’d struggled for hours on the note, drawing out his worst thoughts like spools of thread as he tried to convey them in the letter, yet none met a single end. He’d written several drafts, every one of them failing to meet his standards.

Whether by sunlight or moonlight, he found himself hunched over at his desk, scribbling across scraps of paper and waiting for a time in which those words could mean something. Anything.

He couldn’t quite recall how long it had been since he’d sat down at his desk that morning- perhaps an hour? Two? He didn’t care enough to glance up at the clock.

As time passed, he became aware of someone watching him, but he didn’t look up, refusing to acknowledge their presence. He knew who it was, the only person who cared enough to visit him.

“Lin?” Anthony spoke softly, his voice calm and gentle like tiny ripples in a lake. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Even as he answered, Lin kept his head bowed over his notebook. And then- “Why are you here?”

“I needed to make sure you were alright.” Anthony stepped further into Lin’s bedroom, letting the door close gently behind him. “I… well, you. You worry people.”

Lin set down his pen. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

Perhaps he really could convince himself that he spoke the truth, yet he was far too smart for that. But he could convince everyone else, at least until it was too late.

“You barely come to school anymore,” Anthony supplied. “I can’t remember the last time I saw you eat. You’re always in your room with all the lights off. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks. I think those are reasons to worry.”

Pushing his notebook aside, Lin turned to face Anthony. “Look at me, look. I’m fine, see?”

Anthony raised his eyebrows up towards the ceiling. “You look like shit, Lin. And that’s the nicest way I can put it.”

Lin’s shoulders slumped and he leaned back in his chair. He couldn’t deny that Anthony was right- his hair was messy and unwashed, his grey hoodie hung loosely around his thin frame, and the bags beneath his eyes only served to prove Anthony’s point.

“You should be at school,” Anthony told him, crossing the room to turn on the light and open the window.

“So should you,” Lin pointed out, wincing in pain as light flooded the room. “Did you really cut class just to check up on me?”

“I had a free period.”

Lin drew out a sigh and pushed himself up off the chair. He stumbled slightly, but Anthony caught him before he hit the floor. “Thanks,” Lin mumbled, using Anthony as a crutch of sorts.

“You really need to get out of the house,” Anthony decided. “I’ll cut you some slack on school today since you look like you could fall apart at any minute, but you’re going tomorrow.”

“Ant-” Lin tried to protest, but Anthony cut him off.

“No arguing, you’re going. You’re going to shower and get some goddamn sleep and you’re going to show up at 8:30 tomorrow morning or I swear to god, I’ll come to your house and drag your ass out of bed.”

Lin forced a laugh, pushing back dark, unwashed hair out of his eyes.

“See? I knew you could smile. Now let’s get you out of the house.”

“Yeah, no way.” Lin pulled away and fell back against his bed, glaring at Anthony. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Anthony sighed. “Fine. But you’re going to school tomorrow, and you can’t argue that.”

Fine. Tomorrow.”

After all, what did one day at school matter when come December 1st it would all be over?

anonymous asked:

Could you list all the symptoms of bpd and what they mean?

Ok so this is taken from psychcentral because I’m lazy but here you go!

  • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment - so doing things to try and save a relationship even though it might not be failing but you get paranoid and scared that they’re going to leave so you do things to help them stay
  • A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation - part of splitting, black and white thinking, generally your relationships are strained or bad (whether familial, platonic, romantic, sexual etc)
  • Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self - so you don’t really understand who you are or how to process how others see you, and what “you” even is! So I know sexuality and gender is something which I struggle with, just viewing yoursel, it’s a bit like splitting on yourself
  • Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) - I feel like this is pretty self explanatory but it’s just being impulsively self destructive and doing things which can harm you and aren’t good for you
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior - so self harming behaviour that’s quite frequent, although many people can be clean from that kind of behaviour and still have a diagnoses. I think BPD is normally diagnosed after a suicide attempt (I feel like I need to say PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT SUICIDE JUST FOR A DIAGNOSIS
  • Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) - just so many rapid, hard hitting mood swings which can take ages to mentally recover from
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness - just feeling really goddamn empty, like a void of emotion and I think this is when empathy levels fluctuate a lot 
  • Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) - Again I feel like this is self explanatory, you just have difficluty controlling anger and it can be really intense
  • Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms - so when you’re stressed you might dissociate (like you feel out of your body, you don’t know who you are, that kind of thing) or you might hallucinate (could be a smell, hearing things, tasting things etc)

You need 5/9 for a diagnosis and I think you need to show the symptoms for at least 2 years!

Hope this helps! <3