Glen is no longer allowed on the internet

Wedding Ring

So imagine this.  You’ve just gotten married to the man/woman of your dreams.  They’re cute, nerdy, and into all the same things you are.  And the wedding ring?  The One Ring to Rule Them All, complete with Elvish inscription.  You couldn’t be happier.

Cut to twenty years later.  You’re spending some time with a friend- one of those cool know-it-all types.  The ones that could name every planet in the Expanded Universe, but only do so when someone asks.  You show off the ring to her.  She sees it, furrows her brow, and asks to look at it more carefully.  She takes it to the computer and pulls up an Elvish-English chart, just to be certain.  She turns around to you and says:

“Did you know the inscription reads ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’?”

My friend is moving to Texas from Canada
  • Her: I'm going to melt and then I'm going to diiiiiiie [>.<]
  • Me: Yup.
  • Me: But we have The Forges for that.
  • Me: What they do is they take the human slag and reforge it into new Texans.
  • Her: Pffft. Oh my god.
  • Her: I can't even respond to that.
  • Her: What do they do with imports like me? XD
  • Me: Well, step one is the growth ray
  • Me: Everything and everyone is bigger in Texas.
  • Me: We then have a quick process to quickly turn maple syrup into queso.
  • Me: By that time you're beginning to liquify.
  • Me: So we put you outside during one of the daily recreations of the Battle of the Alamo.
  • Me: And by then you're well melted.
  • Me: Then comes the reforging, and the branding of the Texas Flag into your foot.
  • Me: In Texas, foot fetishes are considered patriotic.
  • Her: Alex can testify to how hard I'm laughing right now. Oh my god
  • Me: You then get your pet Armadillo and complimentary revolver, and swear your loyalty on the Texan Bible. Which is like the regular one, but has more y'all's in it.
  • Her: I'm literally wheezing now thank you XD
  • Me: And then everyone sings the state anthem, and you can go to your new residence.
  • Her: I hope you're happy you've ruined my views of your state before I've even gotten there [:P]
Omegle conversation of the night:
  • ((Visuals: I'm dressed as Grandpa Harley, he's Jake or Vriska-suit John, couldn't tell. The head I pull out is Scratch's. The second trophy is the Flourite Octet))
  • You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
  • You and the stranger both like homestuck.
  • You: WOULD YOU SEE THE HEAD OF MY LATEST KILL?
  • Stranger: yes
  • Stranger: OHFUCK
  • You: SO THERE I WAS
  • Stranger: SCRATCHPLS
  • You: NECK-DEEP IN GREEN CORPSES
  • You: IN MY PAJAMAS
  • You: HOW THEY GOT IN MY PAJAMAS, I'LL NEVER KNOW.
  • You: WHEN IN COMES THIS BEAST, 10-FEET TALL AND DAPPER AS THE DAY I WAS BORN.
  • Stranger: wha
  • You: I PULL MY TRUSTY ELEPHANT GUN FROM MY BACK POCKET.
  • You: AND I SHOOT A HOLE IN HIM SO BIG, STRIDER'S EGO WOULD FIT THROUGH AND BARELY TOUCH THE SIDES.
  • Stranger: JAKEPLZ
  • Stranger: Granpa plzzzz
  • You: AND THEN, FROM A CERULEAN BEAUTY, I LIBERATED THESE
  • Stranger: oh mY GOD
  • You: NOT ALL OF MY TROPHIES ARE FROM KILLS.
  • You: IF YOU TAKE MY MEANING.
  • Stranger: OH
  • Stranger: BB
  • You: WOULD YOU HERE MORE STORIES OF THE HUNT?
  • You: *HEAR
  • Stranger: I will here and hear
  • You: SO THERE I WAS.
  • You: IN THE FORESTS OF NEW ALTERNIA.
  • You: NOTHING ON ME BUT MY WITS, MY CLEVER DISGUISE, AND SIXTY POUNDS OF HARD EXPLOSIVES.
  • Stranger: JUST A BIT OF SUPPLIES
  • You: I WAS OUTSIDE THE BEAST'S LAIR.
  • You: YES, OFFICE SUPPLIES.
  • You: RIGHT, I ALSO HAD PAPER CLIPS.
  • You: BIG RED ONES.
  • Stranger: Yess
  • You: THE BEAST HAD A PACK OF FERAL, DEADLY CLOWNS AT HIS DISPOSAL.
  • You: THEIR HONKS OF DEATH EMANATED FROM THE DAMP DUNGEON WALLS.
  • You: SO I GO IN, DISGUISING MYSELF AS A CAT. OR AS THEY CALL IT, A 'MEOWBEAST'.
  • You: I KNEW THAT THEY WOULD IMMEDIATELY TAKE ME TO THE KITCHEN.
  • You: AND INDEED THEY DID.
  • Stranger: ohmygod
  • You: WHAT I DID NOT COUNT ON, WAS THAT THE CHEF HAD A PET CLUCKBEAST NAMED ALONZO.
  • Stranger: alonsy, alonzo
  • You: ALONZO SAW THROUGH MY DISGUISE AT ONCE.
  • You: AND I HAD TO FIGHT MY WAY THROUGH A SWARM OF EGGS AND CLUBS.
  • Stranger: like strip clubs?
  • You: NO
  • You: LIKE BONK CLUBS
  • You: FINALLY, I ARRIVED AT THE THRONE ROOM.
  • Stranger: like fight strip clubs...?
  • You: WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUBS.
  • You: THE BEAST WAS IN A TECHNICOLOR MESS OF BLOOD AND PIGMENT.
  • You: SO I TOOK OFF MY HAT, AND RETRIEVED THE EGG I HAD CLEVERLY STACHED INSIDE.
  • You: EGGS, YOU SEE, ARE THE WEAKNESS OF THOSE THAT LIVE UNDERGROUND.
  • You: SO I CHUCK IT AT HIS HEAD
  • Stranger: ohmygod
  • You: AND REALIZE THAT, ONCE AGAIN, I HAD MISTAKEN A TROLL FOR A NOME.
  • Stranger: FPKPSDGSK
  • You: SO INSTEAD I WENT WITH THE EXPLOSIVES.
  • You: BUT I DID NOT HAVE A MATCH.
  • You: HOW LUCKY I WAS THAT I HAD LONG AGO MASTERED THE ANCIENT ART OF FIREBREATH FROM THE DRAGON OF THE WEST.
  • You: SO I TOSS THE EXPLOSIVES, BREATH FIRE FROM MY SEA OF CHI
  • You: AND BEGIN TO RUN LIKE THE WIND.
  • You: THE GATE WAS BEING LOWERED
  • You: BUT I SLID UNDERNEATH IT
  • You: REACHED BACK
  • You: GRABBED MY HAT
  • You: AND WATCHED AS A GIANT FIREBALL ENGULFED THE AREA.
  • You: BUT THAT WAS NOT HIS FINAL FORM!\
  • You: HE MORPHED INTO A ONE-WINGED DEMIGOD OF MIRTH AND LAUGHTER.
  • You: SO I TOOK MY PAPERCLIP AND FASHIONED IT INTO A MAKESHIFT SWORD.
  • You: AND BEGIN TO FIGHT MY WAY UP HIM.
  • You: HE WAS SEVERAL STORIES TALL, OF COURSE.
  • You: ALONG THE WAY, I LOST MY SWORD TO A MERCHANT WHO OFFERED ME A FINE PIECE OF REAL ESTATE FOR IT.
  • You: I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO ACCEPT.
  • You: AS HE FLOATED BACK TO EARTH ON HIS BALLOONS
  • You: I ALSO BOUGHT A MAP FROM HIM.
  • You: STRANGE FELLOW.
  • You: SO THERE I WAS!
  • You: FIGHTING UP HIM WITH MY FISTS AND THE STEEL BRIM OF MY HAT SERVING AS A BRASS KNUCKLE.
  • You: I REACH THE TOP
  • You: AND HE CHALLENGES ME TO AN EPIC BATTLE
  • You: OF SLAM POETRY.
  • You: NEEDLESS TO SAY, HARLEY HASS THE FLAME.
  • You: SO MY SICK FIRES WERE LIT.
  • You: AND HIS WERE, AS THE KIDS SAY, 'WHACK'.
  • You: SO THEN I KILLED HIM.
  • You: AND THAT'S THE STORY.
  • Stranger: All about how your life got flipped, turned upside-down?
  • You: NO. THAT'S THE PREQUEL.
  • You: THEY TURNED IT INTO A MOVIE SERIAL.
  • Stranger: So you're Will Smith?
  • You: TECHNICALLY
  • You: I AM TROLL WILL SMITH.
I saw this with the word 'gay', and improved it.
  • Real Life: Assume straight until proven spam.
  • Tumblr: Assume spam until proven straight.
  • Fandom: Assume Spam even if proven straight
  • Sherlock: Spam until spam, spam, spam, spam.
  • Supernatural: Spam, spam, spam, angel, spam, winchester, spam.
  • Glee: Spam, spam, spam, spam, SPAM, spam, SPAM, double spam, spam.
  • Merlin: Spam, spam, spam, magic, spam, spam, medieval stuff, spam.
  • Avengers: spam, spam, spam, superhero stuff, spam spam spam.
  • Torchwood: Bisexual, spam, bisexual, omnisexual, bisexual, spam
  • Doctor Who: DO WEEEEEEE DOOOO
  • Hetalia: Draw a circle, that's how straight we are
  • Drift Feeman: glen i need really terrible pun titles and you are the pun king
  • Glen Sanger: Shoot! What kind?
  • Drift Feeman: uh
  • a katamari damacy pun for a situation where two people trapped in a bubble have to climb a hill
  • an oregon trail pun for a situation where two people trapped in a bubble have to ford a lava river
  • and a lemmings pun for a situation where two people trapped in a bubble have to cross a narrow bridge over a ravine while being chased by a giant forest creature and a horde of angry squirrels
  • can you do those?
  • Glen Sanger:
  • 1. How to Pick Up Chicks in a Bubble
  • 2. The Trail to True Lava
  • 3. When Life Gives You Lemmings
  • Me: Dude my sister is insisting that is the CURE for hormone backlash
  • Laurie: Dementors are real and some of them are caused by fucking hormones
  • Me: I’m picturing teenage girl dementors
  • Me: ‘My name is Lily Sunshine Rainbow! That’s who I AM, don’t try to change me!’
  • Laurie: omfg
  • Me: They’re what cause mood swings. They go around causing happiness before their parents catch up and they cause the sad again.
Glen surprises everyone by actually paying attention to his follower count

I’ve been sitting at around 145 for the past month or two.  I’m not usually one to care about follower numbers, but it would be Awesome if I could have the same number of followers as there are Pokemon.  Any of my amazing friends and just as amazing people I don’t know care to spread the word for those last six?